Feeling bittersweet … this will be the last chapter in "All I Need." Thank you, thank you for all of the reviews, faves, and follows - your kind words kept this going for so long. You know I love Linseride, and I promised much in the Christmas story (with 2NY), so there will be one more installment. I am changing up some stuff so fair warning. Hope you enjoy!
Kelly thought he imagined the words. Heat of the moment, definitely not thinking with his brain … Yes, he decided, totally misheard what Erin said.
"So what do you think, Kel?" Erin asked quietly, the kids still asleep even though it was past 11:00. The Severides both awake but enjoying the quiet, lazy morning, lying in bed with a reluctance to get going.
"Bout what? Us makin' breakfast? Our kids are gonna come racin' in here any second," Kelly said, putting an emphasis on the "our kids" that hinted at the feelings of happiness and contentment he swore were literally filling his heart.
"Mmmm, I like the sound of that," Erin remarked, throwing an arm around her husband's naked torso. "But I was talking about what I said to you last night."
"You said a lot to me last night. And Shay said a lot, couldn't get her to shut up. And Clarke, both Clarke's. So, don't be pissed, but what am I weighing in on?" Kelly asked, pushing Erin's arm off of his chest so he could roll over and face his wife.
"You know," Erin answered, eyebrows raised.
The dumbfounded look on the fireman's face made her wonder if she'd said what she thought she said.
"The baby."
"Which baby?" Kelly asked, afraid to let those words from last night in. "Clarke? Shay? Casey?"
"Ours," Erin answered, beginning to worry that his hesitation was a sign of how stupid her idea was. Damn heat of the moment, caught up in the night, all those babies on the way. "Never mind. If we're pretending I didn't say anything…" Erin rolled over away from Kelly. She tried to push herself out of bed but was stopped by a firm grip on her wrist.
"Hey," Kelly called, pulling her forcefully back on the bed. "Babe, I'm sorry. Thought I imagined it. Hell, was so happy from the whole night, didn't think it could get better. And then you said let's make a baby, and," he stopped, struggling to find the right words, "and then you made it better."
"Really?" Erin asked hesitantly, dimples forming on her face. "You don't think I'm crazy?"
"Now that's a different question. Hell yeah, you're crazy."
Erin punched him lightly on the arm, her hoarse laugh ringing out, rousing two kids from a sleep they were trying not to leave.
"But us makin' a baby sounds like the best idea that's come outta that crazy brain…"
Erin slugged him again, harder.
"Ouch!" he protested.
Erin was on top of him now, planting little kisses all over his face. Her husky laugh stirring her husband from the inside out, the drowsy laziness of the late morning giving way to a burst of energy. Kelly rolled her over, planting his own kisses on her face. Erin's laugh cut short by a burst of knocking on the door.
"What's going on in there?" Kayla's voice was soft, just waking up. She'd seen enough to have a pretty good idea what was going on but somehow this had no resemblance to her birth mother and the string of men she entertained. This, she knew, was something else.
"Can we come in?" asked J.P. cautiously going for the door knob. Kayla slapped his hand away.
"J! We never go in till mom or dad say come in," she reprimanded bossily.
"Come in! We ain't awake yet, but come on in," Kelly yelled out, scooching over crowding his wife to make room for the kids.
He pat the empty side of the bed as Kayla and J.P. came tumbling in, both pushing each other out of the way to be the first one to jump up next to their parents. J.P. won, sliding under Kayla's arm and bounding on the bed.
He laughed uncontrollably as she launched herself on top of him.
"Hey, Cut the 're just now wakin' up," Kelly said, fake serious look on his face.
That sent J.P. into hysterics. Kayla and Erin joining in.
Erin tucked her birth control pills in her panty drawer, smiling as she pushed them out of sight. She insisted they weren't "going crazy" with the trying but if it happened it happened.
"You sure this isn't a bad idea? We just officially got the kids," Erin asked, that old Erin doubt settling in.
