Chapter 17

Natalie's Point of View

I awoke to the dull light of another morning in Forks, Washington. Well, afternoon technically. Then I remembered the previous night. Oh, crap! I was so screwed! I still didn't get how the street race was wrong. After all, for a period of time that was how I made all my money…at least according to my journals. I understand going somewhere without telling anyone…but I honestly didn't think that was a very big deal either. Seriously, my father was acting as if I really, honest to God, didn't know what I was doing. I kind of wanted to yell at him, just a little bit. I had been taking care of myself pretty much since I was born. I mean, I was put into foster homes but all they really do is pay for you to have stuff, they didn't really care about you. I learned how to take care of myself over time…then again maybe he did have a point. NO! I argued with myself. But if I was to face the facts, they all point to his side of the argument. First of all, I didn't remember very much from each life. I remembered really, truly important things, but most of the time, I simply drew a blank. That's why I kept such detailed journals…so I could remember. Plus, I'm not sure if simply surviving is the same as taking care of.

Dang it! I didn't want him to be right! If I was being honest, I wanted to get out of here and live life like nobody's freaking business. I was happy that I had met my father, but I wasn't used to this whole permanent-familia thing. And on top of that, I didn't know if I was going to live this time around. The witch never said anything about what happened after I met my father. And if I wasn't going to wake up again, I wanted to do a lot of things I had either never done or don't remember doing. I wanted to do something stupid and reckless and fun. Which, I had probably done a lot of that throughout my lives, but I wanted to do so much more of it. As stupid as this might sound, I wanted to get drunk on the beach with a bunch of my friends but also help a bunch of old people so I have a shot at getting into heaven. I don't even know what to think! Maybe it was just the fear getting to me, but I felt like I needed to live life more!

If I were to sit here and read all of my old journals, a lot of the things that I keep telling myself I really want to do, I had probably already done…but I was sick of wondering if I had or not. I had read most of them, but that's a lot of books and it takes a while to get through them, so I just started to bookmark the important things, which means I don't even remember all the things I've done!

I really just wanted to lay in bed all day, but before I could come up with a good reason to do just that, there was a knock on my door. "Natalie," my father said "Can I please come in? I know you're awake so please answer me"

Well that sinks plan A. "Sure," I replied grumpily. I really didn't want to talk to him, considering I didn't understand how what I did was wrong.

He walked in while I internally yelled at him to get out because I didn't want to talk to him…he shouldn't be accusing me of anything because I haven't done anything wrong! "Natalie," he sighed, sounding tired and…and old all of the sudden.

"What do you want to say, Carlisle? Because if we're being honest here, I don't really feel like talking right now." Okay, I knew the whole first name thing was kind of a low blow, but I was in the middle of a crisis here and about to be lectured about something that I didn't even care about, really!

His face fell just a little more. And I automatically felt a little bad for calling him Carlisle, but not regretful. I gave up on regret a long time ago. Just think about it…If you only have so much time to make an impression on the world, why regret anything? It's just a waste of time and it's so not going to get you anywhere.

"Well, whether you want to talk or not Natalie, you're going to. Everyone was worried about you before we even left, did you have to add to that worry? Whether you want to admit it or not, what you did was wrong. You aren't old enough to even drive! And on top of that, you left in the middle of the night which can be so dangerous! Do you know what kind of people go out in the middle of the night? Not good ones…that's who. And if that wasn't bad enough, you didn't even tell anyone where you were going!"

Yup, just as I predicted, I did not want to be here. Thanks for making me feel just great dad! It's not like I have anything else to worry about or anything! "So I'm a bad person Dad? Because, whether you want to believe it or not, that's not the first time I've gone out in the middle of the night. And not just in this life, but I'm pretty sure I've probably gone out in every life I've ever had. And guess what? I've gambled too, and on top of that I've been married before…so I don't need you to tell me what I should and shouldn't do because I'm risking my safety. I've never been killed have I? Soooo, I think I'm pretty good as far as knowing what I should and shouldn't do because it's unsafe." I got up to put my shoes on and leave-I was still in my clothes from last night. My hair didn't look half bad either, which surprised me. However, when I walked towards the door, shoes in hand my father was blocking it. "Please move, Dad. If you couldn't tell by the whole shoes in hand walking towards the door…this is the signal for goodbye." I snarkily responded to his outrageous reaction. I'm trying to get some space here, leave me alone!

"No, Natalie, you're not. We need to talk, so we're going to talk." I gave up, I couldn't fight him, he was 20 million times stronger than me. So I sat on the bed with a huge sigh. "Now then," he continued, "I'm sure you can tell, this can go two ways…we can talk openly about what's going on, not only last night, but everything that's going on inside your pretty little head lately…or, we can do this intervention-style. Where the entire family sits you down in the living room and we listen to you scream at us for 20 minutes and just keep giving it back. It's your choice, but either way, you can't get out of telling us what's going on because whether you want to believe me or not, we all love you. And we're honestly worried about you."

I still didn't want to talk. There was no way he could understand, no one could. I was the only one on the planet that had ever faced this dilemma. And I know because I had searched and searched for years. I asked the witch if there was anyone else like me, and she said no. I was alone, forever. I was meant to live and die alone. A fact that I had grown to know and accept about myself. Yes, I had loved people and been married, but it doesn't change anything. I couldn't be with them forever, in fact, my time with them was very limited. I didn't want to talk with fake promises of understanding, because while they could believe and verify what has happened to me, they could never understand. Really and truly get me and what I had gone through.

