A/N: I've been getting a lot of questions about the pacing of this fic, and if the boys are going to die virgins. Fear not, they are going to do it soonish. I had always kind of seen this fic as a parallel to what actually happened, and I want it to be as canon compliant as possible. We all know when Finn lost his virginity (shudder), so figure about that time in this fic. Note- that might be many chapters from now, but I promise they will.

Kurt POV

So far, so good. Finn and I had all but gotten a hero's welcome when we showed up. I had rushed through my routines in the shower (see how much I loved that boy?), and we made it in less then two hours from when we got home. Her fathers were out, but they had left money and congratulations, enough of both to satisfy the entire Glee club forever. There was an enormous pastry tray, and I picked the smallest and least offensive looking offering.

I was forced to put up with overenthusiastic hugs from all of the girls, while Finn managed to escape back over to the boys. They were rougher then the girls, pounding on his back and shoulders, but at least it was over quickly and they resumed talking about whatever it was that straight boys talked about in groups. Probably boobs.

Even though I knew that it was irrational, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt at how easily Finn still fit into the group. Finn suddenly decided that he liked boys, after chasing girls since his first erection, and he was still one of the guys. I, who had been honest (ok, not honest honest, but certainly not hiding it very well) about my sexuality from the beginning, was still on the outside. You would think that they would be far more threatened by Finn then me.

I'm pretty sure that your issues with the other guys are becoming less a gay issue, and more of a 'I think I'm too good for you issue'. Try talking to them for once.

That stung a little, which probably meant that there was some truth in it. I did very seldom interact with the other guys on the team, except for Artie, but it wasn't because I thought I was better. I was just a bit of lingering fear from everything that had been done to me by people wearing those uniforms.

Try. It won't kill you.

So I took a deep breath and crept over to where Finn was standing next to Matt, both of them waxing almost poetically about some video game I had never even heard of. Finn never glanced over from where he was explaining what I guessed was a cheat code (and really? I would never understand how he could memorize sequences of 10 or more button pushes, but still be hopeless when it came to even basic math.), but his arm slipped around my shoulders and I was pulled up against his warm body.

I still wasn't being included in the conversation, but at least the conversation was still happening. No one had gone quiet and uncomfortable as soon as I showed up. After a few minutes, Mike even turned in my directions. "Did the two of you make it home alright last night? We were a little worried. Finn, we all know about you and the mailman incident."

My face heated up at just the memory of what had gone on lat night, and Finn's chest warmed under my cheek. But his voice didn't sound embarrassed at all, just happy. "We didn't go home. We got to stay in this really awesome hotel, that had, like, room service and everything, and you could even order porn!" At my horrified look he backtracked quickly. "Not that we did! But we could have."

"Really? I didn't know you could get that sort of porn in hotel rooms." Puck was settling in for a good tease. "You were in some nasty place, weren't you?"

"No, we were at the Marriot. And what sort of porn do you-" There was an almost visible flash as the light bulb clicked on. "No! God, Puck, you are disgusting sometimes."

I didn't flinch at all, an accomplishment that made me proud. So that was the problem. Not that Finn wanted our first time to be special, just that he thought it was disgusting.

I don't think that that's what he said. I think he said that Puck was disgusting, not gay sex. But honestly, Kurt, it is a little bit gross, especially to someone who's never really thought much about it before.

He didn't have to come out and say it, I got the message. With an irritated huff, I pushed out from under Finn's arm, going back to rejoin the girls. Mercedes snorted. "Have enough of hearing about Grand Theft Auto?"

"I've had enough, period." My voice was the very definition of bitch and eyebrows rose on all the girls. The boys, naturally, remained oblivious.

"Yeah, that's what it sounded like early this morning. But I'm guessing there's trouble in paradise?" She was trying to sound supportive instead of absolutely fascinated, but failing miserably.

"You could say that." I dropped my pastry back on the tray. I hadn't bitten into it yet, and I was going to need to be as thin and perfect as possible so I could get myself a new boyfriend. A better boyfriend. A boyfriend who wasn't grossed out by the thought of a perfectly normal, loving, act between to people in love.

