chapter four: but she burns like rum on the fire
Rachel walked back to the control room on Quinn's heels, but Quinn was already shutting herself in her office when Rachel got there. The rush from producing dissipated faster than normal, leaving her hungry for more.
She tried to turn her attention to the board of contestants, aiming to pick another target, when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. It was Chet, letting himself into Quinn's office and closing the door behind him.
The sight made Rachel feel ill. Chet was the ever present constant in Quinn's life aside from Rachel herself, for better and worse. He was an idiot, but for reasons she never understood, Quinn went back to him again and again. Even now, even when Quinn could be rid of him, there he was, blowing up her phone and in her office.
She wasn't above admitting her was jealous. So what? That jealousy spread through her like a chill, from her shoulders down her spine, leaving her cold.
Rachel longed to be the one with her hand on the small of Quinn's back. In her fantasies, Quinn's shoulders didn't tense the way she did when Chet touched her like that. Rachel wanted to be the one with the pet names, no more 'kiddo', and the one who would get Quinn off in her office after an excellent day of producing. Her eyes lingered on the closed door for a second longer.
Crossing her arms tightly across her chest, she tried to refocus on the board, when a certain contestant's photo jumped out at her. Rachel reached out, fingers touching the edge of the glossy print. Then she searched through the contestant fact sheets until she found what she needed. The page fluttered in her hands as Rachel walked back out to set as fast as she could, her half formed plan quickly gaining clarity.
…
Quinn glanced up, expecting to see Rachel, wild eyed and flushed with a post-producing high, but instead was met by Chet.
Her shoulders tightened, pulling back to sit up straighter. Chet was persistent, texting and calling and trying to catch a moment with her on set. He said he just wanted to talk.
"You can't avoid me forever," he said.
"I'm working."
"C'mon Quinn, I just want to talk," Chet took a seat on the couch, patting the place next to him to try to draw her over,, "I want to know what happened-"
For a single, cold, horrifying moment she thought he knew about the letter- about Rachel.
"-the night you came to my house," he finished.
Quinn shit her eyes involuntary and sighed. Getting Chet involved in the whole mess was the last thing she needed. He'd want to shut down filming, or worse, he'd want her off the set. Chet wasn't homophobic per say, he wasn't violently so at least, but for as well as she knew Chet, she didn't know how he'd react to whatever she and Rachel were.
Boss and employee. Mentor and mentee. Friends. Almost lovers. Nothing. Something.
The back of her neck prickled with unexplainable heat. Just the thought of having to put it into words made her feel more vulnerable than she'd felt in years. It was like saying "I love you" for the first time but a hundred times more intense.
She weighed her options, choosing the path of least resistance as she got up to join him on the couch. She could stop this now, take the time to have one simple it's-not-me-it's-you conversation and be done.
But as she sat down, Chet took both her hands in his, "I want to know what I did wrong."
"What?"
"The night you came to my house, you left so fast I must have did something wrong. Now you've been avoiding me. If we're going to make this relationship work, communication is key," he said, "I read a book about how women need love and men need respect. But it also talks about how we communicate differently, it's like I'm talking out of a blue megaphone and you're hearing it through pink headphones."
Quinn stared at him for a long moment.
Pulling her hands from his grasp she shook her head, "No, there's no us, there's no relationship to make work. I should never came had come to your house is the first place."
"What? But Quinnie-"
"No, whatever you thought that night meant, it didn't," she pushed off the couch, "It was just sex, Chet, it didn't mean anything."
She sounded like a broken record. It was meaningless sex Chet, that kiss meant nothing to me Rachel, nothing mattered, she didn't feel anything, it wasn't real.
She wanted a drink.
"So you just used me for sex?" The way he said it made her choke back a laugh.
"Yes, I used you for sex because it was easy, just like did the exact same fucking thing to me for eight years!"
"That was different and you know it," Chet snapped, "it was more than that."
"Right, of course! It wasn't just sex, it was my ideas too, for this whole show!" Quinn spun around throwing her hands up in the air, "God, Chet, can I just do my job?"
"Sure, fine, you know what? You do that, since this job is all you care about," Chet said as he stormed out.
The glass doors rattled as he slammed them, leaving Quinn to her glass, her thoughts, and her work.
…
"So, tell me about yourself, what drew you to Everlasting?" Rachel asked and Catherine tilted her head, glancing off into the distance as she composed her thoughts.
