Alexis was beautiful even in grief. Her longer auburn hair, the familiar paleness of her skin, the scent of her flesh and the unique articulation of her spoken words. She dressed differently now. A mixture of Vildan/human attire that was made of lighter materials, obviously required for the hotter planet of Renth.
Thundercracker observed her carefully. Stayed away from her during their travel to The Line, but forced to be near her on their trip aboard the smaller human shuttle. He distressed her. TC saw that, and not just because he took on the form of Timothy again. He could have found gratification in his ability to affect her so, if not for the distaste of it all.
Alexis was volatile in her sorrow. Sensitive in the death of her husband. The stress of her circumstances affected him as he watched Alexis deal with her misfortune.
She meant more to him than anyone ever had. Alexis had become a personification of a hope he didn't even know existed that would eventually alter him with its unattainability. Being near her again brought a strain upon his spark that validated his invariable feelings and shamed him by the pleasure it brought with its keen vibrations.
Alexis hadn't grieved properly, not that he was familiar with such a procedure, but he knew enough that she was still coping with her new circumstances of loss. That was why he kept watch over her and why he didn't argue when she changed her mind about coming with them. That and the avarice that came from wanting to be near the human no matter where or what circumstances.
Alexis hadn't done much though since their weeks on board The Line's ship. The three working together, or actually, he and Sideswipe since she was indisposed, aggravated him. He had his doubts from the very start. And being forced to cooperate with the vexatious Autobot tried the patience of the Seeker. Worse than that though, was sharing quarters with the Autobot. Not as bad as living with Skywarp all those mega-cycles ago, but still an insult, an indignity that violated his preferred solitude.
Fortunately he was used to and capable of dealing with undesirable events, even more capable of handling unwanted company.
Thundercracker had his duty. And whether he believed himself a part of the Decepticons or not, he was still a Cybertronian. TC would not allow the misdeeds of The Line to continue.
He was reassured when Alexis started to leave her quarters. When she started talking to May, a female who was in a position of authority with The Line, Thundercracker warned her to be careful. May was obviously weighing and measuring Alexis' intent, using her grief as she tried to manipulate and coerce the exposed vulnerability.
But apparently Alexis was not the only who held May's attention. He knew that the moment the female appeared in the landing bay, ordering the soldiers to back away from Alexis before she approached and delicately persuaded Alexis to remove the clip from her gun. She had been watching them, no him, before she intervened, and when she came closer there was no mistaking the change in her pupils, the rate of her heart, the way she kept trying to catch his eyes with her own.
The female was tenacious. And as the disguised Seeker tried to blend in and find out about The Line, she pursued him with a directness that even he could respect.
"Were you and Alexis lovers before her husband?"
This wasn't the first time he had been in the female's quarters. But it was the first time they were alone, the first time that she prepared him lunch, sitting close and watching him carefully. The petite female was dressed to please, wore a scent that wafted through the air and was meant to entice. He knew seduction when he saw it, just not from a human before.
"She just lost her husband. That question is inappropriate and vulgar," he replied evenly, his tone biting. She had asked personal questions before, but not like these. Something felt off.
May flinched and had the decency to blush, but that didn't stop her from continuing or from scooting closer, "After then? Or her and Seth?" she inquired after the disguised Autobot, her brightly colored lips complimenting the undertones of her golden skin.
He didn't validate her impertinent questions with a reply.
She squinted her eyes at him. "I am just trying to figure out why two obviously capable and single-minded men would accompany Alexis here."
"I already told you."
"Friends, right. Fine." She actually stuttered with the force of his tone, one that had her squirming beside him.
She gulped loudly and boldly continued anyway, "How long were you in the Air Force before the Decepticons arrived?"
"Again, I already told you. If you have just brought me here to ask repetitive questions, I will take my leave."
TC had uncommon patience for someone with his complicated background. But it wasn't a lack of patience that made him want to get out of there, but the way the female kept drawing her eyes up and down his form, hovering in places that Alexis had never dared. He could have been flattered by the human's interest in him if it didn't make him think about Alexandra behaving in such a wanton manner, which forced an uncomfortable rousing state upon his easily reactive human flesh.
"Wait." May grabbed to his elbow, took a deep breath and spoke softly, "I'm lonely. You're lonely. I see it in your eyes." She shifted closer, her hand remaining on him before boldly sliding to his upper thigh. His eyes followed the movement of her touch, sharpening. She smartly pulled her hand back. "My husband and I, it was an arranged marriage, and while he was the best friend I ever had, there was no attraction between us, not like this. I won't take any more than you are willing to give."
"And what exactly do you intend to take from me?"
Her eyes drifted from his toes, following a slow path up and along his lean body.
"Perhaps I should say, offer. I am offering myself to you."
TC laughed at the absurdity of her words. "Are you The Line's whore? Is this another tactic in trying to figure out my motivation?"
