chapter nine: if you were church, i'd get on my knees
The bed was king sized, a vast expanse for Quinn's small frame, but the perfect size for two women to stretch out comfortably. Nevertheless, the laid close, nearly a hair's breadth from each other, not touching.
Rachel stared. She could feel the warmth of Quinn's body, so so close to her, but still so far. She was scared, scared of whatever was haunting her, but in this moment she felt calm. Quinn was there, and for better or worse, Quinn felt home like home than any truck or other person or cabin in the woods.
She reached across the gap, fingertip barely touching Quinn's collar bone through the gap above the button of Quinn's silk pajamas. Rachel had opped for the old college sweatshirt Quinn had pulled from the back of her closet, but turned down the flannel pajama pants she'd been offered.
Quinn lifted a hand, taking Rachel's and lacing their fingers together, pressing their hands to her chest. Rachel could feel Quinn's heart beat, beating under her palm.
Tears pricked the edges of Rachel's eyes. Quinn untangled their hands to gently so she could wipe away her tears. Her hand was warm, cupping Rachel's face as she swiped away the salty tear trails with her thumb. Rachel took a shaky breath, body trembling as she tried to hold it in.
"Why is this happening?" She asked, voice cracking.
"I don't know," it was an honest answer, the words soft and sad from Quinn's lips.
An hour ago, Rachel had gone back to her truck to get some sleep, but when she'd pulled down the back, shutting herself in, she'd found that the inside of the roll up door had been wallpapered with photos of Coleman and Yael.
MURDERER, Had been written across the photos in dripping red paint, YOU KILLED US .
Rachel had all but run to Quinn's office, a panic attack building in her chest with each step. It was Quinn's gentle touch that let the floodgates burst. Once Quinn had understood what happened she took control, locking Rachel's truck and taking her back to her place.
Now they lay side by side and Rachel wanted to kiss Quinn. It was different than normal, she almost always wanted to kiss Quinn, but now she thirsted for Quinn's kiss. It was a desperate need born out of fear and fed by exhaustion. She wanted to feel safe again, she wanted to feel like she in control, and her sleep deprived brain told her that that truth was hidden in Quinn's lips.
"Rachel," Quinn said, quiet, but with a warning edge. Rachel was staring at Quinn's mouth.
Unblinking, she lifted her hand again, this time tracing a fingertip along the scar at the edge of Quinn's lip. And Quinn let her. Rachel leaned forward, closing the gap between their mouths.
Quinn closed her eyes before Rachel reached her, lips parting in anticipation of the inevitable. But she wasn't passive like on the couch. Quinn kissed back, teeth and tongue against hers, kissing Rachel back with just as much hunger and passion.
As they kissed, Rachel's hands found the buttons of Quinn's pajama top, tugging them apart. Her world was spinning out of control, but here, in Quinn's bed, she could take the control she craved.
Rachel continued popping open the buttons, rolling to straddle Quinn's waist. She ducked her head, kissing her way down Quinn's newly exposed skin as she pushed the shirt off of Quinn's shoulders.
Quinn's head fell back against the pillows with the softest sigh, her hands moving up to thread through Rachel's hair. Her fingernails scraped against Rachel's scalp as Rachel's mouth moved lower and lower along Quinn's abdomen and Rachel could hear Quinn's breathes grow sharper. Her tongue dipped into Quinn's navel and Rachel heard her gasp.
"We shouldn't," Quinn said, breathless, but not very convincingly.
Rachel moved to nuzzle Quinn's throat, "Do you want me to stop?" she asked between kisses peppered along her jawline. Rachel's knee pressed between Quinn's legs, against the heat that was pooling there. One hand braced herself on the bed and the other cupped Quinn's breast, thumb drawing slow circles.
She needed this, she needed the control. Everything felt like it was spiraling and it was only magnified by the stress and fear. But this felt right, Quinn felt right. Rachel wanted to map her body with her mouth, she wanted to learn how to elicit every little noise with her touch and tongue.
Quinn's hips twitched, pressing into Rachel's knee, grinding against her, "No,"
"No, what Quinn?"
Two fingers caught Quinn's nipple and pinched. Quinn moaned and arched up against Rachel.
