A/N: The next chapter will belong to Finn as well, as he still has a few things to sort out before Sectionals.
Finn POV
This was bad, this was so very bad. Coach Sylvester was going to kill me, and then she was going to bury me in a shallow grave out on the football field and I didn't want to die a virgin! Damn, this sucked!
"Sit down, Dimbulb." Coach Sylvester pointed to a chair, and I sat, hoping that she would leave me alive long enough that I could make a run for the door. "Can I offer you a protein shake?"
"No, thank you." Even though she was beyond scary, Mom would kill me if I wasn't polite to a lady.
She's not a lady, and don't ever suggest that she might be. Trust me, I know her better then you do.
"So, the Glee club has its Sectionals on Friday, huh? Bet you're pretty excited." She sounded casual, but I didn't believe her. Mom does the same thing when she knows I've done something wrong and she's trying to get me relaxed enough to confess.
"Yeah, I'm pretty pumped." Careful, careful.
"I'll bet Shuester is all but jumping for joy. He's probably even gotten a professional perm this time, instead of giving himself the $4.99 home job." Her hand came down on my shoulder, and I barely managed to keep from shrieking.
"I guess." I used this trick with Mom, too. The less I said, the less she could use to trip me up later.
Coach Sylvester turned her back to me and I almost bolted right there. But she had put herself between me to and the door. Damn, she's smart.
"So, here I was last month, watching the worst football team McKinley High has ever seen lose let another game, and it occurred to me to wonder why the Quarterback, who, despite sucking, has absolutely everything, would want to join the Glee club. I mean, beyond popularity, you had my head cheerleader, my Q. Tell me, Dimbulb, why would you do that?"
She looked like a veleciraptor getting ready to come in and cut my guts out. "Uh, I don't know. I like singing, and…" I trailed off there because, unless I wanted to tell her about the drugs (and I'm not that stupid, guys!) there wasn't much I could say.
"And you liked Rachel Berry?" Her fingers dug into my shoulder, and I could almost imagine the evil claws ripping through my skin. "Of course these days, it seems like that pretty little gay kid is more what you want."
I jumped, which was as good as telling her yes. She shrugged. "Let me tell you, I find all teenage sex repulsive, so I don't care who's the one getting probed. Actually, I don't care about your dating life at all, now that Q isn't part of it."
This could have been my cue to save myself by ratting Quinn out. Coach Sylvester still didn't know that she was pregnant, and if I told on her, she would lose all interest in me so she could go off and kill Quinn instead. I couldn't do that, though. I might still be pissed with her, but I can keep a secret, and Drizzle is Quinn and my's secret to keep. And Puck's, I guess. I don't know, it's kind of confusing. But I still shouldn't tattle, especially not just to get myself out of trouble. So I shrugged and looked down at my hands instead.
"Does your sudden interest in putting on the Ritz have anything to do with a certain smokable substance that was found in your locker during a trumped up locker search?"
"You know about that?" I couldn't even think before the words came out. Also, what did 'trumped up' mean? I'm kind of thinking that it's important here.
Good job, Finn, give her all the ammunition she needs to take you down. Wait, how does she know about that?
"It's my business to know everything that happens in this school that could possibly affect my Cheerios, and that includes keeping tabs on every member of your singing, dancing, love fest. By the way, did you know this school doesn't have biweekly locker checks?"
"No, I didn't know that." I still didn't understand what she was getting at, even though I was starting to feel like I should.
"Oh for Christ's sake, do I really have to spell it out for you? Kids like you are the reason our nations test scores are going down and we're being beaten by kids over in China! The only reason dear William found those drugs in your locker is because he already knew they were there. And he knew there were there because he put them there. Do you understand that, or should I draw a picture?"
"I get it!" I was a little ruder then I probably should have been, but I get really sick of people thinking I'm the dumbest guy who ever lived. "But I don't believe you."
She lies all the time, and Mr. Shue wouldn't do that to me, right? Anyway, where would he even get drugs?
Oh, I don't know, same place his wife got them? Come on Finn, you could score some in less then 15 minutes, don't think the teachers don't know where to get it.
Coach Sylvester smirked, and I started to get the feeling that it was true after all. Yeah, she lies, but only when she knows she won't be caught. If she was going to make an accusation like this, she must have something else to back it up with.
"You don't believe me? Well, kid, that might be the smartest thing you've said all year. Hell, I wouldn't believe me either. So why don't we watch a little security tape from last year?"
