A/N: So... I lied.

Sorry.

This isn't the last chapter because well it just didn't work out that way for these two.

Also this is kinda fluffy. Couldn't help myself.

I didn't remember what had happened while I was hypnotized, in fact the only thing I did remember was lying back on the soft brown leather couch and thinking, I really hope this works for Christ sake. And the next thing I knew Dr. Lewis was snapping his fingers repeatedly next to my ear, yelling my name, and someone was screaming. My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving when my eyes snapped open, my metal hand gripping the wood backing of the couch so hard that it had snapped. It was then I realized that I was the one screaming.

"Sergeant Barnes," Dr. Lewis sighed in relief when the scream died in my throat and I looked at him. "Welcome back."

I blinked, slowly and dazedly, sweat pouring down my forehead in tiny rivers. My hands shook as I released the couch and sat up, looking bewildered and confused.

What the hell happened?

And then like a flood it all came rushing back, crashing over me with enough force to knock the wind out of me. In an instant I was reliving everything, seeing the look of anguish on Steve's face as I fell from the train, the torture by Hydra, the training, the missions, the memory wiping, all of it. Playing right in front of my eyes like a movie fast forwarding on the fastest speed. I had unlocked a door, a door to a tiny closet that had been stuffed to the brim with everything about my time as the Winter Soldier that I didn't want to remember or relive. And I had foolishly pulled that door open, demanded it even, and it was all crashing down on me.

But with it came the memories of Jade, the missions and the anguish turning to the memory of standing nervously in her apartment, asking her to have dinner with me, and then our time in the motel room, her desperate kiss, her hand in my hair, her body beneath mine. And then we were back to the anguish, seeing the look of fear and sadness on her face as they lowered me into the chair, as they made her watch them turn me back into that cold blooded killer. And then I was standing there while Dimitri taunted her, assaulted her, and I did nothing. Nothing.

"Sergeant Barnes!"

I startled, my eyes snapping open again to see Dr. Lewis kneeling in front of me. "I...I…" I was struggling to speak and to breathe. My throat and chest felt tight.

"Sergeant Barnes, you're having a panic attack. I want you to look into my eyes and take ten deep breaths, okay? In and out," he said demonstrating it for me.

I did as he asked, the first few breaths doing nothing to help the distress I was feeling, but around the sixth breath I felt some tension leave my shoulders, my heart began to slow down. My hands were still shaking, that hadn't stopped.

"Good, very good, Sergeant Barnes," he said when he noticed me calming down. "Tell me what you're feeling right now."

"I...I…" my mouth wasn't working. I couldn't form words. My head dropped, my hair falling around my face. I was feeling a multitude of emotions, the prominent ones being guilt, shame, regret. So much had, had happened. I had done many things, terrible things.

Dr. Lewis sensed my inability to speak. He looked sincere and understanding. "I know things came back. I'm not sure how much, but I know there are things that have come back that, as I warned, are traumatizing. But instead of focusing on that, I'd like to ask if your memories of Jade returned?"

My head snapped up at that.

"I'm going to assume thats a yes. So lets talk that through," Dr. Lewis continued at my silence. "What do you remember?"

"E-Everything," I blurted. "I...I stood by while he...and she…"

"Instead of focusing on the bad that occured to you two, how about we focus on the good? Do you remember those parts?"

My mind immediately envisioned her smiling at me, a sparkle in her brown eyes, a red tinge to the tops of her cheeks. "Yeah...I...I remember."

"Good. That's good. Hold onto that good memory for me. I want you to close your eyes and really focus on it," he instructed.

I let my eyes fall closed, grasping onto the memory of her smiling face, and focused on it. It drew me in and I was back in that motel room in seconds, watching her lay across the bad, laughing at daytime television, her eyes periodically darting over to me, only for her to blush and look away with a small smile on her lips. The more I thought of her, the more I felt my body relax, my muscles loosening, my shoulders sagging, tension slipping away.

"Any time you experience a negative memory or an emotion from a negative memory, Sergeant Barnes, I want you to focus on the good memories that you have with Jade. Remember the reason that you did this and focus entirely on those good memories. We will work through the rest. Okay?"

I nodded once. "Okay, Doc."

