Chapter 16
Rin shivered and blocked the wind from her face. Lightening struck in the distance and felt too close, dangerously close. The rain collected in deep puddles and flooded the forest like a river. She couldn't keep doing this. Walking was getting impossible in this weather against the elements. The icy rain and the blinding wind made it impossible to get any where.
Earlier there had been at least a little light but now it was dark. Impossible to see your hands infront of your face. The possibility of even seeing her own feet was slim. The night was opaque and other than the occasional flashes of lightening; there was no light.
What had she been thinking? That it would be possible to get back. There was no chance. The power she had, it didn't stop her from being cold. It didn't stop the rain from sapping all the strength and warmth from her body. It didn't stop the rain from being glacial and the wind from being blistering. It didn't change the fact that she was hopelessly, uselessly lost and the cold was unforgiving.
Was this what it felt like to die? To be close to death? The cold was numbing. However it was nothing like the breaking of the porcelain dolls. This pain was just a sliver compared to that. But it was painful all the same. It had been sharper earlier, but it had long given away to a pin-and-needles pain, but now? Nothing.
She had no idea where she was going, not anymore. The forest seemed to be repeating. Rin swore these trees...she'd seen them before. She swore she had. Then again, everything looked the same in this darkness.
How long had she been walking? There was no moon and even stars had decided not to line the night sky. They'd hidden themselves behind storm clouds. She walked with her hands tucked into her armpits, where it was warm; but just barely.
It was cold...so cold, and she longed to be warm. Longed to be in a warm bed next to Len. Tears flowed down her cheeks but she couldn't tell the difference from them and the rain. If she died she'd never get to see Len again. Everyone would be looking for her eventually, but what if it was too late?
Her clothes were drenched and heavy from the rain. The cloth that had been so comfortingly warm earlier, was now shackles around her body. Heavy and bitterly cold.
She wished so badly that she hadn't followed the voice. That she'd more control over herself. That she hadn't given in like she did. This was it, this was how it ended. A life that she didn't know the time span of, a new her that had only been alive for a short amount of time, would be dead.
Len would've scolded her for going off. For walking away on her own without telling anybody. She'd so badly wanted too. To yell at everyone to help her. To stop her other self, a mind belonging to the male voice. She'd tried, but the voice was too strong and she was so weak. Weak enough to be trapped in her own body and not be able to cry out for help.
Len's scolding would be amazing compared to her current situation.
She missed Len a lot. Len would be warm and kind. He'd protect her from the voice like he'd promised. She was lost. It'd be a miracle if she ever set eyes upon Len again. She missed Len...
Her heart clenched in her chest and it was painful. This pain wasn't from the cold. It was accompanied by sadness. One that filled her and caused more tears to stream down her cheeks.
How would Len feel if he never saw her again? Would he be sad? Would he go on with his life? Would he even care? The last thought was accompanied by venom. Her heart tightened.
Of course he'd care. Len cared about her, definitely. He'd surely...her thoughts trailed away.
He only cares about you because he's stuck with you. A voice spoke in her head. If you weren't around he'd have the same life as before, a much easier life where he didn't have to worry about those people who tried to grab you, or anybody else coming to get him. The mud slipped out from under her feet and Rin slammed against the ground, hard.
It's all your fault. The voice said and then repeated it. It dulled out and its tone went flat, empty and cold. We don't belong anywhere, it started to say. Just do the world a favor and don't get up. Do us a favor and don't get up. You said you didn't wanna hurt anyone right? So why not just die then?
Rin stayed in the mud. Suspended and still. She couldn't help but process the thought while laying there. She was nothing but a nuisance. Possibly if she disappeared, maybe Len would have an easier life. He wouldn't need to be troubled with her, though he'd never acted like it was a trouble.
If she disappeared...he'd have a lot more for himself. If she disappeared...if she just disappeared...
Rin placed her hands infront of her and propped herself up. If she disappeared...Len might be sad. He'd put so much effort and energy into helping her. It'd be a pain if she just died. Especially if she didn't say goodbye.
Even if she was a nuisance, even if Len grew to hate her. She still wanted to be beside him. Losing Len would be heartbreaking. Her heart tightened at the thought. If Len didn't care about her, he'd simply state it. He was that kind of person. Her kind of person.
She'd found something she wanted. She wanted to stay with Len. Go to school with him. Chat to his friends that were now her friends. Meet his family. Make his breakfast, his lunch, his dinner. She wanted to be useful. To be truthfully needed. Her life was his and she'd end it for him too. It was a little selfish but it's what she wanted.
