Chapter Seventy Nine – Idiot

Olivia spent her trip home just as deep in thought as she had been on the way to the group session. The difference was this time her mind wasn't trapped on the negatives of her trip. She was busy trying to decide how to fulfill Christine's favor. Sana, one of the women in a support group, was teetering on the edge. Olivia had connected well with her during sessions. Christine had noticed that, which was why she had called on Olivia to help. Having someone else there to show they cared and offer support would hopefully push Sana back in the right direction. Neither Christine nor Olivia wanted to see Sana fall the rest of the way and crash and burn. Because Sana was one of Christine's patients, Christine hadn't been able to share any specifics with Olivia. The only way to find out details was to talk to Sana, but thankfully Olivia already knew the basics. What she did know from the sessions she'd volunteered in with Sana was enough to piece together some logical guesses about what was bothering the other woman.

Before she got back to her apartment Olivia called Sana and planned some time together for the next day. With that set up, Olivia called Ben so she could make sure it was possible to complete her homework. Ben was more than happy to meet her at her apartment. In fact, he was almost overly excited. If she wanted him to come over it meant there was a possibility she would talk to him. Not just general talking, but real talking.

"I shouldn't have even left," Ben teased when he arrived at her place again.

"Nope, you shouldn't have."

"Well, I'm not planning on leaving until tomorrow morning so we won't have to worry about that again."

"That sounds really good to me," Olivia murmured.

She wrapped her arms around him and just hung on causing Ben to smile and gently rub her back. At least she seemed to be a little bit lighter than she had been earlier.

"Christine gave me homework before I left."

Her words came out muffled since she still had her face pressed against his shirt. Ben understood what she said despite that and laughed. He was pretty sure Olivia hadn't gone in for a session of her own which made him rather grateful to Christine for noticing something was off and pursing it even though Olivia wasn't a current client.

"Homework, huh? What kind?"

"To tell you what happened at the university to bother me."

"And you needed Christine to tell you that you should do that?"

"I wanted to tell you, but I was scared and needed the push."

"You don't ever need to be scared to tell me anything."

No, of course she didn't. Even when she'd acted terribly or insulted him he hadn't done anything to make her scared. Well, he had walked away, but that had been to give them both time to cool down and think for a little while. It had been a scare that had done them both good. Now she realized that she hadn't had any reason to worry about talking to him at all.

"I know. Let's get out of the doorway, okay?"

They curled up on Olivia's couch with Suvi at their feet, and Olivia told him what had happened. The more she spoke the darker Ben's scowl became. He absolutely hated what he was hearing, both because of what had been said and what the words had done to Olivia. When she finished, her eyes still focused on the ground because she was too embarrassed to look at him, Ben pulled her into his arms.

"You should have told me sooner. I could have gotten this stupid idea of yours out of your head before now." He paused for a second and when he continued anger and threat had taken over his voice. "And I'm going to punch that little brat in the face."

"That's assault, Ben," Olivia told him with amusement.

"So was what he did to you. He has it coming now; you didn't."

"It's okay. Punching him is not worth the plane trip. Just let it go."

"Only if you do. You aren't anything like a drug addict, Liv. It's ridiculous. You're so much better than that. Beyond better. Don't doubt it. I don't think I will be able to resist calling you an idiot if you still doubt it. Just as a warning."

Olivia laughed softly and curled in against him. She draped her arm around his waist and rested her head against his shoulder.

"Somehow I think you'll call me an idiot regardless."

"Nah. An amazing idiot maybe."

"I'm not sure that's better."

"It's more appropriate. You're an amazing woman, though sometimes you can be amazingly idiotic."

"If you say so."

"I do. So there."

She burst out laughing. They'd been talking about something so serious, and he'd suddenly added in something so childish. Really she shouldn't be surprised. Ben and childish went together hand in hand most of the time. When he wasn't being childish he was being ridiculous, which was somewhat childish as well. It certainly made life interesting at least.

"So there, huh?"

"Yup," he replied and kissed her lightly. "So there."

They sat in silence curled against each other. At first Ben thought Olivia was simply content. They didn't always need to be talking or actively doing something to enjoy each other's company. He soon realized however, that Olivia's attention wasn't on relaxing against him or even drifting away in contentment. She was watching her hand and the small tremble running through it. Not liking where her head was, Ben enclosed her hand in his. When her eyes flickered up to his he lifted her hand and held it on his so she could see the trembling again.

"This isn't a sign of weakness or withdrawal, Olivia. It's a sign of bravery. Bravery and self-sacrifice. You knew the dangers of your job and you did it anyway so you could help other people." He shook her hand gently. "That's what this means."