I didn't want to, but she already had it set up at the right place. I sat there and watched as Mr. Shue walked up to a locker and took out a tiny envelope, gently slipping it through the slats. If I squinted, I could read the small numbers on the top, the ones that made it clear that yes, that was my locker. I made the mistake of looking over at Coach Sylvester, and she shoved a paper in my hand. "Here you go, a printout of the same scene. Notice the date in the corner? I do believe that it's the day before you were officially added as a member of the McKinley High Glee club. Or am I wrong?"
She wasn't wrong. She was still evil, though. "Why would you show me this?" I felt hot and dizzy, like I might pass out.
"It's not because I hate you. Actually, despite your intellectual shortcomings, I don't have much of a problem with you personally. But I've been sitting on this little gem for close to 7 months now, just waiting for the right moment to spring it on you. Oh, at first I thought I would just take it to Figgins and just have William fired. Nice, neat, and I would have had my full budget back in time for our first game of the year."
She stopped and I knew she was waiting for me to say something. I didn't want to, but I knew that if I didn't she wouldn't let me go. "Why didn't you?" The words sounded like a robot's, but that was alright. She didn't really need me; she just wanted to bask in her own glory.
Suddenly she had her hands on the armrests of my chair, her face right in mine. I was trapped and it was all I could do not to just throw myself forward to try and get free. "Because it would be too easy. I knew that if I waited, if I let victory be right in his grasp before I took it away, it would make things even more painful. I tried a few other things of course. I tried the old divide and conquer; I sent in spies, I even tried to have my girls seduce a few of your members. Even though that didn't work, I always knew that I had this tape, and that, in the end, I would be the one who was victorious. God, your agony is sweet."
"So, what do think I'm going to do?" I really wished she would tell me, because I honestly had no idea what to do.
"That's up to you. All I can do is make sure you know the truth, anything else is all you. You just have to decide what you can live with. Now get out of my office."
That wasn't something I needed to hear twice. I almost tripped getting to my feet, and then again when I got to the door, but I didn't care. Once I got out into the hallway, I looked for Kurt, but it was totally empty. The bell must have rang and I just hadn't heard it.
Everything looked really bright and kind of blurry and I thought I might be having a stroke or something. Cause, you know that's kind of how it looks in the movies when someone's about to have a heart attack or stroke, and my heart was beating too hard and strong to be getting ready to stop.
The floor and the ceiling started to change places, and I would have collapsed if someone hadn't have grabbed me from behind. "Whoa, Finny, whoa. I've got you, take a breath." Puck eased me to sit down, our backs against the lockers. "You gonna puke, man?"
I hadn't felt like it before he opened his mouth, but now that he had made the suggestion, my stomach kind of liked it. I forced myself to breath slowly. "No." Why wasn't he in class?
"Do you think you can walk?" His hand touched my forehead, checking for a fever.
"Yeah. Where were you? " I let him help me up, though, and all but carry me down to the nurses office. Mrs. Campbell had the position today, and I was hoping that she wouldn't remember the number of free desserts I had snuck (ok, stolen) this year.
"Locker room with Kelly."
Did chicks actually like having sex in the filthy, smell, boy's locker room? Weird.
Mrs. Campbell didn't look twice at me, but that's probably just because she was afraid to get too close to me and have me puke on her. Actually, all she did was gesture faintly at the cot, so Puck was the one who took my sneakers off and wrapped the blanket around me and moved the trash can over next to me, just in case. He wanted to stay, because Puck's awesome like that when he's not being a total asshole, but she wouldn't let him. Then it was just me and my thoughts which was kind of the last thing I wanted.
But there I was, lying there in the room, which was bright even though I wanted to sleep, and staring at the cracks in the wall in front of me. I wanted to punch it. I wanted to punch Coach Sylvester. But, mostly, I wanted to punch Mr. Shue. That was, why I couldn't move. If I got up right now I would attack one of them, and I was too damn big to use violence to solve my problems. So I just laid there and looked at the wall until my eyes crossed and I had no choice but to close them. Then I guess I slept a little bit, because when I woke up, school was almost over and I had missed the whole day.
I don't know why people tell you to sleep on things when you can't make a decision. I had just gotten like 7 hours of sleep, and it hadn't done a damn thing except make me all sweaty and make it so I wasn't really sure where I was. Disorientated is the word, I think. I was still confused, still mad, still hurting. Mrs. Campbell had been replaced by another lady, one I didn't recognize and who didn't really speak English, so all I had to do was point and the door and she let me go.
Only I wasn't sure what to do once I made it out. I was too late to go to my last class, and I didn't have any way to get home. I was stuck.
Go to the library and sit quietly until schools over. It's only another 15 minutes anyway. Then you can find Kurt and he'll help you decide what to do. Don't let your temper get the better of you, no matter what.
