The coldness that seemed to surround her flesh was constant now. It started with occasional chills until Alexis wore a jacket constantly, shoes and thick socks, gloves as well when it got really bad. She had chills on board the Relentless, but it had gotten much worse in the last couple of days. It felt the opposite of a fever only more persistent, felt deeper and more centered within the core of her body.

Alexis tried to work herself up to talking to Sunstreaker. There was another problem with that. She was having horrible cravings of late. They seemed to begin when she picked up Sunstreaker's equipment that he needed on the luxurious Space Port Rhyion. She had a strong urge to touch the salesclerk in the electronics store. She had also been flustered when Sunstreaker smothered her on the hood of his car. But she didn't really think much of it. Now, days later, the want was worse, giving her body a run of hot and cold, making desire bloom at a simple gesture, a tone of voice, or even the vibration of the Autobot's now recognizable energy signature.

She had always found the Autobot twins attractive, but how she felt now was preposterous and cruel. Wanting to do salacious things with Sunstreaker was not on her list of things she needed to accomplish to recover.

But the lust refused to fade, no matter how much mental effort she put into it. She had just lost her husband, lost two friends, and now this perverted want.

Alexis really didn't know what to do.

Sunstreaker was going to figure out that something was wrong with her, probably sooner than later. They were finally almost getting along. They could even talk sometimes without things turning ridiculous. He even tried to distract her from Amanda's death, while unsuccessful had been astounding. Yet most of the times he was still unreasonable. And the Autobot constantly sought out her company, even tried to shorten how long she slept. He was controlling, working on smothering, and the smugness after she spent the night with him, a further irritation, especially when he believed it was something that was going to be repeated.

She felt Sunstreaker enter the observation deck. Alexis' body turned chaotic, wrestling between heat and chills, between desires and tangible objections, everything working toward a frustration that made her unsympathetic body twinge with an unfathomable pleasure that made her heart quicken beneath her restrictive chest.

It was the thought of him picking up what her body was trying to broadcast that had her awkwardly backing away from the Autobot who now stood too close above her.

"It's terribly cold in here," Alexis managed, cringing in the darkness of the suddenly stifling room. Cringing even further when she realized she felt so much better when Sunstreaker was nearby. Another perversion that she was sure had to do with the bonding thing, a topic that he did not like to talk about or expand upon. Something else that truly pissed her off.

And why did it have to take so long to pick up her brother? What was she thinking? What did she agree to?

His dominant voice echoed lightly in the large room. She felt his gaze on her still turned back. "Your body temperature has been fluctuating as of late. Move closer to me. I will raise the room's temperature and..."

Panicking, she spoke in a rush of words, backing away in a flurry of movement as she headed toward the still open doors. "No, I will just go take a bath and..."

"Do not leave me," he demanded, already moving after her.

She squeaked at the tone of voice he used. Her stomach absurdly caved in and sweat coated her hands. Alexis said something else, but she didn't know what. All she knew was that she had to get away from the Autobot and fast.

The hot bath helped reduce the cold and forced her body to come into order. Wanting Sunstreaker was absurd, laughable even. Now that her mind was calm and her thoughts flattened out, she could think reasonably.

Until her bathroom door opened and the human Autobot walked in.

"Why didn't you answer your door? How dare you igno..." He spoke loud with his frustration, then faltered when he noticed her. He saw her clearly even though the lights were off. Alexis had always preferred to take her baths in darkness since finding it was a stress reliever and helped her think clearer.

Alexis screeched and pushed her body up and against the large rim of the tub, turning the once comforting stream of water off before ordering the lights on.

Her gaze unintentionally moved along his form as her eyes adjusted. He wore a fitted shirt that enhanced his muscles, the frame of his lean body. His eyes were large, his mouth slightly parted. His attention was heavily placed on her fingers that clung to the tub, then the exposed flesh of her shoulders and neck. His fingers combed harshly through his hair. The Autobot muttered something and took a step back. He stared at the bathroom door, shifted on his feet, then with a burst of movement seemed to appear right before her.

He came forward, fell on his knees, leaning against the porcelain of the tub, his face level with her own as he stared at her. Alexis meant to move away, she did. But then his hand tangled and cut through her wet hair, fingers drifting softly on the side of her face and dropping below her chin. He froze. Emotions tangled in the pools of his eyes and then seemed to flat-line.

Before she could object about Sunstreaker's presence, his mouth tumbled against hers, brutal, savage. The kiss was wet and painful and so inexperienced that that should have been a turn off on its own.