"I'm afraid that I have another appointment, but if you truly need more time in here I can cancel?"

I shook my head. "No. No. I just...I'm good."

Dr. Lewis didn't look like he believed me, but nodded. "I think we need to up our appointments to three times a week," Dr. Lewis said straightening to his feet. "And I am going to prescribe something to help keep you relaxed throughout the day and something to help you sleep through the night. I expect your nightmares to get much worse now and I want you prepared for that."

I had expected consequences. I hadn't gone into this blindly. I nodded again. "Thanks Doc."

"Let's have a session tomorrow afternoon okay?" He said opening his appointment book on his desk. "1:00 p.m. work for you?"

"Y-Yeah," I ran a hand through my hair, it was slightly damp from sweat.

Dr. Lewis' face became serious. "Due to this change in mental state, I think we'll hold off on approving you for field duty for a few weeks."

I wanted to protest, but Dr. Lewis had never steered me wrong. Steve had been trying to get me approved for missions since I returned, but given that my memories were back and panic attack inducing I doubt being out in the field would help any of that.

"Okay, Doc. Whatever you say."

"Great. Great. Please don't forget to pick up your prescription," he said handing me a slip of paper.

I rose to my feet slowly, taking the paper with shaky hands. I took a deep breath to steady myself, shoving the prescription in my pocket.

"Thank you."

I forced my mind to remain blank, feeling numb and distant from my own self while I stepped out of Dr. Lewis' office. I could feel all the memories right at the back of my mind, ready to overtake me again if I let my guard down for even a second, if I thought about just one. I did as Dr. Lewis had said, I envisioned Jade's smiling face instead, forced myself to hold onto the memory of the sound of her laugh.

"Manchurian Candidate, there you are, just finished another session with the head shrink huh?"

I turned at the sound of Tony Stark's voice, feeling a scowl set onto my face when I saw him strolling down the hallway. I hated that damn nickname. "Stark," I growled in greeting.

"Whoa someone's in a mood," Tony commented. "I just had a meeting with your girl, if you hurry you can catch her near the conference room. Maybe that will change your tude grumpy gills."

My girl? "Jade?" I said quickly. "You had a meeting with Jade?"

He nodded absently, brushing past me. "Yes, Jade. You remember her right? Hurry and you'll catch her."

I rolled my eyes at his snide comment and took off in a jog down the hall, turning the corner for the conference rooms and catching sight of her walking with Steve. My heart was already fluttering when I saw the back of her head. I called to her loudly, seeing the way she jumped slightly and turned, her eyes widening at the sight of me. A smile was on my lips when I started to walk to her and then my lips were on hers without a second thought. She melted into me and I reveled in the feel of her, the familiarity of her taste, the way her body responded to mine. Everything slipped away while we kissed and for the moment it was just me and her and the passion and the heat.

I didn't want to tell her what I had done. It would tarnish our reunion, which I didn't want. To me it was all worth it. I remembered her and that was all that mattered.

Steve wouldn't let up about how I got my memories back so quickly which was to be expected. He followed me to the elevators which led up to the Avengers living quarters. I didn't answer him until I was sure we were away from Jade.

"I had Dr. Lewis hypnotize me," I answered as the elevator doors closed.

Steve gaped at me. "You what?"

"I wanted to remember her. I had too. After everything I put her through," I ran a hand through my hair pushing it away from my face.

Steve said nothing for several seconds, just stared at me until the elevator doors opened and I stepped off leaving him to follow. "And it worked. You remember her?"

I nodded. "Yeah… I remember other things too."

"Other things?" Steve probed as I pushed open the door to my bedroom.

He shut it behind him as I sat down on my bed. "Yeah... It all came back," I admitted. "Everything he did." I didn't need to elaborate on who he was. I had always considered the Winter Soldier a separate entity. Not who I was. But someone I was turned into. I had been thankful at one point that I didn't remember what he did, only bits and pieces that came through in my nightmares. But now that all changed.

Steve sighed. "Oh Buck…"

"I knowingly did it. I did it for her."

"Don't get me wrong, Buck. I think Jade is amazing. She and I have gotten close over the year that you have been gone, and she's great, truly great, but to do this… to subject yourself to this all at once and so suddenly…"

I held up a hand to stop him. "What I feel for her… it made it worth it. Just the chance makes it worth it."

