AN: This is my favourite chapter. I think the first scene was the most fun I've ever had writing something. My new OTP is Drunk Narcissa/Teenage Severus. Is there a community I can join, or?
Also, I don't think it's a thing in the US, so for those who don't know, Snakebite is a common UK drink (half cider, half lager) it is typically served with a dash of blackcurrant cordial, which is known as Snakebite and Black.
Okay, have fun, love you all, byeee!
12. Snakebite
January 1978
S.
The girl with ice-white hair, and skin just as cold, lifted the sleeve of her robe and whispered into the thick frizz of black hair of the girl next to her. It wasn't truly fair to call them girls. They were women. Older than he, anyway, at just turned eighteen. But the way in which they giggled and whispered made them appear far younger; like school girls. The blonde wrapped a lock of hair around her finger as she flirted with the barman who dropped another free shot in front of her.
Yes, definitely older, but probably by only a few years.
The scrawny black-haired one was the eldest, he could tell, because her eyes were sunken into her skull and she dominated the smaller, younger one. He assumed that they were related because they shared the same haughty beauty. Perhaps cousins?
"Sissy", said the dark-haired witch, and the fair witch turned to face.
Sisters then?
"Sissy, I know he says his blood is pure, but I don't know that I believe him. We can't even be certain he's half. What sort of a family name is 'Rogers'? That's a muggle name if ever I heard one. Ending the relationship was the right call."
"It wasn't just that", the fair witch said. "He was quite scary, truth be told."
"Then it is a good job that you are well-protected", her sister said with a greedy little grin. "No harm will come to you now."
Severus moved towards the bar so that he could make his order, and of course, hear them better. He'd never been much of a drinker, so he didn't know what to order to impress them. He browsed the menu and settled on something called a 'Snakebite'; half cider, half lager. Half and half. Like him.
"You know that's better with black", the fair witch said, turning away from her conversation to engage him.
Her lips curved into a coy smile and the dark-haired witch cackled beside her. Suddenly she was not so pretty. In fact, she made him feel uneasy. He knew by instinct that this was a dangerous witch. The blonde was less stern in the face, and so he turned his question to her.
"What's so funny?" Snape asked.
"Black", she said with a wink. "It's our family name."
Black?
Severus felt bile rise in the back of his throat. He couldn't disguise the disdain in his voice.
"Black as in... Sirius Black?"
"Our cousin", the blonde said bitterly.
"Blood traitor!" the black-haired witch barked.
"So you don't like him?" Snape asked, and felt the twitch of a smile in the corner of his lips.
"He is dead to us", the elder said. "And you? Is he a friend of yours?"
"Pah! Not in the slightest. I despise him."
The blonde placed her hand in front of Severus as he pulled his wallet from his pocket. She clicked her fingers at the barman.
"Give him a splash of black", she said, and then turned to face Snape. "I'll get this."
Her hand graced the back of his and he felt the involuntary tingle in his fingers, and the chill down his spine. She was pretty; really quite beautiful. Not like her sister. Not like Lily, either. Lily was soft and warm; fragile too, like her namesake. This woman, however, was all sharp edges, as though delicately, beautifully carved from marble by a master sculptor.
"Snakebite and black", the barman said, dropping it in front of Severus with a thud. "Anything for you ladies?"
The dark-haired witch raised her hand to pass up the offer and stood up, taking her cloak from the stool and draping it over one arm.
"No", she said. "We'll be going."
The fair witch looked at Severus, and he smiled at her, hoping that she might stay. She looked back at her sister, who tapped her foot impatiently.
Say something.
"You could, err... always stay and join me", Severus said, with a jolt of courage that could only have come from his pants. "I'd like the company."
The fair-haired witch nodded, much to the irritation of her sister.
"Fine", the dark-haired witch said, with a snip to her voice. "What's your blood status?"
"Excuse me?"
Not 'what is your name?' No 'where are you from?'. No. Blood status. It's always the fucking same with pure bloods.
"What is your blood status?" the witch said again, more slowly, as though she was speaking with someone a lot less capable than he.
The fair-haired witch, whose name he still did not know, looked uncomfortable beside her, but she did not challenge her sister. He considered lying; he knew what she wanted to hear.
"Half blood", he said, choosing honesty. "My father was a muggle, and a piece of shit to boot."
