It wasn't love. It wasn't even affection. What she felt toward Sideswipe was overpowering desire, an inclination to be touched and felt, a passion that left her feeling uncomfortably needy. Alexis couldn't stay away from him, couldn't stop. What she felt with the Autobot when she was with him wasn't good or even pure, but it made her feel alive.

And that had to be worth something.

The way he had learned to kiss her was impossibly unforgettable. The way his metallic flesh felt against her own was exotic and intoxicating, and the vibrations and soothing caress of his energy, at moments, would have been enough to commit full heartedly.

But when she was left to herself and her wandering thoughts, Alexis knew the sudden want of Sideswipe couldn't have been right, knew the strangling lust that made her blood rush and her skin heat at the thought or sight of him wasn't what she needed to move forward, nor a path toward healing and recovery, but a side-road of further disillusionment and ultimately disappointment.

But the lust was new for her, powerful and undeniable. The physical attraction and need addicting. He was attractive. He was beautiful. He was everything her fantasies could have come up with and her dreams could have offered.

But being who Sideswipe was there were too many moments when he spoke, did something or just acted that would remind her that his beauty came in a pompous package of arrogance and conceit, and that would throttle her desires and leave her feeling cold.

Alexis knew exactly what she had to do. The only thing was that she would forget the moment he was with her again. And that was a problem she couldn't seem to work past. But if she continued with him, she would have to let him in at some point. Unless the physical need was all there was between them. Either way, she let things happen between them, so she had to figure things out. She could let him in, let them see if things could even work between them.

That thought twisted a knot in her belly. But she couldn't let how Thundercracker treated her be the deciding factor of pollution on all her relationships. She could do it. She could talk to him, confide in him. Yes, she would try. Somehow, Alexis felt she had to.

Sideswipe had been towering over her all day. Alexis managed to still get some work done, but the talking that began to happen around them, the chatter of gossip and eager conversation that somehow she knew was about the Autobot's physical presence and the way he was manipulating her area was harder to get away from, at least until she grabbed her tablet and started to listen to some music.

When the group broke for lunch, the Autobot led her away. He was so impatient that he bypassed her usual objections and picked her up in his hand. Of course, he had to do that in front of everyone, causing whispers to follow behind.

Setting her down on a table in an empty room, one with monitors and screens on every wall, she sat down. The room seemed vaguely familiar, but she knew it was because Josh had described it to her. It was one of the places the Autobots brought the humans when they were planning things.

"Go ahead and eat, Alexis. I will wait."

Something prickled down her skin. She looked up at him.

"Wait for what?"

He sat down in a chair behind her, forcing her to turn around. Her legs shifted to the side as she watched him. There was an intensity behind his presence that magnified when he smiled, the side of his mouth curling up with a knowledge she was unaware of.

"For you to get your things and come with me."

"I..."

He briskly interrupted her, not allowing her to speak, "My brother and I are eager for you to join us in our living quarters. You will have everything you want and the benefit of being near us."

Our. Us. She heard that clearly and understood immediately. It was if she was slapped in the face in a fit of mania. The impact of his words allowed the haze of lust and confusion to evaporate and dissolve away as once more she saw Sideswipe as he was. He never exactly made her feel special or even cared for, but she had been able to ignore that.

Sideswipe wanted her to be with him and his brother? Sure, why not? But the way his words made her feel, the sick humor and the twisted pang of worthlessness left her eyes stinging and her stomach bubbling.

Yes, this is what she got for following after something that wasn't good. This is what she got for pursing someone she didn't care about. Let him in? Confide and talk to him? What had she been thinking? What was she expecting?

Alexis stood to her feet. Looking for a way off the table, she found it and focused on it. First though, she had some things she needed to say.

"This ends here." A week and a half it lasted, whatever they had was. Saying those words wasn't hard and the relief that came with their utterance was astonishing.

His optics fizzled and he jerked back in surprise at her stern words. Did he really expect her to eagerly accept? To grab her things and move in with him... them? Nobody knew who she was, and most especially not Sideswipe. And why was it suddenly so important that he did? Because everyone deserved to be cared for, to feel special and loved... deserved better.

She walked away, down the long stairs and on the shiny floor beneath. He stood. His arms crossed over his chassis with the subtle sound of machinery at work while the dim light from overhead gladly descended on his frame, gliding along his frame as it showed off the clean surface and provocative metal sections of his body that met and temporarily merged.

"Stop right there." Sideswipe's words were tainted with dark emotions and an unmistakable order. "Ends here? Not if I have anything to say about it. I am not through with you. We haven't even started."

Heaving out a thick breath, she spoke. "This was a mistake. My emotions have been running high ever since I saw Thundercracker again. I'm sorry."