"This ain't a bad idea. How could us makin' another Severide be a bad idea," Kelly reassured. It would be his role over the next few months. He also added that it was fine with him if they did "go crazy" with the trying.
"I'm going to be the worst mother. Look at who I had as a role model."
"There's no 'going to be' Erin. You're already a mom and a damn good one."
"Our hands are already so full. The baseball, art classes, what the hell are we thinking?"
"So our hands'll be fuller. No big deal, babe. We got this."
"What if something happens? We do have dangerous jobs. Not to jinx it, but what if… what if, we're not around and three kids…"
"Jinx it? Erin, nothin's gonna happen. It's already happened. We are fine. The kids will be fine."
Kelly played the role of pacifier, calming his wife down every time a doubt arouse. He had doubts himself, but they weren't about being parents. He knew they were built for that job, J.P. and Kayla evidence of that. No, his doubts came from a worry so real it almost materialized as panic, showing itself in the wee hours of the morning when his wife was sleeping. It was a pit of your stomach gnawing that reminded him of what happened the last time Erin was pregnant. The fall, their lost baby, their dashed hopes that almost destroyed them.
Her job. In his mind, it always came back to her job. Being a cop was no cake walk. The reality was that it was a dangerous business, proven time and time didn't like it. Not one bit.
"What the hell's wrong with me?" Shay asked Erin, really wanting Kelly but settling for the detective while he was covering on Red shift. "You think my body's rejecting the sperm or something?"
Erin snorted almost choking on the green tea she was trying to drink. Kelly'd read somewhere that green tea increased fertility so now he was trying to drown her in it.
"Your body is not rejecting the sperm, Shay. You will get pregnant. It's been … what? Five months?"
"Six," Shay corrected, crossing her arms.
Erin drew in a deep breath. She knew Shay's frustrations, knew the feelings of what the hell is taking so long. Once she'd said the words out loud, "let's make a baby," Erin could think of nothing else.
"Shay," Erin began slowly. She was violating her pact with Kelly, the "We ain't tellin' no one" agreement they reached not wanting the constant barrage of questions that inevitably came with couples trying to get pregnant.
"Shay," Erin started again. She had to tell her.
Leslie's eyebrows reached new heights, waiting for those next words, having no clue what was to come.
"We've been trying too."
"What?! Get the hell out!" Shay whacked Erin on the arm. "Oh my God! We could be pregnant at the same time! Whale twinsies! Wait. You can't get pregnant either? Maybe Kelly's little swimmers can't swim. Maybe he's shooting blanks!" Shay was practically wheezing at her own jokes.
"I'm pretty sure he's fine," Erin said, a sense of loyalty to her husband preventing her from joining in the laughter of his best friend.
"I don't know. Kel took a long time in that room at the fertility clinic," Shay added, remembering the details of their brief foray into artificial insemination.
"That was a plastic cup. He's never had any issues, I mean… we're fine. He's fine," Erin rambled, having a hard time imagining Kelly and that cup.
"Oh, I am sure he has no problems with the female body. Geesh, I'm just glad we never had to… ew!" Shay shook her head, the fleeting thought of Plan B rushing in, how close they'd come to it.
"I'm sure it's about to happen for both of us. So, yes, we'll be pregnant at the same time," Erin wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. She didn't want her husband to have an aneurysm.
"I have been feeling fertile lately. You know, not completely revulsed by the thought of sperm swimming up my vaginal canal and straight through my cervix," Shay commented, eyes wide at the thought of it.
"That's probably a good thing. The whole not feeling revulsion," Erin agreed, eyes narrowing, trying to come up with something to add.
"That's what Holly said. You know, a welcoming environment." Shay took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She shook her head before opening them again. "You're right. It's happening for both of us." A wide smile spread across her face… "And Kel's gonna have to deal with what that means," a snort of laughter preventing her from finishing the thought.
"Both of us hormonal," Erin smiled, thinking of Cally and what Jeff had gone through.