The dark-haired witch sneered, but she seemed to appreciate that he had no love for his father.
"And your mother?" the witch asked.
"Pure. She's a Prince."
The dark-haired witch raised an eyebrow and turned to the sister.
"Another blood traitor? But yes, I've heard of the Princes. They're not entirely pure. Definitely a couple of rotten apples on their family tree, but... almost pure. Alright Cissy, you could do worse. He's better than the last one, anyway."
Wait. What's happening?
Colour rushed to the fair-haired witch's cheeks, and it warmed her undertones. She was really very pretty. The dark-haired witch moved away from the bar, and with a ring of the bell above the door, she exited. Severus let out a breath of relief, and the fair witch caught it, mirrored it, and laughed.
What a pretty sound.
"So..." she said, as though she was waiting for him to open a conversation.
I've never opened a conversation in my life. Well, not since...
"Tell me your name", Snape said, surprising himself with how calm he sounded. "It can't be 'Sissy', can it?"
Neither did he sound pathetic and needy, which seemed to be his default setting of late. Ever since Lily had started going out with Potter.
She swore she didn't like him, but I knew it, didn't I?
And he was Head Boy! James bloody Potter was Head fucking Boy. What was the world coming to?
I can't believe Dumbledore put that arrogant piss in a position of power.
"Narcissa", she said. "'Cissy' is a nickname."
Not 'Sissy' then. 'Cissy'.
Snape cocked his head.
"So I should call you 'Cissy'?" he said, with a smug tone in his voice, that pleased him.
It seemed to please her too.
"Try it", she said raised her eyebrows playfully.
Is she flirting with me?
"Severus Snape", he said, extending his hand to shake hers.
He hoped that it seemed perfectly natural, and not like an embarrassing attempt to establish touch with a pretty girl. She grinned at him as she took his hand.
"Yes, you are! I knew I'd seen you somewhere. I was a few years above you at school. You were the Potions whiz, right?"
He groaned.
Oh God. That fucking award ceremony.
"That was me", he said between gritted teeth.
She laughed again and its lilt flittered around him like a moth drawn to his light.
"Well, you seem much different now", she said.
I do?
"How so?"
"Well you just seem..." she said, dropping her hand to the bar, so it lay flat on it.
He wondered for a moment if she wanted him to take it.
Too soon. Play it cool.
"... You seem less..."
She grimaced and he decided to laugh at himself for once.
"You can say it. I was a dorky little shit."
"Well yes", she said and she took her pretty hand and ran it across his arm.
He felt his muscles flex and hoped that she didn't notice.
"But you seem much cooler now", she said.
Nobody has ever called me 'cool' in my life.
"And far more handsome than I recall."
Handsome? Come off it! How much have you had to drink?
"So, Severus..." she baulked then, and followed with another lilt of laughter. "I'm sorry. That's such a mouthful. Can I call you 'Sev'?"
His body tensed and his arms stiffened. She felt it, and pulled away.
Only Lily calls me 'Sev'. Called me 'Sev'. Past tense.
"No", he said with a sharp tongue that he had not intended. "I'm sorry. I just... it reminds me..."
No. She thinks you're cool. Be cool. Don't fuck this up.
Narcissa threw her hair off her shoulder and met his gaze.
"What's her name?" she asked.
"Lily", he said, before he even thought not to. "How did you know?"
She ran her hand across his arm and squeezed him gently.
"I recognise heartache. I have much of my own."
He opted to change the subject, not willing to disclose the cause of his own broken heart, but being oddly drawn to asking questions about hers.
No. Be cool.
He found himself staring at her hands - snow white and delicate, like she'd never once lifted a finger, in comparison to his, rough and calloused. He took her hand then, as though it was completely normal to do so. Like they'd done it a thousand times. He stroked her palms, and then traced the veins in her wrist to her forearm. The little tail of a tattoo poked out from under her sleeve.
The dark mark?
"Narcissa, is that...?"
She pulled her hand away, but she did not snatch, and as she tugged down her sleeve, she rested her hand on his thigh.
Talk about changing the subject.
"If I can't call you 'Sev'..." she said, "what shall I call you?"
"Is there something wrong with 'Severus'?" he asked.
