Chapter 19
"He'll be fine with some rest," the doctor spoke as he exited the boys room. Now currently off limits due to Len's condition. Though they were delinquents, everyone patiently waited outside. Showing courtesy and respect. Traits that were rare among them other than delinquent honour.
"What do you mean he'll be fine with just rest!?" Miku screamed, Luka stood and held her shoulders trying to calm her down. Possibly keep her from attacking the doctor for no reason. Everyone was no doubt restless about Len. Miku was just the only one so far outright showing her restlessness.
The doctor cleared his throat and stared at Miku.
"Consider it a miracle that he's even still alive after what he's endured. Those wounds weren't mediocre miss. I'm shocked he was able to go for so long before he collapsed. Any normal boy would have passed out after returning just you here, let alone still be walking from such injuries."
"I told him you know! That he shouldn't have gone back out there! He was already injured! I was so worried. I told him-"
"You didn't tell him anything!" Mikuo shouted, cutting Miku off. He looked around at the group. Face to face, person to person. "None of us did..."
The surreal silence returned between all of them. Mikuo's words sunk in. Each syllable engraved itself into their minds. He could only pray it soaked into their conscience
"Len took off too fast for us to get a word in, any of us. He was the first person to realize Rin was still out there while we'd blindly forgotten her. What he did...was heroic."
"Len would definitely sock you if he heard you saying that," Kaito interrupted, scratching his head. "Besides, Luka was the one so happy to have her oh so precious Miku that she called off the search."
"I called off the search because I thought there was nothing left to find. If Mikuo hadn't told me to come back I would've been out there looking just like Len." Luka corrected, defending against the attack on her judgement and dignity. She released Miku and stood over Kaito.
"Oh please, nobody would've looked just like Len. All you cared about was Miku," Kaito continued to argue.
"Well, you were so worried about Rin in the beginning. What's your excuse for forgetting her?" Kaito cringed, Luka huffed and flipped hair over her shoulder. "Exactly."
"Could we not fight amongst ourselves?" Mikuo asked, sighing. The annoyance was clear in his tone. He used two fingers to massage the bridge of his nose, then turned to face the doctor.
"I apologize, please just tell me the details. I'm probably the most rational one you can talk to here." The doctor nodded and scanned over his clipboard.
"Like I said, he'll be fine with rest. I've cleaned and tended to his wounds. I also took the liberty of giving him a sedative so he'll be able to sleep longer without being interrupted." The doctor glanced at the group behind Mikuo. "Still it baffles me how he didn't succumb to hypothermia. His body temperatures were surprisingly normal considering he was out in the rain for that long period of a time. Boy is something else I'll tell ya." The doctor chuckled a little, however he stopped when nobody else in the room joined him. "That Rin girl should be waking up soon. Seems like they were both exhausted, however nothing's wrong with her."
"Is there a bill?" Mikuo asked, straight to the point.
"Me, bill friends of the Megurine's? No, certainly not. They've done a lot for me. Consider it a freebie." Mikuo smiled and shook hands with the doctor, before he saw him out.
He let out a long exaggerated sigh gripping the door handle. He looked up and turned to face everyone else.
"Well, Len's alright," Mikuo said, smiling.
"Yeah that's all I drew from that conversation," Kaito laughed. "The hell is hypothermia? I could never become a doctor."
"Glad you notice your own mental incompetence," Luka uttered, before plopping down on the couch. She kicked Kaito off onto the floor.
"An, 'excuse me can you move?' Would've been nice," Kaito said, rubbing his side. Mikuo stepped between them. Stopping a potential, and very short, cat-fight.
"So Len's okay? When can I see him?" Miku interrupted. Still anxious as she'd been before, just slightly more calm now that she knew his condition.
"You can't," Teto finally spoke up. Saying what Mikuo had heard from the doctor. "He needs rest. Meanwhile why don't you make him some cookies? I'm sure he'd love something to snack on once he wakes up." Miku blushed.
"As if I'd ever make him anything to eat. Len is perfectly capable of feeding himself, that idiot." Miku left the group and entered the kitchen, Luka got up and went after her.