"Don't stop," Quinn managed and Rachel smiled against her skin.
Rachel sat up and with a single, fluid movement, pulled off her sweatshirt, tossing it aside. Her smile widened as she saw the pretty flush that stained Quinn's cheeks.
She then moved off of her, causing Quinn to make a little sound of frustration at the loss of contact, and signaled for Quinn to lift her hips so Rachel could finish undressing her.
"You're so beautiful," Rachel murmured, not even thinking about what she was saying as her eyes raked down Quinn's body.
Leaning down she kissed Quinn again. She couldn't get enough of the taste of her lips. Quinn cupped Rachel's face in both hands, thumb swiping across Rachel's cheekbones.
"Rachel, I-" Quinn began, then stopped and pulled her in for another kiss.
As the broke apart, Rachel reached down and ran a fingertip between Quinn's already slick folds. Quinn made an impatient noise. Taking the hint, Rachel slid a single digit into her, then added a second, finding a quick pace to press into her.
The thought that she was being too rough briefly crossed her mind, but Quinn then rocked her hips, meeting Rachel's thrusts with her own as she hands balled into the sheets. She could feel Quinn's inner walls flutter around her fingers as she added a third.
Rachel pressed her thumb against Quinn's clit, hard, and Quinn gasped in pleasure. Rachel smiled, watching Quinn's face as her mouth dropped open, her messy hair fanned out across the pillow.
"Rach…" Quinn moaned, and Rachel realized just how close to orgasming she was. But, for the night, Rachel was in control. She was in control of herself, her actions, and most of all, Quinn's pleasure.
She lifted her fingers to her mouth, sucking away the juices as Quinn groaned in frustration, running a hand through her hair.
Rachel then leaned down, kissing Quinn's navel before moving lower, lower, lower-
"Fuck!" Quinn cried as Rachel kissed her clit.
One of Quinn's hands reached out blindly, managing to grab Rachel's hair. Rachel held Quinn's hips down as she swiped her tongue along Quinn's entrance.
Her mouth made quick work, tongue circling and lips leaving feather soft kisses. Her teeth grazed that most sensitive bundle of nerves, pronounced with arousal, drawing a cry of pleasure from Quinn as she came against Rachel's mouth.
Resting her cheek against the inside of Quinn's thigh, Rachel watched as Quinn relaxed onto the bed in the afterglow. She watched as her breathing calmed.
Rachel crawled up to rest her head in the crook of Quinn's neck, arms wrapped around her middle. Quinn kissed the top of her head, and began to gently pet her hair.
Closing her eyes, Rachel took a deep breath. A peace settles over her, and she felt safe and warm. As much as she enjoyed sex, there was always an air of uncertainty to it, a flash of leftover fear and anxiety from her childhood bedroom all those years ago. But with Quinn it was different. It was safe.
Quinn slowly traced soft patterns on Rachel's arm, on the curve of her hip, the top of her thigh, letting her hand drift lower and lower. Then she stopped, hovering mid air.
"Is this okay?" Quinn asked, lips moving against her scalp.
Rachel rolled her hips open, giving Quinn easier access, "Yeah," she breathed.
Quinn's hand slid lower and Rachel sighed as she felt two fingers circle her clit, slowly at first, then moving faster.
Rachel turned her head, letting her moans of pleasure become muffled in Quinn's shoulder while Quinn continued to stoke her hair. She whispered encouraging words as Rachel trembled in her arms.
"That's it, that's a good girl," Quinn said, "I've got you. That's my girl."
Her hips twitched. The heat that was pooling in her stomach felt almost unbearable, and Rachel didn't realize that she was saying Quinn's name over and over again, punctuated with begs, with "please" and "I need-".
With a gasp, Rachel came. That familiar dizzy feeling exploded behind her eyes as she limbs felt tingly. When the feeling subsided,she opened her eyes, stretching up to kiss Quinn just under her ear. Rachel felt Quinn's arm tighten around her.
With heavy eyelids, Rachel setting against Quinn's shoulder again, feeling safe and sated.
"I love you," she murmured, just as she drifted to sleep.