"And fat. I think I'm gonna get HUGE!" Shay's laughter infected the detective who couldn't help but join in.
"God help my husband," Erin mused, her dimples running deep.
Kelly sat the kids down on the sofa standing up in front of them. He crossed his arms and paused remembering where to start. He'd rehearsed what he was gonna say a dozen times.
J.P. didn't have a clue. Kayla knew something was up… the hushed tones of mom and dad. Not arguing, just serious talking she'd overheard for the past few weeks, maybe months. This was not good. Definitely not good.
"Nothin's wrong," Kelly began smiling reassuringly, seeing the worried looks on the kids' faces. "Just wanted to let you know that mom and I were thinkin' about addin' to the family." Severide waited, having a hard time reading their faces.
"Like adopting another kid?" asked J.P. not sure what to think. On the one hand, he was relieved it wasn't anything bad but on the other hand, was it "good" news? Was it something he did?
"Nah, uh, we were thinkin' about gettin' pregnant."
J.P.'s eyes were saucers, wide in disbelief. Oh God, he hoped, let this not be the "talk" he'd been subjected to when Kayla thought he was old enough around age 6. He swore he still wasn't over that.
Both kids remained silent, leaving Kelly at more of a loss for words. Maybe this was a bad idea. Should have checked with them before … stupid, dumb, Erin doubts riddling his brain. Of course they'd be worried, probably thinking they were being replaced or something.
"A baby? Mom's having a baby?" Kayla's bright smile and slight squeal said everything was going to be alright. "I can help take care of her!"
"We can teach him baseball," J.P. chirped in, toothy grin now joining his sister's.
"Whoa. There's no baby yet. Wanted to see what you two thought… you know let you know we were tryin', warn you some sleepless nights might be comin." Kelly coughed uncomfortably.
J.P. shot Kayla a glance, a look of horror on his face, the word "trying" playing out in his mind. Kayla's smile turned into a laugh, reading her little brother's thoughts.
"Well, I think it's an epic idea. I can't wait to be a big sis to another kid. This one," she ruffled J.P.'s coarse hair in the way he hated, "is getting too big to listen to me."
"Hey, cut it out!" J.P. protested trying to smooth his hair back out. "Yeah, I think it's a good idea too."
Kelly was about to say he had the best kids ever and if it didn't happen, no big deal. But Erin rushed in the apartment, worry line pressed deep between her eyebrows. It said mom had a long day at work.
Kelly motioned his hand across his neck, that little slice saying "not a word of this" to the woman who just walked in. Both kids nodded silently, getting up to meet Erin with a swarm of hugs, that line on her face fading with each squeeze.
"K got dinner started, so you don't have to lift a finger," Kay said, alternating the Dad and K moniker depending on what sputtered out first.
"Here, let me get you a drink. Some water," J.P. said skipping to the kitchen. He grabbed her hand, leading her and the glass of water to the couch. As she sat down, the little boy brushed her stomach with a soft touch.
Kelly locked eyes with his wife, feeling that familiar stirring that said "let me get you alone. Now." The devilish grin teasing his lips turned slight grimace when he saw Erin's look. It read more, "Yes, I want you alone too. Cause you are dead meat, dude."
"Love you, babe," he called out from behind the counter, starting to slice some tomatoes.
"Love you too, babe," she called back, those eyes saying he better watch it.
Kelly just kept chopping, not sure what he was gonna do with all those tomatoes.
Erin couldn't stay mad at her guy. It was Kelly being Kelly. Doing what he thought was best for her and the kids. She could never fault him for that. Now, his overprotectiveness was something else, a bone of contention for the pair from day one.
"Rough day?" Kelly asked, rubbing his wife's neck, kneading out the tightness, all those knots.
Erin relaxed in the way that only her husband could get out of her, walls down, at home with everything she needed.
As Kelly got deeper and deeper into her back, Erin got deeper into the day's events. Another scumbag to chase down and lock up. This one, a drug dealer with far reaching gang connections, looked like the last dealer who looked like the last one.