So she trudged on. When her body finally became spent she'd reached a small cave. Despite the weather outside the cave was dry. Rin stumbled in and collapsed against the cave wall. If even for a little while, she'd sleep.
Sleeping sounded so relaxing, so comforting...the faint calling of her name in the distance...she could hear it. She wanted to reply but she felt so warm all of a sudden. So tired...so warm. But she couldn't sleep. Not now...not before replying to her name. Replying to whatever voice was calling to her this time.
Slowly she reached a hand over and gripped a chunk of cave rock. With a weary arm she raised it. Determinedly she focused, pulling power forward. Rin focused ahead. Her willpower blended with her surroundings till her body stopped shivering. She became bitterly cold again and then she felt warmth.
A warmth that was power swelling inside her. She was capable of pulling it forward. Of sending the rock flying as a message to where she was. But when the rock shattered, when it came to combust into hundreds of tiny pieces; would she stop?
The heat inside her receded and icy cold slashed her insides. If she thought about this for too long whoever was calling her would go. At that time, it'd be too late to send much of anything.
As much as she didn't want anyone to see her other self. The part that craved destruction, she'd have to do it. There was no other choice. She'd throw the rock and pray she didn't feel the need to kill afterwards.
Warmth coursed through her veins and she breathed in. Relaxed and let the power simmer, boil, but not erupt. Her insides flamed and the power fought. It slashed and bit at her from the inside and she gripped her reality. Held on as tight as she could, focusing on one target, on one object. To throw the rock and nothing more.
Heat rushed out to her fingertips and she threw the rock. The sound it made was deafening, glorious, alerting. A sound that repeated in her location. The deed was done but her power didn't simmer. Refused to take the backseat. Her body was on fire and Rin doubled over.
She clawed the cave ground. Needing to grab onto the cave ground so it didn't disappear. She needed to hold something, anything. She needed to stay herself and hang onto her world; her view. She heaved forward and her breath became raspy. Uneven. Her stomach, her soul, everything was empty. Her surroundings blurred and clouded. Her hands sunk into the cave ground. Leaving engraved hand prints; her handprints.
The moment was glorious and she reveled in it. Her hands sunk further and further. Un-moveable rock sunk beneath her fingers, crumbled under her hands. Rin gripped and it crumbled. The rock broke leaving a pile of dust. It had not been her intention, not what she wanted.
A small sliver of herself was hanging on. Struggling to keep herself forward and not surrender. Rin forced herself upwards towards outside. Towards the rain that could cool her. If she got back out in the rain, maybe it would reverse the effects. She clawed her way along the walls towards the outside. Towards sanity and herself. To her new life.
Air left her lungs and she couldn't breathe. The sudden lack of oxygen caused her to fall. Rin collapsed against the cave floor.
"I won't let you." A voice spoke. It wasn't quite her own, but it was hers. Rin's eyes wandered up to see a face, her own face. Her other self. Her eyes were as red as she remembered. A bright bloody shade of it. Rin tried to speak, tried to put any letters into words but she couldn't.
How was it possible? Another her? Had she been replaced? Had the male voice made copies of her? She thought this until she witnessed the distortion. The other her distorted like pixels of an old film.
"Why Rin?" It asked her, their voice an octave lower than Rin's. A cold, empty, emotionless voice. "I saved your life just now yet you still continue to fight me...?" Jolting flame shot through Rin's body and she cried out a bloodcurdling scream for help. Her body was on fire, there was too much heat. As if she was burning from the inside out.
Rin gasped for air and lifted her hands. She started to drag her way to the exit. Before she even came close, her body flew sideways like paper and careened into the cave wall. That new pain ripped into her and she screamed more.
"This was originally my body you know..." The red eyed her spoke again. She sounded sad, disappointed, threatening. "I let you in..." her voice trailed off. In her absentmindedness much of the heat receded and Rin choked on the sudden rush of air to her lungs.
"Why are you harming me? Us!" Rin shouted. Shakily she placed her hands infront of her and propped herself up. She leant against the wall for support.
"Because you're killing me," her other self said. Plainly and flat, almost sad.
"Then why harm us more?" Rin asked.
"It's this idiotic kindness of yours that almost brought us to our death."
"It's because we listened that we almost caught our death! To that stupid male voice!" A slice of pain slashed Rin's mind and her other self stepped forward.