Nobody else seemed to have a problem with his name. Except of course his muggle father who griped about it on a weekly basis. He hated the name; saying it was complicated and ridiculous. Although he wasn't entirely wrong, nothing much seemed to please his father. So it was no surprise to Severus that his displeasure didn't end with his name. Nor did it seem to end with him.
"You said your mother's name was Prince?"
"Yes".
Narcissa furrowed her brow as she concentrated, and then her entire face changed. Full of light and happiness, and a little crust and audacity that warmed his cold and rusted coils.
"I've got it!"
"Oh have you?" he asked.
She nodded, and her cheeks flushed pink again. He'd never seen a woman so incapable of keeping her thoughts to herself.
I'll have to teach her how to occlude.
She grinned at him then, and he felt his heartbeat pulse in his fingers.
"You're a Half Blood Prince", she said, and her eyes narrowed as though she suddenly spoke with all seriousness. "Yes. My Half Blood Prince."
Yours?
"You said Severus was a mouthful", he said, with a deliberately detached passivity.
She moved in towards him and spoke into his ear.
"I'll bet you're more than a mouthful, Severus."
Yep. She's hammered.
January 1979
S.
Narcissa moved into the room with delicate grace, but her face was harsh with worried lines.
"You went to see Lily", she said.
It wasn't a question, but she wasn't angry. She had her faults of course, but she was understanding where others would have judged him.
"Yes", he said. "I tried to warn her."
She shook her head and took her seat beside him.
"You can't do that. If the Dark Lord finds out that you're relaying information to the Potters, he'll kill you. He won't hesitate. You know that."
"Not 'The Potters', just her."
Just Lily. Always Lily.
Severus placed his hand on Narcissa's knee and she placed hers on top.
"Please be careful. I am scared for you."
"I know", he said. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to warn her that he would come to her. When he came to me... I didn't think that it would be so... I know that she would never accept, but I wanted her to have time to prepare."
"He wants them on his side? He won't stop until he gets them, you know?"
'His' side. Not 'our' side.
Severus nodded.
"Or..." he grimaced, "he'll kill them."
Narcissa kissed Severus on the cheek, and stood to her feet, holding her hands out to pull him to full height.
"Let's not worry too much about that."
"I can't help but worry. This isn't... I thought this was what I wanted."
Narcissa stroked the dark mark on Severus' arm and met his eyes. She understood. She had followed her sister down the dark path, believing that it would bring her glory and fulfilment. She believed that she was doing right by her family and her blood. She hadn't known any different. It was the Black way. Those who defied the Dark Lord were pruned from the family tree. It was the first time she had been forced to cast an unforgivable curse on a teenage boy that she had realised that although she had walked willingly into the flames, she was now bound to the pyre, with no way of escape.
Severus had been so sure that the mark would free him of his self-consciousness. It was such an honour to be named one of his most faithful. It was impressive, and he thought that it would make him impressive. In reality, the things that were asked of him would impress no-one. They were acts of violence against the innocent and the vulnerable. He would not kill; he would never use 'Avada Kedavra' except in matters of self-defence. He would not strike someone with a spell they could not defend themselves against. He had made that clear.
The Dark Lord had accepted this position, but he was more interested in the spells that Severus created himself, anyway. He particularly enjoyed Sectumsempra. Severus had been ordered to follow the Dark Lord to the houses of those he planned to recruit. Severus would then be expected to perform the spell on one of the muggle prisoners that were always dragged with them to these meetings. It almost always worked. Nobody wanted to defy The Dark Lord after they had seen the damage his henchman could do. Severus would heal the muggles afterwards, uttering the countercurse as an apology. He would then alter their memories. He was only expected to remove the memory so that they were more compliant next time, but he would plant a new one, a lovely one, by way of atonement.
"We have each other", Narcissa said, as she placed her head on Severus' shoulder. "That is more than many people have. We should count ourselves lucky."
"Perhaps."
Narcissa's bottom lip protruded, and Severus rolled his eyes. He'd said the wrong thing, again. He was always saying the wrong thing.
"Can't we just be grateful?" she said. "Do you have to be so miserable all the time?"
"Yes", he sniped. "It is the life we have chosen for ourselves."
January 1980
S.
"Are you sure you want to marry him?"
Snape watched as Narcissa adjusted the white tulle of her dress, and smoothed it with her palms across the protruding bump of her stomach.