It was a good suggestion, and it probably would have worked out really well. Kurt's good at coming up with real solutions and not flying off the handle. Well, except for when it comes to his dad, but I can't really blame him there. I was really on my way to the library to do just what Quinn-voice suggested, only I had to pass right by the practice room to do it, and when I looked in Mr. Shue was sitting there at the piano, flirting with Ms. Pillsbury.
The rage swelled back up, and I stepped into the room. Mr. Shue looked up and gave me a smile, just like always. Just like he hadn't been telling me a lie for the past 7 months. "Finn, what can I do for you?"
"How about you tell me the truth about why I'm in Glee club?" I was really proud of the fact that I didn't hit him or start crying. I just said it. Wow, I guess I'm getting better at confronting the people who think its fun to lie to me.
"I thought you liked Glee club." Mr. Shue stood up and took a single step towards me. I took one towards him and we both stopped, frozen about 5 feet from each other.
"I do. But shouldn't it have been my choice?"
Instead of answering me, he turned to Ms. Pillsbury. "Emma, why don't you go get Kurt Hummel and bring him back here?"
There wasn't any time to think about how Mr. Shue knew about me and Kurt. There was barely enough time to think about me and him. "Isn't it, like, bad of you to flirt with your coworkers? Can't you get fired for that?"
He didn't say anything, which was how I knew that I was right. "Why do I always have to follow the rules, but you don't?" Other members of the Glee club were starting to file in, apparently drawn by my yelling, but I didn't even look at them. This was between Mr. Shue and me, and if they all had to hear it, so be it.
"You lied to me! You told me that I was in trouble when I wasn't and you took all my choices away! I trusted you and you lied!" There weren't any words to tell him how deeply that hurt.
Mr. Shue's hands were up and I knew he was going to try and explain to me what had happened, but was there really anything to explain and we both knew it. I jumped a little when a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind, but I recognized Kurt right away, even when he didn't talk. His feel and his smell and his presence were all the same, all as familiar as my own. Quinn-voice had been right; I should have waited until he was here to help me with this. But it was too late now, and I couldn't back down.
Even though I didn't look at him, just his being there gave me the strength to push forward. "Tell the truth!" I wanted to scream it, but I couldn't. I cleared my throat a little and tried again, softer this time. "Please, tell the truth."
"Finn, who told you this?" I knew it, he was going to try and lie to me! If the person who told me wasn't important, he would call them a liar and think that I would believe him over them. Except I wouldn't. I would never believe him again.
Luckily, Kurt stepped in so I didn't have to. "Obviously it was Coach Sylvester."
It didn't matter who it had been. What mattered was that I knew now, and I desperately wanted someone to tell me that it wasn't true. "Yeah, it was Coach Sylvester, but I want to hear it from you."
Kurt's fingers stroked down my back, which somehow only made things worse. "Finn, calm down." Kurt was just like everyone else, was totally against me.
"Stop it, you're just placating me!"
I broke his hold, but I was careful to do it in a way that wouldn't hurt him. I just couldn't be restrained right now, not when I felt like I could blow to pieces at any minute. "No! He's lying to me!" I pointed at Mr. Shue, because I had to make Kurt understand. Then I turned back to look my teacher in the eyes. "Is it true? Just tell me, is it true?"
I didn't even need to ask. As soon as our eyes met, I read it in his eyes. "Yes. I'm the one who put the drugs in your locker."
Even though I had already known it, it was still amazingly painful to hear the words come out of his mouth. Like, getting ripped apart with a chainsaw painful. "So all that stuff you said, about it being a felony, and no one would believe me if I peed in the cup and proved I wasn't taking drugs, you just…made that up?"
Of course he did. And want to hear something worse, Finn? He might not be the only one involved in the lie. He had five people who were depending on him to bring more people in. Do you think Rachel would have helped him? Mercedes? Tina? Artie? What about Kurt? Would he have manipulated you into the club just to get a littler closer to you? Come on, you knew about his little crush on you before any of this started.
The thought of Kurt being in on it literally stole my breath, and I knew I had to get out of there. Fuck waiting for an explanation, it wasn't like there could possibly be one good enough anyway. I glared at Mr. Shue, letting him know exactly how much I hated him right now. "Screw this."
Once I said it the first time, it felt so good that I had to keep going. I turned on each of the original glee club members in turn, even Kurt. "How many of you knew? You're liars, every one of you! I'm done with you. I'm done with all of you!" I couldn't look at any of them any more, so I spun around and left, kicking over a stack of chairs so I wouldn't do something idiotic like kicking a person instead.
People might think that I'm stupid, but sometimes I'm pretty smart. I knew that people would come looking for me, especially Kurt, so I went to the one place that no one would ever think of looking: Mr. Shue's office. Then I crawled underneath his desk, so no one could see me if they looked in, and tried to get my breathing under control. What was I supposed to do now?
I couldn't call Kurt to take me home, because I didn't trust him. I couldn't call Mom because she was working a double shift and we really, really needed the money right now. I couldn't call one of my other friends, because, outside of the Glee club, I didn't have any other friends. Desperately, I scrolled through my contacts, looking for someone who could get me home.
When I got to Hummel-Garage, I paused. It was kind of wrong, to bring Burt Hummel into this because I no longer trusted his son, but I was also kind of desperate. Before I could change my mind, I hit 'send' and hoped for the best. It rang twice, then a familiar gruff voice came on the line. "Hummel Tire and Lube, this is Burt Hummel speaking."
"Hi, Mr. Hummel, uh, it's Finn."
"Hey, Finn, is everything alright? Is Kurt ok?" He sounded worried, and I had to reassure him.
"Yeah, Kurt's fine. Um, I'm not feeling very good, though, and I was wondering if you could come pick me up? It's really close to Sectionals, and I don't want Kurt to miss practice. I thought I could make it, which was why I didn't take the bus, but I'm just feeling worse and worse. Please?"
"Of course I'll come get you. I can be there in 15 minutes at the side door to the school, how does that sound?"
"Good. Thanks, Mr. Hummel, I, like, totally owe you one." The pressure in my chest eased a little, even though I still felt like puking.
"No problem kid and I keep telling you you can call me Burt."
"Ok. I'll see you in 15 minutes." I hung up the phone and just huddled there for 12 minutes, counting them off on the cell phone display. At the 10 minute mark, I sent Kurt a quick text, letting him know that I had made my own way home and that I didn't want to talk right now. Then I raced for the side door, getting there just a few minutes before Burt Hummel pulled up. It was cowardly, but I just couldn't see any of the other Glee club members right now, and I was sure that there were out looking for me.
"Thanks for the ride." I climbed in and laid my head back on the seat, praying that I wouldn't barf on the expensive leather.
He reached over and put a hand on my forehead. "You're all clammy kid, are you sure you want me to take you home? I could take the rest of the day off and bring you over to my place, set you up on the couch. I just worry about you being alone in your house if you aren't feeling well. What do you think about having a date with the flat screen?" He pulled the car around and out of the parking lot, and I released the breath I had been holding. I wasn't going to get caught.
It was really sweet of him to think of me like that, and at any other time I would have jumped at the chance. But not right now. I wanted to trust him, but I just couldn't. Not after everyone else I had trusted had turned on me, even Kurt.
"I-" Suddenly my stomach flipped. "I think you need to pull over."
"Ok, ok, just hang in there." I wiggled out of my seatbelt and got the door open just in time to puke all over the curb. Holy shit, all I had eaten today was like half a blueberry muffin, where had all of that come from? Mr. Hummel was patting my back and muttering all the right things that a parent says when you're puking, but I could barely understand him. Finally, I could breathe again and I sat back down and closed my eyes. He touched my shoulder again. "You better now?"
"I think so. Sorry." I just wanted to go home and die. Then I wouldn't have to deal with any of this.
"It's alright." He pulled over at a gas station so he could get me some water.
When we made it back to the house, I thought that he would just let me out, but he insisted on coming inside and making me comfortable on our couch with a DVD and some sprite and crackers. He laid a thick blanket over me and put a damp washcloth over my face. He was doing all the cool Mom stuff, but I guess he kind of has to be a Mom and a Dad to Kurt, so he's good at everything. "You'll call me if you need anything?"
"Yeah. Thank you, Burt."
"You're welcome, Finn. I'll call a little later to make sure you're alright." He patted my shoulder and stood up to leave.
"Wait. Could you tell Kurt that I'll call him later? I just really need a chance to rest right now."
"Sure." I listened to him go back through the kitchen and out the front door, then heard his car start up and leave. I was comfortable on the couch, but I knew that this was the first place that the members of the Glee club would come looking for me and I just couldn't take that right now.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew that they hadn't had anything to do with this. Why would they? None of them knew that I could sing, I didn't even know how Mr. Shue knew that I could sing. Even Rach might be stubborn, but she's not mean like that. Thoughtless, but not deliberately mean. Which was actually a pretty good description of me, come to think of it.
