Finn POV
"Ok, Finn. This is a low dose, so the side effects should be fairly mild. We want to see you back in six weeks, to see if we need to adjust things and check up on how we're doing. Your mother is going to schedule you appointment with the tutor as well. Do you have any questions?"
I shook my head. In an hour or two, I would probably have a million of them, but I was in total information overload. Doctors always make me nervous, and this one was a doctor doctor and a psychologist all in one, which made her doubly scary.
The place that did my testing called Mom a few days ago to make an appointment for me to come in so we could go over the results. She didn't tell me until last night, so I couldn't sneak out of going. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to know what's wrong with me, and that I'm not just an idiot, but I didn't want to know at the same time. Ignorance is bliss. At least that's what Quinn always said.
Actually, it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The doctor basically told me the same thing that I already knew. ADD and mild dyslexia. Now I had to take medication and go to a tutor once a week to try and catch me up. It was like having to go to school after school. Also, I'm pretty sure that the tutor won't reward good grades or new skills with blow jobs like Kurt always does.
I'd say that that's pretty much a certainty.
"We'll see you in 6 weeks, then. If you experience any severe side effects, give me a call. Otherwise, good luck, Finn."
"Uh, thanks." I pressed close to Mom and wished that I was at school. She rubbed my back, which felt good, but I just wanted to leave.
Of course we couldn't because of stupid paperwork, and insurance crap, and why did doctors visits always take forever? I was never going to get back in time for third period, which meant I was going to miss Kurt.
The pharmacy was backed up, so Mom left the prescription and took me out to breakfast instead, which was kind of cool. She doesn't like making pancakes at home, since they're so much work and I can demolish a huge stack of them in less then 10 minutes. She says it just isn't worth it, except for special occasions, like my birthday or something.
Today, though, they didn't taste as good as the usually did. I had already kind of lied to Kurt about where I was going today, even though it wasn't a real lie. I was going for a check-up, but I made it sound like it was a regular check-up that you get every year, instead of…whatever this was. My crazy check-up, I guess.
"You know how much I love you, Finn." Mom wasn't eating much either.
"I know." I kind of had an idea about where this was going, but I really wanted to hear her say the words, so I didn't say anything else.
"Nothing that happened today changes that at all."
"I know."
"It's not going to change anything for Kurt either, ok?" She reached out and nudged my plate towards me. "Now eat. The doctor said you need to have food in your stomach before you take the pills."
How does she always know what I'm secretly worried about? Do you go to Mom school to learn to read minds or something? Maybe if Kurt and I had a baby, they would let one of us go to Mom school, even though we're both dudes. That would be a long time from now, though, because I'm so not ready to be a Dad yet. I would have loved Drizzle, but it's probably a good thing that she's not really mine, and that I'm not going to actually be a dad.
I poured syrup on my pancakes and made myself eat them, just so we could leave and go back to the pharmacy. If it hadn't have been for Kurt, I would have wanted to go home and sulk, but that wasn't an option right now. He needed me, so I would go to school. I just had to figure out a way to tell him everything.
Yeah, I know I should have just told him last night, when he asked. But he was having his own problems, and I was kind of afraid that he would just blow me off it I tried to bring up mine. Plus, I was uber-pissed about what Bitchy Coach Sylvester said to him. She's the reason that girls make themselves throw up, and get all gross skinny, but they still think that they're fat. She's pure evil, and her crazy ideas are half the reason that Kurt and Mercedes are fighting now.
Just half, though. Sue put the ideas in Kurt's head, but his own big mouth is the one that repeated them, so he's to blame, too. I think he's great, and I love him to pieces, but I sure don't think he's perfect. Of course he didn't tell me that it was his fault, but I've seen him in action, and I have a pretty good idea of what happened. Let me table this out for anyone who might be listening to my thoughts. Probably nobody is, but you never know. The government maybe, or a mutant like on X-men.
Mercedes calls Kurt and asked him to come over. Or he called her. Whatever, the point is someone called someone and they ended up at Mercedes' house.
She tells him that she's quitting the Cheerios. Probably in a dramatic way, because both of them are way dramatic lately.
