Chapter 1
"I say we go up and drag 'im down by his ankles. Then his worthless ass'll bounce off each step." Hoss Cartwright had drained his fifth mug of beer in Miss Ora's gambling parlor that took up the bottom floor of her establishment. He had already enjoyed a woman upstairs, been in a lengthy poker game in which he lost more than a whole month's pay along with everyone else who was playing, to his older brother Adam and he wanted to leave for home. Hoss was feeling mean and cantankerous as well as hopelessly broke. All the other card players had left by then and so Adam Cartwright sat across from Hoss, turning his drink around and around on the tabletop with his fingers, keeping it within an old white circle on the wood, his hat tilted low on his forehead. He was hugely satisfied with his evening's endeavors.
Adam pulled out his pocket watch. "It's almost midnight." He stood up and tucked his watch back into the small pocket. "Let's go do it."
Grinning, Hoss stood up. " 'Bout time. Iffen he ain't finished yet, well, that's too bad but my money says he's just sweet-talkin' 'er. You know what a lady's man Joe thinks he is."
"Oh, yeah," Adam said, "and your bets are always on the money." There were hardly any women left downstairs, just a few garishly clad "soiled doves," one playing solitaire and two others talking quietly. All the rest had already left to sleep or had someone upstairs and the only other man downstairs besides Hoss and Adam Cartwright, was a big man named Burke who served as muscle; he could easily toss out anyone who caused trouble—anyone but Hoss, that is. Hoss had about fifty pounds on the man but then Hoss rarely caused trouble.
Adam and Hoss, after acknowledging Burke and getting his silent approval to go upstairs, took the stairs to the third floor and stood outside the whore's room whom Joe frequented—Millie. At age 27, she was five years older than Joe but he adored her, believed he was in love with her much to his brothers' amusement. Adam and Hoss kept to themselves that they had known Millie and her many charms themselves, for Joe's sake and apparently Millie never revealed it either.
Adam raised his knuckles, about to rap on the door when Hoss asked him to wait. "Lemme hear if we're interruptin' anything." Adam gave a snort of disgust but waited while Hoss pulled off his Stetson and pressed his ear to the door. Then he stepped away from the door and replaced his hat. "Go ahead."
Adam rapped loudly on the door. "Joe, come on—time to go. Kiss her goodbye and get out here or we'll drag you out!"
Hoss chimed in, "I'll put my shoulder to that door, boy—let's go!' Adam and Hoss grinned at each other as they heard a flurry of noise from behind the door and within half a minute, Joe stood before them buttoning up his trousers, his shirt flapping open and his boots still toppled over on the floor. Millie stood holding Joe's hat, a flimsy wrap barely covering her.
"Let's go," Adam said, grabbing Joe by the arm and taking the hat from Millie. "Thank you, ma'am." She smiled at Adam and he winked; his attention still gave her a slight thrill.
"But I…I haven't paid…" Joe looked around helplessly while Adam pulled him out the door. It was always like this, Joe thought—he was always at the mercy of his older brothers.
Adam stopped, reached in his pocket and gave Millie a handful of silver coins, more than enough money, while Hoss grabbed up Joe's boots. "Ma'am," Hoss said, tipping his hat to Millie, and he and Adam pulled Joe down the stairs and out the front door.
"Put on your boots," Adam said, plopping Joe's hat on his tousled curls.
"You know, I wasn't through," Joe said beginning to become outraged and indignant as he pulled on one boot while balancing on one stocking foot, and then pulled on the other. Hoss handed Joe his jacket and he shrugged it on and then finished buttoning his shirt.
The horses were anxious to leave now that their riders were before them. Adam mounted up and Hoss waited until Joe was ready to go.
"You were through, all right," Adam said. "Your body was just ignoring the message. Now let's go. As it is, we won't be home until after 1:00."
The Cartwright brothers headed out of Virginia City and taking an easy pace with their horses, they took to the countryside. They rode in silence for a while and then Joe spoke up.
