Kurt POV
I ended up getting caught up at the garage, where all of my fathers employees had decided to throw me an impromptu party to celebrate my win at Sectionals. Most of them had been with Dad since I was really little, and, since Mom had died, they had stepped up as babysitters and playmates, considering I didn't have any friends of my own. To this day, the only reason I can tie my shoes is because Rob taught me all about the bunny going into its hole.
Of course, stupid Dad also had to tell all of them that I had my first boyfriend, which was just humiliating. They all applauded and started asking questions, like what his name was, and where I had met him and when I would be bringing him by the garage. Finn Hudson, school, and never. If I let him go to the garage, they would scare him so badly that he would not only dump me, he would be too afraid to even look at me ever again.
I'm pretty sure that that's why you aren't allowed to meet his other friend. Did he ever even give you a name for that guy?
He hadn't, and, luckily, Evan picked up on something else I had said and changed the subject. He turned around to face Dad. "Wait, Finn Hudson? Isn't that chick you're dating named Hudson?"
"Yes. Finn would be Carole's son." Dad squeezed his eyes shut when he admitted it.
Jaws dropped all over the room. Rob started to stammer. "T-that's…uh…wow."
I guessed it did sound a little creepy to an outsider. "I liked Finn way before Dad liked Carole. And I started dating him first. Kind of."
Dad snorted. "Taking him to the hospital is not a date, Kurt. I had taken Carole out at least three times before he took you for sushi."
But I fooled around with him before you did with his mother. At least I hoped so, because the alternative was just too horrifying to imagine.
"Wait, what did Kurt do to put his new boyfriend in the hospital before they even had a first date?" My celebration was forgotten as everyone started pumping us for information.
Dad and I filled them all in on the saga that he been dating Finn and Carole. I tried to hold back, but soon I was blathering away, telling them all about Finn, and how cute he was, and how he told me that he loved me, and he had taken me out on two dates and even held my hand and not been embarrassed! I knew I sounded like an over stimulated toddler, but Finn was the most exciting thing that had ever happened to me, and I hadn't had the chance to tell anyone about him like this. The girls knew, of course, but that didn't count. They had been there right from the beginning. It sounded so much cooler when I could edit out the bad parts, or the ones that were too personal or embarrassing.
It was probably a testament to how much these men loved me that they let me ramble on and on, even when I got a little long winded while describing Finn's eyes, or when I gave him a blow by blow description of our date at the sushi restaurant. Finally Dad stepped in and rescued them. "Kurt, let's cut the cake."
What he really meant was 'Kurt, you're babbling and these men absolutely do not care about that sweater that brings out the gold in Finn's eyes.' "Ok."
The 'cake' was actually a box of doughnuts, but it was the thought that counted. I picked the least offensive looking offering. True, it would go right to my thighs, but I had been burning an awful lot of calories lately, most of them doing inappropriate things with one Finn Hudson, so I guessed it would be ok.
The guys all grabbed cream filled monstrosities and kept quizzing me about Glee, asking where we went from here, and what we had sung. I filled them in on the drama surrounding our set lists somehow being leaked, but our eventual victory. I even managed to tell them about Finn's daring rescue without getting too mushy or starry eyed.
A sharp ringing sound broke into the story and made us all jump. Someone had entered the shop. Since I was the only one whose fingers weren't covered in either chocolate or Boston cream, I stood up. "I'll get it."
I squared my shoulders and stepped out, giving the young woman standing there my most winning smile. "Good afternoon, ma'am, welcome to Hummel Tire and Lube. I'm Kurt Hummel, how can I help you?"
She smiled, and there was something a little strange about it. "I was just hoping to get my oil changed. I know that I'm overdue."
"Of course. We aren't busy today, so I can get you in right away. Please have a seat."
"So, are you the owner?" She leaned forward, and I was struck with the sudden desire to tell her that her top was way too low cut.
"No, my father is the owner of the shop. He'll be the one doing the actual work." I couldn't figure out why she kept smiling like that.
"Oh." She leaned even further, and I could practically see down to her nipples. Honestly, girl, men like at least a little bit of mystery. "Well, I hope he's as good as his son."
