Chapter Sixty Eight – Grown Up Realizations

As they approached Hudson Ben couldn't help feeling a growing excitement. He was going to get to see Olivia in her element. Already he could see some changes in her. She'd grown more and more silent as they'd headed toward the university, but it wasn't nervous or uncomfortable silence. Her eyes were focused straight ahead, and her expression was hard. Ben had never seen her so serious, in control, and strong. Was this what she'd looked like when she'd been a detective? It was pretty damn impressive either way.

"Do you know where we're going?" Ben asked once they walked onto the school grounds.

Hudson wasn't that big, but it was still large enough for them to get lost.

"Yeah. It's in the same place as before. I'll check in, and then we can find somewhere off to the side to stand."

"You don't want to sit down?"

"Depends on how crowded it is. I'll need to be on the end since I'm presenting."

She didn't really want to continually move so other people could get into the row, which was likely to happen no matter how many people where there, but being on the end was necessary.

When they arrived in the small auditorium Olivia checked in and grabbed a seat in the back with Ben. She really had no idea what the main reason for the gathering was or how long it was expected to last. That was fine though. Until it was her turn she could enjoy the time with Ben and Suvi even if it was in silence. Ben was okay with that too, but only for the first half hour. After that Olivia noticed his knee bouncing and his fingers drumming silently on his thigh when his leg was still.

She rested her hand on his leg to still him and whispered, "You were the one who wanted to come."

"Sorry."

Olivia understood his restlessness. What had been discussed so far would only interest the members of the group. It was basically all upcoming events, though Olivia did think the inspirational speaker up next could be good. Hopefully whatever inspiration was being given would apply to more than just college students. If it wasn't, well, watching Ben try to amuse himself another way could be entertaining as long as he didn't draw attention to them. She would probably ban him from all future presentations if he did.

It turned out that Olivia's intuition about the upcoming speaker was correct. The presentation had been good, lighthearted and even funny at times. Thankfully the speech had ended on a more serious note. If it hadn't Olivia would have felt incredibly bad going next and destroying the mood. She headed up toward the stage as the group's director began to introduce her.

"We have one last speaker who agreed to join us on short notice. Some of you might remember her. Olivia Benson, formerly from the NYPD."

Olivia nodded her head in thanks for the introduction and turned to face the crowd of women (mostly women at least, though she did see a few men scattered throughout the audience too).

"They asked me to come tonight because I know how fun New Year's Eve can be," she began.

A cheer rang through the crowd and a few hands pumped into the air, proving clearly how much fun they had enjoyed a few nights ago. Olivia had expected as much. She would be sobering them all up in a second though.

"I also know how terrible the next day can be for some, and it's a far worse feeling than any hangover."

When she began speaking Ben was amazed. The woman he was watching was not the Olivia he knew. This woman was confident and in complete control. It was like she was born to be there, talking on that stage about such difficult topics. There was no room for self-consciousness. Somehow her words were both piercing and comforting at the same time. He was completely entranced. It felt like she was reaching into his soul as she spoke and reassuring him that he wasn't alone, and he wasn't even a victim. Ben dropped his elbows onto his knees and continued watching her, his mouth hanging slightly open. She really was amazing. He had known she had a mountain of strength buried inside of her, and watching her speak was proving that. All of her best qualities were on display, and Ben was soaking them in. Some of the facts she had shared were incredibly unsettling, like she had warned him they would be. He could consider the facts later though. Right now he wanted to enjoy watching her work. It was no wonder so many organizations wanted her for conferences.

When Olivia finished and left the stage Ben's eyes followed her. She reached their seats and smiled down at him.

"Your mouth is hanging open."

Ben touched his finger to the underside of his chin and pushed his jaw shut. Olivia's smile widened and her eyes sparkled. Sometimes his dramatics really were perfect for the situation. She trailed her hand up his shoulder and sat down next to him. They sat together holding hands while the presentation ended. As everyone started to trickle out Olivia and Ben stood, ready to leave as well. They didn't make it more than three steps.

"Olivia? Olivia… um..."

Olivia turned to find a young woman standing nervously in front of her. She was biting her lip and shifting from one foot to the other, clearly uneasy.

"Yes?" Olivia asked gently.

"Do you have a second?"

"Ah, sure. Sure." She glanced at Ben, and he nodded in understanding before sitting back down. "Let's sit down, okay?"

She led the young woman two rows forward and waved her toward a seat. Even once they were seated the tension didn't leave the young woman.

"What's your name?"

"Connie."

Olivia thought she knew where this conversation was leading, but she wasn't going to push. Connie was scared enough as it was and kept rubbing her palms across her thighs. Leaning in a little closer Olivia spoke soothingly.

"Connie, it's okay. You can talk to me."

Connie nodded jerkily but didn't look up right away. Olivia waited patiently.

"I think I was raped on New Year's Eve."

"You think?" Olivia asked in confusion. "You don't remember?"

"I do. I just didn't really think it was rape until… now. When you were speaking."

