Finn POV
I really need to make things right with Kurt today. I kind of fucked up and hurt his feelings yesterday, and I feel terrible about it. I mean, Burt's the one who told me that Kurt didn't want to go to the game, but he could have mentioned that he didn't bother asking him! He would have said no, because I know Kurt and he hates sports of all kinds, especially the ones you need to go outside to watch, but it doesn't really matter. I couldn't even enjoy that game at all, because I kept seeing Kurt's face when he found out that I was going and he wasn't. It was worse then when Rachel found out she didn't have a voice.
So I'm making sure that I'm doing everything right. Healthy breakfast, with extra cut up fruit for Kurt. I put on a button up shirt that he says looks good on me, and jeans that have no holes in them. I even fixed my hair the way he likes it instead of just running my hands through it a few times and calling it good. I was all ready for a pretty hard groveling session.
Kurt was late today, which was kind of weird. He's usually all anal (hee-hee) about being on time. He says it's something that a gentleman does, and I could take a lesson. Hey, I'm better then I used to be, especially since I got rid of the digital watch that I could never read right. The regular one with hands is much easier.
Once he got to ten minutes, I tried calling. Maybe he overslept or got into an accident or something. Or, knowing Kurt, he's still in his bathroom fixing his hair. I don't know how he does that, since it's not like it's actually long, but he does it.
You want to know a little secret? I love it when he does things like that. I love it when he does things like that. No matter how many times I tell him to hurry up and that he looks fine the way he is, he never listens to me. It's awesome that he does his own thing and doesn't let anyone push him around. Plus? He looks really good when he's done, and it's kind of an ego boost when I'm out with a really hot guy. Even if he doesn't think he's hot at all, goofy thing.
"Hello?" The voice was so strange that, for a minute, I didn't think I was actually talking to Kurt. His voice was all scratchy and low, like he was sick or something. "Finn?"
"Yeah, it's me. Are you sick? You sound really strange."
Smooth, Finn. Really, really, smooth.
Yeah, I could have probably said that a little nicer. But I was worried about him! If he was sick, he needed to be at home resting, not picking me up for school. I would totally come over later and be his naughty nurse. Except if he was puking. Then I would just bring him some sprite.
"I'm not sick. Why would you think that I'm sick?" He was bitchy all of the sudden, which is the way he's been for the past few weeks. If he were a chick I'd say he was on the rag, but it must just be mood swings.
"Your voice sounds kind of scratchy. But if you say you're alright, it must be a bad connection." Ok, this was…peculiar. That's a Kurt word, by the way. It means strange.
"It must be. I'm turning onto your street now, so I'll see you in a few minutes."
"I love you." I'm not sure why I felt like I had to blurt that out, but I did. It's not that it's not true, but I don't usually say it all the time like this.
"I love you, too." The funny thing was, his voice went totally back to normal when he said that.
I still wanted to impress him, but now I was kind of worried. As soon as I saw the car, I jumped off the porch and raced over. "Hey, Baby, how are you-"I stopped there, because I had no idea who was sitting behind the wheel of Kurt's Navigator. "Kurt?"
"Who else would it be?" Not only was he doing that voice thing again, but he was dressed like….like….
"Kurt? Why are you wearing your father's clothes?" I tried to say it very calmly, and not at all like I actually thought that he might be possessed by a pod person. Or a zombie.
"Certain recent events have led me to realize that it's time to make a few changes in my life. And I'll have you know, that these are your clothes, not my fathers." He sat back, like he expected me to say something.
Normally, the thought of Kurt in my clothes is like the hottest thing ever, but this was so incredibly creepy that I lost my train of thought. "Uh, why do you want to change into my clothes? What was wrong with your own clothes?" Clothes that cost more per week then some people made in a month.
"Everything." He said that part kind of soft, like I wasn't supposed to hear it. Then he got louder. "Why? Don't you like what I'm wearing?"
That was a trick question. If I said yes, then I was a liar, and he would know that I was a liar because I suck at it. If I said no, then I was an asshole who didn't support him. If I asked him if he had hit his head really hard last night, then I was slime. Ok, Finn, think fast.
"I always like what you're wearing. It's just a little, uh, different for you, that's all." Why couldn't I get my stupid mouth to say the right things?
I don't think that there are any right things at the moment.
"Well, I like it." His words said that, but his voice said that he hated it.
"If you like it, I like it. Here, I brought you a fruit cup." I held it out, like I could fix all of this with some strawberries and grapes.
"Thanks, but I'm really hungry this morning. How about we stop at McDonalds instead?"
Pod person! Pod person! Pod person! My Kurt would never, every want to stop at McDonalds. He won't even kiss me after I've eaten it, because he says that the carcinogens (I don't know what those are, but he makes them sound bad) will transfer from my body to his. Now he suddenly wanted to go? No way.
I wanted to lean over and shake him until he started acting like himself again, but I couldn't. Whatever the problem is, it's not something that I can fix now, on the ride to school. "I already ate."
