Chapter 24
Rin knew this was a dream, a memory that her conscience was allowing her to remember. It had been real at some point and truly had happened. The event was already over, long forgotten in the past. Unfortunately, that didn't make it any less vivid or any less painful to recall.
All Rin's memories so far had returned to her in fragments. However the gritty details they held, came to no end. All the things she'd done, all the crimes she'd committed. The endless sins against nature and beings of all kinds. She'd atone for them one day. Such punishment would be mandatory for her. At least that's how Rin felt.
Saying that she never knew what to expect from her memories was a lie. She knew what they were centered around. Back then she'd only had one thing in mind; destructive obedience. That aspect alone terrified her. She'd been told to do things and had listened.
Here Rin stood again in the darkness. Light spiderwebbed across the dark surface like an amethyst gem. She pressed her hands lightly against it, feeling it part like water beneath her fingertips. It rippled in the shallow light smooth as silk, while the warmth of it traveled up her fingers. It sent waves of dizziness through her.
She knew a memory lay just beneath it. All she had to do was step in. But to venture so far into her mind again...part of her wanted not to do so this soon. Yet how else could she figure out who she was?
There wasn't exactly a time limit of any sort on her memories. The images just jutted to a stop. Not once yet had they rolled on longer than needed. The block inside her mind was cutting the image in two.
Gathering what courage she could, Rin stepped forward. She thought maybe she'd gone blind and shielded her eyes from the searing sunlight.
Looking again, tall leaves of grass brushed against her skin. If her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, she was shorter and much younger than any of the memories she'd witnessed before.
The sun was bright and dazzling. Its light expanded its reaches and touched the tips of wild flowers and crystalized the tops of rivers. It glided across the grassy plains that stretched on for miles in seemingly every direction.
Rin walked across the grass. Her white dress ruffled in the wind but it wasn't particularly cold. She was heading off to meet someone. Exactly who, Rin couldn't place. But by the jittery feelings she felt, somehow she knew it was someone of great importance to her.
She pushed her way past the tall grass plains onto fresher grass. It had just been cut as the smell of it still lingered in the air.
Not too far off in the distance stood a woman. Her long blonde hair glinted in the sun like liquid gold. Yet the way it blew in the breeze so lightly made her seem so delicate. So fragile.
She wore a bright white dress covered by a blue shawl. Her hat was basket woven. The woman was tall and remarkably beautiful.
When Rin stepped forward the woman turned, glanced at her and waved. Something about seeing her sent a calm through Rin. She couldn't recall who the woman was but Rin waved back anyway. Feeling abnormally connected to her.
"Rin, I have something for you," the woman called. She motioned Rin over to her. Rin felt a smile grace her face as she ran towards the woman.
"Mom."
Rin paused for a second and watched as her mother waited for her. She stood there frozen in place. Tears slipped down Rin's cheeks. This woman, this delicate beauty, was her mother.
In a way she felt blessed. She could see her mother, remember her, hug her, smell her scent. The memory was breathtaking, the field and all the nature that surrounded it. It was as if even the world was celebrating this reunion.
But it was only a memory. The second she woke up or reached her mother the dream would burst, burn and fade. Leaving Rin feeling emptier and more alone than usual. She didn't want the dream to end. She didn't want it to replay and disappear taking her mother with it.
She hadn't realized it at first but the realization was sudden. Her mother was still standing there with open arms. However she looked worried and walked her way over to Rin. It was as if she could see the current her.
The softness of her mothers hand on her cheek was unreal and Rin twined her fingers with her mothers. Sharing her warmth. She wondered if her mother was where everyone was telling her to go back too. She began missing the motherly touch already. A sudden sense of loneliness struck her heart.
"Rin, what's wrong?" her mother asked. The concern she heard in her mothers voice was refreshing and tears continued to stream down her cheeks. Whether they were tears of joy or sadness was unplaceable. Warm fingers lifted her chin and Rin locked eyes with her mother.
Even her mothers eyes were ravishing. The same blinding shade of blue like her own.
"This isn't real anymore is it?" Rin asked. She dreaded the answer. The answer that would break her more than she already was. If her mother wasn't real anymore, how could she deal with it? "This is just a memory..."
However, Rin didn't receive an answer. Her mom only continued to stare at her. Not speaking or saying anything.
"Mom, is this real? Are you real?" Rin asked.
"Rin," her mother replied. She set a crown of yellow roses on Rin's head. "I made it myself. Do you like it?" Subconsciously Rin nodded. She wondered if her mom had heard her earlier questions.
"Mom?"