But it was the opposite. Nearly slipping inside the tub, Alexis pushed him back and them grabbed to him again, kissing him as he learned and mastered the art of touching lips.

And then it was her trying to keep up with him. She was breathless and incredibly hot, her hands digging into his scalp, fingernails scratching down the back of his neck as he pulled her closer, water splashing out of the tub.

And then he spoke, cutting through the fog of her blinding lust, "I knew I would have you."

Her hands fell away from him. Her body sank back under the water. Covering herself with her arms, she reached for the nearby towel and wrapped it around body.

Sunstreaker continued to watch her. He stood to his feet and observed her, his face unreadable except for what she knew he wanted. A strain was apparent that made his gaze upon her render Alexis nervous and highly aware.

Alexis stood up and trembling terribly, she left the huge tub, managing to splash a good deal of water in the process. But at least she didn't slip and fall.

Anger came as he continued to watch her movements with unshielded avidity. She grabbed to the steadily growing animosity and used it to strengthen her liquid limbs. "It's always about you. I don't know why you seem so attractive as late, but this is ridiculous. I am not about to have meaningless sex with you!"

Sunstreaker smiled wide at that, his reply smug, his tone absolutely smoldering. "With me sex is never meaningless." The smile grew into a grin. He wet his lips, blinked slowly. "Profound would be a more apt word to describe how I would make you feel."

"Get out."

He didn't budge. His shirt was wet from where she had pressed into him. His bare feet were covered in water droplets. He had pronounced scratches on his neck and arms, some lightly bleeding. Sunstreaker's hair was a mess, his bright blue eyes working toward blackened green were wild, and to look in them was a madness that made her skin vibrate with highly disturbing longing.

It was too much, too soon. And she knew that, truly. Her wants disgusted her, her reasoning betrayed her, and once more she felt helpless, only this time against herself.

So she did the only thing she could. She begged.

"Please leave, Sunstreaker. Please." Her hand covered her eyes, the other holding firmly to her long towel. She wanted him, but she didn't really want him. She didn't know why her libido was in overdrive.

She missed Airaih. She wanted Airaih.

Right now.

And yet here she was in a bathroom with an Autobot that she was having a hard time not dragging back to the bathtub or to her bed so that they could continue.

Alexis shook her head, forcing the imagery out of her head. Her hand dropped away from her face in the process.

Relief came when she found she was alone. The bathtub water continued to steam behind her, ripples still undulating on the surface.

She hated herself. She hated Sunstreaker. She hated men, she hated sex and she hated her body.

Curled inside layers of blankets, she also hated the fact that she was wide awake. And that she hadn't been able to stop crying since Sunstreaker left her quarters.

She cried because Airaih was dead, because Sideswipe was dead, because one of her only friends had killed herself, because she was lonelier than she had been in a long time, because she ached and throbbed, because her own body was a mystery.

And then her tablet pinged.

It took her a moment to recognize the sound, took her several minutes after that to locate the device, which ended up being underneath one of her pillows.

Alexis respond.

It was a text message from Thundercracker.

Baffled because she hadn't heard from him since the Relentless, she stared at the screen until another message appeared.

If you see this, respond immediately.

I'm here.

Your status?

I'm with Sunstreaker. He's taking me to Josh.

A handful of messages came in, nearly at the same time.

You need to get away from him. He needs treatment.

By a medic.

As do you.

Don't trust Sunstreaker.

Get away from him. He will only do you harm.

He has blocked my messages. He is trying to block these.

He is taking me to Josh. I can't leave.

Is he?

You need to find out where you are. You need to g

Her screen blanked out and then came back on, the messages erased.

She didn't think to question where they were. That was the truth. It wasn't because she trusted Sunstreaker, but because she wouldn't have thought that the Autobot would purposely try to delay, or keep her separated from her family.

But Sunstreaker was acting differently, even secretive. She had been sure that it was just his way of grieving, of trying to cope with the uncopable.

But the bonding could be severed, which meant the Autobot didn't need to keep her, her, a human, an individual that belonged to a species he now loathed utterly and without compromise.

Trying to bring order to the chaos that was the Autobot and his motivations was a task she had long abandoned.

But his motivations seemed to involve her now. And she would not be a part of whatever plans he was coming up with. She wanted to help him, not be an unknowing accomplice by staying with him.

