A/N: This chapter is about the year after Bucky woke up from the cryofreeze the second time. Told in 3 month increments from both POVs.

**Also if any of you were reading my other Bucky/OFC story Blended, it got deleted. So you'll have to come over to AO3 to read it. Sorry :(

Three months later

I woke up in the Wakanda Medical Center without a familiar face at my side. It was like waking up from a bad dream to a unfamiliar nightmare. Everything was confusing and hazy and I wasn't sure of anything, not even who I was, for the first 24 hours. Bits and pieces came back, from my life before, back in the 1940's and most of all Steve. He showed up three days after I woke up, familiar and smiling, the only thing that I was sure of. He brought journals, mine apparently, ones that I had been writing in since I got my memory back the last time, in a box with my name 'Bucky' scribbled across the side in his hurried writing.

"It's good to have you back, Bucky," he said touching my shoulder. "Again."

T'Challa and Shuri put me back in my old cabin, the one I was told that I had been in before. It had felt like home immediately, though I had no recollection of living there. They gave me more goats, things to care for so I didn't get idle, so I didn't go crazy while being alone.

I took care of my goats by day and laid in bed reading my journals by night, trying to force a memory, pausing after each page that I read, closing my eyes and envisioning it and willing my brain to call up the memory. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didnt, which only frustrated me to the point that I gave up and went to bed.

"How was therapy today?" Steve asked tentatively, eyeing me over his burger.

I shrugged. "It was good. Same as always."

Steve nodded. "Still having nightmares?"

"Yes, but it's only been three months and Dr. Lewis said that its normal when suffering from PTSD, even mild cases," I answered between bites of salad.

"Are they getting less frequent at least?"

"Yeah...down to about one to two times a week...I wake up and do my breathing exercises and stuff then I go back to sleep," I sighed. "I feel like its working."

"Good," Steve said sipping his water. "That's good."

This had become a weekly thing for Steve and I over the course of the past three months. I would have my therapy appointment at the compound and then meet Steve in the cafeteria for lunch. It had started out innocently, with Steve catching me in the halls as I had left my first appointment, eyes puffy and teary, that encounter ending with him offering to buy me lunch. He had caught me again at my appointment the following week, that time I had cried less, and offered to buy me lunch again. And then it happened again the following week and the week after until I had grown used to finding him there, standing outside Dr. Lewis' office, waiting for me. And between the weekly lunches and the texts that we shared I felt like Captain America and I were becoming fast close friends.

I took a deep breath and asked the question that I always asked. "How is James?"

Steve's face always softened when I asked, his blue eyes holding sympathy and a weak smile on his lips. "He's doing well. We spoke on the phone yesterday… he uh...still doesn't remember much." And there's that weekly disappointment.

"Oh, I am glad he is doing well."

The last three months had passed by quickly, a little too quickly for me. They had been hard, harder than I expected; my experience as a captive under Dimitri having a lasting effect that erupted in the form of vicious nightmares of him assaulting me nearly every night before I had started therapy. It was the nightmares and Iris' insistence that had sent me to therapy two weeks after I had been rescued. I had felt the need to go to the Avengers compound first, to meet with Steve and Tony and make sure that it would even be okay for me to talk about what had happened, considering that my kidnapper had been part of a secret organization. It was then that Tony had recommended and introduced me to Dr. Lewis, the on staff therapist at the compound. He had even graciously offered the service free of charge, which I had refused and then accepted after Steve's urging.

I had managed to keep my job, thanks to the story that Tony Stark had told about my kidnapping , and after taking a short week long absence from work to recover, I returned to work. It was a pleasant distraction that I needed and put myself into tirelessly, even picking up extra shifts, to keep myself busy. Working was the only thing that helped to keep my mind off of Bucky, and worrying about how how he was doing, and wondering what could have been between us. I told myself that I should just move on, that I would be better off forgetting about the metal armed man who had come barreling into my life, leaving destruction in his wake, but I couldn't forget him. The same way that I couldn't forget Dimitri or escape the dread I felt at the thought of him being out there somewhere.

"Big plans for the weekend?" Steve asked after a lull in conversation.

I shook my head. "No, I actually have the weekend off for once, but Iris is going away with her boyfriend so I'll have the apartment all to myself. They leave tonight."

