Chapter Twenty Five – All for Some Paws and a Cause

"You look beautiful."

Ben honestly thought beautiful might have been a bit of an understatement. Gorgeous was probably more appropriate. He stepped closer to her and rested his hands on her waist, which was perfectly accentuated by her outfit. The sleeveless navy and silver dress clung to her upper body before falling in gentle folds until just above her knees. She'd pinned her hair up, but a few strands still hung loose to frame her face.

"Thank you," she near whispered as she smoothed her hands down her dress.

She'd bought it specifically for the fundraiser. The colors would match Suvi's vest and the center's color scheme.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Go nowhere?" she teased.

"Got that did you?"

"I did. Just don't think you'll be staying there by yourself after I decide it's time to go."

"Scout's honor."

"Promise me something else."

"Sure. What?"

"That you'll behave yourself," Olivia said firmly.

Ben took a half step back, touched a hand to his chest, and faked affront.

"You think I wouldn't?"

"I think you and my friend Micheal could be a very scary combination. I already warned him to behave and I'm giving you the same warning, only stronger."

Ben rubbed her cheek and then leaned in to kiss her gently.

"Don't worry. I know how to be professional when I need to be."

"I know." She squeezed his arm and turned to look for Suvi. "Vesuvius!"

Suvi came running out of the kitchen with a scramble of claws and the rhythmic patter of feet. His fur was shining in the light after the bath and thorough brushing Olivia had given him after their trip to the park. She wanted to really show him off for the fundraiser.

"Hey, Su. I hope you finished your dinner because we have places to be."

She clipped Suvi's vest and leash on so they could all head out the door. Ben had decided to call a cab since finding parking near the event would be near impossible. It wasn't a very long drive even with city traffic, and when they arrived Ben caught Olivia's arm and stopped her before she could go inside.

"I have one more song for you before we go in."

Olivia looked at him curiously, but he only pulled out his cell and started tapping away. A moment later her cell phone pinged. She dug it out of the small purse she'd brought and pulled up the song.

""Brave…""

"You know it?"

"Vaguely, I think. Isn't it rather new?"

"Yeah. You should listen to it. Really listen to it."

"Okay."

She guided him off to the side so others could get through the door. After turning the volume down on her phone she hit play and did what Ben had asked. She really listened to what the song was saying. After almost four minutes when the song finally ended she just stood there staring down at her phone.

"I know how hard it is for you to talk about what you're feeling, Olivia. This time, be brave."

Olivia looked up at him and slid her arm around his neck in a half hug. His arms slipped around her in return. The hug didn't last very long before Suvi shoved his nose in between them. They both laughed and pulled away from each other.

"Someone's jealous," Ben laughed.

"Sorry, Suvi. We would give you a hug too, but blond fur on black pants or a navy dress would stand out pretty bad."

She stroked his ears, which seemed to satisfy him as an okay replacement to a hug, and headed for the fundraiser entrance. Ben followed after her. It didn't take them very long to get flagged down despite the growing crowd.

"Olivia!"

"Hi, Marshelle."

"I'm glad you could come."

"Thanks. Looks like you have a full house."

Marshelle smiled and nodded.

"We're definitely getting close to that point. Hopefully it's a sign that we'll do well."

"You will. Ah, I should have introduced you sooner. Ben, this is Marshelle. She's in charge of Paws with a Cause and is the reason I have Suvi."

Ben reached out and shook Marshelle's hand in greeting.

"Thank you for getting him for her."

"I would say you're welcome, but I owe her for saving him." Marshelle turned her gaze from Ben to Suvi to Olivia. "He looks fantastic, Olivia."

"He is pretty amazing," she agreed.

Seeming to know he was the topic of conversation Suvi tipped his head up and grinned at all of them. Yes, he was pretty amazing, wasn't he?

"Are you all set for tonight?"

"I'm about as ready as I can be."

"You'll be the last one speaking, so enjoy yourself until then."

"Thanks. Have you seen Micheal?"

"He's sitting on the right I believe. It shouldn't be hard to find him with Tucker around."