After contemplating these thoughts silently for a few moments, my father interrupted my train of thought. "Let's just start with something simple. Why did you do it Natalie? Why would you leave and go to a street race in the middle of the night?"

I sighed again; it looks like my silence isn't going to get me out of talking to him. At least this question wasn't a hard one. But when we got into deeper topics, I was out. "I honestly didn't think it mattered, Dad. Or that you guys would care. It's not like I was a normal 15 year old girl taking her sister's car out for a joy ride. I knew what I was doing and I thought you guys knew and trusted me enough to let me live like I have for pretty much my entire life."

"First of all, what did you mean, you didn't think we would care? Of course we care! Look at me," he said, pulling my chin to look at him instead of staring at the pattern on my bed comforter. "None of us would ever want anything to happen to you. We all love and care about you very much"

"You do realize that's what everyone says right? But that's all it is, words coming out of people's mouths. There's no possible way all those sets of foster parents actually meant that, they didn't even really know me. But then I come here and there's a bunch of people telling me that they care. They really do love me and want me to be happy because we're a family." I sneered. The sad part is I was so sure that this is what I wanted! Be careful what you wish for, I thought to myself.

"Why do you say it like that? Just because we're not blood related, means we can't be a family? Because Katie doesn't share your blood and you refer to her as your sister…So you get to change the rules whenever you decide they apply or not? And who ever said that we were like all those foster parents?"

"What makes me think you are like all the other foster families? Hah!" I laughed "Because you are! If you were all human, you would be exactly like a foster family. A loving husband and wife with a bunch of kids that aren't theirs living under the roof, Feeling so close to them when they are still dealing with tragedies that landed them into this place to begin with. Whether you like the idea or not, you are just like all those other homes. I'm not saying that I don't want to be here, or I regret being here, I just can't stand the thought of someone other than me controlling any tiny aspect of my life. Because that's always been MY decision and not anyone else's. Maybe it is a flaw of mine, but it's not going to change. I'm too used to it by now to change."

"Natalie, I never said that you couldn't make your own decisions. I'm just trying to make sure I don't leave for the weekend and come back to find my daughter dead. And I'm sorry you had to live so long making your own decisions without any guidance, but I would like to believe that if you really had been taking care of yourself for so long now you would be able to realize that there are consequences to your actions and you should not run around doing a ton of reckless things because one day it will catch up to you."

Rebellion burned in my throat. So what if actions had consequences. Again, I was never killed by anything reckless I've ever done anyway. And who was he to talk anyways? He did 'dangerous' stuff all the time! "Fine, Dad! I'm so very sorry for making you all worried and I plead for my forgiveness your royal majesty!" I said sarcastically…said and instantly regretted.

His eyes became just a half shade darker, but I could tell that I might have overstepped my boundaries…just a little bit. "Natalie! Why do you always have to push things just a little too far! Why do you insist on being the best at everything and refuse to let anyone have their own niche? Why do you have to have the last word? And why do you always have to have a snappy little sarcastic comment when it was neither requested nor enjoyed!"

That shut me up.

"Now, he continued. I love you, but I refuse to let being a beautiful and talented young girl go to your head. We were having a discussion and a very important one at that. So when I ask you a question, I need to answer it calmly and seriously with a nothing but truthful answer, am I clear?" He said the entire speech with an eerie calm that worried me more than if he had been screaming the words. How did he do that? I wanted to go hide in my closet to get out of this!

I couldn't think of what to say, so I just nodded my head. "Since this conversation has taken a turn for the worse, I want to know what happened to you. You used to be so kind and lovely to everyone and while you haven't been rude, you have a shorter temper and you never go to sleep when you say you are. You have become ruder to me when provoked. What's bothering you so much?" I was surprised that the speech had more of a worried tone to it, I was expecting more anger, but I wasn't complaining.

"I'm just stressed, Dad. That's all" I tried to convince him. I really didn't want to get into this whole thing now. If anything, I just wanted to roll into a ball and cry.

"Stressed about what?" he pushed.

"Dad, I realize you care and don't want me to die and all, but trust me…talking about it wouldn't help anything. If it did anything at all, it would probably just make me cry and you could not understand anything I said anyways."

Concern continued to grace his features. "If it's so bad it's going to make you cry, then you need to talk about it."

"It's a stupid fear anyway…" I mumbled. Unfortunately for me, my father was a vampire.

"Fear?" He did it! Picked out the key word to this entire thing.

"Well, yeah! You would probably be afraid if your life was ticking down and you didn't know what was going to happen!"

"What are you talking about, Natalie?"

"Just think about it Dad! The crazy old witch promised that I would live like this until I found you…well, I found you. No one knows anything about the results because no one's life has been lived like this! I'm happy to have met you, but afraid of what might be the result!" I hurried out in one breath.

"Oh…" was all he could respond. Yup, I had done it, I had been the bearer of bad news and gotten the big deal across to my father. Woo hoo! I thought sarcastically, I'm gonna diiiiiieee!

A/N: So what do y'all think! Again, sorry my internet isn't working or this would be put online faster but anyways…I wanted Natalie to act a little bit more like a teenager for a little bit. Plus I'm in a bad mood so it's easier to write for a character like this…ANYWAYS…I really, really, really want some more reviews… so if I could get like, 5-I would be a super happy writer(: