Kurt POV
As it turned out, I wore out a lot faster then Finn did, but that was only after two blow jobs, three hand jobs, and a serious grinding session. Honestly, I think I might never get hard again. It's like I burned the engine in my dick up or something.
I was insanely grateful to Dad for insisting that we get two beds, because by two in the morning, Finn and I had trashed the one we started out in. I was leaving the poor maid a huge tip, because no woman should have to deal with what was all over the sheets. Beyond the obvious, there was dried whipped cream in there because Finn had ordered a sundae, and then gotten the bright idea that he could lick the whipped cream and caramel off of my body, which had led to the second blow job and who would have thought that Finn Hudson, who dated the president of the Abstinence Club, then Rachel Berry, would be such a kinky bastard at heart?
Don't complain. I don't care if he wants to dangle you upside down off the bed while he fucks you and sings the lead from 'Funny Girl", you will let him do whatever he wants to you. This has, quite possibly, been the best night of our entire lives.
Maybe I was kinkier then Finn was, because nothing about that sounded bad to me. Well, maybe I could do without the upside down part.
He was currently snoring against my shoulder, his body curled around mine. It was such a natural, protective pose that all I wanted to do was snuggle deeper against him and go back to sleep. Check-out wasn't until noon, and it was only 8 now. There was plenty of time to just cuddle.
Except I had to pee. Bad. I pushed at Finn's arm. "Let me up, Cowboy."
He grumbled a little, and his hold tightened rather then loosening up. It would have been cute if I wasn't getting so desperate. "Please, Finn, now."
He relaxed and I was able to slip free and take care of things in the bathroom. My pants were on the floor by the door, which was probably why Finn was the quarterback. Damn he had a good throw on him. I retrieved my phone and scanned the messages. Mercedes had left 4, all suggesting various and sexy things I could be doing with Finn right now. Hah, I had done that and more.
It was still pretty early, but, as my best friend, she was just going to have to get over it. I dialed as quickly as I could, hoping that Finn wouldn't suddenly wake up. A grouchy voice came on the phone. "Kurt, I've only been in bed for three hours, this better be really good."
"It is." I wanted to keep going, but she cut me off with a shriek.
"Kurt, you didn't! You nasty thing, tell me all the down and dirty details. You do realize that you're nailing the quarterback, right? This is every girls dream!" She thought a minute, then reconsidered. "Well, not mine, because, you know, it's Finn, but the generic dream."
Her enthusiasm made me smile. "Mercedes, I did not have sex with Finn Hudson."
"Why not? You better have done something with him, because you aren't about to get a better chance. Hello? Motel room, no chance that either one of your parents will walk in? God, what I wouldn't give for that."
I wondered if I should ask about her and Sean, but decided against it. I wasn't quit sure where their relationship stood right now, after what had happened at Sectionals. Actually, I was willing to guess that she didn't know where they stood, and I didn't want to butt in where I wasn't needed. "Oh, we did. 6 times."
"Six….between the two of you, or just you?" She sounded beyond impressed.
"Just me. If you want between the two of us, it was more like 12. Maybe 13, I kind of lost count with him."
Kurt, are you really bragging about your ability to have an orgasm?
No. Well, sort of. Mostly, though, I was bragging about my ability to give Finn one. 7 times. I had decided to go with the larger number, just as an ego boost.
"So, can I assume you've gotten over your fear of giving a blow job?"
My face heated and I wondered why I had ever told her that to start with. "Yes, I'm over it. And Finn happens to think that I'm good at it."
"Finn doesn't know the difference." She was teasing me now, her voice gentle and sweet. "I've heard him and Puck. According to the Puckasaurus, there's no such thing as a bad blow job unless you get bitten."
"Well, anyway. It was….I don't know. We didn't go all the way, but I almost feel like we did. It's like we're linked in some way now. If this is what giving a blow job is, how is it going to be when we actually have sex? I'm a little afraid to find out."
"If the rest of the girls are to be believed, that's normal. You love him, and you want to be as close to him as possible, which includes sex. But you have a little bit of a closeness issue, Kurt, and you're panicking. He's not pushing you, is he?"