He threw a fit. He might have started screaming then, but probably not. Usually he saves the screaming for a little later
She said something really mean.
He said something really mean.
She screamed at him. Probably the word 'jerk' was used.
He screamed at her. Probably the word 'bitch' was used. Hopefully, he didn't use the word 'fat'. I don't think he'd be that stupid, though.
He stormed out. Or maybe she kicked him out. I don't know, both make sense in my head. Either way, he was out of there.
No one said sorry, which could have stopped things right there
Which left me to clean up the mess, because Kurt kind of sucks at apologizing. Luckily, I have plenty of experience with angry girls, because Quinn and Rach were pissed with me all the time. The trick is not being above begging. Girls like to see you groveling in the dirt for them. It's humiliating, but it works.
I pushed the plate towards Mom. "Done."
"Alright. Are you sure you want to go back to school today? I'm sure your teachers will understand you wanting the rest of the day off. I could even take you to a movie." Mom was trying her best to make me feel better.
"No, it's ok. I have Glee and a test in stupid social studies. I can call you if the meds make me sick, though, right?" The doctor had said that they might make me nauseous or dizzy. She said other stuff, too, but I forgot it already.
"Somehow I doubt that either the joys of Glee or your social studies test is what you really want to get there for. Say hello to Kurt for me."
I never get away with anything when she's around. "Ok!" Sometimes it's easier to just pretend that I have no idea what someone's getting at.
It was the middle of lunch when I finally got there, and I wasn't sure where to go. Usually the Glee group all eats together, but I'm not sure if he'd go to the cafeteria if I wasn't there. He might be trying to avoid Mercedes for right now. Problem was, I didn't really know where else to look. I don't know where he ate before Glee, because I don't remember much about him before Glee. He was just that weird kid who sometimes stared at me too long.
Before I could even think about where to start looking, I heard my name being called. Oh, please God, no. I really do love Rach, even if it's not in a boyfriend way any more, but there are times when I just can't deal with her. Mostly times like now when I already feel kind of crappy about myself. She doesn't mean to, but Rachel's so good at everything that seeing her just makes me feel worse. Like I could never be good enough for her, no matte what. Kurt's good at almost everything, too, but it doesn't make me feel bad. Instead it makes me happy when I see him do things well. I know, weird, right?
"Finn!' She yelled my name louder, like I hadn't heard her the first time. I stopped, didn't I? "Finn, wait!"
I let her catch up to me, and even made myself smile. "Hey, Rach, what's up?"
She smiled, and it still made my heart catch a little bit. "I've been looking for you all day. No one's seen you."
"Yeah, I was at the doctor." The lie had been kind of hard to get out when I was telling it to Kurt, but not with her.
"Oh. I need your help with the latest Glee project. Instead of just singing the song, I want to make a glorious music video. I'm casting you to play the male lead."
Aren't you supposed to try out or, you know, at least be interested before you get cast as anything? I hate it when she tells me what I'm doing instead of asking me. On the other hand, starring in a music video does sound kind of bad-ass. But on the third hand…"Shouldn't you be asking your boyfriend to be the male lead? Isn't that what he's there for?"
For a minute, she got all flustered, which is kind of weird for her. Then she smiled at me. "Since Jessie is so new to our Glee club and how it runs things, I thought it might be nice if you helped me out this one last time. Think if it as showing him the ropes. Plus, I still want us to be friends and able to do things together. You would do it for Puck if he asked, right?"
I was still a little suspicious, but what she was saying did make sense. "Ok, I guess. What song?"
"Run, Joey, Run. It's a very misunderstood song."
Never heard of it. But I've never heard of most of what Rachel listens to, so I didn't really expect to know it. I wonder which musical this one's from? "I'll download it tonight. Uh, have you seen Kurt?"
"He was sitting in the choir room a few minutes ago when I was getting my music together. He seemed a little down, but he wouldn't tell me what the problem was. I don't think he wanted any lunch."
If she had noticed he was down, it must be pretty obvious. "Thanks, Rach."
"No problem. Start getting out song memorized tonight, please. We're on a tight schedule."
