Authors' Foreword

Where in the world can the story go from here? Maybe it's a secret tale of a man that repressed his true feelings and such because it wasn't masculine and only started on his tale of self-discovery with the accidental help of his cousin… Or maybe that's only a part of it and it's more about the kind of convoluted stupidity that only the Motorman can get into.

ELELELELEL

It'd been almost four hours since he'd left his cousin and Green Babe's wedding, and Eddie wasn't a bit closer to resolving his issues than he'd been then. If anything, laying on the grass and looking at the sky was making things seriously worse 'cause it reminded him of how he felt.

His idea to bust the wedding and run off with Drew went up with smoke when Green's family showed up in ill spirits. The Big Blue Dude looked like he would've savored the chance to take out his seriously bogus frustrations on some unwitting bad dude, not to mention what Shego would have done if he wouldn't have been able to take her down or get outta there fast enough.

And now Eddie was kicking himself. Because now Drew and Green Babe were hitched. There had been a chance for him to totally stop it and prove that he wanted Drew more than Green Babe did and he didn't take it. Hell, he couldn't take it! This was one of those times that thinking ahead would've actually been a good thing.

Eddie was mystified at a weird hitching feeling in his chest at the idea that Drew and Green Babe were gonna stick together for the rest of forever or whatever. It kinda hurt. It was like earlier, when those weird tears came to his eyes…

"No way…" he murmured as he realized what it probably was as tears pooled in his eyes again. The mane motorman was actually upset! Sad and all those girly emotions that a guy like him shouldn't have! It should have felt wrong, but it really, really didn't. In fact, it felt strangely good.

The hitch in his chest heaved a little, and more tears came to his eyes. He had lost, again, the one that could've been 'the One'. And instead of annoyed blue eyes glaring at him when he came back to see his girl on the arms of a seriously tall nerdy dude with some seriously gnarly fighting chops, it was to the Green Babe, who had even more fighting chops!

And worse, this one should've been way obvious to him! His little cousin, a guy he's known since he was a kid, and he missed it because he was seriously stuck on being a big manly guy…

If he could go back in time, he would've protested the wedding. Given a speech like he should've, like he'd seen in all of those movies and crap that were all romance-y and where the main person got the person they seriously dug afterwards. Things he'd been made to watch by ladies, but now he could admit that he had genuinely wanted to see.

Man, he'd been a total idiot.

Frowning, Eddie wiped his face and asked the open air, "So, the mulletman loses out again, huh? Seriously bogus. But… It ain't like I can do nothin' now. Drew and Green Babe tied the knot. It's not like I can kidnap Cuz and-.." His rambling came to a halt and his eyes widened as a seriously obvious fact smacked him in the face. "Wait a sec… Why can't I just snatch Drew?" He sat back up, staring down the mountain at the parts of the cities that could be seen. With some joy, Eddie noted, "Divorce is totally a thing! And that'd be, like, totally a thing, if I could just convince Drew..."

Getting to his feet, a plan began to form in his mind. Planning was totally not one of his great skills, unlike Drew, but when push came to shove Eddie could come up with passable ideas. All he'd have to do is wait 'til Green Babe was gone... But what if Drew fought him? He needed a better plan, seriously, but what else could he do? A 'passable' plan wouldn't work, right? It'd have to be perfect! It wasn't like planning out a mod to a car or bike, or engineering something up from scratch! How could he make a pla-...

"Wait a minute..." he stopped, holding his arms out like he was stopping his crew, thinking hard for a minute. He could plan out mechanical engineering in his sleep. Even when he did mods on the fly, he planned them in his head before actually doing 'em, right? So... Maybe if he planned this like an engineering problem...

"Yeah..." Eddie nodded to himself, certain that this was the way to go plan-wise. He dropped his hands and finished walking over to his hog, swinging his leg over to settle into the seat. Then, as he'd done before when planning out a part, he propped his elbows on the gas tank and his chin on his palms and thought. The idea of waiting 'til she's gone is no guarantee, so... What?

He'd need some bitchin' backup, or some other edge for Green Babe... And to make sure he could take Drew if he objected, 'specially with those vines.

He dropped one of his hands to gently tap the gas cap of his hog... And it all came together in a seriously awesome flash! All he needed was about half a day, his main garage, and some of his seriously wicked tools to really make himself something that could fight off Green while absconding with Cousin Drew!

He kicked his bike into life and revved it a few times, more of his plan coalescing in his head. The plan was unrolling with the smoothness he was accustomed to when it came to engineering problems, and was making him almost preternaturally attuned with his hog and the road.