…
Quinn woke up to Rachel stirring in her arms, she'd rolled over, but hadn't left Quinn's embrace. Neither had dressed after sex, and the soft skin to skin contact was something Quinn hadn't had in a long time. She slowly ran a hand along the smooth skin of Rachel's hip, her face flushing at the memory of Rachel's lustful gaze taking over her body.
Rachel stilled and slept on, so Quinn pressed a gentle kiss to her bare shoulder and carefully slipped out of bed.
She dressed quietly and began to put her makeup on, every now and again stealing glances at the sleeping woman in her bed.
Quinn wanted to box up her feels for Rachel and leave it on her nightstand. She'd been able to that so easily with everyone else she'd been with, with John and Chet. But just like Rachel herself, Quinn felt like her emotions were larger than life, spiraling out of control. It was addicting and terrifying all at the same time.
She'd almost told Rachel she loved her.
It wasn't as if she hadn't told her before, hadn't grabbed her by the shoulders and said I love you, I LOVE you before firing her, but a confession of love was different when it was in the middle of a breakdown verses when it was whispered in bed.
From across the room, Rachel yawned and stretched, interrupting Quinn's thoughts. She blinked up at the ceiling for a moment before Quinn said, "It's about time you got up."
Rachel pulled the sheet around her, sitting up. Quinn turned back to her makeup but she could feel Rachel watching her. She didn't have glanced over to know what look it was, either. She was studying Quinn, probably trying to figure out where they stood after last night's events.
As if Quinn knew.
After a few minutes, Rachel rolled out of bed and walked over to lean against the bathroom door frame, all while dragging the sheet with her.
Quinn glanced at her in the mirror. With her shoes off, Quinn was shorter than Rachel by a couple inches. Rachel met her gaze, then stepped forward, leaning down to kiss Quinn's shoulder, exposed in her sleeveless dress.
"Stop that," Said Quinn, a slightly annoyed lilt to her voice, still rough from sleep.
"Stop what?" Rachel asked.
"Looking at me like that," Quinn said. She tried to sound gruff but if she was honest with herself, Quinn didn't want the moment to end.
Rachel, still managing to keep the sheet up, wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist from behind, resting her cheek on Quinn's shoulder.
"Okay," she said.
"What… are you doing?" Quinn was frozen to where she stood, unsure of what was happening.
But Rachel ignored the question and said, "I didn't tell you, but I got a note before the pictures in my truck."
"What was it?"
"It said I know what you did on the back of a photo of Coleman's grave," Quinn could feel Rachel's mouth move against her shoulder.
"You should have told me," Quinn said. She felt the hot thrum of anger corse through her body. Threatening her was one thing, but terrorizing Rachel was different.
"I know," Rachel tighten her hug, "I'm sorry."
"Rachel, look at me," Quinn untangled herself and stood with both hands on Rachel's shoulders, "We'll fix this. We'll figure this out just like we always do. But you have to tell me if anything suspicious happens, okay?"
Rachel nodded, "No more secrets," she agreed.
Quinn gave her a soft smile and patted her cheek, "Why don't you go get dressed. I left you some clothes on the chair if you need to borrow something today."
Rachel smiled and Quinn went back to finishing her makeup as she ignored the fact that Rachel would be wearing a pair of her underwear for the day.
…
"Jay! Jay! Wait up!" Ben called, jogging to catch up with Jay's long stride. Jay had been walking to the control room for their morning meeting, but he stopped and turned to Ben.
"Hey, what's up?" Jay met Ben's smile with his own, he was in a hurry but not enough to miss an opportunity to chat with his favorite wifey.
"I heard there was a group date today," Ben said, rubbing the back of his neck as she shifted from foot to foot, "I know I just went on that date yesterday, but I think Vee and I really had a connection and I was wondering…."
Jay made a sympathetic face, "I'd love to help you but I'm not sure I can get you on the date today."
"Oh," Ben looked crestfallen, "Damn, I just really wanted to win this for you."
"Oh that's cute," Jay laughed, it was a disbelieving laugh but one that wasn't unkind, "We both know that's not why you want to win."
"Well, Vee is hot," Ben shrugged, "But so are you. Since I can't go on the date today maybe I could see you later?"