I don't like her bossing me around like that, especially since she's not my girlfriend any more, but I had more important things on my mind right now. So I just nodded at her and raced across the campus, taking all the shortcuts to get to the choir room the fastest.
The Glee club is allowed in there whenever we want to be, since we're always looking for music for our project of the week. So anyone who looked in would have just assumed that Kurt was looking for some music. But you know what they say about assuming, and he definitely wasn't. He was just sitting on the risers and looking sad. I knocked on the doorway so I wouldn't scare him. "Hey, Spider Monkey."
Good thing I closed the door behind me, because he was racing across the room and in my arms almost before I had all the words out. He was actually shaking, and, for a minute, I hated Mercedes really bad. Even though I know it's half his fault, I can't stand seeing him so sad. I squeezed him so tightly that I was kinda surprised that I didn't break him. "Apologizing didn't go so good?"
By the way, I know that I should have said 'well' instead of 'good'. But it makes Kurt smile and feel like he's showing me something new when he corrects me, and I would much rather hear the correction then have him start sobbing, which was what it looked like he was going to do.
But he didn't do either one. His eyes welled up, but he didn't make any noise. I
wiped the tears quickly, before they could make tracks down his face. He also didn't tell me the right way to say it, which meant he was really feeling bad. He just sort of shrugged.
I just stood there and let him hide his face in my chest. When he wanted to tell me what was wrong, he would. Until then, it was ok just to be quiet for a while. I rubbed his back and stared at the wall until it seemed to sway under its own power. Finally Kurt drew back and stared hollowly at me. "She's not speaking to me. I called her last night and she wouldn't even pick up the phone. I tried calling again this morning, and she hit ignore after two rings."
"Did you try talking to her face to face?" That might or might not be a good idea. Sometimes it works, but sometimes all that it does is make the other person scream at you in front of everyone.
"No. I didn't know what to say." It's kind of weird when Kurt doesn't have the right answers. Usually I'm the one begging him for advice, and I didn't want to screw this up now that it was my turn.
When the idea finally hit me, I was shocked at my own genius. I slid my hand under Kurt's chin and tugged his head up so we could be face to face. "Use Tina."
This time he wiped his own eyes, looking confused. It might have been the most adorable thing I've ever seen him do. This week, at least. "Explain yourself?"
"Look, Tina's just like the middle man here! She's Mercedes' best friend. Well, best friend after you, even if she's kind of forgetting the two of you are best friends right now. But anyway, you did all your bitching to me, so Mercedes probably did all of hers to Tina. If you can get in there, you might be able to get an idea about what you should do." Hopefully he thought that this plan was a smart as I did.
"That's….actually, that's a really good idea, Finn. You know, you're really smart when you actually try at it."
He had no idea how badly I needed to hear those words. "Thanks."
"So, are you ready to tell me where you were this morning? I don't believe that you were getting a check-up."
I liked that he asked if I was ready, and didn't just assume that I would tell him. It also made me realize that Rachel hadn't asked about the doctor visit at all. "Yeah, um, I'm ready."
Even though Mom had said that it wouldn't matter to him, and I totally believed her, I couldn't help but be a little worried. Ok, a lot worried. "The doctor called back and wanted to give me the diagnosis."
He was instantly focused, studying me like a dog that sees a steak. It was a little scary, to be honest. "What did they say?"
"Dyslexia, but not too bad. ADD, but they didn't say how bad. They put me on medication for right now, but that's just to start out. If I do really well with a tutor and stuff, I might be able to quit taking it. Do you still love me?" The last part sounded all desperate, and I would totally rip on any other dude who sounded like that. Good thing Kurt's a nicer person then I am.
"Of course I still love you! Finn, you do understand that this is a good thing instead of a bad one, right?" When I didn't say anything, he gave me a quick poke. "Right?"
"Um…yeah?"
Um, how about no? The only way this is a good thing, is now he has an excuse to dump your sorry ass.
Sometimes Quinn voice is just like real Quinn. She knows exactly how to really dig the knife in. Plus, since she's just a voice in my head, she can read my thoughts, which is really, really scary.