He might have interpreted it all wrong. Brown eyes narrowing, the small female stood to her feet. When she spoke, her tone was acidic and riled and brittle, "I've been forced to do worse under the Decepticons, done far more terrible things than that to ensure that I continue to live. But this, this I was doing for myself." She frowned, her mouth shifting into a flat line. "Who are you to try to demean me? You need to leave. Now." She pointed to her door.
He didn't wait for her to change her mind. And clearly saw the disappointment on May's face that he didn't tried to change hers.
"We captured him near Renth," May spoke softly, soothingly, her hand placed on Alexis' arm. TC and Alexis had been invited to join May for a more intimate tour of the ship. Sideswipe had been invited as well, but he finally had an opportunity to breech The Line's digital security wall, and it was not a chance that either could let slide.
They had been led to an area that Thundercracker didn't even know existed, stopping inside a modified cargo hold. A group had been waiting for them, spectators to watch. And chained to his knees, a Decepticon watched them with beady optics. A ladder had been placed in front of the Con, conveniently placed near a vital part of his body. By the looks of it the Decepticon had already been tortured and wasn't that far from the end.
"He admitted to setting traps there. It was he, Alexis, that killed your husband," May informed Alexis, malice turning what had been a tolerable voice into something grim and unpleasant.
"No," Alexis argued, her tone quaking. "They were captured, were sent to the Autobots to be punished."
"We intercepted that ship." May shrugged her shoulders in a mockery of humility, sparing a heavy glance at Thundercracker before proceeding, "And when we found out what role he served on Renth, well, I made sure he was saved for you. He took your husband away from you. He deserves to die." She raged, an accusing finger pointing at the incapacitated Deception. May put a long sharp knife in Alexis' hand and led them up the ramp. "We've done most the work. Just cut through the remaining coils." She made a gesture toward the Con's exposed chassis. "And he will pay for all he has done. The relief, Alexis, the closure..." May's eyes shimmered with tears, her composure rigid with expectation.
Alexis gripped the blade. Already, TC had calculated three different ways to exit the room, all which included fatalities, especially since a quarter of the humans there were disguised soldiers. All which would have been easier if he had a weapon. If necessary, he would expose exactly who he was in order to ensure that Alexis lived. His skin already itched as he prepared for confrontation, weapons forming in the shallowness of his flesh.
So when Alexis took a step closer, one with intent and purpose, her hand lifted and the blade steady, he knew that he had dangerously miscalculated her reaction. Not until that moment did TC believe Alexis capable of ending another life.
Murder would change her, taint her, pollute her morality and ultimately, when she realized what she had allowed herself to do, deepen her suffering. Alexis wasn't in her right mind, wasn't who he knew her to be.
That was why he took the blade from her hand, pushed her back and ended the Con with one precise swipe of the weapon. Energon gushed out and flowed thickly, the Con terminated, the designated task done. Grabbing hold of Alexis, he pushed past the far too pleased May and led her far away.
"You are covered in blood."
"It's not blood. It's Energon."
"Yes, of course." She nodded her head slowly.
Alexis was far too composed, her words too calm. He had led her to her cot earlier, and it had taken her exactly forty-three minutes before she even acknowledged that he was there, another three before she spoke to him.
"I almost killed someone," Alexis told him, as if speaking what she had almost done made it more true.
"Yes."
Green eyes flicked upward and caught his own.
"You..."
"I did."
Her gaze faltered. She clenched her fingers in her palm, exhaled shakily.
"Was that some sort of test?"
"Probably."
She shook her head. Her eyes traveled along his clothes, her mouth pressing tightly together in her observation of his appearance.
"You're covered in blood," she repeated again, this time her attention drifting toward his soiled shirt.
"As you..."
The words faded away when she grabbed hold of his arm, got to her feet and led him to her bathroom. Alexis turned the shower on, tugged on his arm and pushed him under the warm spray of water. She joined him, possessed with the purpose of cleaning his shirt off of the Energon. She scrubbed at him with fingers and then a sponge, the familiarity of the circumstances not going unnoticed by Thundercracker. He expertly buried the hardly forgotten memories away.
"Thank you," Alexis suddenly said, the hoarseness of her words a warning of her fragility.
She teetered and fell. Thundercracker went along with her to prevent injury. Alexis fell apart. Clinging to him, she began to sob.
It had been a long time since she held him like this, or needed him for anything. But TC knew she wasn't crying because of what she almost did, but because she was thinking of her husband. Abhorred at the idea of holding her while she thought and grieved over another, he tried to extricate himself from her grip. His body wouldn't budge.
She spoke against the collar of his shirt, nonsensical words that sounded birthed from delirium. His hand finding it's way behind her neck, he felt the coolness of her skin, an unnatural chill winding up his arm. It wasn't until she buried her head against his chest that he was able to maneuver enough to turn the hot spray of water off.
Curling back against him, he felt the coolness of her breath seep through his shirt and flutter against his upper arm. Alexis stopped crying and for the next hour neither one of them moved.