"It's a little late, isn't it?" she asked, and her pretty laugh was music to his ears.
She's happy.
"Not yet. Say the word and we'll run away together."
He raised his eyebrows and then winked at her, and Narcissa put her arms around his neck. He breathed in the familiar scent of her hair and tried to accept that this would be the last time.
"I'm so glad you came, Severus. I couldn't do it without your support."
I'm not the Prince any more. Just Severus.
"You wrote me a hundred times, how could I deny you?"
She laughed again and he tried to catch hold of the sound so that he could commit it to memory. He never wanted to forget what it sounded like. As he pulled away from the hug, he became aware of the child that sat between them and found himself staring at her stomach.
"Is it weird for you?" Narcissa asked.
He nodded, unsure exactly what to say.
Lighten the mood.
"Do you reckon he'll be born with a pretentious, little ponytail?"
Narcissa's face was alight with her laughter.
Keep making her laugh. Never forget it.
"Make sure you give him a blue bow so that everyone knows he is a boy."
She laughed again. He was warm with the sound of it.
"I still can't believe you left me for that pompous bastard!"
The smile faded, and there was a trace of unease on her face. He was ashamed to know he'd put it there.
You've gone too far.
"I'm sorry", he said. "I'm kidding. I like Lucius, you know that I do."
She nodded, and they were both grateful for the distracting sound of the music playing in the grounds below Malfoy Manor. This would soon be her home. She would be a Malfoy.
"So," she said, gesturing to her dress. "What do you think?"
"You look beautiful, Treasure. You always do."
She placed her hand on his cheek and then replaced it with a kiss. He closed his eyes and surrendered to how it felt to be loved by someone.
Will I ever be loved again? Twice this has happened. Twice you have driven your love into someone else's arms.
"I should head out. I'll see you down there. And remember, if you change your mind, I can have a getaway car here in ten minutes. I know a guy."
"A car, Severus?" she said, with a smile. "Be careful, Prince, your half-blood is showing."
She ran her fingers through his hair and he tilted his head, hoping that she might take it into her hands and kiss him as she had on their first night together. It had been so long since then, and so much had happened. He had two options. He could walk away and leave her to her life with Malfoy and get on with his own without her, as he had with Lily. Or he could learn from his mistakes and he could embrace a friendship with the only woman who had ever accepted him exactly as he was.
He hadn't lied before. He really did like Lucius. He was his friend before he was Narcissa's. He had introduced them, knowing that they'd get on like a house on fire. He hadn't quite anticipated how tall the flames would grow, or that he would get burned. Still, if she was happy, and she did seem it, then who was he to object? They had not loved each other as she loved Malfoy, or he had loved Lily. They were not each other's great love, but they were a safe and happy love. She had now found her great love. Who would he be if he stood in between their happiness?
Do I want to end two valuable friendships - my only valuable friendships - because of bitterness and jealousy? Do I want to be alone simply because I cannot be with her? Perhaps I should wait for my great love?
As Snape sat and watched the couple exchange their vows, he pushed the nausea to the pit of his stomach and roared his cheer louder than anyone else in the grounds.
I don't want to settle any more. Even if I have to wait twenty years. Maybe Lily will leave precious Potter and return to me? Or maybe... maybe there is a greater love in store for me one day? My life is wide open. I can do anything I want.
January 1981
S.
Severus stepped into the Lestrange's dining hall and stooped, nodding his head, in greeting. He would not bow. Tonight they would meet each other on more level footing. His master was becoming fast becoming his nightmare.
"What news do you have for me, Severus? It had better be good."
"My Lord", Snape said. "I am afraid I cannot call it 'good news'."
Lord Voldemort nodded, and bid Severus to take a seat at the table. Voldemort sat at the head, as he always did, even here in somebody else's home, and Severus took his own seat a few chairs down. He ran his finger across the arm of the chair and rubbed off the dust.
"What do you have, then?" Voldemort asked. "Tell me what you know. I have little patience."
"The prophecy, My Lord. You recall that I was removed before I heard it in its entirety? Well, there is... I have heard..."
"Do not make me suffer through your hesitation, Severus", Voldemort said, eyeing him darkly. "Tell me what it is you came here to say, or I will take a look inside your head, myself."
Snape swallowed.
So much for level footing.