"I think I might want to marry Millie." Joe waited but neither Adam nor Hoss said anything. "Did you hear me?"
"I heard you," Adam said.
"So did I, but that ain't the head on your shoulders talkin'."
"I'm serious."
"Joe, you're only 22 years old. Millie is very talented—many men, including two you know well—very well…"
Hoss chimed in with, "They're like brothers to you," grinning at the joke.
"…can attest to that," Adam finished. "But she's not wife material—at least not for you." Adam looked up into the night sky. Half a moon shone above.
"Wait a minute," Joe said. "You mean you two…"
"Yeah, I mean me and our other brother here have experienced her talents as well. Do you really want a wife who's basically been a mattress for any cowboy who has the money?"
Joe said nothing—just rode along in sulky silence. "Remember that fortune teller back at that carnival? She said that I would marry a woman whose name started with an 'M' so whenever I meet one, I think about that. Millie's name starts with an 'M'."
"What?" Adam looked at Hoss, "What's he talking about?"
"That fortune teller we saw at that carnival years ago." Hoss explained. "You know, Adam. The one who said you'd drown in dark water and who told me that I'd never marry at all but live with my dear old daddy all his life and then some."
"You kidding me, Joe?" Adam asked. "You want to marry Millie just because years ago some charlatan told you that you'd marry a woman with a name that starts with an 'M'? She can see into the future and only charged five cents?"
"I don't think that's the only reason, Adam," Hoss said grinning. "Millie's got a lot more goin' for her than that, ain't she Joe?"
"I can't believe you've both been with Millie and didn't tell me." Joe's face clouded with anger.
"Well, we didn't know you'd want to marry her or we would've," Adam said. "Besides, if you want to marry a woman whose name starts with an 'M', there's Mary Burgess and Melissa Taylor and…"
"And that Marilyn Worthington. Now that's who you should marry even if she is uglier than homemade soap! Her daddy's got all that money just waitin' to give to a son-in-law—to anyone who'll marry her." Hoss laughed and Adam chuckled as Joe darkened with anger.
"You two are funny. Go to hell, both of you but that woman's prediction for Hoss was right—at least one of them. She said that Hoss would be sick that night. Remember?"
"Oh, please," Adam said. "I told him that myself after he ate his third sack of those greasy, sugared doughnuts. That doesn't make me a fortune teller. But I can see the near future right now. We'll walk into the house and Pa will be smoking his pipe sitting by the fire and he'll say, 'About time you three got home.' "
"Yup," Hoss said. "Even I can tell that future."
"Ever heard about the Oracle at Delphi?" Adam asked?
No," Joe said. "What's that?"
"Probably another carnival fortune teller," Hoss said.
"In a way. It was a priestess who was supposedly inspired to see the future. People would ask questions of Apollo's priests at Delphi and they would ask the Oracle and she would babble some nonsense and the priests would translate her answer for the inquirer. Well, Alexander the Great went to the Oracle wanting to hear that he would conquer the world. He was turned away and told to come back later. Now you don't tell this to a man who intends to master all of the known world so Alexander burst into the temple and dragged the priestess out by her hair until she cried out screaming to be let go and then said that Alexander was unbeatable. So Alexander let her go and said that was all he wanted to hear-now he had his answer."
"So," Joe said, "Alexander the Great did conquer the world, didn't he? So what's the point of the story, Adam?"
"The point is that Alexander was determined to conquer the world no matter what the Oracle had said; she finally decided to tell him exactly what he wanted to hear and tell me this—if she was so good at telling the future, why didn't she know what Alexander was go to do to her, go ahead and tell him he would be a great conqueror and save herself the trouble of being dragged out by her hair? We're in charge of our own fate—no one else is so if you marry Millie, it'll be because you want a whore in your bed every night, not because her name starts with an 'M'. Now let's hurry up. We have an early day tomorrow."
Adam kicked his horse to go faster and Hoss and Joe followed suit. Adam hadn't thought of that day at the carnival in a long time and it made him oddly uncomfortable—even after all that time.