Chapter Sixty Five – Starting Fresh

Olivia was tired of fighting with Ben. It had been three days, and each one had gotten worse. Her guilt had continued to grow until it wasn't so easily covered up with her anger. He may not have given her much opportunity to explain, but she hadn't tried very hard to do so either. There was no way he could truly understand on his own. She'd been hoping for a second chance, the opportunity to explain things. It was what had brought her over to his apartment. That and how much she missed him.

Unfortunately she wasn't going to get the chance to do anything she'd come to do because Ben wasn't home. She eventually gave up knocking and looked down sadly. There was really no other choice but to go home and try again later.

"Olivia?"

Suvi yipped excitedly as he spun around; Olivia quickly followed suit. Ben was standing partway down the hallway, staring at her in surprise. Just as shocked to see him as he was to see her, Olivia couldn't do anything but stare in return.

"What are you doing here?" Ben finally asked.

"Looking for you, but you weren't here."

"Because I was at your apartment looking for you."

Looking for her? Anger flared up again but she forced it down and reminded herself that she was here to make up with him and not start the argument anew. She couldn't let herself jump to the conclusion that he'd been looking for her to keep an eye on her or to continue trying to prove he knew better than she did. Really he could have come to her place for the same reason she'd come to his. She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

"You were? Why?"

It was like her internal struggle hadn't even happened, the conversation had continued so smoothly and calmly.

"To come and talk to you. And to listen, I guess."

"You guess?" Olivia asked him with a bit of an edge.

"I'm certainly going to try and keep my mouth shut. I want to understand your reasoning so we can get through this. My brother not so kindly informed me that I was being an idiot and couldn't understand what you go through."

Olivia smiled weakly at him.

"You were being a bit of an idiot."

"You weren't exactly being 100% reasonable either you know."

Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously, and Ben immediately backed off. Like her, he didn't want to reignite their fight.

"Sorry," he added quickly. "I didn't mean anything bad by it."

She blew out a long breath and shook her head at him. He really didn't have anything to be sorry for (or at least not anything he'd said so far that day).

"I know. And you're right."

"Why don't we go inside? Talk?"

He hurried past her and unlocked the door before stepping back to try and usher her inside. She went willingly and headed toward his couch. Ben hurried off to get them both glasses of iced tea, hoping his time away would help them both cool down. When he returned he sat down next to her. They both stayed silent for a little while, and Olivia sipped at her tea. Neither of them seemed to know how to start the conversation they both knew they needed to have. Finally Ben looked over at her and rested his hand on her leg. Olivia immediately lowered her glass and turned her full attention onto Ben.

"Will you tell me why you don't want to go out? I didn't give you much of a chance last time," he asked softly.

"Because I know what will happen if we do. It'll turn into a bigger ordeal then either of us would like."

"We can give advanced warning again. It won't be a problem."

He'd heard the argument multiple times before and there were easy ways to solve the problem in his opinion. Olivia smiled sadly and looked down, shaking her head. It was far more complicated than he thought, but she didn't think he would believe her. He couldn't understand. There was no reason for him to become used to the burning humiliation of eyes constantly focused on him. Olivia was used to it and she knew that no matter how used to it she got the feeling of being watched would never truly go away and would never truly be comfortable.

"That's not the only problem. Even if we are allowed in the fuss the other guests could throw over a dog would easily overshadow any good time we could have."

"Olivia…" Ben said in exasperation.

"Ben, I'm serious. People have thrown a fit about Suvi before. A lot of the time even after they're told he's a service dog. In their minds he's not supposed to be there. End of story."

"So they're idiots."

He said it like it was both obvious and unimportant. Olivia knew it was important, however. It still affected her, and she couldn't help feeling her irritation rise again. Ben really didn't understand.

"Being idiots doesn't stop them from complaining enough to get what they want, Ben," she growled.

"Does that mean you let them get what they want without needing to fight for it?"

Ben's own anger was rising too, and it came across loud and clear. Olivia's face hardened in response. Thankfully Ben realized how much anger had come out in his voice and immediately tried to stamp it down. He took a deep, settling breath and continued before Olivia could retaliate.

"I just want a night that's memorable," he said more softly than was completely necessary.

"So do I, but I'd rather have one that's not amazingly memorable compared to one that's memorable in a bad way."

"There's no way of knowing what will happen."

Olivia could hear the exasperation in his voice, but he'd managed to keep most of the anger out of it. She fought to do the same, explaining instead of accusing.

"You're right, but it happens more than you think. It can change really quickly too. I've started out doing something fun before, and it turned into something horrible because of someone's response to Suvi."

Ben sighed and rubbed his forehead. They weren't going to get anywhere on this track. Even if he wanted to understand he really couldn't. Olivia did a pretty good job of shielding him from the trouble that could apparently come with having Suvi around. For the most part they went to places Olivia knew wouldn't be a problem so the only real experience he had with people wanting to thrown Olivia and Suvi out was when she'd met his mother and a time or two at different restaurants. He could really only guess how bad it could be for her. That didn't mean he thought she should avoid doing things she enjoyed doing so she wouldn't risk getting berated. Elbows resting on his knees, Ben took a few minutes to think. There had to be a way to both get what they wanted.

"Alright, look," he said as he sat fully upright and turned to face her. "How about a compromise for New Year's? We won't stay at either of our places. We'll go out somewhere."

"Somewhere, huh?"

"Yes, somewhere. You pick so you know you'll be comfortable there. Do you know if your friends are doing anything?"

Olivia's face smoothed over with a calm look of peace. That she could do. If he was willing to try and understand, try and compromise for her, then she could do the same for him. Smiling softly she reached out and took his hand. She didn't need to say the words; the thank you was clear in her eyes.

"Not that I know of. Most of them will be working or at least on call. A lot of crazy shit happens on New Year's."

Ben scowled in disgust, not really wanting to think about what some of that "crazy shit" might be.

"What?" Olivia groaned in annoyance, thinking he was upset with her again.

"I just don't want to think about the crazy, sorry."

Her anger evaporated immediately. That she could understand.

"Ah. I wouldn't really recommend it, no."

"So some of my coworkers are going up to a local bar together and have a private room there. They invited us."

"Us?"

"Okay, me and anyone I want to bring with me. You don't seem to want me to talk about you much at work, so I don't."

"Is it small?"

"I think so, and they're a good group."

Olivia nodded but didn't commit to going. She didn't look all that excited about going either, but Ben had kind of expected that.

"How's this? If you come up with something better before New Year's Eve we'll do that instead. Deal?"

"Deal."

Ben grinned happily. He gripped Olivia's hand tightly and reached up with his free hand to cup her cheek. Olivia tipped her head into his touch, and Ben leaned in to kiss her. After days of heavy guilt and animosity toward Ben, his kiss was even sweeter than usual. Olivia nearly melted into it. She had him back again, and it just felt right. When Ben finally pulled away from her so they could both catch their breaths Olivia spotted his usual teasing smile on his face. God it was so good to see that again.

"What?" she almost laughed.

"Next time we get into an argument I'll need to get out the iced tea again. It works wonders."

"If it were that simple we would be set, but I don't think the iced tea had anything to do with it."

"Maybe not, but we can pretend, right?"

Before Olivia had a chance to answer Ben's lips were pressed against hers again. She didn't mind at all. Another kiss was much better than an answer about iced tea.