"Okay. It's okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

Connie took a deep, shaky breath and nodded. Again she stayed silent for a while, so Olivia tapped Suvi's head and pointed at Connie. Suvi understood right away and squeezed between Olivia's knees and the back of the seats from the row in front of them so he could rest his chin on Connie's knee. Her fingers tentatively ran through his fur, and she began to explain.

"My boyfriend and I went to a party. It was fine at first. We were both drinking and having a good time. It was probably around eleven when he asked me the first time. He was already kind of drunk."

"Asked?"

"If I was going to have sex with him after the party. I brushed him off for a while, but he kept asking. I didn't want to do it with him. I've had sex before, but I just didn't feel like it, you know? It was like he expected it or something, and he was totally wasted before midnight even hit. Eventually I just told him "later" so he would stop asking me about it. That seemed to work. He didn't ask again, and we enjoyed the rest of the party. At least I did. I'm pretty sure he was too drunk to remember most of it.

When we left he walked me back to my apartment and let himself in. That's when he started to get demanding. Kissing me and running his hands over me. I asked him what he was doing, and he told me it was later. He pushed me toward the couch and kept kissing me. I begged him to stop. That I didn't want to do it that night. He didn't care what I wanted. Said I should consider it a New Year's present."

Tears were streaming down Connie's face by that point. Olivia reached out to take her hand as reassurance. Connie squeezed her hand gratefully.

"I couldn't stop him. He was drunk and stronger than me. I wasn't going to win, and he was my boyfriend, so once it started I just let it happen. I thought, because of that…"

She didn't finish the statement but she didn't need to. Olivia understood. Since it had been her boyfriend and she hadn't fought back she hadn't thought it counted as rape whether she'd initially refused him or not.

"It's not your fault. Okay? Just because he was your boyfriend it doesn't mean he can take what he wants from you."

"Is."

"What?"

"He is my boyfriend."

Olivia blinked in surprise and drew back slightly. Even after what he'd done to her she still considered him to be her boyfriend?

"You're still with him?"

"I haven't had the courage to end it."

Relief rushed through Olivia. It would be far easier to help Connie break up with her so called "boyfriend" if fear was the only thing keeping her from doing so. It would have been much harder to convince her she should leave him if she'd still wanted to stay with him despite what he'd done.

"Okay. Okay. We'll deal with that later. First, will you come with me to the precinct to report this? It won't be easy, it never is, but it's a first step toward getting your control back. Don't let him win."

"You'll stay?"

"Through it all if you want me to," Olivia assured her.

Connie nodded and offered Olivia a tiny smile.

Ben might have been two rows away from them, but the auditorium had mostly emptied out and was quiet. If he listened closely he could hear the entire conversation. It wasn't that he wanted to eavesdrop precisely. He just wanted to watch Olivia work again. What she'd done on stage was nothing compared to what she was doing now (and Ben had been impressed enough before). She had so much compassion.

When Olivia and Connie got up Ben did too. His eyes stayed on Olivia. She smiled warmly at him, though there was a hint of sadness in her dark eyes. Considering what she'd just heard though…

"Is this your husband?" Connie asked Olivia.

"Boyfriend," Olivia corrected.

She noticed the pleased look on Ben's face after the husband comment but decided not to comment on it. Right now she needed to focus on Connie.

"Do you mind if he shares a cab with us?"

"No. That's okay."

Olivia nodded and started toward the door, Connie right beside her. Ben hurried ahead of them to flag down a cab. It didn't take very long, and by the time Olivia and Connie reached the road Ben was standing there waiting with one. Only when the cabbie saw who was approaching he got out of his cab and pitched a fit.

"You want me to take three passengers and a dog? No way. Not going to happen." He pointed at Ben and Connie. "I'll take you two, but she says here with the dog."

Olivia was definitely not in the mood for this. There would be no pulling punches today. They were all getting in that cab and going to the precinct.

"You will take all of us, including my service dog. Legally you have to. If you decide to break that law and not take me, I will happily call both your boss and the police to report your noncompliance. Understood?" she stated in a voice like cold steel.

"You wouldn't dare."

The cabbie might have thought she was bluffing, but Ben knew better. She would easily do exactly what she said she would.

"She totally would dare," Ben said nonchalantly. "It'll be even easier than usual this time too since we're already on our way to the precinct. So, gonna let us in or what?"

The cabbie shot a final glare at Olivia but motioned them toward the cab. As they all piled in, with Suvi basically sitting on Ben's feet, Olivia squeezed Ben's hand in thanks. They rode down to the precinct in silence. When they arrived all three got out, though Ben remained near the cab. Olivia turned back toward him.

"You should go home. This could take a while."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Will you text me when you get home?"

Olivia sighed and tipped her head to the side in mild exasperation.

"I'll be fine getting home on my own you know."

"I know, but after all of the statistics you gave me today? Humor me, please."

She was already expecting him to have a rough night after everything he'd just heard. Now with her not returning with him he was sure to struggle even more. She didn't want to leave him with that anxiety if she had an easy way to prevent it. Sending him a text message would be easy enough and would do a lot of good.

"I think I can do that."

She gave him one final smile and turned to lead Connie inside. It was going to be a long night for Connie. And for her.