What did that- Oh, Prada, she was flirting with me! An actual girl was attempting to flirt with me. I froze, not sure how to handle this. I had to clamp down on the desire to flat out tell her I was gay. It had worked for Mercedes, but something told me that it wouldn't work this time. This was way creepy.
Run! Run like Hell!
"I, uh, please pull your car around to the second garage door." For once, Galinda had some good advice, and I raced down the hallway.
When I had left before, I hadn't closed the door all the way, and I could hear the voices inside. I was about to push it open when I heard Rob say "God, I can't believe that our little Kurt actually has a boyfriend. He just seems so fragile."
"I know." Dad's voice was soft. "I always kind of thought that he would go off to New York or some place like that and just call me up one day and tell me that he had met someone. I wanted him to make it out of Lima, to be somewhere where he would be safe."
"Do you think this Finn boy is good enough for him?" Evan sounded threatening. "Because we can take him out if we need to."
"No, Finn's a good boy. I just worry that Kurt's going to want more out of life then Finn does, and that's going to cause problems. I don't want Kurt to give up his dreams for someone else."
That wouldn't happen, would it? I realized that I had never told Finn my dreams of New York. I had just assumed that I would go and he would go with me. But he must have dreams of his own. Maybe he didn't want to leave Ohio and his mother. Or maybe a big city just wasn't for him.
Kurt, if you don't do something besides stand in this hallway like a creeper, perv girl is going to come looking for you.
That thought was enough to propel me into the room. "Dad? Some girl wants her oil changed and I am not dressed for that yet. Can you do it?"
He smiled like they hadn't just been discussing me. "Of course, but get changed. Your party wasn't supposed to last all day, and I need you to help Rob with that belt replacement."
"Ok." I grabbed my bag and rushed to the bathroom, praying that I could get changed and started on the belt before that girl came back inside.
As I changed, I wondered about what Dad had said. As much as I hated to admit it, there was a reason that most high school romances failed. Should I talk to Finn about it or just let things happen naturally?
Yeah, because Finn would love to find out that you're keeping things from him. Talk to him, but try not to sound accusing. Gentle questions, be easy, and be prepared for a broken heart.
Why did Galinda always have to be such a downer? I slipped my coveralls on and crept through the side door so I could avoid the girl in the lobby. Rob smiled at me when I came out. "Ready?"
"Yeah." Rob had been working for my father since before my mother died and was almost like a third parent to me. He had been the third person I came out to, after Mercedes and Dad, and all he had done was give me a gentle smile and tell me that he had always kind of thought so. He was young and good looking and I had had the worst puppy crush on him when I was younger. He had been tolerant of my falling all over myself to be close to him, laughing and allowing me to flirt awkwardly. Luckily the crush had disappeared about the time puberty hit. Then I had seen Finn and all other men had faded away.
He smiled at me now. "So, tell me more about Finn. What does he look like?"
The nice thing about Rob was that he was genuinely interested. I pulled my phone out and showed him my favorite picture of Finn. I had taken it during Glee practice, when he was talking to Puck. It was one of the best pictures of just him, because he was giving a full natural smile, instead of the closed lipped one I always got in a posed picture. Rob smiled. "He looks huge."
Excuse me? Had Rob just suggested that...he continued on before I could voice the thought. "What is he, six feet? 6'1?"
Oh, he meant Finn's height. "He's 6'3."
Pervert. No one wants to know Finn's dick size but you. And Rachel.
"Tall, dark and handsome. Nice." He popped the hood. "He treats you right, doesn't he, Kurt? He's kind and loving and doesn't push you into anything you don't want to do?"
"No, he's great. We haven't…" I broke off when I realized what I was saying. "I'm sorry; you don't want to hear this."
"It's alright. Look, Kurt, I'm not gay, but I want you to feel like you can tell me things. I know that there are some things that are hard to talk about with your father." He smiled and patted my back, smearing oil on my coveralls. "Like maybe what you may or may not have done with your boyfriend."