"I'm so happy here Rin," Her mom answered. Rin found her hand in her mothers and she tagged along as her mother walked over to a balcony overlooking a river. "So happy..."
"Mom, my earlier questions-"
"You can't hate him Rin. We all have our reasons..." her mother said suddenly. Rin stared up at her mom, meeting her eyes.
"Mom, who are you talking about? I don't understand..." Rin heard the confusion in her own voice like a lost child. In a sense she was, lost without her memories. She tightened her grip on her mothers hand to affirm she was real, but they slipped through her grasp.
The memory was slipping away from her too fast to handle. She wanted to stay safe next to her mother. To stay here forever and the dream to be real. Before she realized she was shouting at her mother.
"Mom don't leave me again!"
Again? The word sent pain through Rin. Again? Had she lost her mother before? A wall stopped her from remembering so and suddenly Rin felt a void.
"I want you to stay," Rin cried. All she felt was a cold sense of abandoning. One she was sure she'd felt before as the feeling wasn't foreign to her. Her mother turned away from the railing and began walking away. The action held bitterness but the wind still blew her mom's hair gently, portraying the opposite. Rin ran after her, catching her mothers hand.
"Mom-"
"Rin, you can't. He's doing everything he can for me. He's done everything he can for me."
"Mom, you can't go I need you. I'm alone...," Rin said. Vulnerability leaked through her gaze and her voice faded. Her mom knelt infront, of her drawing her daughter into a hug. Rin's tears stained her mothers shirt and when the hug ended, her mother was smiling.
"You and I both know that's not true. You have someone you need to stay with now right? Someone who's important to you?" It was at that moment Rin knew this was no ordinary dream. Her mother was here, she could really hear her, really interact with her. "You can't keep looking back for me all the time Rin."
Slowly Rin turned around and she saw Len in the distance. He was surrounded by the rest of the group frozen in what seemed to be a picture. She felt a strong impulse to run to him, but the urge to stay with her mother was just as strong. Hesitantly she looked to her mother.
"Mom, can't you tell me who I am? What am I? What am I supposed to do? I don't know and I'm tired of not knowing. Tell me, anything is fine. Just tell me." All the words left Rin's mouth solemnly but with a hidden sense of determination. Her mother frowned.
"If I told you that would defeat the purpose of your new life." Then Rin was separated from her. Her mother was still in arms reach but a thick glass separated them.
"Mom, just tell me! What if I repeat the same mistakes?" Rin shouted desperately. She hadn't meant to shout but her mother didn't look offended.
"Everything I've done, I've done it for you," her mother said before she faded.
Suddenly she wasn't in a field anymore. Her mother was gone, another difference Rin noticed. She thought that maybe the rooms ceiling had swung down to crash into her but when her eyes adjusted, it hadn't.
Before her was a clear white ceiling. There were no visible flaws in it. Just a plain white ceiling was all it was. She thought it might be flecked with small black dots swimming around, but those were just from her vision.
Her hands felt cold and Rin noticed the smooth cold steel beneath her hands. They gripped rails with terrifying strength. Her hands were shaking and she was terrified. Mortified even. She gripped the rails for dear life and was surprised the metal wasn't caving due to her strength. She still wasn't awake.
The rails were attached to a bed of some sort, but if it was just a bed why was her other self so afraid to lie down? What exactly would she lay back on? The questions clouded her mind and hung, holding importance.
Rin's eyes travelled downwards straining to see what was infront of her. She knew she was safe. But the memories would still pain and probe her emotions as she watched them unfold infront of her again.
Rin's bed lay in the center of a room. She was the main focus of whatever meeting was being held there. As a small gathering of people was surrounded at the base of her bed. All of them wore white lab coats and it didn't take long for her to realize some kind of experiment was going on. Why would so many scientists be in one room otherwise?
Her eyes travelled across the room and locked on a scientist in a corner. His hair was a dark shade of red and was tied back in a ponytail. He was tall, slender and despite his long hair managed to look manly. He had a fit build for a scientist and was quite young. Possibly in his late teens or early twenties. Young features lived on in a face she'd seen before.
A single name rang out with his features in Rin's mind; Ted.
He lingered over a small pedestal covered in buttons, controls and switches. His expression was hidden due to the glasses he wore.
"Ted," A voice called from across the room. "She seems fine so this level isn't enough. We're ascending to six." But the scientist Ted didn't move. He continued to linger over the panel. His hands trembling. "Ted?" The voice called again. Rin's eyes darted across the room after recognizing the voice, Lily.
