FF7: Random Bits 02 Chapter 3
[Setting- Inspector Percival P. Baerbotamm is visiting the new Midgar Army training facility at the request of President Rufus Shinra, to see how things are going.]
[Location - Training Field - Zack is just starting the tour]
"So, this is the Training Field, or as the cadets like to call it, 'The Plain of Pain'." Zack joked as he made a broad, sweeping gesture with the arm that was not draped across Percival's thin shoulders. The field was comprised of grassy areas where various activities were taking place. How the grass managed to grow at all with so many boots trampling over it was truly a groundskeeping miracle.
"Of course, these are just the fields we use for PT, drills, etc. We do have virtual training rooms for advanced mission simulations and Materia training, but it's always good to get some real world experiences. We have a variety of real terrain areas that we drive out to. There's the Nightmare Forest, the Field of Screams, the Lake of Tears, the Bleak Peaks, the Swamps of Sadness, the Hills of Despair, and that over there," Zack said, pointing to the most diabolical jumble of ropes, razor wire, tires, rusty metal sheets, towering wooden structures, blunt swinging objects, sharp swinging objects, metal monoliths, water hazards, spike pits, and bristling iron thickets, "Is The Course."
Percival Pinwinkle Baerbotamm shuddered at the note of sadistic pride in Zack's voice, half expecting a dramatic flash of lighting and boom of thunder. As if not to disappoint an expectant audience, a gout of flame spewed dramatically from one of the taller wooden towers. A bird, having the misfortune of passing by at the wrong time, was roasted to perfection and fell to the ground, where it was snapped up by one of Zack's mako wolves.
A group of 1st Class SOLDIERs was currently navigating the hellish construct, while being shouted at by an irate sounding drill instructor.
"Good heavens!" Baerbotamm cried in shock, "Is that even safe? I-I mean, it certainly doesn't look up to Code!" He began leafing frantically through the contents of his clipboard, searching through the building safety code guidelines.
"Of course it's up to Code! You can't properly develop agility and combat skills on rickety equipment." Zack replied just as a small section of the wooden handrail on one of the many foot bridges broke away and fell to the ground. "It's designed to do that." Zack said defensively as Inspector Baerbotamm gave him an accusing look, complete with arched eyebrow. "If you could encounter it in the field, it's on The Course. It's not anymore dangerous than the playscape at Mick Chocobo's Burger Hut!"
One of the SOLDIERs slipped off the bridge and tumbled to the ground, his descent punctuated by pained grunts as he bounced off some of the random lower structures before landing in a muddy moat with a splash. The young man broke the silty water's surface and frantically started swimming towards solid ground. Something in the water started trailing after him like a sinister 'V' and the soggy SOLDIER seemed to suddenly have miraculously grown an off-board motor.
Water sprayed out behind the desperate man as he shot through the water and hit the bank, leaving a light gouge in the dirt. The mysterious shape followed him right up to the edge of the water before abruptly vanishing as if it had never been.
"Oh my Shiva!" Percival exclaimed, his eyebrows rising nearly off the top of his not-quite-bald head.
"He's fine," Zack said in an unconcerned drawl as the sodden man struggled to his feet while being berated by the drill instructor.
"Was that a-a crocodile?!"
"What? No, of course not! You can't keep crocodiles in fresh water."
"Er, oh...well, then-!"
"That's an alligator."
"A what?!"
"Oh, look, here comes General Strife!" Zack said quickly, grabbing Percival's thin shoulders and turning him sharply away from the horrors of The Course. "Hey Cloud!"
Cloud nodded to Zack as he joined them on the field, saluting for the sake of formality in front of their guest.
"Percy, this is General Cloud Strife," Zack said by way of introduction.
"Pleased to meet you, General," Percival replied, trying to ignore the sound of whooshing flames and harried screams coming from behind him. "I am Inspector Percival Pinwinkle Baerbotamm-!"
"That's Bee-Aee-Ee-Are" Zack interjected helpfully as Cloud's expression went carefully wooden.