I had to smile back. "Thank you, Rob. I appreciate it, but, um, could you maybe pretend I didn't start to say anything? It's kind of humiliating."
"Sure. Just remember I'm here for you. Hand me that wrench please." I did so, taking the old belt as he held it out. "Do you have any more pictures of Mr. Finn?"
There were probably a dozen on my phone alone. Because he had been so understanding so far, I showed him my personal favorite, which Tina had taken of Finn and I in the hammock at her house. It was another candid shot, and I was snuggled up against his chest, my eyes closed and one arm around his neck. Finn was smiling down at me, and there was something so gentle and loving in his eyes that it almost brought tears to mine every time I saw it. Rob smiled at it. "He's a cutie. Looks like a big gentle giant, huh?"
That was one of the best descriptions of Finn I had heard lately. "Yeah. He's great."
"I can tell. I don't think you've stopped smiling yet." Luckily, he let it go there, and changed the subject back to school. I told him about my grades, which were very good this year, and how I had joined the football team, and what Glee was like. Rob didn't say anything, but I could tell that he was proud that I was coming out of my shell a little bit and making some friends. I didn't tell him about the bullying, or the slushies, or the fact that I could identify any dumpster at school from the inside. I had a feeling that he had already heard it all from Dad, anyway.
Speaking of Dad, he called me away from the floor before my job was done. "Coming!" There was a funny expression on his face, as if he had swallowed a bug.
"What's up?" I couldn't figure out what was going on.
"Kurt, is there a reason that you wanted to dump the oil change on me? Ms. Lawson was very disappointed when she found out that she wouldn't be seeing you again." He made another strange face, and I realized that he was trying to hold back laughter. "She wanted me to give you this." Now he was cracking up, and I was suddenly very, very, afraid to look at what he was holding.
I raised my eyes, and had a sudden wish for blindness. There, clutched between my father's thumb and forefinger was a thong. A pink, lacy thong with a phone number written on it. I wanted to vomit. Dad took one look at my face and started howling. "You made quite the impression, son."
"But…but…what did you tell her?" I knew I sounded slightly hysterical, but I couldn't help it. That thing was just so disgusting!
"I told her that I though you were with someone, but that I would pass the message along." Before I could stop him, he took the offending object down the hall, yelling for the rest of the staff to come see it. "My little boy is growing up!"
Now everyone was laughing, and all I wanted to do was huddle in the bathroom and die. I made my worst diva face at them. "I hate you all." Of course, that only made them laugh harder.
Evan grinned at me. "You might need to call that boyfriend of yours to protect you, Kurt. When a girl is that….forward, she's usually moving in for the kill."
I panicked. "But I can't! I'm gay and I have Finn and I don't even like girls! They freak me out and what if-"
The laughter stopped when they saw how upset I was getting. Dad patted my back. "Kurt, it's ok. She's not coming back, and if she does one of us will handle her. Ok?"
"Just don't call her." Rob was trying to comfort me. "That's a pretty clear message that you aren't interested. But bring Finn around to protect you any way; we're all dying to meet him."
I might have been panicking, but that didn't make me stupid. "I'm not bringing him here! I actually want to keep him around."
"Do you plan on showing him the gift you just got or is that just between us guys?" I was so going to kill them all.
"Finn will never find out about this. Never." I don't know why I even bothered saying that. Of course Finn would find out. Finn found everything out eventually.
Because fate and the universe hate me, Dad's phone rang. The ring was unfamiliar, but Dad lit up. He grabbed it and held it to his ear. "Carole! How are things?" His face turned all dopey, and I would have felt much more superior if I didn't know for a fact that I made the same face when I looked at Finn.
"They said what? How did Finn take it? No, of course I can do that. Just a little loan.. Let me know how I can help, ok?" He glanced over at my pleading face. "Is Finn there? Kurt would like a moment to speak to him. Oh, really? Ok, I'll tell him." He covered the mouthpiece. "Finn will call you tonight. He's in the bathroom."
"Oh. Ok." I tried to ignore the looks all the other guys were giving each other. The ones that said I had it bad for Finn. I did, but I didn't want it to be so obvious. That would kind of defeat the purpose of keeping us a secret.