She was just as young as Ted, if not younger. Possibly eighteen if Rin had to guess. Actually, all the scientists seemed rather young now that she took a good look at them. Lily still stood out over them though. She was gorgeous and really didn't seem to belong here. All of a sudden, Rin wished she could remember everything else she knew about Lily.
"Ted, I said we're ascending to level six," Lily repeated. Still Ted didn't reply. Rin watched him swallow nervously and set his hands on the sides of the pedestal to steady himself.
"Stop..." Ted finally replied. His voice was weak and almost went unheard. Everyone in the room froze.
"What did you just say?" Lily questioned. She crossed the room and other scientists avoided her. Some out of respect, most out of fear.
"I said stop!" Ted screamed. He stood infront of the controls protectively. Attempting to put a stop to whatever Rin was enduring in this room. "I can't do this anymore. Don't you think she's had enough? Where does this end?"
Everyone in the room fell silent. That silence dragged on for what seemed to be forever. But Lily, Lily only stared Ted down as if he were a fool. Nothing but a nuisance in her way.
"The only person you have to look out for except for yourself is your sister Ted," Lily said, her voice threatening. A warning. "Anyone else isn't of any concern to you."
"Isn't of any concern?" Ted stumbled on the words he repeated. Both disbelief and disgust in his tone. "Can't you see how inhumane this is?" Lily tossed hair behind her, ignoring his statement.
"It's not my place, or yours to ask questions Ted. You know that. We all know that. We're at this agency to work, that's it."
There was nothing but acid in Lily's voice and Ted shook his head. He stood firm, holding his ground despite his obvious fear.
"Work? This is slavery! She's just a little girl Lily. We can't...this is wrong. Can't you see this is wrong?" Ted pleaded. His eyes scanned the faces of many. Searching, scrambling to find anyone that was with him. For even a sliver of guilt and humanity in the room. He found nothing.
An emotion flashed through Ted's eyes but Rin couldn't place what it might be.
"Please," Ted begged. "Rin..." His finger was pointed in her direction. "She's so young, this is wrong. Nobody should go through this amount of pain. Is anyone with me? Anybody at all?"
Grotesque silence allowed Ted his answer. Lily glanced around the room, smirking.
"Nobody is suicidal like you Ted. However I'll make you a deal. We won't continue with what the boss instructed us to do, if you give your sister in place of Rin." Ted stiffened and his face betrayed his courage.
'That's..."
"No? Don't wanna do that?" Lily said, mocking Ted. "Then step aside. I'll finish this if you can't. Just be prepared for the boss not needing you after this." Ted flinched at the words.
"I can still be useful..."
"Then do your only job and press the damn button!" Lily shouted.
"No! She's the same age as my sister! If I let this happen it's just like putting my sister through this. I won't turn the blind eye like the rest of you do!"
"Step aside Ted," Lily threatened. The thinning of her patience was apparent in her voice.
"Lily have a heart! This girl is only six!"
If Lily felt anything at Ted's words it didn't show. She gripped Ted's lab coat and forced him against the wall. The sickening crack Ted made echoed throughout the room and he slumped to the floor. Bright red streamed down the left side of his face.
Lily stepped away from him and stepped up to the control panels. Before she could hit the button Ted tackled her and they both crashed to the floor.
"You useless good for nothing!" Lily screamed. She clawed at Ted leaving a bright red scratch on his neck.
Rin watched as they rolled and wrestled around on the ground. The other scientists did nothing to stop the battle. They simply watched and others panicked. A few stepped back valuing their own safety.
The struggle continued on for several minutes before Lily finally positioned her feet well enough and kicked Ted mightily. He flew upside down over her head, landing flat on his back with a solid thump.
Ted's breath whooshed out of him and for a few seconds he gasped for air. Lily swiftly rolled to her feet and wheeled to face Ted. Panic flooded Rin as she realized now was Lily's opportunity to seize the controls. However she didn't.
Instead she reached behind her and gripped a glass beaker. She smashed it on a nearby table. The glass shattered and hundreds of shards littered the ground near Lily's feet. She dug through the pile quickly spotting the largest and sharpest fragment.
"I've had just about enough of you Ted! These constant interruptions are stopping now!" Ted staggered upwards and Lily rushed him. He managed to dodge her attack but just barely.
Lily rushed at Ted again and stabbed down. The shard sliced through air and clipped Ted's side. He charged her before she could pull back. Ted had her wrist in his grip and twisted it back sharply. The shard fell from Lily's hand and crashed to the floor. It shattered into pieces.
Ted twisted Lily's arms behind her back and jerked her over to the window. She screamed and hollered through the entire spectacle. Meanwhile the other scientists continued to watch.
