Chapter 61- Snippets of Parenthood II
A/N: The beach was good for me. I had a lot of time to write, and have some one shots that I am going to post, hopefully this week! Stay tuned!
"Hey baby girl, it's just you and daddy time." Barney says, lifting Bri over his head. "Mommy's taking a nap, so we have to be extra quiet."
Bri gurgles a response.
"That's right, little B," he replies, laying her on her blanket for tummy time. The minute her stomach touches the floor, however, the tiny whimpers of protest start.
"I know you don't like it, baby girl, but you have to spend some time on your tummy," he coos sweetly. "No beautiful girl like you needs a flat head."
He whimpers start to grow, but Barney is determined to keep her there. He thinks of the things he could do to distract her. She's still too young for magic, he's sure. Without object permanence, everything is like magic, but a scary kind of magic. So he does the next best thing he can think of. He crawls down on the floor, lies on his stomach in front of her, and sticks his tongue out.
Her whimpers slow, and he realizes pretty quickly that it's working. She is calming down. Her cheeks are still red, and her eyes are still puffy, but the look of curiosity on her face grows more intense.
He changes his face, now crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out to the side. Her expression turns from curiosity to tiny hiccup-like giggles. That in turn, makes me laugh with glee. She is the best thing that could have happened to his life. He thought at one point, that Robin was the best, but now, looking at this giggling happy baby, he couldn't be more wrong.
4:37am her phone reads as Robin's awakened by the grumbling cries of Bri.
She groans loudly. She's exhausted, and wants nothing more than to go back to sleep.
"Barney," she mumbles. "It's your turn Barney."
"Are you sure?" he asks. "Didn't I get up last time?" He's sure he did.
"No," she responds quickly. "I got up last time. You slept through it."
"Sure I did," he moans sarcastically.
"I'm serious Barney. Plus it's not a feeding. She's just up."
"Fine," he agrees with a groan, although he's almost sure she's trying to pull one over on him.
He climbs out of the bed and pads quietly to the door. Robin grins to herself. As soon as he closes the door, a small yes escapes her lips. She won. She pulled it over on him.
"Hey, hey, hey!" he coos to her the minute he's in the nursery door. "Why so sad Bri? Come here, come here." He picks her up out of her crib, and smells her. "Fine there," he mumbles to himself, before cradling her in his arms.
"How about I tell you a story?" he asks rhetorically, as he paces around the nursery.
Her crying stops and he takes it as his cue to tell her some incredible ones.
"You, Brianna, are a Stinson, which means you come from a long line of great Stinsons. We've met presidents. We've been leaders in wars. We've done things for this country," he grandiosely says. "And that one's actually true," he adds in a whisper before continuing. "One of your ancestors grew up in Ancient Rome. And you are going to grow up to do something equally as awesome."
He glances down, noticing that her eyes are shut, and she appears asleep.
"Look at you, finally looking tired," he says proudly. "Just remember that no matter what you do, mommy and daddy love you. And you are asleep. Let's put you back down."
He's satisfied she's asleep after watching her for a few minutes without a stir from her.
He quietly walks back to bed, crawls back between the sheets with Robin and pulls her close. She sighs happily, snuggling up into his arm.
It isn't long before he's asleep.
"Okay, this doesn't get any less gross," Barney says to himself as he's changing Brianna's diaper. He has her on a blanket in the living room as Robin warms up some leftover take out in the kitchen.
"No, it certainly does not," Robin interjects, after overhearing his comment.
"Who's my messy baby girl?" he coos.
The corners of Brianna's mouth turn up, and to his knowledge, she's never done that before.
"Robin. Come here quick!" he exclaims.
"What? I'm kinda in the middle of-"
"No. Now," he insists.
"Fine," she replies with a groan.
"I don't want you to miss it!"
"What?"
"She's smiling!" he declares happily. Robin plops down next to him, and notices the same thing.
"Oh my god! She is!"
"So this is the first?" he asks. He's sure Robin would have told him about something like that if it happened during the day, but he can't be certain.
"Yes!" She exclaims, until she notices the smile start to fade. "Awww she's stopping."
"Who's my girl?" Barney coos, in hopes of resoliciting the reaction. "You're my girl!" They are both excited when she starts to smile again.
"Awww!" Robin exclaims. "We better get her diaper back on though."
"Yes," Barney agrees quickly. "I haven't ruined a suit so far, and I certainly don't want to start now."
They finish the change and manage to catch her in time to snap a picture.
"Are you mommy a girl?" Robin coos. She hopes that it's not just Barney that can make her smile. It would be her luck though. She's more than happily surprised to see her chubby little dimples start to form. "Yes! She did it for me too!"
"Who's mommy and daddy's little smiler?"
Bri smiles again, and this time, it's the biggest one of all.
"I wondered if Penny smiled yet," Barney says.
