Entry no. 15: Seeking Solace

I can practically make it a stand-alone fanfic… -_-י Sequel to Running away.

SasuSaku, KakaSaku.

This fic is personally for everyone reading this. I get all the mails telling me someone has followed or reviewed this... it makes me happy.

Solamen miseris socios habuisse malorum.

Kakashi sat on his couch, reading the newest Icha Icha novel when there was a knock on his door.

Standing up to see the visitor, he set his book away.

He heard no sounds from behind the door, as if the person outside the door stood frozen.

He opened the door, finding himself face to face with his former student.

He was surprised by her appearance.

Her always painstakingly perfect short pink hair was mussed, her bangs hanging into her face, giving her somewhat gloomy appearance.

Her green eyes seemed swollen and red, indicating that she cried not long ago.

This, along with her dirty clothes and the fact that she kept standing, frozen even as he opened the door, assured him that something was wrong.

"Sakura," he said, letting the surprise soak into his voice, doing his best to ignore her state. "Hello."

She swallowed and looked up at him. "Hello, Kakashi-sensei," she answered dully.

"What do you need?"

Sakura swallowed again. "It's Sasuke."

Kakashi frowned a bit and stepped aside. "Come in."

He knew all too well about Sakura's revived love for her raven haired teammate, as well as he knew about the affection Sasuke started to feel towards her as well.

He decided to step out of this, for his own, personal reasons.

But it seemed that it came back to him by its own.

He closed the door behind the girl, turning to find her standing still in the middle of his living room.

"Sit down," he suggested, walking past her to his couch, sitting down himself.

She nodded stiffly and sat down next to him.

It wasn't Sakura.

It was someone… something else.

It was as if she was trapped, reliant on the others to tell her what to feel and what to do.

"What happened?"

Sakura turned her head to him, her expression blank.

She was in shock, or so it seemed.

Unable to come out of her shell because of the pain the reality held for her.

"He did it again," she said, almost whispered.

Kakashi was outright confused. "What?"

"He left."

Kakashi froze.

Sakura stared at him, expression indifferent, as if she wasn't looking at him at all.

And he understood.

Sakura shut away from the rest of the world, from herself and her feelings, after she's experienced the worst memory of her childhood all over again.

He understood her all too well.

If he was supposed to lose Rin and Obito again, it would be the end.

So he did the first thing that came into his mind.

He hugged her.

Sakura was like a chunk of ice in his arms, stiff and cold.

"I don't know what I did wrong," Sakura said, her vacant expression hitting Kakashi's chest hard.

He knew what she felt like.

And he knew he had no way of helping her.

"You did nothing wrong, Sakura. It's Sasuke's wrong."

Sakura didn't answer, but her head tilted just a bit, leaning on Kakashi's shoulder.

"He doesn't know what he abandoned," Kakashi continued, his eyes fixed on Sakura's nape, which was now so close to his face he could kiss it easily.

And he wanted to.

His personal reason was Sakura.

"He will return. He went after Itachi, right?"

Sakura nodded, her cheek nuzzling his shoulder.

"He will come back when he realizes what he left behind."

He felt her move a bit as she swallowed.

"He… likes you, Sakura."

A twitch.

Sakura pulled away from his embrace and looked him into eye.

"Kakashi…" she whispered.

Tears were welling up in her eyes.

Maybe she wasn't as deep as he thought.

He looked away.

She dived forward and kissed him.

Her face was damp with tears and her chin was quivering when she kept her lips locked with his in vigorous kiss.

She put her hands to his neck to keep him from pulling back, which she managed with that impossible strength of hers.

He loved every second of it, the pleasure mixing with guilt and sadness as he knew the kiss wasn't meant for him, but for Sasuke.

Same for the soft caress of her fingers in his hair, same for the tears streaming down her face.

It wasn't about him.

It was about Sasuke.

She pulled back, sorrow, anger and suppressed longing showing in those deep green eyes of hers.

He wanted to pull his mask down and kiss her again, give her what she wanted.

Make her forget Sasuke in long moments of guilty pleasure.

But he couldn't.

He wouldn't do that to her.

She was broken, but he would never let anything shatter her.

He put his hands on hers, still on his neck, and pulled them away.

Giving them one last squeeze before letting go of them, he managed a forced smile.

"It's gonna be okay, Sakura. Everything is going to be alright."

She stared at him, wide eyed, before nodding. "Yes… Kakashi-sensei."

"You should go home and get a sleep."

Still utterly confused, she nodded and stood up.

He followed her to the door and closed them behind her.

Maybe once she will realize what he had done for her today.

He was sure that anywhere she will go now, it will be the right way.

Because she was seeking solace right now, not sex.

She needed help, but not his.

He would be there for her if she needed a comrade in arms she has to rely upon.

He would be there for her if she needed an ear to listen to her worries.

He would be there for her if she needed a patient and loving lover.

He would be there for her if she sought someone to return her love.

But right now she was seeking solace.

And that was something he couldn't give her.

Because he still sought it himself.

The solace for the hapless is to have comrades in their anguish. – Spinozo

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I think I hate my writing.

I think that would be properly angsty if it was followed by my "Red AU"(previously called My Personal Cruel AU Where Everyone Dies On Sakura), where Sasuke dies in Sakrua's arms after being accidentally killed by Itachi (I've seen him in, like, three episodes, but I think he loves his brother and doesn't want to kill him. He would kill him already if he didn't.). Red AU also has Kakashi being a great support for Sakura as everyone else she loved dies. And Kakashi dying then and Sakura finally shattering, taking Kakashi's place in spending long hours at the memorial stone.

I got a little carried away. Whoa. I really start to think that Red AU deserves to be a fanfic itself. Do you?