The question made me laugh. "Surprisingly, no. He actually told me that I didn't even have to blow him until I was ready, because it would be weird and pushy if he made me. We haven't talked about sex at all, though, except in a vague 'someday' sort of way. I think he's creeped out."
"He may be. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with two guys having sex, but look at this from Finn's point of view. A month ago, his ass was for sitting on and shitting out of. Now you're suddenly telling him that he should shove something up it. I mean, I know that it doesn't hurt, but he probably thinks that it will."
"I never told him that he had to shove anything up it! Like I said, we've never talked about it at all." Why was she taking Finn's side over mine?
"Down, boy. Maybe the fact that you haven't talked about it is part of the problem. It's mysterious and scary to him right now; just show him that it's perfectly normal. Oh, and Kurt?" I could hear her evil smirking through the phone, and just knew that I was about to get nailed. I held perfectly still, unwilling to even dignify her with a response.
Not that it stopped her. She couldn't seem to quit giggling as she sweetly cooed. "You may want to figure out who's on top! "
I had no idea why she (and Tina, and Brit, and every other woman in the world) seemed to think that that was the funniest thing ever. "I'm hanging up on you."
"So you and Finn can have the talk?" She was howling with laughter now, and I remembered why I tried not to wake her up too early. It always ended up like this, with me embarrassed and her giggling hysterically.
"I'll call you when I get back to Lima." I was smiling myself, now, but I didn't want her to know it.
"Ok. I'll blow up the rubber donut for you to sit on." She disconnected before I could think of a suitably scathing reply. Damn, she was good.
Finn was still asleep when I came out, though he had sprawled to take up the entire bed. I blew lightly on his throat. "Scoot, Cowboy."
He rolled back to his previous position and I laid down next to him. He didn't wake up, but he did start mouthing at the back of my neck and, oh, look at that, I hadn't broken my dick last night after all. It was back to full working order, but I wondered if I had the energy to do anything about it. "For Prada's sake, Finn, knock it off."
That earned me an irritated grunt, but he settled back to sleep. I felt oddly disappointed by that, even though I really didn't want to start something. I laid my head against his chest, purring contentedly when his arm came up across my back. "Yeah, I love you, too." Then I slept again.
It was close to 11 when I woke the second time, though Finn still hadn't moved. I rolled over and took a second to just look at him without him looking back. His eyes twitched and rolled behind the closed lids, and I wondered what he was dreaming about. Something good, because I could see the smile on his lips. He had cheekbones that I would kill for, and a good jaw line, one that I couldn't quite resist tracing with my nose. He rumbled appreciatively and his eyes flickered open. "Is it time to go home?"
"Regretfully, yes. Since we don't have anything to pack, you have time for a quick shower before we hit the road."
He stretched out, giving me a perfect view of, well, everything. "How quick can we be if we take a shower together?"
"Finn Hudson, do you think about anything besides sex?" Not that my traitorous body thought it was a bad idea. Actually, my body thought that that sounded like a really good idea.
Finn, damn him, noticed and smirked. "Do you?"
I tried to salvage at least part of my dignity. "Of course. Marc Jacobs has a new collection coming out next week, which I'm super excited about, and then there's a new exhibit at- Finn, what are you doing!"
He had scooped me off the bed and into his arms. "I have a problem, you have a problem, we'll get in the shower together and take care of them together. You think about things too much."
That certainly wasn't untrue, even though all I was thinking about right now was the various things I could do to him in the shower. There was a reason that the shower was a porn staple, and who was I to deny either one of us the chance to explore everything it had to offer, without any chance of being interrupted by our well meaning parents.
Unfortunately, fooling around in the shower was nowhere near as hot as the dirty movies made it look. To start with, porn stars must all be like 5 feet tall, because Finn and I barely fit in the shower standing, and had absolutely no room to maneuver. I tried getting down on my knees (honestly, I didn't think Finn was capable in such tight quarters), but I guess I'm still too new to this entire thing, because I could barely get my timing right when we were on the bed, and now I was actually choking and was there anything less sexy?
Finn picked me back up, and I latched my arms and legs around him, not trusting him to keep his grip on my wet skin. A concussion was not a good look for me, and I hated blood, especially my own. This new position provided friction that hadn't been there before, and I moaned softly. Later on, when we were actually having sex, I could see where this would be great, especially if Finn was capable of holding me up the entire time. But, right now? Not really doing it for me.