"I have heard talk that there is more to the prophecy, My Lord. Something I did not hear before. Perhaps it would be wise to call off your hunt for the Potters until we know more?"
"Do not presume to tell me what to do, Severus" Voldemort sneered.
"No, My Lord. I would never. My apologies."
Severus heard a scratching sound from inside the room, but he did not dare to turn his back on The Dark Lord to inspect it, nor did he dare look him directly in the eye.
"Do you believe I should be afraid of what remains of this prophecy?" he asked.
"Not afraid, My Lord. I would never believe you capable."
Voldemort smirked.
"Quite right, Severus", he said, and with a flick of his wand he snatched a frightened mouse from a dark corner of the room and fed it to the great snake, Nagini. "However, you do believe I should change my plans?"
"I suppose not."
"Spit out what it is you really mean to say, Severus," Voldemort said, reaching for his wand. "Or I will take it from you."
Oh fuck. No!
"Lily Potter, My Lord!" he said, in a panic. "I would ask that you spare her!"
Voldemort nodded and with an upward hitch of his brow bone - he did not have eyebrows, so to speak, which only made him more menacing - Severus knew that he would have fared better trusting his Occlumency ability.
"You would ask me, Lord Voldemort, to spare a Mublood!? For your fancy!"
"Not my fancy, My Lord. Please. I beg you… let her live. I will do anything you ask of me."
"You will do anything I ask of you because I will it." Voldemort said; his voice was so vitriolic, so cold, that for the first time, Severus was not merely frightened – he was terrified."If not for your fancy, Severus? Then why?"
"I am fond of her. I have in the past, I suppose in a way I still do…" Severus winced as he finished, "… love her."
"Love?" he shrieked, with a sickening grin on his cracked lips. "You're pathetic!"
"Yes, My Lord."
Voldemort did not even flinch as he wrapped his fingers around his wand and stared at Severus, directly into his eyes - the red scorching the black .
"I am your Master", Voldemort spat. "You will obey me."
"Yes", Severus said, and he closed his eyes, knowing before even a word was spoken, what would come next.
"Crucio!"
January 1982
S.
"She's dead, Severus. There is nothing you can do about it. It's time for you to move on."
Severus paced the Malfoy's living room, across the thick Persian rug, and Narcissa tutted. She was so precious about that thing. He rolled his eyes and she moved towards him with a glass of brandy. She waited for him to turn to face her, grabbed his hand and shoved the glass into it.
"I know you cared for her and I know you feel guilty, and I'm so sorry. You tried to warn her. You begged for her life."
"Exactly! I shouldn't have said a damn word! She would still be alive... if I'd just..."
"No, you can't think like that", she said. "He would have killed her eventually, anyway. You did everything you could."
"I should have done more!" Severus snapped. "I should have gone to her and protected her!"
Narcissa's eyes flew wide open.
"And defy The Dark Lord?"
She shook her head repeatedly, as though trying to get her head physically around the concept of betraying Lord Voldemort.
"You would have died! What he did to you after you asked him to spare her. That was nothing in comparison to what he would have done if you'd tried to protect her."
"I suppose."
Narcissa held Severus' hand tightly and urged the glass to his lips.
"Drink up. You'll feel better. And Severus..."
He looked up at her. Her face had fallen. She was all fear; all worry.
"… Don't ever tell anyone else that you tried to warn her. They will not hesitate to kill you. I've not even dared to tell Lucius."
"Good", he said. "Don't tell him. It is my secret."
She squeezed his hand and then let go.
"And I will take it to the grave", she said.
There was a time when Severus had told Narcissa everything. Nothing had ever been off-limits. And it ate away at him that now he kept from her the biggest secret of his life. She did not need to know that he had turned spy. If she knew, she would be susceptible to the Dark Lord's legilimency. She would keep the secret if he asked her to, he knew, and she would die for it. And so he kept this darkest of all secrets to himself. Nobody could ever know. He was trapped. He could never count himself as truly belonging to Dumbledore, having failed to protect Lily. Nor could he call himself a loyal Death Eater, now that he, that sick bastard, had killed her. Neither was he Lily's. She didn't want him; would never want him. She could ever want anything again. And now, he was not Narcissa's, as the secret he kept acted as a wall between them. His entire life had become a lie.
And so now, I am alone. Again.