Alexis got up and feeling calmer than she had in days, she put her shoes on, packed a couple of things and armed herself. She would find out where she was, and if need be, she would leave, somehow, someway.

She had a true aversion to being used, but being lied to was even worse.

Making her way out into the hallway, Alexis got all of five steps and was just about to round the safety of the right corner when a voice stopped the motion of her feet.

"Where do you think you are going?"

The hallways were dark, as they always were, a simulation of night that was probably for her benefit. The lights blinked on, allowing her to see the Autobot who was sitting just a couple of feet from her door.

He was still human, which was probably why she didn't see his small form in the dark. Sunstreaker looked as untypically unkempt as he had earlier when he left her in the bathroom, now dry. Alexis still wasn't accustomed to seeing him as a human. It made him seem sinister, something she was able to ignore earlier, but with his predatory gaze upon her, she had the instinct to stay very very still or bolt.

He leisurely got up, wiped off his slacks and made the show of smoothing out his wrinkled shirt.

"Are you taking me to my brother or not?" Alexis asked of him, her voice angry and loud, resonating with her own suspicions.

"No. I am not," he told her so causally, a minute smile lifting his lips before dropping into a heavy frown. His eyes darted over her form, stilling on her weapons, then lifting and lingering on her mouth. His back straightened and his hands folded carefully in front of his body as she began to speak to him.

"You lied to me. You said we were picking up my brother and..."

He narrowed his eyes, tilted his head. "I didn't lie to you. I just didn't tell you the whole truth." A flash of a smile again, filled with white teeth, allowing her to see his complacent manner that was dangerous and highly irritating. "I don't want to be around anyone right now. Surely, you above all can understand this." This time his words were gingerly soft, filled with a distress that made his eyes steel on her, his entire appearance change into something fragile and vulnerable.

Alexis' head spun. What if this was all a game to him? What if he knew exactly what to do or say to get her to comply?

"I am here," Alexis spoke the prominent thoughts in her head. "But why am I here when I don't want to be?" She cringed. A pang raced through her chest from saying what she hadn't meant to, lessened when she realized she needed to.

What could have been fear passed through his eyes that he quickly turned away from her. Maybe some of it was an act. But not everything he did was a show. But still, she would not allow...

Sunstreaker stopped Alexis' thoughts when he grabbed her and trapped her against the wall, using her own staff that he had taken without her even knowing. He allowed it to extend across her body, pleased that she was puzzled that he even knew how to operate the weapon. He slowly relieved her of her pack and took off her gun, all flung carelessly over his shoulder.

His free hand found her neck, his thumb swiped over her mouth as his eyes followed. "You're so cold, Alexis. So perfect as well, not too striking and not too dull. And a terrible liar." The corner of his mouth lifted. "You want to be here. You also want me. Should I tell you what my sensors have picked up. Should I embarrass you by what they tell me you want from me? Shameless really." He tsked at her, shook his head.

She didn't have to be reminded. The attraction was still there. It was dulled now after her crying and messages with Thundercracker, but it remained like a headache ready to turn into a migraine, pulsing below her belly instead of above her eyes.

Steadying her emotions, pushing down the want, she spoke more calmly than she thought herself capable of. But Alexis knew he was trying to goad her, make her act and not think. "Get away from me."

"I've had just about enough of that," Sunstreaker told her, leaning in closer even as she tried to push him away. His hand moved to the staff weapon, fingers caressing the hard metal. She felt his body heat, the tingling of his breath on her skin. "I will touch you. You have kept me at bay long enough, and I tire of it."

She prepared herself, even managed to position her legs to attack with her entire body. Until something so odd happened that all thoughts of fighting him off drained out of her.

He dropped the weapon with a resounding clank and clung to her, almost a hug, but more than that. The gesture was an exposure of neediness. His head curled along her shoulder, his arms wrapped slowly around her, bringing her away from the wall and to him.

His ability to stop her from acting as she wanted was insidious, making her want to use violence against him. But his desperation made a protective instinct ignite, had her hand moving to his shoulder, the other to his jaw. She lifted his head up.

Alexis was pulled in by what she saw in his eyes, but she felt further away from her emotions. She never trusted the Autobot. He had already admitted to lying to her. What else was he keeping from her? What else would he do to try to get her to do what he wanted? Would she unwittingly give in?

Yes, she felt entirely cold then. She craved decisiveness. He seemed to recognize her resistance and his expression turned hostile.

"Do you wish I was Thundercracker?" It wasn't what he said, but the nasty way he said it that made her detangle from his firm hold.