Even though the rest of the guys were kind of being jerks, I do have class, so I graciously thanked them for the party. I seldom work a full day after school, because Dad likes for me to have enough time to take care of my homework before it gets too late, so I left the garage alone. Even though he kept telling me that I didn't have to, I usually started dinner as well. If it was left up to Dad, we would eat nothing but pizza and things he could do on the grill.
I had a few casseroles in the freezer, so I pulled one out and set it in the oven. I tried Finn, but he didn't answer his phone. Math it was. I was trying to solve a particularly difficult problem when Finn's ringtone cut the air. I grabbed it almost before the first ring was done. "Hello Finn Hudson!"
"Hey, Kurt." To anyone else, he would have sounded as chipper as always, but I could detect an undertone of misery in his voice. Uh-oh, he must have gotten the test results.
"What's wrong, Cowboy?" I closed the book and gave him my full attention.
"Nothing. I just wanted to hear your voice." His tone belied his words, but drawing attention to that would just make him mad, so I hummed noncommittally.
Finn talked for a little bit, telling me a little more about the tests, and how he had told Ms. Pillsbury that he was suing the school and Mr. Shue. I tsk tsked him about it, but secretly I was pretty proud of him. I didn't know that I could have come up with that on such short notice.
Finally he talked around to why he had called. "Ms. Pillsbury called Mom. Guess what?" His voice was funny and breathy and I knew he was trying not to cry. I suspected that he was asking me a rhetorical question, so I waited without saying anything. That proved to be the right move, because he kept going. "She thinks that I'm not stupid, but that I have two different learning problems. That sounds pretty stupid to me."
"How many times to I have to tell you that a learning disability is not stupidity?" Apparently at least two or three times more. But it was hard to overcome 11 years (assuming that Finn started falling behind academically right way) of feeling worthless in just a few weeks. I got that, sometimes (mostly when I was laying in bed at night, and the old fears started coming back) I couldn't believe that I was good enough for him, that there had to be some sort of catch that came with this relationship.
"Could you say it just one more time?" It was a quiet request.
"Of course. You aren't stupid, Finn. Lots of people have learning disorders, even really smart, famous people. What did she say was wrong?"
"She said that she couldn't actually give me a diagnosis, but that it looked like I was dyslexic, and that I had, uh, those letters that mean you're a spaz and you need to go on Ritalin."
"ADHD?" My mind spun as I tried to remember Finn's behavior and how it might fit those diagnoses.
"Kind of. I think that's too many letters, though." He sounded confused.
"ADD?" I wasn't 100% sure what the difference between the two was, but that was what Google was for, right?
"Yeah, that's it. But she's not a doctor, so she has to send me to a specialist to actually get diagnosed. I don't want to go, because we really don't have the money for it, but Mom's going to make me."
I suddenly realized that that was what Dad had been talking about when he had offered Carole a loan earlier. He wanted Finn to be able to get the help he needed. Sure, he had phrased it as a loan, but I knew that he would never ask for the money back. It was his way of saying that we were a family now, even if the two of them never made it official. "Sorry, Cowboy, I have to side with your mother on this one. It's important that you go to the doctor and get all sorted out."
"Yeah, I thought you might say that." He heaved a dramatic sigh, just so he could tell me how mean he thought I was, and I summarily ignored him. Then he perked right up. "So, do you want to go out with me on Friday?"
Did I ever not want to go out with Finn? "Sure. Where?"
"You pick. But I want to get ice cream after." He sounded entirely normal, just like he had never been upset at all.
"There's a foot of snow on the ground." Even so, if Finn wanted ice cream, I would give him ice cream. Whatever Finn wanted, I would move mountains to get it for him.
He snickered, and I could hear his smile through the phone. "I like watching you eat it. It's like a porno, only better because you're actually there."
Did it get hot in here, or was it just me? My jaw dropped, and I found my lips moving without a single peep coming out. Finally I forced words out. "O-ok."
"Then, after the date, we can come home, and screw around. Then, after the screwing around, we figure out how we're going to get Mr. Shue back and win Regionals." There it was, the Finn Hudson plan for a perfect evening.