"Oh, screw this. We'll shower at home." He slammed the water off with one hand, then carried me back to our bed.
"Finn Hudson, I'm soaking wet and so are you! We are not going to- oh my God, just keep doing that." Finn's solution to us being soaking wet was apparently to just start licking my skin, which was having a disturbingly large effect on the rest of my body. His tongue was rough against me, making me shiver convulsively.
He drew back and gave me a look. "Kurt Hummel, do you think about anything but sex?"
Honestly, I was having a little trouble remembering who Kurt Hummel was at the moment. "I will fucking kill you if you do not put your mouth back on my body within the next four seconds."
"Potty mouth." He licked my stomach again, nuzzling my ribcage. "I like it."
He would.
"You would." Why did it sound so much bitchier and sexier when Galinda was saying it in my head? Maybe because she didn't actually require oxygen, and thus wasn't almost hyperventilating as Finn's teeth lightly scraped my inner thigh.
"Mm-hmm. Do you know that you're sexy?"
I couldn't tell if it was a genuine question or not, but, considering that he had finally put his mouth where I wanted it, I couldn't have answered anyway. "I, uh, I, shit!" I supposed that it was progress that I didn't come right then and there.
Soft fingers ran over my body, touching all the right spots. Ribs, thigh, that special ticklish spot on my collarbone, Finn knew exactly what to do. He drew back and studied me for a second. "Do you?"
I knew what he was asking, but not how to answer. As much as I liked to admire myself, I had a hard time thinking of myself as sexy. Sassy, yes. Bitchy, most of the time. Exceedingly well dressed, always. Even cute, which I heard all the time. But sexy? Not so much.
Finn thinks you are. Finn thinks that you're amazing and sexy.
Finn also though that both Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray were amazing and sexy, which made his opinions a little suspect.
I don't recall his entire sexuality changing for either one of them. I'm kind of thinking that he likes you better.
She had a point. Whether or not I thought that I was sexy, Finn obviously did. So I met his eyes and nodded. "Yes. Do you know that you are?"
"Of course, dude. You wouldn't be seen in public with someone who looked less then perfect. I'm sexy because you think I am."
I giggled, wondering how Finn could read my mind like he did. "It's not your fashion sense or dancing skills, that's for sure."
"Maybe it's my cock sucking abilities." He decided to punctuate that comment by resuming said abilities.
Maybe it was. Hearing the work 'cock' fall from his lips didn't hurt either. Add dirty talk to the list of things that it turned out I really liked. Then Finn's hand, which had been resting between my shoulder blades, moved downwards to tentatively rest on my ass. It was the first time he had touched me there, at least without clothes and it made me freeze for a second. He felt the tension and backed off immediately, his hand returning to my back.
"No, it's alright. You just startled me." This was a huge step for Finn, and I didn't want to do anything that might make him regress.
I'm pretty sure that Finn was trying to tell me ok, but he seemed to have forgotten that his mouth was otherwise occupied, so all I felt was a low vibration. Yep, Finn's cock sucking abilities were a big plus. Bonus? He had totally put his hand back where it started out. He wasn't actually doing anything with it, but it was a start. Then he did this strange swallowing thing that shouldn't have been physically possible and that was all it took. "Fuck, Finn!"
He swallowed obediently, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand. "Maybe." The word was drawn out playfully. Then he winked and it took everything I had not to get hard again immediately. Finn gave me a hopeful look. "Do we have time for once more?"
"Regretfully, no." I kissed the tip of his nose. "You and your oral fixation will just have to wait until we get home."
"What's an oral fixation?" Finn was already putting on his clothing from last night, looking around for anything that might have been tossed across the room in the heat of the moment.
"It's when you're obsessed with putting things in your mouth. It means you like it a lot more then other people do." My own clothes, while still fashionable, were wrinkled, and it nearly killed me to even look at them, much less have to put them on my body.
"Things like your cock?" One arm wound around my shoulders as we walked out, as if he wanted to hold me as closely as possible.
"Yes, things like my cock. And could you possibly say that a little louder? I don't think the people across the breezeway heard us."
