Chapter Forty Six – One Long Night

As Olivia took her first few steps out of the vet's office her feet were like lead. Dr. Sparn had promised they would take good care of Suvi for her, but it still felt wrong to be leaving him behind. It was the first time they'd ever been separated, from the moment they'd started training until now. She had only been away from him for a few minutes and already it felt like too much. They'd been apart longer before, but this time was different. Unlike on a normal day she couldn't simply call him to her side. Pain rushed through her again at the thought, and she wrapped her arms uneasily around herself. With her head bowed and her shoulders hunched Ben desperately wanted to pull her into his arms and hold her until she relaxed at least a little. Since they were walking down a public street he was going to have to settle for holding her hand. When his hand touched her she glanced up and sidestepped so her shoulder bumped his. She needed the closeness. It removed at least a tiny edge of the bite of loneliness.

By the time they boarded the subway Ben had realized that Olivia was basically functioning on autopilot. She hadn't said a word, and the look in her eyes was distant. Ben took it upon himself to guide her home since he wasn't totally sure she could get there on her own. When they walked through the door of Olivia's apartment she was still functioning on her own plane of existence. Ben bet it was a pretty dark plane too.

"Can I make you something, Liv? Something to eat? Maybe coffee or tea?"

"No."

Ben had wandered into the kitchen when they'd walked in, but Olivia hadn't followed him. She hadn't moved beyond the entryway and was still standing there like she was lost. Despite the fact that she was in her own apartment she was staring at the space like she had never seen it before and didn't know what to do. Once again Ben needed to lead her. He gently touched her arm to gain her attention and pointed toward the couch.

"Why don't you go sit down? I'll make you some tea and then come join you."

Olivia didn't protest the suggestion and walked over like a zombie to sit on the couch. Not wanting to leave her alone for long Ben opted for a quick microwave tea. He set the mug down on the table beside her when it was done and curled up next to her. Olivia let herself tip over sideways to lean into him. Over an hour later the tea was cold and untouched. Olivia was basically the same. She hadn't moved, said a word, or come out of her thoughts. Ben knew he had to find some way to distract her or this behavior would continue all night. Figuring she wouldn't notice since she hadn't noticed anything else so far, he pulled out his phone and started scrolling around for an appropriate song. He honestly had no idea what to pick since most of the songs he would usually consider didn't fit the situation. As he ran through the options Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' "Your Guardian Angel" jumped out at him. He didn't remember what the song was about but he liked the title. It certainly fit what Suvi was to her and what he wanted to be for her too. Just to be sure he clicked around and pulled up the lyrics. When he read them a small smile appeared on his face. Some of the lines were very clearly him while others applied well to Suvi. It was perfect as long as Olivia didn't focus too heavily on the heaven stanza. Given what had happened that day it could potentially hit a little too close to home, but he was willing to take that risk. He hit play and waited to see how long it would take for the music to pull her out of her trance. Surprisingly enough it didn't take very long. Olivia blinked and glanced over at him, her eyes moving from his face down to his phone. Ben grinned. She was processing things, though slower than normal.

It wasn't until the song finally ended that Olivia looked up at him again. While she didn't precisely look happy, at least there was some light and awareness back in her eyes. It was much better than looking almost dead.

"Play it again so I can listen to the whole thing this time."

Ben was more than happy to oblige. He hit play again and watched her as she focused on the phone and listened to the lyrics. This time when the song ended she didn't look at him or say anything. Her eyes remained glued to his phone as if it could suddenly bring her Suvi like it had brought the words that could describe him. Ben stroked Olivia's arm with his thumb to grab her attention.

"Suvi isn't your only guardian angel. I am too, if you'll let me be. Of course I won't be very good at listening if you tell me no."

Olivia smiled weakly and leaned over to wrap her arms around him.

"Thank you."

They stayed together on the couch for the remainder of the day. Ben had attempted to get Olivia to eat something, but her separation anxiety was too high for her to do anything more than pick at the meal. It didn't help that she suffered two mild seizures that evening which only reminded her that Suvi wasn't there. She'd had no warning, and while Ben had been there each time she woke up it hadn't been the same. Suvi was her anchor in the rough storms following her seizures. Ben was a buoy, a safe place but one that still swayed violently in turbulent water. There had only been so much Ben could do to calm her afterward. Even by the time they both curled up in Olivia's bed she was so uneasy and on such high alert that she doubted she would ever be able to relax enough to sleep. Ben tried to relax her by rubbing her back but eventually he drifted off. Olivia remained as still as possible so she wouldn't disturb him and let her thoughts run where they would. Obviously they went to Suvi, who was hurt and alone in a cage at the vet. It was an incredibly long night for her. The longest she'd ever experienced. Sleep would have made it go faster, but it eluded her. In total she figured she only got around an hour or two. Most of that sleep had come from drifting off for short periods of time on the couch after she'd officially given up on sleep. Ben found her there the next morning with her legs tucked up beneath her.

