As I watched every episode of the Loud House so far there are some episodes that aren't really that interesting or too easy to find a simple solution for Lincoln so I won't bother making my own version of them. To name a few are The Sweet Spot(S1E4a) - Lincoln gets to sit on the best seat of Vanzilla while Lily is left behind all alone and suffers a terrible fate, A Tale of Two Tables(S1E4b) - Lincoln proposes the entire family eat at the adult table like they do in recent episodes and Lily chokes when eating solid food, and In Tents Debate(S1E5b) - Lincoln flips a coin and chooses the beach resulting in Lily getting eaten by a shark. If you're wondering, it's not a Lily torture fic. She's just the Kenny McCormick of the family and there will be an in story explanation why she keeps returning.
Get The Message(?)
The episode begins with Lincoln in the living room dancing while wearing virtual reality goggles. Apparently he's playing a pixel graphic game where you fight zombies with breakdancing. How a VR game registers body movement when it's just a pair of goggles I have no idea but let's not dwell on it.
"Take that, zombie!" [twerks] "Feel my twerk, you evil jackass!" [killing zombies; does a pelvic thrust.] "HOO!" Lincoln exclaimed as he breakdances as he ends up going up the stairs and continues in the hallway.(I've had plenty of practice if you know what I mean.)
However, since the only thing he could see is what's being shown while wearing the goggles Lincoln unknowingly entered Lori and Leni's room.
"Lincoln!" Lori yelled angrily seeing him enter still breakdancing.(If she doesn't want her family beside Leni entering without permission, why did she leave the door open?)
"JESUS WITH PORK AND BEANS!" Lincoln screamed seeing Lori's angry face after removing the goggles from his eyes but still kept them on his forehead.
"How many times do I have to tell you?!" Lori asked pointing at the goggles. "Be more aware of your surroundings while playing with those! You'll fall down the stairs or run into something sharp and pointy!" she reprimanded with a haughty but worried tone. "You didn't even notice that you entered my room." Lori finally said before continuing her phone call with Bobby.
"I'm plenty aware." Lincoln said under his breath before placing his goggles back in front of his eyes as he left Lori and Leni's room while breakdancing.(Wow, her reason for being angry was pretty reasonable this time.) Your welcome.
As Lincoln continues playing in the hallway suddenly nature calls making him cross his legs in agitation.
"Shouldn't have drank all that Kool Aid." Lincoln said to himself as he rushes to the bathroom and locking the door. He removes the goggles and places them on the side of the sink before using the toilet.(Just like with canon Lincoln, I didn't need to take them off and should have just placed them on my forehead like earlier. Thanks a lot writers.)
"Golden shower ladies." Lincoln whispered with a smirk before he heard knocking on the bathroom door.
"Almost done!" Lincoln shouted as he hurried finishing his business before unlocking door revealing Lori still on the phone entering the bathroom as he heads to his room.
While in his room Lincoln contemplates why he has VR goggles that play pixel graphic games when he has better games on his consoles and computer laptop.
'Just another ploy to get kids like me to exercise I'm sure.' Lincoln thought before checking his clock seeing that enough time has past as he opened his door and rushed towards the bathroom.
"No running in the hallway!" Lana commanded stopping Lincoln as she and Lola are wearing authority attire.
"What's this all about?" Lincoln wondered(not really).
"Lana, is this maggot giving you lip?" Lola asks as she writes Lincoln up.
"We're the new hall monitors at school, so we're practicing at home." Lana explained as they give Lincoln a ticket for speeding.
"If we catch you speeding again, you're going downtown! We already locked up Luan for telling bad jokes." Lola threatens revealing her and Lana's room to show Luan in a small cardboard jail cell.
"Hey! Did you hear the one about the thief who stole a calendar? He got twelve months! Get it?" Luan laughed at her own joke despite how cramped it is.
"That's five more minutes, dirt bag!" Lola shouted as she waves her fist.(Kind of a lax punishment considering Luan committed more serious crimes some of which they were victims of. Oh well.)
"Okay, okay. I'll walk within the speed limit. I swear." Lincoln vowed not sounding at all convincing.
"NO SWEARING!" Lana shouted completely missing Lincoln real point.
As they leave for their room/office, Lincoln still runs to the bathroom to find that his goggles are now totaled. He also goes downstairs and out the window to see Lori driving away in Vanzilla.
"It's by this point where I shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that Lori did it on purpose and the fact that she should have apologized before heading out to buy me a new pair. The fact that canon Lincoln didn't shows how much of an inexperienced eleven year old he actually is." Lincoln stated addressing the audience/readers before calling Clyde to come over and start his so called revenge plan.
Later on in Lincoln's room, he's explaining what happened to Clyde who had a look of disbelief on his face.
"And that's what happened." Lincoln finished not really looking upset.(It's not like she broke my Switch or anything that expensive.)
"I can't believe it!" Clyde exclaimed in shock as he holds my broken goggles.
"I know. She didn't even say sorry first." Lincoln said as he crossed his arms in a huff.