Steve sighed, resigning himself. I knew he wanted to argue my decision some more, but there was no point. I had done it already. "What's Dr. Lewis' treatment plan?"

I pulled the prescription from my pocket, handing it to him. "Therapy three times a week, and a prescription to keep me relaxed during the day and to help me sleep at night. I'll just have to work through this, same as everything else."

Steve took the paper from my hands. "I'll get this filled for you," he put it into his pocket. "But Bucky listen… if this gets to be too much… if handling it becomes too much… you let me know. You let me help you. You don't have to carry this all alone. Remember I'm with you till the end of the line."

Hearing those words again called forth all the other times he had said it to me and I had said it to him. I rose to my feet and embraced him. I'd always been thankful for Steve, that was one thing that had never changed.

"I know, Punk. I know."

Iris had been right, my clothes were very unsexy. 90% of what sat in my closet were scrubs and I could not wear scrubs to the most important and long awaited date of my life. Which is why I was at the mall with Iris, the self proclaimed fashion expert, trying to find the perfect outfit. I wasn't having much left and I had less than 3 hours till Bucky would be picking me up.

"Where is he taking you?"

I shrugged, skimming through the clothes on the rack before me. "I don't know he didn't say."

"Well we have to know where he's going to take you so you can dress appropriately," she rolled her eyes.

"I didn't ask Iris. Maybe he wants it to be a surprise. Maybe he's winging it."

She threw her hands into the air with a big huff. "Well that's helpful."

"Maybe I'll just do jeans and a nice top-."

"Umm no. You'll do sexy and black and short," she scoffed moving around me to another rack. "You can't go wrong with that."

"No. No. No. I don't do short. Sexy and black okay, but no short."

Arguing with Iris was pointless. The girl was stubborn and hardheaded as both our mothers said and that's how I found myself wearing a spaghetti strapped short black dress two hours later. It hugged me tightly like a second skin, accentuating my curves, and I had to admit it did make me feel sexy. But I still didn't like it.

"Iris, the dress is too much," I said as she applied make up that she insisted upon, to my face. I had warned her I wanted the bare minimum. Something else she frowned out.

"Girl, stop, you look hot. I mean even I want to do you and I'm fully into men only," she winked.

"What if we're just going to a movie or something simple and casual?"

"You'll be the hottest woman in there and I doubt he'll be able to focus on the movie," she reasoned with a shrug.

She pulled my curls from the clip they were in and arranged them around my head as she saw fit, treating me like her own personal doll until she stepped back and looked me over.

"I mean wow," she sighed throwing her hands up again. "I am a genius."

I chuckled. "So I take it I look good?"

"Umm, better than good. If his jaw doesn't hit the floor then shut the door in his face because you're a work of art and he doesn't deserve to appreciate it."

I blushed crimson. "Aww shucks."

The doorbell rang sending my heart racing and I had to take a deep calming breath. I was excited, but nervous. I had been waiting for this date for so long the fact that it was actually happening left me feeling anxious and on edge. I turned to go answer the door when Iris stopped me.

"Wait. Wait. Finishing touch," she said holding up my black leather jacket. She slipped it onto my shoulders and smiled proudly. "See now you're a little casual. So you're perfect. Now go get 'em tiger."

I went for the door as quickly as I could in the heels that Iris had forced me into, pausing before I opened the door to take another deep breath and steady myself. I unlocked the door and pulled it open seeing Bucky standing on the other side. He was in his trademark leather jacket, the one that hugged his broad shoulders just right wearing a dark blue button down beneath it and dark wash jeans with black boots on his feet.

He was looking down at said boots when I pulled the door open, his head snapping up as I did and his eyes widening at the sight of me. If his jaw could literally hit the floor it would have, because it went slack almost immediately. His eyes travelled the length of my body and back up to my face slowly, I could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. His eyes darkened when they locked onto my mine and all the sexual tension that was normally there between us intensified. It was almost too intense to ignore.

He shook his head once. "Wow, Sugar, you look…" he trailed off as his eyes surveyed me once more. He let out a slow breath, I saw his body tense. "You look amazing," he finally finished.