He extended a thin hand which looked like little more than a bundle of twigs. Cloud shook the twiggy appendage very carefully, half expecting to end up with a handful of fingers that weren't his own.
"Pleased to meet you, Inspector..." Cloud responded, his eyes immediately drawn to the man's eyebrows, which seemed to bristle at him. Cloud got the uneasy feeling that they were glaring at him. His eyes narrowed slightly as he suppressed the strong urge to hiss at them.
"Goodness! You aren't wearing any shoes!" Inspector Baerbotamm exclaimed with a pained wince, shaking Cloud from his thoughts. "That's unsanitary! And against regulations!" he winced again as Cloud looked down at his feet.
"Now, now, Inspector, remember Rule Number One," Zack said, patting him on the shoulder.
"But-!"
"He used to wear the regulation boots, but after tearing up fifty pairs in one week, we decided it was just a waste of resources to make him wear them." Zack explained.
"My feet don't fit in the boots when I Shift to my Half-Form. They are the wrong shape." Cloud elaborated, seeing the lost look that had wandered on to Percy's face.
"I'm not sure I understand."
"ELITEs have a human form, and an animal form, referred to as an ELITE form. For some reason almost all the ELITEs are wolves, but we do have a few exceptions. They can also take what we call a Half-Form."
"Half-Form?"
"They look like humans with animal ears and tails. They can also manifest wings " Cloud attempted to clarify.
"You know, like cosplayers." Zack said. "Except Cloud's feet change as well, just because of how his ELITE form is." He noted the look of grudging curiosity in the man's eyes. "You can see it later."
"Oh, er...I suppose, but the ground...and the, er, animals..." Percival insisted as he watched an orderly pack of very large wolves trot by.
"Oh, don't worry, Baerbotamm," Zack reassured him as the man's eyebrows crinkled up like sloughed off straw papers. "We don't let the ELITEs poop in the fields or anything."
"Except for that one time..." Cloud said.
"Yeah, well, he was drunk. And he did get his nose rubbed in it." Zack countered.
"Didn't you also make him taste it?"
"Well, I had to make sure it belonged to him. I didn't want to punish the wrong person!"
"I beg your pardon?!"
"Well, moving on! Let's get inside and get to the good stuff!" Zack chirped, ignoring the horrified inquiry as he herded the Inspector towards the main entrance.
"You look a little tense, Inspector," Zack said brightly "Let's stop by the cafeteria and get you a stiff drink!"
"Y-you serve alcohol in the cafeteria? You drink on duty?" Percival asked, aghast.
"Sure, but only the SOLDIERs and ELITEs are allowed to."
"But that's against the rules!"
"Actually it's not." Zack said, snapping his fingers. The SOLDIER from earlier materialized and handed Zack the Big Book of Rules, handily opened to the section regarding drinking while on duty. Zack handed the book to the Inspector who read it with a look of increasing confusion and distress.
Due to the high metabolic nature of a mako-enhanced system, drinking while on duty is permissible, provided the individual be at least a 3rd Class SOLDIER, and be limited two drinks per meal.
"Of course, that's just a suggested serving," Zack added as he handed the book back to the waiting SOLDIER, who promptly disappeared. "Most of us metabolize alcohol so fast, we could drink a 12 pack and not even get a buzz."
Percival's thoughts spun like a washing machine as he tried to wrap his head around what Zack had just said. There were so many things wrong with this, this abomination of a rule!
"You shouldn't be drinking on duty! What if something happens? What about your liver?"
"Then we go out, deal with it, then come back and have a celebratory drink! And people have been pickling things for centuries. Scientists do it all the time! Have you ever seen all those pickled organs in jars? It preserves them and makes things last longer. C'mon, Percy, it's okay to bend the rules a little every now and then! Live a little!" Zack said, leading the protesting Inspector away.
Cloud followed a few steps behind. There was just something about Baerbotamm's eyebrows that had him more than a little unsettled. Normal eyebrows just didn't move like that. Making a mental note to ask Zack about it later, Cloud followed them up the path to the Main Building, ready for the next part of the tour.
Chapter 4 is in the works, guys, so please continue to be patient with my slow updates!