Ted forced his foot at the window and kicked it several times before it gave in and shattered. Glass sliced his legs but he seemed to ignore the cuts along with the hot red that stained his jeans and white lab coat.
Viciously, he grabbed a lock of Lily's hair and forced her far out the window. She leaned deathly as the wind blew harshly against her.
Rin's arms strained but she continued to watch. Lily's shriek transformed into a frantic scream as Ted continued to force her farther and farther out the window. He held her in such a way that if he released her, she would indubitably fall to her death.
"Do it Ted!" Lily laughed, urging him on. Her laugh was a mocking sound. "I know you can't, you don't have the gut-" Rin watched Kasane Ted do something she never would've thought he would ever do.
He forced Lily out the window.
Her shrill scream seemed amplified as she fell. It came to an abrupt stop as she hit the pavement below. A sickening splat echoed through the room. Every eye was on Ted. Warily they awaited his next actions.
Slowly Ted turned to the rest of the scientific staff. "Unless the rest of you want to join her you'll untie Rin and do as I say. I'm running this project now and she's done for today."
Never so fast had Rin been let up.
She hadn't realized it but she was trapped in a glass casket. The glass had been so clean she hadn't realized it was there.
The lid popped off and divided into two. Rin felt herself rise and then continued to watch as she flexed her hands. She swung her legs over the bed and onto the floor feeling relatively fine. The cold of the floor shocked her, making her realize she had no shoes on.
She felt as if all her strength had been sapped from her suddenly and she couldn't feel her body. Shock shot through her and immediately she started crumpling to the floor.
Ted caught her and his touch was surprisingly comforting. It was thanks to him that she didn't crash to the floor. He'd committed a fatherly action that was foreign to Rin. Despite what he'd done to Lily he smiled sweetly, almost lovingly at Rin.
"Don't try to walk just yet, you're a little weak," he said and Rin nodded. Ted leaned closer next to her ear and whispered. "I'll keep you safe from now on so stay close to me."
Rin felt her eyes begin to water and she sniffled. In the memory the actions were repeated. The moment of tenderness with Ted really made her feel like she was safe. His words were sincere, as if he'd always watch over her.
Yet, it didn't make sense. If Ted was so sweet, if he was such a good person then why did he work here? If this was such a bad place why had her mother said she loved it? If Ted was so kind, and her mother was fond of it...why had she escaped? The questions lingered in her mind when she couldn't find answers.
The atmosphere fell grim and ominous as slow sharp claps echoed from the opposite side of the room.
Rin tried to see the figure stepping out of the crowd of scientists but she only saw a blurred silhouette. Her mind was shielding her from seeing the person, but he spoke with a voice she knew. A voice that commanded. One you couldn't escape no matter how far you ran.
All the warmth drained from her body and her blood froze. Rin couldn't move even while she watched the memory. Fear like never before flooded into her. She felt her other self blur the silhouette further. Shielding her from what it knew she couldn't handle.
Rin pried but her other self had an iron grip and a platinum lock on that memory. The memory of what he looked like. She wasn't ready for such a thing, maybe never would be. She couldn't force or rush it.
If just his voice alone had the effect to bring her to her knees Rin couldn't imagine staring into his eyes. She imagined her soul burning and everything she was crumbling infront of him. Without words he'd command her against her will. Just like she was trained to do, she'd listen. No matter how horrific, no matter how gruesome, she'd follow through and not dare disobey.
His eyes could kill, so Rin stopped trying to remember them.
Her whole body trembled and no matter how much she told herself she wasn't afraid, the trembling did not stop. The unspeakable horror that would ensue if she returned to him lined her skin with thin ice.
He'd be angry, furious. She'd undergo unimaginable, intolerable pain. Tears leaked down her face and Rin knew she'd probably be crying in her sleep when she awoke.
Desperately she wished to wake up. She wanted to leave her mind and retreat. Get as far away as possible from him as she could. But she was on a leash, Rin couldn't get away. She was forced into a chair and her eyes were held open. She had no choice but to watch the rest of the memory flood in. She'd ask for it, and would atone for the punishment.
He stepped forward and all the scientists cowered back from him. She watched his figure glance around obviously not pleased with his findings.
"Ted, Ted...Ted. What have you done?" Rin shivered at every syllable that left his mouth. Iciness pooled inside her and she longed for a warmth that wouldn't come. Having him so close, hearing his voice so close was unbearable. His voice lacked the acidic tone she thought it would have more of. Instead it sounded velvety smooth.
