The Name of the Game

by Inthemadhouse

An Accident on the Football Field leads to new feelings between Finn and Kurt. This is slash, my pretties, so be forewarned.

34. Chapter 34

A/N: I'm glad to see that other people think that Will should have paid in some way for what he did to Finn. The next chapter will back up a bit, and be in Finn's POV, so we can see exactly what Sue did to him…

Kurt POV

Finn had now been gone for 8 hours. Well, seven hours, and 43 minutes, but close enough. He wasn't answering his phone and not only just for me. Rachel had tried with her phone, and Artie with his, but there had been no luck. Even Matt had tried, after pointing out to us that Finn was targeting the original members of the Glee club to accuse of being in conspiracy against him and maybe he would be more responsive to someone who joined later. It hadn't worked.

While we were had all been still standing there in shock, Coach Sylvester had come in, smirking at us all. "I heard a commotion from the hallway, is everything alright?" Every pore of her body exuded a malicious smugness.

Mr. Shue shook his head. "You." His voice was a throaty growl and for a minute I thought he was going to attack her. How could you to this to us? To Finn! What has he ever done to you?"

She wouldn't be cowed. Instead her confidence grew as she stepped right up into his face. "What did he ever do to you, William? You put drugs in the locker of a 16 year old boy, all in an attempt to force him to join an after school club. That's not recruitment, that's being drafted and I believe that was outlawed after Vietnam. Mores the pity." The last thee words were spat out with a surprising amount of venom.

Mr. Shue was trying to formulate a response, but there was really nothing for him to say. He was wrong and he had gotten caught and now we were all suffering because of it. She knew it, too, and she pushed her advantage. "Face it, Will. You were entrusted with this club, with the very welfare of minor students, and you blew it. You tricked an impressionable and, in the interest of honesty, not very bright, child just so you could win a trophy. I might be hard on my Cheerios, but at least they all know what they're signing up for. You disgust me."

For the first time, she seemed to notice the rest of us, though I knew she had always been aware that we were there. "Enjoy who's been coaching you kiddies, now that you know what he's capable of. I've already spoken to Principal Figgins, and Mr. Shuester is now removed as the head coach of the Glee club. He'll be lucky if he has a job at all by the time this is over. Also, as Assistant Coach? I quit. Have fun at your Sectionals without a male lead, a set list, or a coach. Adios, kids, I have some puppies to euthanize at the local pound." Then she was gone, her sneakers squeaking down the hallway.

We all stood there, staring at Mr. Shue and silently begging him to tell us that she was lying. Only I knew that he wasn't. That was why Finn had suddenly appeared in the Glee club, even though he clearly hadn't wanted to be there. He had given it his all though, mostly because I don't think that Finn knows how to do it any other way. Mr. Shue held up his hands. "She's right guys. I was supposed to be taking care of you, and I let my own insecurities and ego get in the way of that. I'm sorry."

Rachel shook her head. "If anyone knows pulling out all the stops to further a career, it's me. But Finn trusted you so much, how could you do that to him?"

He shook his head. "It wasn't like that. I just…I knew that Finn was talented, and that he would never join without a nudge, and I….." He shook his head. "Sue's right. I wanted to keep the Glee club going, and I did what was best for my own self instead of looking out of Finn, or even for the rest of you. I should have found a different way, but I didn't. Then Finn seemed so happy, and he was really bonding with you guys, and I just…it seemed like if I told him the truth, it would spoil everything."

Funny, that seemed to be everyone's justification for lying to Finn. It'll break Finn's heart to find out he's not the father, I can't tell him. If I tell Finn that his father committed suicide, then he'll lose his hero worship of the man. If I tell Finn that I blackmailed him into joining the Glee club by hiding drugs in his locker, he'll quit. No one gave Finn any credit for being strong enough to hear these things from the start.

"So now he can't trust you either." Quinn toyed with her hair, twirling a strand around her fingers. "He can't trust me, he can't trust Puck, he can't trust anyone. Poor Finn."

I wanted to say something rude to her, but she seemed genuinely upset by it all so I kept quiet. Plus, I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I would end up not only saying something horrible to Mr. Shue, but that I would reveal my real relationship with Finn.

Everyone kind of started talking at once, then, and I was having a hard time processing it all. The words washed over me as I looked at each person in turn. Mercedes shook her head. "You didn't nudge Finn; you pushed him as hard as you could. That was cruel." Her hands left my body so they could rest on her hips. "I might not be Finn's biggest fan all of the time, but that was just down low and dirty."

Britney touched me from the other side. "What did Coach Sylvester mean when she said that we wouldn't have a set list?"

I sighed softly. Was that really all she had gotten out of what had just happened? The threat about the set list was probably the empty one of the three.

Matt and Mike were conversing among themselves, too quiet for me to hear. They could have been discussing the situation with Finn, or girls, of even wondering if they should have just stuck with football, where there was less drama.

"Are you really not our teacher anymore?" Tina was leaning against Artie's wheelchair, her dark eyes locked on Mr. .Shue.

He held up his hands. "I guess not. I'm sorry guys, but you're going to have to figure this one out on your own."

Artie cocked his head. "But don't we need a coach?"