Their clothes still damp, Thundercracker felt far more than was appropriate of Alexis' chilled body against his chest. He would always want her, that was never in question. What was though was his treacherous body responding to Alexis at such a time. But she was entirely pliant against his body, her small form seeking protection in the hard planes of his body. Something that obviously appealed to him at some level, for the tightening in his chest was beginning to shift much lower.
Alexis suddenly tilted her face up, bending toward him as she looked at TC as if seeing him for the first time.
He wanted to kiss her then. Wanted to do much more, give her a comfort that could have been far more beneficial than just holding her. Alexis might even have let him. But the circumstances, the things that had remained unsaid between them... the vulnerability in her eyes...
He got up. She moved into a sitting position, shivering as she watched him get a towel and wrap it around her. He pulled Alexis to her feet. He had to hold onto Alexis' hand as he led her back to the cot, and once more he noticed the chill of her skin, the coldness that seeped out of her pores and attacked his own.
Thundercracker didn't mean to, but his scanners slid down her form, confirming things that he had began to suspect with her body pressed so close to his own.
His mind went numb.
TC stayed with her after she changed into dry clothes, determined to remain until Alexis drifted off from exhaustion. She didn't though, only sat on the bed with her gaze shifting around the room she was in, confusion settling on her brow that tugged at his pseudo heart.
He couldn't stop the sudden inclination to speak. "I never told you why I became Timothy." The Seeker breathed out heavily, taking a moment to watch and study her. The need to finish what he started saying came from a tangible discomfort that had been with him for far too long. "I didn't do that to hurt you, deceive you, use you or even to find the other humans. I did it because of me. Because having you in my life, no, because not having you in my life was incomprehensible. Because keeping you safe was all the mattered."
He wanted to tell her the rest of the truth, the feelings she had awakened in him, the longing he felt, the despair.
"I deeply regret that I added such distress to your life from my deception. But know that my affection for you was never part of the... duplicity, but the truth behind it all."
The only place Thundercracker felt comfortable on the Relentless was the landing bay. He had spent countless hours there already. Fingers wrapped around the upper railing, he stared at the familiar shapes of the Deception ships below. He ignored the ones that had been gutted, ignored the humans that sometimes wandered on the bottom deck.
"I understand."
At the sound of her voice, his fingers gripped the railing painfully tight. Alexis walked up beside him and leaned against the railing.
She never acknowledged what he had said that morning. And now, with her purposely seeking him out to confirm his confession, the Seeker felt his heart quicken with dreadful anticipation.
"And there is something you should know as well, TC."
That was the only way she ever addressed him. Never Timothy, most certainly not Thundercracker, but always TC, as if a balance to who he was to her. The easy little utterance still managed to unsettle him with the line it drew between them.
"I..." Alexis swallowed hard. "I forgive you." Her voice was soft and her words shocked him entirely. She had always been compassionate and far too kind, but this, he never expected this. Thundercracker looked at her, searching for what, he didn't know. But astoundingly, she was far from through. "You helped me in more ways than I could ever name. You found my brother, saved my life, you kept me alive. You even led me to the Autobots, while wasn't a complete success, was a safe haven." She cringed. Shame coated her next words and formed shadows in her eyes. "And just yesterday you prevented a very terrible thing. Did something for me that you never should have had to. Something that no normal Decepticon would have guided me through."
The subtle strain in her words hinted at things unsaid. She still needed time. Just because she understood his actions, did not mean she agreed with them. They were not enemies, but they were not friends. And what he had done to her planet, to her species, to everything she once knew, she...
"TC?"
Something foreign was occurring within as if a part of him had just been unshackled and set free. Another oddity was occurring in his suddenly hazy eyes. TC shut down the malfunction in his meibomian glands, once more cursing the weakness of his human emotional responses.
He failed in his response time though. TC knew that not from the strangeness that wet his cheeks, but from the lightness of Alexis' fingers drifting along his shoulder, offering him solace when he deserved none.
He felt stunned and unfamiliarly shamed. Emotions fought for dominance inside him, some let loose for the first time. He'd never felt so much, never felt such a sentimental flux that overtook and overwhelmed him.
Sadness drifted through Alexis' eyes as she silently observed him, a curiousness making her mouth press together, her head to tilt to the side. But she didn't press him further. Alexis took one more long look at him before she left TC where she had found him. Leaving him to thoughts that were rabid and unyielding. The feel of sweaty palms against hard steel. The instability in his balance, the returning blur of his gaze. And an inexorable conclusion that left him with the unforgiving reality of truth.
He collected and contained himself. His emotions were subdued, his human response protocols upgraded. Alexis made him vulnerable. She corrupted his core programming. She made him question and feel things that were illogical and disruptive.
The same qualities that drew him to her.
Far beyond an infatuation, long past obsessed; Thundercracker now knew it was too late. The alteration he had predicated had already taken place. And the fickled, contemptible hope, it was as unattainable as its source.