It was the kinda voice you could listen to forever and never grow tired of. The honey dipped deepness of it startled her. How could someone so evil, so sinister have a voice that could lull you to sleep? A voice with such an alluring quality that you couldn't argue with it?
He stepped closer and surveyed the window. The boss leaned out and there was no doubt in Rin's mind that he'd seen Lily's body. The boss turned around and faced Ted.
"I'm assuming that's your handiwork?" Rin felt Ted back up.
"Sir, I only did what I felt was necessary."
"Necessary?" The boss repeated as he stepped in Ted's direction. He was still speaking calmly but his voice ripped through the room. His voice gripped, and Rin felt as if a piece of her was going to be ripped from her and forcibly given to him.
"Sir, why would you put Rin in this project? I can't allow her to be hurt to terms this extreme. I can only hope you understand why I didn't sit back. Don't be angry..."
"Angry?" He repeated. "Ted, I'm not angry at all. Infact, I'm entrusting you as head of the scientific department." Rin thought it was a wonderful promotion but Ted seemed horrified and more than well shaken.
"Sir..."
"Starting today, Lily will be your assistant so, do get...very much acquainted with her."
"That's-"
"Any complaints?" The boss hadn't asked it like a question. It was a challenge. He put it in a simple way that was daring anyone to ask questions. Ted backed down.
"No," he answered.
"Good," Rin knew he would be smiling at the victory. He knew nothing but to smile at others misfortunes.
Rin doubted he possessed any emotions of his own. Anyone that sadistic wouldn't feel anything.
"Anyone who would've asked a question would've suffered, like this." The boss swung around effortlessly and pointed at one of the scientists. His body started to jerk and convulse wildly. Other scientists jumped back from him again fearing their safety. Rin watched as he fell to the ground, body still moving wildly and twisting at impossible angles.
His screams were bloodcurdling and the room began to smell of roasted meat. Finally his eyes rolled slowly into the back of his head, a murky white replacing his pupils. The boss chuckled, that chuckle turning into a full blown out sadistic laugh. He laughed as if what he'd just done was comical.
"He's cooked perfectly from the inside, just the way I like my meat." Glances of horror were exchanged throughout the room and the boss laughed again. Then he stopped, sighing satisfyingly. He made his way over to the window and leaned out of it. "Lily, I suddenly have the craving for a steak. Take care of that for me won't you."
Rin couldn't believe his actions. She knew he was cruel, possibly even psychotic...but this? This was deranged. Insanity on another level, cruelty to the extreme.
The boss turned away from the window and walked straight out the door without giving anyone in the room a second glance. He leaned back through the door frame staring at Ted.
"Testing will continue. Am I clear Ted?" Silently Ted nodded and Rin felt herself held closer to him.
"Yes, sir..."
With a steady gaze around the room, the boss left. Silence replaced his absence and the clicking of loafers could be heard out in the hall receding. The boss left but the atmosphere he'd come in with lingered. Ted and the other scientists bowed their heads in a momentary funeral for their fellow comrade before Ted issued for the body to be taken away.
"Ted, what's gonna happen?" Rin recognized her own voice. It was different, a considerable tone higher. Ted looked down at her with sad eyes. In them was endless sorrow, guilt, and a plead for what might've been forgiveness.
"I'm sorry Rin, but I will look out for you the best I can." Ted apologized and then she was back on the lab bed. Ted crossed the room while other scientists held Rin's arms. She thrashed about with considerable inhuman strength.
She was so focused on panic that she hadn't seen the syringe. The clear liquid they injected her with made her head heavy and the atmosphere around her lighter. Her arms fell to her sides and she could no longer feel them. The world spun for a few seconds and came into focus sharper than before. Rin tried to move her arms to break free but she'd already been locked in the glass casket.
Weakly she called out for Ted but he only stood over the control panel and with a painful expression watched her. Emotions swirled in Rin's head as she wondered why Ted was letting this happen again. Why he was letting it continue. Rin stared at him and realized why his new promotion was a curse.
Because he was the head of the scientific department now, Ted had to oversee and follow through with all the bosses orders. Needing to be present every single time. He'd hear every cry and have to issue the commands himself. He'd have to stand there and endure so much more than this, all thanks to the boss.
Rin could only guess how useless Ted felt. Standing there, powerless to stop anything...useless.
When Rin was firmly connected to the system and prepared, Ted hit the button he and Lily had been fighting over. Color purged from Rin's world and she sunk below the beds surface into a thick liquid. It was only then she realized the beds body was metallic as it separated.