"Good, because it is. Now that we know what the problems are, we can take the first steps towards fixing them. Tell me exactly what sort of treatment plan the doctors laid out." He was already rummaging through his messenger bag (it's not a man purse, and if you call it one, you won't get any for at least a week. Not even a hand job.) and pulling out pen and paper. "Ok, I'm ready."
It's probably a really good thing that Kurt's so in love with fashion and stuff. Because he can plan things out better then anyone I've ever met. If he decided to take over the world one day? We'd all be doomed. Well moisturized and really dressed up, but doomed.
I thought back, trying to remember exactly what the doctors had said. "There isn't medication for the dyslexia, so I have to start seeing a tutor for that. I see her starting Thursday. I don't know what I'm supposed to do there because they didn't say."
"Right." He quickly jotted down. DYLEXIA- THERAPIES? AFTER SCHOOL TUTORING. "Ok, what did they say about the ADD? Did they put you on Ritalin?
"No, it's something with an S. Star….stran…hang on, I have the bottle." I fished around until I found it in the bottom of my backpack. "Strattera."
"Hmmm, not familiar with that one." He took the bottle and quickly wrote down the name.
That's one of the really cool things about Kurt. No, he's never heard of it, but by the time schools out, he's going to know more about it then most doctors. 'Yeah. The doctor said that it won't make me hyper like Ritalin might, since I'm not hyper now."
"Did he say 'non-stimulant'? What about side effects, and how long before we start to see some effects?" He was already noting the dosage and how many times I day I was supposed to take them.
Actually, the doctor had used that term. "Yeah, he did. Um, side effects are being sleepy, being nauseous, dizzy, headaches… some more but I can't remember them. A few days to see any change." I was pleased that I was able to answer all of his questions.
"Good, good." He finished with his notes, which looked perfect by the way. If I were writing like that, it would be messiness all over the paper, but when Kurt does it, it looks just like he typed them with fancy font. He stood up and gave me a huge hug, his arms wound all the way around my body. "I love you, alright? Don't go thinking that this changes anything, or that you aren't good enough for me, because you are."
"I know. I didn't exactly believe him, but I did believe that he thought he was telling the truth, and it helped. Now was a good time to change the subject, since everyone was happy. "Do you know the song "Run, Joey, Run?"
He cracked up. "Finn, that is the worst song in the entire world! Trust me; there is not one iota of redeeming value in that travesty. I thought you were going to do Disney."
I didn't want to tell on Rachel, since half the fun of Glee is seeing what everyone else comes up with. Anyway, a music video was the most awesome idea ever, even if the song completely sucked. "I am doing Disney. I was just curious, because…" I stopped there because I couldn't think of a lie that he wouldn't totally know was a lie. "I don't know why."
"Ok." He was making that face that said he thought I might be crazy, but I let it go. So what it if he thinks I'm kind of crazy? At least he loves me. I leaned down so I could kiss him. I meant for it to just be a quick peck, but then he licked my lips and I just decided to go with it.
Even when I'm right in the middle of making out with Kurt, no matter how hot and heavy things are, there's always a part of me that's aware of all the doors in the room, just so no one walks in on us. Really, it would be smarter if we quit making out at school, but have you seen Kurt? Not making out with him would be like not playing Halo just because there was homework to be done. Yeah, you could, but you'd have to be really, really, stupid.
Good thing, too, because he totally didn't hear the click of the doorknob turning and I had to push him back quickly. Luckily it was just Mr. Shue, though. He gave us a look that said he knew what we had been doing, but he had more important things on his mind. "Hey, Finn. I missed you in Spanish today."
"Yeah, I was at the doctors. I just got here." I hate that I'm still so do everything I can so he doesn't think bad things about me. He fucked me over in the worst way possible, but I still act like a little kid desperate for his fathers love.
"Are you ok?" He sounded like he actually cared, which made me feel a little better. I wasn't ready to tell him the truth, though, so I just shrugged and mumbled that I was fine. He held out a hand. "Come on, Finn. I'm talking to everyone individually about this Glist."
Great, he thought I was the one who did it. But if I refused to go, I looked even worse. Better to just do what he wanted and get it over with. Kurt growled behind me and hissed 'fascist'. Then he got a little louder. "You know, Finn, you don't have to do go. You have the right to have both your mother and Principal Figgins present for any disciplinary meeting."
