Ugh my head is killing me, the fuck did they do? I can hear them talking but i cant open my eyes, they're so heavy, did they drug me or some shit?
"Seems like he was telling the truth, he new them both. I didnt expect it to be true."
What? How the hell did they come to that conclusion?
"Yeah now that i really look at him i feel like I've seen him before somewhere."
How in the hell has Whiskers seen me before? I dont get it. Better question is how they managed to infiltrate my mind like that.
"And now looking back i can remember a little of him too."
Kakashi too?! I dont know what's going on but im not gonna question it. If it means they stay out of my brain then im all for it.
"He'll still need to be watched. Granted it seems he did live in Konaha before, but from what weve all seen he could still be a threat."
Ugh i get a babysitter? Just kill me. But it seems like they saw something that lead them to believe im apart of this village. Hmm..
Maybe they saw my memories of the show from inside my mind! That would be the only reason theyd accept me and not kill me or worse. But that was just a theory, i blacked out so i missed the rest of the mind probbing, fucking assholes.
"I could." What?! That ass nearly killed me!
"Fine, you are to keep an eye on him and stay close. He'll also have to stay with you until we find a place for him to stay."
"Hai."
Fucking hell! Why?!
Hmm guess i should 'wake up' now.
I raise my head from my chest and squint around the room, frowning when i find the people clustered together by the desk.
"Well that was super pleasant." I growl out while testing my body for any signs of weakness or fatigue. Finding none i force myself to my feet with a wide yawn and stretching my arms above my head.
"I apologize for the rough treatment, but it was a matter of Village security."
I wave off the Hokage lazily as i slump agaisnt Naruto's back with my chest. My chin resting on his shoulder with a bored expression.
"Ah, no worries."
I can see Whiskers cheeks turn pink and hear a loud gulp. Glancing at him with a smirk and a quirked eyebrow, i was about to open my mouth, when a pale hand shoved my head off and away by my face. An annoyed voice growling out,
"Can we go now?"
My grin spreads until I start to feel like a Cheshire cat. So seems Weasel-Murderer is a little posessive of Whiskers, oh this is too easy.
"Ma, Naruto can i use you as a crutch? Im pretty tired." I cant help but bat my eyelashes at him after throwing Sasuke an evil grin. If i die from a Chidori to the chest for teasing Sasuke with Naruto it was totally worth it.
In the end i yet again wish i couldve just kept my mouth shut. I was somehow stuck with Kakashi. His hand holding my wrist so my arm wouldnt slip off his shoulder, while his other hand was on my hip trying to keep us balanced. Fuck. My. Dead. Life.
So in the moments it took to leave the Hokage mansion and get down the street i was seriously questioning my life choices and how i ended up in this shitty - delightful if i truely admitted it to myself - situtaion.
"Ma, Lincoln, I -"
"Sorry, I forgot about-" I didnt want to bring up his dad by name again. "him referring to you with those names. I apologize."
Granted i shocked the hell out of myself, i didnt even mean to apologize, it just spilled out of my mouth like word vomit. Made my pride burn with annoyance and left a bad taste in my mouth but it made me feel like the better man. So eat it Hatake.
"Ugh...thanks."
That piece of shit, NOW YOU SAY SORRY YOU-
"Oi!" I shoved my weight into him a little with furrowed brows and a half frown. "Now you. You did attack me ya know."
He gave me that sheepish eye crinkle grin, the kind that made all Kakashi fangirls (and me) weak at the knees. It wasnt until he looked away with a slight blush peeking under his mask that i realised i was smiling dreamily at him. I mustve looked stupid as hell. I quickly look away with a tight frown, glaring at the dirt.
"Sorry."
My eyes grew wide, a heat flashed across my cheeks and nose, and i tried to force back the smile that wanted to creep up my face.
Damnit Lincoln! Get your shit together! Youre a grown ass man not some love struck little girl!
I straighten my back a set my face to the casual grin that normally stayed on my lips. I could see him from the corner of my eye watching me. He looked confused. But before we could say anything we all spotted a tiny dust cloud in the distance down the long dirt street.
"The hell?" I squint hard until i see a green speck in the dust. Yes! Fuck yes!
An annoyed 'Tsk' from Emotional Constipation and exasperated groans chorused from Pinky, Whiskers.
A huge smile breaks across my face, i bring my hand up to wave at the green speck before glancing at Kakashi to see his reaction.
It didnt disappoint, he looked completely defeated for a moment before reaching around and pulling a book from his pouch. I widen my eyes before leaning closer to read with my head a few inches from his. Kakashi doesnt seem to mind that much, but he did tense slightly before relaxing.
