Kurt POV

I was so pissed of that I actually skipped all of my nighttime skin routines in favor of throwing myself on the bed and sulking heavily. This could not be allowed to continue. Dad and I were a family, just the two of us. We didn't need Carole, and we didn't need Finn. If Finn was going to be part of the family, it would be as my boyfriend and eventual husband. It was not going to be as Dad's other son, the one he liked better because he was into sports and all manly and such a stupid BOY!

Rage gave me more strength, so I jumped up and went over to the far wall, where I had been trying out different fabric samples on the wall. Who cared? I had bigger problems right now.

"What was all that about?" Dad had come down the stairs without me noticing.

"Nothing." I ripped the last few down. "It's absolutely nothing."

"Then why don't you explain to me why you were so rude at dinner tonight. If I recall correctly, it was your idea for the four of us to get together." Dad sounded frustrated, like any of this was my fault.

I threw all of the swatches away. "It was. We had a nice dinner and we all went home. How nice do you want me to be when you two accused me a wanting to fornicate in the bathroom the minute I was out of your sight?"

"No one said that you were going to-"He cut himself off, clearly not wanting to go down that road. "How come you're throwing all of your….little fabric squares away? Did you choose one?"

"No. They're all wrong. Every one of them is wrong." Just like everything else in the world.

Drah-muh queen. Galinda drew the words out. He's not going to know what's wrong unless you tell him. He's just a man, not a mind reader.

Dad leaned against the wall. "Maybe they're all wrong because they're all exactly alike. How come you didn't get a few different colors?"

They weren't exactly alike! Why didn't he understand that, or at least ask me to explain it to him? "I'll bet if they were sports colors you would know the difference."

"What does that mean?" Now he sounded angry as well as confused.

"It means you don't have to pretend to care what I do down here. Go upstairs and watch the game. Better yet, call Finn and have him come watch with you. I'm sure he'd be thrilled."

"Wait, is this about Finn?" Dad seemed more puzzled then ever. "Are you jealous that I was talking to him tonight? Because you've been after me to get to know him, so I won't treat him like the boy who defiled you."

"It's not Finn!" My voice jumped two octaves and suddenly I sounded 7 again instead of 17.

Methinks the lady doth protest too much…

Dad sat down on the bed, and I suddenly saw a golden opportunity laid out at my feet. What I was about to do was selfish, and terrible, and would probably put me on the wrong side of karma until I was 90, but I didn't care. I came to his side and hugged him tightly, burying my face in his shoulder. "It's not Finn."

He hugged me tightly; his arms making me feel completely secure. "If it isn't Finn, what is it?"

I forced a few tears, then looked up at him. "It's Carole."

"Carole?" He couldn't have looked more surprised if I had hit him. "Why? Did she say or do something to you? Because I was under the impression that you liked her a lot."

"I do!" As bad as things were, I didn't want to lie to my father. "But I don't want her to be my new Mom! She's Finn's mother." Then suddenly I wasn't forcing the tears, but they kept coming anyway. "I don't want you to get married again and have a new wife that you'll like better then Mom and another kid that you like better then me! We have a family, and it's you and me. We don't need anyone else."

"Is that…." He shook his head and pulled my chin up so we were face to face. "I could never love another kid better then I love you. That's why your mother and I only had one child. Because we knew we did it perfectly the first time, and we wouldn't go so lucky twice. Never, ever, think that I don't love you more then anyone else in this world."

That felt good, but I noticed what he wasn't saying as well. He wasn't saying that he didn't love Mom more then he loved Carole. Could Finn's mother possibly be the one? The woman he had waited his entire life for? Was Mom just a detour on the road to Carole? I wanted to know, but I was too afraid of the answer to ask. I pressed closer to Dad, my face against his neck. "Ok."

"What do you want me to do, Kurt? Ignore Finn? Break up with Carole? I'm at a loss here."

Just like always. I wished, just once, that Dad and I could have the easy camaraderie that he felt with Finn. That we could do something, anything, together without one of us being bored out of our minds and wishing the activity would just end. "I want you to love me."

"I do. How can I make you understand that?"

He had just offered me the golden opportunity. I could get rid of Carole right now, just by saying the words. But something held me back. Maybe it was suspicion that this was all too easy, or maybe it was just that I was wrong and I knew it, but I couldn't quite make my voice work. "I don't know!" It came out whining and pathetic.

"Then you and I are going to sit here until you do know. Kurt you're sixteen years old, and this is ridiculous. If there's a problem, we'll fix it, but I can't do anything if you won't help me."