All the bad guys ran together to Kelly. He wondered how Erin could stay so motivated, the neverending pile of criminals that never seemed to go away.
As Kelly's hands went lower, easing down her hips, Erin flinched, pulling back with a small gasp.
"What?" he snapped, knowing the answer, but pulling her jeans down a little to reveal a dark purple bruise stretching across her hip. "What the hell?" he asked again.
"It's nothing, guy ran, tangled with him a little at the end. No biggie, babe. Promise." Erin stretched up to kiss Kelly on the lips. The scowl on his face was not lessening.
"What happens when you get pregnant? Hell, what if you are right now?!" The words were out before a single Severide thought had time to edit what was coming out of his mouth.
"Kelly. I'm not, okay? I wish I were, but I'm not. Take a breath…" Erin tried, feeling the knot in her stomach that said a fight was coming.
"Don't tell me to take a breath. I don't need a breath. I need you with a job that ain't gonna hurt you. That's what I need." The red in Kelly's face said the fight had arrived.
"I talked to Voight. He knows we're trying," Erin reached up to kiss Kelly again. Met with a little more response this time. "We agreed that when it happens I'm going to be on desk duty." She wasn't looking forward to it, dreading it really, but the day's incident confirmed it needed to happen.
Married with two kids Kelly calmed down. He made himself take a breath, take in all Erin was willing to sacrifice, and calmed the boiling Severide anger bubbling to the surface. "Really?" he asked cautiously, a little doubtfully.
"Yes, really. Kelly, when it happens I don't want anything to go wrong. I will do everything I can to keep our baby safe." Erin's face darkened as her thoughts trailed back to their lost baby, all the what ifs she'd have to live with for the rest of her life.
"Hey, no sad faces," Kelly softened, "I'm sorry I blew, worried like always. It kills me to see you hurt, babe." the fireman drew his wife closer, running his hands down her back again. "Get in bed. I'll be right back." He tore out of the room, returning before she even took her jeans off.
"Get in there," Kelly motioned to the bed. He pulled their biggest ice pack from behind his back.
"Mmmm, that feels so damn good," Erin purred as he gently laid it across her hip.
"Oh, and…" he reached in his pocket pulling out two ibuprofen, "take these." He brushed her hair back lightly with his hand, kissing the top of her head.
"It really looks worse than it is," Erin insisted, downing the pills. "I love you, you know?" She kissed the top of his head.
"You better, bruiser," Kelly smiled, kissing her again, this time full on the lips.
Weeks slipped by and before Erin blinked, baby Clarke was turning one. The mini-me of Jeff was about the cutest tot she'd ever seen. Blue eyes and that Clarke jaw met a shock of blonde hair to create the beautiful little one … angelic in appearance but definitely all boy. Cally had been baby busy, lending an ear to an at times despondent and at other times peaceful Erin, but her hands were more than full with her new bundle of joy who was an early walker.
Erin was happy for her best friend, but a part of her, a small part, was envious. She found herself taking solace in Kelly's best friend, who was going through the same baby making struggle.
Shay decided to pass the birthing torch to Holly if her latest try didn't work. "She's always been more welcoming to everything guy, so we're letting her do the next go 'round."
Erin could see the disappointment in the blonde's eyes, giving her the pep talk she needed. "The transfer looked good, right?" Shay perked up until Holly texted to remind her no drinking at the party, "just in case."
The paramedic and the detective were going to the huge, birthday shindig together, their significant others called away because of work. Holly had a 13-year-old patient who'd taken a turn for the worse. Kelly was back with 51's other shift, their squad's lieutenant out with a broken leg. "Just one shift," Boden had said in the way that Severide couldn't refuse.
Erin had barely given the blonde birthday boy a hug before Cally was standing before her, waiting for some bonding time with her friend, neither able to see the other much beyond work lately. The Severides in the throes of baseball season and a teen's never-ending activities; the Clarke's running on a baby schedule light on sleep and heavy on caffeine.