Jay dropped into a chair next to Rachel, who was eating a doughnut from craft services. Glancing up at him, she pushed her plate in his direction and he took half a scone.
"So," he said with a sly grin, "do I get to call you Oedipus now since you're obviously sleeping with mommy?"
Rachel glared at him, mouth full.
"C'mon, don't give me that look, you're wearing her shirt," Jay said, "Now Chet totally won't notice but you didn't think I would, did you?"
Rachel swallowed the food in her mouth, "I didn't really think about it."
Jay snorted and rolled his eyes affectionately, "I should have figured, with the way you normally dress."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you should let mommy pick out your clothes more often," Jay quipped as Quinn walked in.
"Who's on the list for today's group date?" Quinn asked, arms crossed, leaning against one of the tables.
"James, Ritchie, Alex, Zion, Jillian, Sam, Joseph, Mike, Ashley, and Kara," Jay read from the list. He glanced between Quinn and Rachel, stretching out the last name on the list.
"Jillian is a wifey so let's make sure she has priority time with Vanessa," Quinn said.
"So is Mike," said Rachel, "Plus Vanessa couldn't stop talking about him, I think there might be a story there. You know, childhood friends and partners rekindling their relationship after the doping scandal? It would be good for Vanessa's image if she won Mike back."
"If you can make something come of that we'll run with it," Quinn replies before turning to Madison, "Make sure Kara has her claws out today. We want a flirty villainess."
"You know Vanessa doesn't seem to have any chemistry with Ritchie," Jay said, "What if we swapped him for Ben?"
"Ben? Who was just on a date yesterday? No, we're sticking with this list," Quinn said, "Someone get it to set."
"I can bring it to Graham!" Madison said, reaching out to take the date envelope from Quinn.
"Okay people," Quinn said, "Let's make some romance today!"
…
Outside, Madison ducked into a sheltered doorway, pulling the date card out of the envelope and uncapping the pen she kept in her back pocket.
With her best handwriting, she added an eleventh name to the date list. Then slipped the card back in, and resealed the envelope.
…
"Hey there's some guy here for you?" One of the crew members said, a polo clad man with a tool box standing behind him.
"Just show him to my office," Quinn said, then to the man with the toolbox said, "That's the room you'll be doing."
"Who was that?" Chet asked as the pair walked away.
Quinn didn't bother looking up, "Just a locksmith. I'm having the locks changed on my office."
"What? Why?"
"I'd just be more comfortable knowing exactly who has a key."
"I'm still getting a key, right?" Chet asked, "This isn't because you're mad at me is it?"
"No Chet, this may come as a shock to your ego, but sometimes things have nothing to do with you," Quinn said with a sigh, "Now if you excuse me, I have my show to run."
Snatching up the walkie, Quinn settled into her chair behind the monitors and said, "ACTION!"
"They say that love is a battlefield, but do our remaining contestants have what it takes to battle it out for Vanessa?" Graham asked on screen as he descended the mansion's staircase.
"Uhg who wrote this garbage?" sneered Quinn.
"Today, ten lucky people will be joining our suitress on a date," continued Graham, stopping to stand in front of the fifteen contestants, "And from this envelope, I have their names."
Chloe clapped her hands together excitedly, "I hope it's me!" She whispered to James.
"Ha! Not likely," Quinn said, before lifting her walkie, "Sad Cam, zoom in on Chloe."
Then, Graham read off the names, "Alex, Zion, Jillian, Ritchie, Sam, James, Ashley, Joseph, Kara, Mike, and Ben."
"Hey that's eleven people!" Tanner cried.
"Ben? What? No, I said no to him!" Quinn was out of her chair and on set in an instant.
"How did Ben end up on the list?" She demanded, grabbing Rachel's arm to pull her along, "I specifically said no to him."
Rachel held up the card from Graham's envelope, "Someone wrote him in."
"Is this some sort of joke?" Maggie asked, "I thought we were all supposed to get equal chances with Vanessa!"
"Vee and I just have an instant, heartfelt connection," Ben said with a shrug, "I can't help that she wants to see me."
"An instant connection? What's that supposed to mean?" Mike said, obviously annoyed.