I love Kurt, but sometimes he needs to just go with the flow and quit fighting with everyone about everything. Yeah, I might have the right to have Mom there, but what was the point? This wasn't really even discipline, just Mr. Shue asking some questions. If I just got it over with, it would probably take five minutes. "Its fine, Kurt. I'll see you after school."
He gave me a dirty look, and I knew that I was going to hear about this later, probably for a long time. "I have Cheerios practice, so you either need to get a ride from someone else or wait until I'm done."
"I'll wait. Mom's working late, so we can hang out and study." By study, I meant have sex, and I knew he would get that.
Sure enough, he got it and gave me that smirky grin. "I'll text you when I'm done."
I followed Mr. Shue into his office and sat down in the chair. I already felt guilty, which was stupid, because I hadn't done anything. He sat across from me. "Finn, is there something you want to tell me about this Glist?"
"No." Sometimes it's better to say less. That way there's less to trip you up later on.
"Nothing? Look, Finn. I know that you're still very angry with Quinn about the whole baby thing, and she's the first person on the list. I could see where you might want to take a little bit of revenge."
Yeah, I was still angry with Quinn. Not as angry as I had been, but I can't see myself ever forgiving her. "I am, but I didn't make the list."
He gave me the 'I know that you're lying to me, young man' look that Mom's so good at, and that kind of hurt my feelings. "I didn't! Look, I know I have a mean temper sometimes, and I kick chairs a lot, but I don't didn't make the Glist, I swear. It was probably Coach Sylvester or Jessie." If he hadn't accused me, I would have probably told him my theory that it could only be someone inside of the Glee club. But if he wanted to act like a jerk, he could just figure it out for himself.
"Wait, who's Jessie?"
Like I've said before, I don't like tattling on other people. So I didn't do what I really wanted to, which was that Jessie was an evil spy who was going to try and bring down the Glee club. He could figure that out for himself, too. "Rachel's new boyfriend. He was in the room today."
He rubbed his forehead tiredly. "Ok, Finn, I believe you."
I think he actually did. "Cool"
"Just so we're clear, I'm not picking on you. I'm going to be speaking to every member of the club. I just happened to see you first."
Yeah, I got that. He wasn't persecuting (prosecuting? At any rate, picking on) me. But my feelings were kind of raw, and it hurt anyway. "Ok."
"Alright. Have you picked your song for this week's assignment?" He was doing that false perky thing.
I hate that things are all weird between us now. Before I would have told him what I was doing before he even had a chance to ask. But ever since I found out the truth, it's like there's this little wall between us made of bullet proof glass. Yeah, I can see him, but there's no getting past it.
It's the same way with Puck. He's my best friend (except for Kurt, but he's my boyfriend mostly, so that doesn't really count), but sometimes I still get mad about the whole Quinn thing. I'm not as mad at him as I am at Mr. Shue, mostly because he kind of saved my life that one night, but it's hard to make things be back the way they were. Maybe impossible.
Nothing gold can stay. Now, I'll give you $1000 if you can tell me who wrote that. Yeah, didn't think so.
I ignored her, since that's the one thing that always pissed real Quinn off the most. "I'm doing Disney. I'm not sure what song, though."
"That's a really great idea. Do you need any help choosing the song?"
"Nah, it's cool. I'll know it when I see it." I already had so many ideas that I just needed to narrow them down.
"Wonderful. I'm really looking forward to your performance, Finn. If Kurt's still out there, can you send him in?"
He sounded a little nervous, and I didn't blame him. Kurt's looking for a fight today, and Mr. Shue's always in his line of fire, ever since that stupid Diva-off between him and Rachel. I don't really get it. Kurt lost, Rachel got the part. Kurt lost on purpose even, so how's it Mr. Shue's fault? I don't ask though, because I don't want to get my ass kicked. "Sure. I'll see you later."
Kurt was still waiting, so I gave him the message. Just like I expected, he snorted and tossed his hair, but he did stand up and go. I couldn't let him leave mad, so I gave him one last kiss until later today. Then another one. I would have made it a hat trick, but he shook his head. "I have to go face the firing squad. See you after practice."