"Don't ever talk about the master like that." She bit venomous and cold. Rin winced and locked eyes with herself.
"Why are you doing this? We agreed we wouldn't hurt anything, not anymore...right?"
"You're foolish..." Rin's eyes widened at the comment. "Destruction was all we were ever made to do."
"You're wrong...Len and I-"
"Why are you so desperately hanging on to hope!" Lightening flashed in the distance and Rin watched another distortion in her other self.
"We have the potential to be different. We don't have to be this."
"And what have you done to prove that?" Rin fell silent. "Exactly, nothing." The words hung heavy.
"It's because you can't just quietly sit by and trust me!" Rin yelled, balling her hands into fists.
"We're not different Rin...stop this delusion..." Tears slid down Rin's cheeks.
"We are different! Len has, Len will-"
"Len won't come for you!" The red eyed her screamed. Tired of Rin's foolishness, tired of her persistent kindness. Rin wiped at the tears pouring down her cheeks but they didn't stop. All the pain she'd felt earlier was gone. All she felt was a strange pain in her chest. A pain much worse than anything she'd felt earlier.
Her other self had to be wrong. Surely had to be wrong. Len would definitely come looking for her wouldn't he? If not him then someone. Someone for sure would come looking for her. Rin fell to her knees.
"You're wrong...you're wrong...Len will definitely come for me. Somebody, anybody surely." But as she looked up at herself all she saw was pity. Pity covering eyes filled with cold indifference. Pitying eyes that looked down on someone insignificant.
"You poor thing…" Her other self spoke. Pitying, judging, regretting. It was all written in the gaze of her red eyes, but she meant the opposite.
Sick laughter filled the cave. Sadistic laughter in a lower version of her voice. Unlike Rin's laugh, this laugh was a cold dead sound. A mocking sound. Noise. Rin felt her presence infront of her. "But I'm glad you realized. Len has so many more things to do than give one damn about you." Red eyes pierced her blue ones. "But it's fine, because such pain is nothing for us after all."
With that she was gone. Leaving Rin to her own solitude. To the deafening lightening storm and the rain and the wind. Rin cried. She wanted to stop her tears but, maybe it was true. The voice had no real reason to lie to her. She didn't belong. Not here or anywhere. She'd been lying to herself. Thinking that she did, maybe she was foolish; there's no place for the broken in the light.
It was a sudden recollection. She couldn't remember who said it, but someone had. A long time ago.
Even if all of it was true, even if she was foolish, and unwanted, selfishly still, she longed to be by Len's side. For her voice to be wrong.
She couldn't help but hope and wish for it all to be wrong. If it was the only wish she could ever have granted, that's all she wanted. Yet, the chances of that, of anything...were all negative.
"Len...," she sobbed. Her cry would fall on deaf ears. All which would be drowned out by the rain and the wind. They'd go unheard and unwanted. Lost among all the other cries drifting on the wind.
"Len...Len you promised you'd protect me right...? Where are you...?" Rin tucked in her knees and buried her face in them. "Len..."
"Yes?"
She didn't want to believe it. Such a thing couldn't possibly happen right? This couldn't be real. But that voice...it only belonged to one person. The very person she'd called and longed for. Her heart filled with reluctance and pain. The pain of looking up and it not being him would be unbearable, but when she did...her eyes met blue ones. A slightly darker shade than hers, but she knew them.
He was covered in scrapes and scratches. Infact he looked as if he'd been through hell. It looked excruciatingly painful, but he wasn't bleeding. He was beaten and plenty bruised but it was Len.
He was breathing hard and looked irritated. Most of all he looked worried and deep in his eyes was a hint of terror. The terror of someone who'd possibly just had the worst scare in their life.
"Len..." Rin said his name aloud. As if she couldn't believe it. As if he couldn't possibly be here. He frowned.
"You know you're a lot more trouble than you're worth." He hadn't said it bitterly but sternly. More tears slid down Rin's cheeks and she looked down. Len turned around and stared back outside at all the rain. "But you sure do know how to give a guy a heart attack." He sighed and Rin lifted her head to look at him. Len glanced back, a peeved expression on his face. "If I die you're buying my casket. I don't care whether you have money or not."
Suddenly Rin couldn't help but laugh. All of a sudden she felt so much lighter. Len really had come for her. He walked over and stood over her.
"I'm not kidding, if you need to slave away, you will. My casket won't be cheap either." Rin giggled and nodded. She wiped at her tears and he smiled, offering his hand. Rin took it and Len helped her to her feet.