He waited until we were actually in the Navigator with the engine running to lean out the window and yell "I have an oral fixation for Kurt's cock!"
I nearly closed his head in the window in my desperate attempt to get it up before he could humiliate me further. "Finn Hudson!"
He rubbed his chin, where the window had whacked him. "What? You said to say it louder and it's not like we'll ever have to see those people again anyway."
"That isn't the point; the point is….is….." I realized that he was kind of right. "The point is my cock is between me and you, and not to be discussed in a public parking lot."
"Can I touch it in a public parking lot?" He was grinning now, obviously knowing that he was starting to have an effect on me.
"No, you can't. Do you know what the meaning of the words 'public indecency' and 'sarcasm' are?"
He stretched out against the seat, and the resulting view was almost enough to make me change my previous stance on what was appropriate in public. "Yeah. Public indecency means keep you pants on or you'll get arrested and then be put on the sex offender list and Mom will cry. Sarcasm is anything that Quinn says to me. Right?"
"Pretty close. Program the GPS to take us home, please." I hoped that giving him something to do with his hands would keep him from putting them somewhere they didn't belong. Like down my pants.
It worked, and Finn played happily with the piece of equipment, fingers tapping at it merrily. I fixated on them for a minute, wondering what else he could do with those fingers.
Keep you attention on the road, at least until you get to the highway. Then the two of you need to have a nice talk.
The thought of having to have the sex talk with Finn made my face heat up. I wasn't even 100% sure how things were done, myself. Lima wasn't exactly bustling with gay advocacy centers, and I was a little distrustful of what I saw on the internet. For example, I'm almost sure that a spanking is not necessary before penetration. Pretty sure.
So don't talk about sex specifically. Talk about your new relationship, and where you want it to go.
That didn't sound like such a bad idea, but when I saw the turn for the highway, I wimped out. "Do you want some breakfast?"
"Yeah!" Finn was always enthusiastic when food was involved.
Since we had expended so many calories (and electrolytes, and bodily fluids) the night before, I gave in to Finn's pleading face and stopped at a diner. Once there, he ordered some monstrosity involving eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, toast and pancakes. "Finn, that could feed an entire family for more then one meal."
"I'm hungry!" He looked so pitiful that I had to stop myself. "Besides, we'll figure out how to work the calories off later."
I had created a sex monster. One blow job (ok, two), and he suddenly thought that he was going to get some all day, every day.
Yes! Galinda, who had gotten everything that she had been nagging for, with the sole exception of sex, for over a month, was in ecstasy.
I ordered a sensible egg whites only meal and coffee, distracting myself by adding just the right amount of sweetener to it. Yes, Finn and I needed to have a talk, but not here, where anyone could overhear us.
Luckily, Finn was still riding his high from yesterday, and was happy to talk about Sectionals and the trophy. "I still can't believe that we won."
"I still can't believe that you came back." I was treading on dangerous ground, now, but I couldn't help it. "You are my knight in shining armor, and don't ever believe any different."
"Even when you tell me I'm a stupid loser?" He appeared more focused on his drink then he was on me, but I could sense that every move I made was being watched and analyzed.
His words were like a punch to the gut. "Finn Hudson, when have I ever told you that you are either stupid or a loser?" It hurt that he would think that I would say that.
"Well, never. But everyone says it eventually. Except for Mom, of course, but she has to be nice because she's my Mom. It's alright for you to say it as long as I know you really think I'm a white knight." His eyes were earnest as he stared at me.
"First of all, no it isn't alright for anyone to call you stupid or a loser, no matter what the circumstances. It's especially not ok for me to say that. I love you, and even if you do things that drive me insane, it's cruel and wrong for me to call you things like that. Why would you think it's alright?"
"Because everybody does it." Finn hunched down, obviously not liking the direction this conversation had taken.
Too bad for him. "Who's everyone?"
He shrugged. "You know."
Evasiveness wasn't going to get him anywhere. "No, I don't know. Who is everyone?"
"Quinn and Rachel and all of my teachers and Mercedes and Mike and Matt and Karofsky and Azimio and Santana and Coach Sylvester and….well, Puck, too, but he doesn't say it mean so it's not the same."
