AN: Sorry I fell off the face of the earth. If you didn't notice, then pretend I was here all along. Anyway, have a great weekend! x
PS. Played with canon when it comes to Snape's patronus. Sorry if that annoys you.
18. Storms Gather
S.
Watching Hermione leave the evening before had been awful, but the light in the darkness had been knowing that this time, she would return. Waking up without her at his side was worse still, but it was one night, one morning. She would be back before he knew it. He was aware of the absolute absurdity of this 180-degree turnaround. They'd gone from miserable sex, to 'I love you', to shacking up in just a few weeks, and yet, it felt like a natural progression – natural, if not normal… typical. They were quite used to sharing their space after all, even if it had been years since. Just as her home had become his; his home, was now hers.
But she had gone out for the evening with Jessica, and they were both going to spend the night at Hermione's and so he was alone for the night. As he sat on his sofa, his feet propped up on the coffee table like a damn vagabond, he wondered not if, but when she would return.
Okay. Pull yourself together. You can manage one day without her.
He'd tried to be supportive because that was the kind of… It was the kind of… boyfriend? he wanted to be.
Boyfriend? Seems juvenile.
Probably because you haven't been someone's boyfriend since high school.
What is the thirty-years-out-of-high-school version of 'boyfriend?'
Gentlemanfriend?
Oh, fuck off.
Severus liked Jessica, and she was good for Hermione, but he was a selfish creature, and he wanted all of Hermione, all of the time.
Which is ridiculous and possessive and exactly the sort of shit that drove Lily away.
Lily!
It's not the same. You're not seventeen anymore.
And so, he decided that he would go to the people who would talk some sense into him.
By which I mean, they'll call me out on my bullshit. Given that they are good friends and, of course, that they take great joy in telling me that I'm acting a twat.
Severus stepped into the living room to floo to the Malfoys' when he caught sight of a pair of green eyes in his periphery – an owl perched on the fence outside his window. It wasn't Darcie, but the bird was similar; shades of brown where Darcie was all grey. He opened the window and allowed the bird to step inside and as he reached to take the letter from its talons, the bird nipped him. He pulled his hand away with a jolt and stared at the pink mark that oozed red between his thumb and his index finger.
Little shit, he thought, as he tried to take the letter again, but the bird began to bite and tear at his wrist, and he had to physically push the thing back out of the window with one hand and snatch the letter with the other. Snapping the window shut, he stuck his fingers up at the bird and drew the curtains.
He opened the envelope, and as he pulled out the parchment from inside, his fingers burnt hot and he dropped it to the floor. He stared at it, understanding the motive before he could read the words, created from letters cut from newspapers and magazines. It read:
YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE
"Aren't you frightened, Severus?" Narcissa asked, studying the envelope as though it might hold answers.
It doesn't. I've checked.
Severus shook his head and narrowed his eyebrows.
"Why would I be?"
"I don't know? Maybe because it's a threat?" Narcissa said, as though he was a fool for even asking. "Don't you remember Tobin? The guy I was before you and I started dating?"
"The creep?" Severus asked.
"Yes. He sent letters just like this one. It escalated pretty quickly. You should be careful."
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Let's just say I know a thing or two about crazy exes."
Severus rolled his eyes.
"We don't know it's from Cressida", he said. "And even if it is, I'm sure I can handle myself."
Narcissa dropped the letter onto the coffee table and stared at it.
"Just be careful, love. Okay?"
"Yes, Treasure", he said.
"I'm serious, Severus. There is nothing more frightening than a pissed off ex-lover."
"I can name a hundred things more frightening than Cressida. Your schemes, for example, are terrifying."
Narcissa threw her silver hair behind her shoulder and crossed her legs.
"They work don't they?" she said, gently tilting her head to gesture at Hermione's pile of belongings – her bag and her trainers and a pair of jeans, screwed up beside the sofa – Hermione's attempt at 'tidying up'.
"Perfectly."
:
H.