He wouldn't normally bomb down Mount Middleton like he was at that moment, but he didn't even notice he'd topped 100 MPH through a section even he normally took at barely 80. He didn't think once about what gear he was in, he just was. He didn't think about any of the power slides necessary to negotiate some of the turns, he just busted 'em out.

The only hint that he was actually enjoying the ride was the goofy, almost insane grin on his face. He didn't care, though. All he knew, without a doubt, that he was having his best ride ever!

He was just rounding a particularly tricky section that had slowed his headlong ride to just over 90 when he noticed the familiar roar of a jet plane. It was seriously strange for one to be this close to the mountain, what with the risk of smackin' right into the side of it. Unless it was the Air Force outta Carson. But that didn't sound like any jet the 'States used...

He glanced around, but didn't see it. That meant that the pilot was flying seriously low! Lower than normal nap-of-the-earth flying, even! The pilot must've been way sure of themselves. Eddie was just about to write it off as some show-off, popping down a gear for some added grunt to get up to speed, when the jet in question cleared the dropoff to his right.

The surprise nearly made Eddie ditch the bike, and the engine somehow conked out. As it was, he managed to fall into a barely controlled skid, finally sliding to a stop at the end of a scenic turnout.

While his bike managed to flip itself up to settle gingerly against the guardrail, he was sent face first into the dirt. He was about to start berating the jet in various languages, including sign language, when the color scheme registered. Then a voice blared from hidden speakers, a voice that he seriously didn't want to hear.

"Eddie!" The roar of the engines settled to a soft thrum, very similar, if smoother, than one of Drew's hovers, and the canopy popped, revealing Shego as she smirked down at him.

The mustachioed man couldn't keep his jaw from dropping. She looked seriously hot wearing tight fitting black jeans and a green, form hugging t-shirt. At the same time, he couldn't keep his enthusiasm, more accurately the lack of it, out of his voice as he shouted, "Green Babe? What're you doin' here?"

"Looking for you, doofus!" She sounded seriously annoyed as she set the craft down in the large patch of dirt behind his bike, the wings folding up like a carrier based jet, leaving plenty of room for people to pass by on the road.

As soon as the jet was down, he realized that in addition to the tight t-shirt and the hip-hugging jeans, she wore some comfortable sandals. Completely unsafe for driving a jet… Which just made it seriously awesome! He had to make himself remember that he was totally not happy with Green Babe right now...

"Seriously, what're you doing here?" Ed griped at her, "'cause I didn't hear you answer that question, seriously!"

Her brows furrowed as she snarled, "I'm here to get a goddamn explanation for last night!"

"Last night?" A lump of fear formed in his throat as he said with some nerves, "Yeah, sorry 'bout dropping Drew off like he was. I, uh, totally misjudged how much booze was in his drink. Seriously, I thought it was just some lame drink with a few drops of beer or somethin'!"

Her eyes narrowed. "That is not what I'm referring to and you know it!" She looked around the clearing and said with some fire, glancing about them. "Didn't figure you for the scenery type, Eddie..." She snorted and shook her head. "Or is that little park up top where you and Drew did the deed?"

I am SO dead!

"I, I, ah, dunno what you're talking about, Green!" Sweat was trickling now, and Eddie was trying to figure out if he could run and get his bike running before she could get her jet going.

It suddenly got a lot brighter as her hands lit up. The growl she let loose as she started walking towards him was totally not reassuring. He took steps back, his eyes focused on her green magic. Then her voice drew his eyes to her face, "You kissed Drew, an-..."

"Woah, woah, woah, like, hold up!" Eddie objected, hoping that she didn't fry him for interrupting her, "Like, Drew's the one that kissed me first, no jokin' or nothin', Green Babe, seriously!"

Against everything Eddie expected, she paused. She seemed to think about something for some reason, then let her hands go out. With a sigh, she said, "This isn't what I wanted to happen." Looking up at him, Green Babe continued with some weariness, "C'mon, Eddie. We need to talk."

"An' why should I talk with you?" Eddie asked warily. "What is there to even seriously talk about?"

"Please Eddie. I'm not an idiot," she said with a roll of her eyes. "Neither is Dr D." That made Eddie's heart skip a little. "Doc may have been kinda messed up when he got back, but with a bit of talking this morning he managed to remember everything."

With that, his heart stopped.

His mouth flapped a few times before he finally managed to utter, "...oh."

"Yeah." Eddie was so flabberghasted and lost in his thoughts by that point that he didn't even react when Shego walked over, grabbed him by the collar, and started to drag him to her jet, "Oh!"

ELELELELEL

"What're we doin' here, Green Babe?" a disturbingly subdued Eddie asked when Shego sat down after ordering them some drinks. She'd gone to her preferred server, an old long-term college girlfriend named Candice, instead of the bartender. Shego had called the younger woman in the afternoon and told her the basics, without going too deep into things. The woman had agreed to help her out almost as soon as Shego had gotten the words out, which made the pale woman snicker softly. She was sure Eddie thought she was amused at him, if his rather plaintive pout was any indication.

"I'm here to talk, Mullet Man. Specifically, talk to you," Shego said with a roll of her eyes. It was hard to tell if he was playing dumb or if he was really that confused.

"No, I mean, here?" Eddie protested, gesturing around them, still oddly subdued. Shego then realized that he was acting a lot like the Wegos used to when she busted them at a prank, and had to hide a snort of amusement as Eddie continued, "Lemonbug's?"

"Alright food, and, in case you didn't notice, this place is loud enough that a private conversation stays private." He licked his lips as he nodded in acknowledgment, and Shego didn't bother hiding a snicker at how nervous he looked.

Eddie sagged a bit, then looked up with a serious expression, "And ya just asked for iced tea, right? I mean, I ain't one for dodging liquor, but after the last few days I think that I wanna steer clear of it. Seriously. "

"Oh, I got ya tea, alright..." Shego muttered, knowing the bartender made absolutely perfect Long Island iced teas, which was a key part of her plan. In vino veritas, Eddie... she thought, smirking at him. "So, why no hard stuff?"

"Well," Eddie gulped, then reached up to scratch the back of his neck, "Y'mentioned that ya wanted t'have a serious type talk, so I figured I'd better stay sober." When Shego regarded him skeptically, he held up his hands as if in surrender, "Seriously!"

"Good," Shego said firmly, smiling thanks at Candice as she set down the drinks.

"Can I get you two anything, or will ya need a menu?" the waitress asked, glancing down at Shego and all but ignoring the motorhead. Eddie, apparently thirsty after his ride, downed his Long Island in a few gulps.

"We'll have a couple appetizer samplers, Sweet Cheeks." Shego smirked as Eddie started at her nickname for the waitress, "And another couple... Teas. Each."

"Anything else?" Candice asked, her healthy, but not overbearing, chest bouncing slightly as she shifted from one foot to the other. Eddie, who had been strangely indifferent about the waitress until then, glanced at her a couple times, then shook his head negatively. The thief was vaguely impressed that he kept his tongue at being ignored and only looked her over a couple times, but didn't leer like he normally would.

Not that she could blame him; the waitress was attractive enough to make her look twice the first time she'd come here, and not just because of their former relationship. Hell, Candy's one of the only reasons I come to this damn place! Shego admitted to herself, Well, the cooks are well above average for the chain, too...

"Guess that's it for now." Shego shrugged, adding, "Oh, get an extra side of habanero double hot, too."

"Sure thing, Mean Green." Eddie seemed surprised when Shego just smirked at the young woman, and his jaw dropped slightly when she watched Candice sway away.

"Lovely girl, and quite discreet," Shego explained, knowing that left more questions than answers.

"Um, sure," Eddie muttered, staring at her as if awaiting a death sentence.

"Anyway, Eddie," Shego said, propping her elbows up on the table and clasping her hands together, tapping her chin with steepled index fingers, "I know you two did more than kiss last night..."

"Well, yeah. You did totally say that he remembered everything we… Um..." Eddie gulped, almost jumping out of his skin when the waitress set four glasses down next to them.

"Thanks, Candy." She smiled up at Candice again and nodded subtly in appreciation of her efforts. The teas she had delivered were in normal sized tea glasses, but just as obviously were Long Islands. Ah, the advantage of enhanced hearing and smell… And dealing with a guy with a distinct lack of knowledge of booze beyond scotch and whiskey. Aloud, she prodded Eddie, "'Um', Eddie?"

"Everything?" Eddie asked, nervously glancing about them as if to assure himself no one would hear anything. When Shego nodded, he sighed and reached out, downing half of his Long Island, letting out a long sigh as he thought about what he wanted to say, "Well... I didn't expect it, really."

"I'm sure," Shego drawled lazily, grabbing her drink and settling back into the corner of the booth, keeping one leg straight and bringing the other up to rest her elbow on. She took a sip and cocked her head, "And?"

"Well, if you know everything, you know that it was..." Eddie paused, taking another few gulps of his drink before continuing, "It was totally awesome, seriously..."

