Entry no. 23 - Failure
Okay. I will say it. I'm SO sorry, guys! I really wanted to post updates every day and I had entries pre-written and all but DAMN YOU HIGH SCHOOL! It really IS harder than elementary, the teacher's weren't kidding. I somehow went from straight As to somewhere around B- and I don't know what I do wrong... but well... Sorry guys.
WARNINGS: Death, sadness, guilt...
He was waiting for this moment to come maybe too long.
But now this moment was here.
Two pairs of eyes, similar although they were not the same.
Two men so close to each other, even though there was an unsealable abyss separating them.
The time has come, and their paths have crossed.
But, for all they both waited for this moment for most of their lives, there was something strange about this moment.
There was no satisfaction in both of their ice-laced eyes.
There was no passion in their stances, no real emotion lay behind their words.
All they could think about at the moment was all they sacrificed to get here.
People were killed, lives were blemished, hearts were broken... their own souls lay in ruins.
And all that remained was a question.
Was it worth it?
While they stared at each other, one of them promising death to the other with all the hate he didn't really feel anymore, while the other just listened to him as he always did, as if he fed on the other one's spite, they wondered if, maybe, the other one knows the answer.
But none of them did, even though one of them still held the hope it was.
When the battle began and the final battle destined to answer that crucial question began, there were no onlookers.
If there were any, they would see the emptiness in their actions, the lack of drive. No doubt they would ponder about the cause.
What they surely wouldn't realize is that the cause was simple – they were tired.
It was too long; they waited for too long and sacrificed way too much in the meantime; even the one of them who was aware of the purpose of all that waited so long he almost forgot what was his goal.
But he was reminded.
The fibre of destiny is fragile, and even simple things can violate its delicate balance.
This time all that was needed to violate it was a question.
He didn't even know why he said it. It just simply floated in his head and was echoed through his mouth.
Why, nii-san?
So quiet you would barely understand it, but the older brother was waiting for this the whole time. For something, anything, any sign that would tell him he was right in what he did.
You would say this question wasn't enough, but it was for him.
Because even though he knew he can't answer his brother just yet, he knew the answer.
And questions that are asnwered are what give us drive to live.
So suddenly the ice lacing a pair of crimson eyes was broken.
He had the answer.
He had purpose.
He knew what he had to do.
He had to lose.
It was easy, far too easy to provide a weak spot.
But it was had, way too hard to clamp down on a reflex.
So when a hand was lifted, preparing to land the final blow, a reflex kicked in.
And in a flash, the purpose was broken.
With a silverly flash, a blade pierced through flesh, hitchlessly.
It was a stab executed with practiced grace, accurate, precise.
And fatal.
Crimson met crimson in a shared moment of panic.
A metallic taste flooded the younger brother's mouth, the taste of failure.
Crimson blood covered the older brother's hands as he laid the younger one on the ground, the colour of failure.
The world around them was silent, just a single crow was heard somewhere afar.
The sound of failure.
In a single moment, everything was ruined.
All they both aimed for, what they lived their lives for...
It was gone.
The younger one stared at his older brother, suddenly hating himself more than he hated him.
He failed.
He did all he could, he gave all he had...
And failed.
In the end, he was still the lesser one.
And the worst thing was that it was none of his older brother's fault.
The older one stared right back, hating himself as well.
He failed.
He destroyed everything as he was trying to mend it.
He loved his little brother and he destroyed him.
Somehow, everything he cared for, everything he tried to save, he brought to ruin.
Everyone thought he was perfect, and in a way, he really was, but in the reality he was a failure.
Tears trickled down a pale face, dripping down and mixing with blood.
What can he do now?
Pale fingers threaded through raven hair in the last precarious act of affection.
All he lived for is gone, it died... it's dying with his brother.
He knew more than anyone else that no one is going to heal him anymore. Even if they tried, it would be to no avail.
That perfect he is.
As the crimson eyes faded to charcoal black, the older one stood up.
There was one last thing to do, to conclude this absolute failure.
He started walking, his step slow and unsteady.
There was one last factor to be eliminated.
One last person to die.
He closed his eyes as he walked in the direction he knew they were coming from.
It was him.
Nothing will be finished, nothing accomplished until he disappears from this strange world, the world where a single sentence, a single word no less, can change everything forever.
He failed.
And now he was going to face retributions for his sacrifices.