"Not technically. As a school aged group, we are required to have a chaperone, but our coach is not required to be present. Since the forms were filled out months ago, and Mr. Shue is listed as our coach on them, so we can squeak by there. It's a little dishonest, but that pales in the face of not being able to attend our first real competition."

I never thought I would say this, but I was actually glad for Rachel Berry and her encyclopedic knowledge of the Ohio Show Choir book. "Who's going to take us, though?"

"I can do it. I mean, the competition is in the morning, and I'm not getting married until the afternoon, so there will be plenty of time for both." Another surprise, Ms. Pillsbury was coming through for us.

"Emma, are you sure?" Mr. Shue was all but falling over her, and I spent a few minutes wondering just what it was they saw in each other. They had nothing in common and, if the rumors about her and Coach Tanaka were true, she wouldn't even put out for him. What was the attraction?

Hmm, let's see. It seems that I can name someone else who doesn't seem to have much in common with his chosen partner, and who not only won't put out, but won't even give the poor boy a blow job. Who could I possibly be thinking about?

She had me there. Santana was speaking, though, and her angry voice drowned Galinda's out. "Are you at least going to help with our set list?"

"No." Mr. Shue had tears in his eyes, though I wasn't sure what part of this entire, terrible day he was crying about. "If I help you guys after being fired as coach, and someone finds out, you'll lose your trophy. You guys are smart, and good, and you can do it yourselves. Good luck, guys, I know you'll win." He stood up to leave.

"Wait." Puck was leaning against the wall, his eyes fixed on our former teacher. "What about Finn?"

Mr. Shue shrugged. "If you know where to find him, you're doing better then I am. Should you see him, let me know so I can apologize in person, but I wouldn't count on him coming back. There's nothing to hold him here anymore."

I should have been enough to hold him to the Glee club. Finn loved me, even if he had never said the words, and he loved the other members of the club, in his own fierce, clumsy way, and I would have thought that would have held him to us, at least until Sectionals were over.

I wouldn't be so sure about that. I seem to distinctly recall the words 'I'm done with you' coming out of his mouth. Maybe he meant with you specifically, maybe he was blowing off his anger. Shit, maybe he was just talking to Shuester, but you can't be sure that you're enough to keep him any more.

There was no rational explanation for why Galinda was my best friend and voice of reason sometimes, and then could act like such an utter bitch 10 minutes later. It was one of the great mysteries of life, I guess.

"But without him, we only have 11 people. We need 12 to compete." Puck could be surprisingly logical at times. "If we can get Finny back, great. But if not, we need to get someone else, preferably another dude, and we need to do it in two days. It's not gonna happen."

"I know someone." Rachel was all but shuddering in horror. "He's the most repulsive person I know, and I doubt he can sing a note, but I can at least get him to shore up the numbers." She actually did shudder this time. "I might have to promise him my panties, though."

I had to give her credit for stepping up and taking one for the team. We all knew about Jacob Ben Israel and his creepy stalker obsession with her, and I had to admire her sacrifice (and I wasn't just talking about her underwear) in taking him aboard. She visibly cringed at the thought. "But hopefully Finn will come back."

That was my cue to leave. Finn had had enough time to cool down, and he couldn't have gotten far, not considering that I was his ride and there was still a foot of snow on the ground. "Right, well, you try and recruit Jacob, and we'll worry about the rest tomorrow. By then, Finn will have probably gotten over it."

Only Finn wasn't anywhere to be found. I checked the auditorium, even the catwalk and behind the stage, where he sometimes liked to lay on his back and look up at the ceiling, but came up empty. He wasn't in the library, he wasn't in the cafeteria, he wasn't anywhere. Frustrated, I sat down to try and call him, only to find out that he had sent me a text nearly 40 minutes earlier, probably while we were all still fighting in the practice room.

Got Home. Im Ok. Plz Dont Call. Finn.

No nicknames, no 'I love you', not even a 'Talk to you later.' Nothing but a gentle request for me to leave him alone. I sat down on one of the outside benches, not caring that my pants were getting soaked with snow. This was it; I was a single man again.

I knew I was going to cry and I would be damned if I would do it where any of the cretins of McKinley High could see me, so I walked quickly to my baby and threw her in gear. Granted, I only made it two blocks before I had to pull over and start sobbing, but at least no one was around to witness my humiliation. Of course, that meant that no one was around to comfort me either.

Finally I got so congested that I was having trouble breathing, so I forced myself to stop. I had no real proof that Finn was ready to give up on us, and even if he was, I wasn't. I was used to fighting for everything I had, and I wasn't going to let one scared, hurting, teenage boy stand in between me and happiness.

Finally! Dear God I didn't think you were ever going to grow a pair when it came to Finn Hudson! Now you sit down and you make a plan for how to get your boy back. But let me tell you something right now, before you charge in there and make things even worse. He specifically asked you to leave him alone, so do it, at least for tonight. I know you just want to help, but sometimes it's better to be able to lick your wounds in peace before you can face anyone else.

I didn't necessarily agree with her, but, then, this wasn't about me, it was about Finn and I while I knew that he didn't nurse a grudge for as long as I did, he did need longer to process everything that had happened to him. So, fine, I would let him be for a while.

Dad was already at home when I got there, which was a bit of a surprise. Still, he had started dinner, which meant I could go downstairs and get started on my face, which no doubt looked horrible after my crying jag. He poked his head out of the kitchen. "Hey, Kid, you ready for tonight?"

With everything that had happened, I had totally forgotten that Dad and I were supposed to go bowling tonight. Remembering the reason I had wanted to learn reopened the bleeding injury to my heart and I immediately started crying again. Dad rushed in and grabbed me, feeling my body gently for injuries. "What's wrong? Did someone hurt you?"

I shook my head and buried my face in his neck, crying even harder. After a few minutes I was able to choke out the word "Finn" before dissolving again.

"Finn?" Dad had never been good with sobbing kids, but he was trying and I had to accept that. "Kid, he's alright. I mean, he's just got a little case of the flu, he'll probably be alright in a day or two."

Wait, what? I drew back to look at him. "Huh?"

Now he looked as confused as I did. "Aren't you upset about Finn being sick? He looked pretty bad when I went to pick him up today."

Finn had called my father to come get him, just so he could get away from me? That implied a level of deviousness I wouldn't have given him credit for. "You came and got him? Why didn't you get me at the same time?"

"He said you were still in practice and he didn't want to make you leave early. That Carol was working a double shift and she couldn't come get him, and he just didn't think he could make it through the rest of practice. I had to pull over twice, so I hope you don't come down with the same thing."

"I'm pretty sure I won't, considering that I don't have a boyfriend any more." I managed to get that out without crying at all. See? I was getting over Finn.

"You don't have a…." He trailed off and looked deep into my eyes. "You know what, forget dinner. Why don't you come here and tell me what happened?"

And that was how I found myself sitting on the couch next to my father, trying to explain everything that had happened that day. Dad didn't interrupt once, just kept nodding and trying to get me to continue. Finally I had talked my way back to coming home, and where we were right now. Dad's face had gone from bright red with fury, to pale, to just looking sad now. "So now I don't have Finn at all. No one does."

"Well, then it might make you feel a little better to know that Finn told me he would give you a call later, that he wanted to talk to you. He wouldn't do that if he had already broken up with you, right?"

"I guess." Or he just wanted to rub salt in the wound. No, that was mean and not like Finn at all. He might have a temper, but deliberate cruelty was another thing entirely. "He's so angry with us."

"He probably thinks that you were all in on it, that you knew what that damn teacher of yours was doing. He feels betrayed, Kurt, and that's painful. You just have to make sure he understands that you didn't have anything to do with it." He paused. "Wait, you didn't have anything to do with it did you."

I shook my head minutely. "No. He was just there one day, and it was like a miracle."

"You already liked him." Dad was smiling a little bit.

"Uh-huh, I had already liked him for a while. I just never thought he would come anywhere near me."

"Because you're….gay?" I didn't miss the pause, but he did get the word out in the end. Dad was trying just as hard as he could.

"No. Because he was popular and I'm a freak." Dad started to protest, and I held up a hand. "Dad, it's true. It's alright though, I like who I am."

He nodded. "You're a tough kid, you know that?"

It was nice to finally have him notice. "Yeah."

"How about you set the table, and I give Carol Hudson a call? You know, kind of be your wingman?"

In any other circumstances, having your father be your wingman would have been beyond creepy. This time, though, wasn't a bad idea. This way I could get an idea of what was going on, but I didn't look totally desperate. "That would be good."

I did my best to eavesdrop as Dad talked to Carol, but I couldn't get enough to know what was happening. Dad cursed a few times, so I know that Finn had told her what happened. Then he was holding the phone out to me. "She wants to talk to you, kid."

Carol's voice was warm and familiar on the other line, and I wished that she was here with me, so I could get another hug. "Hi, Kurt, how are you holding up?"

"Alright. More importantly, how's Finn holding up?"

"Not so well. He's spending the night at a friend's house and he'll be staying home tomorrow. It's been made very clear that he doesn't want to speak to any members of the Glee club. However, if you were to bring his schoolwork, and show up in a boyfriend capacity, as opposed to a Glee club one, I'm pretty sure I can get you in."

"I don't think I'm his boyfriend anymore." My voice cracked as I admitted it.

"Why not? He seems to still think you're his boyfriend." She seemed puzzled and I felt a small flare of hope in my stomach.

"Really? He actually said I was still his boyfriend?" This was too good to be true.

"No, not exactly. But when he told me he didn't want to talk to anyone from the Glee club, I asked if he meant Puck, and he said yes. Then I asked if he meant Rachel, and he said yes. Then I asked if he meant you, and he didn't say anything. Finally he said that he didn't want to talk to anyone about the Glee club or Sectionals. He never said he didn't want to talk to you period. I think he wants to talk to you very badly, but he just isn't ready yet. I wouldn't be surprised if he called you tonight."

I barely managed to clamp down on a squeal of joy. "So you're letting him stay home from school tomorrow?"

She sighed. "He was so upset at the thought of having to go there and face Mr. Shuester that I had to. Kurt, honey, I don't advocate running from your problems, but sometimes taking a little while to step back and reexamine things isn't so bad. He'll be back in school on Friday, don't worry."