And where do you think you're going to find this mythical man in Lima, Ohio? You're damn lucky that you managed to score Finn. Plus, that perfect, sexy, wonderful, boyfriend you're imagining? I'm pretty sure he doesn't exist. Not in Lima, not anywhere. Be satisfied with the man you already have, even if he does have some flaws. Besides, you'll just have to show him that there's nothing disgusting about it.

I knew that Galinda was right, but couldn't I just have one moment to sulk over my boyfriend's insensitivity. "Finn's a big jerk."

"Why is Finn a big j-jerk?" It was the first time I had heard Tina stutter in ages, and it caught my attention.

"Your stutter's back." It was a horrendously rude thing to say, drawing attention to a disability like that, but it sure beat having to discuss my nonexistent sex life, and the fact that the reason it was so nonexistent was that my boyfriend was grossed out by gay sex.

She flushed a dark red and started fussing with her hair. "It's just because I'm stressed. When I'm stressed, it's hard to stop."

Her words struck a chord in me, and I looked her over. She hadn't said 'when I'm stressed, it gets worse'. She had said 'when I'm stressed, it's hard to stop'. As if she could control it. But she couldn't, could she?

"You should think about the word in French." Naturally, Rachel had an opinion. Rachel always had an opinion. "It unlocks your tongue and allows the words to flow off properly. Not that I ever had a problem with speech. Actually, I was in the 98th percentile by the age of-"

Blah, blah, blah.

Really. Maybe if Rachel wouldn't talk so much about herself, she would still have Finn as a boyfriend. Instead I had him.

Oh, so he's your boyfriend again? I thought you were shopping for Finn version 2.0?

Please. I might have been pissed with Finn for all of 2 minutes, but I would never seriously give him up. I loved his big lumbering ass far too much.

As if my thoughts had summoned him, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my chest and a chin come down to rest on top of my head, the breath stirring my hair. "Are you mad at me, Spider Monkey?"

Damn him, he knew that the nickname melted my heart, no matter what he had done. I twisted to give him a kiss on the neck, which was as high as I could reach without getting up on my tiptoes. The girls all cooed, and I flipped them off as discreetly as possible. Yes, I was thrilled that Finn was comfortable holding me in front of other people, but did they have to act like we were a pair of particularly adorable puppies?

Then again, Rachel had been struck speechless for the first time since I had known her, which might be worth the embarrassment. "No, I'm not mad at you."

"That's not what he said a minute ago. A minute ago he was a big jerk. What happened, he suck in bed?" Santana just couldn't let things go without making everyone as miserable as she was.

"I think he's supposed to suck, otherwise it doesn't work. By the way, Kurt, did you ever figure out how to give a blow job?" Brit managed to step in, and she might have just won the award for making this the most awkward conversation ever. Even the boys were staring now.

"Yes." The word popped out of Finn's mouth before he thought, and the entire room came to a standstill. "I mean…."

There was really nothing for him (or me for that matter) to say to salvage this conversation, so I just stood there, mouth hanging open. Puck whooped and held up his fist for Finn to bump. "Nice, Finny, you've finally become a man. You sucking cock yourself these days, or just letting Hummel do all the work?"

Oh dear Gucci, please let me die right now. Puck knowing about the fact that I had not only given my first blow job last night, but that Finn had been blowing me had featured in exactly zero of my fantasies. Ok, maybe one. One horrible, creepy fantasy that I wasn't even going to claim, now that I thought about it. That was right, zero.

Finn looked at Puck, then at me, then back at Puck, and clamped his mouth closed, head shaking. Oh, sure, he could humiliate me, but not himself? I twisted so we were face to face. "I believe Noah asked you a question, Finnegan." My tone was absolutely saccharine.

He wanted to kill me so badly right now. I could see it in the way his eyes darkened and narrowed. But then he smiled at me and turned back to the group. "Actually, yeah. Apparently I have fantastic cock sucking abilities. At least that's what Kurt seems to think, isn't that right sweetie-pookie-pie? Of course, he really doesn't seem to be able to think at all by the time its over." If possible, his tone was even more innocent then mine.

And this round goes to Finn Hudson.

If I could both kill Galinda and figure out how Finn could tamp down on his humiliation so quickly, I would be a happy man.

Laughter filled the air at Finn's comment, but it was gentle laughter, friendly laughter. Puck held up his fist again, and Finn bumped it. "Good job, because you know it isn't all about you, Bro."