Well then he and I were going to be sitting here for a very long time. That was fine, though, I could wait him out. If I'm good at one thing, it's waiting someone out.

I watched the clock out of the corner of my eye, counting the number of minutes it was going to take before Dad got frustrated and stomped off. 1…3…..5…8…11…17… damn he was good. But I was better.

At 26 minutes, Dad's frustration won out. "I didn't think that this was a difficult task, but apparently you need some extra time to think about it. You can go to bed now, and come home right after school tomorrow, so you'll have plenty of time to take care of it."

This wasn't how things were supposed to go! Usually he just sighed really deeply and stalked off. "I have Glee after school tomorrow. Then Finn and I are going out on a real date. One that doesn't involve the parents as a double."

"You can skip both of those things. Clearly our family is the most important thing to you, just like it is to me, so you should be glad to take the time off to make it the best it can be. Be sure to let me know when you figure out what how I can make it clear to you how much I love you." He started up the stairs, then changed his mind. "And just so we both understand, I'll be leaving work early tomorrow, just so I'll be home for you to talk to."

Pleasure warred with anger in my chest. This was what I wanted. For Dad to take time out of his schedule because he wanted to spend time with me, trying to solve some of my problems. He barely had time for me as it was, so how could he think that he would have time for me and Finn and Carole, too? It wasn't so much that I was determined to preserve my place at the top of the food chain as it was that I was determined to make sure I still had a place.

"I can't wait." It sounded bitchy, even to me, but I couldn't make myself sound any different. I wanted to be close to Dad, to tell him everything that I was thinking, but I just couldn't. Why was it so easy with Finn, but so hard with my own flesh and blood?

"Me either." Dad didn't sound any happier then I did, but he didn't say anything more about it. "Goodnight, Kurt. I love you."

"Love you, too." Usually I'm excellent at staying angry, but Dad made it hard.

I turned off the lights and curled up in bed, trying to figure out how the evening had gone so wrong. I was now officially a member of the most popular club in school. I had done well on my geography test. Dinner had been passable. I had a boyfriend who loved me, and who was willing to go in on this plan to break our parents up. I had-

Wait a second. Let's go back to the boyfriend. You know, the one who you think is such a wonderful guy?

Finn was a wonderful guy! Why would Galinda suggest that he wasn't?

I didn't. But tell me all about why Finn is wonderful. I think I might have forgotten a few things.

That was something I didn't need help with. Finn was wonderful because he was good in bed and at least tried to take care of me, and was gentle and loving and always tried to put me first.

Do you think you're just as wonderful to him?

Yes. Well, at least I tried to be. I was more selfish then Finn was, I recognized that, but I did try. I always tried to help him with his homework, and I did ask him how his day went and-Oh, God.

Yeah. Want to rethink that 'I'm a great boyfriend' stance?

The burning behind my eyes started again, only this time they weren't tears of anger. They were tears of shame. I had gotten so caught up in trying to deal with our parents at dinner, that I had forgotten the reason we were going out to dinner in the first place. We were supposed to be supporting Finn, because he had been tested for various learning disabilities today.

And I hadn't even asked him how it had gone. The one time I should have put his needs way above mine, and I hadn't even taken two minutes to make sure he was ok. I was a lousy boyfriend.

The worst part was, Finn probably wouldn't even notice. He wasn't used to people considering him first, or even at all. He was a status symbol, to be brought out and flaunted when he was needed, and ignored at all other times. A father for Quinn's baby, a partner to sing with for Rachel. No one had ever considered his feelings before, so why should I consider them now?

But I could still fix this. I rolled over and grabbed my cell phone, pushing the '1' button and holding it down. The phone rang and rang, until his familiar voicemail picked up. Either he was asleep, or he was ignoring my call. When he puts his mind to it, Finn can sulk just as hard as I can.

But he's not as stubborn. I dialed again, and again, then sent him a text. He might want to ignore me, but I wasn't going to make it easy on him. I tried calling one last time, and finally got him to pick up.

""lo?" From the slurred sound of his voice, Finn had been asleep rather then ignoring me.

"Hey, Cowboy." My throat was tight, and it was a struggle to even get those two words out.

"Hey, Spider Monkey." His voice went from sleepy to worried in the space of a second. "I…uh…I didn't have time to do anything to break them up tonight, but I promise I'll try really hard tomorrow."

"I don't care about that right now. I realized that I forgot to ask you about how your tests went. Did you do well?"

There was a silence, except for his heavy breathing. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and unhappy. "I don't know. I sat there forever, and she did all the same stupid crap that Ms. Pillsbury did, but no one gave me any answers! All she said was that she had to talk to all of the other doctors at the office and she would call me back!" He was obviously miserable, sniffling slightly by the end.