Friday was Sectionals. The Glee club was excused at 10 am for the 4 hour bus ride, which meant I probably wouldn't see him at all. Unless he could be convinced to see me tomorrow, when I brought his work, that was. "Ok, so I can come by tomorrow after school? He's not going to kick me out?"

"He's not going to kick you out, baby, I promise. Now why don't you put your father back on?"

I handed the phone back to Dad, just realizing that I could see a thin line of smoke coming from the direction of the kitchen. I rushed to the oven, remembering why I usually tried to do to the cooking in this family. Whatever had been in there, it was a lump of charcoal now. "Dad? You wrecked dinner." I used a decorative towel to wave away the smoke, hoping that the smoke alarm wouldn't go off. That would definitely ruin any chances I might have of listening in.

Dad must have been on to me, though, because his voice was low and his body was turned away from me, ruining any chances I might have of reading his lips. Only a few words trickled through. "Scared….inappropriate….illegal…lawsuit….Kurt….I don't know….I love you….Bye." He snapped the cell phone closed. "Kurt, I know that you're standing in the doorway eavesdropping, so don't even try to duck behind that wall."

Busted. I probably should have felt guiltier, but I just squared my shoulders and stared at him. "I want to know what's going on with my boyfriend."

"I'll tell you what's going on with your boyfriend. He's had his heart crushed over and over and over, and he has no idea who is and isn't on his side any more. That includes you, kid, so walk carefully around him. Sometimes when you're hurting, all you want is to hurt someone else, just so you get lessen the pain a little bit."

Finn had said something similar to me once, right after the last crisis he had been involved in. His words bounced around in my head, replaying softly. I get frustrated, then I get mad, then I say things that are really, really terrible. I know it, but I can't help myself. If I'm really hurting, I want to hurt the other person as bad as I do. It's horrible, but I do it

"He can accuse and scream and rage all he wants to, I don't care. He's my boyfriend and I'm not giving him up without a fight."

Dad laughed. "There's my boy. That's how us Hummel's are, you know, we don't give up easy."

I smiled back. "We don't give up at all." Then I paused and took a tentative step forward. "Dad? Can we maybe just stay home tonight and watch a movie? I just…"

"Don't feel much like going out?" At my nod, he smiled. "That's fine, I'll order a pizza. No musicals, though!"

"No musicals, I promise." That didn't leave a whole lot we could agree on, but I would find something. "And no extra cheese! Pizza can very healthy if you don't pile all that crap on it."

"Yeah, yeah." He wasn't listening, I could tell. What was it going to take before he would take some responsibility for his own health? "How about half with veggies and half pepperoni, no extra cheese?"

"Fine." Not great, but I really was working on compromising with people instead of demanding my own way. "I'll pick us a movie."

Normally I enjoyed dark, painful movies, and there was brief, spiteful, moment where I considered picking Brokeback Mountain, but that would probably just embarrass me more then it did him. Though I had to admit, just looking at the cover brought back very pleasant memories of when April Rhodes had been with us and Finn had worn that cowboy hat…hmm, maybe we could do another country number. I skimmed my fingers over the DVD jackets, and finally chose Robin Hood, Men in Tights! It was funny and light and would take my mind off of every thing that had happened today.

When Dad came back I held it up for his inspection, pleased when he smiled and nodded. "Pizza will be here in a half hour. Do you want to wait or start the movie right away?"

"Start now." He sat down on the couch, leaving enough room for me to sit next to him. I leaned against him, and, for once, he put an arm around me. "I love you, kid."

"I know. I love you, too."

We watched the movie and ate pizza quietly, just enjoying each others company. Dad cleaned up the mess while I put the DVD back and got started on my homework. I was halfway through math when my phone started ringing. The number was unfamiliar, but I answered anyway. "This is Kurt Hummel."

"Hi, Spider Monkey." It was Finn, using a nickname that I never thought I would hear again. I was never, never going to complain about being called that, even if he started doing it in front of other people.

"Finn!" This time I did squeal, but couldn't waste any time feeling embarrassed about it. "Finn where are you? Are you alright?"

He chuckled, a soft, dry, sound. There was a beeping in the background, some sound that I couldn't quite place. "I'm alright, and I'm with a friend. Look, Kurt, I'm really sorry I stormed out on you like that. I just…I couldn't handle being there anymore. I also kind of lied to your father about being sick, even though I really did puke, so tell him that I'm sorry I lied, too."

"He already knows, and he's not mad. Finn, I don't want to lose you." My voice was whisper soft.

"You aren't going to lose me. You and me, that's different from Glee of Mr. Shue or anything else that's happened. You're mine, and that isn't going to change."

"About Mr. Shue-"

He cut me off. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Ok." Even though he had just told me different, I still felt like things were still fragile between us. "Can I come by and see you tomorrow after school?"

"Uh-huh, that would be awesome." He murmured something to someone else, probably the friend he was staying with, then came back on the line. "But, Kurt, I gotta know. Did you know about the drugs? Did he tell you what he was going to do?"

"No." I made my voice strong and confident. "I swear, Finn, everyone was just as surprised as you were."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. I shouldn't have said that you all did, that wasn't fair. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe, so you didn't worry."

"Thank you, Cowboy. I'll get there tomorrow about 3:45."

We had been in practice every day this week until almost five, since Sectionals was almost here. The fact that I was able to get to his house so early should have been his cue to ask what was going on, but he didn't. Finn was pissed, and he wasn't going to acknowledge that Glee club even existed right now. I guessed I really couldn't blame him, though. He had been screwed big time. "Ok, I'll make sure I'm ready. Bye, Precious."

I wasn't ready to hang up, but Finn obviously was, so I found myself nodding. "Bye, Cowboy."

Now I had no desire to even look at my homework, but there was no way I was going to be able to stay home tomorrow. I had to be there, to see if Rachel had recruited Jacob Benn Israel to our side, and to determine just how bad things were. As much as I wanted to follow Finn's lead and storm out of the club, I knew that I couldn't. The issue was Mr. Shue, not the club, and, since he wasn't the coach any more, leaving would hurt them, not him. That thought sparked off in my brain. This was a good thing, I could tell Finn that Mr. Shue had been kicked off as coach, and he would have to come back then, right?

Don't count on it.

I tried not to, but I couldn't help but be seized by a fantasy in which Finn hear the news and immediately rushed into my arms, not caring what anyone else thought. None of the rest of it would matter, not our parents, not Mr. Shue, not any of it.

Uh-huh. Now let's come back to reality for a minute. You can't fix things for Finn, no one can. Now go over there tomorrow, and tell him how much you love him. Now's the time. Don't bring up Glee, or anything else. Just that you love him. That's all you can do. Now either do that homework or go to sleep.

Sleep sounded like a much better option, at least for now. So what if I missed one assignment. I was running a 96 average in that class, and he would drop the lowest grade anyway. Sleep would make tomorrow come faster, which would make me getting to see Finn come faster, too.

Hopefully it would go well.

When I woke up the next morning, there was a text waiting for me from Finn. Have a gud day. I smiled at his spelling attempts and texted back. C u soon.

Not soon enough.

As tempting as it was to ditch school and just go to see him, I knew I couldn't. First of all, I had no idea where he was. Both he and Carol had been very careful to only say that Finn was with a friend, not give a name, and I didn't know if he would be spending part of the day there as well. I didn't think so, considering that his friend would have to be at school, too, but you could never tell with Finn.

Mercedes met me at the door. "Where is he?"

"Home sick." She rolled her eyes at that and I held up my hands. "I know, I know, but that's what he's claiming and he has Carol backing him up on it. I'm going there after school to pull recon on the situation."

"You better. Rachel has already given Jacob Ben Israel two pairs of panties and a bra, and he's starting to creep on the rest of us. I am not sharing my delicates! At least Finn only wants your underwear."

"I'm doing my best here, Mercedes. Getting Finn through this is my priority, not getting him back to Glee. If Jacob asks for your panties, kick him in the balls. The Glee club could use another male soprano, it'll be fine."

She laughed. "Alright, do you need me to cover for you at rehearsal?"

I considered it, but decided not to. "No, I'll talk to Rachel myself. As crazy as she drives me, she'll understand that this is bigger then the two of us and our petty rivalry. Plus, there really isn't a rivalry any more, considering that I have Finn and she doesn't. So, I'll tell her what I'm doing, and that's it, whether she likes it or not." They were brave words, but we would have to see if I could follow through with them or not.

Mr. Shue was teaching Spanish, but there was no life in him. He didn't even look at any of the members of the Glee club, and barely noticed when Karofsky drew a penis on the board instead of conjugating the verb 'to play'. Honestly? For a guy who has so many problems with homosexuality, he's pretty obsessed with cocks.

I wanted to stay after and talk to Mr. Shue, and, from the sideways looks he kept shooting me, I was pretty sure that he wanted to speak to me also, but I left as soon as the bell rang. I couldn't face him right now, couldn't hear his explanations or even listen to him wishing me good luck. I was on my own, and I had to accept that.

Luckily, I managed to corner Rachel right before last period. "I'm skipping Glee rehearsal."

When she looked into my eyes, I saw a side of her that she very rarely showed to anyone. The soft, gentle side I had seen the a few weeks ago, when she had had the chance to out me in front of everyone, and had backed off instead. The side that needed other people, but didn't know how to ask. "Kurt, please. We need to stick together right now, or Glee is over. Whatever the issue is, let's try and solve it."

"I'm going to see Finn." The words were out before I could censor them. "See it he'll come back, now that Mr. Shue is gone."

The dark head shook. "He won't. He's not even answering his phone."

"Well, I have an in with him. You know that our parents are dating, and his mother asked me to bring him his homework. He can't throw me out in front of her."

She nodded once. "Tell him that we miss him, and we love him, ok?"

"I will." We just looked at each other for a minute, both debating what we should do next, how to end our encounter. Finally she broke the stalemate and wrapped her arms around me. "Take care of him, Kurt, ok?"

I nodded, squeezing her back. See, when Rachel Berry was like this, she was actually pretty likable. It was when she got stuck on herself, which was most of the time, that there was a problem.

As soon as the last bell rang, I was racing out of the school. I didn't think I had ever moved so quickly, not even when I had the hockey team chasing me. I was going to Finn, going to the man I loved, and nothing could compare to that or hold me back.

Except, as it turned out, the cop that pulled me over for doing 50 in a 35 zone. I had never once been pulled over, or gotten any kind of ticket, and I could feel myself wanting to cry. Both Britney and Santana swore that crying would get you out of almost anything, but I was pretty sure that that advice only worked for girls. So I squared my shoulders and found my license and registration. He took it back to his car, and I sighed softly. Hopefully this wasn't some sort of omen.

He reappeared and gave me back my license. "Is there a particular reason you were going so fast?"

"I'm going to go tell my boyfriend that I love him for the first time." The words came flying out before I could keep them back.

Smooth, Kurt. Very smooth. Galinda's voice was dripping with sarcasm.

The cop just stared at me, and I could feel myself turning bright red under his stare. "I mean…yeah, I guess that was what I meant."

"Telling him you love him, huh?" I saw a strange smile touching the corner of his mouth. "I'm going to let you off with a warning this time, but slow down. He's never going to say it back if you're splattered in a ditch somewhere."

"Thank you officer." I didn't miss his mutter of "fucking kids" as he turned away, but I was too excited to care. Just as soon as he was gone, I could pull back onto the road and be at Finn's in 10 minutes. I thought about that again, and changed it to 15 minutes, just to be safe.

I barely even took the time to grab my backpack with Finn's homework before racing up to the front door. Carol answered and pointed up the stairs. "He's in his room."

Finn was sprawled out over the bed, still in a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt. They didn't even match, and he had never looked better to me. His eyes rolled over to meet mine, and I was surprised at the lack of welcome in them. "Who are you?"

There was no teasing in his voice, nor anger. In fact, I could hear a genuine curiosity there, as if he really didn't know my name. "What do you mean?"

I took a few steps forward, glad when he didn't tell me to leave. He shrugged. "Well, no one is who they say they were. Mom isn't. Quinn isn't. Puck isn't. Mr. Shue isn't. Why should you be who you say you are? So, who are you?"

This I could handle. I crossed the room and laid down next to him. "I'm Kurt Hummel." I kissed his lips. "My father is dating your mother." This time I kissed his cheek. "We're in the same grade at school, and we were on the football team together this year." I pointedly said nothing about Glee or Spanish, pressing my lips to the shell of his ear. "You are my boyfriend." My lips found his neck, nipping at him. At first I was gentle, but when I felt him relaxing under my touch, I bit harder, marking him just like he had marked me a few nights ago. Suddenly I understood the appeal of being able to look at a mark on his body, and knowing that I was the one who had put it there.

"I'm your boyfriend." Finn's voice was very soft, and he rolled onto his side. I took his cue and flipped from my stomach to my side, pressing my face into his shoulder. He kissed the top of my head. "I'm your boyfriend, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else."

Then he did something that would echo in my mind for my entire life. He leaned down until his lips touched my ear, making it so I felt his words as much as I heard them. "I love you."

Never, in my wildest fantasies, had I imagined Finn saying the words first. Actually, I had mostly imagined him stammering and being unable to say the words back for at least a week. In my more depressive moments, I imagined him freaking out and ending the entire thing, telling me that he had just been fooling around, that he didn't feel the same way.

I started to giggle, which made him look up, confused and hurt. I kissed his lips again. "I was rushing over here to tell you the same thing. Shit, I got pulled over because I was driving too fast, and I almost got a ticket, and I get here and you beat me to it." I laughed again. "God, you're perfect."

"So?" Finn got the joke and smiled gently.

"So, what?"

"Are you going to tell me that you love me or not?" Now I was seeing a flash of his lopsided grin.

Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea. "I love you Finn Hudson, and I don't ever want to belong to anyone else, either."

"That's good. That's perfect actually. You're perfect, even if everything else in the world sucks."

"Thank you, Finn." I pressed my lips back to his neck, feeling the heat from where I had bitten him just a few minutes before. He must have just gotten out of the shower, because he smelled clean and good, his hair was still damp.

"Do you want to fool around now?" He was squirming from my touching him.

Oh, yeah, Finn liked sex all the time, no matter how bad things were. "Yeah, I would love to fool around now." I couldn't help but feel that whatever we did now, it would be sealing the deal.

Fooling around with Finn this time was…different. After his confession, I literally felt like I was floating, like I could do anything, even try that blow job I had been so afraid of before. I started to move but Finn shook his head. "I want to see your face."

So I kept my eyes locked on his watching the way the pupils dilated and shrank, and the way the little gold flecks popped up when he started whimpering and bucking against my hand. I didn't have to look at my hands or his body by now, and I wondered what he was seeing in my eyes, if it was the same thing I saw in his. His hands moved as smoothly as mine did, knowing exactly where to touch without having to think about it.

It was all the same, only it wasn't at all. Everything was new, Finn was new, and I felt like I was seeing something that I had never seen before. Something that was so big that it scared the crap out of me.

Welcome to love, baby. When the other person hurts, you bleed for them. You have to, it's why love works.

I wondered if that was true. I certainly felt like I was bleeding for Finn right now, even in the middle of what we were doing. Because I could see the hurt lurking in the back of his lust-darkened eyes, the pain that threatened to wash up and consume him.