Dear, God, even though I don't really believe in you, do you think you could possibly strike me down right now? Thanks, it's appreciated.

Good luck with that.

Of course, no bolt of lightening came down to put me out of my humiliated misery, but I guessed it didn't really matter. I wasn't the only member of the Glee club giving blow jobs, nor was I the only one receiving them. I was making a big deal out of absolutely nothing. Still, I was good at putting on my 'I don't give a shit what you think' mask, and I gave them all my best bitch grin. "Oh, believe me, Puck; the boy knows that it's not all about him. I would never let him forget it."

Puck smirked again, his eyes traveling up and down my body in an almost predatory way. "No, I don't think you would. You strike me as being very….vocal about what you want."

It was a battle to not shrink down or attempt to cover myself from the look I was getting. The Puckasaurus might be straight, but he just oozed sexiness. Maybe in another lifetime, one where there was no Finn, I might have been flattered. Now, I was just getting nervous.

Luckily Finn sensed it and stepped in between us. "Dude, not cool. Kurt's mine, and do I need to bring up what happened last time I had someone?"

Breaths were sucked in all over the room. Quinn, the pregnancy, and the lie it had spawned were all subjects that we avoided whenever possible. Now wasn't the time to bring it up again, not when everything else was going so well.

Puck must have been having the same thought, because he held up his hands in a placating gesture. "Chill, Finny, it's alright. Hummel's yours, I get that. You know I'm not into the whole man on man thing anyway."

"Good." That seemed to be my cue, so I came around to Finn's front, turning my face to his to ask for another kiss. He complied with a soft growl, and I wondered if anyone else would ever feel this possessive over me. Then his lips tickled my ear. "God, I love you."

The whisper was so soft that I knew no one but me could hear it, but it made my heart beat jackhammer-like against my chest. "Yeah, me too."

There was a smack from across the room, and we all turned to look at Tina and Artie. She scowled at him. "See? Why can't you be like Kurt and Finn?"

Artie looked puzzled. "Gay?"

"Romantic! Look how precious they are together. Finn must be able to be romantic, because we all know that Kurt would kill him if he wasn't. Go get some tips or something."

Ouch, trouble in paradise. Artie took the mans (read cowards) way out and immediately wheeled his way over. "I need tips on how to be more romantic so Tina doesn't kill me."

Finn laughed. "How about we talk about it during a Halo marathon?"

Like he had any tips. Well, any tips that didn't involve both of us being naked, which I was pretty sure wasn't going to fly with Tina. If I didn't get involved here, Artie was going down. "Girls, I believe that my help might be needed here, for the good of both Tina's relationship and mine. As soon as I can peel myself away from the pixilated mayhem, I'll be back."

The girls all giggled and gave me exaggerated waves goodbye. All except for Rachel, who was still giving me a wide berth. She made no attempt to approach Finn, but I wasn't about to give her the chance. She was very good at talking so much and so quickly that Finn got lost and agreed just to get rid of her. I didn't want to have to do a smackdown on the bitch, but I would if I had to.

Games were chosen, and someone produced a quarter to flip so they could determine who played first. Finn and Mike won and everyone else settled around them to watch. I had no interest in the game, but I did crawl into Finn's lap and rest my head against his chest. It probably wouldn't do much for his ability to either concentrate or hold the controller, but I had already waited too long to do something like this. He didn't protest at all, just pressed his lips below my ear.

The game started, and within seconds it had turned into chaos. The boys yelled and jumped, calling each other names. Finn twisted around to respond to them without jostling me too much, which was sweet. Not romantic in the way I would tell Artie to do it, but romantic enough for Finn Hudson.

Despite the noise, I closed my eyes contentedly, lulled by the rumbles coming out of Finn's chest. I had never thought I would get to do this with anyone, much less Finn. To be able to be close enough to smell the shampoo and sweat and sweet smell of his skin. God, I was the luckiest guy in the entire world.

I tried to follow the conversations around me, but there were so many and they all ran together. Finn was trying to kill zombies; Puck was telling a horrified Mike all about some new woman, one whose pool he had cleaned. And by cleaned, of course, he meant he slept with her. Artie and Matt were having a soft conversation about strategy, and why Finn was doing it wrong. Finn said something back, then they were all bickering, and Puck's new love was forgotten. The gist of it all seemed to be that Finn had no ability to plan ahead, something I wholeheartedly agreed with. Finn wasn't disagreeing with them, but he made the point that he was still kicking Mike's ass, because he had faster reflexes.