From the glossy headshot Rachel had found tacked on the board, she knew that Catherine was beautiful with her shoulder length honey blonde hair and icy blue eyes- but in person she absolutely stunning at forty-three.
Rachel had found her milling around by the pool, not quite with the group of other girls who were chatting. The girls were bikini clad, debating whether or not to get into the pool while Catherine was wearing a light blouse and perfectly pressed capris.
Picking up a flute of champagne as she walked, Rachel has offered it to the statuesque older woman. Catherine took it, regarding Rachel as she took a sip. She seemed to recognize Rachel, but didn't say anything about it, only flashing her a small smile and agreeing to be interviewed.
Now they sat in a quiet area, champagne glass refilled, with cameras rolling.
"How'd a nice girl like me end up in a place like this?" Catherine quipped as she took a drink. Rachel laughed, obligingly.
"Between modeling and running my own company, I don't go out much," Catherine said, "I'm not one for the dating apps or emojis, I prefer getting to know someone the old fashion way- on a reality tv show."
"And what do you think of Vanessa? It looked like you two had a real connection last night," Rachel prompted.
"Vanessa is a doll. I've been following her skating career for ages and her obvious ambition is breathtakingly attractive," Catherine smiled for a moment before saying, "We didn't get very long to talk last night, though, just a few words in passing."
"Vanessa said she wants to get to know you better," lied Rachel.
"Oh that's good," Catherine shot the camera a flirty look, "I want to get to know her better as well, much, much better."
Rachel smiled, Catherine was a natural at working the camera, and a lot of what she was saying would make excellent sound bites. But she had more planned for her.
"Are you worried about your age being an issue? You are the oldest of the women competing."
Catherine waved off the question, "Maybe if I was competing for a man I'd be worried, but no I don't think my age will be an issue at all."
"What I am worried about," she leaned forward, "Is that fight everyone is talking about."
"That's not anything to worry about," Rachel replied calmly, "We have plenty of security and out psychology is talking to the people involved. We have it handled."
"Oh good," the coquettish smile returned as Catherine sat back, "what are your other questions for me?"
"No other questions," Rachel stood, motioning to the crew to stop rolling, "i just wanted to let you know that it doesn't matter what the other contestants are saying, I think Vanessa really likes you."
Catherine pause, "What are the others saying?"
"I'm not really supposed to spread stuff around but people are wondering your real reasons for being here. One of the girls heard your company's stocks aren't doing as well as normal and thought maybe this is a publicity thing," Rachel said.
"What? That's ridiculous," Catherine replied, "The market ebbs and flows and we'll be back on top in no time."
"You want some advice?"
"Of course, you've been around this game for a while,"
"Just make sure Vanessa knows you're here for her and not anything else, okay?"
…
Quinn had succeeded. She'd managed to alienate the two people in her life that made her feel human. She'd taken the sticky mess of emotions and pushed it aside, telling them that she didn't love, that she didn't feel, that the rumors were true, she really was a heartless bitch.
She'd convinced Rachel and Chet, now if she could only convince herself.
She rubbed her eyes, slumped forward with her elbows on her desk. It was only the second day of filming and she wanted to leave, disappear to L.A. and not look back. The tension stretched through her limbs like taunt ropes, knotted and pulling her tight.
"Uh, Quinn?" Madison opened the door a crack, leaning in but keeping most of the door between her and Quinn, like a shield, "There's kind of a problem. Rachel said not to get you but I thought-"
"What is it?" Quinn was out of her chair and across the room in a heartbeat.
"It's one of the girls," Madison replied and Quinn breathed a sigh of relief, "She says she's …. Straight."
"What?"
Quinn followed Madison out to a private area of the mansion, where Rachel had been filming with Kara. Kara was twirling a piece of her honey-blonde hair around her finger, looking shared and sheepish, while Rachel leaned forward, hands on her knees and tried to talk her. She straightened when Quinn and Madison joined them.
"I told you I could handle it, Madison," she said, rolling her eyes.
"Everything was going great," Madison said, "Until I mentioned maybe kissing Vanessa on the one on one- I mean if you have a one on one, Kara."
"You said on your application that you're bisexual," Quinn reminded Kara. She stared down at her, arms crossed.
"I know! I thought I could make myself be with a girl but like, I don't know," Kara shook her head, "Yeah, like girls are pretty and all that, but I don't know if I feel it?"