A smile was on my lips and I was blushing again. I had set out to wow him. Mission accomplished. "Thank you, James. You clean up pretty nice yourself."

"I don't know, Sugar, I feel a little underdressed," his eyes were traveling again. "I suddenly have a strong desire to stay in and keep you all to myself," he said darkly, his eyebrows raising with the suggestion.

"James…" I breathed feeling my skin heat up. I was not entirely opposed to the idea.

"Sorry, I know you've been waiting for this for a long time," He smirked and offered me his hand. "Shall we?"

I had never considered a piece of clothing dangerous, but the dress that was currently clinging to Jade's body like it had been poured onto her just might actually cause my death. I had always been a leg man, considering there wasn't much more showed back in my time, so the fact that her long smooth legs were on display right up to above her mid thighs had my blood boiling and my hands tingling. I knew I was being pretty blatant in my viewing of her, but I couldn't help taking her in. She was stunning and the dress and heels were just doing it for me.

I had picked an Italian restaurant near her house to take her too after a recommendation from Steve, remembering during one of talks at the motel that she had mentioned her love of pasta, and after a short walk there we found ourselves sitting opposite each other in a U shaped booth. The restaurant was dimly lit with candles on the table and soft music playing, creating a romantic atmosphere even though there was a tension between Jade and I, and not just a sexual one. I knew she was nervous, she had been quiet and almost shy during our walk, even though she let me hold her hand the entire time. I remembered her being more talkative before, always leading the conversation, but reminded myself that she hadn't seen me in a year. I should have expected that things were going to be a little awkward.

The waiter came and took our order, brought us water and bread, and left us on our own until our food arrived. It was then that I got the courage to speak. "What's on your mind, Sugar?"

She looked up from sipping her water, smiling timidly. "I just...well I can't believe we're finally having our date," she admitted with a small laugh. "And I know its silly, given that we both know each other already and we've been intimate before, but I'm...nervous."

"You aren't the only one," I replied. "I changed clothes five times and I don't have that many clothes. Steve ended up dressing me." He had come into my room right before I left, frowning at the red Henley I had been wearing before demanding that I wear one of his button downs. He had tried to get me to wear a tie and I had to threaten his life to get out of there before he forced it around my neck.

She laughed again, louder this time, shaking her head. "Iris is responsible for all of this," she motioned to herself. "She picked the dress out and the shoes and did the make up and my hair. This is definitely not me."

I surveyed her again, like I had multiple times that night, feeling a heat in my bones when I took in her smooth shoulders and the swell of her breast above the neckline of her dress that were exposed after she had slipped her jacket from her shoulder. "It suits you," I commented. "You look really beautiful. And that dress…"

"It's too much?" she rubbed her hand down her side self consciously. The action sent a throb through me.

I shook my head. "No. Not at all. It...It looks incredible on you."

She turned a deep red, the blush taking over her whole face. I loved that I had such an effect on her. "Thank you, James."

"Will you fill me in?" I prompted wanting to keep her talking. "On everything I missed about you this year?"

Once she had a subject she started talking easily, telling me all about the year of her life that I had missed. She stuck to the good parts, mentioning her therapy sessions with Dr. Lewis offhandedly, and talking instead of her work, Iris passing the BAR exam and Iris' relationship with Brandon, and her growing friendship with Steve. I was admittedly a little jealous to hear about all the lunches, outings, and movie nights she had shared with Steve, but was also glad that she had someone, someone connected to me to keep me alive in her. She could have easily forgotten me, could have decided I wasn't worth the trouble and moved on with her life, but she hadn't. She had waited for me. That alone made having to deal with all of my memories returning worth it.

"And that's pretty much it," she finished with a shrug, taking another bite of her half eaten baked ziti. She wiped her mouth with her napkin. "My life hasn't been that exciting since you left. My life has been pretty boring."

The amount of excitement I brought into her life was enough to last a lifetime, I thought. "Your life doesn't sound boring to me."

She smiled weakly. "What was Wakanda like?"

"It was beautiful. It's an amazing place. I had a nice cabin out in the country, quiet and peaceful, except for my goats. They'd make noise all night sometimes, but just like city noise you get used to it."