"How did you find me?" She asked. Len turned around and walked a few steps towards the mouth of the cave.
"It was easy, all I had to do was think where you'd be. This was the first place I looked." He stared at her. "I definitely did not run up the mountain several times or search half this forest." Rin stared into his eyes and Len looked away. "If anyone tells you that, it's definitely a lie."
Yet even though he said that, he looked exhausted. His breathing was quick and heavy as if he'd sprinted for several miles. If not for the rain, Rin was sure he'd be sweaty too. From all that she could only inquire that Len had been looking everywhere for her. Yet he'd chosen to play it off like he'd never been worried. Not even for a second, possibly not to worry her.
"Len, even if you say that...you're breathing way too hard..." She spoke softly so he wouldn't hear and Rin smiled to herself. Suddenly she found herself closer to Len. He'd pulled her into a hug. Instantly he pulled back.
"Rin...are you okay? You're boiling hot."
"Yeah I'm fine-"
"You're not fine! Is it the cold from this morning?" Rin shook her head.
"No, I'm okay." She smiled.
"You're not!" Len protested. And before she got anymore time to say anything more, Len had pulled her onto his back. Adjusting her so she'd stay. "If you're not feeling well just tell me. Don't lie so I won't worry..." Then he took off with her, running back out into the storming rain and lightening. Even though he seemed so exhausted, so tired and frankly in pain. He still carried her.
Rin didn't need to be carried, she was fine. Any cuts or anything she could've got from the earlier fight with herself were probably healed by now. Len really didn't have to carry her. Yet here on Len's back...she felt warmth. Rin's heart beat rapidly in her chest, somehow she couldn't understand why. But it was an amazing feeling.
Len was taking care of her. Doing such a sweet thing, and going through all these hardships. Her face felt warm and she wrapped her arms around him. The fact that Len was trying so hard for her sake, worrying for her sake. She felt something...but couldn't quite explain what it was.
Lightening struck in the distance but Miku stood outside. She waited under her teal umbrella for Len. Hoping, praying for him to be alright. He'd told her not to worry about him but it was impossible. She couldn't help but worry about him, she loved him.
Len was already injured beyond belief. Yet he'd charged back out into the storm to find Rin. He'd tried so hard for her sake and now Rin's. It wasn't that it bothered her or anything, but somehow, she wished Len would only do such things for her.
Miku shook her head violently. It was wrong to think something like that. If Len hadn't gone to go get Rin she might have possibly caught her death. Mikuo and Kaito had also left with a crew of searchers.
Miku stared out into the forest. If Len hadn't gone, Rin would've most likely caught her death by hypothermia. Definitely...so why did she feel so...
"Miku, you should go wait inside. Luka doesn't really want you out here. She's worried about you." Miku heard Teto's voice and flinched. The suddenness startled her. She glanced back at Teto. She was wearing casual attire. Something much warmer than the tank top and shorts she'd had on earlier. Miku shook her head.
"It's okay Teto. I'll wait here. I'll feel troubled if I go inside." She waved a hand out into the rain. "The rain helps me think."
"What if you catch a cold?" Miku shook her head and smiled.
"Don't worry, I'm fine. Tell Luka that too." Miku turned back around and focused on the forest. The rain was loud but she could still hear Teto's footsteps. They didn't recede.
Sure enough Teto had walked over. She closed her own magenta umbrella and stood next to Miku under hers.
"I'll stay with you since it's cold," Teto said, also staring into the forest.
Miku couldn't help but watch her. Teto was sorta an odd girl. They were friends but at school she always wore a blank expression as if she wasn't particularly capable of any other facial expression. She had cute features if you were in to her kinda thing, but other than her hair that resembled drills, there was nothing else that stood out about her. Other than the fact that she was short.
It was a little unnerving to stand next to her, but Miku wouldn't say. Teto made no attempts at conversation. Again she wore her blank expression and focused on the same place of interest as Miku herself had been doing earlier. They both waited in silence until Teto finally spoke.
"Miku, what if Rin doesn't come back and Len returns without her..." Instantly Miku shoved Teto out from under her umbrella. For a second she couldn't understand why she did it.
"What's with you? How could you say something like that!" Even though Teto had said such harsh words, she still wore that stupid blank expression of hers. "I would never think of something like that!" Miku said. But though she'd said so, why was it that she felt so afraid all of a sudden?