I tried to smile and put on a brave face and look mildly excited about the idea, but in actuality I was terrified. I hadnt had the apartment to myself since I was rescued, Iris going out of her way to make sure that she was always home when I was, knowing that I was still worried and scared about Dimitri being out there. But she had made things with Brandon 'official' again and had planned the weekend getaway to celebrate, and I didnt want to ruin that for her by letting her know I was absolutely terrified of spending the night alone in our apartment.

Steve noticed my charade. "I don't have any plans this weekend, I could...I could stay with you..so you aren't scared."

"Oh. Steve. No. You don't have to-."

"I said I was going to protect you and I meant it. If you are alone in your apartment that makes you unsafe and I can't have that. Bucky wouldn't want that," Steve cut in determinedly.

"Well, what about Sharon? Is she going to be okay with you staying at a girls apartment, alone, with her for a weekend?"

Steve smirked. "Sharon is not the jealous type. And all I am doing is keeping a promise to and hanging out with a friend. It will be fine."

Steve spent the weekend at my apartment, keeping me company while simultaneously complaining about the amount of junk food I ate and my lack of exercise. And at night when I awoke screaming he came running into my room, wrapping strong arms around me and whispering promises of safety and security, talking me through my panic attack and anxiety. He slept in my room after that, on the floor beside my bed instead of on the couch, prepared to help me through my next attack. And I suddenly saw why Bucky adored the man so much.

6 months later

"I don't think I'm ready."

Steve sighed, his brow furrowing. "Bucky, you're more than ready. Shuri said-."

"Yeah, yeah, I know what Shuri thinks, but I'm saying I'm not ready. And what do I have to come back to New York for anyway?"

Steve looked hurt, the pain crossing the blue of his eyes before he shook his head. "Well me for one. And you had-have- a life here Bucky. You were starting something. You can pick up where you left off."

I shook my head. I wasn't ready. I knew it. And Steve should have known too. I still didn't have my memory back completely, everything was fragmented and scattered, nothing complete and concrete of anything before I went on the ice the first time. I wasn't ready to leave the solace of my cabin and my goats.

"I'm still fuzzy on everything," I sighed. "I just...I'm not ready, Steve."

Steve was looking down, shaking his head before he took in a deep breath. "Fine. I don't mean to push you. I'll talk with you again soon."

He hung up before I could say goodbye. I closed the laptop computer carefully. Shuri had spent a very frustrating week teaching me how to use it so I could video chat with Steve and use the internet to get caught up on the modern world. It was my third laptop. I had smashed the previous two out of frustration. I sometimes forgot my own strength. I rose from my cot and set the laptop aside hearing the hungry calls from my goats outside, it was dinner time.

After feeding and tending to my goats I went to lay down in my cot, falling asleep rather quicker than usual, dreaming of nameless faces. Ones that I probably should have recognized, but were phantoms of my past who I couldn't remember. One stood out from the rest, one that I continued to think about even after I had woken up, wondering who she was and why I could almost remember the smell of her curls, feel the ghost of her against me. It was a girl, with dark wild curls, honey brown skin and a pretty smile.

"Are you and Captain Sexy like...a thing?"

I frowned at Iris, pausing in my application of lipstick. "No. Why on earth would you ask that?"

Iris leaned against the wall of my bathroom. "Well you have been spending a lot of time together."

"He's protecting me from the crazy Russian who kidnapped me," I huffed.

"That crazy Russian is going to be at the movies tonight?"

I rolled my eyes. "Aside from him protecting me, we're friends. We've grown close, yes, but it's just a friends thing. And friends see movies together."

"When's the last time we saw a movie?"

"When's the last time you had time for me since you got back with your new/old boyfriend?" I countered with a raised eyebrow.

She hesitated, looking momentarily defeated. "Okay touché. But you're all dressed up."

I looked down at the leather jacket that adorned my body which I had put on over a tank top with jeans and ankle boots. I considered it casual. "I'm wearing jeans!"

"Yeah with your boobs hanging all out."

"THEY ARE NOT."

"And you're wearing make up."

Her tone sounded playful but there was a scrutiny behind it, a real accusation. "Can I not look nice?"

"Yeah, sure but I'm just wondering for who?"

"Umm maybe for me..." I replied, not bothering to hide the irritation from my voice. "I haven't felt like myself for months. Not since...not since everything that happened to me. And thanks to therapy and Steve, I am finally starting to feel like the old Jade. So yeah I am trying to look nice for myself."

Iris didn't look convinced. "Mmm hmm sure… you want a piece of that hot captain meat. And I know which piece."

"I don't. I really don't. And besides he has a girlfriend, remember?"