"Sexuality is so fluid these days," Quinn said, "Why don't you try getting to know Vanessa and see where it leads. Maybe you'll fall in love."
"I've only ever been with guys!" Kara wailed, "What if I do something wrong?"
Rachel sat down next to Kara, taking one of her hands in hers, "Just look at me okay?"
Kara bit her lip and nodded, giving Rachel her full attention. Quinn pulled her shoulders back, annoyed with the whole thing. She hated that Kara lied to her, hated that her wifey turned into a sniveling mess, hated that Rachel was looking at her like Kara was the only person in the world.
"Everything is going to be okay," Rachel said calmly, with her free hand she tucked a piece of Kara's hair behind her ear, "Just take a deep breath. You can do this."
Kara nodded, licking her lips.
Quinn's heart rate spiked. Her breath was coming in short, jagged takes.
"You trust me right?" Rachel asked and Kara nodded again. Rachel gave her a soft smile, tilting her head slightly.
"You're so pretty Kara, you're perfect and Vanessa is going to love you," she said, leaning closer, "You can do this, you're my girl okay?"
Quinn flushed, her own words thrown back in her face as she watched Rachel lean forward and gently kiss Kara. Her jaw went slack but she couldn't tear her gaze away, and just stared in sick fascination.
Kara gasped as Rachel's lips met hers, but slowly melted into the kiss, closing her eyes as she gripped Rachel's hand. Rachel tipped at Kara's lip before deepening the kiss.
Quinn felt a hot and cold wave of jealousy heat her cheeks and leave her hands clammy. The memory of the taste of Rachel's mouth was fresh in her mind, the way her lips felt, and the little noises of pleasure she made. She wanted to grab Kara by the fake extensions and rip her away from Rachel. Rachel had kissed- slept with- many a man over the years but none of them made Quinn feel as violently jealous as Kara did.
After what felt like eternity, Rachel pulled away, leaving Kara flushed and touching her own kiss brused lips with her painted fingertips. Rachel smiled and pulled her hand from Kara's to adjust her ponytail.
"There, easy right?" Rachel said, and when Kara nodded dumbly added, "How'd that feel?"
"G-good," Kara stammered, staring at Rachel with her big, watery eyes.
"You think you can kiss Vanessa if she's up for it?" asked Rachel and Kara nodded again.
"Great," Rachel got up and brushed pash Quinn, patting Madison on the arm, "She's all yours."
"Hey Quinn? Are you okay? You look kinda pale?" Madison asked. But Quinn was already off after Rachel.
"Can I get my walkie?" Quinn caught up to her in the control room, "I haven't had one all day and it feels like I'm missing a limb. And can I get some girls or guys or whatever?"
Jay tossed her a walkie, "nice moves hot lips, didn't know you swung the other way."
"Rachel!" Quinn grabbed her by the forearm, "My office, now!"
"Ow, Quinn!" Rachel only made the noises of protest as Quinn dragged her into her office, slamming the door behind them.
"What the fuck was that?" she demanded not feeling bad as she watched Rachel look away and rub her arm.
"I was just making sure Kara was on top of things, you know," Rachel shrugged, "That's what you wanted right? Kara as a wifey for Vanessa?"
"I did not want you going around locking lips with our contestants! What if Vanessa had saw? Or one of the others? Sluts get cut Rachel," said Quinn.
"Oh what, so you fuck August to keep him away from me but when I teach Kara how to kiss a girl suddenly it's an issue?" Rachel shook her head, "God you're still obsessed with me."
"And what is that supposed to mean?" The words were out of her mouth before she could think of the consequences, before she could measure the pent up tangle of dark twisted emotions that stood in front of her.
Rachel was always worked best when she was one bad day away from a breakdown and today had been some of her better work.
"It's just," Rachel looked away, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand, "I don't get it. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Despite the weird little world you made up in your head," Quinn said, "I'm not doing anything to you besides being your boss. That's what we are remember?"
Quinn paced to the other side of her desk, hands palm down on the hardwood. She needed the shield, needed to put distance between her and Rachel. If she didn't it was only a matter of time before she'd lose all resolve and make Rachel forget about little crying Kara. She itched to kiss away Rachel's tears.
"You can have Mike, Alex, James, and Jillian," added Quinn.
"And Catherine," Rachel said.
"What?"
"Catherine Hardly," said Rachel, "The model slash business woman? I want her too."
"Sure. Fine. Take the old hag too," Quinn said, "But stay away from Kara."