Suddenly an idea formed in the back of my mind. I knew someone who I could go to, someone who would be glad to see me and who had absolutely nothing to do with the Glee club. I groped for my phone, and dialed the familiar number. His mother answered on the third ring. "Hello?"
I made my voice be strong. "Hi, Mrs. Fretthold, can I talk to Sean?"
"Of course, Finn, I'll go get him." I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes, since it always took a while to get Sean the phone. It had to be hooked up to this special thing that held it up for him, so he could hear it and still have some privacy to talk. I wasn't feeling sick any more, probably because I wasn't lying to my mother's boyfriend, the one she really, really, liked and might want to marry one day.
"Hey Finnster, what's up?" He was always so happy to hear from me, because he didn't have that many friends any more. Most of them freaked out and kind of left after his accident. I guess I'm lucky that I didn't really know him that well before, so this was just Fretter to me.
"Uh, life kind of sucks right now; can I come over and spend the night?" I would figure out what to tell him later. Obviously, not about Kurt or anything, but maybe he would know what to do about Mr. Shue and the Glee club.
"Sucks as in never able to move again sucks?" He didn't sound mad about it or anything, but it did remind me to get my head out of my ass.
"No, not that bad. So, can I come over?"
"Sure, Finnster, you know I don't have much going on." I knew he was smiling at me, and it made me smile back. "What about school tomorrow, though?"
I couldn't even think about that right now. "I'll figure something out for that. Just let me run it by Mom, ok? I'll call you back in a few minutes."
Mom was going to be a little harder to convince, but I was pretty sure I could do it. She could never stand to hear me cry, and I knew that I was going to do it as soon as we started talking. I took a deep breath and dialed the store. "Carole Hudson, please?"
She was on almost immediately. "This is Carole."
"Hi, Mom, it's me. C-can I spend the night over at Fretter's? Please?" My voice wasn't breaking yet, but it was coming, I knew it.
"No, Finn. It's a school night." She sounded distracted, which was how she always got when she was at work.
"But, Mom…" I didn't want to tell her over the phone, but I had to or I was still going to be here when Rachel showed up. "I…I can't be here, Mom, please!" Then it all came spilling out, everything that had happened today and of course I was crying like a little bitch and I knew she had gone way over her break time, but it was worth it in the end. "Please, I just can't face any of them tomorrow. You know I only ask to ditch when I need to."
She sighed. "Finn, you can't run away from this. Even if you quit Glee, he's still your Spanish teacher and you can't change that."
I pulled out my last trick. "But, if I have to see him right now, I'm going to punch his lights out, and then I'll be suspended for a lot more then a day. This is a good, uh, tactical maneuver. Right?"
"Alright, go to Sean's. But I expect you back tomorrow, with a plan for how we are going to handle this. I'll think from my end, and you think from yours, and we will fix this, ok?"
"Ok. I love you, Mom."
"I love you, too, baby." She hung up, and I threw a bag together before calling Sean. "She said ok."
"Sweet, want my Mom to come get you?" He was always up for a sleepover, considering that he didn't have much else to do.
"Oh, yeah, I guess I do need a ride." I hadn't thought that far ahead.
"She'll be there in a few, ok? Bring your homework, and I'll give you a hand." He chuckled a little at my groan. "Come on, Finnster, you need to know this stuff."
"Yeah, yeah, ok. See you, Sean." I hung up and picked up the living room, so Mom wouldn't have to when she got home. Then I went and sat by the front door, like a pitiful little puppy waiting for its master to come home.
It took almost a half hour for Mrs. Fretthold to show up, driving that special white van that Sean despises but knows that he has to use. I made sure that I had my key and that I locked the door behind me before racing down the steps and into the passenger seat. Funny, it had been just this morning that I had done the same thing to be closer to Kurt, and had been so excited because we were picking the set list for Sectionals. Now I wasn't even in the Glee club, and I might not have Kurt, either. God life sucks.
She tried to make some small talk, but I don't really have the energy to keep up my end of the conversation so she gave up. When we pulled into the garage, I thanked her for the ride and grabbed my bag, eager to see Sean.
I knew that he would be in his room, because he doesn't usually use his chair unless he's going somewhere. I think it hurts him, but Fretter doesn't really complain in front of me. Everything I know about his condition is stuff I learned on the internet, or from research his mom gave me when I asked.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the fab-five-Finnster." No matter how shitty life is, I can look at Sean and think that if he can make it, so can I. I grinned back. "Fretter."
When I took his hand, it was kind of cold, just like always. His circulation doesn't work that good anymore, so his body is almost always cold. I ignored it though and lightly rubbed my fist to his. He couldn't feel it, but I made sure to hold his hand up so he could at least see it.