Hermione had felt guilty for the way that she had handled Cressida's 'breakdown', as she and Severus since referred to it. But the guilt quickly assuaged when she returned from her night out in town with Jessica to find Severus sitting stiffly on his sofa, staring at a letter. Hermione was no stranger to threats, having received plenty of them during her fourth year, when Rita Skeeter published a lot of nonsense about her very tragic, non-existent relationship with Harry. This however, was something different. This wasn't the ill-informed anger of a stranger. No, this was very well-informed anger, from someone familiar to them. Someone who knew where Severus lived.
Someone who has been in his house. Someone he had trusted.
Hermione didn't particularly consider herself the jealous type, but she was fiercely protective, and the idea that someone would threaten him because they were jilted was unbearable. Ever since she had ended her relationship with Ron, Hermione had started to feel more like herself. And herself, was quite proficient at hexes and jinxes. And there were plenty to consider.
"Leave it", Severus said, placing his hand on her shoulder, and taking a seat beside her in the kitchen. "Whatever you're planning. You don't have to."
"You can let her get away with it, Severus", she said.
"You think it's Cressida too? So does Narcissa."
"Of course," she said, slamming the letter down onto the counter. "Who else would it be?"
"We can't be certain it's from her."
Hermione scoffed.
"If it is from her", Severus said, sharply, "then it will pass. I hurt her feelings. She's just lashing out."
And it did pass. Three whole days of comfort and familiarity and stolen looks across the reception at work, and shared lunch-breaks and walks through the city before apparating back to Severus' house, which was fast becoming her home. But on the fourth morning, she walked into the kitchen to find Severus in just his boxers, with a mug of coffee in his hands, staring out of the window. Following his gaze, she saw a large brown owl perched on his fence post.
"The same bird", he said, and opened the window for it to enter.
He didn't bother trying to take the letter from its talons this time. The cuts on his hands would likely not scar, but they had needed a few drops of dittany upon her return. She followed Severus upstairs and sat on the bed as he got dressed, then took his hand as they apparated back to her house so that she could do the same. He moved in towards the wardrobe and pulled down a black pinafore dress and a black and white vintage blouse.
"These", he said, with a smirk.
"Severus that's an old Halloween costume."
He handed her the hangers, and ran his hands through her hair, kissing her cheek as he whispered, "well, I want to see you in it."
"Alright", she said, as she pushed him out of the room, onto the landing, "but believe me… it's not a good look for me."
"I'll be the judge of that", he said and grinned as she left the door ajar so that he could watch her.
It had become a play that they revisited every morning. Severus stood just outside her bedroom, watching her remove her clothes from the day before and they would reclaim the memory of her 'little display', as he referred to it, and make it something their own. He stepped back into the room once she was dressed and he drank her in, from her face down to her stockings and back up.
"You're right", he said, "you should take that off immediately".
He swept towards her and his hands came first at her waist as he ran his hands up to her face and kissed her.
"We'll be late", she said, as he tugged at her dress and pulled it over her head.
"Then we're late", he said and pulled her into his arms, before his kiss came, both hot and chilling at her neck. "So be it."
:
S.
"Another one", he said, dropping his head as he handed Hermione the third threatening letter of the week.
"Seriously?" she asked, taking it and opening the folds.
what you have done is UNFORGIVABLE
'Unforgivable' was all in red and capital letters. It was clear to him what the intention was. Subtle as it was. He rolled his eyes. Hermione hadn't missed it either.
"Severus that sounds like a death threat", she said, staring at the words. "'Unforgivable', like the curse… right?"
"It does, doesn't it?" he said, unconcerned. "That is what I thought too."
"You're not scared?"
He scoffed.
"Of Cressida? Not in the slightest. I'm quite an accomplished wizard, you know?"
She smiled with pressed lips.
"So you believe me now? You think it was her?"