"So?"

"So he's in a committed relationship and I would never do anything with him because of-," I broke off as my thoughts went back to that handsome metal armed super soldier. The one that I hadn't seen in 6 long months. The one that I still thought and dreamt about. The one that I missed. I looked down. "Well because of...you know…"

Iris' face softened and she stepped toward me. "I'm sorry. I know bringing James up is hard for you. I was just teasing I didn't mean-."

"It's fine. It's not that-...its fine. ," I shrugged my shoulders and finished putting on my lipstick and checked my reflection.

Silence lingered over us, loud and tense, Iris cleared her throat and I knew she was about to say something I wasn't going to like. "Actually I am kind of glad that he got brought up because I've been wanting to talk to you about the whole James situation," she started with an unusually hesitant tone. Iris was never afraid to say what was on her mind regardless of where she was or who it was to. I looked at her warily. "Maybe it's time to...move on from James."

"What?"

"I know you're waiting for him to come back, but there is no guarantee that he ever will. Didn't Steve tell you that he tried to get him to come back and he said no?"

"Yes, because he isn't ready, which after everything that he's been through is understandable."

"I understand that, but you're sitting here waiting on a man with a very troubled past who may never remember you when you should be living your life."

"Iris, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm not really waiting for him I'm just… Just…" I sighed in frustration. "You don't know what you're talking about and I really dont want to discuss this right now."

The sound of the doorbell cut her off response and I was thankful for an interruption to this unwanted conversation. I brushed past her quickly and went for the door, opening it to find Steve on the other side. He was already smiling, his blue eyes roaming over me, before his eyebrows went up a bit.

"Wow, Jade, you look great. I'm so used to seeing you in scrubs," he chuckled.

"Oh shucks, Steve you're gonna make me blush," I joked. "Let's go."

I stepped out of the apartment just as Iris came into the foyer. I shut the door behind me before she could say a word.

I was quiet during the movie and at dinner. I was sitting across from him in a hole in the wall pizza joint near my apartment that served the best pizza I had ever eaten, and was not enjoying it at all. I couldn't stop thinking about what Iris had said, my mind going over her words repeatedly. You're sitting here waiting on a man who doesn't even remember you.

"Jade?"

I looked up, catching Steve's baby blues and the worried smile on his face. "Yeah?"

"Are you okay? You've been real quiet. You haven't even touched your pizza," he said pointing to the now cold pizza on my plate.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just…" I sighed shaking my head. "Never mind. I'm fine."

"Hey," he said putting his pizza down and pushing the plate aside. "Talk to me. What's going on?"

"Iris thinks that I am being stupid to wait for James," I blurted quickly. "Especially since he doesn't remember me nor does he want to come back to New York."

Steve's face fell. "Oh…"

"Do...Do you think I am being stupid?"

He shook his head quickly. "No, Jade, I would never think that you are stupid under any circumstances. I know that you only knew each other a short while, but you and Bucky had something. It was definitely there."

"But...what if he never remembers? What if he never wants to come back? And I miss out on my life because I'm hoping for something that may never happen. And there was no guarantee that it was going to go somewhere between us anyway."

"No one would blame you for moving on Jade. Least of all Bucky," Steve replied.

I exhaled long and slow. "It's just...after everything that he and I went through together I thought we'd at least have a chance. And it had been so… intense between us. It felt like something that could have lasted given the opportunity."

"I know," Steve sighed. "But like I said no one would blame you. Bucky would want you to live your life and be happy. And who's to say that one day, he wont remember and come back and it will be like he never left."

But he did…

9 months later

"Your arm is looking good. Brain scans are good. All is good, Sergeant Barnes. How are you feeling?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

"Sleeping?"

"I get some hours."

"Any nightmares?"

"A few."

"Mmm hmm...I received a call from Captain Rogers today," Shuri said, very nonchalantly as she turned her back on me and fiddled with the device in her hand. "He is wondering how you are doing...if you would like to return to New York any time soon?"

I couldn't stop the irritated growl that came from my throat making Shuri look at me over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. Steve was being the persistent guy he'd always been, unable to take no for an answer. It seemed every time we talked all he did was talk about New York and me coming back. "He just doesn't listen. Always thinks he knows best. Well you tell him that I will come back to New York when I am damn good and ready and he can stop pestering me and you about it."

Shuri gave me a look, one that made me uncomfortable, and I realized I was cursing and ranting at teenage princess. "Sorry Shuri, excuse my language," I added quickly.

