Author's Note: I'm back again! I know, so soon, right?
I'm so sorry for the late delays. I'm so, so, so sorry. I really hate this just as much as you do, but no matter how hard I try to write the chapter down, something always get in the way. But I really, really appreciate your loyalty all the way until now. Seriously, there is just no way to express how much it means to me. And your reviews are just incredible, and I'm so happy to have found you all. But I must tell you, as it seems there are still people who believe I've abandoned this story, that I won't ever do that. I'm determined to finish it, and it's what I will do. I can promise you that much. *smiles*
Now, I recommend you read this with 'Wires' by Athlete for major feels attack. And I know this chapter is quite short, and I'm apologize sincerely for that, and I tried to extend it as much as I can, but I just couldn't make it long enough...*sigh*
Chapter Seven
It's almost funny how cruel life can be.
Bobby was never a deep man. He was never one to contemplate about life, about this world, about how things work in it. But he did sometimes wonder the whys and hows in his own life, like when his abusive father used to smack him and his mother around, or when Karen died, or when he had to watch his two boys get screwed over and over by the world.
Like now.
When he got off the phone with Dean, messaged him the location, and soon heard the beeping machines of a heart that's nearing its final beats.
A heart that's dying.
Giving up.
And he silently wonders, as the nurses and doctors rush around in the kid's room and yell things he can't understand to each other, whether life was laughing at them as it screwed them over once more.
.
.
He's crying as he watches them try to keep his heartbeat up. And he's crying so hard that he can't even breathe, and he wonders if this was how Sam felt in his last days; the constant pain in his chest, the crude despair, the breathlessness. The same cold fear that had haunted him for the past week has seemingly returned, settling into the deep pit of his stomach and constricting his heart. And here he was, thinking it was over, thinking he'd never have to feel it ever again.
He wonders, like he has been all this time, whether this is finally going to be it, the kid's last day, and whether Dean's going to reach here on time. But then, will it matter if it will only be to see his brother die right before his eyes all over again? He thinks about how wrong all of this is, how cruel and unfair it is for his boys, how untimely it all is.
And it was then he realizes something, something that wrenches and jolts his heart painfully in his chest and would have dropped him to his knees if he were able to stand.
He never got to tell Sam.
Somewhere in his mind, he already knows he never will.
.
.
He breaks all the speed limits as he drives down the empty road, the car rumbling towards the place he knows his family's residing in, where his entire world's ending. There's remorse and shame burning in his chest as he thinks about all the wasted time that could have been spent with his brother instead, terror and anxiety clenching his gut as he wonders whether he'll be able to do this one thing right in this entire situation and get to him or the universe will screw with them again (because isn't that what always happens?) as he worries about when it's all going to go wrong.
Loss and grief pushing down on him as he imagines what life would be like after it does.
And he doesn't know. He doesn't know how he'll keep breathing for every next day once his brother's stops. He doesn't know how he'll go on for the rest of his life when he barely made it through another hour the first time. There are no more deals that he can sell his soul to, no more deals in which he can exchange his life for his brother's. There's nothing he can do anymore to keep the very purpose for his existence, the only reason for his perseverance, alive and with him.
He'll forgive everything, each and every one of his mistakes if it meant not losing him. He'll do anything if it meant he could spend his forever with his brother.
If he could have another chance with him, he'll do better.
.
.
Sam's back arches off the bed as the paddles are pulled away, loud beeps filling the noisy and tense atmosphere of the room. It's the only thing Bobby hears in the midst of everything, the only thing that he holds on to because it's his and Dean's and Sam's last hope (as long as it's beeping, he's alive and that's everything to him in that moment).
"You just hold on, son. Just keep holding on," he whispers the same words he's been pleading all along.
.
.
.
"Heartrate's slowing!"
He's running. He's running so fast that the entire world's blurring by him but it doesn't matter because right now his world is dying in that hospital bed in ICU 22, his world that's falling and ending and on the verge of crumbling around him.
50
40
He hears the turbulent, alarming beeps somewhere in the distance.
30
20
And somewhere in his frantic mind, he notices it getting clearer and sharper the more he's nearing the room he's rushing towards.
10
And he hopes it's not what he thinks.
0
.
.
.
They're stepping away from the bed, heads bowed in respect as they do so. The heart machine's trailing flatlines, no longer giving the reassuring beeps of a living and beating heart. And the truth's right there on the screen of that damn machine, but he refuses to believe in it. Because Dean's not here and Sam doesn't know that he's coming and he hasn't gotten the one last thing he's ever wanted and Bobby can't let them down like this.
He's screaming at them, sorrow and grief that's weighing deep into his soul melding into desperation and denial and rage that smolders and burns in his heavy chest and colors his wet eyes red as he yells at them to not give up on the kid so soon (even though they've already been trying long enough) and to keep going because it can't just be over like this.
But some part of him knew it was.
"Time of death, 5:41pm."
Well, that was a harsh cliffhanger, eheh. *sheepish*
Please review! I would love to know what you thought about this chapter!