Alexis thought he was intense before, but now his presence of self became magnified with a powerful disturbance. He became rigid with his gaze searing relentlessly down on her.

"What does the Seeker have anything do with it?" Sideswipe's optics surged and held their brightness.

She turned her head away, unwilling to answer.

"I asked you a question, Alexis. You will answer."

Alexis lifted her eyes up and shook her head no.

He brought his hand up and slammed a fist down hard on the table. It bent under the blow, a noticeable downward lump forming below the surface.

"I don't like you," Alexis blurted out, the truth causing her words to stir with an unconventional directness.

Sideswipe shifted to face her. For several long moments, he just stared at her. Suddenly, managing to scare Alexis in the process, he began to laugh.

"Like me?" he said with marred humor. "I don't need you to like me, just want me." He didn't stop there though, his words continuing with unmistakable course pleasure. "You aren't beautiful or highly intelligent. Come from a baby race and are of no one of importance. Do you know what it means to be chosen by us? It means you don't have to remain insignificant. I told you my brother and I shared everything. We will share you as well. You accepted my advances. You will accept his as well."

"No," Alexis told him.

He interpreted her refusal as reluctance and when he spoke, she was reminded once more of how little he knew her. "He will learn to appreciate you, as I have."

She cringed and took a step back. What he said was ridiculous. The more he spoke, the more insulted she felt. This was one of the reasons why she didn't talk or confide in him. Have a relationship with him? Yes, she obviously wasn't thinking clearly.

The Autobot spoke again, the mirth replaced with a whisper of words, carved out of surety and twisted almost reasonable assurance. "You are attracted to me. You want me. And that is why you will come to me."

"And your brother," she added with mockery.

"Yes, and my brother," he replied, not noticing her tone of voice.

"I am attracted to you," she told him, catching his attention and easing him unintentionally. But Alexis wasn't through. "I may even want you... but what I feel toward you, I don't trust. What I want with you, I don't need. I'm leaving now. Please, don't follow me."

As she made her way past him, avoiding his gaze, she sensed him take a couple of steps after her, but he didn't follow. Finally, he did something right.

Out in the hallway, she passed Sunstreaker, who was leaning far too casually against a nearby wall. He watched her walk by and then angled his body upward and went toward where Alexis had left his twin.

She really didn't want to watch Sarah and Mark, the younger brother and sister of Peter. They had too much energy and wanted too much attention for what she wanted to do. But letting go of her own wants, she was able to find fun with them.

And she did promise that she would watch them. The teenager deserved time to himself and while he didn't seem burdened by the responsibility of being both mom and dad to his siblings, he did sometimes seem distracted and unresponsive to others.

Their brother returned late. Late enough that the two kids had fallen asleep on Josh's couch. Fortunately, her brother was spending the night at Bobby's. Amanda had gone to sleep an hour before. She had helped a little with watching the kids, but mainly left Alexis to take care of them. She didn't fail to notice the sadness that emanated from her friend when kids were nearby, a frustration as well that flustered and angered the woman.

"Sorry I am late," the boy seemed off somehow, but she easily dismissed it. She didn't know him well enough to decide his mood.

He sat down on the edge of the couch with his brother and sister. He stared at them both, not saying anything further. Finally, Sarah stirred and noticed her brother. With that, Alexis turned the lights on.

The two kids were too busy gathering their stuff and searching for their shoes to notice their elder brother. But Alexis saw the lipstick on his neck, noticed his shirt that was buttoned wrong and the collar that was torn.

Peter didn't move or offer to help them find their stuff, just told the two to hurry up and go home. They did as they were told, too busy in another game they had just invented to bother with the strange tone of their brother's voice.

A couple of awkward moments passed before he acknowledged that Alexis was even there.

"I... I uh, that is..." He stuttered and faltered. "Thanks, thanks for watching them."

But still, he didn't get up or even make an effort to move.

The awkwardness increased. It wasn't until she realized he wanted her to say something that things started to make a little sense.

"Are you okay?"

She sat down on a nearby chair. Alexis picked up a familiar scent, the perfume suddenly so noticeable that she wondered why it took so long to.

"She didn't say no," he told her, as if that explained everything. "I didn't expect her to..." His head fell forward and his face turned dark. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I am doing. Everything I do is wrong. I should go."

Alexis stopped him by grabbing lightly to his shoulder and letting go. He faced her. For the first time since she had met him, he looked her over, examining her and studying her as if seeing someone new. Peter's gaze dropped and lingered. Realizing what he was doing, he blushed bright, making ineligible excuses before hastily removing himself from her presence.