Sounds good to me. How about you make the meal instead of going somewhere? Your father has been working late this week, and it's a very short walk from the kitchen to your bedroom.
I really liked it when Galinda and I were in agreement. "You know what? I have a better idea. You come over here, and I'll make dinner for both of us. Do you like fondue?"
There was a long silence while he either contemplated it or tried to figure out what fondue was. Knowing Finn, it was probably the latter. "Is fondue that sparkly crap that you put on a cake?"
What? I searched my mind, trying to figure out exactly what he meant by that. Oh. "You're thinking of fondant. Fondue is either cheese or chocolate that you heat up until it's melted, then dip fruits and things like that in it."
"No way." Finn sounded stunned. "You can actually dip shit in chocolate and call it a meal? I love your fancy food!"
The poor thing needed some culture, stat. "Yes, you can. Can you come over right after Glee?"
"Sweet!" There was a brief crackling sound, which made me suspicious that he was dancing around like a fool. Then he settled down and came back on the line. "Can I ask you a favor?"
Please let it be that he wants me to redo his wardrobe, please let it be that he wants me to redo his wardrobe, please let it- I interrupted myself. "Sure. What else are boyfriends for?"
"Screwing around. But will you take me out to Shuester's tomorrow? If I have Mom take me, she'll go in there and screw it all up by bitching him out, and I won't get to do it myself. But if I just walk over there, then I don't have an escape if it goes bad. You're perfect to drive me!"
There were a few steps missing in that equation. "Why do you need to go over to Mr. Shuester's house tomorrow? I didn't think you were speaking to him."
Finn went quiet, only the soft breathing still coming through the line telling me that I hadn't lost the connection. "Finn?" I prompted him as gently as possible, not wanting to rile his temper.
"Huh? Oh, well…." He trailed off. "Can we talk more about the fondue?"
"No. I'm perfectly willing to take you over to talk to Mr. Shue, but I want to know why it's so important."
More breathing. "You'll be mad."
"I won't be mad, Cowboy, just tell me."
"I want him to be our coach again." He said it as fast as possible, and I could just imagine his shoulders pulling down, almost as if he was anticipating a blow.
Don't be angry; don't be angry, you promised him you wouldn't be angry. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts. Think about bunnies and puppies and Finn stark naked.
I followed Galinda's advice until I felt sure that I could speak without shrieking. "Why do you want that?"
"Because I want to win Sectionals. Mr. Ryerson isn't going to be able to make that happen, period." Anyone else would have thought that that was is, but I knew better. Finn wasn't terribly concerned with winning. He liked it, for sure, but his sun didn't rise and set on having the best score or the highest numbers. His career as the McKinley high quarterback should have made that clear enough.
No, his sun rises and sets on you, sweetheart. Keep that in mind.
"That was a good try, Finn, but how about you give me the truth this time." My voice was gentle, but also told him that I wasn't going to believe a bullshit answer.
He sighed. "Mr. Ryerson slapped your butt. I'm the only one allowed to slap your butt, and I don't want you to end up in the crazy ward like Hank. I don't want you to have to move in with your uncle either."
I took a minute to try and decipher what he was saying. What in the world would- oh, he was talking about that guy who had tried to commit suicide last year. Though exactly what that had to do with Mr. Ryerson was a bit confusing. "First of all, I don't have an uncle. At least not one we speak to. Mom has a brother, but Dad and I never see him." I strongly suspected that I was the reason for that, since Dad usually referred to Uncle Andrew as 'the bigot' when he didn't think that I was in earshot, but nothing was ever directly said. "And second, I would never do something as foolish as what Hank did."
"It doesn't matter. No one has the right to touch you like that, and I know that no one will believe us if we tell someone. Plus, Mr. Ryerson is creepy with a capital K. I can't kick his ass, since he's, like, a teacher, so I have to keep you safe some other way. If that means getting Mr. Shue back, then…well, I guess that's what I have to do."