"No. I can't believe these were touched by Lori's beautiful tootsies..." Clyde clarified as he cradled the broken goggles.(Oh Clyde, my token black best friend, your innocent yet perverted affection for my oldest sister is both endearing and creepy. It's best not to tell him that I already tapped that ass.)
"Focus Clyde! Since Lori likes to spend most of her time on her phone like the typical teenage girl that she is, I'll give her a phone call that she'll never forget." Lincoln said in a mischievous tone.
"What are you gonna say?" Clyde asked hoping that it isn't too hurtful.
Lincoln looks in his drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper to show to Clyde.
"Why 'blank' is the worst sister ever?" Clyde queried wondering if Lincoln thinks all of his sisters have the capacity to wrong him so much.
"I was wondering which of my sisters I'd use this on first. But Lori, you make it so easy." Lincoln said as he dials Lori's number with one of the house's landline phones, the one in Lincoln's room happens to be in the shape of a yellow duck.(Why do I have one in my room in the first place? It's not like Lori wouldn't recognize my voice when checking the caller ID.)
Since I don't have to censor cursing in this fic there's no need for Luna to be part of this episode.
"Bogus dude." Luna said sadly as she walks downstairs. Sorry Luna.
"She's not answering. Her phone must be charging in her room." Lincoln theorized waiting for the voicemail instead.(Even with her phone on low battery it's kind of dangerous for her to leave without taking it with her. Doesn't she have a phone charger that can be used in Vanzilla? Then again it is a very old van so maybe not.)
"Hey, this is Lori. You know what to do." Lori's voicemail message stated before the sounding 'beep'
"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln. There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..." Lincoln started to shout his angry rant. I have no idea what he would actually say specifically but Clyde looks on in despair as his dream girl is getting roasted hard.(Words that I used: Bitch, Slut, Whore among others.)
"AND THAT IS WHY YOU ARE THE WORST SISTER EVER!" Lincoln finishes before hanging up.
"What do you think Clyde?" Lincoln asks his best friend but instead of answering he just fainted in shock.
Lincoln's door opened revealing Lori who has a remorseful look on her face.
"Hey, bro. I just wanna say I'm so sorry I stepped on your gadget. So I went out and bought you a new one. It was surprisingly not that expensive." Lori apologized as she handed Lincoln a new pair of gaming goggles and left for her room while closing Lincoln's door.
"OH NO! WHAT DRAMATIC IRONY!" Clyde shouted getting up which surprisingly only Lincoln heard.
"Good talk." Lincoln replied rolling his eyes.
Lincoln and Clyde are peaking out the door; Lola and Lana are tracking a trail of poop that leads from Lynn and Lucy's room to Luan and Luna's; Lori has locked up her room and entered the security password and leaves.(Shouldn't there be security for the entire house and not just for Lori's obsession with privacy that's rarely brought up in future episodes?)
"Perfect! Lori doesn't have her cell which means it's still in there charging. Our mission is to infiltrate her room and delete the message before she gets back." Lincoln said to Clyde not really bothered by the security password since it's something simple for Leni to remember.
"But Lori's room is off limits." Clyde reminded Lincoln knowing Lana and Lola are on duty and would report Lincoln to Lori if they saw him trying to enter her room.
"I know. That's why I need you to be a lookout for her." Lincoln replied waiting for the right chance since the twins are currently busy with their investigation.
"That's easy. I'm always on the lookout for Lori." Clyde stated with a dreamy look in his eyes.
"Then let's do this!" Lincoln declared as he and Clyde fistbump.
"In position." Clyde relayed through his walkie talkie as he stands at the top of the stairs.
"Roger that." Lincoln acknowledged as he spies on the twins continue treating hall monitor duty like they're actual police officers.
"Damn. If I can't go through, then I'm going over." Lincoln said to himself while putting on a black beanie to cover his white hair as he began Operation Message Deletion.
Lincoln sneaks by while the twins check the sound he ends up making only to see he's not there because he's hiding up on the top of the doorway and tosses a hamster treat that Geo in his hamster ball goes after.
"Hey, fur ball! No speeding!" Lana shouted as she and Lola chase after him allowing Lincoln to sneak into the vent.(Why didn't I just enter the vent from my room?)
"I'm in." Lincoln whispered into his walkie talkie as Clyde check the schematics of the house that he was given.
"Great. Proceed two clicks north, hook a left, and you should be right over the target." Clyde advises finding the fastest route to Lori and Leni's room.
Lincoln makes his way while also keeping his crawling as quiet as possible until he reaches his destination.
"I've got eyes on the package." Lincoln states a he breaks into the room and sees the phone still charging.
"Lincoln! Lori's coming!" Clyde warns seeing Lori walking up the stairs.
"You're going to have to stall her." Lincoln said as he reaches for the phone and types in the number password(It's Bobby's birthday.). He then checks all of the messages and deletes the one he left.
"Roger that..." Clyde happily said as he draws a mustache on his upper lip with a marker and tears off his shirt, revealing a white tux underneath it and acts so suave as Lori approaches.
