Chapter 45- Barney's Reflections

Sorry everyone. It's been a hard week. I had a few personal issues to take care of. But finally, this is done. What did you all think of the episode? I've be listening to the song on repeat all day. It really was everything I wanted it to be.

This and the next chapter are going to be a little bit different than the rest. I've realized it's been a while since we've gotten Barney's point of view of things, so here it is.

Thirty six weeks. His wife has made it to thirty six weeks, and she spent the last twenty four of them in bed for their baby's health. In about four more weeks, if everything goes right that is, he is going to be a father. He is going to be a father to a living, breathing, tiny human being, a human being he created with Robin.

A part of him couldn't be happier. After Shannon left him and broke his heart, he never bought into all that love business. Until he met Robin, that is. He never saw himself as a father or a future father, never mind wanting to be one. He always thought that pregnancy was something to be avoided. He never wanted that for himself.

But it was always different with her. Somehow, a child with her didn't seem like a scary thing. If it happened, it happened. He knew it probably never would, since she never wanted children. He always thought that maybe someday, she would change her mind. He wouldn't have cared if she never did though. She was truly all he ever needed. And he did mean that. But now, with his daughter only a few weeks away, he feels like the luckiest man on earth.

Still, he is a bit reluctant for things to change. He's not sure he's ready to be a father. Not in the way that he wants to run out the door and leave Robin, since he knows how much that would ruin her, but in an insecure he's nervous kind of way. Yes, he thinks he's done well as a father so far, just in being there for Robin. He cleaned out his suit room. He even put together a crib. And now that he's volunteered to be a stay at home dad for a year, it's even scarier.

Yes, he's always been good around babies. He's never had problems taking care of Eli, Sadie, and Marvin, but it's different to baby sit and give the baby back to its parents at the end of the night. There will be no giving Brianna back to someone else to do the hard work. He's going to have to do the hard work: the diaper explosions, the spit ups, the discipline. It's why being the cool uncle was so much fun and a job he very much looked forward to. He would have no problem teaching the other's kids how to live. He could make them awesome.

But now, he has to teach his own child to be awesome. How do you teach them how to be awesome, but at the same time, keep them safe? How is he supposed to teach her how to live life to the fullest, yet avoid men like he used to be? He has no idea how he can possibly do her justice, how he can be the parent she deserves.

If Lily or Tracy, or even Ted were here, they would give him some load of crap about already being there for her. After all, look at what he's done for her already- giving up his job, giving up his social life with them to take care of Robin. Then of course, he'd argue that Robin does and has done a whole lot more, because to him, it doesn't feel like he's done anything special or out of the ordinary, while she's spent the whole time in bed.

So he's there for Robin 24/7? He loves her. He would be crazy not to be there with her all the time. He'd do anything to make her happy, to make her feel needed, even if she doesn't need to feel needed. He loves her so damn much. It doesn't feel like he's given up anything for her. And really, for the most part, even though just about everything is falling to him right now- cooking and cleaning and things of that nature- there isn't really anything about her pregnancy that really bothered him. Except one thing.

He'd heard from Marshall a few years back that Lily was always hot when she was pregnant with Marvin. He laughed it off at the time, and didn't think much of it. The problem is that he's not married to a normal person like Lily. He's married to a Canadian.

Robin, it seems, can't cool herself off. Ever. Not even close. She had stopped sleeping under the covers with him because she was too hot. She had stopped wearing most clothing. Okay, maybe he was ok with that but not as much as he would be if they could have sex. It was like dangling a dang carrot in front of him. But worst of all, she had taken to keeping the window open. It started out as a crack, which he could handle, and slowly but surely opened up the entire way. He thanks god that at least it is nowhere near as cold as it was last January during the polar vortex. Thirty-two degrees is his limit. He may be one quarter Canadian, but he is not a person that is meant to live in the cold.

He started wearing sweats to bed around the time she started to crack the window, which was unusual to say the least. Yesterday, he had to start wearing long underwear under his suits, on top of gloves and a hat in the bedroom.

But there is no way he is going to ask Robin to close the window. If having the window open makes her feel better, then that's what needs to happen. He'd do anything for Robin, including sleeping a winter coat, if that's what he has to do. And not only does she mean that much to him, but so does Brianna, and whatever is good for Robin is good for Brianna.

His eye opening moment this week on the journey to becoming a father was them packing the bag for her to take to the hospital. Okay, it was more him packing, and Robin reading him the list, but still, he can't believe that it is going to happen quite this soon. Just the stuff they needed to pack reminded him of how much their lives are going to change. Just to know that sometime in the next month, his daughter is going to be coming home in the pink and purple ruffled outfit that Robin picked out last night, scares the hell out of him.

Yet, at the same time, his daughter is going to be coming home in that outfit. The daughter that he created with the person he loves more than anyone in the world. The thought of getting to meet her, to find out whether she has Robin's eyes, or his nose, or her hair, it makes all the scary feelings rush away. He just wants to lay his eyes on her. He is willing to bet that she will be as beautiful as her mother.

The thing is, he knows this is going to be wonderful, no matter how scared he is. Because the truth is, no matter what happens, they are on this journey together.

1/22/15

It's week thirty six, and that means only one more week until I've safely made it to full term! This week we decided to tackle a project that we've been putting off for a while. We really should have done it weeks ago, considering my medical situation, but we were both avoiding it because it means that it's all real. So what is it we did? We packed the bag for the hospital.

We packed things for the baby- an outfit was all we were told that we needed, but we packed a blanket anyway. We packed things for me- makeup, a robe, some socks, and a towel were some of the things on my suggested list, and they are things I never would have considered to take along. Plus, we added a pillow. And we packed a bag for my husband as well- a few cans of Red Bull, a couple of snacks, and a cigar, because, well, it's a birth.

So now the bag is sitting by the front door, with the car seat, waiting for us to rush by and pick them up on our way to the hospital. And just knowing that it's there, ready to go, makes this feel very real. Readers, is there anything else we should take to the hospital?