"Hey. Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really."

He wasn't surprised since she definitely looked like she hadn't slept. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, and the skin under them dark. She looked pale and somewhat sick.

"When does the vet open?

"8:30."

A quick glance at the clock on her cable box revealed it was barely after seven. Olivia was in for a long worry-filled wait.

"Do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

She shook her head, and he sighed.

"Liv, I'm not going to let you sit here and drown in your own fears."

"Don't you have to get to work?"

"I called off last night, and don't try to change the subject."

"Sorry," she mumbled and bowed her head.

That wasn't what Ben wanted. His intention hadn't been to upset her more and make her feel bad about herself. Ben perched on the couch's armrest and gently rubbed at her neck. The muscles there were exceptionally tense though that wasn't surprising.

"Try to relax, okay? In an hour you'll be reunited with him."

"An hour shouldn't feel this long."

"I know," he told her before kissing the top of her head. "Think about it as a half hour before we leave if you want."

That sounded at least a little bit better to Olivia, but those thirty minutes were still excruciatingly long. She was set and ready to go with ten minutes to spare and wound up anxiously pacing her living room. While she was pacing around Ben silently slipped his coat and shoes on.

"Think you can walk slowly?"

Olivia frowned and looked at him in confusion.

"We can leave now if you're willing to walk slowly."

Understanding struck and her face lit up.

"I am definitely willing to try."

She slipped her hand into his and together they left the apartment to start the trip down to the vet. Ben was purposefully trying to walk as slow as possible in an effort to temper Olivia's urgency. If they moved too quickly and arrived before the vet was open it wouldn't be good. He really wasn't sure if Olivia would be able to handle being that close to Suvi and still not actually with him. Somehow he would have to prevent that from happening, which wouldn't be easy since Olivia wasn't doing a very good job of walking slowly. Ben was more inclined to call her pace a moderate speed walk. Unfortunately simply tugging on her hand when she moved too quickly or got too far ahead wasn't doing the trick.

"Olivia."

She hardly even noticed his call and she definitely didn't slow down any. Ben sighed.

"Olivia!" he said a little sharper as he tugged at her hand. When her head swiveled toward him he continued. "Heel."

A smile slowly tugged at her lips, and she took two steps back to stand at his side just like Suvi would for her at the same command. Ben grinned in triumph and stroked the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Good girl," he teased in the same high pitched tone of voice she sometimes used with Suvi.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him but stayed at his side for the rest of the trip. The moment they walked into the vet's office, however, Ben was hardly even a blip on her radar. Suvi was the only thing on her mind. When Dr. Sparn walked out Olivia nearly jumped over the desk.

"Suvi?" she pleaded, all of her fear and anxiety coming out in that one word.

"He's doing wonderfully aside from missing you. I think we can remedy that pretty quickly though. I'll be right back."

Dr. Sparn vanished down the hallway, and Olivia sucked in a breath. She held it and shifted uneasily from foot to foot. Black spots flickered at the edges of her vision. The instant the door opened and Suvi limped through the world lifted off her shoulders and she could breathe again.

"Suvi," she merely breathed as she dropped to her knees.

Suvi hobbled as fast as he could to reach her and threw himself into her arms as much as a dog with an injured leg could. Olivia wrapped her arms around him in pure relief. Suvi whined and pressed into her as hard as he could. He licked at her neck, and Olivia choked out a sob. She'd missed him so much. With how close Olivia was holding him the only thing visible was his flying tail. Obviously he had missed her as much as she'd missed him.

"It's all okay now, Suvi. We're going home. Together."

Just like it was supposed to be.

And go home they did. For the entire walk back Olivia didn't take her hand out of Suvi's fur. He was perfectly okay with that since he wasn't going to let Olivia get more than a foot away from him either. Ben was content being the third wheel. He could still watch the two of them interact which brought a smile to his face. When they walked into Olivia's apartment Ben headed toward the kitchen.

"I'm going to make a cup of coffee. Do you want some?"

"Sure," Olivia called back from the couch where she was contentedly petting Suvi.

By the time Ben stepped into the living room with a mug in each hand he found Olivia sprawled out across the couch sound asleep. Suvi was splayed out on the floor in front of her with his back actually touching the couch. Ben suspected that if Suvi hadn't still been hurting a bit he would have been up on the couch and basically on top of Olivia. She wasn't the only one that had fallen asleep within moments of them all being home. Apparently Suvi hadn't slept any better without Olivia last night than she had without him.

"Sleep well, guys. It's all good now."