Olivia grinned. Even with various service dogs in the crowd, Marshelle was right. Tucker, being a behemoth, would still stand out.

"True. We'll leave you to your other guests."

Olivia, Ben, and Suvi slowly threaded their way through the groups of people waiting for the event to start. As Marshelle had suspected, it wasn't hard to find Micheal and Tucker. After winding their way through the tables Olivia reached them. Like Suvi had the day before, Tucker was the first one to notice their arrival. He bounded to his feet, alerting Micheal and Lauren.

"Hey! Look who's here," Micheal called out as he stood with some help from the table.

Olivia leaned in to give him a quick hug.

"Micheal, Lauren, this is Ben."

"Hey," Ben said as he lifted a hand in greeting.

"Did your girlfriend give you the "you better behave" speech too?" Micheal asked.

"Oh yeah. I figure I should be a good boy and do what she says."

Olivia rolled her eyes and sat down. They'd only said one sentence to each other and already they were hitting it off and proving her right.

"I can see why you were worried," Lauren admitted, her eyes shifting warily between Ben and Micheal.

"Yeah."

They all sat and talked while the rest of the guests arrived and everyone took their seats. As Olivia looked around she realized that almost every seat was occupied. She estimated there were about sixty people there. It was a good showing and should amount to a solid total donation to the center. The number of people didn't really bother Olivia. She'd spoken to more at one time, but that had been about sex crimes. This would be about her. Marshelle started heading toward the podium in the front of the room, and immediately Olivia's nerves flared up. It was starting.

She looked down and tried to focus on breathing slowly so she would calm down. Her fingers threaded into Suvi's fur which did far more to calm her than breathing slowly.

Marshelle greeted everyone and thanked them for coming. She explained the general schedule of topics and speakers for the evening before beginning to talk about Paws with a Cause's history, goals, and stats. Olivia found herself tuning out before long. It wasn't that she didn't want to hear what Marshelle was saying; it was simply her fears taking over. The rest of the speeches, even Micheal getting up to give his, were all a blur. She wouldn't have even realized how little time she had left if Ben hadn't reached out and squeezed her arm.

"You're up really soon. Are you ready?"

"Not really," she whispered back.

"Just say what you want to say."

That got the faintest of smiles from Olivia. It was exactly what he had hoped would happen. He rubbed at her arm and smiled encouragingly at her in return.

"You'll be great."

Figuring it was about time to get her notes prepared she dug through her purse and pulled the notecards out. She went through them once to make sure they were all in order. They were, but it didn't make her feel any better. The notes were really just a fake safety net or security blanket. She was supposed to be talking about her life, and that shouldn't need notes. As Micheal walked back toward their table Marshelle announced Olivia's name. Olivia took a final deep breath, gathered her notes and Suvi's leash, and headed up. She only got two steps away when she stopped and turned back. Ben looked at her worriedly, but all she did was grab her phone. She wouldn't be able to play the song, but at least she could leave the icon on the screen and keep the phone next to her as a reminder. After setting her notes and phone on the podium she turned to look at the waiting crowd. Suvi sat happily beside her ready to offer support if she needed it, and she had a strong feeling she would. With a deep, steadying breath she began.

"Normally I would start at the beginning, but I do need to jump ahead a bit first. I do have a seizure disorder; it's why I have Suvi." She waved toward her dog sitting quietly next to her. "There is a possibility that I could have a seizure while I'm up here or at any other point tonight. It won't be any more pleasant for you to watch than for me to experience, but Suvi knows what to do."

She smiled and ruffled her dog's ears before continuing.

"Now let's rewind a little bit. I'm a retired NYPD detective of sixteen years. For most of my adult life I lived for the job. Sixteen years of working all hours, finding rapists, sex offenders, and child molesters, and bringing justice to victims. I came in early, stayed late, and gave my cell number to victims so they could call me anytime day or night. If they needed me at 2:30 in the morning, I was there without question. I didn't have any family, and my friends consisted of my partner and our fellow detectives. My job at SVU literally was my life. At least it was until I met a man named Douglas Archer.