"Man, this blows, Len gets hurt he gets cookies. I get hurt, I get beat some more," Kaito sighed. "Must be great to be him."
"How can you even come up with that?" Mikuo asked, eyeing Kaito like he was on drugs. No sane mind could possibly think of positives to Len's condition except the fact that he was alive.
"Well, think of it like this. Len had two ladies on his back. I mean, living the dream right there! Just holding onto him, all pressed up against-"
"Okay, I don't wanna hear the rest of that," Mikuo cut in, shuddering. He turned and threw open the door, entering the hallway. "I'm gonna go roam the hotel." Kaito got up and went after him.
"Come on man, you totally wanna know the rest of it. You're male, you can't help it." Kaito said arching an eyebrow. Mikuo shook his head.
"Unlike you, I'm not a pervert."
"You mean not completely," Kaito corrected.
"Get away from me!" Mikuo shouted, beginning to walk away from Kaito.
"Wait that's not it! He also got serious brownie points with all the girls, that you can't deny!" Kaito hollered, chasing after Mikuo.
Teto sighed, being the last one in the room. Both boys hadn't even bothered to close the door. She got up and closed it. Hearing the electronical lock kick in behind her.
"Teto?" A voice called. A deceivingly harmless voice, but she knew better. She was much wiser than that. Teto smiled and turned around.
"Yes, Rin?" Teto answered. She was only peeking out slightly from behind the girls room door.
"Can I talk to you for a second?" Rin blushed slightly, feeling nervous about what she was going to ask. But she needed to know. It was too risky to ask any of the others, Teto was the only one she could ask. Unlike Miku and Luka, she was a reliable source of information about herself. The only one she could ask and not be treated differently afterwards.
"Sure, come, we can sit on the couch." Rin shook her head and motioned Teto over towards her. Teto walked over and stopped before the door. Rin took Teto's hand and brought her inside the room. Teto took a seat on the bed, and after locking the door Rin joined her. Rin cleared her throat before speaking.
"Teto...could you possibly, tell me what love is?" Rin felt Teto staring at her, possibly questionably.
However she couldn't not ask the question. Ever since she'd gotten back with Len, it was hard to face him. Even the thought of him caused her heart to beat rapidly. She was filled with this odd sensation. Sometimes it was painful, other times it was splendid.
Something about herself or him must have changed to make her feel this way. This uneasiness mixed with feelings of warmth.
She'd never felt like this before regarding Len or anyone. At least she couldn't remember such details. Her other self had not allowed her to travel deep into her own mind. She got as far as questioning and analyzing her own thoughts before she hit the barrier.
She'd fought with herself before she'd utterly lost the battle. Whatever past she'd had wasn't coming back, at least not to her knowledge, any time soon.
All she knew was that her past was something filled with pain. A past stuffed with extreme sadness and endless violence. Violence he'd caused, violence she'dcaused for him and herself. Exactly who he was, those details she couldn't remember. Still, he was the most significant figure in her past.
There had been others, she was sure a great countless many people had helped her. People she'd known. That was all she could assume, but none held a mark like the man.
"Why do you want to know about something like that?" Teto asked. Rin twiddled her thumbs for a while. Wondering if it would be wise to tell Teto everything.
Rin had never really spilled anything about herself or what she felt. Mostly because she felt like a ticking time bomb. She never really knew when her other self might over power her. She could feel the attack coming but it was an entirely different thing to stop it. She yearned to take control, to destroy. Rin didn't want to and that's what upset her other self.
She'd felt something before in that cave before Len had found her. An emptiness, almost a hunger, but she'd ignored it. Or more so, trained herself to ignore it. As well as things she need not pay attention to. However she couldn't deny that for a few seconds she'd felt empty, like completely nothing.
Another reason was well, she didn't really know much about herself until now. Even now she wasn't an expert, but she wasn't exactly dying to be one.
She did want information about herself, there was no doubt to that. As much information as she could get actually. It would be better if it came in small pieces she could handle, instead of all at once.
She couldn't really explain it well. However to the simplest terms, she wanted to know who she was. She wanted to know everything there ever was to know about herself so she could live. Enjoying living everyday with Len to the fullest.