Suddenly dust explodes around us as that once green speck now becomes Gai-Sensei. Causing me and the Terrible Three to cough and hack from dust in our noses and lungs.
Again hes one of my favorites, mostly because hes fucking hilarious, that and he annoys the shit out of Kakashi. I shouldve been excited but here i was reading the infamous Icha Icha make-out tactics with the equally infamous Kakashi. And let me just say: Damn this book is hot! Especially with Kakashi holding me close to hi- No no no! Damnit! Stop that shit right now! Im not gay!!
"Ah, my eternal Rival Kakashi, can you feel the springtime of youth filling your lungs!?"
Oh god, here it comes!
"Ma, Guy when did you get here?"
"Darn you Kakashi, so hip and cool!"
Yes! God no wonder i had a crush on Kakashi, the man was witty and sarcastic, just goes to show you kids that its not always about looks.
Though now that i mention looks i did see that Kakashi face revial on MeTube that and the shower scene that went with it...
Fuck!!! Old ladies in thongs! ASPCA commercials!! Ok good the last one worked, but now the song is stuck in my head...Fuck!
"Hmm? Kakashi who is this?"
I glance up from behind the book with a half smirk,
"Hey, hey!" I give him a two finger salute while resting my chin on Kakashi's shoulder. Now im not proud of this- aw who am i kidding! Of course im proud of this!
Kakashi glanced at me with a bored expression for a moment but Gai he completely misinterpreted the whole thing! He got all red and squirmy before bursting out:
"Aw Kakashi, my eternal rival, you have found the springtime of youth! We shall be merry and make haste towards a drinking establishment to celebrate the love you have found my friend!!"
Now i would like to say i told Gai the truth but we all now whats about to happen.
"Wha-" I clap my hand over Kakashi's masked mouth while grinning at him. He gives me a 'dont encourage him look' but i ignore it completely. I throw Kakashi a wink before turning to Gai.
"Of course! We'd love to wouldnt we, honey?" Kakashi glares at me.
"Honey?" Poor Whiskers looks so confused.
"What the fuck?" Ah, come on Saucy, dont be jelous you still have Whiskers.
"How did they-?" Pinky, Pinky, Pinky tsk tsk. Keep up please, jeez youre suppose to be smart.
"Splendid! We shall drink to the power of youth!!"
"Ill get you back for this." A heated whisper reached my ear, i shudder slightly but not from fear. His damn breath tickled the spot behind my ear.
"Bring it, i have no shame." I challenged as a turn to face him with a smug smile.
"Clearly." Kakashi scoffed as we followed after Gai, Pinky, Whiskers and Ketsu (ass).
"Oh just wait Kakashi, you anit seen nothing yet!" I grin at him but he turns to me with a blank expression before pulling his book back up and begins reading. I lean closer again to read as well, noticing he didnt tense this time.
Part of me is super happy about that. I mean he must like me if he lets me this close, that or tolerants me. The other part of me wants to drop kick him for being so nice now. Damnit stop letting me get away with shit like this. Shove me away or something. Im gonna end up falling-
No! Im not gay! I love having sex with women! Not guys!
Not that theres anything wrong with being gay, but its looked down upon in the military. Its like people cant stand having someone with a sexual prefrence beyond whats considered 'normal' fighting for their country. I have no judgements agaisnt gay people, theyre just people like everyone else, but ive never been attracted to another man in Real life before. But damnit, Kakashi has always been that gay thought in the back of my head. The one that would pop up while having sexual activity. Its what made me question my sexuality in high school, and what also made me a target for people to harass. I mean looking back it was a little much for a guy to carry around a binder decorated in Kakashi fanart but i didnt see why that made the other kids so damn mean. I guess because of the bullying i ended up blaming Kakashi in a round about way and quit watching the show all together.
I guess i shouldnt blame him, though i still want to, its not like its his fault.
During my inner monologue we ended up at some bar. I quickly let go of Kakashi to walk in with everyone else, i check to make sure Kakashi didnt 'poof' away and grin when he walks in behind me. What greets us is smoke clouds and the smell of alcohol. Ah, finally something familar.
Were waved over by Gai who was seated in a both with Asuma, Genma and Yamato/Tenzo. I glance over to see the younger kids with the rest of their team gangs.
I throw an arm over Kakashi's shoulders as we walk over to sit with the Jonin.
"Kakashi, whose your friend?"
"Hmm? Oh, this is Lincoln." I give them a grin with a lazy two finger salute.
I like to pride myself on reading people, plus i know these guys characters pretty well. Though im sure Asuma is suppose to be dead. Hmm and now that i think on it why is Sasuke here?
Odd, very odd. Something anit right here. But oh well, im dead so maybe this is just some purgatory until i finally do go to Hell.