He allowed her to, even took a step away from her. But the threatening expression he wore made her take a defensive position.

"I know that he managed to contact you today. I know what he said to you, and how you responded. I know more than my brother ever bothered entertaining." He sneered, arms bending with unresolved energy. Sunstreaker narrowed his eyes at her as if performing an exam. "Was the Seeker your lover? Did he take you as a human? Or did you allow him to spark you as I have? I find the idea of him interf..."

He stopped when she pushed him as hard as she could, nearly knocking him off his feet. Alexis grabbed her staff and dared him to approach. She wouldn't run away from him. He would have liked that too much.

"Airaih was the only one," Alexis boldly told him, abandoning her usually need for privacy in order to get her point across. "And he will remain the only one."

He scoffed at her. "And what exactly did you do with me? What exactly do you want to do again?" His smugness ignited. He took a step toward her. "I hear the pulse of your life organ, quick and hard." He took another step closer. "I smell the fragrance of your body, sweet and promising." Another step. "And the way you look at me, Alexis. Your denial, while exquisite to behold must be torture for you." He took the last step, now directly in front of her. He didn't move closer, once more testing her when he really shouldn't have.

Standing her ground, Alexis managed to ignore his nearness, and tightly kept her hands bound to her sides, not wanting to do something stupid. "You've lied to me. You are probably keeping other things from me. I can't stay here with you, especially not now."

His expression turned dark, his inflections bold with mockery. "Will telling you all turn you pliant? Don't be stupid, Alexis. There are things I have done, things I am doing that would terrify you." He flashed her an indulgent smile. He tightly folded his hands together, brought then to his face and then roughly dropped them. "Should I tell you anyway? Perhaps you would find it an added turn on. Honesty does do it for you, does it not?"

He paused and took a deep breath. Sunstreaker reached out toward the nearby wall, fingers drawing a path down the matte metal. Slumping soundly against the wall he stared heavily at the floor for several long moments. Rising back to his feet, hands hidden behind his back, his posture was absolutely rigid.

He spoke harshly, words tainted with agitation. "Perhaps I should start by telling you what I myself cannot believe. I like you, Alexis. I want you near me. I need to be near you. And if anyone tries to separate us, especially that Con," he growled. "I will kill him. Do you understand this?"

He was trying to terrify her, maybe even take the focus off the entirely unexpected things he had said before the threats. If he liked her, she really didn't want to see how he treated those he didn't.

Alexis spoke softly, making sure to remove all hesitancy from her words that he would have only used to his advantage. "If you care for me, even a little, you will take me to Josh."

Sunstreaker's expression turned vengeful. He grabbed to her arm, tugged her along, down the long hallway, turned to the right, another long hallway and then onto the bridge. He took them up a ramp and onto the Cybertronian-sized helm. A screen came on that pinpointed their location, and then the location of her brother. A line was drawn between the two and he pounded his fist on the input console. The ship changed course immediately, the increased momentum almost throwing her off the helm if the Autobot didn't grab hold of her.

"There. Done," he spat out. Sunstreaker pushed her away, his straight back facing her as he simmered. "Leave me! I don't want to see you. Abandon me like everyone else has! Go get yourself killed. Go back to Thundercracker for all I care, just do it now!"

No, how he was around her wasn't all a lie. There was hurt, there was pain, and a suffering that could only come from loss. Alexis made her way around him. He refused to look at her.

"Sunstreaker. I know th..."

He was on her before she could finish, his arms wrapping so tight around her that she felt the rhythm of his heart against her chest.

"Don't leave me. Don't get yourself killed. I will do as I said. I will take your family on board." He told her with a rush of words and a dose of bitter resentment. "I have to see you. You must understand this. I must have you."

"Why? Truly?"

He didn't hesitate in his answer, his whisper of fervent words breaking away against her neck. "Because you are the last flicker of light that I have. And I find that I do not long for total darkness."

Alexis' thoughts reemerged. She could try to care for him. She could at least give him that. But Alexis also knew she would never love him, that they needed to separate. She couldn't trust him. And the idea of what he was up to frightened her, as did the aggressively consuming way he wanted her.

But those worries didn't seem as prominent with the way Sunstreaker managed to draw the chill out of her body, his hand pressing prominently against her lower back, his mouth ghosting over her pulse before painting a path of warmth along her skin. Sighing, her thoughts drifted away into a stream of oblivion.