One of Finn's problems is that he feels things very deeply, but lacks the vocabulary to explain why he feels that way. So he gets overly frustrated by his inability to express himself, and ends up reacting physically, kicking things and losing his temper. I've been working on getting him to slow down and think before he acts, so he doesn't get so revved up, but its slow going. We may also be hampered by the fact that my own temper isn't something I'm particularly proud of.

"He didn't say anything? Not even a clue?" I had to keep him focused.

"It was a chick doctor. And she said it looked like dyslexia, just like Ms. Pillsbury did. Then she said we should know for sure by Friday, but I'll bet that's bullshit."

I glanced over at the windows. I couldn't go through the front or back doors, because Dad would hear me, but maybe I could flip one of them up and sneak out that way. So what if I was dressed in only pajamas and my face was all blotched up from crying? Finn needed me.

"At least we're moving in the right direction. You know I love you, no matter what the tests say, right? You're you, and you'll always be you, and some diagnosis isn't going to change that." I stood on my tiptoes and stretched, nudging at the window. It opened, but not enough for me to get through. And how would I get the car started without anyone else hearing it?

"Ok. I love you, too." He sounded a little better.

"Do you need me to come over?" I would figure out a way, even if I had to walk or, even worse, call Puck for a ride.

"Nah. I'm going to bed now, and Mom is up and pacing around. She's calling people, and making that fake laugh, but she won't let me come sit with her or anything. She's about to hit the mega-bitch stage, and you don't want to be anywhere near her when that happens."

I would bow to Finn superior knowledge of his own mother. "If you're sure…"

"Yeah. What's up with you?" He was yawning while he spoke.

"Nothing. Why?" How did Finn always know when something was wrong with me?

"You sound like you're sad, but you're doing that breathing thing you always do when you're pissy. Let me guess: it's your Dad."

I suppose that it's to Finn's credit that he managed to ask that without sounding either condescending or completely bored with the ongoing saga of my father and I. "Yeah. But I don't want to talk about it right now. Can I have a little while to work it out in my own head?"

"Sure. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" At the same time, I heard his bedroom door fly open and Carole snap at him to hang up the phone, right now. He told her fine and whispered quickly. "And now it's the bitch stage. Love you, bye."

The phone disconnected before I could tell him that I loved him, too. But, then, I guessed he already knew that. Now I just had to figure out what to do about my other, more paternal, problem.

There wasn't much that I could do, though. Yes, I knew full well that Dad loved me, and that he would do anything for me, but how I just couldn't shake the feeling that he was just waiting for the chance to get rid of his embarrassingly queer child.

Because he's done that so often thus far. You know what? Your father doesn't know how to be a good Dad! There, I said it. It wouldn't matter if you were Kurt, or Finn, or Puck, or even Rachel Fucking Berry. It's not personal, and I have to say that things have gotten a whole lot better since he started dating Carole. She must be giving him some tips on how to interact with your child.

In my heart, I knew that Galinda was right. There was absolutely no malice in what Dad was doing and had done. He provided me with a home to live in, food to eat, a car, and all the designer clothing my heart could desire. He accompanied me to Riverdance, and to plays, and at least invited me to watch the game with him. He was obviously happy when I came to the garage, and it wasn't like he tried to hide me in the back or anything.

Remember the day that one man said he didn't want a fag working on his car? Not only did your father throw him out and tell him to never come back, he was about two seconds away from going after him with a tire iron. If that isn't love, what is?

I did remember that day. I remembered hiding behind Evan, scared and humiliated. And most of all, I remembered my father coming back and scooping my up into his arms and carrying me back to his office, even though I was almost 13 years old and would have been horrified to be treated as a baby in any other circumstances. He sat with me while I cried, and reminded me over and over that there were terrible people in the world, and they could say terrible things, but that I was better then them, better then him, even, and I was going to do something perfect and amazing with my own special talents.

That memory made tears of shame spring to my eyes for the second time in less then an hour. I looked over at the clock. Almost 11. Dad would have to be up by 6:30 to be ready to open the garage by 8, so he was probably already asleep. Should I wake him up?

I was out of bed before I thought, creeping up the stairs on silent feet. The house was dark, but this had been my house for my entire life, so I wasn't afraid. I quickly went through the kitchen, across the living room and up the stairs. It wasn't until I was actually at his closed door that my courage waned.