While it didn't surprise me to hear some of those names, particularly Rachel and Quinn, it did bother me to know that Mercedes would say that. "First of all, Quinn and Rachel are being sore losers. They know that I've got you and they don't and they can't stand it. So don't listen to anything that they say."
"But they said it way before there was a you and me. They said it when I was still dating them."
Oh, we need to bitch slap someone soooooo bad. Galinda did not take well to having our boyfriend insulted.
For once, she and I were in perfect agreement. "Well, then they're a pair of idiots. Them, not you. At least you have enough class not to talk about someone in a derogatory way while simultaneously expecting them to further your reputation."
"I don't know what derogatory or simultaneous mean. But I do know what having class is, and that's good." He had perked up considerably.
"Derogatory means saying something nasty about someone and simultaneously means at the same time." I let him rerun the sentence in his head, waiting until he nodded with comprehension before I continued. "And Coach Sylvester is a rampaging bitch, so don't believe anything she says. She told me that I was moron, too."
His dark eyes narrowed. "She better not say that about my boyfriend. If she wasn't a lady, I'd kick her ass. And, you know, if she wouldn't kill me."
"I do like you with all of your parts intact. One part in particular." I reached out and stroked his hand.
"My brain?" He was smiling, his earlier upset completely forgotten. Or maybe it hadn't been. Finn always gave off the impression of not only not being bothered by what his friends said about him, but not even understanding it. He mostly just smiled and chuckled a bit. But if his last comment meant anything, he no only got it, he was hurt by it. I made a mental note to remind Mercedes to never, ever, say anything about Finn's intelligence again, whether she thought he could hear it or not.
"Ok, two parts in particular." Finn did have an admirable ability to bounce back from any disturbance. I quirked my finger in a 'come here' gesture, and Finn leaned forward obediently. I quickly kissed his cheek. It was a big risk, and I saw a couple of people turn to look, but Finn needed me right now. Plus, as he had pointed out earlier, it wasn't like we would ever have to see any of these people again.
Finn's lips quirked in an almost invisible smile, just as our food arrived. He looked over my choice with a raised eyebrow. "This is why you're so tiny, Kurt. You don't eat enough to grow."
My size was a bit of a sore point, but I just shook my head. "If that's true, you need to quit eating immediately. You're already a giant."
"I know. I'm not eating to get bigger now; I'm just eating to stay the right size. It takes a lot of food." He nibbled on a piece of bacon, his eyes locked on me. "You know what, though? You don't have to get bigger. You're perfect."
"Thank you, Finn." No matter how often he told me, it still made my heart jump. "I love you."
"I love you, too." Then he was distracted by eating the huge amount of food. Maybe spending so much time cramming so much food into his mouth had caused Finn to lose his gag reflex, which explained his talent at giving blow jobs.
I actually ended up eating Finn's pancakes and half of a piece of bacon, since I turned out to be hungrier then I thought.
Well, is that a surprise? Have you ever had a night like last night in terms of sheer calories burned? A long singing performance, then a long sexual performance. God, life is good.
I couldn't argue with that. Between the two of us, we ate everything on the plate, leaving me to pray that that bacon wasn't settling in my butt right now. Finn grabbed the ticket before I could and ambled up to pay. I tried to protest, but he waved me off like I was nothing. God, I loved the boy.
There wasn't much conversation between us until we got on the highway. The pancakes were settled in my stomach like a rock, but I knew I had to talk with Finn about this. I reached out and turned the radio off. "Finn, can we talk?"
"Ok." He sat back and looked at me nervously.
"I wanted to talk about us and, you know, taking the next step in our relationship." God, could I sound any more like an insecure girl?
"The next step. You mean, like, sex?" Just a few words, and his nerves had shot up a thousandfold. He was trying to keep his voice level, but one hand was clutching the dashboard so tightly that I was sure it was going to crumple. Not to mention I could hear his breathing from the drivers seat.
"Yes, sex. Don't panic on me, Cowboy. Nice deep breaths." If Finn freaked out in such a small space, he could hurt both of us.
"I'm calm. It's just that….sex is a big thing." He was trying to talk around his big issue.
"You mean a scary thing." I don't know why I was irritated with him for being nervous when I was so nervous myself.