However, in the same sense; did she want to know? Could she live and still be the same after learning everything? Or would she regret it and no longer have the will to fight. Giving her other self full control.
Rin wanted to know yet, was also scared to find out. Bits of truth were better. Better to know everything in pieces than to take it all in at once
She'd probably end up prying more tonight. Further into things. Further into herself. Pushing herself to the limit and hopefully, if she was lucky, end up coming back again.
Finding out what love meant had to be the first step in the direction she wanted to go. The word had came to Rin and bothered her in her sleep. It had drifted around and clung to her. A trail of questions had followed.
What did it mean? Why was it so important? What did it have to do with her or anything about her? Her dream had moved at a fast pace after that.
Images and thoughts of Len had flooded her mind. She'd found herself wandering through them. Heart racing, pulse unsteady. Each step shakier than the last.
It hadn't been fear or any emotion of that sort. It had been something else. An emotion much different than those she'd felt before.
He'd been walking ahead of her, farther and farther. She'd tried running but she'd always been behind him. Pain had struck her and panic had followed. Rin had ran harder. Trying to get beside him. Needing to be beside him.
Pain had hit her harder, pain similar to the emotional pain she'd felt in the cave. Rin had done nothing but chase after him and Len hadn't glanced back. He'd kept going and going. Only a small red thread had kept her from losing him.
A thread she hadn't seen on her pinkie until she'd fallen. That's when he'd stopped. Len had walked back towards her and helped her up. Called her foolish and a klutz for falling. He'd suddenly hugged her and that's when the dream had ended.
Rin settled a hand over her chest; directly over her heart. Even now just the recollection of the dream made her heart beat much quicker, with much more force. The intensity of it all...
"Rin?" Teto's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"S-Sorry...I was just thinking of some things." Rin's face felt warm, she patted both her cheeks.
"Yeah I could tell," Teto laughed. "You were kinda in a trance there." Rin nodded.
"Anyway Teto, I really need you to answer my question. It's really important for me to know."
"About love? May I ask why?"
"It's a little better for me if you don't...there's no particular reason. I just...wanted your take on it."
"My take on it?" Teto repeated. She stared out the window into the night sky. It had finally stopped raining hours ago.
A sky void of moonlight and stars. A dark night that was opaque. Rin also stared out the window. Wondering what was so interesting about the pitch darkness. She couldn't help but wonder what Teto felt about it. If somehow she found beauty in it.
"I feel, that love can't be defined by just one word. By any words at all really...I guess it's wanting to be with the person you cherish the most. Not wanting them to leave your side. Sharing good and bad...just working through it. Still selfishly being in love despite what others think. Wanting to see that person always smiling, protecting that person. When you're not with that person or they're with someone else, it's painful..." Teto's voice trailed, and she was silent for a few seconds. Then she continued. "You'll want them to return your feelings and it'll be painful if they don't. You want them to notice you and only you..."
Rin crossed the room to the door.
"I get it. Sort of...love is confusing," Rin said, smiling brightly at Teto. Teto didn't smile back. The look on her face seemed somewhat broken. Full of sadness, it was just for a second but seething anger seemed to leak through her gaze.
Rin shook her head. It must have been her imagination. Teto who was so kind couldn't have a reason to be angry. However, the look of sadness didn't fade.
"Love is confusing Rin," Teto said. Rin tilted her head to the side.
"That's what I said."
"It's confusing..." Teto repeated the words. Turning back to the window. "It's the best and worst part of a person. Love is as bad as it is good. It goes both ways. Love makes you do crazy things..."
"I don't quite understand that bit...but thanks Teto." Rin thanked, Teto didn't move.
"Have you ever had something taken from you Rin?" Teto asked. Rin stared quizzically at her.
"Nothing in particular."
"I see...," Teto nodded and continued to stare out the window. Rin grabbed the doorknob and swung the door wide open.
"Bye, Teto."
What was out there that was so interesting to her? Rin didn't know, she hadn't seen anything worth while out the window herself. However, everyone had their views. Maybe Teto's happened to be a more artistic one; Rin left the room.
When you're not with that person or they're with someone else, it's painful. You'll want them to return your feelings and it'll be painful if they don't. You want them to notice you...