I was very seldom in my father's room, even back when it had been the room of both my mother and father. Even as a little boy, I had been somewhat intimidated by my father, and shy around him as a rule. If I had a nightmare or didn't feel well, one of them would come to me in my room across the hall. I don't ever remember crawling in bed with both of them, though I do remember sometimes cuddling with Mom when Dad was away.

But I hadn't gotten this far by acting like a coward, and I wasn't going start now, in my own home. I pushed the door open. "Dad?" My voice trembled across the space of the room, so small I could barely hear it myself.

But he could. "Kurt? What's wrong, son?"

"I….I'm ready to talk to you now." If he told me to come back in the morning, I wouldn't be able to do this at all.

"Sure, sure." He turned on the light and sat up, patting the bed beside him. "Come on."

My courage tried to fail again, but I made myself go forward and sit next to him. I picked at the blanket. "I'm sorry I was a jerk earlier."

He didn't even try to deny it, which I actually appreciated. It made me feel like he wouldn't lie to me, ever. Instead he rubbed my shoulder. "You need to talk to me. Snapping and bitching doesn't get us anywhere, and I don't want to go back to being the two people who share a house and a bloodline and nothing else. Do you?"

"No." It was a tiny whisper. If things went back to the way they had been, I wouldn't be able to stand it.

"Then that only leaves talking. I know it's not easy for you, and God knows it's not easy for me either. So tell me what's wrong? Start with Carole."

"Would you break up with her if I wanted you to? I'm not saying I do, I just want to know." My lie was transparent.

Dad thought about it. "Yes."

"You would?" My voice was watery, even though I wasn't actually crying.

"Absolutely. You mean the entire world to me, and Finn means the entire world to Carole. If the two of you don't agree with us dating, we're willing to cool it down for a while."

A while wasn't forever. "Just for a while?"

"Yes, just for a while. Kurt, think about it. In two years, you'll be a senior in high school. Six months after that, you'll be gone and I'll be alone. So will Carole. So, yes, I want someone to keep me company. But, if you don't agree with us dating, I won't subject you two seeing it."

In other words, he was waiting for me to get out of the house so he could have a life again, one where he was no longer responsible for his own son.

I don't think that's what he said. But go ahead, make it all about you. I'm sure you'll enjoy the thought of your father being all alone while you're away at college. Coming home to an empty house, making his own disgustingly fatty dinner, probably out of a can, watching the game alone. Sounds inviting, doesn't it?

Ok, so Galinda had a point. I didn't' want Dad to be miserable, but there was no way I could stay here. I was going places after graduation, but he would have to stay behind. "So you like her a lot. Are you going to propose to her?"

He jumped. "Kid, we've only been dating for a few months. We've both already done the marriage thing once, and we don't want to rush into it again. Maybe, far far into the future, it will be something to consider, but not right now."

But he wasn't discounting it entirely. What he had seen in these past few months with Carole was something that had sounded depths inside of him that had remained dormant since my mother died. I made myself look him in the eye. "I'm afraid that once you have Finn and Carole, you won't want me any more. I know Finn's the sort of kid you wanted."

It might have been the most honest thing I had said to him since I had come out of the closet. He knew it as well, and his eyes widened. "That isn't true. Finn's awesome, but he's not mine. I know you think I'm not very smart, Kurt, and that may be true, but I do know that I love you. And, unless I completely misread what was happening tonight, I don't think Finn wants me to be his father, anyway. My guess would be that, even if Carole and I did get married, he would prefer that I be an advisor and possibly a friend. Not a father."

It wasn't until the moment that I realized the truth in his words. Finn had as much as told me that earlier tonight, but I hadn't really been listening. Christopher Hudson, despite his flaws and early death, was his father, period. Dad could maybe fill in, on a part time basis, but he would never be Finn's father, only mine. If Dad and Carole had met 10 years ago, or even 5, things might have been different, but too much time had passed for easy acceptance. "I guess I didn't think of that."

"I guess not. Kiddo, you need to relax. I love you, and nothing is going to change that. Not Carole, not Finn, not anything. Do you understand me?" I didn't reply, so he gently pushed my shoulder. "Kurt? Do you understand?"

"Yes." I did. But understanding and believing can be miles apart, and it was the second part that I was having trouble with.'

He looked at me in the dim light of the bedroom. "Do you…do you want me to stop seeing Carole? I hadn't considered that dating her might be difficult for you."

Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Maybe so. "I don't know." That wasn't honest. Yes, I knew. I knew that I wanted her gone; because that was the only way things could stay the same for me. But Galinda was right. I wanted this because I wanted it. Not because it was better for Dad, or for Carole, or maybe even for me in the long run. If I said yes now, it would be because I was acting like a toddler denied a cookie. "Can I let you know tomorrow?" I needed to talk to Finn about this. I understand pre-calculus, but Finn's the one who understands people. He would be able to tell me what to do.