"Huh." Shego blinked at that; the awestruck, lovesick tone of Eddie's voice took her aback, but she recovered quickly. "That good, huh?" she asked to stall for time, pursing her lips as the motorhead continued to stare into his drink.

"Yeah," Eddie croaked, swallowing against some fairly strong emotion, if she read him right. He shrugged, "I mean... Not just the... Y'know... Stuff we did. He's... Iunno, Green Babe, the last time I felt like this was back after I graduated from MIST."

"Oh?" Shego asked with mild curiosity, taking another long sip of her Long Island, and wishing she could feel the slightest buzz. She felt like she was going to need it.

"Yeah. 'ad an old girlfriend, called her Red," he murmured, shocking Shego once again as a few tears sprang to his eyes. "She was like, hot... Hotter than Kim Possible, as hot as you, y'know?" Shego shrugged, not really caring, but figuring it'd be important, "An', y'know, I thought she might be 'The One', back then. Then I got that job over back East with GJ, an' I kinna dropped outta contac' wit' Red. 'n' when I got back, she had this nerd boyfrien' that kicked muh ass when I tried t' get all in 'is face for takin' muh girl. Skinny laidback dude 'til I pushed too hard."

He's already tipsy... Shego noted in satisfaction, while trying not to laugh at the thought of a nerd kicking Eddie's butt. Sounds like something the Buffoon would do... Well, after the big, mean 'n' greens, anyway!

"Anywho," Eddie continued, "I havn' felt somethin' like tha' since then, y'know?" He downed the rest of his Long Island, then grabbed the other, taking a healthy gulp. "An' then, las' night at th' strip club, Drew fell over 'n' kissed me! An', an', an'..."

He pouted, his face scrunching up as he fought to keep the tears in his eyes from falling, "An', now, jus' when I realize jus' how much I shoulda noticed 'im before, man... Jus'... Iunno... I'm kinna stuck thinkin' wha'do I do?"

"Well, I could give ya some suggestions..." Shego murmured, smirking at the hopeful gleam in his eyes. She didn't pounce like her instincts screamed at her to do, to tell him to back off of her man. Instead, she dredged up some of the psychology she'd learned with her child development degree, "But how about we continue on with this? I'm sure you got a lot to get off of your chest..."

"Yeah..." Eddie muttered, "Yeah, like, ser'usly, years'a stuff..."

"Well, just let it out to Mama Shego, Eddie." Shego managed not to snort a laugh as Eddie just nodded at her...

ELELELELEL

For the second time that week, Eddie woke up with a seriously massive hangover and aches all over his body. His eyes were a lot crustier than they had been before, though, and for some reason his face felt like it had dried up in weird places. Must've spilled some crap on his face and didn't clean up properly.

Like the last time, he rolled out of the bed in his wonderful dive of a motel and crawled over to the sink. He was pretty sure that he hadn't thought ahead again and thus only had water to try and cut through the major head pains.

Downing what was probably the equivalent of four glasses of water, Eddie looked at his reflection in the nearly completely dark room. It was hard to see, but that was fine with him and his throbbing head. He could still pick out the serious bags under his eyes and the horror of his disheveled mane.

That required some serious and immediate attention!

Even through the pain and darkness, Eddie managed to tame his mullet with a comb even with it stubbornly clinging in weird strands. It was all the motorman really needed most of the time. The fact that it was being obstinate was pretty easy to deal with, all things considered.

Once he was sure it wouldn't stage a rebellion, he stumbled back to the bed through the headache and flopped down on the edge. Now, what in the world had he done the night before…? To his confusion, it remained a blur of nothingness with barely even flashes of memory. At his most drunken, he didn't let himself get so trashed that he didn't remember things which made this instance of total blank seriously stand out.

He thought harder, trying to pick through the little shreds of memory to try and latch on to something that would explain things. There was… Habanero wings… A waitress with an appreciable figure… Something about Red… A flash of green fire…?

His eyes shot open. "Green…"

She had done something. Probably drugged his drinks, or shoveled them down his throat, or something. He had the distinct impression in his mind that she knew about what had happened and had enacted some kind of revenge on him. What she'd done beyond getting him trashed he wasn't sure.

But if she thought that whatever she did would keep him away from Drew, she seriously had another thing coming!

ELELELELEL

To Eddie's annoyance, it had taken him a full day and a half or so to really get things together. Building his dream mean machine had taken a good chunk of it, and waiting to get the parts since, with his work deal to remain outta jail, he totally had to pay for the parts... But a good chunk of it had definitely been inhibited by his totally messed-up state. Probably part of what Green Babe had been hoping to do.