"Hey, beautiful, you take these stairs often?" Clyde spoke with no bloody nose or robot noises happening.
"I will now handsome." Lori answers as she throws her arms around him and swoons allowing Lincoln to sneak out unseen.(By this point you realize It's just a dramatization of the best case scenario.)
"And that's how we're gonna do it!" Lincoln declared with confidence.
"I love it! Especially the part where I get to talk to Lori." Clyde agreed as he applied his Nana's perfume.(That last part was the only way I could get Clyde to agree with my plan.)
"Here are the blueprints for the vents." Lincoln handed Clyde the house's schematics but it had red stuff on it.
"Are these ketchup stains?" Clyde asked since they're covering parts of the map.
"I like to eat sandwiches with ketchup while I floor plan." Lincoln answered defensively while crossing his arms.
Lincoln then peeks through his door and sees Lori leaving her room and locking it with the security system.
"Quiet. Lori's coming." Lincoln whispered watching Lori head downstairs.
"Okay, let's do this." Lincoln stated starting Operation Message Deletion for real this time.
"I'M IN POSITION!" Clyde shouted in excitement as he stands at the top of the stairs hurting Lincoln's right ear through the walkie talkie.
"Roger that. Calm down by the way." Lincoln said as he puts on a black beanie to cover his white hair.
Lincoln peeks out of his room to see the twins looking over a giggling Lily on all fours with no diaper with Lola writing up a ticket.
"No, I can't let you off with a warning!" Lola shouted as she finishes writing.
"Looks like she needs a reminder that this is a mandatory diaper zone!" Lana declared as she and Lola start beating Lily with their police baton.(Who gives hall monitors police batons? Also, where did they even get them?)
Lincoln sneaks by, but Cliff gets on his hat and starts padding it. Lincoln shoos him off only for the cat's tail to hit his nose and stifles a sneeze with his short sleeve and not Lily's diaper that was near him. The twins stopped beating Lily who's sobbing while covering her head with her arms since they heard the stifled sneezed but saw nothing because Lincoln is hiding up Lynn and Lucy's doorway.(Good thing they never look up.)
'Thank the writer I washed my hands of ketchup after eating or else I would end up slipping.' Lincoln thought keeping a good grip of the doorway with his hands and feet.
The twins see a now bruised Lily crawling away slowly trying to get to the safety her and Lisa's room.
"SHE'S MAKING A LIMP CRAWL FOR IT!" Lana shouted as she and Lola rushed towards Lily and continued beating her with their batons.
"Let's pause the episode for a moment to answer a question you're all wondering." Lincoln spoke to the audience/readers as everything around him froze in place.
"You're all probably asking 'Lincoln, how can Lily be alive when you murdered her in the last episode?'" Lincoln stated looking at the paused scene below him.
"Well it all started with Lori a while back." Lincoln answered with a flashback segue.
Lori was watching TV in the living room when the parents Lynn Sr. and Rita walked in.
"Honey, do you know where Lily is?" Rita asked in a slightly worried tone.
"She wasn't in her room and your siblings said they haven't seen her all day." Lynn Sr. added thinking their first born child would know something.
"The last time I saw her was when I was getting ice cream. I know because I was holding her at the time but afterwards she must have crawled/waddled away." Lori answered trying her best to remember because it was a few hours ago.
"But she's nowhere on the first floor and we already checked upstairs." Rita stated looking even more worried.
"The basement door is closed and Lily can't open it by herself and her head to too big to fit through the pet door so she can't be outside in the backyard so where can she be?" Lynn Sr. wondered thinking that Lily maybe playing Hide and Seek.
"Wait Lori! You said you were holding Lily when getting ice cream. Were you also using your phone at the time?" Rita asked knowing that her eldest daughter can get distracted when talking with her friends especially her boyfriend.
With her mom's question Lori suddenly remembers that she was in fact talking with one of her friends on her phone holding it with her right hand and carrying Lily on her left arm. She recalled that her friend Stacy said something shocking(at least to her) and could not believe it. With Lori distracted she must have unknowingly put Lily in the freezer in order to grab a fudge-sickle with her left hand before closing the freezer door.
"OH MY GOSH!" Lori shouted in panic as she rushed to the refrigerator with her parents following.
When Lori opens the freezer door of the fridge she and her parents were horrified with what they saw. Inside the freezer they found Lily frozen solid with her skin completely blue with small icicles all over her body and a horrified expression on her face complete with wide eyes and an open mouth frown.
"LILY" Lynn Sr., Rita, and Lori screamed but before any of them could grab Lily her body slipped out due to the freezer door being opened and crashed onto the floor shattering into little frozen pieces.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" all three screamed into the heavens as they began weeping while holding up some of the frozen pieces.
"MY BABY!" both Lynn Sr. and Rita cried as they held on to each other.
"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" Lori hysterically repeated trying in vain to put Lily back together.
"Worry not parental units and eldest sibling for I have the solution." the three turned revealing that it was Lisa who spoke and completely calm despite the fact that her only younger sister is in fact dead.
"What do you mean you have the solution?" Rita asked with tears flowing down her face as she cradles her baby's frozen pieces.