Severus didn't know if he did believe it was Cressida, but either way he was not particularly worried. However, Hermione was not so easily calmed. If it helped her to believe that the letters were from Cressida then Cressida it was. One letter Hermione could deal with - how he had loved to see her lion's claws retract – but three letters, was, he could understand, cause for concern. It just didn't make sense. They'd only been on a few dates, of course, but how could he have been so misguided? She truly had seemed quite sane, yet her reaction to their breakup was so out of character… and now this?
Absolute madness.
But who else could it be?
It surely wasn't a coincidence that he removed her from her home and received the letters just days later? Severus didn't believe in coincidences. Still, a part of him refused to believe what seemed so obvious. That was until the howler came.
Cressida's voice burst from the letter, unmistakable, in a shrill sob.
"Severus! How could you do this to me!? I saw you in town with her!"
Her voice broke as it got louder.
"I knew what you were – a Death Eater", the disembodied voice spat, "Everybody told me, 'walk away, he's no good for you!' But did I listen? No! Because I believed you were good, deep down. But I was wrong, you are capable of evil."
Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes as she muttered, "slight overreaction."
"You have broken my heart", the voice continued. "I should have known better than to trust you. Nobody will ever love you like I did. You will regret this, Severus Snape. Mark my words!"
Hermione's eyes widened and then she raised her eyebrows as she looked at him and put her hands on her hips.
"Right, that's it. I'm going to contact someone at the ministry", she said. "We have proof now…"
She trailed off and dropped her arms, as she watched his face fall.
"It's really her?" he asked.
"Yes", she said gently.
"I can't believe it. This is so unlike her—"
Hermione interrupted gently.
"Is it, though?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, with a note of irritation.
"Severus… Come on. What do you really know about her?"
Severus hadn't dared admit it yet, but the answer was 'relatively little'. It wasn't that she hadn't told him things, he imagined that she did. But he hadn't asked her anything - he'd hardly paid her any attention at all, thinking about it. He had been far too caught up with his own…
Adolescent drama.
You're forty fucking five, there's no excuse.
He shuddered. He had only spent a few weeks with Cressida, but there really wasn't an excuse good enough for not knowing even simple things about her.
I can't remember a bloody thing.
"I don't know", he said. "I suppose not much."
"Exactly", she said, as if that proved it.
Case closed. Must be Cressida then. No other explanation.
Somewhere inside him, there was a voice or an understanding or something, there was something that was certain Cressida wasn't behind the letters. He supposed this was what other people referred to as a 'gut feeling' or 'instinct'. Neither of these were familiar to him, preferring to have rational thoughts that were carefully considered, before any conclusions were drawn.
It's not her. It doesn't make sense.
If only we knew someone else with a grudge against me? If only there was another crazy ex somewhere in the mix.
"I'm not convinced."
Hermione crossed her arms even tighter around her body.
"You heard the howler! It was her, Severus" she said in that knowitall way she would at school as she answered a question that was not posed to her.
It was far less irritating now - sweet, actually – knowing that she cared.
"I'm sorry, I know you don't want to believe her capable but we don't know who she is... Who are her friends? Her family?"
Okay. It is perhaps a little irritating.
"I didn't meet any of them," he said, defensively. "I'm sorry."
"Did she mention anyone? Work friends, perhaps, or maybe old friends from Beauxbatons."
"She went to Hogwarts", he said. "She was in Slytherin… Wasn't she?"
Hermione screwed up her face.
"You told me she lived in France," she said.
"I did?"
She nodded.
"Did you teach her?"
"No", he said, confidently – that, at least he knew for sure. "I didn't teach her."
"Well, you would have taught her if she was in Slytherin, wouldn't you?"
Fuck. What is going on? Why don't I know anything about her?
"She wasn't at Hogwarts, Severus. I mean… we could check with Draco if you'd like?"
"No," he said - his voice a little more prickly than Hermione deserved.
He didn't need to check with Draco. He remembered. She had told him she was a Slytherin.
That fucking brooch.
But she had conveniently forgotten that he was head of house – but she had also told him that she grew up in France.