And he's really good with his hands. Just sayin'. Oh, and his mouth, he's great with that, too.

Those were also things I wholeheartedly agreed with. The argument continued on for another few minutes, before I heard Puck laugh. "I think Hummel's bored. He's already asleep. Finny, what did you do to the boy last night?"

"'M not asleep." My slurred voice and the fact that I was having trouble getting my eyes open, made me realize that there may have been a little more truth in that statement then I wanted to consider. "I'm just…thinking."

There was an explosion on the screen, which was perfectly timed with Finn's kissing the top of my head. The rest of the boys whooped. Matt flopped down and took the controller. "Finn loses!"

"Maybe if he would keep his concentration on the game instead of his boyfriend, he wouldn't suck so hard." With my eyes closed, I couldn't tell who had said that, but everyone else giggled at the term 'suck'.

"Maybe if you guys actually had girlfriends, you would have more important things to do then play video games." Finn was nuzzling the back of my neck now, and if he didn't stop that, there was going to be an explosion of a different sort. Thank Prada I was wearing pants that were kind of loose.

"I have a girlfriend!" Artie sounded insulted.

"Yeah, but she's pissed at you right now, so she doesn't count." Finn stretched his legs out in front of himself, making me shift position to get comfortable. "Sorry." The words blew across my ear, making me shiver.

"Yeah, about that…so, how do I make her less pissed? She wants me to be more romantic, but when I try I'm stifling her as a woman."

"Just do what she likes. When I want to make Kurt happy, I let him pick my clothes and stuff. Or sometimes I let him pick the restaurant. What sort of things does Tina like?"

And when I want to make Finn happy, I shove my hand down his pants. Works every time.

"Black?" Artie was giving Finn a hopeful look.

"Well, that's a start." Finn was making that confused face again, and I just knew this was going to end in disaster.

Ok, I needed to step in here, since neither one of them seemed to have any idea what to do. "We all know that she likes black. What are you going to do that's romantic and involves black? What else does she like? How does she spend her spare time? What's her favorite movie?"

Artie leaned back. "She likes video games, and she likes plays, especially violent ones." His eyes glazed over, getting the same look that Finn did when he was talking about me. "She loves cheeseburgers with extra bacon. Her favorite movie is the Princess Bride, though, which is cute."

I leaned back into Finn's lap, my mind already planning dates and romantic picnics in the living room with the movie playing and bacon cheeseburgers for all. A blanket on the floor could be just as romantic as a picnic in the park, with the added bonus of no bugs or dirt. I could even provide some wine glasses for added drama and-

"So, if she likes really violent video games, why the hell is she in the other room while we're in here playing them?" Finn certainly knew how to cut to the heart of the matter.

"Because she didn't want to play."

I couldn't see Finn's face from my position, but I could sense his eyes rolling. "Dude, did you ask her?"

Artie squirmed. "I asked everyone, didn't you hear me? I said that anyone who wanted to play video games should come on."

"Not good enough. You have to actually look her right in the eyes and tell her that you want her to be your playing partner. Otherwise she'll think that you just want to play with the guys, but that you're too nice to say that. I'll bet she'd be happy if you marched right in there and told her you wanted to be partners." He looked over at Artie and hastily corrected himself. "Well, I guess you need to roll in there and tell her that, but go do it."

This was one of those times when Finn pulled the perfect answer out of what seemed to be thin air. Artie squared his shoulders and wheeled himself out of the room. I rubbed my cheek against his shoulder, inhaling his scent. "That was good, Finn Hudson. Simple, yet effective."

"Works every time. I mean, that's how I got you, right?"

Funny how we seemed to have very different memories of how that had happened. "I thought you got me by shoving your hand down my pants."

"That, too." His chin dropped on top of my head, and he gave a contented sigh.

"Ok, you two. It's not that I'm not down with the gay, because anything that actually gets Finny here laid is good with me, but you two are downright disgusting. If you're going to act like a pair of chicks, why don't you just check your balls at the door?" Puck's voice wavered between sarcasm and sounding like he wanted to laugh.