"Let's clean up here and I will show you." Lisa answers as Lynn Sr. goes to get a cooler so the four of them can place Lily's remains inside.
Afterwards they head to Lisa's room but seeing Lily's belongings made Lori and her parents tear up again as such they didn't notice the sheet that's covering something big.
"Dry your tears for the solution is my greatest invention yet!" Lisa exclaimed as she removed the sheet covering the machine.
The three oldest members of the Loud Family see that the machine is a manufacturing device complete with a computer console on the side, a headpiece with wires connected to the computer, and a conveyor belt attached to the opening with the opening itself currently closed with a hatch.
"How is this hunk of junk suppose to help?!" Lori asked angrily still reeling in the fact that she killed her baby sister.
"I'll show you." Lisa simply stated as she turned on the machine and typed in some commands on the computer causing the machine to do it's thing most likely creating something inside.
A few minutes passed until the machine stopped and a dinging sound was made indicating that whatever it was making is complete. Once done the hatch opened and the conveyor belt activated transporting what was inside the machine out of it. The object in question turns out to be...
"LILY?!" Lori, Rita, and Lynn Sr. shouted in shock seeing the formally dead baby come out of the machine completely naked with a confused expression.
"Poo-poo?" Lily asks which translates to "How did I get here?".
"LILY!" the three shouted out of relief and happiness this time as they hugged her little body.
"How is this possible?!" Lynn Sr. questioned still shocked at this little miracle.
"It's all thanks to my cloning machine." Lisa said proudly patting her device.
"Wait, cloning machine?! You made a cloning machine!" Rita asked thinking of all the ethical implication such a device can make.
"So this is just a clone of Lily. It's not my baby sister." Lori realized as new tears welled up separating herself form the clone.
"Well yes and no." Lisa stated as she took the new Lily from their parents, putting a diaper on her, and placing her in the crib.
"What do you mean?" Lynn Sr. asked still looking at the Lily clone who's smiling at them without a care.
"While creating my cloning device not only did I extract DNA from Lily which consists of hair, skin, and blood samples I also used this to upload all of Lily's memories what little there are into the computer with plenty of backups." Lisa explained holding up the headpiece with wires that's connected to the computer.
"When was the last time you updated her memories?" Rita asked worried that Lily might not remember all of them.
"This morning before the original Lily even woke up so she didn't miss anything important." Lisa answered not worried since Lily wouldn't really remember much anyway because her infant mind is still underdeveloped.
"Well, I guess that's okay, right?" Lynn Sr. asked though not very sure.
"WHAT?! OF COURSE IT'S NOT OKAY! WE CAN'T JUST REPLACE LILY WITH A CLONE AND PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED!" Lori shouted in anger causing the new Lily to cry in fright.
"I know honey, but... but..." Rita hesitated trying to find a good answer as she picked up and comforted new Lily.
"It's either this or the three of you get arrested for child negligence and accidental infanticide while the rest of us go to a foster home. I even went the extra mile to make it so that any clones made will have a belly button." Lisa stated while adjusting her glasses before she put the cooler to the side happy that she has more of Lily's DNA.
Lori thought for a minute before sighing in defeat.
"Alright, fine! But we tell the whole family(just Lincoln and the other girls) what we all did! Lisa, did you take DNA samples and memory files from the rest of us?" Lori asked wondering if her genius sister put that headpiece on her when she was sleeping.
"Just Lily and myself. Lincoln taught me that it's courteous to ask for people's permission before trying to make them my test subject." Lisa answered while not revealing that she put tracking chips on everyone herself included to monitor where they are and if they're alive or not. Any clone made will also have them in their bodies.
"Why did you make a cloning machine in the first place? I don't think even you could have predicted something like this would happen." Lynn Sr. wondered while scratching his head.
"On the contrary. With a family as large and chaotic as ours it's actually more likely to happen. I'm just surprised the original Lily survived passed her first birthday." Lisa admitted after all this is coming from a girl who keeps listing terrible things that could happen when driving a vehicle.
With all that out of the way the four Louds along with the new Lily who was none the wiser called for a family meeting in the living room to discuss all that transpired. After explaining the events of the original Lily's death and Lisa's cloning machine the remaining Louds had mixed reactions. Leni couldn't comprehend most of it but was glad that Lily still exists. Like Lori Luna, Luan, and Lana were devastated that the real Lily is dead and still having trouble looking at the new Lily not really seeing the clone as their baby sister. Lynn and Lola are ecstatic that they now have a safety net and no longer having to worry about things like serious injuries, fatal conditions, or deadly diseases. Lucy sighed in disappointment since she wanted to be immortal through vampirism and not cloning. Finally Lincoln didn't seem to care at all since he knows he's the main character and will never die.
"Now that you're all up to speed with everything. I insist that you all give me DNA samples and take regular memory updates. I'm pretty sure the only death we can agree on is that of old age." Lisa advised giving each of her siblings and parents three color coded hard drives with their names on them. One for them to keep, another that will be kept near the cloning machine that will be moved to her bunker, and the third will be kept in the family safe. There's also the hard drive of the cloning machine's computer itself.