Cailin hooked her arm in Erin's, mouthing a "thank you" to Shay, as she led the detective to her bedroom.
"God I've missed you," Cally said flopping across her bed, face first.
Erin's hoarse laugh filled the room as she stretched out on her back, her face in front of the blonde's.
"I know, I know, we see each other every day, but we haven't just downloaded in so long. You know, talk about non-work things, baby-making things," she ventured into stepping on toes territory.
"You've been kinda busy, Cally," Erin said, her smile reflecting the love she had for her friend, not fazed by the baby comment.
"You think?" she snorted. "Uh, let me tell you that they lie. They say you'll get sleep … eventually. But it's a lie," Cailin closed her eyes wondering if her friend would mind some naptime bonding. She forced her eyes open at the sound of Erin's voice.
"Baby making still a go. We've been trying, but nothing yet." Erin didn't want to mention that she was a little late. She'd been late almost every month since going off the pill, building up her hopes, only to have them crumbling down with a negative pregnancy test.
Before Cally could respond, a soft knock came from the door, followed by Shay's voice.
"Can I come in?" she asked, barging in before anyone answered.
Cailin scooted to the edge of the bed making room for the blonde. Shay slid in, leaving Erin in the middle.
"Wasn't gonna say anything, but I'm late. That's why Holly was such a bitch about me not drinking," Shay relayed, her mouth moving so fast, the detectives weren't sure what they just heard. She'd been waiting all day to tell Kelly but he took that extra shift and ruined everything. She had to tell someone.
"You might be pregnant?" Cally asked, shooting up, now sitting on the bed.
Shay just smiled.
"C'mon. In the bathroom, NOW," commanded the blonde detective. She grabbed Erin by the hand, dragging her in too.
She rummaged through the bottom cabinet, bottles of sunscreen, lotions, and first aid elixirs flying out to the floor. "Yes!" she pronounced triumphantly, displaying two long, flat boxes, one in each hand.
Erin burst out laughing, "How many of those do you have? I thought they were pretty accurate."
"Here," Cally pulled out one of the pregnancy tests, displaying it in front of Shay like a treasured gift.
"Geez, a little privacy ladies," Leslie requested, grabbing the stick and unbuttoning her jeans.
"Really?" Cailin asked.
"Ha! Nah, just kidding," Shay dropped her pants and sat on the toilet, humming to try and relax and pee. She'd hummed about half of some unrecognizable song before the tell-tale sound of a stream began.
Erin and Cally high-fived excitedly.
"Give me one of those," Erin demanded, holding out her hand, looking down at the tile floor. She inhaled a deep breath to calm those nerves.
"You're late too?!" Shay screamed, jumping up off the seat. "Sit!" she ordered, flushing quickly.
"No looking at that yet," Cally proclaimed, snatching the stick from the other blonde's hand. "We'll look at both together," she said laughing nervously. "Hell, I might take one too!"
"What? You're late too?!" Shay screamed louder, jumping up and down.
"Just kidding, so calm the hell down. I would have to use that razor for something other than my legs if I was pregnant," Cailin replied. "Now, pee," the blonde said to Erin who was feeling dehydrated.
The brunette finally got a stream going, the stick shaking wildly underneath her. Her phone was ringing again, second time in about two minutes. She pulled it out with her free hand, still peeing, other hand holding the test.
"Kelly," she said too calmly.
"What? What?! What happened?! You're okay?" She listened some more with Shay crouching down, trying to press her ear against the phone.
"I'm on my way." Erin clicked End, pulling up her pants in one swift move. "He said he's fine. He sounded fine. He's on his way to Lakeshore, thinks he needs a 'couple' of stitches."
"I'm driving," Shay said.
"I've got shotgun," Cailin added. "Just kidding," she said rubbing Erin's arm. "He's fine. We're talking Severide, right? He probably had a can opener accident."