"What's up, Finnster? I know it's bad, or you wouldn't have called me on a school night. Speaking of, nice job convincing Carole to let you come, I wouldn't have thought you could do it. So, is it that girl of yours? The crazy one?"
If only the problem was Rachel. Then I would have two choices: break up with her, or stay with her. I would pick one, and everything would be alright. "No, it's not Rach. She and I kind of aren't together any more."
The way I see it, you have two choices now, too. You go back to Glee, or you quit Glee. You talk to Mr. Shuester or you don't. You have a few different issues, here, but every one of them boils down to two choices. Don't make this any harder then it has to be.
"Is it a new girl then? Finnster, you're becoming quite the playboy. First that cheerleader, then Rachel, now someone else? Is she hot?"
I so did not want to talk about Kurt right now. "Uh, I really don't want to talk about hi-her right now."
Fretter's head jerked to the side. "Come up here and sit with me."
I had actually been waiting for the invitation, so I was perfectly happy to crawl up and lay my head on his shoulder. I had to be careful how I positioned the rest of my body, since wouldn't be able to tell me if I was digging in with a knee or an elbow, but I was used to it by now. This way he didn't get a neck cramp or anything from talking to me.
Finn, the fact that you like getting in bed with another dude, even if it doesn't get you hard, should have probably been a clue that you might be kind of into guys. Actually, it should have been less a clue, and more a huge flashing neon sign. Sometimes you really are as stupid as they claim you are.
"So, is the girl giving you trouble actually a guy?" There was way too much smugness in his voice.
"What!" I jerked my head up so quickly that I smacked him under the chin and we both flinched. "Why would you ask that?"
"Dude, I have nothing better to do then lay here and speculate about every aspect of my friend's lives. Plus, you kind of stuttered back there when you said 'her'. I think you were starting to say 'him' and caught yourself. Am I right?"
"Yeah, you're right." I couldn't even look at him right now. Fretter was one of my best friends, and it would kill me to lose him today, too.
"So, is he hot?" My body relaxed in a rush, something I knew that he could feel in his chest. "Oh, come on Finnster, do you really think I care who you screw? Shit, my dick doesn't work any more, so why should I begrudge anyone else from getting some, no matter who it's from. Now let me live though you. Is he hot?"
It was nice to have someone to be able to talk with about Kurt, someone who wasn't my mother (eww) or Puck, who had plenty of nasty suggestions for us. "Kurt is perfect. And, yes, he's very hot."
"So what's the problem? He's hot, he's perfect, you're smiling like the cat that got the cream when you talk about him, so why did you come here looking like I killed your puppy?"
"First of all, that's too many animal metaphones. Second, it's not Kurt that's the problem. You know my Glee coach, Mr. Shue?" At his nod, I kept going, filling him in on everything that had happened, from the drugs in my locker to what had happened a few hours ago.
His eyes got bigger and bigger, and I knew he wanted desperately to be able to give me a hug. I lowered my head down to his chest so he could put his chin on top of it, which is how Fretter gives a hug these days. "Christ, Finn, that is a mess."
"What do I do?" I knew that he couldn't really tell me, but I wanted someone to give me a clue, since all I ever did was fuck things up when I tried to fix them myself.
"What do you want to do?" I rolled over so we could talk face to face. "Really, Bro, this is up to you. Does Glee mean enough to you that you can forgive his lie? Or not? That's really what it boils down to."
See Finn, two choices. Yes or no.
He sighed. "But, and please don't be pissed off, because I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I do think you need to go to Sectionals." I started to protest and he jerked his chin, smacking me and effectively shutting me up. "You're on a team, Finnster, and you can't just quit the team right before the big game. This isn't about you and that teacher; it's about giving your teammates what you owe them."
He was right, of course, Fretter is almost always right. I would never say this to him, or even whisper it to myself, but sometimes I think that things might have been better if it had been me who had had his accident and ended up paralyzed. I mean, he's really good at everything, and I kind of suck at most things, so maybe it wouldn't be as big of a loss if I couldn't move? But it had been him, not me, and you can't change the past. You just move on as best you can. "I know. But what if I can't?"
"You can. Really, Finn, you don't have any good excuse, except you don't want to. You got knocked down and now you're afraid to get back up and that isn't you. You're the one who just keeps trying, because that's what you do."
It all sounded so simple when he put it like that. But saying it was simple was like saying that Romeo and Juliet was simple because it was so short and the words aren't very big. It's short and the words are small, but the play, all of it, is much more then the length or the words. There's emotion in it, too, and when emotion gets in it, things get a lot harder. Hey, look! I think I just made a metaphone! Or something close, at least. I butted my forehead against his, just like when we had played football. There were no helmets this time, but it was close enough. "Ok. I just…I want it to be like none of this ever happened."