"Oh please, you're just jealous because for the first time in your life you've had to share her," Ben rolled his eyes at Mike.
Catherine snorted "Gentleman please, enough with the testosterone."
"Nessa isn't an object ," Mike snapped.
"This is ridiculous," Quinn said to Rachel, "I'll deal with who did this later. Right now we need to stop all hell from breaking loose."
Rachel glanced over Quinn's shoulder, "They're still filming right? This is good."
Quinn turned to see everyone fighting amongst themselves, "Well at least there'll be some good footage."
"I have an idea," Rachel said, and disappeared at a half sprint.
Lifting her walkie, Quinn pressed the on button and said, "This better be good, Goldie."
Thankfully, she didn't have to wait long to find out Rachel's plan, because soon Vanessa was rounding the corner with Rachel following a safe distance behind as to not be in the shot.
"What's going on here?" Vanessa asked.
Rachel gave Quinn the thumbs up.
"Ben is getting to go on the date but he went on one yesterday!" Maggie whined. Quinn rolled her eyes, oh yeah, there was no way Maggie was making past that night's elimination ceremony.
"Really?" Vanessa tilted her head and turned to Graham.
He spread his hands in innocence, "There seems to have been a mix up with our date card and it's cause some…. concerns."
"Camera A zoom in on Vanessa," Quinn whispered into her walkie, watching as Vanessa exchanged a quick glance with Rachel. Rachel was something up her sleeve, and Vanessa was her mouthpiece.
"Why doesn't everyone come on the group date," Vanessa said, "There we're supposed to be, What ten out of the fifteen on the date? I'd love to get to know everyone better and that way no one feels left out."
She smiled and Quinn saw a flash of the diplomatic skater that had charmed her way into the hearts of America- until she'd blown it all to dust. Or snorted it to dust. Whatever.
Graham looked over at Quinn, who gave him the nod of approval. It wasn't an ideal plan, but it would shake things up and give them their teaser for the network.
"What a charming idea Vanessa!" Graham said, "In an Everlasting first, everyone is going on a date!"
"And cut!" Quinn yelled into her walkie, a redundant effort since everyone was in yelling distance. Rachel approached hesitantly, with her hands up.
"Okay, so you can totally yell at me in a minute, but just let me explain," Rachel began.
"Oh you're going to pay for that," Quinn replied, eyes slowly roving from Rachel's dirty sneakers to her face, smiling when she saw Rachel's jaw had gone slightly slack as a flush spread across her face, "But I understand why you did it. It makes Vanessa look good, and that's her M.O."
Rachel nodded, "Uh yeah," she said, biting her lip and shifting from foot to foot.
Quinn held her gaze longer than necessary, she'd taken Rachel by surprise with her blatant flirting and she was going to enjoy seeing her flustered.
But then, another crew member approached, breaking the spell.
"Um, there's an Olive Goldberg here to see you?" he said, glancing from Quinn to Rachel.
"What?!"
…
Olive Goldberg stood in the entrance to the mansion, tapping her foot impatiently. Rachel saw her before she saw Rachel and Quinn, and she went cold. She'd hoped it had been wrong, that maybe it was some other Olive Goldberg who was now inexplicably on set, but not, it was her mother.
"Why can I not simply see my daughter?" she demanded to the security guard who stood with her.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but I have strict orders to not let you on set," he replied.
"That's ridiculous," Olive said, "Who gave you that order, may I ask?"
"What would have been me," said Quinn, her hand dropped to barely touch Rachel's wrist, signalling for her to stay behind Quinn, "I actually banned you from set years ago but that hasn't seemed to work. Maybe a restraining order is in order."
Rachel saw Quinn glance at her out of the corner of her eye, but she was focused on her mother, focused on keeping her breathing normally, focused on keeping the panic attack that was building in her chest at bay.
"That's rich coming from you, Quinn," Olive sneered, "Especially since I have proof that you are abusing your power to engage in sexual misconduct with your subordinates, namely, my daughter."
"What?" Rachel said. It felt absurdly like being caught breaking curfew after a date, but there was no way her mother knew about last night in Quinn's apartment. There was just no way.
Beside her, Quinn had gone still, "You don't have anything," she said, but the bite Rachel was expecting to hear was absent.