While im pondering on that i feel stares embedded into my skull, not a pleasant experience, but i cant blame them. I must look odd.
I run my fingers through my mousey brown hair with a sheepish grin. Hmm maybe i do look too odd.
"Excuse me." I stand and walk towards where the restrooms are located. The sign hanging from the ceiling pointing to them was a little over kill considering theyre right in a line of sight but oh well.
I take satisfaction in knowing Kakashi was watching me, him being assigned to babysit me could be fun. I played with the idea of running away but figured id get a kunia in my ass cheek when he found me. So i simply walked into the restroom, did my business, then walked to the mirror and sinks to wash my hands.
Seeing myself as an anime character was pretty fucking cool. I was tan with nice sized caramel colored eyes. A nice small, slender nose with an almost wolfish grin. Light brown freckles dotted across my nose and cheeks. My hair was light brown and tosseled like id had some great sex. Bangs hanging down tickling my eyelashs, while the sides and back were cut short to see skin and faded up into the rest of my longer hair on top.
I couldnt help but grin at myself, i was damn good looking as an anime character, a little younger looking but hey thats fine with me. Instead of late 20's early 30's i look almost 18 or 19 at the latest.
I glance down at myself, unstraping the kevlar vest from my chest. I felt better not having it on, plus its heavy and annoying. Shit it didnt even protect me from bullets, i still died.
When i turn around i jump slightly.
"Oi, you scared me ya pervert."
Kakashi raises an eyebrow at me from where he stood with his shoulder leaning agaisnt the wall facing me. His arms crossed and his ankles crossed as well.
"Hmm."
I glower at him, but his staring is making me blush, dam him. I grin as i walk towards him with arms opening out to him. You wanna play hardball? Fine by me.
"Oya oya, did you miss me, Honey?"
I can clearly see the frown but it doesnt touch his eyes so i continue towards him until i clasp his biceps with my hands.
"Did you? Huh?"
A scoff, playful i might add, and he turned away to walk out. I pout and throw my arms over his shoulders and lean agaisnt his back with my chest, vest hanging from my finger tips in front of him.
"And here i thought you cared."
We turned some heads while walking back to our booth. With me clinging to his back with my legs curled up and cheek pressed against his all the while i kept saying how cold he was to me and how i dont feel loved anymore.
I can honestly say that Kakashi is the hardest person to annoy. He takes everything and dishes it back ten'fold or conpletely ignores it. I ended up a little annoyed at his self control. Damnit if i had a man clinging to me like a chimp and whinning in my ear i wouldve decked him.
But the worst part was after a while of trying my hardest to irratate, he ended up playing along with my bullshit. I could see it was to mess with his friends who by now assumed we were a couple thanks to Kakashi putting up with my antics and Gai making up some bullshit story of our 'love at first sight'. All in all it was a fun time drinking with them. I didnt get wasted but got tipsy, while the Green beast of Konaha got completely shitfaced. Kakashi apparently was sober even though he drank just as much as Gai did, considering Gai had challenged him to a drinking contest.
Genma was tipsy but he had disappeared with a waitress a few hours ago and Asuma had stayed to make sure Gai didnt tear the building down but he was almost as plastered as BushyBrow-san. Him and Yamato had their own drinking contest to which Yamato won but at what cost? He stood on the dance floor with a wooden chair in his arms swaying to some slowdance music in his head. I got to say, Yamato is a smooth talker when drunk, the things his whispered to that chair were very heated.
The younger one across the bar all got pretty hammered, even Sasuke. Whiskers had ended up nude from the waist up so he could draw toads on his chest while preaching to Neji the importance of nipples, which he pointed out, he had two of. Tenten was nodding to Whiskers where she sat next to Neji, both were red faced and slurring horribly when they commented on Whiskers' nipples. Pinky was shit talking Piggy who was being held back by Sai who was smiling at his friends for help. Dog boy was panting/snoring on the table face down from his spot in the booth next to Hinata who was hiccuping loudly and blushing bright red from the embarrassment of it. Bug-Hotel was outside speaking to a dead cockroach by the door, apologizing for the human race. Sasuke was the funniest one, he had started out chuckling softly until now he was full blown laughing a genuine hearty laugh that made his cheeks pink and a smile on his face. What he was laughing about i have no damn clue.
So as i watched all this unfold i couldnt help but grin, maybe this wouldnt be as bad as i thought it would be.
Something landed in my lap causing me to jump slightly, almost releasing a girly squeal. There in my lap with his masked face a mere breath from my crotch was:
You guessed it.
KAKASHI FUCKING HATAKE.
I take it back, fuck this place!!
Old ladies in bikinis! Old ladies in bikinis!!