Chapter Twenty Seven – Seizure Created Ripples

"Seriously, Ben. I've never seen you this focused on a bottle of beer." Cole plucked the bottle off the table and shook it lightly before correcting himself. "A mostly empty bottle of beer."

Cole hadn't gotten a word out of his brother for what had easily been five minutes. It really could have been longer, but he hadn't been keeping the exact time. At first he'd been talking and Ben had been listening, though Cole had soon come to realize that Ben wasn't listening anymore. In fact, he wasn't even pretending to listen. His eyes were focused vaguely on his beer, but his mind was definitely somewhere else. A llama smoking a cigar could walk into the bar, and Ben probably wouldn't notice. At least Cole's movement and voice seemed to have partially roused Ben.

"It's not the beer."

"No shit. You haven't taken a sip from it in a while."

Ben smiled weakly and finished the rest of the bottle simply to prove Cole wrong though he really had very little interest in the beer. Cole kicked at Ben's bar stool to get his attention and simply to vent his annoyance.

"You were the one that invited me out here and you're being pretty lousy company," he complained.

"I know. I invited you out as a distraction, but it's not really working."

Cole sobered and turned so he was fully facing his brother. Ben had gone back to staring at his bottle and twisting it in his fingers. Something was definitely eating at him.

"Ben, what's going on?"

Ben didn't answer him. To actually explain what was bothering him would require him to expose Olivia's disability. That was something he really didn't want to do. Even though he trusted Cole fully, he still didn't feel right sharing. It was like a betrayal of Olivia's trust, and her trust was hard won.

"It's about Olivia, isn't it?" Cole pressed when Ben remained silent.

"Yeah."

Immediately Cole was on edge. He'd known this would happen. In fact, he'd even warned his brother not to let himself get hurt. Apparently Ben hadn't gotten that message.

"I told you, Ben. I told you to be careful. Please tell me she at least broke up with you kindly."

"She didn't break up with me. In fact, we're doing really well. Olivia is super guarded, but recently she's starting to reveal more about herself. It's nice. I feel like I'm finally breaking through some of her barriers and getting to know her."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So what's the problem then?"

Ben hesitated again. Cole wasn't going to let up until he got an answer, and Ben really did want to tell him what was going on so he had someone to talk to about it. He loved Olivia and wanted her to be a part of his life in the long term. If that happened, Cole would find out about the challenges she faced eventually. Ben knew Cole would be understanding. That was how Cole was. Choice made, Ben met his brother's eyes.

"There's something you don't know about Olivia."

"Here it comes," Cole grumbled in annoyance.

"Liv has a seizure disorder. It's what forced her to leave her job as a detective."

"That's…" He floundered for a moment. "…not what I was expecting."

"Remember Suvi? He's her service dog."

Cole was really having trouble making sense of what Ben was saying. He'd suspected there was some secret, something about Olivia that neither of them were admitting, but he'd assumed it was something obviously negative. A red flag type of thing; definitely not this. It was a lot to take in all at once, and he couldn't even begin to consider the full implications of a seizure disorder. There was only one thing he could quickly come up with to say in response.

"I guess that explains why he's so well trained."

"That would be why," Ben replied with a smile on his face.

Cole's response had only lightly touched the topic at hand, but that was alright. It was giving him more time to digest what he'd just learned.

"A seizure disorder, huh? She seemed fine when we were at the park."

"Most of the time she is. I've only ever seen her have a few seizures, but trust me, that's bad enough."

The tone of his voice when he finished was enough to tell Cole that this was what had been bothering his brother. He'd never seen anyone have a seizure, and he couldn't even imagine how hard that would be to watch, especially when it was happening to someone he cared about.

"Ben…"

"I hate seeing her have to go through that, Cole. I want to be able to snap my fingers and make it all go away, but I'm helpless to do anything."

"Shit, Ben."

"It scares me sometimes. I'm hoping I'll figure out how to cope with it eventually, but I just don't know how much that can actually happen. I'm pretty sure I haven't even seen one of her bad days yet." He paused and rubbed at his head in frustration. His deep pain and distress was still etched across his face. "Whenever she's hurting I am too."

"You love her that much?"

Cole didn't really need to ask the question since he already knew the answer, but he appreciated Ben's nod of confirmation anyway.

"You had to pick someone challenging, didn't you?" Cole sighed.

"I didn't figure it would be this challenging even after I talked to her the first time."

Cole groaned and ran a hand through his hair. He wanted to help Ben, he really did, but he had no idea how. About all he could do was lend an ear. Unfortunately that just didn't seem like it would be good enough. If this was even remotely what it felt like when Ben witnessed one of Olivia's seizures then Cole could understand why he was so upset. It was a terrible feeling. To have to experience it multiple times? Cole didn't think he would be able to handle it and he had no idea how Ben would do any better.

"Look… maybe you should find someone to talk to. Seriously talk to."

"Meaning a therapist. Wow, thanks, Cole."

"It doesn't have to be, but it should be someone that actually knows about this."

"It's not that bad," Ben insisted.

"Maybe not yet, but that shouldn't stop you. I don't want it to get that bad."

"Maybe. I'm going to try and learn a little bit more. Hopefully that and spending more time with her will make it easier to deal with."

"If you say so."

This time it was Ben's turn to launch a kick at Cole, only he aimed for a different type of leg. Cole yelped and nearly fell off his stool. When he recovered, he shot Ben a dark look.

"What was that for?"

"Your vote of confidence."

They stared at each other in irritation for a few seconds before the tension broke and they both smiled. Cole waved to the bartender and ordered up two more beers. He waited until they'd each taken a few sips before saying anything.

"Must be a pretty special woman if you're willing to deal with all of this to stay with her."

"Or I'm an idiot," Ben teased.

"Or that. I'm not sure I've decided which is the real reason yet."

"Olivia would roll her eyes and tell you I'm just an idiot."

Cole laughed. From what Ben had said plus the short period of time Cole had spent with her, he figured that was very true.

"I'm leaning more toward a mix of the two."

"Speaking of Olivia, she doesn't know I told you about her condition. So next time you meet her…"

"Don't stare and act weird? Tell her I know? Come on, Ben. I'm not Ryan. Her secret will be safe with me."

"Thanks."

"How has she managed to keep that a secret anyway?"

"Luck mostly. It helped that all of our dates were outdoors too so she could keep Suvi's vest off."

"Did you know about it the last time we were all together for pizza and beer?"

"Yeah, but I'd only found out recently. We didn't discuss it much, and she was still being really careful at that point. I didn't even know what had caused her seizures."

She'd really told him a lot in the past few weeks; however, the unease and hesitation was still more than visible when it came to personal topics. At least she was pushing through the instinct to stay silent now. Knowing more only made him want to help more. Of course helping was much easier said than done. Ben knew he could make her smile, but that felt like he was helping her cover up her pain. Unfortunately he didn't know how to help "heal" her pain.

"But you do now?"

"I try not to remember really."

"That bad, huh?"

"Worth a beer or two. At least. She told me what she knew about it. That was more than enough. I don't want a clearer picture in my head."

"Let's keep it out of mine then."

"Good choice."

After all, once it was there, there was no way to get it out. When he'd first learned what had happened to Olivia his mind couldn't help rushing ahead with imagination and trying to fill in the holes to truly see what she had experienced. It had been bad enough that he'd wondered whether or not he wished she'd even told him. In the end he'd decided it had been worth it despite the pain because at least he could say he knew about that defining moment in her life. Despite that though, he was glad she hadn't given him more details about it. In his opinion, he would be quite happy for it to stay that way for the rest of his life. More details would only cause more pain.