"It's okay, Sergeant Barnes, I will pass along the message. Go home to your goats. I will see you next week."

I slid off the exam table after mumbling a goodbye and headed out of the lab. One of the Dora Milaje escorted me back to my cabin, to my goats, and to my solitude. I went about my nightly routine of feeding my goats and making sure they all were in their pen before feeding myself and going to bed.

"You are a bed hog, Steve Rogers."

He laughed, loudly. "It's not my fault that your bed is so small."

I huffed. "My bed is perfectly sized, you're just huge. Now scoot over will ya'."

Steve was still laughing as he scooted over as much as he could, leaning his back against the headboard, shifting the bowl of popcorn to his lap. I joined him on the bed, careful to keep some distance between us, and placed a pillow between my back and the headboard before leaning back and starting the movie.

After learning that I had the following day off Steve had suggested a movie night which I was always down for. But given that Iris' boyfriend Brandon had recently moved in and the two of them had no qualms about very sexual PDA in our shared living room and were currently having a movie night themselves, I opted to have us watch the movie in my bedroom. I had quickly bought a new tv for my bedroom after Brandon had moved in and I had walked in on them in the living room two times and realized my living room was no longer safe. I was considering getting my own place and giving the love birds a roommate free love den.

"So where's Sharon? She didn't want to join us for movie night?" I had made sure to include her in the invitation, I always did whenever Steve and I made plans, but she never joined us.

Steve tensed beside me. "Uh...Sharon and I broke up."

I gaped at him. "What? When? Why? You guys were so cute together."

"Two weeks ago. And because we just...didn't have time for each other. We thought it was best to be friends."

Didn't have time for each other? I felt bad suddenly thinking about all the time that Steve and I spent together, aside from our weekly lunch after therapy I saw Steve at least once more during the week just to hang and we texted frequently. Did Captain America get dumped because of me?

"Oh Steve, why didn't you say anything?"

He shrugged. "It's not a big deal. These things happen."

"Well we'll have to do the breakup ritual."

"The what?"

"You know box up all her stuff. Burn the pictures of you two together. Burn some sage to cleanse your house. Then sit in bed and listen to angry break up songs and eat ice cream. You know the break up ritual."

Steve huffed a laugh. "I have never heard of this break up ritual. You've done this before?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Iris and I have done it after every break up."

"And how long is this ritual?"

"Depends. It lasted for 2 weeks after I broke up with Patrick."

"2 weeks? Wow."

"We were together 5 years so that was a unusual circumstance. The ritual is usually much shorter. 24 hours tops. You shouldn't wallow too long."

Steve nodded. "Why did you guys break up? If you don't mind me asking."

I hesitated, thinking back to that time when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Patrick. Only this time I didn't feel the sting I usually felt when I thought back to that time.

"Well… he cheated on me," I said looking at Steve. "I guess after 5 years he got bored of me." I finished with a shrug and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl in Steve's lap.

"I find it hard to believe that anyone could ever get bored of you, Jade," Steve said softly. "That guy is just an idiot."

I blushed crimson and couldn't resist looking over at the man sitting beside me. He was smiling sheepishly, but his blue eyes were bright as ever. I looked away. I had too before those eyes drew me in.

"That's nice of you to say, Steve," I admitted. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

12 months later

"We'll be at the compound in ten minutes. How ya' feeling?"

I looked up when Steve took the seat beside me, shrugging my shoulders. Truthfully I was a little nervous about my return to New York and the busy city life of the modern world. After a year I had grown accustomed to the peace and quiet of my life in Wakanda. After everything that I had been through, from what I could remember, I deserved some peace and quiet. But Steve had never given up on trying to get me back to New York, back to the life that he said I had started there, though I remembered none of it.

"I'm feeling okay."

"Good. This will be good for you, Buck. We'll get you trained again, we'll get you back out on missions. You'll be completely back to yourself in no time."

I gave Steve a tight lipped smile and nodded. "Yeah...looking forward to it."

A week passed of me being in New York quicker than I expected. I had been welcomed back with open arms, even by Tony who usually regarded me with some disdain. My old room was familiar and comforting almost, I remembered it the more that I stayed in the room. I fell into my old schedule according to Steve pretty easily, training to get back out into the field and seeing Dr. Lewis to help with my memory and dealing with everything that had happened.