"Bye. Love you." Then he was gone in a cloud of hairspray.
My next class was social studies, which was all the way on the other end of the building. Since I hate having to run, I decided to go over there a little early. Yeah, suddenly I'm that guy.
"Oh, Finn, there you are!" It was Rachel, again. She's not even my girlfriend any more, so why is she back to stalking me?
I forced a big smile. "Hey, Rach. What's up?"
She held out her iPod. "I want to start filming tomorrow, so I need you to have the male vocals memorized by then."
"Sorry, no can do. I'm taking Kurt home and having wild monkey sex with him after school." Usually the girl will leave you alone if you're gross enough.
Only Rachel isn't any normal girl. She didn't even blink when I said that. "Fine. I happen to know for a fact that he has Cheerios practice after school today, since Santana and Brittany have the same thing. So memorize the first two verses and meet me in the auditorium after school. We need to start blocking you. That should be enough. If I need more, I'll let you know."
Did that mean she thought I was too dumb to memorize all of the verses? Or did it mean…yeah, I had no idea what else it could mean. "Um, ok."
"Great. You have a black leather jacket, right? I'm pretty sure I saw you wear one at Sectionals."
See what I mean about stalking? "I do, but it's my Dad's. Nothing's going to happen to it, right?" I wouldn't put it past her to light it (or me) on fire in the name of being artistic.
"I promise, no harm will come to your jacket. I'm going to guess you also have dark blue jeans and a clean plain white T-shirt? Because it will save me some time on costuming."
Costuming? Damn, no wonder Rachel got straight A's on everything. I never thought about things like costumes. I took the iPod, which was one of those shuffle things that I always thought that I might break if I squeezed it too hard. Or at all.
I put the earbuds in right away so I could listen to the song. Then I listened to it again. And again. Kurt was right, this song was horrible. But maybe she could get Quinn's Dad to be the mean father. He always looked at me like he wanted to use a shotgun on me. Which was funny, because I wasn't even the one he needed to worry about.
I kind of worry about what's going to happen when he finds out about Drizzle, though. I probably shouldn't say this, since he's an adult and all, but that man is a grade A asshole. Quinn's scared of him, her Mom's scared of him, and I was definitely scared of him. I wouldn't want to be in Puck's shoes when the truth comes out.
Even though I know that none of that's my problem, and Drizzle especially isn't, I still feel like she is sometimes. I loved her, and I still want her to have everything be perfect for her.
But I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her, or any of the whole Baby-gate drama. I was supposed to be memorizing lyrics, which was luckily pretty easy. And the song was kind of catchy, once you got over the badness of it. By the time the bell rang, I had both verses down and had passed Rachel's iPod back.
I was kind of hoping that the pill I took would have some effect by the time I was done with class. I'm actually not that close to failing this one, but math comes next, and that's my worst one ever.
Only it turned out that I maybe should have been careful what I wished for, because it turned out the pill was having an effect. Unfortunately the only thing that was happening was I got so dizzy when I stood up that I fell over and almost hit the ground.
"Walk much, fag?" Azimio bumped me hard, which made me go even further off balance.
"Nah, he's too busy getting on his knees." Now Karofsky was in on the teasing.
"True. He probably can't lift his fat ass off the ground." They were already moving away from me, though, because Ms. Summers was glaring at them.
Anyway, I do not have a fat ass! I just have a big build and a big body to go along with it. Most of the time I feel ok about my body, even if it's not as great as Puck's, but all of this weird Kurt and Mercedes and Coach Sylvester stuff is kind of getting me confused again.
Most of the time it's better to just ignore them, though. If they don't get the reaction they want, they give up and leave you alone. I took a few deep breaths to make the room quit spinning like it was, and tried standing up again. It was a little better this time, but mostly because I was ready. Fan-fucking-tastic.
The dizziness kind of came and went for the rest of the day. It wasn't too bad when I was sitting down, but when I was walking and especially when I stood up or sat down it was pretty horrible. My stomach also wasn't feeling that great. I thought about the syrup drenched pancakes from this morning, and then decided really quick that I probably shouldn't think about them any more. Also, I maybe shouldn't ever eat again.