That bit of their conversation replayed itself in Rin's mind repeatedly. Forcing its meaning. Rin passed by the kitchen and the front door. She entered the boys room and closed the door behind her.
Two beds away in the farthest corner, was Len. He slept peacefully in his bed, recovering from injuries. Injuries Miku had indirectly caused and Rin had worsened. He'd gone out there in search of her, even though he'd already been hurt and knew just how hurt he was. Rin walked over and sat on the bed.
It pained her to see Len in such a condition. Yet, she couldn't help but feel happy that he'd done such a reckless thing for her. A great deal of things went through Rin's mind at that moment.
How had Len felt when she hadn't been there? Had he been worried? Afraid? Finally her thoughts settled. Had it been painful?
Rin gazed down at Len. Wondering what he was thinking. What he was dreaming. How he considered the situation. She noticed how his hair was down, different from how he usually wore it. He looked...a lot more handsome. Rin blushed and turned away, it didn't last long, as seconds after she turned back around.
He looked somehow, like even more of a delinquent with his hair down, messy, and fringe hanging down over his forehead. His even more defining features stuck out now. Rin lightly brushed a few strands away from his face with the tips of her fingers. Momentarily she wished her power had been that of reading minds, just like...like who?
Rin closed her eyes and turned around. She watched the door and then glanced back at Len.
He'd at least cared for her enough to hurt himself. Enough to endure pain and possibly torture of his own injuries. Enough to trudge through muddy ground, icy rain, and sharp plants. In a literal sense it had been painful, very much so.
But had it been a loss for him not to have her? For her to suddenly not be by his side? Had he felt that kind of pain like she had? Had it been love or possibly feelings of the like? Rin's heart pounded and she found herself wanting to be closer to Len.
Then again, maybe it had been Len just being concerned for her safety. It probably didn't matter to him who she liked. Recalling how Miku had given the word love an alternative before.
Love was confusing, but definitely intended to be joyous. Yet it felt so...painful to even consider Len, possibly, not liking her back. Rin got off the bed and walked over to the door.
Such selfishness, she was in no position to even want such a thing. Not with whatever horrific things she'd done before all this. Things she knew nothing about anymore. However Rin found herself back on Len's bed, sitting next to him.
Len was essential. Essential to everything about her and all that was to ever be about her. He'd taken her in and cared for her. Truly cared for her like she was sure so many people hadn't.
It'd be impossible to just go. To leave Len's side in this state. Len was as essential as air, food and water. Apart of everything. Subconsciously, Rin found herself getting closer and closer to Len.
It's okay to want something or someone right? Okay to love a person even if they're nothing like you. Even if they don't know anything about the things you've done in the past. Horrible things...
If you love someone, you should be allowed to love that person with all your heart, yes? Even if you yourself, aren't a good person. That's all Rin felt. What she allowed herself to feel.
Len's existence kept her own in balance. Kept her from changing, kept her on the road of who she wanted to be. Len, kept her alive. Len had allowed her to live another life.
She felt as if she'd in return, given him almost nothing. However, he didn't seem to care. It was Len. Len who would possibly never be capable of such feelings as love towards her...even still, she wanted to be by his side and nowhere else. It was obvious that she loved him. If Len never felt the same way, she'd just have to accept it.
Rin stopped only an inch away from Len's face. She could feel his warm breath on her face. Steady, even, relaxed, and sleeping.
"You've done a lot for me Len," Rin began. Her face blushing slightly, voice a whisper and hands shaky. "I've gotten a lot from you...but just this once, let me take one more thing..."
Rin closed the remaining distance. Placing a very soft, and light kiss on Len's lips.
Ririkuto: So I was a little stuck on the end of this chapter. I had the ending you just read and then another one where instead Rin says basically the same thing but instead she says.
"You've done a lot for me Len," Rin began. Her face blushing slightly, voice a whisper and hands shaky. "I've gotten a lot from you...but this time, allow me to give you something."
I went with my original idea anyway. I don't know why, I just liked it more. Review me your thoughts, I'd love to hear them. By the way, just so everyone knows, LoliDolly does come out every second Tuesday. Unless I get sick or have writers block it'll usually be up.