"Then I'll just get myself something." He was doing this thing with his shoulders that I didn't really like either. He had them pulled all the way back, and I knew that when he stood up and walked, he would be swaggering like one of the hockey players. I don't say this very often, but I think its good here: what the fuck?
My jaw dropped even further when he ordered. Coke, egg McMuffin with bacon, 2 hash browns. You know, those things that he calls The Tooth Rotter, Slime on a Biscuit and Grease Droppings. Al least he used to. Now he was eating and drinking them like they were delicious.
I don't want to be the one to tell him this, especially since I was getting a little scared of him, but he is going to be really sick. Even I get sick from eating too much greasy stuff at once, and I don't eat as healthy as he does. I tried to think of something to say that wouldn't sound too stupid or judgmental. "So, did you pick your song for Glee? I'm not really sure what I'm doing."
He nodded. "I'm doing John Mellencamp."
That was when it clicked for me. Kurt hates John Mellencamp. He won't even let me play the radio stations where his music, or music like it, might come on. He likes Broadway and new stuff, and whatever the hell you call that Lady Gaga guy. I don't mind that sort of music, even though it isn't my favorite, but it's just easier to give Kurt his way on this one.
But you know who likes Mellencamp? Burt does. I know, because he makes me listen to it sometimes when we go places. Kurt was wearing clothes like his fathers, listening to music like his father, and even trying to talk like his father. This was a big old Daddy issue.
So, the good news is that he doesn't have a brain tumor and that he hasn't been bitten by a zombie. No chemotherapy and I won't have to end up cutting his head off. This is something fixable. The bad news is, I have no idea how to deal with it.
I've been working on slowing down and thinking before I speak, so I didn't loudly tell him he was acting like a huge idiot. Especially since he kind of looked like one, too. I love the way Kurt usually dresses. It's fun and sexy and looks exactly like him. This? It made him look like a Stepford wife. And not the hot Nicole Kidman type either.
Plus, he looked miserable. I don't think he meant to do it, but he kept picking at his flannel shirt, like it was giving him a rash or something. I like the way flannel looks, at least on me, but it's not the most comfortable fabric. I usually wear a T-shirt underneath. Not to mention the evil face he kept making every time he saw himself in the rearview mirror.
"Um, cool. Which song?" It was a total stall, but I couldn't think of anything better.
"That's currently undecided. Do you have any suggestions?" He looked in his McDonalds bag and cringed.
Look, I know Kurt. He might be taking a little side trip to crazy town, but that doesn't change who he really is. He doesn't want that food. But he's got way too much pride to throw it away in front of me. He'll eat it even if he ends up choking on it. So I gave him an easy out. "I don't know, why don't you let me think about it and get back to you at lunch. Speaking of food, can I have some of that?"
He's too smart not to know that I was only offering so he wouldn't humiliate himself, but, for once, he just took it without comment. "Here. You can have one of the hash browns and half the McMuffin."
"You spoil me. How about a few sips of the Coke, too?" No point in letting good caffeine go to waste.
I ended up eating most of the meal. Usually it wouldn't be a big deal, but my stomach was already in knots from being worried, and I had already eaten a big breakfast, so I wasn't feeling too well either.
The walk to Kurt's first period was very quiet. He was too busy swaggering (I told you so) down the hallway to say much, and I didn't want to set off the nuclear bomb that I was sure was coming. Once we got to the room, I gave his back a quick pat and told him I would see him at lunch. He nodded at me, and even that was different. Usually he nods gently, like he does everything else. This was a quick jerk of his head, like he wasn't even listening to me.
Not much happens in Lima, Ohio, so the gayest kid in school becoming the butchest kid in school was all anyone could talk about. Theories ranged from him finally growing a cock to his father telling him to man up (way past when he should have, if you believed them), to him nailing a chick and figuring out that being gay was a total choice and he didn't want it. Of course, I knew that he had always had a cock, Burt didn't care, and the only one he was nailing was me, but I just shrugged when people asked me. It was between me and him.
At least until Mercedes showed up. I might be 6'3 and outweigh her, but even I know better then to talk back to her. She's scary when she's mad. So I let her grab me by the arm and drag me into the choir room. By the way? I could have done without a bunch of other guys hissing and making 'whipped' gestures with their hands. Since I'm not with Quinn and not with Rachel, I can't even look at a girl without people claiming that we're together. People would die if they knew the truth.
No, they would make you die. Or, worse, Kurt.
I didn't think so. True, this school is full of assholes and jerks. They like to tease, and they like to throw slushies. They might even get a little rough at times. But kill someone? No way. That sort of stuff happened in the movies, but not in real life.
You're very naïve, Finn. How do you think I was able to fool you for so long? Just what exactly do you think those movies are based on? Real life.
Kurt's told me, but I can never remember what naïve means. I know it's not the same as stupid, but its kind of close. Naïve, naïve, naïve-
I was so focused on trying to remember the word (and feeling it slip further and further away from me) that I missed what Mercedes was saying until she smacked me on the chest. "Finn! Pay attention!"
"I am!" She gave me the evil eye, and I had to backtrack. "Ok, now I am. Why are you all pissed of at me?"
