Chapter Thirty Two – Blow Out

Nick seriously doubted Olivia was making any progress on the serial rapist case she was going over. It had nothing to do with the fact that the case was at a dead end either. Yesterday that might have been the reason, but not today. Something was bothering her now, and she was off her game. After the years of working with her he could pick out when she was upset. She was distracted and quiet, which was unusual for her. Normally when she was back in their squad room she interacted more with everyone, much like she had when she'd actually been on the job. Sometimes it was almost like she was trying to make up for lost time. Today she definitely wasn't following anything like her normal behavior pattern. If he hadn't seen her enter the squad room he wouldn't have even known she was there except for her trips to the coffee pot. She was downing the beverage like an alcoholic would liquor. He was kind of curious whether the trembling in her hands was from the massive amount of caffeine or her injury.

He wasn't the only one that had noticed she wasn't herself either. Cragen had looked at her curiously as he'd walked past too. Olivia hadn't even noticed him looking. She hadn't noticed the other eyes that were locked on her either. Every time Nick looked over Suvi was watching her with the saddest brown eyes. A few times his head was even resting on Olivia's foot in an attempt at comfort. He was obviously worried too. Deciding he couldn't let her sit in silence any longer, Nick moved toward the desk she was working at and perched himself on the edge. That didn't go unnoticed, and Olivia looked up at him curiously.

"You alright?"

Nick was hoping for a real answer to his question, but he didn't get it. That shouldn't have been surprising. It would have taken a miracle for him to get a real answer.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure? You've been really quiet today."

"Because I'm working, Nick."

She hadn't actually gotten very much done though. Her thoughts were all over the place and she was having trouble focusing. There had been a few times where she'd finished reading a report only to realize she had no idea what she'd just read. One of the pages she'd gone through at least three times and she still wasn't sure she had fully processed it.

Nick took her words as the dismissal that they were. She didn't want to talk, and he better not push. That was fine. He would let her be, but that would only be for now. If she continued the way she was going he would be restarting their conversation.

For the next hour it looked like she was pulling herself together. Nick wasn't sure how much of what he was seeing was true and how much of it was an act though. He suspected that whatever had been bothering her before was still bothering her; she'd simply managed to get it a little more boxed up. Fin and Amanda stopped in to report to Cragen before heading back out on the streets to canvass for a new case. Neither of them spotted anything even remotely off with Olivia. They might have if they'd stuck around for a while, but even then Nick wasn't sure. If he hadn't seen what she'd been acting like earlier that morning he might not pick up anything either.

It was edging toward lunch time when her cell began buzzing on the desk top. Olivia thumbed it awake and glanced at the screen. The music file was one of the last things she'd been expecting. While she couldn't listen to the song in the middle of the squad room and she hadn't brought her earbuds, the title was enough. Let Love In. Immediately her mind went to Ben, and the whole swirl of emotions she'd been fighting since last night rushed past her control.

Nick noticed the change right away and could only watch as she slid downhill from there. She may not want to talk to him, but she was going to have to. There was no way he could let this continue. He headed to Cragen's office to get approval and then moved to Olivia's side after a quick stop off to grab their coats.

Suvi spotted the coats first and got to his feet with his tail wagging. They were going out! Olivia was a bit slower to respond.

"What are you doing?" she asked skeptically.

"Taking you out for lunch. Come on. You aren't allowed to argue with me."

She sighed but got ready to leave anyway. If Nick wanted to treat her to lunch and the captain was okay with that, then fine. It would be a good distraction for her, and Suvi would enjoy the opportunity to get up and move.

They took a seat at one of the nearby diners they'd frequented a lot since Olivia's injury. The one they used to go to while Olivia had been on the job wasn't friendly toward service dogs. Everyone in the squad avoided it now whether Olivia was with them or not. Nick let Olivia have a few moments of peace as they looked at their menus and ordered. Almost instantly after the orders were placed however he started in on her.

"Alright, Liv. What's going on?"

She gave him a blank stare before returning nonchalantly, "Nothing. I'm fine."

"Forgive me for saying this, but bullshit."

Olivia glared at him from across the table in hopes of getting him to drop it, but he met her gaze firmly and she had to drop her eyes.

"I may not technically be your partner anymore, but I'm still your partner." He paused for a second. "If that makes sense."

She gave him a weak smile.

"It doesn't, but I understand what you meant."

"Good. So you can translate what I want to ask you and answer that question."

Yes, she could, but she didn't want to. Nick might be her partner, but this was her personal life. She really didn't want to go into it. In fact, she didn't even want to think about it. Her hesitation was more than clear so Nick decided to push a little.

"What message did you get the last time your phone rang?"

"What?"

"The minute your phone rang you changed, had trouble focusing again."

"It was a message from Ben."

"Ben? The Central Park guy?"

"Yes."

"You guys are still together?"

Olivia looked down uneasily. She wasn't sure how to answer that question, even to herself. He'd said he would wait for her and he was still sending her texts. Did that mean they were still together? Maybe. It could also mean they were taking a break and therefore weren't together. It could go either way.

"I don't know," she sighed.

"And that's why you're out of sorts."

It wasn't a question, but Olivia nodded in confirmation anyway.

Nick shifted a bit uneasily and rubbed at the side of his head. He'd been working off of the assumption that he would be able to help her work through whatever was going on in her head in some way. Now he wasn't so sure. He wasn't exactly a "let's talk about relationships" kind of guy. That was something women were supposed to talk to their girlfriends about, right? Amanda would be a lot better at this than he would. Too bad she wasn't available, and that left him. Great.

"If this guy is being an ass, Liv…"

Olivia smiled and shook her head at him. She could hear the protectiveness in his voice, and it wasn't necessary.

"He's not, Nick. Not really."

"So what then?"

"You're really going to sit down and give me relationship advice, Nick?" she asked with an eyebrow raised in amusement.

Nick held up his hands in surrender.

"Yeah, not really my thing. Let me tell you what I know about you though, Liv. You're stubborn as hell and you tend to push other people away. That's if you even let them get within arms distance. You keep a lot to yourself too. Now I'm a guy so I know we're not big into the whole heart to heart talking thing, but we don't like seeing someone we care about in pain. It's…" Nick rubbed at his temple as he tried to come up with the right word. "Frustrating, especially if we can't do anything to help."

Their food arrived just then, giving Olivia a bit of a break from needing to answer. When their waitress left Olivia started picking at her food so she wouldn't have to look at Nick.

"I know," she finally whispered.

"Well, if you like the guy then fix it," he told her before taking a bite of his sandwich.

"Yeah, because it's that easy."

"Might be easier than you think. All you have to do is show you're trying."

Olivia blinked and looked up at him in surprise. He actually had a good point. It wasn't necessary for her to become a suddenly open person that would discuss the past and her feelings at the drop of a hat. All she had to do was make a point to try and take one step at a time toward trusting someone with what she kept locked up tight inside of her. Maybe it was possible. It wasn't like she didn't know what Ben was asking for. He was sending everything through song. Then it suddenly clicked. Ben might have walked away but he hadn't given up on her yet. The most recent song proved that. He was still waiting for her to figure it all out, still holding on to their relationship.

"Thanks, Nick."

She smiled softly and genuinely at him, and Nick couldn't help smiling in return.

"No problem. Any time. Though if you want good advice don't come with a relationship problem next time."

"You didn't do half bad. I guess I just needed someone to drive the message in."

"You can be a little thick sometimes."

She shot a light kick at his shin from under the table, and he winced.

"Do you want to buy your own lunch?" Nick threatened.

"Do you want to get your ass kicked?"

"Fair enough," he grumbled.