Keeping my train of thought because harder and harder as my body fought Finn's hands. I wasn't sure if I was pushing closer, because I loved him so much, or if I was pushing away, because I was terrified as it all came crashing down on me, but it didn't matter, because one of his hands was behind me, holding me steady.

I stared into Finn's eyes for as long as I could, dimly aware that I was cursing under my breath, muttering words that didn't really make sense, except that they did. Also, the words 'fuck' and 'me' seemed to be a recurring theme. After what seemed like an eternity, his eyes fluttered closed, his fingers scrabbling against my back, looking for a hold and not finding one. He came with a shuddery sigh, making almost no noise. Naturally, I more then made up for it, yelping out curses until he had to put his free hand over my mouth to silence me.

For those brief minutes, with our hands on each other's bodies, everything had seemed alright. But now, with sweat and semen cooling on both of our bodies, the real world returned, and things looked more hopeless then ever. I started to tremble, the shivers racing up and down my body. It was all too much, and, no matter what he claimed, I was terrified that I was losing Finn.

His arms tightened on me and he rested his forehead against mine. "It's alright, Kurt. It's alright."

We both knew that it wasn't, but I absorbed his words anyway and willed my body to calm down. Finn adjusted the blankets so I was tucked in next to him, both of us warm under the covers. I ran my fingers through his hair and his eyes closed again. "Tell me what happened."

"You know, you were there." I knew he didn't want to talk about it, but he had to, for all of our sakes.

"I know what happened yesterday, but I want to know what happened with the drugs. I wasn't there for that, and I'm confused. I want to help you fix this, Cowboy, but I can only do that if you're honest with me."

His head shook. "You can't fix it, it's already done."

"Tell me anyway." Whether it was my fingers rubbing his back or the pleading tone in my voice, he opened his eyes and sighed heavily.

"It was right at the end of last year, you know, when Mr. Shue took over Glee?" At my nod, he kept going. "He wanted some more guys to join, because he needed 12, so he came and asked the football team. I kinda wanted to, but then Puck got all wild, and I knew it was suicide if I did it, so I wasn't going to. Plus, it sounded kinda stupid, no offense."

"None taken. So how did you get from not signing up to our auditorium?"

"Mr. Shue called me into his office and said that there had been a random locker search and I was in trouble. I didn't know why, because I wasn't hiding anything. I never hide anything, because I always get caught."

That was probably because any time he tried to lie his face gave him away before the words were all the way out. "What did they find?"

"Pot. Except it wasn't mine. I can't even stand the way that shit smells, and I sure as hell wouldn't smoke it. But he was holding it and he said it was felony to have it and that I would go to jail and they would tell my mom and I didn't want her to know and he wouldn't listen when I kept telling him that it wasn't my drugs." Finn's voice raced faster and faster as he tried to explain everything to me. "I even told him that I would, you know, pee in a cup to prove that it wasn't my drugs, but he kept saying that it wouldn't matter, that no one would believe me. Then he said that he could make it all go away, if I would join the Glee club. That it would be a secret between us."

Yeah, the sort of secret that a child molester shares with his victim. It wasn't quite that bad, but the intent had been there. Mr. Shue had used his position of authority to manipulate a child into doing what he wanted. 'Our Little Secret' was never a good thing, no matter how logical the adult could make it sound. "So you agreed."

"I agreed. Then Glee was fun, and I really liked it and I just kind of forgot about the whole thing. I mean, it all seemed like it worked out. But it didn't, because he lied. He lied and how can I ever trust him again?"

I couldn't answer that, because I didn't know. I know what I would have done, which was throw the biggest diva fit that Lima, Ohio had ever seen, get Mr. Shue fired, as well as probably suing him to top it off, but that wasn't what Finn would want, so I just shrugged. "I don't know, Cowboy."

"Coach Sylvester told me, but, you know what? I told her that I didn't believe her, because she was all evil and shit, and I knew she wanted to screw us over right before Sectionals. I knew Mr. Shue would never do that to me, never. But then she pulled out this video tape, from the security camera, and there it was. It was true."

Suddenly he pulled back, as if something new had just occurred to him. "Are you glad?" He looked right into my eyes. "That he did that? Are you glad because now there's a you and me?"

I flinched, because I wasn't sure how he wanted me to answer that. In a way, I was. If Mr. Shue had never forced Finn to join Glee, then I would have never been able to talk to him. I would have never joined the football team, never been able to tell my father that I was gay, and wouldn't be in love with Finn now. Well, I would still be in love with him, but he would be oblivious.

But was the worth his misery now? "No, I'm not glad that he did what he did. It was cruel, and it's hurting you now." I kissed the tip of his nose. "Besides, you would have succumbed to my charms eventually, whether we were in Glee together or not. After all-"I swept my arms down my body, as best I could while lying on my side. "-how could anyone resist this?"

"No one who wasn't crazy, at least." He snuggled even closer, so he could kiss me again. "So, you know how this ends. There I was, singing Grease."

"You were so, so, so, sexy doing it, too." I had been so focused on sneaking glances at Finn, that I hadn't even thrown a bitch fit when Rachel messed up my hair.

"Really? I didn't look like I was going to puke? Because, I sure felt like I was. I had never sung in front of anyone before, except Puck, and only when I was really drunk."

"Really. You didn't seem nervous at all, except maybe that Rachel would molest you."