He snorted. This was totally gonna suck, having to fight Green. He was sure he would have to fight her. She was seriously a territorial type of gal. And, if he were her, he would totally fight for Drew. Likely to the seriously harsh end, though Eddie wasn't really sure why his emotions were so… Deep.

Shaking off those seriously weird thoughts, he revved the engine and gunned it even faster through Lowerton. When he got within a few blocks of Drew's Tri-City digs, Eddie slowed his machine down the practical crawl known as the speed limit. If this was gonna succeed, he would seriously need every advantage he could get. Surprise would go a long ways towards that.

He pulled up to the building and, as quietly as he could manage, set his bike to stealth mode. Well, his kind of stealth mode. It translated into forming around him as a kind of armor. It made him think of those old shows Drew made him watch when they were younger with the transforming jets and giant aliens. He'd gotten the idea for his armor from the third of that series, but he'd totally bested what was in the cartoons!

The bike, after his mods, looked like a cross between his hog, a cruiser like a Silverfeather, and a crotch rocket. All of that was to have a place to put the carbon fiber-ceramic composite armor, with feedback circuitry to absorb energy directed at the chest and store it in supercapacitors secreted in the suit. The armor also hid the electromechanical 'muscles' of the suit when it was in bike form, as well as covered the the engine and generator in armor form, and the fuel tank and supercaps in both forms. It was sleek looking no matter which mode it was in, and added at least six inches to his height in armor form. It was badass and intimidating all in one, seriously!

Eddie barely restrained a loud air guitar as he entered the combo for the front door and went in. Mama L had the code and had given it out to family in the event of an emergency. What kind of emergency required most of the family to show up he wasn't sure. It was one of the little things that made him think that maybe she knew more about what Drew was up to than she had let on.

He made his way down the empty hallways. It was a little eerie, but it wasn't all that big of a surprise. It was pretty much villain public knowledge that all of Drew's henchmen ditched him. Even if they hadn't, Eddie was pretty sure that his blue cousin would've fired them anyway to keep his do-gooder image from when the aliens had tried to take over.

To his surprise, considering how late it was, it sounded like Green Babe and Drew were hanging around in the living room area. Maybe they were doing some kind of weird honeymoon date night? They hadn't bothered to plan one of those, instead opting to just have that suite the extra night.

He snuck closer, sticking close to the wall, and tried to make out what was being said.

"As you can see, Drew," Shego's voice wasn't mocking, but sounded almost... Educational? Teacher like, definitely! "I don't like these lips being kissed all that much..." There was a sound like lips smacking together like an air kiss, then a sound not unlike a rear end being lightly slapped, "But these lips? Oh, yeah..."

Oh no she wasn't!

"Er, actually..." Drew sounded... Not nervous, so he must've totally been embarrassed. And pleased with himself, and not in that over-the-top way he tended to be! Then he said some words that drove a spike of pain into Eddie's chest. "I... Kinda like kissing those lips better than your, erm, regular lips... Sweetie..."

"Sweetie?" Green Babe asked in a deceptively mild tone, making Eddie pause. What in the world was Drew getting at? The tone and the nearly saccharine nickname... Seriously, he'd never heard Drew say anything like that, not even to girls he was interested in!

"Well, you see, Shego, um..." Eddie could almost picture Drew blushing, and while the image in his head made him grin like the lovestruck idiot he'd totally let himself become, his cousin's explanation made his blood boil. "Those lips taste real sweet, so... Sweetie?"

There was a pregnant pause. Eddie wondered, hoped, that Green would lose her temper and give Eddie the chance to totally be a knight in shining, or at least composite armor and snag Drew out from under her. His brain hiccuped as he caught up to the words that were going through his mind. Lovestruck? Knight in shining armor? Seriously? That's some kind of chick word-phrase-thing, isn't it?

"If there was any other reason for giving me that nickname, Drew, I'd blast you..." Shego said in a deadpan tone, before snickering with salacious intent, "But since that's the reason, I don't even care if you call me that in public!"

"R-really?" Drew asked in surprise, earning a nearly unhinged laugh from Shego.

"Drew," she managed between her giggles, "You just turned one of the most sickeningly sweet nicknames ever into a dirty oral sex joke! Of course I wouldn't mind!"

Oh, it's on!

Authors' Notes

Divorce? Holy hell! That actually makes sense! Eddie, when in the world did you become a voice of reason? What'll happen next, he settles down with Drakken and lives happily ever after somehow? Good luck with that, Eddie! We'll get to see how badly Shego and Eddie maim each other next time!