"I would say no. If she had, it would be all over Ted's Facebook," Robin explains.
"So we beat him again?"
"I think we did!"
"Want to put it on Facebook to brag?"
"Hell yes!"
"You two are just too cute," Robin says, looking up from her spot on the couch as Barney comes in with Brianna in the baby carrier.
"You know it," he agrees proudly, touching his nose to show her how spot on she is.
"What did you two do?"
"Just went for a quick walk in the park. She liked it outside. It's such a nice day. Did you enjoy your nap?"
"Tremendously," she says, as she pulls the baby out of the ergo. "Smells like she needs a diaper change." He takes off the carrier and she notices just how badly she needs that diaper changing. "Oh. Oh my!" she mutters.
"What?" he asks, slightly concerned by her tone of voice.
"Um..."
"What?!" he starts to panic.
"Something... Your suit. Don't panic," she says, but he's unconvinced. His suit and her look cannot go well together.
"What do you mean don't panic?!" he very nearly screams.
"Ummm... There's been a containment breach," she says in her best reporter voice.
"Of what?" he asks, horrified, because he's afraid he already knows the answer.
"A diaper variety," she says, trying to keep a smile from cracking her face. She knows the panic that is coming, and it's going to be a hilarious ride.
"Oh no," he whispers. "Oh no!" he gets louder, and soon he's at a full on shout. "It's ruined! Atticus is ruined!"
"Calm down, Barney," she tries to calm him down. "I'm sure that the cleaner can get it out!"
"But this is merino wool!"
"Come on Barney," she reasons, although she knows it's hopeless trying to reason with the unreasonable. "Seven weeks was a pretty good run. You got seven weeks without getting any baby fluids on a suit."
"But a suit is still ruined!" he cries. "You are just ridiculous!"
"It's a suit! It's a dark suit!"
"I don't care!" he whines. She stops paying attention to his crises of suits, and starts to really look at Brianna. This was indeed a full-fledged explosion. There's no way the suit would have ever gotten out of there alive. Brianna is covered: on her back, on her stomach, in her hair.
"Oh god! She's so bad. I need your help."
"No," Barney protests. "I'm not getting near that again."
"I can't do it by myself. She has some in her hair!"
"Ugh, gross!" he exclaims.
"I know."
"I refuse to get anything else on my suit."
"Then go take it off!"
"Fine." He sulks off to the bedroom to shed his suit.
"And go quick!" Robin shouts behind him. "She's starting to make me gag."
It seems like an eternity to Robin, who's holding Brianna out in front of her like a football, but he comes back just a few minutes later in just his underwear.
"You could have put some clothes on, you know."
"Yeah, but then I would just get more stuff ruined," he argues.
"Your suit is not ruined. It's not. Just get some damn baby wipes and at least wipe off her head so I can lay her down," she demands.
"Why? Why do you do this?" Barney asks rhetorically to the baby as he wipes off her head.
"She's a baby. She can't help it!"
"Yes she can!" Barney exclaims.
"Barney. Calm down. You are not helping one bit! I need you to take off her dress." He does while Robin holds her, revealing more brown than he's ever thought possible could come out of a baby. "Okay. It's clear that we need a bath."
"Yeah we do," Barney chortles, obviously suggesting a bath for him and Robin.
"Barney!"
"Sorry. Sorry." He can tell he's hit a nerve. "What can I do?"
"Go start the water. I'm going to strip her down and at least try to get some of this off."
He goes, and it's only a minute before Robin joins him in the second bathroom.
"I couldn't do it alone. She's too bad. Hold or wipe?" she asks.
"Hold, please." He takes the baby from Robin as gingerly as possible. "Seriously though. How did she do this?"
"If I knew, I'd make sure it wouldn't happen again," Robin answers.
A few wipes later, and Robin deems her clean enough for the bath.
"Alright. I think we're good. Want to go shower? I can take it from here."
"Sounds good."
"I'll see you in a few."
He gets in the shower, letting his skin soak up the hot water. He's stands there for longer than he realizes. It's been so long since he's been completely alone, and been able to revel in a long shower. He never realized just how hard these past few weeks of his life were going to be before they happened.
It had been an emotional time for the both of them. Going back to work meant little time to himself. Each waking moment was to be spent with his girls.
He used to be such a sexual person. Even during Robin's pregnancy he had found some time to, as he used to jokingly put it, read a magazine. But since the baby was born, it hadn't happened at all. Time had become such a precious commodity, and he really didn't feel like wasting it on himself. Now, though, the hot water and the stress has brought back urges he didn't know he had been missing.
He reaches for his shower gel, squirting a liberal amount in his, and massages it into himself. It amazes him how much his own touches manage to spring Lil' Barney into action. One tug, and he finds himself moaning in pleasure. He becomes so engrossed, enjoying the feeling so much, that he jumps when he feels the hand on his shoulder. In all his pleasure, he'd missed Robin open the door, shed her clothes, and join him in the shower.