"How many goats did you have?"

"Three to start, and then a fourth came along," I smirked thinking back to the scary morning that I spent delivering a baby goat with the help of some fellow villagers.

"Awww," she smiled. "Whose caring for them now?"

"Not sure. T'Challa promised to give them to a loving family. So I'm sure they're in good hands."

"It sounds like you miss them…"

I nodded. I did. "I do honestly. Caring for them really helped me in those months after I woke up. Gave me something to put myself into, something to care for and… love." It felt weird saying that about goats, but it was the truth.

Her eyes dropped. "I wish I could have been there for you when you woke up."

Those words sent a pang through my gut. I wished that too, more than I had realized until she said it. I was sorry to have missed a whole year of her life, of the chance to be with her. I reached across the table with my flesh hand and took hers, noticing the way her breath hitched in her throat and she looked at me with mild surprise. Fire raced up my arm at the skin to skin contact. I opened my mouth, but she looked at me with a quirked eyebrow and a hint of a smile on her lips.

"Don't you dare apologize, James Buchanan Barnes," she warned. "I told you, no more apologizing."

I laughed, she was starting to know me well. "Okay, Sugar. No more apologies."

"Good," she sipped her water again and set the glass down. She squared her shoulders and sat up straighter. "So you're going to make me ask then?"

I frowned. "Make you ask what?"

She put her elbows on the table. "About how you got your memories back?"

Oh. That. I didn't want to tell her the truth of how my memories came back or the side effects of it happening. I knew she would feel guilty or blame herself. She already blamed herself for things that weren't her fault or things that were out of her control and I didn't want to add to that list. And I didn't want to ruin our date.

"They just…came back…" I lied feeling my stomach twist.

She looked at me skeptically. "Out of nowhere?"

I shrugged, swallowed the lump in my throat. "Well you've been on my mind a lot, even before I came back, when I was in Wakanda I was dreaming of your face. And you've only been on my mind more since I saw you in the Doc's office, and then Steve told me about you, and we talked and I read my journal about you-."

"You wrote about me in your journal?" She cut in.

"Yes, I did… you were- are -important to me. You're the first person since I woke up, the first time, that has…That has made me feel anything. And after everything we've been through…I would have done anything to remember you. It's the very least that I could do."

She didn't say anything, only stared at me for what felt eternity, her brown eyes peering right into me. For a second I thought I had said the wrong thing or said too much, that I had upset her somehow. She set down her fork and wiped her mouth with her napkin again; and then she was sliding around the curve of the booth, right next to me. I was at a loss for words when she touched my cheek, her palm smoothing across my cheek and down to wrap around the back of my neck. She pulled me down, her lips meeting mine softly at first, just for a few seconds before she was pulling back, her breathing heavy.

I gaped at her. "What was that for?"

"For you being so honest and sweet..and because I've missed you so damn much. I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

A part of me felt bad for lying to her, but it was for her own good. And it was this exact moment that I didn't want to ruin. I took her face in my hands and pulled her back to me, our lips meeting and the kiss turning hungry quickly. I was thankful that our booth had a high back and there was no one sitting at the tables close to us, because once my mouth was on her I felt like we couldn't separate. Everything else slipped as it had when we were in the hallway earlier and it was just the two of us, wrapped in heat and sexual tension. The kiss was desperate and breathy and her hands were in my hair and mine were on her hips, pulling her against me as much as I could. I eventually had to come up for air, pulling away from her kiss long enough to take a breath before my mouth was on her throat and she was biting her lip to keep herself quiet.

"James," she gasped when my flesh hand travelled down from her hip to the inside of her thigh. "We…we should…" she arched into my touch when my fingers brushed against the soft material of her panties and my teeth grazed her pulse. It was then she stopped me, grabbing my wrist with one hand and pushing against my chest with the other. She was panting when she looked up at me with darkened eyes. "We can't do this here."

She was absolutely right of course. We were at a very public restaurant. "Sorry, Sugar, I got carried away," I reluctantly pulled my hands away, wiped at my mouth.

"Don't be sorry," she smirked bashfully. "Just get the check and take me home."

Yeeeeaaaaah there's going to be a ton of smut next chapter lol so prepare yourselves.