"I'd conducted countless interrogations and had dealt with just as many violent sex offenders. Dealing with him wasn't anything new, and I had more than enough experience and accommodations to prove my competence. Little did I know that the moment he had walked into our squad room it was the beginning of the end for me. Everything I'm going to tell you about what happened that day is pieced together from what I've been told because I don't remember any of it. While I was interrogating him he was planning how to get one more victim to his name before he spent the rest of his life in prison. That victim was me."

She'd barely managed to get out the word victim. It sent a whole new rush of pain and embarrassment through her. Even after what had happened she didn't like thinking of herself as a victim, true though it was. Of course she'd stepped beyond being a victim, and that realization gave her the courage to continue again.

"He slammed my head into the cinderblock wall multiple times. When I finally woke up in the hospital I was told I had been in a coma from a traumatic brain injury and the subsequent surgeries. The seizures started almost immediately. So did the shaking, weakness, and splitting headaches."

Olivia stopped and looked down. The easy part was over. She had explained the cause of her injury many times before, but now she had to talk from the heart and lower her walls. Her eyes landed on her phone and then lifted to search out Ben. When she met his eyes he nodded encouragingly at her.

"In one moment I lost everything. There really aren't enough words to explain what that was like, but try to imagine this: You've lost your job with no hope of getting it, or anything similar, back. You've lost your ability to drive. You run out of milk and have no way to get more because you can't leave your home even to walk a few blocks down the street. At least you can't without risking your own safety. A coffee table is now a life threatening object. You want to watch TV, but your fingers are shaking too hard to hold the remote. At any point you could wake up on the floor sore and covered in bruises."

She could read the looks on the faces in her audience. They were starting to understand, at least as much as they could without actually experiencing it.

"Losing your independence and everything that's important to you can lead to very dark places. I lived on the couch, or on bad days, on the floor. That was, of course, when I even bothered to get out of bed. My doctors were amazed I had survived, and I wished I hadn't. There wasn't anything out there for me because I would never be able to get my life back. Even when my captain came to me with a light that could help lead me out of the dark tunnel I was living in I didn't see much point. What could there possibly be for me to live for anymore? Being a detective had defined me, and even if this light could help me I would never get that definition back. I could never be me again, so I basically gave up on everything. There didn't seem to be any reason to try something that could help me if it couldn't help me get everything back. Thankfully Marshelle and the dogs convinced me otherwise. Marshelle asked me if I was willing to give up the chance to have a door opened into a new life. Vesuvius was that door."

Olivia stepped away from the podium and rested a hand on Suvi's head.

"Suvi gave me my independence back. He gave me my life back. I may not be a detective anymore, but Suvi has given me the confidence to live my life again. Thanks to Suvi I work as a consultant for the NYPD, speak at sexual assault conferences, and advocate for victims. He's made such a huge impact for me that I couldn't help sharing some of the happiness he brings to me with other people who are in need of a pick-me-up.

"Suvi is my hands when mine aren't steady. He's my warning alarm for impending seizures. During one and after, he's my personal nurse and support system, never leaving my side until he knows I'm okay. Outside of my apartment Suvi is my security net. He's a reason to smile and get up every morning even when I'm feeling my worst, but more important than all of that, Suvi is my best friend. I have him to thank for everything I have now. I don't know what I would do without him."

She'd finished with her head lifted, confidence in herself and pride in her dog surrounding her. With the last words spoken however she dropped her gaze. As proud of herself and Suvi as she might have become, she didn't want to see their eyes on her. She didn't want to know what kind of expressions would be staring back at her through their eyes. After gathering her supplies she told Suvi to heel and returned to her seat. When she sat back down Ben gave her a bright smile and reached out to squeeze her hand.

"I'm proud of you, Olivia."

It didn't make Olivia any more comfortable, and she had to struggle to return the smile. Thankfully Ben seemed to know that talking more about her speech wouldn't be a good idea. He wouldn't be letting it go forever, but she would at least be safe for the rest of the evening. Hopefully as the event progressed she would begin to relax again. There were still a lot of chances for them to have fun tonight if she was willing to give herself a chance.

