Chapter Eighty Two – To Face Her Wrath

Ben was hunched over in a waiting room chair trying to hold himself together. Suvi was curled up under the chairs. His head was resting on top of his paws, and his eyes kept following the steps of anyone who came nearby. He'd been completely silent and still since Olivia had been rushed back into the hospital's halls. Ben had taken over the movement for him. His knee was bouncing rapidly up and down, but it was beginning to aggravate Suvi. Eventually Suvi just dropped his head onto Ben's foot and hoped the extra weight would get him to stop.

Ben's cell phone rang. And rang again. And again. Apparently Ben didn't even realize that the noise was something he should be paying attention to. Suvi huffed. Well, if Olivia wasn't around he would just have to look after Ben himself. He pulled himself up to his feet and nudged Ben's knee with his head. It took a few nudges with increasing intensity for Ben to clue in to the world.

"What is it, buddy?"

The phone was still ringing so Suvi just huffed again. Ben was going to have to figure it out from here. The ringing finally clicked, and Ben pulled out his phone.

"Ben, where the hell are you?" Cole demanded. "Mom's seriously pissed."

Ben blinked for a second and then hunched back over and dropped his head into his hand. At one point he'd realized what time it was and that he should have already been on his way to his parents' house, but it hadn't really seemed all that important at the moment. He really hadn't even thought about calling at the time to say he wouldn't make it. His mind had been swamped down with other, more important things.

"The emergency room."

"What?" Cole asked with a tone like he thought he'd heard wrong.

"I'm in the waiting room at the ER," Ben repeated weakly.

"What happened?"

Before that moment Ben had been holding it together. Cole's question was the turning point. Ben totally fell apart. His chest tightened and he could barely breathe. Why did it suddenly feel like the world was spinning out of control?

"Olivia had a… a seizure and fell down a flight of con…concrete steps."

His voice kept cracking from distress. Cole could hear how close he was to tears. No wonder he wasn't at the party yet. If things were bad, he may not show up at all.

"How is she?"

"I don't know. She was still unconscious when we got here. The doctors haven't told me anything yet."

"Damn it."

That did not sound good.

"She was bleeding, Cole," Ben said, his voice much higher pitched than normal. "Bleeding and so still."

Cole released a heavy breath as he tried to put together what he needed to do next. He had to deal with his mother, but more importantly he had to come up with some way to help Ben. His brother did not sound like he was even remotely capable of handling anything on his own at the moment.

"Okay. You stay with Olivia. I'll handle things here."

"Okay…"

"Hang in there, Ben. Let me know if you hear anything."

"Okay…"

Ben hung up and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. There had to be news soon. Hearing he didn't have to worry about the party was such a small relief that it was almost nothing at all. Getting news about Olivia would be the relief he truly needed. It wasn't coming though, and he was stuck with the agony of waiting. With hands trembling, Ben hunched over and drew in on himself. He focused on trying to keep his breathing regular and prevent his tears from leaking out and trailing down his cheeks. It was about all he could do when it came to keeping himself together, and each agonizingly slow second that passed made it harder to do.

He had no idea how much time had passed before someone came out to talk to him about Olivia.

"Olivia Benson?"

Suvi heard Olivia's name being called and scrambled out from under the chairs so he could run headlong toward the nurse. Ben almost swore and shot to his feet as well.

"Suvi, heel!"

Suvi skittered to a stop, sliding a bit on the tile, and looked back at Ben.

"Heel," Ben said again in the firmest voice he could muster.

That was enough to get Suvi to obey completely, and he plodded sadly back to Ben's side. Ben grabbed Suvi's leash and approached the nurse.

"Sorry. He's her service dog."

She looked down at Suvi a little bit sadly.

"It's alright. I'll bring you to her."

Ben nodded and hurried after her. Now that he was close to seeing Olivia he was becoming more nervous. How bad was it going to be?

"How is she?"

"We aren't completely sure yet. She definitely has a concussion and some swelling. Her being unconscious still will hopefully help reduce that. She has a cracked rib, sprained wrist, and a few stitches for the cut on her forehead. We're going to keep a close eye on her. Hopefully she'll regain consciousness soon, and when she does we'll know more about her condition."

Ben swallowed hard and nodded. Her injuries didn't sound good, but he supposed they could have been worse. A lot worse. Of course her not being awake yet scared him.

The nurse stopped outside of Olivia's door and waved toward it.

"She's right in here. Go ahead."

Ben stared at the door in silence for a moment. Suvi looked at the door too and then up at Ben before whining softly. Olivia was in there, right? So why weren't they going in? Ben rested his hand on Suvi's head like Olivia did when she was nervous and opened the door.