'They asked me to go because I speak French. I studied at Beauxbatons, you know?'
"She lied to me?"
Hermione shrugged, but her unwillingness to admit what they both knew was dishonest.
"She lied to me", he said – this time it was not a question.
"I'm sorry," she said. "It's awful realising that you don't know someone as well as you thought."
She was right. In fact, he didn't know anything. He couldn't even remember her last name.
Who the hell was she?
:
H.
Hermione could understand as well as any how it felt to be let down by someone you thought the best of. Even if Severus was not in love with Cressida - had not been with her very long - he had been close with her; he had shared things with her.
"I'm sorry", she said again later that evening, as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. "I know you wanted it to be someone else."
"No", he said, with a smile she didn't believe. "It's fine."
"Did you… care about her, Severus?"
He smirked then.
"Are you jealous?" he asked, as he moved his hands up to her shoulder and played with her hair between his thumb and forefinger.
"Maybe a little", she said.
Maybe a lot. God, maybe I am a jealous person.
She flushed red.
"Just 'a little'?" he mocked, raising his eyebrows and flashing a smile that told her he was pleased with himself…
Caught.
"I hated thinking about you with her", she said. "I hate knowing where her hands have been."
"And where do you think her hands have been?" he asked, as she shifted to face him.
"I don't want to think about it", she said. "I don't want to think that they might have been… here…"
She placed her hands on his each side of his face and needled her fingers into his hair, scraping through from just above his ears.
She watched his eyes narrow as she circled her thumbs gently into his temples.
"Or here", she said, running her hands across the cotton of his shirt, and then she pulled open his shirt to move her palms across his collarbones and onto his shoulders, "and here."
He groaned as he sat upright on the sofa as Hermione began to pull at his belt.
"And here", she said, running her fingers between his trousers and his hips.
He stood up and his trousers fell open as she reached into his boxers.
"Here?"
"Her hands were never there", he said with a grin. "She's not like you."
"Yeah? How so?" she asked, as she moved her hand along his length.
"There is nobody like you", he said, as he closed his eyes and she pulled her hand from between his legs. "No, God, don't stop."
:
S.
As they lounged, dishevelled and pink, Hermione asked again the question she had asked before he'd distracted her.
"Did you care about her?" she said. "I won't be upset, if that worries you…"
He smiled.
"I did a little. I cared more afterwards, I think, when I realised how much I'd upset her. But, she was exactly what I needed to take my mind off… well… you."
She hung her head and he lifted her chin.
"Because I realised I was in love with you", he said. "Not because of anything you did."
"You didn't love her, then?"
He kissed her on the cheek as he said, "no, my love. Not at all. Only you."
"Have you ever been in love before?" she asked.
… And there it is.
You knew she'd ask. They always ask eventually.
"Yes", he said, surprising himself. "Twice. Have you… other than Weasley?"
She shook her head, but she didn't take the opportunity to change the subject. No, she hadn't lied before. Where people often want to talk about themselves, she wanted to talk about him.
"Who?" she asked. "You mentioned before… Harry's mum… was she one of the people you loved?"
He rolled his eyes.
"Okay", he said rearranging himself on the sofa. "If we're going to do this, I am going to have to insist that you call her Lily. The other woman, I loved, by the way, is Narcissa. Please do not refer to them as 'Harry's Mum' and 'Draco's Mum' because I loathe to be reminded that the two other women I have loved in the past are the mothers of your friends."
Hermione smirked.
"Well if it helps, Draco was never my friend…"
He laughed then, and she looked pleased to have softened any awkwardness.
"Fine", she said. "So Lily and Narcissa…"
"Yes. Narcissa and I dated in my last year at Hogwarts and then for a while afterwards. She left me for Lucius when I went to Azkaban..."
Her eyes widened.
"You were in Azkaban?"