"She tried that later. Not that I wasn't into it, then, because I kinda was, but it wasn't anything like what I feel like with you. You are special, the good kind, not the bad kind." His hand curled around mine, and I smiled.

I wasn't sure if now was the best time to bring the rest of it up, but Finn deserved total truth from me, because he wasn't going to get it from anyone else. "Can we talk about Sectionals?"

He stiffened. "No. I don't want to see Mr. Shue again, except in class, and then he can go right back to flunking me, I don't care."

"Mr. Shue isn't our coach any more." That got his attention and something flashed in his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was a petty gladness, or curiosity or even a little bit of sadness, or possibly all three, it was gone so quickly. "That was Sue Sylvester's coupe de gras. She went to Figgins and got him removed as the coach."

"How are you going to do Sectionals, then?" I didn't miss the way he said 'you' instead of 'we'.

"Ms. Pillsbury is going to take us, and I guess we'll go from there. Rachel got Jacob Ben Israel to stand in for you by promising him her undies." I was hoping that realizing he had been replaced, and by Jacob Ben Israel, creeper extraordinaire would bring Finn's inner caveman to the surface and he would demand his spot back, but it didn't work.

He just looked at me with tear-filled eyes and shook his head. "Kurt. I can't. I know how badly you want me to be able to do this, but I just can't. It's too much and please don't ask me what you want to."

"I won't." Sectionals was important to me, but nowhere nears as important as Finn was. I laid my head on his chest, and felt his fingers gently comb through my hair.

"Thanks."

"Do you want me to stay home tomorrow? I can come over and be with you." I really didn't want to do that, but I would if he asked.

"No. It's not fair for you to ask me to go, and it's not fair for me to ask you to stay." He kissed me again. "Good luck, though."

"Can I stay for dinner? I don't want to leave you right now."

"Sure. I'll bet Mom will want to invite your Dad over, though, so we might need to put our pants back on." His voice was dripping with disappointment.

It never failed to make me laugh when he pouted like that. "I love you, Cowboy." God it was freeing to finally be able to say it.

"I love you, too." Suddenly he sat up. "Oh, you'll never believe this. I was going to show it to you yesterday, but I forgot. Remember those fortune cookies we got at that naked fish place?"

"Raw fish, not naked. You make it sound all kinky. But yes, I seem to recall them."

"Yeah, well I was thinking about yours, you know about the bells? And then I thought there had to be more to it, so I googled it." He rummaged around until he found a scrap of paper with a few words scrawled on it. "Look, I found the entire quote."

It took a few minutes to decipher his handwriting, but when I did, my breath caught. Love is supposed to start with bells ringing and go downhill from there. But it was the opposite for me. There was an intense connection between us, and as we stayed together, the bells rang louder.

Finn smiled. "That's us, right? I mean, at least me. With Quinn or Rach, I would be totally bored by now, even if they were putting out like you are, but with you, I just wanna be with you all the time, even more then before. Louder bells, right?"

I tried to hide the tears that had formed by wrapping my arms around him and kissing the hollow of his throat. "Yeah, Cowboy, louder bells."

The entire Glee club was waiting for me the next morning, all wanting to know if I had managed to get Finn. I shook my head. "He wouldn't even let me bring it up."

"Fuck. You know what, Shuester's a dead man. I'm torching his apartment whether we win or not. No one fucks with my boy but me." Puck's voice was a low snarl.

"No, we'll do this as best we can, with or without Finn. We can do this, we're good." Even as Rachel spoke, she was scanning the parking lot, looking for Finn. I had anticipated this, and brought him early, dropping him off at another door 15 minutes ago. He would be able to make himself scarce until class actually started, I was sure of it.

A part of me wanted to apologize for not being able to get Finn back, but I didn't. I had made my choice based on what was best for someone else, and I was sticking by it. Artie nodded. "Ok, then, we use Jacob Ben Israel instead of Finn. We can still do it."

I wondered where everyone else was getting their confidence. Without Finn and Mr. Shue, we were screwed. Puck was taking Finn's lead vocals, but he wasn't confident with them, and the power Rachel had been given with us had already gone to her head.

The bell rang and we scattered, all going to different classes. I don't know why we were required to attend class at all, since we were all too excited to pay any attention. At ten, the loudspeaker crackled, and we were all dismissed to get to the bus. Finn fired of a quick text, wishing me good luck again, but nothing else. Karofsky made a valiant attempt to trip me, but I saw it coming and dodged his foot. He was going to have to get a little more creative if he wanted to get me.

Mr. Shue was there, going over the last few instruction with Ms. Pillsbury. He nodded at us, and we all nodded weakly back. The butterflies were slamming around in my stomach, and I knew that we couldn't do this, no matter what everyone kept telling us. We needed Finn. I picked a seat up front and sat down, staring blankly at the building

"Kurt." Mercedes was gentle, her hand coming to rest on my arm. "Baby, he's not coming."

I realized that I had been half hoping to see Finn come racing out of the building, laughing and telling me that he had changed his mind, that, no matter how upset he was, he couldn't possibly leave me to do this on my own. But he wasn't going to do it; he had made that very clear.

My voice was soft and cracking, totally defeated. "I know."