"You can't always get what you want Finnster, you know that."
"I know." That didn't stop me from wanting it, though.
"So, did I make things better or worse?" He sounded worried, and I had to reassure him. "Better. But, uh, I don't really want to talk about it any more, if that's ok."
"It's cool. So, tell me the story of how the Quarterback went from dating the head cheerleader to dating a dude. Is it kinky? Please tell me it's kinky."
The nice thing about Fretter was that he could always make me laugh. "No, it's not kinky. And, really, I'm still not quite sure how it happened, just that it did and it's good."
"Karma." I had heard the word before, but I had no idea what it meant. He must have known it, because he rolled his eyes. "It means the same as 'what goes around, comes around'. Fate knew that you were going to have a really tough few weeks, with your arm and Quinn and your dad and now this, so it sent you Kurt to help you get through it."
When he put things together like that, it really did sound like I had had a super shitty few weeks. But he was right, having Kurt kind of made up for it, in a really weird way. "That's pretty cool"
He grinned. "I know, right? I could probably be a shrink myself by now."
There was a knock at the door, and Mrs. Fretthold came in. "I'm sorry Finn, but we have some stuff to take care of. Can you wait outside for a few minutes?"
"Sure." I could help him with some things, but I kind of get that there's some stuff that he's embarrassed about, so I always stay outside. There used to be a nurse, but she's not there any more. Insurance, I think.
I was almost at the door when he spoke again. "Hey, Finnster? You might want to give Kurt a call, let him know that you're safe. Boyfriends worry about that, you know."
Oh, yeah, that might be a good idea. I pulled sat down in the hallway, trying to block out the noises of one of the scary looking machines in there. Please, please let him answer.
Tears actually formed in my eyes when I heard his familiar voice. How could I have been so cruel to him earlier? "This is Kurt Hummel."
I cleared my throat a little before I could speak. "Hi, Spider Monkey."
He squealed, even though I knew he would never admit to it later on. "Finn!" I could hear the relief in his voice, and it made me feel worse then ever. "Finn where are you? Are you alright?"
Figures that I was the one who had acted like a total douchebag, but he was still worried about me. It made me laugh, just a tiny bit. "I'm alright, and I'm with a friend. Look, Kurt, I'm really sorry I stormed out on you like that. I just…I couldn't handle being there anymore. I also kind of lied to your father about being sick, even though I really did puke, so tell him that I'm sorry I lied, too." I was praying that he would understand, and that he might even forgive me.
I was expecting him to scream at me, so I was really surprised when his voice got soft instead. "He already knows, and he's not mad. Finn, I don't want to lose you."
How could he think that? I reran what had happened in my mind, and my own words came back to me. I'm done with you. I'm done with all of you! Had Kurt thought that I meant us instead? "You aren't going to lose me. You and me, that's different from Glee of Mr. Shue or anything else that's happened. You're mine, and that isn't going to change." Kurt and I was different from anything else in the entire world. I needed him to understand how important he was to me.
"About Mr. Shue-"Now, that I didn't want to hear. If Mr. Shue wanted to talk to me, he would have to do it himself, not through Kurt.
"I don't want to talk about him." I wasn't mean, because I have a really hard time being mean to Kurt, but I just couldn't do this right now.
"Ok." He said it very softly, and I wanted to reach through the phone and put my arms around him. "Can I come by and see you tomorrow after school?"
Thank God, he understood what I needed, even without me having to say it. "Uh-huh, that would be awesome." Mrs. Fretthold stepped back out and gestured at the room, telling me that they were done. "Thanks." I turned back to Kurt. "But, Kurt, I gotta know. Did you know about the drugs? Did he tell you what he was going to do?" I hated that I asked it, and I hated even more that I was afraid to hear the answer.
"No." He didn't hesitate at all, which told me he was telling the truth. "I swear, Finn, everyone was just as surprised as you were."
Because I knew that he couldn't see me, I squeezed my eyes shut and thanked God. "Yeah, I didn't think so. I shouldn't have said that you all did, that wasn't fair. But I don't want to talk about it anymore, ok? I just wanted to let you know that I'm safe, so you didn't worry." I knew how scared he had been when I had run before, and I didn't want him to feel that way now.
"Thank you, Cowboy. I'll get there tomorrow about 3:45."
That meant he was going to ditch Glee to be with me. I shouldn't feel glad about that, but something in me did. "Ok, I'll make sure I'm ready. Bye, Precious."