"I do!" Olive pulled a crisp photo from her purse and thrust it in Quinn's face.
Rachel gasped. It was a black and white shot of them both, on the couch in Quinns office the night Rachel had ripped Quinn's shirt open and kissed her until they both couldn't breathe, leaving those tell-tale hickey's on Quinn's throat.
Quinn snatched the photo from Olive's hands.
"Don't worry, I have copies," said Olive, then turned to Rachel, "Rachel, honey, you need to come home. I don't know what sort of depravity you've fallen into here but it's not healthy for you. You can't let this woman turn you into some sort of homosexual, that's just not you."
Rachel was still staring at the photo in Quinn's hands, "How- Quinn- Where did she get this? How did you get this?"
"How much?" Quinn asked Olive, not looking at Rachel, "I'll write the check right now. How much for you to give me all the copies and leave us alone?"
"I can't put a price on the well being of my only daughter," Olive said, hand to her chest.
"Ten thousand dollars?" Quinn said, "Fifteen?"
"Quinn how does she have this?" Rachel grabbed her arm, her voice rising.
"You!" Quinn pointed at a PA, "Bring me my purse from my office. Now!"
Rachel's heart pounded in her ears. She felt hot and cold all at the same time, the collar of the shirt she'd borrowed from Quinn suddenly too tight. Quinn wouldn't look at her, only continuing to stare Rachel's mother down.
No one would explain what was happening and she felt so small and helpless, "Please," she grabbed Quinn's arm.
"I received the photos on my doorstep," Olive said, finally, "There were all variations of the same, from someone looking out for you, Rachel, I suppose. But who'd want to look out for you, I have no idea."
"It's a good thing your father didn't see them," added Olive, "It would have crushed him."
"No," Rachel whispered.
"Rach," Quinn said softly.
"Here," the PA returned, nervously handing Quinn her purse before scampering off. No one paid her any mind as Quinn pulled out her checkbook and a pen.
"This is the last time I'll ask, how much?" said Quinn, her pen poised.
"Twenty thousand is a nice round number," Olive said, "I could help so many people with my practice with that money."
Feeling sick, Rachel watched Quinn write the check then hold it out to Olive. But she didn't let go.
"The photos," she said, "All copies."
Sighing, Olive pulled a manila envelope from her purse and handed them over before snatching the check from Quinn, "This is it. But Rachel, I hope you contact your Human Resources department and report this predator! If you come back home, I can help you through this, deception."
"Get out," Quinn growled, she waved her hand towards Olive, "Security!"
But as she watched her mother leave, now twenty thousand dollars richer, Rachel felt Quinn's hand close around her upper arm, "My office. Now."
…
Thankfully, Rachel waited until they were behind closed doors to explode.
"What the fuck was that?" she demanded as Quinn walked behind her desk, "How did my mother have pictures of us all but fucking on your couch?"
Quinn unlocked the drawer where she'd been keeping the letters, pulling out the file of photos and threatening notes. Unceremoniously, she dropped them on the desk.
"Ever since we started filming again, I've been getting… these," Quinn said, not meeting Rachel's eyes, "And then yesterday I found a camera in my office."
Rachel stalked forward, still upset by her mother and that her questions had yet to be answered. Leaning over the desk, she flicked open the file. Quinn couldn't watch as Rachel went through the notes and photos. She sat down in her office chair to wait.
Finally, Rachel said, "You've been getting these since filming started?"
"Yes," Quinn looked up at her.
"And you didn't tell me?"
"I was going to take care of it, before it got out of hand."
"You were going to take care of it? What did you think you were going to do? Find this psycho and say hey stop threatening us? By yourself?" Rachel cried, "This isn't even blackmail, Quinn, this is straight up death threats!"
"You think I don't know that?"
"Were you ever going to tell me? Or were you planning on waiting until we both get murdered? This involves me too, I deserve to know!"
"I'm telling you right now!"
"Yeah, because you have to, because my mother showed up and made a scene," Rachel ran a hand through her hair, "Fuck, Quinn, I thought we said no secrets."
"Rachel-"
"No, you know what? I'm done talking about this. I need to go," Rachel said, and slammed the door.