I was on my way to meet Dr. Lewis for our weekly scheduled meeting, walking quickly down the busy hallway to his office. I reached the door just as a woman stepped out and bumped right into me. The phone she had been staring at, which had preoccupied her too much with watching where she was going, dropped out of her hands and she bent down to retrieve it with a frustrated groan, not bothering to look up at me until she started to rise back to her feet.

"I'm sorry I-," her words fell off the moment her eyes met mine and I froze. She continued to straighten her body slowly, her face a mask of shock.

"James," she breathed, her eyes travelled from head to toe and back again. "I...I…"

She knows me. Hearing her say my name made my heart flutter and it made me tense. Her face was startlingly familiar, I knew, I knew her...from somewhere… and then it hit me. The dream. She was the girl, the one with the wild curls. The one with the pretty smile. It was her. But I still had no idea how or why I knew her or who she was to me. For all I knew she could be just an acquaintance, someone I had seen roaming these halls when I lived here before, only knowing her from seeing her around, and everything else I thought I knew about her from my dreams were just a fantasy of my own creation?

"W-When did you get back?" She stuttered, clutching the strap of the messenger bag across her body tighter.

I hesitated unsure if I should answer or how I should answer. What did she know about me? How did she know me?

She watched me expectantly, one eyebrow raised as she waited for my answer, hope bright in her eyes. When a few awkwardly silent seconds passed her face fell into realization, her head tilting, her breath catching in her throat.

"You... have no idea who I am, do you?" She said softly.

"I...I...don't," I admitted. "I'm sorry."

I saw the hurt in her eyes first then it briefly crossed her face before she managed to wipe it away. She ran the back of her hand across both her eyes and took a deep breath and gave me a tight lipped smile. "I should go."

She brushed past me quickly, leaving me to turn and watch her walk down the hall just as Steve rounded the corner at the end. She stopped when she saw him, looking back at me and then turning back to Steve who looked like a kid who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. She was saying something to him, something that I couldn't catch over the other noises around us. Steve replied to her, shaking his head, reaching out and touching her arm. For some reason the sight of that made my blood boil, my fist clenched, and a lump formed in my throat. She yanked her arm away and spoke again, glancing back to look at me once more before she walked off leaving Steve behind.

I took a step toward Steve, intending to go over to him and ask him just who that girl was, who she was to me and what was going on; but Dr. Lewis' office door opened and he peeked out.

"Ah, Sergeant Barnes, there you are, please come in," he said motioning for me to enter.

"What the hell, Steve? Why didn't you tell me that he was back? When did he get back?"

"I didn't think you wanted to know."

"What?" I huffed angrily. "Why wouldn't I want to know? What on earth could make you think that?"

"He still doesn't remember you. I thought you wouldn't want know because he didn't-."

"Either way, a heads up would have been nice before I freaking bumped into him coming out of stupid therapy, Steve. Of course I would want to know he was back! Whether he remembered me or not."

"I'm sorry Jade, I just thought that since you didn't want me to tell him about you, you wouldn't want to know."

"I didn't want you to tell him about me because I didn't want things to be forced on him. He's dealing with enough as is. I didn't want him to feel obligated to...to...to like me or see me. I wanted him to remember me organically. To like me just because he did before, not because you told him I exist and he did at one point."

He reached for my arm and took hold of it, rubbing his thumb across my skin. "Jade, I wasn't trying to hurt or upset you-."

I pulled my hand from his grasp. "Well you kinda did. I have to go. Bye Steve."

I had looked back down the hallway at that moment catching sight of James, who had been watching my interaction with Steve with clenched fists. It had felt like I had been punched in my gut when I had walked out of Dr. Lewis' office, bumping right into the man and dropping my phone. For a second I had thought that I was day dreaming, that it was all in my head. But he was very real and he didn't know me at all.

The lack of recognition in his eyes had hurt all the more. I was suddenly back in that cell and he was standing at the foot of the bed and Dimitri's hand was in my hair. I shook my head and gripped my messenger bag tighter, walking down the street faster. I felt the creeping feeling of that two ton boulder crawling over my chest and the more I tried to breathe, the harder it got.

You're fine, Jade. You're fine. Breathe. You're fine.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out quickly, welcoming a distraction from the oncoming panic attack. I saw Iris' smiling face on my caller ID and answered.

"Iris."

"Hey couple questions, one being: how was therapy? And the second being: can I borrow your leather jacket you never wear anyway and should just let me have because I rock the hell out of it?"

I ignored all her questions and said the words I had lost hope on saying months ago. "James is back."