He sighed a little, just like he always did when I called him that. It's cute, and I don't even think he realizes he does it. "Bye, Cowboy."
I sat there, staring at the dead phone until Fretter yelled from his room. "Finnster, what are you doing out there? Tell your boyfriend he can have phone sex some other time!"
"You just wish I'd give you some phone sex!" I stood up and came back, knowing that he would be laughing.
"Why would I need phone sex when I'm going to have that hot body in my bed tonight? Did you tell your boyfriend about that?"
There's no spare room in Fretter's house, and all of his medical stuff takes up most of the room in his, so Mrs. Fretthold always made me a little nest of blankets next to his fancy hospital bed. I always thanked her and pretended that I was going to sleep there, then crawled up with him as soon as she went to bed. His hospital bed is really, really comfy, and it's not gay or anything, because it's not like he can feel me with him. At least that's what I always told myself before. It's not like his mom doesn't know, considering that she's the one who wakes me up in the mornings, but she always tries to set me up the same way the next time. It's just what happens, I guess. "No, I didn't mention that."
"So, when can I meet him?"
"Never. You tell really embarrassing stories about me, and then he'll break up with me." I could only imagine the sorts of thing that Fretter would say to Kurt.
"Oh, come on! If all it takes to scare him off is me, then it's not a very good relationship, now is it?" He smiled and I climbed back up with him.
"Maybe soon, ok?"
"Sure." There wasn't much left for us to say, so we sat together and watched his fish. They all had names, and we had made up plenty of stories about them. Fretter nodded. "Did you see I have a new angelfish? I call her 'Titter McHighbeams'. She's the new class slut."
Yeah, they pretty much all had names like that. "She replaced Skankerella? No way!"
"Yes, it was a terrible whore-off. But Titter won by sheer virtue of being caught swimming with He-bitch, Jack Nicholson and Austin Powers all within a 20 minute time span."
"Nice." I should probably also mention that most of the stories we made up followed along those lines. "But what happened to the Chastity Bitch, I thought she was the second place skank?" Ok, in the interest of full honestly, Chastity Bitch was pretty much modeled after Quinn.
"OD'd man. Mom had to scoop her out and flush her last week." Fretter sounded deeply saddened by it. "May she rest in peace at the sewage treatment plant."
I saluted her, then picked up his hand and helped him salute, too. He smiled. "So, next set are totally going to be my gay couple. What did you say your boyfriend's name was again?"
"Kurt."
"So, have you told him you love him yet?"
"No." I really didn't know why, either. I did love him; I just hadn't said the words yet.
"Why not? I mean, Finnster, you only get so many chances to do stuff in this life."
"I know. I do love him." I snuggled against him, sleepy from watching the fish. They're hypnotizing, I swear.
"Tell him." He lightly touched the top of my head again. "Ok, so enough mushy chick stuff. Now, do you want to hear about the adventures of the algae eater?"
I really shouldn't have been tired, considering that I'd done nothing but sleep today, but I somehow fell asleep as he was telling me the story. The next thing I knew, Mrs. Fretthold was shaking me gently, and telling me that I could go have breakfast while she took care of Sean's morning stuff.
Breakfast was French toast, and I felt kind of bad that his mom had gone through so much effort and I was going to be eating by myself. Fretter usually eats in his room, because he thinks it's too much hassle for him to get into his chair and to the kitchen. I get that, some mornings I think it's too much hassle to come downstairs out of my room, and I can walk.
The two of us hung out until almost 2, him helping me with my homework (and doing a lot of sighing in frustration when I kept getting my numbers all screwed up) and making up a few new stories about the sex and lies happening in his fish tank.
Eventually, I had to go home, so I could take a shower and be ready when Kurt showed up. I was still kind of hurting, but it never hurt to be prepared, in case of emergency screwing around.
Mom had fussed over me of course, cuddling and cooing and trying to figure out what she could do to help. She was willing to file charges if I wanted, but I didn't think I did. Maybe. Maybe I did want to be that mean and selfish, I just wasn't sure right now. So I mumbled something about thinking about it and not being able to deal right now, both of which were true, and let her make me some lunch, just so she would feel like she was doing something.
After lunch and a quick shower, I looked over all of my clothes, then shrugged and put some pajamas on. It wasn't like I was going anywhere, anyway. I had just turned on a little Call of Duty, when I heard a car in the driveway.
It was Kurt and the Navigator, I recognized the engine. I bounced to my feet, and even Quinn-voice was shouting for joy. Kurt was here! Kurt was here! Kurt was back with me, which was exactly where he belonged.