Slowly, very slowly, Ben could see some of the tension and unease leaving her. By the time he saw a real smile on her face again they'd already eaten and the more social part of the evening was in full swing. She deserved to have some fun too, and he wanted to make sure that she did.

Ben gently touched her arm, drawing her attention away from Suvi.

"Come dance with me."

"Dance? You're kidding."

"Nope. Come dance with me," he repeated.

"Ben, I haven't done any dancing since college."

"Good. It'll make you feel younger."

She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. Personally she thought dancing was more likely to make her feel old than anything else. There was something more important she needed to worry about though, and it was the best argument she could give against going out onto the dance floor.

"I can't leave Suvi here, Ben."

"Then don't. We'll dance on the edge of the group so Suvi can wait right next to us and watch."

So much for her best argument. Olivia looked down, unsure. Ben had a feeling she was going to refuse, but he didn't want to give her the chance to say no. He stood and ruffled Suvi's ears regardless of the fact that he wasn't really supposed to be touching Suvi since he was working.

"Come on, Suvi. Let's go bring Olivia out to dance."

Suvi popped to his feet but turned to look at Olivia. His eyes weren't the only ones on her; Ben's were too. With both of them watching her so intently there was nothing she could do but agree. She slipped her hand into Ben's and he guided her out to the dance floor. Suvi settled himself on the ground nearby where he wouldn't be stepped on by the dancers but could still see her and be close at hand.

"Relax, Liv," Ben soothed as she slid her arms around him.

"You make that sound so easy."

"It is easy. Just focus on me and don't worry about anybody else."

Olivia shook her head at him but leaned in closer so she could bury her face in the crook of his neck. It was comfortable, and she didn't have to worry about anyone watching her. Ben grinned and held her a bit tighter and the swayed to the music. Before long Micheal and Lauren joined them on the dance floor, Tucker taking up a spot beside Suvi. They danced to a few more songs and then Micheal broke away from his fiancé to tap Ben on the shoulder.

"May I? Just one dance."

Ben glanced down at Olivia, and she gave him a tiny nod of agreement. He kissed her firmly before letting her go. While he was willing to let Micheal have one dance with his girlfriend, he was going to make sure he claimed Olivia as his first. Olivia rolled her eyes at him and lightly shoved him away.

"Stop."

Being possessive. Being jealous. Acting like a child.

Ben got the hint and headed back to their table with Lauren. Olivia turned toward Micheal and offered him a small smile.

"Sorry about him," she said as she rested her arms on his shoulders.

"Don't worry about it. He cares enough about you to be jealous. In my book that's a good thing."

"Not so sure I agree with you."

"You don't have to."

"Good because I still want to hit him."

Lucky for Ben she decided to restrain herself when her song with Micheal ended. He had the chance to return to dancing with her, but luck wasn't going to stay with him. Once again his time with Olivia was going to be cut short. Suvi whined softly, catching Olivia's attention.

"What is it, buddy?" she asked.

He trotted over, sat, and lifted a paw to rest on her leg. When he realized she didn't understand he scooted even further between her and Ben. It definitely wasn't the sign of an impending seizure. The message finally clicked, and Olivia laughed.

"Looks like someone else is feeling a bit jealous and left out."

She rubbed at his ears, but he lifted a paw up again like he was trying to reach her hand. Olivia grinned again before holding her hands out for him.

"Up."

The command was what he'd been waiting for. He jumped up to put both paws in her hands and stood comfortably on his back legs. Ben had gotten to dance with her; now it was his turn.

"Is a dog actually cutting in on me?"

"Seems that way," Olivia confirmed.

"He is seriously going to give me a complex you know."

"I know."

Ben smiled and shook his head at Olivia. While he would have preferred to be the one dancing with her, at least she seemed to be truly enjoying herself. Seeing the smile on her face was worth it, even if he did feel less important than a dog.