"I could check your balls." Finn's voice was lecherous, but playful.

Puck stood and made a show of grabbing himself through his jeans. "Go for it. The Puckadactyl isn't afraid of catching the gay."

Finn roared. "The Puckadactyl? That has to be the worst one I've ever heard from you."

"Puckaceratops? Puckertoothed Tiger? Puckadon?" They were entering that strange territory that I knew nothing about. Not because I was gay, just because I had never had a friend like Puck, one whom I had known since childhood. Before Glee, I had never had friends at all.

"Pucktoothed sloth? Puckerhead shark? Puckbacked whale?" There was a tiny undercurrent of hysteria in Finn's voice, despite the humor, and I had to remind myself that he had been through way too much in the past three days, running on very little sleep and too much emotion. He was overstimulated and needed someone to ground him before he reverted to what he had been like on that vitamin D. As soon as this party was over, I was taking back to my place for a blow job and a long nap.

I stroked my hand down his thigh, murmuring softly to try and soothe him. "Easy, easy. Calm now."

Puck saw what I was doing and sat back down, breaking eye contact with Finn. Once that was gone, my boyfriend settled and laid his head on top of mine. "Tired."

"I know, baby, I know." I patted his leg again. "Just give it a little longer and we'll go home."

"Kay." That was typical Finn. He would keep going, looking perfectly normal, until his entire body just gave out on him and he would crash into sleep. He kissed the nape of my neck, and if he didn't stop that we were leaving right now.

There was a noise from the doorway, and Artie rolled in, Tina all but swooning at his side. Artie pointed at the console. "Drop those controllers, there's a lady here now, and she gets priority."

The smile on Tina's face could have powered the entirety of Lima for weeks. We all scooted to make room for her, and she sat down next to Finn and I. She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Finn."

"No problem." They exchanged smiles, and I hid one of my own against Finn's chest. I really, really liked it when all of my friends got along, and that didn't always happen. Finn was friendly, but in an oddly distant way. I had thought that it was just with the Glee club at first, that he was still embarrassed to be seen with us, but now I wasn't so sure. It might have just been Finn's personality to like everyone, but only be close to a few people.

And you're one of those people. Doesn't it make you feel good?

Very, though not nearly as good as Finn's tongue on the back of my neck was making me feel. I squeezed his knee as tightly as I could, causing him to suck in a quick breath. He pressed his face into my shoulder, and I used that as an excuse to whisper into his ear. "If you don't stop that, I am going to cut you off for a month."

Finn's pulling back was comically fast. He knew as well as I did that I would never actually cut him off, but just the thought made for an effective threat. "Mean."

"Sadistic." I whispered the word into his ear, realizing as I did so that he probably didn't know what it meant.

"Sounds kinky." Finn was always up for something that might lead to groping for him.

I smiled again. "Not the good kind of kinky, I promise."

"Damn." He laid his chin against my shoulder, just resting and smelling me. I had no idea why he liked doing that, since he couldn't be smelling much (unlike him, I showered every single day), but somehow it was sweet and possessive and not at all creepy, which was how it would have been with anyone else. Love had officially made me an idiot and, the worst part was, I didn't even care.

"Are you ready to leave?" I nudged his knee again, tickling this time instead of trying to squeeze him to death. "I'm sure we can find something much more interesting to do at home…" I let my voice trail off suggestively.

"But Rach is going to let us have cake."

He wanted cake? Really, was cake more important then possibly fooling around with his extra special boyfriend? I shot him an evil look, one that made him look confused. "Really, Cowboy?"

Oh, come off of it. You know that Finn thinks with his stomach first, his dick second, and his brain last. Dead last.

Yes, I knew that. I just had to figure out how to get him thinking with his dick again, and we would all be happy. Luckily, Finn was pretty easy to bring around to my way of thinking. I slipped a hand under his shirt and traced his stomach. "What was that?"

He squirmed. "But she made it herself. She can cook, Kurt, and it's really, really, good."

I glared and stroked again. "I can think of something else that's really, really good."

"Yeah, but.-"

To my horror, he was cut off by Puck. "Hummel, quit groping your boyfriend in front of everyone! Can you two not control yourselves for even one hour?"

