Blah. Blah. Blah. Star vs the Forces of Evil is owned by Disney and Stands are the creation of the brilliant and talented Hirohiko Araki. Enjoy.
1-Up Girl: Chapter 14.
(Later that night)
The Victoria Cygne Memorial Hospital has stood in Echo Creek for longer than anyone can remember.
Originally the home of shipping magnate Phillippe Cygne, this three story palatial mansion was converted into a hospital in the mid-1890s, following the death of Cygne's wife.
For over a hundred and twenty years, this proud institution has stood as both a monument to eternal love and a testament to one man's selfless devotion to aiding his fellow man.
Or at least that's what most people think, but we'll get more into that later.
For right now, let's just focus on the present.
It was about half past ten in the evening when Ringo was suddenly roused from his sound sleep by a stabbing pain in his stomach.
"URAAAH!" he groaned in mild agony as he attempted to lunge forward, only to discover that his wrists were securely chained to something sturdy. "AAAAK! What's going on? Why… Why can't I see?"
All very good questions. Last thing he remembered was getting socked in the face by that little twerp Annie. And the next thing he knew he was chained to a bed; and apparently without his glasses, given how blurry everything was.
"AH~ Sounds like someone's finally up~" said a cheery, singsong voice that seemed to be coming from one of the numerous amorphous blobs floating around the room. "Are you feeling any better, Mr. Ringo?"
"Who said that? Who's there?"
"What's the matter, dearie? Can't you… oh wait, of course you can't. I've got your glasses right here. Silly me. Let me just get that for you."
And just like that, the world was back in focus.
Suddenly Ringo found himself handcuffed to a bed in a room so drab and unappealing that it could only have been in a hospital.
Needless to say, the seasoned killer found this quite surprising, but not nearly as surprising as the woman who was in there with him. She was, admittedly, a very lovely creature; with her sparkling green eyes and jet black hair done up in a bun. But there was something… off about her. Her expression was just so… cheerful. Not quite in the 'demented mental patient' kind of way, but more in the 'so perky it's sickening' kind of way. At any rate, in spite of her rather pleasing appearance, Ringo found her gregarious grin quite unnerving.
And coming from a serial killer, that says a lot.
"W-What's going on here? Where am I? Who are you?" the hefty murdered asked bluntly; hoping to intimidate.
Unfortunately, this seemed to have the opposite effect.
"Heh-Heh-Heh~ Well now, aren't you just full of questions." the strange woman said amusedly. "Alright then, in reverse order. I am Dr. Sally Cygne. This is the Victoria Cygne Memorial Hospital, of which I am the chief physician, just FYI. And what's going on, Mr. Ringo, is that you are in very deep trouble."
"W-What are you talking about? How do you know my name?"
"Oh, that's right. You were unconscious for that part, weren't you. Well, let me help you get up to speed. While you were napping you got arrested, and now the feds are coming to take you away~"
"Arrested? GAH! That scrawny little bitch! Just wait 'til I… wait… what do you mean the feds are coming? What do they want with me?"
"Funny story, you're gonna love this. Okay, so when the cops ran your picture through the database, something very interesting happened. Turns out that a man fitting your description is wanted for questioning in over two hundred murder investigations all across the country. The feds have been after you for years. You're their white whale~"
"Oh my god…"
"I know~ And you had no idea~ I bet you thought you were clever or something. That you were the world's most brilliant criminal mastermind. Oh~ This is just too rich~"
And from there, the perky doctor began to laugh most haughtily; much to Ringo's irritation.
"Wait a minute, how the hell do you know all this?" he asked annoyedly.
"Oh, you know~ I'm just one of those people that people love to spill their guts to. Plus, I'm incredibly nosey."
"So… what? You found all this out and decided to just come in here and tease me about it? What are you, nuts?"
"Oh, come on. Don't be such a Grumpy Gus~" the strange doctor said with almost childlike giddiness. "You know, the universe has such a charming sense of humor. The trick is learning how to take a joke. Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Hoo~"
At this, Ringo just rolled his eyes.
"You came in here to steal my meds, didn't you."
"Oh lighten up, John Boy. Try looking on the bright side."
"What bright side?"
"Well… You're still alive, aren't you? Plus, you're really lucky you had that extra pair of glasses in your back pocket and that all that broken glass didn't cut anything important; otherwise you'd be blind right now. Not to mention that you've got such a lovely sounding name."
"Eh… what?"
"No, no, I really mean it. John Ringo~ It's got such a musical quality to it. Like the kind you'd hear in one of those old folk songs."
And then, without any warning, the strange woman began to sing.
Johnny Ringo went down South~
A-Riding on a River Boat~
Sang a song of love and marriage~
But sounded like a Billy Goat~
But all the same, folks liked the song~
So they came from far and near~
They found the tune most elegant~
For everyone to hear~
Johnny Ringo, sing it up~
Johnny Ringo Dandy~
Mind the music and the words~
And keep the songs in handy~
YAH~
For reasons beyond the realm of rational thought, the strange woman decided to end her little impromptu performance with a pair of jazz hands. Which, as I'm sure you can imagine, only intensified the awkwardness of the situation.
