Entry no. 24: Lost and Found

As always, this is for you guys. I so hope you will enjoy it. I'm getting worse and worse at writing those... :(

SasuSaku… might not make much sense; I was a bit rusty… AU.

Sitting in a sterile white chair, she fought tears.

She always did, when she came to visit him.

Every visiting day, she would come, do something silly in hope he would react, and then come back home and cry herself into sleep.

She stared into his obsidian eyes, trying to find anything familiar in them, the dark flame of repressed passion, the tiniest flash of recognition.

But they were empty as they stared into nothingness.

When he was found in the woods and brought back to the village, she cried as well.

But she was happy, back then.

Then they allowed her to see him and she found out that in fact, he has never been found.

Because the person they brought back was lost.

It was a mere shell of a man she once loved, the soul that inhabited it misplaced.

Sakura thought maybe it was locked away somewhere, somewhere behind those eyes that had long since lost all of their beauty.

First few weeks, she wondered just what caused this, what caused Sasuke's soul to get lost in its own body.

Then she just hoped it would be found again.

And she did her best to find it.

She brought him photos of their old team, told him stories, played him music, touched him.

Everyone around her kept saying it was pointless.

But she didn't believe that, she didn't want to.

She knew that she will find him one day.

This time all she brought with her was a piece of paper.

It was blank and it reminded her so much of her lost Sasuke that it hurt her to even look at it.

But today she wouldn't be crying.

She never cried in front of him.

Folding the paper neatly in the first steps of making an origami crane, she bit her lip.

She cried a lot, as Naruto once said.

But she won't be anymore, that's something she promised herself long ago.

She looked at Sasuke, holding the paper up for him to see it.

He stared at it blankly, as always.

"It's going to be perfect," she whispered, brushing a lock of his raven hair away. "Perfect and silent." She swallowed, her eyes tracing the features of his face. "Like you."

No response came and she bit her knuckles hard once before continuing to fold the paper. Sasuke's sharp eyes observed every tiny movement, but this time there was nothing predatory in the look.

It was blank.

Like the paper in her hands.

She fought the urge to crumple it and unleash the repressed emotion that stung deep in her chest.

For Sasuke, she will be strong.

She finished the crane carefully.

It was perfect, just as she imagined it.

She held it up for him to see, putting a smile she didn't feel on her tired face.

"Look," she said softly.

And he looked.

Her hand started trembling and she had to close her eyes to escape the sight in front of her.

Sasuke, the only thing that mattered to her.

Gone.

She could be the best kunoichi in the world, she might surpass Tsunade, she might be anything…

But she couldn't save him, and that made her a failure.

She hated herself for it, for not having enough power, enough wit to figure this one out.

She actually did crumple the crane this time, grabbing Sasuke's face into her hands.

Feeling tears spill and trail down her pale cheeks, she stared; she glared into those obsidian pools.

Somewhere there.

The answer was somewhere there, in them.

The key to the lock, the ultimate solution.

She wanted to go deeper, to drown herself in those eyes.

They were the only thing that betrayed him, the only thing that always responded to her pleas, to her desperate inquiries.

But not anymore.

"Where are you, Sasuke," she whispered, don't even noticing how close to her he was now.

The love of her life, so close.

But yet so distant.

Her hands slipped into his unruly hair, ignoring how matted it was.

She pulled.

"Where are you," she repeated.

And this time it wasn't a question, but a demand.

"I…" she hissed through clenched teeth, taking in a deep breath and hissing it out as she brought their foreheads together. "I'm tired of this, Sasuke."

It ended up in a sob.

But she didn't care.

She was letting it out.

Now.

She shoved him away again.

He was like a porcelain doll, cold and unresponsive, even though he was beautiful.

Dolls like those could be easily broken, too.

And this was exactly what she wanted to.

She wanted to destroy this doll, because it represented all the pain and all the sadness in her life.

It had to go.

"I love you, Sasuke, you know?!" she yelled, crying, crushing the crane in her hand. "I love you more than my life!"

It hurt to be saying this, staring into the obsidian eyes as she waited for response that didn't come.

"I would kill for you! Die for you! I would give you anything you wanted. I would make the sky rain blood for you." Growling as the rage built up in her, she chucked the crumpled paper at him, hitting him in the forehead. She opened her mouth in a silent scream, dropping to her knees. "But that never meant anything to you…" she added quietly, quivering as the sobs overcame her.

A long time after that she looked up, at the emotionless shell watching her breaking apart.

"You know, I just realized something," she said softly, looking up at him once more.

This time, she didn't waver under the bland stare.

"The man I loved," she continued, standing up and walking up to him. "Is dead."

Putting one hand on his jaw she smiled.

It was a smile of longing.

"You," she added, leaning down and kissing his chin softly. "Are a body. Nothing else."

Straightening up again, she walked to the door, looking one last time at the perfect shell of something she once could have.

As she turned away and left, a single tear weaved its way down her cheek.

She lost Sasuke, but she found herself.

And that was a good thing, too.

Was supposed to end with Sasuke responding. Oh well… who wants an Omake?