Luckily, I made it to the auditorium without A) falling down and embarrassing myself or 2) meeting up with the hockey team again. Why does our school even have a hockey team? It's not like they win anything. Of course, I guess our football team doesn't win much either.
Mr. Shue was in the auditorium when I got there, pretending he was listening to Rachel, who was doing that chick-batty thing where she makes a lot of noise and gestures, but doesn't say much. They were too busy to notice me, so I sat down in one of the theater chairs, happy for a chance to sit down before I fell over. I closed my eyes and just listened to Rachel's voice fading in and out. "Taking it to the next level…visual as well as auditory….highly experimental…a new direction…"
In the end, Mr. Shuester agreed, but probably only to shut her up. I get it; I used to do the same thing. That was when the both noticed me. Rachel gave one of those manic squeals. "You're here! Ok, I'll cue up the music and you get up on stage. I'm thinking I'm going to film using the school hallways, but that's still undecided. We'll practice in here."
"Yeah, great." Since I'm not her boyfriend any more, and I'm definitely not trying to get in her pants (or up her skirt), I don't have to pretend to be excited about everything she does. I waited until she turned around and heaved myself to my feet, bracing for the wave of dizziness that seemed to be getting worse instead of better.
A hand grabbed my arm to keep me upright, and I jumped about a million miles in the air. "Woah, Finn." Mr. Shue let go as soon as I was steady, since I think there's some kind of rule about not touching the students, especially since Mr. Ryerson is creepying around the school again. "Are you feeling alright?"
I kind of wanted to tell him everything, but then I kind of didn't, so I just shrugged it off. "Yeah, I just got a little dizzy, that's all."
"Don't let Rachel work you too hard, then. She's the most driven girl, but she doesn't always know when to stop." He patted my shoulder once more and left me alone with the she-beast.
I know, it's not a nice thing to call Rachel, but have you seen the way she gets when she wants something? It's fucking scary. I would feel really bad for Jessie, since he clearly has no idea what he's getting in to, but it's hard to feel bad for a guy you hate because he's an evil spy.
"Come on, Finn! We don't have all day, and I need to decide which verses I want to use you for. Did you get the whole song memorized?"
See what I mean about her being scary intense? "Yeah, I got it." I'm pretty sure I'm going to be hearing the chorus in the back of my brain for the next week, but I didn't tell her that. "How come I'm only going to be doing some of the verses? Why not the whole song?"
She blinked real fast, like she didn't expect me to ask that. "Well….because I didn't plan on using the entire song. We usually just sing about half in Glee. Since you're the first one cast, I want to see which verses you're the strongest on. Besides, most of the lyrics will be mine anyway, since it's my assignment, silly."
Why is it that when Rachel calls me 'silly', I actually hear 'stupid'? Yeah, I know that she probably won't end up using the whole song, but doesn't it make sense to just film the whole thing and use the best parts later? And the song is a story, anyway, and no one understands a story that starts in the middle.
But this was her thing, so I just nodded and shrugged. "Ok, who else did you cast? I mean, I'm Joey, and you're the girl, who else do you need?"
"Santana and Brittany have agreed to be the angels-Finn, stop laughing!" Only she was smiling a little, too, so she must have thought that Santana as an angel was at least a little funny. Brit would be a good angel, since she's so pretty and nice, but Santana would be more on a dirty angel. Like the kind that stripped or something.
I decided to not think about Santana on a pole, so I wouldn't end up embarrassing myself. Yeah, I'm totally with Kurt now, but that doesn't mean I don't know what hot chicks look like any more. It just means don't drool and don't touch and I probably shouldn't think about them on stripper poles either. Hey, it's the same thing as when Kurt spent two hours staring at Hugh Jackman during X-men.
Rachel made me sing through the entire song three or four times before deciding on the first verse, then the last one, and all of the choruses. It still seemed weird to me, but whatever. Things were actually going pretty well between Rachel and I right now, and I didn't want to do anything that might mess it up. She's not getting all flirty with me, and I'm not rubbing it in her face that I'm hooking up with a guy she hates. It works for us.