"Also, unless anyone of us dies no one is to use the cloning machine. We don't want multiple clones of us running around. Lastly, if we all die at the same time like in a car accident the machine will detect it and clone us automatically." Lisa said as she led her family upstairs to teach them how to use the machine.
"And that's what happened. We all decided to keep it a secret even though I made it so that nobody would care. The cloning machine itself is never really used at all except for one member of the family. You know whom I'm referring to." Lincoln explained with a smile as he recalls fond memories even though he wasn't actually there for most of them.
With Leni
Leni was in the living room playing with Lily tossing her up in the air with both of them having fun and laughing.
"Upsy-Daisy!" Leni cheerfully said tossing Lily into the air and catching her.
"A'ain!" Lily exclaimed while giggling.
"Upsy-Daisy!" Leni once again tossed Lily up before catching her.
"A'ain! A'ain!" Lily exclaimed clapping her hands and getting more excited.
"Alight Lily! UPSY-DAISY!" Leni shouted but not knowing her own strength tossed Lily too hard and fast making Lily's head crashed through the ceiling.
Leni was shocked seeing Lily's head stuck in the ceiling as the baby hung there not moving or crying at all with blood from the top of her head started flowing down the body before dripping to the floor.
"Oopsie-Daisy." Leni said with a forced smile before she went to inform Lisa since Leni is the only one who doesn't understand how to use the cloning machine.
With Luna
Luna and Lily are in the garage with Luna about to have another jam session.
"Hear you go Love. Listen and tell me how good my jam session is." Luna said in her British accent as she put headphones on Lily and plugging it in her amp before plugging in her electric guitar as well.
"Poo-Poo." Lily giggled which means she's happy that she's gets to hear Luna's music.
Since Luna likes to crank the volume up way more than needed she went passed ten to eleven then twelve then thirteen and with difficulty set it to 'ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!'
"LET'S ROCK N ROLL!" Luna shouted as she used her guitar pick to string the first note.
However, the sound and vibrations of the first note was so loud and intense it actually made Lily's head explode covering the garage with blood, grey matter, her two eyes, and one baby tooth.
"Great! Now I have to clean this up!" Luna exclaimed in exasperation as she went to make another Lily before getting some cleaning supplies.
With Luan
It's been an hour since Luan was using Lily as an audience for her stand up routine in her and Luna's room. The room was dark with only the spotlight on Luan so she couldn't see Lily.
"And that's the way the cookie crumbles! Thank you! Thank you! You've been a good audience!" Luan thanked practicing as though an actual audience would find her puns funny.
When Luan turns the lights back on she sees Lily on the floor dead with a knife puncturing her belly and her little pudgy hands on the handle indicating that she killed herself with it.
"Why does she keep doing that?!" Luan wondered incredibly confused on why Lily keeps committing suicide on her and where she keeps getting knives.
"Oh well, it's not like she gets the point." Luan laughed at her own pun before going to get another Lily for her next routine.
With Lynn
Lynn and Lily are in the backyard about the play baseball.
"You ready Lily?" Lynn asked far enough away from her baby sister with a baseball in one hand and a bat in the other while wearing a baseball helmet.
Lily was too busy gnawing at the baseball glove in her hands to answer while also wearing a baseball helmet that was too big for her.
"Then let's play ball!" Lynn shouted as she tossed the baseball in the air and as it came down she swung the bat as hard as she can hitting it.
The baseball sped towards Lily and before she could even react it crashed right into her face. Lily fell down on her back with her face caved in her head and the ball still on it.
"Whoa! Shit!" Lynn yelled out panicking as she rush towards Lily to check her pulse.
Lynn sighed in disappointment when she found none before removing the baseball to look at the damage.
"Gross!" Lynn said in disgust before putting the ball back on and went to go clone a new Lily.
With Lucy
In the attic Lucy has a tied up Lily in the center of a diagram written in chalk surrounded by ritualistic symbols and candles.
"WAAAAAHHHHH!" Lily cried both scared and the fact that she can't move.
"I call forth the Emissary From The Beyond! I offer you this sacrifice so you may grant my wish!" Lucy chanted with the diagram and symbols lighting up signaling that the summoning worked as smoke filled the attic.
When the smoke cleared a new figure appeared before Lucy. It had the face of a squid along with red eyes, green skin, dark robe, gnarled staff.
'What is thy wish?' the Emissary spoke in Lucy's mind which caused her to shiver.
"I wish to become a vampire." Lucy replied rather meekly.
'That wish I cannot grant. For only a vampire can turn one into a vampire.' the Emissary stated that there things that even it cannot do.
"Sigh, then I wish I can move through shadows and darkness." Lucy stated using her second option.
'Thy wish shall be granted. Where is the sacrifice?" the Emissary asked to finalize the deal.
"Right there." Lucy answered pointing to Lily who was shaking and crying with terror.
The Emissary went to check over Lily but sensed that there's something different about her.