"For a couple of months", he said. "The Dark Lord needed someone to take the fall for some ill-performed Confundus charm that messed with someone's head and it was a test of my loyalty if I—"
"Oh no you don't", she said, narrowing her eyes. "That was my fault for encouraging a change of subject, I'll admit, but don't go off on a tangent. I'm on to you, Severus Snape."
He grinned.
"Fine", he said. "Narcissa and I were good together, but she and Lucius are… I don't believe in soulmates, but if ever a couple would make me wonder if people were made for one another, it would be them. They're perfect for each other."
Hermione pulled the blanket from the back of the sofa as she asked, "you don't believe in soulmates?"
"No", he said, helping her to pull it over them. "Does that upset you?"
"No", she said. "I don't believe in soulmates either. Although…"
He raised an eyebrow.
"'Although'...?"
"I wish I did. I wish we were…" she began, her shoulders drooped and she slumped back into the sofa.
"It's silly," she said, "but… if you were mine on a cosmic scale. Maybe it sounds possessive, but if we were soulmates, then… we'd be… destined…"
"What are you afraid of, my love? If we are not written in the stars, then what…?"
"You might fall out of—"
She fiddled with the tassels on the blanket and didn't finish her sentence. So he finished it for her.
"Fall out of love with you? Hermione, so-called 'soulmates' fall out of love every damn day. It doesn't mean anything. I love you now. Isn't that enough?"
She nodded, but he didn't believe her. He tucked his fingers under her chin and lifted it again so he could face her.
"What is it?"
"Lily", she said. "Harry told me about the memories you gave him, you remember?"
"Of course", he said, bitterly.
He still hadn't forgiven Potter for telling anyone who would listen that Severus was actually a massive softie with a twenty-year hard-on for a dead woman.
"I told you, they weren't entirely true…"
"But your Patronus…" she said. "It's a doe… like hers."
"So?" he said, with a gentle laugh and she gazed at him with a sadness in her eyes.
She's beautiful. Fuck. I love her.
Will I ever get used to how much I love her?
"My Patronus is a doe, like hers, because we grew up together", he said. "We were best friends. We were similar. We were made of the same shit…"
She screwed up her face in confusion and he had to bite his lip to stop his laughter.
She's ridiculous.
"You've lost me", she said.
"Right", he said, patting her on the knee and sitting upright. "So… bear with me. Everyone has a soul…"
"Yes", she agreed and he smiled.
"Excellent. I'm glad you're keeping up…"
She narrowed her eyes.
"Go on."
"Right", he said, "so… let's say that every soul is made of its own material… some souls are made of copper, others of glass; some charcoal, some parchment, some fucking cucumber soup, I don't know… But let's say for argument's sake that I am made of liquorice and you are made of spearmint. Well. Lily and I were both made of liquorice. So we have the same Patronus, because, in a way, we have the same soul…"
"Isn't that exactly what a soulmate is?"
"You think people want to live and love and share a life with someone who is exactly the same as them? No! That would be so boring; such a waste. You would never be able to learn from them or grow with them. I don't even like liquorice…" he said with a grin. "You know what I do like?"
"Tell me?" she asked, with a smile in the corner of her mouth.
"Spearmint. I fucking love spearmint," he said, raising his eyebrows and running his hand along the stubble of his chin. "I will always want spearmint. If I lived my life over and over, I would choose spearmint every time. Okay?"
The smile that followed hit him in the chest, beautiful and magical as it was.
"I love you, Hermione", he said. "Soulmates or not. You're the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You're only twenty-seven, so perhaps this is too soon for you to hear this, I don't know. But I don't want to be with anyone else. I have waited all my life to find somebody that was worth all the fear and pain and madness that, for me, comes with being in love and now that I've found you… I don't ever plan on letting you go."
She raised her eyebrows.
"Right. That sounds menacing. What I meant to say was—"
"Severus", Hermione interrupted.
Oh, thank God.
"Yes?"
"I love you too", she said. "And it's not too soon. In fact, I'd say it's about seven years late."
:
H.
I should have seen this coming.