"Sorry. I…." he stutters, his hand dropping immediately.
"For what?" she asks, unconvinced by his apology. To her knowledge, he hadn't done anything since Brianna's birth.
"For, well, leaving you with the mess and then doing this," he apologizes, seriously believing that she is mad.
"Barney, she's asleep," she answers, dragging her hand up and down his chest.
"Oh, good,' he replies, with an air of relief. The sexual overtones in Robin's voice continue to go straight over his head. "And clean?"
"And clean."
"And you're…"
"Happy I came in time to help," she purrs as she falls on her knees in front of him, taking him in her mouth in an instant.
"Woah," he manages to mumble.
"What? You got a problem with this?" she asks, looking up at him with seductive eyes."
"No," he insists. "I just wasn't expecting it at all."
"So I can continue?"
"God, please do."
As he opens his eyes and steadies himself against the wall, he can't help but notice Robin's enormous grin.
"God, what you do to me Scherbatsky," he murmurs.
"It's my specialty."
"Well, for what it's worth, thank you," he says, and he means it.
"Of course. I had to get your mind off that suit somehow."
Robin is exhausted to say the least. The last month and a half had been incredibly long. Brianna still had yet to figure out the difference between night and day.
"This is why I didn't want to do this mom thing," she mutters to herself as she paces the nursery with a still wailing Bri.
"Honey, just go to sleep. Mommy needs you to go to sleep so she can sleep," Robin coos, trying to move Bri as much as possible.
"How about I sing you a song?" she laughs at her own self reference. "That's still sounds cheesy. Do not tell your father I just said that. Maybe something quieter than that song. Something your grandma used to sing me," she explains, even though the baby is still crying over her.
"It's from this fantastic movie, with a magical nanny, although somehow, your father probably thinks she's the villain, but she's not. He thinks that everyone is the villain somehow. Except for the actual villain. But enough about that. It's time for you to go to sleep."
"Stay awake, don't rest your head," Robin begins to sing. "Don't lie down upon your bed," Robin's voice calms Brianna for the first time that night.
"While the moon drifts in the skies, stay awake, don't close your eyes," unbeknownst to Robin, Barney slowly opens the nursery door. He'd woken up to the sounds of his mother's favorite lullaby and thought he was dreaming, but now he can clearly see his amazing wife rocking their miracle daughter to sleep to the song he fell asleep to many times over the years.
Robin turns around, slightly startled to see him in the doorway, but she keeps singing. She doesn't want to ruin the work she's put into this so far.
"Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don't nod and dream."
She ever so slowly, places Brianna in the crib, as Barney joins her at the railing.
"Stay awake, don't nod and dream."
To both of their reliefs, she stays asleep away from the warmth and comfort of Robin.
"It worked," she whispers, admiring the baby, who now looks peaceful.
"Of course it worked," he answers. "She's genetically programmed to fall asleep to that song. How did you know?"
"Know what?" she asks, confused.
"That's my mother's favorite lullaby," he tells her.
"Seriously?" she asks, shocked by the thought.
"Yeah. Her Julie Andrews phase. Remember?"
"Oh yeah," she agrees, and adds, "I was singing it because my mother sang it to me."
"No wonder it worked!" he whispers excitedly. "You know, I think you could record a new album. Robin Sparkles lullaby edition."
"No," she says instantly.
"But people could use your beautiful voice to get babies to sleep!"
"And no," she says again.
"But just think of it Robin!" he exclaims, his voice getting louder.
"I'm going to bed Barney," she says as she heads towards the door.
"You could go back on tour with the wig, and the jacket!" he shouts to her as she closes the door and he can no longer see her.
On cue, Brianna starts to wail. He had woken her back up with all his antics.
"Robin!" Barney shouts, trying to get her to come back and help.
"Nope!" her shout is muffled from across the apartment.
"But-" he whines.
"She was asleep when I left. You woke her up with that. You put her back to sleep. I am going to bed," she shouts again, and he figures it's no use. At least he learned a new trick in getting her back to sleep.
"Stay awake, don't rest your head..."
4/24/15
Of all the things that I expected parenthood to be, I never expected it to be quite so humorous. Despite the hard work and sleep deprivation, I find myself laughing at many things she does. My favorite very well may be her first diaper explosion, which happened all over one of my husband's favorite suits.
Yet, I did expect to be sad. I don't know why, but I am. I feel different now, now that I am so far from her birth, even though it feels like only yesterday. As much as I don't miss being on bed rest, I certainly miss her being with me all the time. I miss being her home. It's a bitter sweet experience. She's already grown so much, and the future seems great and scary. I know I'll get there, but it's a slow process.