'This infant is not of natural birth.' the Emissary said looking at Lucy who gulped.
"This Lily is a clone. The original has already passed on." Lucy answered truthfully as she started to sweat nervously.
'I will still take this infant's life but just so you know, you cannot sacrifice the same life again.' the Emissary said telling Lucy that she can't clone spam.
"I understand." Lucy said as she extended her hand.
The Emissary grasped Lucy's hand indicating that the deal is made before it stood over Lily and started to drain the life out of her with it's staff.
With one final gasp Lily's dies with her corpse looking paler since her life was literally taken.
'So this one shares a similar fate to the orange one.' the Emissary thought to itself before disappearing in a puff of smoke.
With Lucy's new found power she sinks into the shadows of the attic and comes out of the shadows in Lisa's bunker to clone another Lily.
With Lana and Lola
It's winter with Lana, Lola, and Lily wearing their winter clothes at the park on top of a large snowy hill.
"You ready Lola?!" Lana asked her sister in excitement as she readies the sled they brought.
"Sure am! What about our fourth passenger?" Lola asked sitting on the sled with Lily at the front giggling.
"She's ready as she'll ever be!" Lana replied placing a stack of cemented brinks to act as a heavy set kid at the back of the sled to make it go faster.
"Then let's go down already!" Lola exclaimed as Lana seated behind her.
"1...2...3...GO!" Lana shouted as she and Lola pushed forward until they can let gravity take over.
They're having the time of their lives as they go down hill especially since they're going really fast thanks to the added weight.
"This is awesome!" Lana shouted in excitement as the only thing that would make this better would be bugs flying into her mouth.
"Why didn't we think of this before?!" Lola wondered since the fourth person with them is usually Lincoln.
"Yay!" Lily happily exclaimed feeling the cold air on her face.
But the joy was soon replaced with worry as Lola the controller started to lose control.
"Lola, keep this thing steady!" Lana yelled nervously at her twin.
"I can't!" Lola replied equally distressed as the sled kept turning left and right.
"Poo-poo!" Lily pointed in front of them as twins saw that they're headed towards a rock.
"Holy Cow! Quick bail!" Lana warned as she and Lola jumped out of the sled rolling in the snow before eventually stopping.
With no quick reflexes Lily wasn't able to leave the sled before it hit the rock tossing her through the air.
"WAAAAHHHH!" Lily screamed as she and the brick model were flung off the sled and began falling forward.
Her falling stopped when she slams into a tree and sticks making her cry louder as her face and front part of her body were in extreme pain. However her crying came to a halt when the brick model slams into her crushing her between it and the tree killing her.
"Oh my gosh, we murdered Lily." Lana stated calmly as she looked up to see what happened.
"We murdered Lily?" Lola asked as she calmly got up.
"We murdered Lily. We're assholes." Lana replied as she and Lola nonchalantly went back home to clone another Lily.
With Lisa
Lisa and Lily are in their room with Lisa doing another one of her experiments.
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Lisa laughs evilly as she has Lily strapped on top of her drawer with a belt and is wearing a headpiece with light bulbs on it along with two antennae that's allowing electricity flowing between them connected with wires to a machine with a big switch on top as seen in Changing the Baby(S1E8b).
"Poo-Poo?" Lily coos innocently with a smile wondering what's going on.
With the power at a sufficient level Lisa reaches for the switch and unlike in the actual episode no one is there to stop her. Lisa throws the switch and then...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lily screamed at the top of her little lungs as thousand volts of electricity coursed through her little body.
"Very interesting." Lisa said as she jolted down notes on her notepad not bothered by the screaming.
After a full two minute Lisa threw the switch again to turn it off a she observed the now blackened corpse of Lily.
"She stopped screaming during the minute thirty second mark. She didn't last as long as I thought she would. Oh well, back to the drawing board." Lisa said with a smile as she went to retrieve the next Lily for another obviously dangerous experiment.
With Lynn Sr. and Rita
Lily is in the living room playing with her toys which include her blocks, Bun Bun, and plastic animals as Lynn Sr. and Rita walk downstairs wearing their bowling shirts and carrying their bowling balls in their bags.
"Ready for a fun couples night Honey?" Rita asked hugging her husband's arm romantically.
"You bet dear. Can't wait to show you my special sure to strike roll technique." Lynn Sr. answered as he took out his bowling ball from his bag.
"Oh really, care to give me a preview." Rita stated humoring Lynn Sr. since in truth he's not a very good bowler.
"Alright first you lift your leg up behind you. Next spin around for about one second. Stop. Double take three times. One. Two. Three. Then pelvic thrust to your left, then back to your right. Stop on your right foot 'Don't forget it!'. Then you gotta "Bring it around town" by spinning your torso in a circle around the air." Lynn Sr. listed as each step gets more and more ridiculous.
"Afterwards jump around for six seconds." Lynn Sr. continued although his jumping around looks more like he's spazzing out.
"And finally roll." he finished as he pretend rolls his bowling ball.