The letters that Severus received were increasing in their intensity, and it wasn't long until Hermione received one herself. A manila envelope in the talons of that damn bird, dropped on the doorstep when nobody would allow it to enter; Severus had even spelled the fireplaces shut. Severus took it from her before she could open it, and performed a couple of spells to decipher if there was any dark magic hidden in the letter. There wasn't. Just as there hadn't been in any of Severus', except for a couple of jinxes. Nothing to really worry about. Yet, the fact that Hermione had now received one, seemed to deeply affect him. More so than it did her. More so than any letter before it. It was as though addressing the letter to her had crossed a line. What worried Hermione however, was that the letter, although addressed to her, was yet another assault on Severus.
HE WILL RUIN YOU AS HE RUINED ME
AS HE RUINS EVERYONE
:
S.
Sending a letter to Hermione was one step too far. Dragging her into their dramatic play was an escalation he had not anticipated. He had expected jinxes, maybe even hexes – curses at a push – it wasn't the first time he'd pissed a woman off. But something about engaging Hermione did not sit right with him. It felt ominous. The letter he received two days later only made the feeling intensify.
I WILL TAKE EVERYTHING FROM YOU
"Severus, what does that sound like to you?"
"Another empty threat, I assume", he said. "If she was going to do something, she would have tried it by now."
"Let's hope so", she said and he took her hand, squeezing it by reply.
I've let this go on long enough, he thought. I need to confront her. Once and for all.
"It'll be fine," Severus said.
Famous last words.
Confront her.
"Are we still on for tonight?" Hermione asked, sliding two theatre tickets across the table.
Tomorrow. It's time to end this.
"I can always ask Jessica if you don't want to go."
He swallowed his uncertainty and shook off his trepidation.
"No, I'll take you," he said with a smirk. "If you'll wear the red dress I like."
:
H.
As Severus slipped his hand into hers, she squeezed tightly, as though she could communicate through her fingers that she was happy. She walked beside him through the streets of the West End; lights twinkled above their heads and illuminated the path beneath their feet. Their evening dinner, theatre and cocktails had been everything she had hoped for. Severus was a proud wizard no doubt - proud of the magical part of his half-blood - but unlike most wizards she knew, he was not afraid of, and rather enjoyed, muggle pursuits. She didn't know much about his childhood, except that he was raised on a muggle estate, his father was a muggle and his mother a witch, and neither had been all that kind to him. As they turned onto another street and she opened her mouth to ask him where exactly he had grown up, he stopped.
She continued to walk for a second - just long enough that his fingers locked with hers - acted to stop her in her tracks and pull her in towards him. Her feet slipped on the slick cobbles from the evening's rain and he steadied her, taking the excuse to kiss her, perhaps this had been his intent all along, and she melted into his embrace as his arms wrapped around her.
"You're so beautiful", he whispered into her ear, "do you know that?"
She felt her cheeks fill with colour, but as she looked at him, she thought she saw a flicker of unease.
"But what I love most about you is that you're brave", he said.
He emphasised the word 'brave' as though it was supposed to mean something to her.
"I've hardly been brave—" she started.
He hushed her gently and she could feel the pounding of his heart and hers followed its rhythm without truly understanding the urgency. The flicker of unease shifted to throbbing dread and yet he pressed fingers into her side, and his other hand swept into his pocket, as he kissed her. It was just like any other kiss and yet…
Something is wrong.
He pulled away, and she met his eyes; they were focused and terrifying.
"Smile at me", he said. "Don't react to what I'm about to say."
"Severus?" she asked, and he smiled, urging her to do the same, but she could feel his heart pelting at her chest as he pulled her in to him. He kissed her hair and his voice came again as a whisper. Her smile ached her cheeks, as she forced to keep it there.
"I don't want you to worry…"
Too late.
"… But we are being followed, Hermione," he said.
Oh God.
"Do you see them? Tall, cloaked…"
Oh God. Oh my God.
"Yes, I see them."
"Good… where are they?" he asked.
"They're standing right behind you."