"Yeah. I don't even know how two guys can do it. I mean, I know because I saw it online, but it seems like it would hurt like hell. I don't want to hurt you, Precious."
"You won't." I might not know everything about how two men had sex, but I knew that Finn would kill himself before causing me any harm. "Anyway, it's not supposed to hurt."
"I know it's not, and even Puck says that girls can take it up the ass and like it, and if girls can take it, it should be easy for us guys, but it just doesn't seem possible. I mean, my dick is kind of big and yours is, too."
Finn's dick was more then 'kind of' big. As a matter of fact, I was pretty sure that it was way above average in size. "First of all, never, never bring Noah Puckerman into our sex talks again. It's beyond creepy. Second, you aren't supposed to just…" God there was no delicate way to say this. "…shove it in there. You have to use lube and prepare and stuff."
I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but Finn's eyes got even bigger. "See? How are we supposed to do anything when I have no idea what I'm doing and you'll end up getting hurt."
"And it freaks you out a little?" I had to know exactly where his objections were; otherwise I wouldn't know how to help fix them.
"Yeah, it freaks me out a little. You know, it's not just a big step, it's the big step. No matter what happens after that, I'll always look back and say, 'yeah, I lost my virginity to Kurt Hummel, to that man'. We'll be tied together forever." He leaned back in the seat. "Not that I don't want to be, but I want it to be right. You know, romantic."
If our previous firsts were to be believed, it probably wasn't going to be as romantic as he was hoping. Actually, it was more likely to be fumbling, messy, and last about 13 seconds.
But I did understand where Finn was coming from. I had been so caught up in his feelings about sex; I hadn't even really considered my own, except in a hazy 'I want to' sort of way. He was right, having sex with him would change our relationship completely, and maybe not in a good way. Plus, it was sweet that he wanted to be romantic, even if he really had no idea how to be. "I understand."
"But you're disappointed, right?" He was giving me that devastated look, the one that said he wanted so badly to make it right with me, but had no idea how to accomplish that.
"Finn, I will never be disappointed in you for being honest about your feelings, ok?" I used my knuckles to rub his jaw and he leaned into the contact like a cat.
I thought that that would end the conversation for a while, but I had underestimated Finn. Again. "You know, on the porn movies, they just shove it in."
It was kind of sweet that he was watching porn in an attempt to figure out what to do when the time came. "Porn is not a realistic reflection of how you accomplish anything. Everyone has a 12 inch dick in porn, too, and that doesn't happen in real life."
He nodded. "Plus, it always ends with one guy coming on the other guy's face, and I'm pretty sure you would kill me if I did that."
At least he got that one right away. I smiled at him. "And you think that you're stupid."
"It doesn't matter what I think. It matters that you think I'm smart, and you're the smartest person I know. So if you say it, it must be true." He was giving me that funny half smile, and I had to swallow hard around the sudden lump in my throat.
"You're very sweet, Finn Hudson." I reached out my hand, resting it on his leg. He placed his hand on top of mine, my fingers totally covered by his.
"I mean, it wouldn't have to be forever, because I really, really do want to have sex with you. But I think that this is one of those things you have to plan for, not one of those things that just up and happens. Which kind of sucks, because just letting things happen has worked for us so far. We'll figure something out, though, we always do."
"If we were in New York or somewhere with even the slightest bit of culture, it would be easy to find a gay advocacy center that would be able to help us out." The words were spoken mostly to myself, but Finn picked up on them.
"Dude, that's gross!" Finn sounded scandalized. "There are gay guys that actually stand there and, like, give you pointers?"
I tried not to laugh, I swear that I did, but the look on his face, combined with the mental image he had just summoned made me double over. Thank Prada there wasn't much traffic, because I was having trouble keeping control of the Navigator long enough to get us to the shoulder.
Every time I thought that I had my laughter under control, I looked up at Finn, who was giving me a puzzled smile, which only made me break out in further giggles. He didn't get it, but he was happy because I was. "Finn, you are hysterical."
"I am?" He didn't sound convinced.
"When I said 'help us out', I meant offer some suggestions about the basic tenets of two men having sex. I didn't mean they would actually be there when the act took place."
"Oh." He laughed himself. "Yeah, I guess that would make more sense. That's probably why everyone thinks that I'm dumb."