Olivia smiled and squeezed his hand. She hadn't thought of the physical ramifications of her injury that way before, but when she considered it now she really liked it. That was something she was definitely going to need to remember.

O . o . O . o . O

Ben woke early the next morning and found Olivia still asleep. Good. He'd seen how exhausted she'd been, but she'd still had trouble falling asleep. When they'd been on the couch she'd drifted off from time to time. Once he'd ushered her into bed though she hadn't been able to shut her mind down for a long time. Considering how long it had taken her to fall asleep he was glad she was still out. She definitely needed the rest.

He gently brushed his hand over her hair, careful to be very light and tender so he wouldn't wake her. She finally looked peaceful. Hopefully he'd set her back in the right direction yesterday, but he wanted to make sure she started today right. Starting with a good foot forward could make a huge difference, and it would hopefully prevent her from backsliding. He got out of bed and dressed as quickly as possible so he would have a little bit of extra time to work with. The perfect plan was already formulating, but without a printer it was going to take more time. Whatever. He could still get it to work as long as he worked fast.

Somehow he managed to pull it all off. Before heading out the door for work he slipped back into Olivia's bedroom and set two notes on her bedside table. She would see them right when she woke up.

They were exactly what Olivia saw when she did get up. Well, that and the furry lump that was claiming the floor right where she would normally put her feet. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and rubbed Suvi's head with her toes. He tipped his head up to look at her and put his ear at a better angle for her foot. While she continued rubbing his ear Olivia pulled Ben's notes off the bedside table. There was a smaller sheet on top of the full sized one, and she started with that first.

Good morning! I hope you're getting up on the right side of the bed this morning, and if you didn't then get back in bed and try it again. Right is the hand that doesn't make an "L" just in case you needed to know. Smiling yet? You should be.

You've had enough bad words running through your head in the last few days, so I decided it's time to put some good words there instead. Something to remember, so to say. Anyway, the lyrics are underneath this note. Read them, take them to heart, try to find the song online to listen to even.

I love you. Hope you have a good day.

Curious as to what he found this time she pulled the full sheet toward her. On it were handwritten lyrics to "Unbreakable Heart" by Three Days Grace. Why was it that everything he chose to send her was so absolutely perfect? And, really, how did he even remember all of these songs? She grabbed her phone and pulled up youtube so she could play the song while she was getting dressed. Once it began playing Olivia realized it wasn't quite as perfect as she'd originally thought. While the lyrics alone were wonderful, she wasn't a big fan of the song. The lyrics were the meaningful part of it anyway so she could enjoy them simply by reading them.

Ben's morning messages had done exactly what he'd wanted them to do. Olivia's day had started happily, which was good because she was going to need every ounce of happiness possible to help improve Sana's mood. The woman was a complete mess. They were sitting on the couch together in Sana's living room, and Olivia could tell how bad it was without even trying.

"This was all supposed to be over," Sana cried. "The trial ended months ago."

Olivia rested her hand lightly on Sana's knee in an attempt to comfort her.

"Winning the case is a huge stepping stone in the recovery process. It isn't a miracle cure though. Nothing is. Recovery takes work, time, and help."

"Process," Sana said bitterly as she wiped tears from her eyes. "I'm so tired of hearing that word."

"I know."

Olivia truly was sympathetic. Not only had she seen and coached countless other women through the process, she'd been through it herself after both Harris and Archer.

"Trust Christine," she encouraged. "She knows what she's talking about, and she can help you. Trust me."

"I do trust you, but I want it all to end. I'm just so…"

"Tired of it," Olivia finished, and Sana nodded in reply.

"I don't even want to go outside anymore. It shouldn't be scary to walk out the door but it is, and I don't want it to be."

A smile flashed across Olivia's face. All she'd initially expected to offer Sana were words of comfort and support, but here was an opportunity to do more. Olivia was going to take full advantage of it.

"Well, that's what we're going to work on then."

Sana looked up at her curiously, so Olivia continued.

"We're going out."

"What?"

"We're going out somewhere. The best way to become comfortable with it again is to start by going with someone you trust. You can build up your confidence. Come on."

Olivia stood and offered Sana her hand. At first the other woman just stared at her dumbfounded, and then a touch of worry crossed her face. While Sana bit her lip and clenched her hands in uncertainty Olivia kept her hand extended. Sana's eyes lifted to search Olivia's, and Olivia smiled reassuringly.

"Trust me."

Slowly Sana reached out to take Olivia's hand and let Olivia pull her to her feet. Olivia's smile widened. During her own recovery Christine had told her not to stop walking, that she had to continue taking small steps forward. Sana was in the same position even if it was for a different reason. She needed to keep moving forward too, and she'd just decided to take a step again.