Teto tilted her head downwards and rain soaked her newly changed clothes. Miku couldn't see her face.
"...I already know you like Len. However it seems that he isn't really interested in you, am I right?" Teto spoke without emotion. Her words had a stabbing truth to their coldness.
"T-that's," Miku stumbled on the words. "That's not true, and even if it was what does Rin have anything to do with it." Teto looked up and her eyes pierced Miku's, as if she was capable of seeing straight through her.
"Are you an idiot or have you just not realized? Rin is surprisingly close to Len, it wouldn't be surprising if he liked her instead of you."
"That's not true! Back then Len didn't take a step with me on his back so...so it wasn't a definite no. He'd be sad if he didn't come back with Rin." All of it blurted out and Miku couldn't understand why she was defending herself so much. It couldn't be true, sure Rin was close to Len but she was. Rin was different. Len was like her. He was a delinquent.
Even so Rin was a nice girl. Rin was sweet and innocent. It was possible for Len to like her, Miku couldn't rule out the possibility completely. She tried to, but it was impossible. That refreshing feeling Rin gave off, if Len fell for it she'd just have to give up on him.
"Even if that's true...I wouldn't wish that Rin wouldn't come back..." Teto let out a giggle.
"Yeah, Yeah I get it Miku. You're putting it positively." Finally Teto smiled, but Miku wasn't filled with happiness. Infact the smile was almost cruel. "It's just, I wonder how long you can keep up that act for." The words cut deeper than they should've.
"You're wrong Teto! It's not an act, stop acting like you can see through me! I genuinely care for Rin she's...I don't want her to perish." Teto still smiled.
"Funny, I never mentioned anything about Rin dying. I only said if Len doesn't come back with her. She could easily be found by Mikuo, Kaito or the search team. I never said anything about her disappearing."
Miku's eyes widened. Her grip loosened and she dropped her umbrella.
"But you said..." Her voice trailed and she couldn't find a way to prove Teto wrong.
"Amusing how you took my words. Just goes to show you what you're really thinking out here in this rain."
"No, you indirectly...I wouldn't wish harm on Rin." Miku stumbled on the words. They felt metallic on her tongue. They felt...empty. As if there wasn't any truthful feelings in them. She stood there. Her eyes wide, her mouth open, incapable of producing words. Teto laughed.
"Really, you're the worst Miku. You were the one that thought such a thing and yet you blame me? Such a cowardly action...it's unforgivable you know."
"I didn't think something like that...I would never," Miku tried to explain but she couldn't feel the truth in her own words.
"If you can't back up your own words, you shouldn't say them Miku." Miku shook her head, unable to say anything. Teto walked closer to close the distance between them. "Well, nevertheless, you can't help thinking like that. If the man you love, loves another woman who isn't you...you can't help but wish she'd perish so only you can fill that gap."
Teto's eyes pierced and stared dead into Miku's.
"If it isn't true just prove me wrong. Say it." Teto placed a finger under Miku's chin and tilted her face upward so she couldn't look away.
Miku tried but her mouth betrayed her. She couldn't say anything, couldn't prove Teto wrong if she couldn't believe her own words. Lightening flashed in the distance and Miku stood frozen. Petrified. Her hands were shaking and she was afraid, terrified.
She wished Teto would stop looking at her. That she would stop tainting her honest love. Stop speaking the dark secrets hidden deep within her heart. Ones she hadn't known were there. Maybe she had, but chose to ignore them.
Couldn't she just be allowed to love Len, and for him to love her back? It wasn't selfish, it was the only thing she wanted. The only thing she had worked hard for. Was it wrong to wish it wouldn't be taken from her?
When Teto realized Miku would say nothing she smiled. Sadistically, mockingly, as if she was enjoying being right. Reveling in Miku's suffering. Eating it, devouring it as if it was something that kept her alive.
"Can't prove me wrong, huh? Really how cowardly. Still it's inevitable to think that way. Still...such jealously...such selfishness...it's sickening." A single tear slid down Miku's cheek. Teto stepped back. "I better go inside before I throw up." Then Teto walked past her.
Miku listened to each of her steps receding, then they stopped.
"Oh, but Miku...," As much as she didn't want to, Miku turned her head to look at Teto. "If you ever do really want to get rid of Rin...do give me a call friend." Teto left with that. Simply smiling before turning on her heels and heading inside. A flash of lightening drowned out the sound of the door closing, and locking shut behind her.