Ok, he had been a little dumb, there, but I was never going to tell Finn that, even if I was threatened with having to wear nothing but blue jeans and flannel shirts for the rest of my life. Plus, when was the last time I had laughed so hard over such a simple thing? "I don't think you're dumb. I think you're the funniest guy I've ever met."
"Well, I think that you're the sexiest guy I've ever met. Well, actually, you're the only guy that I think is sexy, so it's not like there's much competition." He stopped there and did that adorable thing where his head cocked and his eyebrows drew together. "Actually, can we pretend that I just stopped after that first sentence?"
If Finn had asked for it, I would have pretended anything. "Yeah, we can do that."
He smiled, and I swear that my heart melted just a little bit more. "Look, Spider Monkey, how about this? As soon as I figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing, which I will figure out really soon, because…well, come on Kurt, you're saying you'll put out for me! I mean, if there was ever moriation to learn something, that's it!"
As always, he managed to say the perfect thing, even when he wasn't saying the right thing at all. "I think you mean 'motivation'. As far as I know, moriation isn't a word. Motivation is when you really, really want to do something quickly and correctly, because you think that there's a reward for you in the end."
"Yep, that's it!" He was incredibly pleased right now. "You're my reward."
I rested both hands on his thighs so I could give him a slow, deep, kiss. "You're my reward, too."
Saying anything else would have ruined the moment, so I put the car back in gear and merged back onto the highway. For once, even Finn sensed the sanctity of the moment, and turned on the radio instead of speaking a word.
The dial spun back and forth until we found a station that was playing songs that we recognized. Finn sang cheerfully with every song, seeming neither bothered by the bad things we had talked about, nor excited by the good. He was just Finn, singing with the radio. So I let go and sang with him, ignoring the fact that I would usually rather die then be caught singing along to the Beach Boys.
We kept going for almost two hours, until I needed gas and our throats were dry. I didn't want to spoil our singing, but there were things that we needed to talk about before we made it back to Lima, just so he and I could be on the same page. "Go get us some water, ok?"
"Ok." He ambled into the gas station, and I just watched him go, steeling myself for the conversation that was about to happen. This was going to be ugly. Finn had never been good at expressing himself in words, which was one of the reasons he hit and kicked so many things. He wasn't naturally violent, but he did get incredibly frustrated at times.
When has he ever done that with you? He gets overly frustrated because people don't give him a chance to work it out on his own. You're patient and you don't tell him he's too stupid to get it, you just love him and that makes all the difference in the world. So, suck it up.
Finn returned with the water just as the pump clicked off. Even though both bottles were exactly the same, he offered them both to me, apparently assuming that I would have a preference. I chose one and drank deeply. "We have about an hour before we get home, so can we decide what's going to happen when we get there?"
"Sure. What are we deciding?" Finn drained his bottle in a few quick swallows and it was a fight not to get distracted watching the muscles in his throat work.
This was one of those instances where I wasn't sure if Finn genuinely didn't understand what was going on, or if he was playing dumb to avoid the confrontation. "About what happens from here. You were amazing yesterday, my absolute hero, but are you back for good? Or was that your final goodbye to the Glee Club?"
He was very quiet, and I hastened to clarify. "Either one is fine, Cowboy, but I want to know, just for myself."
Finn still didn't say anything, and I gave him some space by looking at the radio, at the ceiling, at all the traffic around us, anywhere but at Finn. Staring at him only made him more nervous and defensive. "I don't know."
I nodded at him, trying to encourage him to continue, but he didn't. He just stared at his hands, which were knotted in his lap. "Do you want me to come back?" It was a normal question, but his tone was strangely childlike, as if he wanted me to make the choice for him.
Except I couldn't. The only one who could do it was Finn. "I would be happy no matter what you decided. But the important thing is for you to be happy. Does Glee make you happy enough that it cancels out everything else?" I wasn't going to lead him into a decision, but helping him talk out his feelings was alright.
"Mr. Shue isn't the coach any more, so it shouldn't matter, but he'll be the coach again, won't he?" Finn did this thing when he got nervous where he would speed up his talking until he was almost impossible to understand. "Because, like, Coach Sylvester has been fired twice, and she keeps coming back, and Mr. Ryerson got fired for molesting Hank, but he came back and did that musical. Mr. Shue isn't even fired, just not allowed to be the coach, so he'll probably come back, too."
