Chapter Thirty One – Growing Friction

Ben had hoped that the friction between he and Olivia would smooth over in a few days, but it only got worse. Olivia was still refusing to introduce him to her friends and didn't understand why he was still pressing the issue. She was barely even bothering to consider the request when he managed to get her to talk about it. Worse yet, their arguments were making Olivia even touchier on other subjects. She was doubting their relationship again and was making it incredibly difficult for him to deal with her. No matter what he did she kept trying to push him away, and there was only so much longer he could handle it. As patient as he was, his frustration was continually building. The progress before had been slow, but at least it had been progress. Now they were going backwards. Sometimes it wasn't even small steps but massive jumps backwards. Ben was really starting to struggle to deal with it. He was running out of options to convince Olivia that she could trust him too. Despite everything he said she wasn't willing to take that step.

"You're going back in tomorrow, aren't you?" Ben asked from the other side of Olivia's couch.

"As long as the trembling doesn't get any worse."

With Suvi's help she'd been able to manage consulting that day, though her handwriting had been hardly legible. If the shaking got any worse she wouldn't be able to turn the pages of a case file or type with any level of accuracy. She could manage without writing if she needed to, but turning pages and typing were necessary. There was no way to do her job if she couldn't complete such essential tasks, so there would be no point in going in to help.

"I still want to take you out to dinner you know."

"I have no idea when I'll be back, Ben."

"So I'll pick you up from whichever precinct you're at when you're done. We'll go from there."

"I'll be really late. I doubt we'll actually have time to go."

Ben sighed. He was used to her working late on the days she went in to consult, and he was willing to work with those time constraints. The problem was that she didn't seem to be willing to do the same. She kept coming up with excuse after excuse, and he doubted any of them were the real reason she didn't want to go.

"You just don't want me to show up at your work."

"You're right. I don't," she almost snapped.

"That's what I thought."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I expected that response from you. Lately whenever I offer to do something for you or do something with you that might involve people we know you turn me down at once."

"You're being paranoid."

"You're being stubborn."

She crossed her arms firmly over her chest and glared at him. It only proved Ben's point in his opinion.

"Then why didn't you let me help with Suvi when you got home? I could tell you were tired and not in the best of moods."

It had only gotten worse in the hour they'd been together. She was even more tense than she had been, and she'd almost become hostile. Ben wouldn't be surprised if she completely went off on him or literally attacked him at any point. It was just that bad.

"I didn't need your help."

"Come on, Liv. Talk to me. I know that's not the real reason."

"I don't want your help. When I got Suvi I could finally be independent again. I'm not going to go backwards."

"Accepting help isn't dependency. It's not charity either."

"Feels that way to me."

"Well, it's not that way," he told her. "People want to help the ones they care about. The ones they love."

"If you want a girl you can take care of then you might want to get a new girlfriend."

Anger and disappointment flashed through Ben. He'd never met a more frustrating woman in his life. Simply being patient and understanding didn't seem to be working. Maybe being a little more forceful would get through. She was used to forceful. It was really one of his last shots regardless.

"I don't want anybody else, you fool. I want you. You're just too stubborn to see it."

"I know that's what you say, but I've heard it before."

"And apparently I'm not going to be able to convince you otherwise."

He didn't want to leave her and walk away, but it was the only chance he had left. Maybe if he put some space between them she would realize how much she had to lose. If she didn't come around he might have to consider walking away for good. As much as he cared about her and wanted to be with her, he had to protect himself too. He couldn't stay with her if she was never going to trust him, never going to completely open up to him or welcome him fully into her life.

Ben stood and looked down at her sadly.

"Good things will come to you, Olivia, but you have to let them."

Before she could say anything in response he walked past her. She stared at him in surprise, but he ignored her. Instead he leaned down to rub Suvi's head, who was also watching him.

"Take care of her, buddy. Hopefully she'll come to her senses eventually."

As he started putting his light jacket and shoes on Olivia finally realized what was happening. She stood and took a few steps toward him. For the first time that evening there was slight concern on her face instead of tension or anger.

"Ben, where are you going?"

"Home. I can only give so much, Liv. At some point you have to give too. The only person that can decide when that point is, is you."

He headed out the door without another word. No "I'll call you later" or "I'll see you later." As difficult as it would be for him, he had to wait for her to make up her mind and make the next move. They could never move forward if he didn't.

The door clicked closed behind Ben, leaving Olivia standing there stunned. She'd witnessed the whole thing, but her brain still couldn't quite process it. He'd decided to walk away, and he'd claimed it was her fault. Olivia turned away from the door in anger and dropped back down on the couch. None of this was her fault. She'd done nothing wrong, and he'd been the one to walk out. It shouldn't have surprised her really. Everyone left at some point, and she'd known Ben would too. He'd simply lasted longer than most. Unfortunately that didn't make the rejection hurt any less. Some small part of her heart had desperately wanted to believe he would be different.

She tucked her legs up onto the couch and sighed. Suvi sensed the shift in her mood and padded over to her. When she didn't look at him he whined and rested his head on the couch. That got him nothing so he grabbed a fold of her pants and tugged lightly. Olivia looked up at him and gently rubbed his head.

"I guess it's just you and me again, Suvi."

As the night drew darker outside so did Olivia's view of the evening. Ben had been gone for a few hours, and her anger had dissipated long ago. She'd had some time to think, and it had brought Ben's departure into clearer focus. He wasn't the one to blame. If anybody was to blame for the current mess of a situation, she was. Even when he left he still cared about her. He'd cared so much that he'd told Suvi to keep an eye on her, which clearly said he wanted her to be okay. What was more, right before he'd walked out he'd told her that it was up to her now. He was still waiting for her. Olivia rubbed at her forehead and rested her head against the back of her couch. She really didn't know why he would want to wait for her. In her opinion she didn't deserve that. Why was he still trying so hard for her? Waiting for her? It didn't make any sense at all. The whole situation was eating at her, and she couldn't find any escape. Sleep wasn't coming, and her mind wouldn't slow down. She didn't know what to do.

O . o . O . o . O

Ben stared up at the ceiling of his bedroom with his arms folded behind his head. Like Olivia, he wasn't having any luck sleeping. He'd been a mess since he'd walked out of Olivia's apartment. It had been a fight not to turn around and go back. As hard as it was to leave her though, he knew it was for the best. Too bad that knowledge didn't ease much of the heartache. Neither did the fact that they could still wind up together, and if they did, their relationship would be stronger than before. If only they could last until then.

He rolled out of bed in defeat. There was no chance he was going to fall asleep without some help. On his way to the kitchen he spotted his phone on the counter and couldn't resist checking it. He hadn't been expecting anything, but he was still disappointed to find no missed calls or waiting messages. Ben tapped the edge of his phone on the counter as he considered calling or texting her. In the end he sighed and left his phone where it was. It was too early for him to contact her. She needed time with this just like she needed time with everything else. Maybe tomorrow he would send her something. He would just have to figure out what that something would be.

"You had to pick the most difficult girl out there, didn't you?" he muttered to himself as he pulled a bottle of sleeping pills out of the cabinet.

Despite that he still thought she was worth the trouble. He needed to know that she thought it was worth it too though. Their relationship could never survive if she didn't. Ben simply couldn't carry all of the weight on his own even if a part of him wanted to do just that so he could have her back. Hopefully Olivia would think it was worth putting in an effort because he wasn't sure his heart could take it if she didn't.