However as he does his pretend roll the bowling ball slips out of his hands accidentally throwing it. Lily who was looking down while playing with her toys sees a shadow getting bigger around her. Instinctively she looks up to see the bowling ball coming down towards her but like before did not have the reflexes to move away so with a wide eyed open mouth expression of shock watched as the bowling ball crashed down on her head making it look like a play dough model got crushed.
"Oopsie-Daisy." Lynn Sr. with a forced smile as he looked nervously at his wife.
"Way to go champ." Rita sarcastically said as she went to go clean up the corpse and later make another clone of Lily.
With Lincoln
Lincoln was in his room reading a comic book while wearing an orange t-shirt and blue shorts.(Why would I go around the house in my underwear especially around my sisters? It's as though the writers had to think up an annoying habit for me to have just so Undie Pressure(S1E7b) could happen.)
Since his door was slightly opened it allowed Lily to fully open it as she waddled inside.
"Inkin!" Lily exclaimed trying to say his name wanting to play with him.
Without looking away from his comic book Lincoln pulled out a Colt Single Action Army revolver out of nowhere and points it at Lily.
'BANG!' the gun fires with the bullet hitting Lily in the chest as she falls down in a bloody heap dead.
"Now where was I?" Lincoln wondered nonchalantly as he turned the next page of his comic book.
"Those examples aren't even half the amount of times the Lily clones have died since the original's death. Eventually the rest of my family stopped caring about Lily's well being and sees her like a light bulb. After the bulb shorts out just replace it with a new one." Lincoln stated saying the best analogy he could think of.
"Well that's enough explaining for today. I should get the episodes rolling again." Lincoln said as he unpaused everything allowing time to flow normally.
With Lana and Lola busy beating Lily with their batons Lincoln uses this opportunity to sneak into the vent.(Again, why didn't I go in the vent from my room?)
"Clyde, I'm in." Lincoln spoke through his walkie talkie as he turns to see Lucy in the vent as well.
"Hey, Lincoln." Lucy greeted with pen and notebook in hand.
"Hey, Lucy. What are you doing in here?" Lincoln asked knowing his goth sister likes dark places.
"I come here to think. I actually just wrote a new poem called "Ventilate".
Inside the wall
I choose to be alone
If I ever get stuck
Please listen for my moan.
"Nice poem Lucy" Lincoln chuckles.(It's not like she could get stuck in dark places.) "Clyde, tell me how to get to Lori's room." he spoke returning to the task at hand.
"Go three clicks, and a right. Or was it three rights and a click? Wait. What's a click?" Clyde relayed only speaking what he heard on TV.
"Never mind. I think I'm here." Lincoln said as he crawls around seeing an opening but accidentally falls through the vent hatch and slips.
Thankfully Lucy catches Lincoln before he fall on the bathroom floor.
"Hey, Lincoln." Lucy greeted again holding Lincoln by his left leg.
"Phew. Thanks, Luce." Lincoln appreciated while hanging upside down.
Since Lincoln's walkie talkie fell in the toilet he failed to notice the other contents that escaped his pockets that are on the bathroom floor.
"Lincoln! Everything okay?" Clyde asked through the walkie talkie.
Lincoln with Lucy's help swings in order to get the walkie talkie out of the toilet.
"Yeah, Clyde." Lincoln replied annoyed that he's holding something contaminated with toilet water.
"Everything's perfect." he sarcastically said as Lucy pulls him back up into the vent.
With more vent excavation Lincoln finally reaches Lori and Leni's room.
"I've got eyes on the package." Lincoln relayed seeing Lori's cellphone while peeking through the vent hatch.
"Package? What about Lori's phone?" Clyde asked in confusion.
Lincoln didn't answer and instead facepalms.(When did Clyde turn into Leni?)
He then opens the hatch and goes down using a red rope. However, the red rope begins to break.
"Clyde, what kind of rope is this?" Lincoln queried since his hands feel kind of sticky.
"Cherry licorice rope." Clyde answered while eating some he still has.
The licorice rope breaks causing Lincoln to fall down with a loud thud. This gets Lori's attention from the first floor as she heads up to check it out.
"Lincoln! Lori's coming!" Clyde frantically warns. "Don't worry, I'll stall her." he assures in a suave tone as he draws a mustache on his upper lip and rips off his shirt to reveal nothing. He then approaches Lori who just reached the top.
"What?" Lori said confused at seeing the shirtless Clyde with a fake mustache.
However, Clyde couldn't say anything because he was stunned by her beauty and instead gets a nosebleed and faints.
"Ugh! Gross!" Lori yelled in disgust as she rushes to her room.
Lincoln is just about to delete the message when he hears Lori just about to come in. Lori enters and looks around with an displeased look on her face but doesn't see Lincoln since he's hiding under her bed. She kicks off her shoes right under the bed as they land right in front of Lincoln's face.
"Ugh!" Lincoln gasped in disgust but quickly shut his mouth with his hands.
Lori hearing the gasp looks suspiciously under her bed.
"So, this is where all my shoes are." Lori said happily seeing multiple pairs of shoes she thought she lost.