She sunk lower and lower under the surface till the liquid constricted her. It pushed against her getting increasingly tighter until it stole the breath from her. Rin breathed in the liquid and her lungs burned. She lurched forward and coughed, it invaded her mouth further and Rin knew she was drowning. She forced her way to the surface but couldn't break the invisible barrier that separated her from air.
She watched as her other self frantically pounded against the glass screaming. Her body felt heavy and her hands fell limp. She was drowning. With one more weak pound she was overcome by the liquid and began to sink.
Before she could give up electricity shot through the water and burned her skin. Rin saw herself scream again and breathed in more liquid. The whole fight started again and she lost, over and over and over. Almost drowning and being brought back.
She couldn't feel the pain herself but she remembered it. The pain swelled and its rumble turned into a roar. The pain stopped clawing her and began cradling her. She stopped trying to break free into the outside world and allowed the darkness to nip at the edges of her mind.
It crawled in, offering her harmonious peace. A sleep free of pain. She reached out, accepting it. Then she was jolted awake, and disregarded the pain. She slammed her hands against the surface separating her from the air she needed with newfound power and was out. She was sitting up on the bed staring at Ted.
Before she could enjoy the safety she was going through the whole process again, screaming, dying, and living, all over again. The process was endless and every time Rin prevailed she was again thrown under. It was a hellish torture but she endured it. Endured all of it. All one hundred and fifty levels of it.
She couldn't understand why her mom loved this place. Why Ted, who detested everything they did, worked here. Something about a sister was all Rin remembered. She only saw fragments of more hellish torture and trials that had hardened her and increased her abilities. In all of them she had excelled and prevailed.
His voice commanded her through some trials and Ted's voice filled others. Ted's voice was always of lesser challenges. His was always of greater and impossible challenges.
Someone so cruel, someone so evil. Rin couldn't understand many things about what she was being shown. Where was her mother in all of this? Why hadn't the gentle woman who'd loved her so stopped any of it?
Then suddenly the air grew cold. Rin looked around and saw searing sunlight again. Sure signs of her mother, but instead of nature she heard nothing. The silence was desolate and her nerves were screaming at the weight in her hands.
Looking down Rin saw a slender figure of someone she'd seen before. She was wearing a dazzling dress of white, embroidery laced the front and along the tail of the dress. A wedding dress. The woman seemed so much more fragile in her arms. Rin's hands shook as she realized who it was. "Mom?"
Her mom looked up at her, face deathly pale. And then Rin saw it. A spasm of terror gripped her as Rin saw sticky bright red covering her hands. The front of her clothes was covered and splattered with blood. Rin nearly dropped her mother at the sight. Her mothers heartbeat was faint, slowing...stopping.
"No!" Rin shook her, hard enough that her moms head sagged against her. "Mom you can't! Who did this to you! Who-" Rin immediately regretted asking the question after a dagger wet with blood fell to the floor from her hand.
Rin shot up from bed gasping, heart racing. She gripped the fabric beneath her and pinched herself. Making sure she really was awake this time. She was afraid of drifting back into sleep and venturing into her mind again. She couldn't catch her breath; she couldn't stop shaking.
Her eyes darted around the room and it was empty. Sunlight peeked in through the curtains and Rin hated it. She lifted a hand and the curtains swung shut. She curled into a ball, holding herself still. Those memories were too much for her.
How was she supposed to handle this new information? She was still herself but felt as if a piece of her had been tainted. Just like she'd taken her mothers life. Rin wiped at the tears pouring down her cheeks. She couldn't have possibly...
However, she couldn't convince herself she hadn't.
Frantically she searched the room for Len momentarily forgetting where she was. Where was Len? If she could just get to Len...then she remembered, until Len was well enough and came to see her no one could go see him.
Rin balled her hands into fists to keep from shaking. She was desperately trying to be strong without him, but how could she? Terror raged through her without mercy, without end. She was shaken beyond belief.
Those memories had to be false. They had to be...she would've never killed her mother. Such a beautiful, delicate person. Unless he'd ordered it. Rin felt a burning within her. It was snuffed out by her other self. She attempted to question, but dared not tread any further into her mind, not for a while.
She had after all been warned and yet she'd pried. Desperately pried and so her other self had given her answers. Rin allowed herself to cry for a little longer before she forced herself to get dressed and entered the living room.
The room was silent and empty. A table was set rather formally, but not quite ready yet. Luka came in taking a few plates off the table. She glanced at Rin.
"Rin? You're finally awake," Luka smiled. "We're getting ready for the beach. You seemed tired so we let you sleep in a little." Rin nodded in a gesture of thanks. Even though the extra amount of sleep they'd given her hadn't exactly benefitted her.