My heart jumped in my chest and I actually felt tears form at the back of my eyes. This might well be on the most romantic gesture anyone could have possibly made for me. Finn was willing to accept Mr. Shue back, just to keep from me having to deal with one perverted choir coach. "Thank you, Finn. But you don't have to do this."
"I do, and please don't cry. You're my boyfriend, and I love you. Plus…I do want to win." Finn's voice was gentle.
"You're pretty much the best boyfriend who ever lived. You've totally stored up some great karma points." I wanted nothing more then to hug him as tightly as possible.
"So, the next time I spill something on your clothes, or say something really stupid, it won't matter? Karma's like a get out of jail free card, right?"
He was so cute. "You can look at it that way."
"Awesome. So, you'll do it?" Finn was so hopeful that I couldn't even consider telling him no.
"Yes, I'll do it. Do you need me to come up, or should I just wait in the car?" Either was fine, since I was way behind on my fashion mags. Between Glee and having a boyfriend, I didn't have the same amount of free time that I had had before.
"Uh, I'm not sure. Can you maybe just keep your phone on, so I can call you if I need you?"
"Of course." I would do anything for Finn, no matter how silly.
"Great, so how about- hang on a second, Kurt." I could hear him talking to Carole in the background, telling him to get off the phone and go to bed. It wasn't that late, but I had come to realize that Finn required a lot of sleep or he was a cranky nightmare the next morning. I had read somewhere that you do most of your growing in your sleep, but did Finn really need to get any taller?
Or any bigger in other places. Just saying.
Finn came back on the line. "Mom says she's taking my phone if I don't get off. I love you, and I'll see you first thing tomorrow."
"I love you, too, baby. Thank you so much for doing this for me." I knew that it would embarrass him if I said it, but I had to.
"Yeah, it's nothing." I could hear the blush in his voice. He told me he loved me once more and we hung up.
For a second, I looked up the stairs, feeling jealousy swell in my heart. Dad was still upstairs, but he didn't care what time I went to bed. If I stayed up all night and fell asleep in class the next day, he wouldn't notice. Nor would he be particularly concerned if I started going to bed at 7:30 in the evening and getting up at three in the morning. He totally trusted me to self-regulate. I liked it most of the time, but sometimes, like right now, I didn't.
Since it was still early for me, I sat down in front of the computer to do a little research on both adult ADD and dyslexia. The more I read, the more I realized that Finn probably had both. Despite what I had insisted to him earlier, my heart sank. While neither issue was life threatening, it wasn't anything that was going to go away either. This was something that Finn was going to have to live with, and learn to cope with, for the rest of his life.
So what. He's still Finn, and he's going to need you more then ever. I think you can manage to be there for him.
Of course I could. I just worried about Finn, and how he was going to take all this. His self esteem was so fragile, despite everything he had going for him. Well, I was just going to have to remind him how great he was. It was hardly difficult.
Good job. Now figure out how to sex that boy up. Maybe you should be doing less research about Finn's problems, and more about how you're finally going to get laid. I'm dying here, throw me a bone! Hee-hee, I said bone.
I cocked my head, listening for any movement from my father upstairs. Nothing. I felt guilty, just like I did every time I looked up porn. Everything seemed so filthy in those videos. I mean, I kind of knew that that was the point, but weren't there any videos where the guys actually liked each other and weren't just in it for the paycheck?
Or where you didn't just….God I hated to be this crude, but, well….cram it in there? That couldn't possibly be the right way to do it. Or was it? Not for the first time, I wished we lived anywhere but Lima, because there would be some sort of gay advocacy center that would help me with all this.
Just let it go. You know the basics from online, lots of lube, be gentle. You can figure out the rest on your own, I'm sure. You're making this out to be a much bigger deal then it actually is.
How could sex not be a big deal? I wasn't Puck, or Santana. I was just Kurt, who wanted things to be romantic, and perfect, and to lose my virginity to someone I actually loved. What was wrong with that?
Nothing. You just stick with what you want, and the rest will fall into place. Don't let anyone, not Finn, not your father, not Puck or Santana; tell you that what you want is wrong.
Good. I was master of my own destiny here, and, soon, I would no longer be a virgin. Right?
Right.