Lincoln who escaped from her line of sight and is hiding behind a window curtain tries to reach for the phone but Walt the Canary perches on top of it and bites(Yes, bites. Not pecks.) his finger making him hold his yelp of pain before flying away.(Where did he even come from?)
"Finally." Lori said in relief hearing her phone fully charged.
Lori not seeing Lincoln behind the curtain even though it's pretty obvious removes her phone from the charger to check any missed calls and messages.
"Ooh! New messages! I'm so loved!" Lori happily said as she leaves the room with her phone to heads back downstairs.
"Mission is compromised! The package is on the move? Clyde?" Lincoln panicked to his walkie talkie.
"Clyde! Do you read me?!" Clyde who has tissues up his nose to stop the bleeding was about to reply but sees Lori listening to her messages.
"Hey, babe. It's Bobby. Do you think we'll always be together?" the first message from Bobby.
"Aww! Totes saving that one!" Lori spoke going to do just that.
Clyde faints again.
"Hey, babe. It's Bobby again. Should our couple name be Bori or Lobby?"(Thank goodness Bobby leaves a shit ton of messages.)
"Saved." Lori said as she reaches the first floor.
Lincoln burst out of the room to stop Lori but since he's running he's stopped by the twins.
"We warned you, dirt bag!" Lola reminded with her and Lana blocking the stairs.
"It's the clink for Linc!" Lana said pointing at him.
"Look! Luan's making a jailbreak!" Lincoln shouted pointing over them.
The twins turn around and Lincoln makes a break for it downstairs.
"Hey!" Lana exclaimed angry at that fake out.
"Oh, forget that bum. He's out of our jurisdiction now." Lola assured stopping Lana from following Lincoln.
"Yeah. Let's get doughnuts and beat up Lily some more." Lana agreed as she and Lola head out for a doughnut break before abusing their hall monitor duty some more.
Lincoln reaches the first floor and see Lori on the couch about to listen to his message.
"Hey, Lori. It's your dear brother, Lincoln." the message starts.
"Lori! Wait!" Lincoln shouted in slow motion while doing a dramatic pose.
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you. You are..." However, Lori deletes it before the angry rant can begin and looks at Lincoln.
"Ugh! Delete! Lincoln, there are two rules in this house: Don't enter my room without permission, and never call my phone outside of an emergency! My voicemail is full enough without useless messages from you!" Lori reprimanded in an annoyed tone.
"Gee, I'm sorry." Lincoln sarcastically said but inside he's relieved.
"But, I'm gonna let it slide this time 'cause you were so mature when I broke your gadget." Lori said as her attention went back to her phone.
"Yeah, right. That's me. Mr. Mature." Lincoln said as he sheepishly chuckles.
Lori's phone then rings and she answers revealing that it's Bobby.
"Bobby. Only 12 messages today? I thought you cared about me." Lori said as she walks upstairs to use the bathroom.
"Sigh, Just like in the actual episode I didn't need to do anything." Lincoln said looking tired as he sits on the couch.
"At the very least I don't have to worry about Lori finding my worst sister letter. It's not like I put my name on it or anything." Lincoln spoke to the audience/readers with a mischievous smile.
Lori in the bathroom is using the mirror to help pluck out some nose hairs as she talks to Bobby.
"If you want our couple name to be Lobby, you're going to have to show a little-" Lori talks through the phone until she notices something on the floor.
"What's this?" Lori wonders as she picks up the paper and reads the Why 'Lori' is the worst sister ever? letter.
"Bobby, I gotta go. I'M ABOUT TO TURN MY BABY SISTER INTO A HUMAN PRETZEL!" Lori started screaming enraged revealing that Lily's name is on it and thinks she wrote it.('wink')
Lincoln reaches the second floor and sees Lori exit the bathroom and runs towards Lily who is being detained by Lana and Lola.
"WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA-" Lori didn't finish her since as she takes Lily from the twins and proceeds to literally turn her into a human pretzel.
The following noises heard throughout the house are a mix of painful screaming, bones breaking, and bodily twisting. After a few minutes all those noises stop as everyone currently in the household looked to see the end result.
"Oh my gosh! You murdered Lily!" Lana shouted in shock taking off her sunglasses to see better.
"You asshole! But I got to admit you do have fine craftsmanship." Lola said nodding in approval.
In Lori's grasp is the twisted and mangled body of Lily who's in the shape of a bow people usually see pretzels as.
"Wow! What a twist!" Luan laughed still in the cardboard jail in the twins room.
"Nice. A new macabre visual for my poems." Lucy said inspired as she writes in her notebook from the vent opening in the hallway.
"This'll teach the next Lily not to insult me like that." Lori said satisfied as she casually throws the pretzel shaped corpse to the side and walks back into her room passing a still unconscious Clyde on the way.
"Well it's time for me to book end this episode dancing while the song Can't Touch This! plays!" Lincoln exclaims as he puts on his new gaming goggles and dances just like MC Hammer.
This chapter took longer than expected considering what I added. By the way don't expect regular updates.
Lily's death(not in flashback): Body bent and twisted into an unnatural shape breaking bones and damaging organs.