Ringo had no idea how to respond to this. He felt like the straight man in some kind of poorly written comedy sketch. So, drawing on what little experience he had interacting with other people, the hefty killer just stared at the peculiar woman like she'd spontaneously grown a second head.
"Wow… not even a chuckle." She said in quiet disbelief. "You're a real stiff, you know that."
"Well excuse me if I don't pee my pants with laughter. But in case you've forgotten, I'm going to be hanged tomorrow!"
"Oh, don't be such a drama queen." The strange doctor replied dismissively. "Nobody hangs anyone anymore, they use lethal injection nowadays. And besides, they'll only put you on death row for now. Why, it could be years before they get around to executing you."
"Oh, well that just makes everything better." Ringo said with bitter sarcasm. "Look, I don't know if you're crazy or if you're just a bitch, but could you please just go away. I've had an awful day and I wanna be alone."
"What's the matter, dearie? Don't you find my positive energy and perky demeanor charming?"
"No."
"Well, I'm sorry. But can you blame me? I mean, I have so many responsibilities, and as the great granddaughter of this hospital's founder, I'm expected to conduct myself in certain… dignified manner. I get so few opportunities to just relax and be myself; at least while I'm making my rounds anyway."
"So… what? You needed to blow off some steam, so you came in here to act like a fool, knowing nobody would believe the word of a serial killer?"
"Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh-Heh~" the strange doctor laughed haughtily. "Oh no, Mr. Ringo. It's not that at all. I was just trying to impart a little wisdom before you go. Well, more of a family motto as it were. You see, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do, whether you're a doctor, a shipping magnate, a French silk merchant, or even an English count; you can't go through life being serious all the time. Now and then you've gotta allow yourself the chance to act a little silly. Because you never know what day's gonna be your last. And when that day comes, you don't want your last thought to be, 'Gosh darn it, I wish I'd had more fun'."
"Wow… great lesson. Can I be alone now?"
But Dr. Cygne did not answer this question. She didn't even seem to realize she'd been asked a question. Instead she just got this strange look in her eyes and started talking.
"This hospital used to be the family mansion, you know. My great grandfather Philippe designed every room, right down to the smallest detail." She said for no apparent reason. "This room, for example, used to be his private abattoir. See, great grandpa liked all his meat fresh, but he didn't like the quality at the local butcher shops. That's why he set up this room so he could cut up his own meat. Soundproof walls. A big drain in the floor. Such a clever man, that Philippe. Wish I could've met him."
"Is there a point to this, or are you just rambling again?"
"My point, Mr. Ringo, is that this building has been in my family for generations. I know all its secrets. Every nook. Every cranny. Every single detail. Which is why I can say with absolute certainty that no one besides the three of us will ever know about what comes next."
"The… three of us?" he repeated confusedly. "What are you…"
CREEEEEEEAAAAAK!
As if to answer his question, a small part of the wall suddenly lifted up into the ceiling; forming a crude but functional doorway. Moments later, a lone figure stepped through said doorway and gave the hefty killer the shock of his life.
There, standing at the foot of his bed, right next to the peculiar doctor, was that cheerleader from earlier. Not the bitchy one, but the other one. The kind of messed up one. What was her name again?
"Chantelle." She said abruptly.
"W-What?"
"That's my name, genius. Chantelle Riverbottom. I know you've already forgotten it."
"What, n-no, I…"
"Don't bother denying it. Everyone forgets my name. But then again, that's kind of what I'm going for."
"What the hell's going on here? What is this?"
"I already told you, Mr. Ringo. What's going on is that you are in very deep trouble." Dr. Cygne said in a soft yet menacing tone. "You see, Mr. Ringo, I'm an optimist. No matter how bad things get I always try to look at the funny side. Heh-Heh-Heh… But then you kidnapped my daughter. And now things aren't so funny. So don't you worry about those nasty feds, Mr. Ringo. By the time they get here, you'll have pulled off the single most mindboggling escape in the history of this country."
Suddenly, a dark and malevolent aura filled up the room and a tremendous pressure started pushing down against Ringo's body; instantly knocking all the air out of his lungs.
"Whuh-Whah!" the hefty man caughed out as he struggled in vain just to breathe. "WHA! WHAGAH! WHAGAH!"
"What's he saying, mommy?" Chantelle asked her mother in mock confusion.
"I don't know, precious. But if I had to guess I'd say, 'Please, please, kill me now'."
"Oh, well do you think we should? I mean, who are we to let a poor dumb animal suffer?"
"Hmmmm… That's a good point, my little sweetie poo~ And I did miss lunch today."
"Well then by all means, please take the first bite."
"No, no, poopsie. What kind of mother would deprive her baby of such a pleasure."
"Okay, then we'll do it together. On three?"
"On three."
"One~"
Suddenly, a pair of dark shapes materialized behind the two maniacs.
"Two~"
Ringo felt his heart leap into his throat as one of the shapes lunged forward and revealed its large lamp like eyes and a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.
"THREE~"
And then the feast began.
End Notes:
Only two chapters left.
Gonna try to get them both done before I go on vacation, but no promises.
Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.
Peace.