But right now, there was only me and Dad. The same two that hadn't been able to figure out the answers in 16 years. I guessed Dad was thinking the same thing, and that another 18 or so hours wouldn't make much of a difference. "Alright."

I wasn't used to asking him for permission to do anything, so I was up and almost back out the door before I remembered something else I had needed to ask him. "Um…is it ok if I go to Glee and on my date tomorrow? I would really like to."

He smiled. "Yes, you can go to Glee. That man's treating you ok, isn't he? Because if I have to go back there and scare him straight again, I'll do it."

"No, Mr. Shuester and I are doing fine. I almost got to sing the solo at Sectionals." I had not, and never intended to tell him about Mr. Ryerson touching me. It might be what finally gave him that heart attack that had been threatening for years now. Far better for me to just tell him that things were about the same.

"Almost? Why is it almost? Man couldn't stand to let you have a moment to shine?" He was getting all worked up again, and I rushed in to correct him.

"No. We only had 15 minutes to perform, and we had to have a ballad this year, which is a song that tells a story. Since 'Defying Gravity' doesn't count, I couldn't do it. Otherwise I would have been the one to do the solo. Anyway, it was better that way. If I had been the one to sing the solo, then those other groups would have found out what it was, and I would have had to listen to someone else sing my solo. This way, there's still a chance that I'll get to sing it some day." Not a big one, but I could hold on to even the smallest hope forever. After all, that ability paid off and got me Finn, didn't it?

"Maybe for this other thing. The next level…uh….the….semi-finals?"

"Regionals. We haven't even talked about it yet, but I'll be sure to bring it up. It would be great, wouldn't it?"

"Definitely. As far as your date with Finn goes, I guess it's alright. Where are you going?"

"I'm going over to his place. He's making us dinner, and then we're going to watch a movie. Knowing Finn, it'll be something terrible, but maybe I can steer him towards something without lots of gore." Too late, I saw his eyes widen and I realized exactly what that had sounded like.

Hey Dad, Finn and are going to his house, which is devoid of adult supervision. We're going to eat, so we have plenty of energy to fuck like weasels. Then, Finn will put in a movie, and we'll do it in front of the televisions, since his choice will suck anyway. Then maybe we'll do it again before Carole gets home. Your innocent little boy isn't quite so innocent any more.

I tried to backtrack. "Not like that! God, Dad, you make it sound like I only want Finn for his body! Is that the sort of person you think I am?"

Aren't you?

Dad rested his head in his hands. "I think that you're a 16 year old boy who's discovered sex for the first time. Don't think I don't remember what that's like."

That was quite possibly the most revolting mental image I had had in a very long time. "I thought we already talked about this. I have no plans to have sex with Finn tomorrow, but good job putting ideas in my head." I hated the fact that my first line of defense was always to go on the offense, but I just couldn't help it.

"Watch your mouth. And I don't recall saying anything beyond asking what your plans were. I worry that you're too young to be making these choices, but, good or bad, they're your own. But please, for the love of God, Kurt, be safe."

"I always am." If nothing else, Finn would make me safe. He's good at that. It's keeping himself safe and happy that he's not so good at. But that's what he has me for, right? I had screwed up today, by not asking him what was going on, but I could do better tomorrow. That was the good thing about life. There was always tomorrow to make it better.

Or worse.

Or worse, but I was trying to do better at being positive. It just came so naturally to Finn, his spirit against the odds, while I had to fight to keep from looking for the shadows in every corner.

"I didn't know Finn could cook." Dad was trying to change the subject as gracefully as he knew how.

"He can't. He lights things on fire when he's allowed to use the stove alone. We're going to make dinner together."

He smiled, but it was a little distant, like he was remembering something as much as he was listening to me. "That sounds like a good date."

"Yeah." It was, too. Actually, it was my favorite sort of date, the kind that involved me, Finn, and plenty of time to be just the two of us. "So, we're ok? You and I?"

"We are. Have fun, and make sure you call me when you get to Finn's place after school."

This sudden worry about where I was all the time was new, and not something I particularly liked. But it seemed like too much effort to fight about it, so I kept my mouth shut. "I will."

My heart was significantly lighter as I slipped back down the stairs and into bed. I slipped on one of Finn's old T-shirts, pressing my nose against the fabric and trying to catch his smell. There was nothing there, but I could almost fool myself into thinking there was. But give it 9 hours, and I would be back with the real Finn again, instead of just some substitute.

I could hardly wait.