He had a point. Figgins was a pushover, and, as terrible as what Mr. Shue had done, he hadn't done anything as bad as Mr. Ryerson had. On the other hand, Mr. Ryerson had had Coach Sylvester on his side, while the woman would do anything possible to see Mr. Shuester destroyed.
Finn kept on going, unaware of my thoughts. "And if he doesn't come back, then there won't be a Glee Club. I mean, no one else is going to coach us. Then it's over and it will all be my fault."
He was being unusually articulate, which meant that this had been floating around in his head for a while. "None of this is your fault. He made bad choices, and now he's going to have to live with them. You went way beyond what most people would have, and I love you for it."
"You're a good boyfriend." He smiled, that sad, tense little smile that I had been seeing far too often lately. "No, wait, that's wrong. You're the best boyfriend."
"Thank you, Finn Hudson."
He reached up and placed both hands flat on the ceiling of the car, pushing until his shoulders popped. Then he shook his head. "I still want to do Glee."
My heart stuttered in my chest and nearly stopped. I tried not to be too obvious about it, though. "Really?"
"Yeah. I just…." He stopped to gather his thoughts. "When we were up there, on that stage, even before we knew that we had won; it was just the most amazing feeling, like we were great at something. I'm not ready to give that up."
"Are you going to be able to handle seeing Mr. Shue again if he comes back as our coach?" One of the things I loved about Finn was his gentle, forgiving nature, but that also made it very easy for people to take advantage of him.
For a few minutes Finn was quiet, and I wished that I wasn't driving so I could reach out to him. Then he nodded. "Yeah, I can handle it. I'm just not going to let anyone push me around any more. Now I have you to protect, I have to start acting like a man and standing up to people."
As much as I wanted to remind him for the millionth time that I was perfectly capable of protecting myself, but his words were so sweet that I didn't. Sometimes, the best thing to do was keep your mouth shut and enjoy the moment.
Finally, he's learning.
Bitch. "I'm really glad that you want to stay in Glee. And if you don't want to talk to Mr. Shue ever again, that's fine with me. I'll keep in between the two of you, ok?" While I didn't want to talk to the man either, it wasn't all about me any more. It would always be about me and Finn, together.
"Yeah. Maybe I can really sing a ballad with you this time, since we didn't get to last time. You know, now that everyone knows and we don't have to hide it any more." He ducked his head a little bit. "I can do it."
Those words were more to reassure himself then they were to reassure me, and he didn't sound terribly confident about them, but I didn't call him on it. "I think our coming out went really well. Everyone seemed to be fine with it, even Rachel."
"I think it went so well because everyone pretty much knew already. But, yeah, I thought she'd be more upset." He perked up. "Oh, well. If she wasn't that upset, then we weren't meant to be anyway. Although I guess if I'm meant to be with you, I could have never been meant to be with her, so it all works out."
To Finn, it really was that simple. He was with me now, and I was the person he wanted to be with forever. Period. He would fight to the death for me if asked, because I was his. "Thank you, Finn."
"For what?" He was fussing with his phone, which was beeping rapidly at him. "It's Rach. She says that there's a party at her place starting in two hours. Do we want to go?"
Not really, but I did know what an extended olive branch looked like and I couldn't afford to have her on my bad side so soon. Plus, it was always nice to celebrate as a team. "Of course. Tell her that we'll be there after I have time to go home and shower and change. You, too."
"Are you going to rub us in her face?" He paused in his texting to look into my eyes. "Cause that's really mean."
"No, I'm not going to do that." I was a little surprised to find out that that was the truth. There was no reason for me to do that. I had Finn, he had me, and that was it. There was no reason to get possessive, and no reason to be a jerk about it.
That didn't mean that I trusted her, though. I was the first to know that a crush didn't go away just because the object of it was with someone else. And, Prada knew, what Rachel wanted, Rachel got.
But I did trust Finn. He had obviously moved on, and there was nothing that mattered more then that. "Glee party, then?"
The smile on his face could have lit the sun. "Glee party, then."