I might have died of embarrassment right there, except I was rescued by the one and only Rachel Berry. "Need I bring up what I found you doing on top of my father's pool table? I'm going to have to get the felt steam cleaned before they get home."

"Who do you think he got caught with?" Finn's breath tickled my ear.

It was a good question. Santana kept swearing that she would never touch Puck again, Brit had been in our sight for the entire party, Rachel would never out herself, Tina was playing games, and, if Quinn had any sense at all, she would never go within 10 feet of Puck's cock again. That just left…oh, she wouldn't!

I turned and gave Mercedes a look, but she was too busy staring down at her hands, her face flushed even darker. Oh, Mercedes, with Puck? Finn nudged me. "What? What's going on?"

I squeezed his leg again. "Shut up, I'll tell you later." It came out as a sharp hiss, and he nodded at my tone.

Rachel didn't dwell on it, though, and I was pretty sure that no one noticed Mercedes but me. "And Kurt and Finn? He's right; it's not polite to grope someone in a house that doesn't belong to you. Particularly in front of your ex."

"Two exes." Quinn patted her bulging belly.

Like they were suddenly paragons of manners. Normally, I would have given her a rude retort, but Mercedes was giving me a desperate look, and I kept my mouth shut and the attention deflected off of her. Still, with Puck? The thought was so horrible that it just kept circling around and around in my head, making me feel ill. What did every girl in Glee see in him?

Have you seen his abs? And his pecs? And his biceps? And I know you saw everything in the showers when you were on the football team. Face it, Kurt, Puck has a great body. And with the amount of practice he gets, he must be good in bed.

Ew! There was absolutely nothing about Noah Puckerman that I considered even remotely attractive. He was crude, disgusting, and a total womanizer. He had slushied me, embarrassed me, and, worst of all, thrown me in dumpsters and ruined my clothes! I completely failed to understand what the big attraction was.

You fail to understand it because you have Finn now. Any outside observer would conclude that Puck is completely fuckable. Including your main girl, apparently.

Galinda then insisted on sharing an extremely vivid mental picture of Puck with Mercedes and suddenly I didn't care if Finn wanted to stay for cake. I was so repulsed that sex was a distant memory.

Finn gave her his patented cute grin. "Sorry, Rachel. Are we having cake now?"

She smiled. "Of course. As the male lead, and the one who saved us from losing the competition with your 11th hour arrival, you can have the first piece."

He hadn't really wanted the cake, but he could sense the sudden tension in the room (and no doubt in my body) and was doing his best to dispel it by offering us all something else to do. Of course, now that he had been offered the first piece, he was all for it. "Sweet, are there roses on it?"

With a smooth grace, he stood up, lifting me with him. Even though Finn had never dropped me, I was still afraid he would, and thrashed convulsively, my arms gripping his neck as tightly as possible. He grunted as I cut off his air. "Easy."

As gently as he could, and certainly more gently then I would have thought Finn capable of, he dropped my legs to the ground. "Come on, Kurt, cake."

Of course, there were no roses on the cake. There were, however, an abundance of glittery gold stars, as well as the word "CONTRATULATIONS GLEE CLUB" spelled out in decorative rainbow colored balls. It was an atrocity. Still, I couldn't help the thrill of pride that came from seeing it. Despite all the odds, all the shit that had been thrown at us, we had made it and won.

There were candles, 12 of them artfully arranged around the edges. Rachel smiled. "One for each of us." She pulled out a camera and set it on the counter, focusing on the table. "Ok, everyone get around and we'll blow them out together."

It was so incredibly dorky, but I couldn't help but be excited. Despite our differences, despite Quinn sleeping with Puck and getting pregnant, despite our struggles with slushies and lying wives and girlfriends, despite quarterbacks with broken arms and sudden crisis's of sexuality, even despite losing our set lists and our coach, we had survived. Beyond that, we had triumphed.

Finn's body was warm and comforting against my back as we chose candles next each other. Puck provided a lighter, and the flames cast flickering shadows over the faces of my teammates.

Rachel hit the delay button on the camera, and started counting down. Finn leaned over my shoulder, his arms wrapping around my chest and pulled me back against his body. If there was one perfect moment in all of this, it was right now, with my boyfriend unashamed and holding me in front of everyone present. "Three…two…one!"

Click.