Olivia was just as still now as she'd been on the art museum steps. She would be just as still lying in a casket. As quickly as the thought entered his mind he forced it away. It was a terrible, awful image that nearly made him choke. Thankfully seeing her like that in a hospital bed wasn't quite as scary. At least if he didn't look at her face. The remaining smears of blood were hardly reassuring. Neither was the wrist brace or IV (which he guessed contained medication to make sure she didn't have another seizure). Ben took up a seat on her good side so he could hold the hand that wasn't injured. Suvi lay down on the far side of the room so he could see Olivia without needing to lift his head. The room remained in complete silence for a few breaths before Ben managed to speak. His voice broke on the first word.

"H-hey. I'm here and Suvi's fine so just try to rest."

He gently brushed her hair off her forehead, being careful not to touch the bandages or bruises. The bruises had darkened into large purple-brown splotches. There was a least one on every visible body part, and Ben suspected there were far more on the parts that were covered.

Unsure what else to do to comfort her (and himself really) Ben kissed her fingers and sat watching her. His mind was mostly numb, and he didn't even realize how much water was damming up in his eyes and only fractions away from becoming tears. He was still sitting like that when Clarissa walked into the room. Suvi hardly glanced up at her arrival, but even that was a bigger response than Ben's. He didn't notice her until she'd sat down on the other side of the bed. Before he could even comment on her arrival a low growl mixed with a whine issued from Suvi. Both Ben and Clarissa looked at him in surprise. They'd never heard anything that remotely sounded like a growl from Suvi until now. Ben picked up on the cause and felt his throat tighten but he had to fight to the words out anyway.

"Shift your chair over so he can still see her."

"Oh."

Clarissa scooted her chair a foot to the right and glanced over her shoulder at Suvi to make sure she was far enough to the side. He looked calm again so she focused her attention on Ben. Her brother was anything but calm.

"How bad is it?"

"Cracked rib, sprained wrist, concussion. They don't really know how serious the concussion is for sure since she hasn't woken up. I don't really think that's a good sign though."

He sounded so scared and tired that Clarissa wanted to grab onto his hand like he was holding Olivia's. Some form of serious comfort was definitely necessary.

"She's in good hands, Ben."

"Yeah," he sniffed as he reached up to brush away a tear that had slipped free. A few more snaked down his face before he managed to pull it together and stop them. "What are you doing here, Ris? Shouldn't you be at Dad's party?"

"We all figured you could use some company and support. Ryan and Cole are better at heading Mom off than I am so it made the most sense for me to come."

She was also the best one for the job. It was easy enough for her to be both a crutch and a shoulder to cry on. Ben could definitely use both. His face was nearly as white and pasty as Olivia's and pinched in strain. Little tremors were running through him too. It was Ben's eyes that scared Clarissa the most though. They looked just like they had in the days following his broken engagement. His eyes were dull and hollow, like a tunnel without the light at the end. She couldn't help thinking that he looked like a drowning man clinging onto his last weak lifeline, one that he fully expected to break any time soon. He was hurting so bad. Not that Clarissa could really blame him for being worried. Olivia looked like she'd been through a war and had been lucky to survive it. If her eyes had been open and she'd been talking the situation wouldn't seem so grim, but they weren't and she wasn't. The only way Ben could reassure himself that she was alright was to trust the doctors, and that wasn't much when they weren't sharing many details or solid facts.

"I should have caught her."

Ben's whisper pulled Clarissa's attention back to him. She frowned slightly. What was he talking about?

"Ben?"

"I was right next to her when she went down. I should have caught her, grabbed her, done something to stop her from falling all the way down the steps. If I had she wouldn't be hurt as badly. She wouldn't still be unconscious."

"Ben look at me, listen to me. You couldn't have done anything. It would have happened way too fast. Even if you'd reacted sooner it would have been too late."

"What if she never wakes up? What if she's not alright? What if the concussion made her head injury worse?"

He was almost all out panicking so Clarissa got up, grabbed his shoulder to pull him around to face her, and gripped his upper arms firmly. She could feel him trembling under her hands. Her eyes bored into his, forcing him to focus on her.

"Stop. She's going to be fine. You thinking about "what ifs" won't help anything."

"I'm scared, Ris," Ben whispered.

He let his head drop and was struggling to fight back tears again. It wasn't easy, especially with the growing pressure in his chest. A part of him had known that it was possible for Olivia to be hurt during one of her seizures, but he'd honestly never thought it would actually happen. It was the "it would never happen to me" belief. Ridiculous but still very true. Plus, she'd been fine ever since he had known her. This was a massive reality check.

Clarissa could see Ben crumbling before her eyes. She crouched down in front of him, still keeping her hands reassuringly on his arms.

Ben." She waited until his wet, shaky eyes lifted to meet her solid ones before continuing. "Let's just ignore the "if she doesn't wake up" part right now. Say her condition gets worse after this. Will it change how you feel about her?"

"No," he replied firmly.

"Then stop worrying about it. If it happens ,then you'll find a way to deal with it just like you did when you found out about her seizures."

Ben took a deep breath and nodded. She did have a point even if he wasn't so sure he'd done a very good job of dealing with the seizures. His eyes flickered back to Olivia, and he smiled. As long as she eventually woke up he would still have her, and that was what mattered.