Shay snorted with a nervous laugh. Erin smiled weakly.
"I'll call you. It's your baby boy's first birthday," Shay said softly.
"Nope. I'm going. We have dinner with the whole Callaghan clan tomorrow, a birthday picnic with some of Clarke's Marine buddies this weekend. This kid has a month of birthday fun planned out for him."
Erin raised an eyebrow doubtfully.
"Seriously, he's ONE. He doesn't even know what all this is. Let's go, girls." Cailin said, her look indicated there would be no arguing.
Holly met the trio at the entrance, assuring Erin it was "no big deal." She led the detective back to one of the treatment bays.
Kelly's arm was bandaged in white gauze from his wrist up to his elbow. Erin rushed to his side, kissing both sides of his face before he could get a word out.
"Babe, I'm fine. I told you to stay at the party," the fireman said, so glad to be looking at the beautiful face of his wife. He knew she wouldn't stay away, and he loved her all the more for it.
"What happened? That looks like more than a couple of stitches," she said, suspicious of all that gauze.
"Stupid accident. Warehouse fire, had to slice through a metal door. Not used to working with Red shift, got our wires crossed. One of their guys thought my arm was part of the door," Kelly joked, wanting that scowl his wife was wearing gone.
A loud Shay scream rang out from behind the curtain. Erin shot up, pulling the fabric to the side in time to see the blonde fling herself in Holly's arms. The doctor twirled around and around, holding Shay so tight. The paramedic's left hand also holding something so tight, the little stick that read 'positive.'
Erin was about to answer Kelly's quizzical look, about to say, "Shay's pregnant" but she stopped herself, suddenly remembering. She slowly pulled out the now bent stick from her front pocket, staring at the object as if it were from another universe.
Her hazel eyes grew wide.
Kelly's piercing blue eyes were on her, the ones that stripped away all the built up walls. He knew what she was lookin' at. Hell, he'd been with a few women as they read the results, cheering wildly when it showed up as a big, fat NEGATIVE. Now, he was praying for the opposite.
Erin held Kelly's gaze. She smiled at how his eyes made her feel naked, they were seeing all of her, all the insecurities. But most of all, his steadfast gaze said "I got you."
He reached out with his uninjured arm, wordlessly telling her to come to him. He squeezed her hand as a few more silent seconds ticked between them. Words were running through his mind, a jumbled mess. The silence could mean only one thing.
He took the stick out of his wife's hand. It was a breath-holding moment … time stood still.
Kelly touched Erin's cheek, his hand reaching behind her head, pulling her in incredibly close. He cupped her face with one hand, the touch so gentle it was barely there. The fireman didn't bother brushing away the wetness in his eyes.
The weeks, the months of hope against hope poured out of Erin, her voice lost, eyes glistening. Kelly saw all that hope, longing, and joy in his wife's eyes. The lump in his throat swelled as he wiped her cheeks, leaving his own stained with more than a few tears.
Morning's first soft light began its climb, teetering across the ledge of the window, eventually peeking into the Severide bedroom, shining on the brunette's dark strands calling for Kelly's touch. He was up on one elbow watching his wife sleep, the rise and fall of her chest steady and strong. His eyes traveled down to her swollen belly, his hand slowly touching her stomach.
Erin was in a half-wake dreamland, grumbling a little beneath his touch.
"Ssshhhh," Kelly whispered, "sleep." He rubbed her head, smoothing back the front of her hair. His hand landed back on the baby bump, drawn to it, the warmth, the hope that it held.
For him, this moment would last forever. Kelly breathed the moment in, held onto the heartbeat he could feel, not certain if it was Erin's or the baby's, and vowed he would never let go.
Hope you liked the ending as much as I liked writing it. Love y'all for giving me such positive vibes. The words in your reviews holding their own story, one I've enjoyed reading. Let me know what you think AND what are the things you MUST see in the next, and final installment. Thanks, friends!