Rin shuddered as she remembered the memories she'd received not too long ago. They were ones she wouldn't be forgetting again anytime soon. Just like the rest of her recovered memories. She didn't exactly regret seeing them, but in a sense wish such powerful ones hadn't returned.
Ice started to line her skin as she remembered her mothers limp body in her arms. There was no way she could've possibly killed her mother. There had to be more to the memory. Just about a hundred bits and pieces that were missing. She couldn't have killed her mother even at his order. Rin found false safety in the thought.
Her mind wandered away to Len. Wondering how he was, what he was doing. She entertained the thought of asking Luka about him but dropped it seconds after. Len wasn't exactly Luka's favorite person. Possibly she had a little more respect for him after he'd kept Miku safe, but not much more than that. Rin didn't want to be a nuisance and decided to take a seat at the table instead of asking.
"Where is everybody?" Rin asked. Luka eyed her as if the question was foolish. Still she answered it.
"Well, the boys went to grab drinks and a couple other things. Teto, Miku and I are packing things back in the kitchen."
"Packing things back? But it looks like you're setting the table right now." Rin said. Luka shook her head and suddenly seemed bitter about something.
"We were going to have a sort of formal dinner as a celebration for the good of today. That was before I remembered how many savages we had tagging along with us. So we decided to head down to my family's private beach and have a party there." Luka stood up straight and huffed. The French pink of her nails glinted in the sunlight.
Rin glanced around the room and then returned her gaze to Luka. She couldn't help but wonder if she hadn't waken up...would they have left her? Len definitely wouldn't have left her, so she dropped the subject. She felt as if she'd put questions about him off long enough.
"Um, how's Len?"
"Well enough to be arrogant," Luka snorted. She hadn't said it bitterly but with a newfound respect for Len. Rin smiled at Luka's comment, feeling relief.
"That's good."
"Honestly, you and Miku are the same. No 'Good afternoon Luka.' just 'Where is Len? How's Len?' What's so great about him..." Luka mumbled the last part under her breath and Rin flushed.
"Sorry, it's just-" Luka held a hand up to her.
"Nope, too late to say that now. I shouldn't have to remind you next time though. All is forgiven." Luka smiled again and Rin found herself laughing. It wasn't too long after that Luka joined her.
It was hard to understand why the boys didn't like Luka. She was rather kind when she wanted to be. If not, enjoyable to be around. Today Luka wore low-rise jean shorts and a grey rock tee with lacing up the sides showing bits of well toned, smooth skin. Her hair was pulled up tight into a sort of bun.
Luka's bangs still hung down lovely over her forehead. There were two tendrils of hair dangling at the sides where her bangs ended. The rest of her hair was braided and wrapped in a bun over her entire head. Tads of glitter sparkled here and there over her hair. She looked just as dazzling as she did everyday. Rin felt a little drab in comparison to Luka's glamour in her simple yellow shirt and white capris.
Luka noticed Rin staring at her hair and quickly commented. "It's the maiden braid, saw it and had to try it." She winked at Rin before voices could be heard coming from the kitchen.
"Our princess is awake huh?" Came Teto's voice behind Luka. Rin smiled at her and Teto smiled back. "We were starting to think a prince might need to give you some sort of kiss sleeping beauty." Rin felt warmth in her cheeks. She tried to picture Len in a princes outfit but failed miserably. She discarded the thought.
"Good afternoon Teto."
Shortly after Teto came Miku. Rin bit her lip remembering yesterday. She couldn't help but wonder if Miku was still angry. Things between them weren't exactly fixed, and she hadn't gotten the chance to explain anything to Miku as she'd suddenly disappeared along with Teto yesterday night.
Rin had settled for speaking with Luka until she'd fallen asleep. Rin opened her mouth to apologize and explain but Miku simply flashed her a kind smile. The action threw Rin off and she closed her mouth. The front door burst open, sparing her any explaining.
"We're not friends in the slightest," came Len's voice. "Infact, I hate both of you."
"Oh come on Len, you have to admit you love hanging out with us," Mikuo and Len came through the front door carrying one grocery bag each, Kaito was only slightly behind them.
"Nope, can't say I do," Len said, but his voice sounded as if he meant it in a joking way. He set his bag down next to the front door and turned to take Mikuo's. He brushed Len off and set the bag down himself.
"Len, I can't believe you didn't see that. That girl was totally checking you out," came Kaito's voice as he stepped through the door. Len rolled his eyes.
"Yeah well, good for her."