At least it did until she started trying to direct me on the choreography. I hate dancing, and I suck at dancing, period. Rachel knows that. She also knows that standing me up on stage and yelling directions at me doesn't do jack shit to fix it. Fuck, I have enough trouble with left and right as it is, and she has to go and make it more confusing. Apparently stage left is the opposite of regular left, which should make it right, but that's wrong. Are you confused yet? Because I am.
Finally I sat down hard on the edge of the stage and crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you want to direct me, or do you just want to scream? Because if I wanted to hear a chick screaming, I would go watch the Cheerio's practice. At least then I could stare at Kurt."
She gave me the dirtiest look ever, but I held my ground. It's been explained to me (three guesses as to who was brave enough to try it) that when I scream and throw or kick things that it just makes me easier to control because I'm not thinking. Staying calm makes me harder to manipulate.
Of course this all came from a man who likes to do his manipulating by kissing right under my ear. When he's feeling really manipulative, he does it by putting his hand down my pants.
God, I love it when he's in a really manipulative mood.
Funny enough, staying calm actually worked with Rachel. She sat down in the front row and nodded. "Ok, I think maybe we should wait until I have all of the choreography sorted out. Clearly I'm confusing both of us."
No, just me, but I do know enough to know that she's holding out an olive oil branch so I nodded. "That would be good."
"Good." She patted the seat next to her. "Let's iron out the costuming and filming details."
I would honestly rather sit through one of Kurt's musical marathons then do this. Details aren't my thing. I had already agreed to this, so all I wanted to do was show up and do whatever she thought was best. That way, if it sucked it wasn't my fault, and if it was awesome, well, I wouldn't have gotten any credit anyway, so what did it matter?
Luckily, I was saved after only about 15 minutes by Kurt's text. WHERE ARE YOU? IM READY TO GO.
"Sorry, Rach, I gotta go. Kurt just texted." I grabbed my bag and stood up as slowly as possible. I was a little less dizzy this time, so that was good, right?
She gave me a long look that went back and forth between sad and something I couldn't quite get. "He's the one, isn't he?"
Yes. I would climb mountains and jump off cliffs and sing love songs in the middle of the cafeteria for Kurt, and I would never think twice about it. But that was a private thing for just him and me, so I settled for doing a half shrug half nod thing. Plus, I didn't want her to feel like it was a competition between her and Kurt, even though it kind of always is.
"I'm happy for you." She was sad when she said it, so I didn't ask if Jesse was the one for her. If he was, she probably would have said it by now. But, then again, she's only been going out with him for a few weeks. I wasn't really sure about Kurt after that long. My body was, but my heart took a little while longer to come around.
"Can you come over during your study hall tomorrow? I know you, Finn, and I know that you aren't really studying."
Yeah, it was true, but that kind of stung anyway. "I guess."
I know that she noticed my lack of enthusiasm, but she pushed on anyway. "Great! It was a lot of fun working with you again, Finn."
"Yeah." Sometimes I can't tell if she's just being nice or if she's kind of flirting with me again. Both of them are creepy. The flirting is because she has a boyfriend and she knows I have Kurt. The just being nice thing is creepy too, because I have trouble trusting that she doesn't have some secret plan to screw me over. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Kurt and I met up at his car, and I wanted to kiss him about a million times. But I didn't, because I can't do that in public yet. The Glee club isn't public, though, even though I would say it is. The rules are a little confusing at times. I kind of want to be able to just do it whenever we want, but kind of not at the same time. It's weird.
He did give me a very quick kiss on the cheek. "So, your place or mine?"
"Mine." Mom wasn't going to be home, and there's nothing hotter to me then seeing Kurt naked in my bed.
"And just what do you plan on doing to me once we're there?" He had put his mirrored sunglasses on, so I couldn't see his eyes at all. What was I supposed to say?
"I have left over chocolate from last night and Mom isn't coming home until 10. I'll think of something." What I really wanted to do was tell him that he wouldn't walk for a week, but that would be crude.
"Holding you to it." He grinned at me, and I knew that I was in. Today might not totally suck after all.