Chapter Seventy Seven – Rolling Downhill

The flight had been wonderful, but the trip went downhill from there. She managed to get to her hotel and up to the front desk before the problems began. Thankfully even though the argument happening at the front desk was about her, it wasn't directed at her. That didn't mean she didn't hear every word while she was checking in however.

"I don't understand!" the other woman checking in whined to the employee working with her. "I was told that dogs were not allowed in this hotel."

"They aren't ma'am."

"But there's a dog right there!"

"That's a service dog, ma'am."

"So? He gets to be here and my poor Pedro has to be separated from me. They are both dogs, and I need my Pedro. I truly don't see the difference!"

Olivia never had the chance to hear the end of the conversation. Once she was given her room key she headed for her room as quickly as possible. She didn't want to get involved. The employee she'd been working with had been thinking the same way and had gotten her set up amazingly fast. She was incredibly grateful for that. When she got to her room she put her suitcase off to the side and got Suvi settled. He had absolutely no worries and immediately set about inspecting the room. Olivia wasn't precisely worried, but she did have more concerns than he did. She sprawled on her side across the bed to watch him and couldn't help hoping her encounter at check-in would be the worst she would face.

But it wasn't. Not by a long shot.

She woke up the morning of her first presentation with her hands trembling. The shaking had only gotten worse as the day progressed. It didn't prevent her from doing her job however. She made it through the first lecture just fine, but that was when the rumors started. The speaker in the criminology class was a drug addict in withdrawal. Olivia tried not to let it bother her. They were immature college kids. Just because they should know better didn't mean they actually did. Of course it was possible they just didn't care and wanted a laugh. It hurt; the whispers, the looks, the knowledge that all they saw was the trembling. She shouldn't care that much, she knew that, but it didn't matter. Knowing it shouldn't mean anything didn't make her not care.

Olivia tried to push it all away and ignore it during her second presentation of the day. She was there to share important information, and she was going to do just that. While she was ignoring the rumor, the students weren't. They were focusing more on the drug rumors than Olivia's presentation. Right there in front of them was all the evidence they needed to support the rumor. Her hands were just as unsteady as an addict in withdrawal, and even from where they were sitting they could tell she was pale. Olivia was partway through her presentation when one of the boys in the class called her out on it.

"So what are you on, Detective? Oh, sorry. Ms. Benson."

"I'm sorry?" Olivia said icily as if she didn't know what he was trying to get at.

"Sorry, maybe I should be asking what you're not on because you've obviously missed a round or two," he laughed.

There were a few ripples of laughter throughout the rest of the class.

"So what was it? Cocaine? Heroin? I guess you were a cop, so maybe something a little easier to hide. Prescription meds?"

Olivia's eyes narrowed dangerously despite the tight, cold feeling that had taken up residence in her chest. She didn't have a chance to counter him in any way before the professor handled it himself.

"Carter, that's enough. Keep it up and you and I will be taking a trip down to the Dean's office."

"I'm sorry, professor. She just looks like she could use some help. Someone has to help them even though the rest of society wants nothing to do with them, and she was a cop even if she lost her job because of her habit."

"Carter, another word and you'll be leaving us."

Olivia barely heard the professor. Her ears were still ringing from the word "them." It had stabbed through her, leaving an aching pain she could hardly bear. She knew drug addicts. Over the course of her years at the department she'd dealt with her fair share of them. They could behave in ways Olivia didn't understand, ways that made her sick to see. So much self-destruction. Nobody thought much of druggies, and even Olivia had to admit she didn't have a very high opinion of anyone that wasted their life on drugs. Even those who turned to drugs to deal with the pain of rape were hard to deal with. Now she was being lumped in with them, and it hurt terribly. It was humiliating and degrading. About the only group of people she would have hated to be lumped in with more were sex offenders or criminals. Her confidence had been completely shattered, and her concentration was following a similar route. The rest of the lecture was all a haze. Even the professor's profuse apologies after the class had filed out didn't fully penetrate her brain. Olivia returned to her hotel room and tried to work through the pain and near suffocating constriction around her chest. It was nearly impossible to do, but it was easier than figuring out how to cope with the same teasing and insults tomorrow. She still had three more classes to present to before her job was done.

Eventually she couldn't stand the silence anymore. Silence allowed her thoughts to run wild. Desperate to get those thoughts to stop, she called Ben. There would be no hiding that something was wrong, but she should at least but able to hide how seriously she was hurting and what had caused it. When he picked up she nearly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Hey, there. How was the flight?"

It was funny how the only thing she'd been concerned about before the trip was the flight, and now that was the only thing that had gone well.

"Fine. Everyone was really great. I even met two other handlers. Volunteers who were taking puppies to service dog training facilities."

"Bet Suvi enjoyed that."

"Sort of. He was still on the job though, and I think they were a little two rowdy for his liking. He's a professional service dog after all."

Ben chuckled softly which made Olivia breathe slightly easier.

"And the presentation at the college?"

Olivia took a few seconds to decide how to phrase her answer. She wanted to be honest, but not to the extent that she set off alarms for him.

"It didn't exactly go smoothly. I'm not sure how I'm going to manage to go back and do it all again tomorrow."

"Ah. That bad, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I really want to just stop thinking about it."

"I think I can find a way to do that. Give me a minute. I'll call you back."

He hung up before she could answer. It didn't take long to find out why he had. A text message with a music file appeared in her inbox. She had only just gotten it open when he called her back.

"Kelly Clarkson?" she laughed.

"I stole it from Kinsey a while ago. Thought you might need it at some point."

"What's it about?"

"Listen to it and you'll find out. Oh, and Olivia? Treat yourself to some good room service tonight."

That's exactly what Olivia did. After eating dinner she headed out onto the balcony with Suvi. The song Ben had sent her, "The Sun Will Rise," was playing in the background while she brushed Suvi. Both the music and the repetitive motion of running a brush through Suvi's fur were incredibly soothing, and she found the tension slowly leaving her body. Considering the time of day and the fact that she was watching the sunset light up the sky rather than the sunrise, listening to that specific song was sort of comical, even ironic, but she didn't care. It was relaxing, and she was going to continue enjoying it. She'd already run through the song more times than she could count. Some of it she thought she could even sing along to now. Instead she found herself humming.

The entire song meant a lot on its own, but the second stanza made it even stronger. Ben had been through a storm that froze him in place and nearly destroyed him. Somehow he'd made it through his fiance's betrayal and had come into the light prepared to show that light to Olivia. Every time the song hit the lines "Somehow I made it here, maybe just so you could hear me say" it made her smile. Ben really was there to tell her that everything was going to be alright, no matter what she went through. He'd given her hope and faith, and he was right this time too. The sun would rise tomorrow. It would be a new day.