A wave of happiness shot through Rin at Len's dismissal of the random girl. Rin felt her face flushed and instantly felt terrible that such a thing had brought her joy. Suddenly she felt eyes staring at her and she looked up.
Rin's breath hitched as she made eye contact with Len. His blue eyes studied hers and she felt the need to look away. She refrained and waved instead. It had been approximately an entire day that she hadn't been able to see those eyes. Len's face went slightly pale as if he'd seen a ghost and he began to speak.
"Rin? You're-"
"Len, did you get the right barbecue sauce?" Miku cut in. She crossed the room and stood infront of Len, blocking him from Rin's view. Rin frowned and looked the other way pretending to mind her own business. It would be awkward to stare at either Len or Miku for a while.
Len reached into his bag and shoved the barbecue sauce into Miku's arms. Infact, he shoved all eight of them at her and she struggled to keep hold of them all. One almost tumbled to the floor but Teto caught it. In that time Len had stepped around Miku and walked towards Rin. Len's hand ruffled Rin's hair.
"You're okay." Len smiled down at her and Rin couldn't help it. Tears started to stream down her cheeks. Seeing Len awake and moving. Seeing him alive and well after last nights condition. His voice broke into her thoughts. "Rin? Hey? Come on, don't start crying all of a sudden. This is supposed to be a happy reunion, right?" Len joked, but he seemed rather concerned.
"Len you're alright...," Rin sniffled, wiping tears away. Her voice seemed weak to her. Len sighed and patted her head.
"Of course I'm alright so stop crying it's unnerving." Rin wiped at her tears and stared up at him. She nodded. "You know, I would've come and seen you earlier but Luka wouldn't let me enter your room along with certain circumstances." Rin saw a faint blush in Len's cheeks but it was gone just as fast as it had arrived.
A sudden urge to pry hit Rin but she decided not too. If Len wanted to tell her what he meant by circumstances he would. For now, he was infront of her alive and very much well according to Luka. She was about to hug Len but Teto must have sensed it because she interrupted.
"While it's fantastic for you two to have this little reunion. The rest of us would like to get down to the beach while we're still young." Rin's face suddenly felt incredibly warm, she stepped back from Len and cast an embarrassed glance at Teto. She'd completely forgotten about everyone else in the room.
"Sorry..." Rin mumbled. Her eyes rested on Miku but her expression was unreadable. Miku turned from her gaze and headed for the girls room.
"Don't apologize Rin, just get ready. You'll need a swim suit." Was all Miku said in reply before she disappeared into the girls room. She glanced back at Len and the rest of the boys but it was only Len who was still present.
Rin turned to go after Miku but to her surprise she couldn't. Len had a firm grip on her hand but it wasn't painful.
She was silent for a second as she stared at Len in question. Several times he opened his mouth to say something and then closed it deciding not too. Almost as if he did it without thinking about what he was doing, Rin was against him in a hug.
Rin could feel the steady beating of his heart through his shirt. A calmness settled over her. Suddenly she felt the urge to lean against him and be held closer. She felt Len's arms settled around her and pull her closer as if hearing her thoughts.
Hesitantly, Rin placed her arms back around him. She'd never hesitated about simply hugging Len, but she didn't have to guess why it was different now. The bristle of Len's hair on Rin's cheek startled her, but still he rested his head on her shoulder.
"You scared the crap outta me you know..." Len whispered. He lifted his head and smiled with relief at her. "Don't go spreading that around though." His eyes were full of relief, along with question. A million questions he wanted to ask her at that moment, but even that he refrained from doing. As if sensing she wasn't exactly ready for such a thing yet.
Rin also had things she wanted to say, but like Len, she also said nothing. Len released her almost as quickly as he'd hugged her and began heading to the boys room.
Somehow, Len seemed different. Before, he probably would've been against the hug but now...Rin felt her face warm again. She twisted around and headed towards the girls room.
"Rin," Len's voice suddenly called her and she glanced backwards. He was paused just before the boys room door. "Don't...don't ever do that to me again,...disappearing and all..." Then he opened the door and closed it silently behind him.
Rin stood there in Len's silence, baffled. She felt incoming tears but they didn't spill down her cheeks. Such kind words...a place beside Len. Her tears welled up and finally dripped down her face.
Such kind words from Len and a place beside him. He didn't want her to leave him again. Ever again. She didn't deserve such a place. Such a wonderfulness as this...she really didn't deserve it. Not after all she'd done. But the happiness it gave her was like no other.
She didn't deserve to be cherished or valued after her memories were stained in so much blood and cruelty...yet it made her so happy. She loved Len and for once, thought it might just be possible, that he could love her back.