"What in the hell did you do to Kurt! He looks like a….a…." She flapped her hands, trying to figure out the word.
The word 'lesbian' came to mind, but I would never say it out loud, because it was cruel. So I went with the less offensive option. "Invasion of the body snatchers?"
"Yeah. Did you say something to him? He looks like a freak!" Naturally, this was all my fault. Hello, I might be the boyfriend here, but Kurt has other people in his life! This one was all Burt.
But I didn't say that, not even to Mercedes. If Kurt wants to tell her, great. If not, then I shouldn't either. "I didn't say anything to him! He just showed up to get me looking like, you know, that. Have you heard him talk yet? He's making his voice all deep and shit."
"He wants to be more of a boy." She said it slowly, as if she was just now getting it.
I had never thought of that, but I felt like I had to defend Kurt. "He is a boy! Trust me, I've seen way more of him then you have."
"I do not need to hear about your sex life. I know that Kurt's a boy, and you know that Kurt's a boy, but you have to admit that he's not the typical sort of boy. Maybe he feels like he should be."
I wanted to defend Kurt, but there's wasn't much for me to say. She was right. Kurt isn't like other boys. I thought that he was great the way he was. Different wasn't always bad, Glee club taught us that. "I don't want him to be that type of boy. I want him to be his own type of boy. But if I say that, he'll get pissed off at me because I'm not supporting him or something."
"Well you need to do something! My boy can not pull off the jock look."
Yes he could. Kurt looked great in his football uniform, even though he was small and skinny. He can wear whatever he wants and look great when he wants to. Which is how I know that he's miserable now. He could rock the flannel if he put some effort in, but he didn't. "I'll do something, I promise."
I just didn't know what. She wanted me to tell him to snap out of it, but my heart said that that was wrong. I don't think I should just ignore it either, because he's doing this for attention, and I don't want him to get even worse because no one is noticing him.
There isn't really anyone else to ask, either. No one really knows Kurt, not even me. Mercedes knows part of him, and Burt knows part of him, and I know the biggest part of him, but not everything. Mercedes thought I should do one thing, and I thought I should do something else. I guess I could ask Burt, but he'll probably tell me to do something else. Then I'll have three choices, and maybe none of them will be right.
What I really needed was someone who wasn't part of this at all. Having someone that's out outside of all the bullshit and can look at the situation objectivityly. Like Mr. Shue did for me what I found out that Quinn was pregnant. He didn't scream and he didn't tell me that I was crazy. He just calmed me down and told me what my options were. I didn't like all of them, but I did appreciate that he gave them to me.
But who wasn't involved in this? Before she started dating Burt, I might have asked Mom, but now she knows Kurt and she's involved, too. Mercedes already gave me her opinion. Normally, I would ask Rachel, because she's good at telling other people what to do, but she's kind of got her own problems right now. Plus I 'm still kind of not speaking to her after the whole 'Run Joey, Run' thing and the fact that she ratted me out for not participating in Glee. I'm not close enough to the rest of the Glee club to want to talk about this to them. Burt's way out, because this is kind of his fault, and I don't have any other friends left.
It wasn't until almost lunch that I thought of my brilliant idea. Fretter! He was a super genius like Kurt, he's out of the situation, and he's really good at solving my problems! It's like a hat trick.
The problem was getting a hold of him. Since he can't really move, it's not as easy as just calling and asking if he wanted to hang out. I have to call and leave a message, which makes a button in his room light up. Then he calls his mother or his nurse, and they set up the thing that lets him talk on the phone and he calls me back. It all took a while, so I was going to either have to miss lunch or call after school. I didn't really want lunch, especially since that McDonalds wasn't exactly sitting right, but I would miss Kurt if I skipped it. With the way he's acting right now, I don't think that leaving him alone is the best idea. But if I waited until after school, I might not get to talk to Sean today at all. I hate having to make hard decisions.
Finally I decided to make a quick call, and tell him to call me back right at 11. That way I could still talk to him, but would have enough time left over to see Kurt as well. It rang though to a message, just like I thought it would. Ok, now it was the waiting game.
Frett's really good about calling back on time, mostly because he doesn't have much else to do, so I wasn't surprised when my phone beeped right at 11. I grabbed it. "Hey, Sean."
"Sup, Finnster? It must be exciting for you to call in the middle of a school day. Is it that boyfriend of yours? What's his name again, Chris? Kevin?"
"Kurt, and yeah." I ducked outside and over by the dumpsters. The last thing I needed was Kurt sneaking up behind me and hearing me talk about him with a stranger. He would never come this close to the dumpsters, because he's still scared that someone will toss him in.
"So did he dump your sorry ass? Decide he could do better?" He was just teasing me, and I had to admit that it helped. At least I still had Kurt, even if it was kind of an alternate reality version of him.
This was where I ran into trouble. How do you describe Kurt, the real one, to someone who has never met him? It's like trying to describe color to a blind dude. And if you don't understand what he was before, you can't get why he's freaking me out so much now. "Ok, look. Kurt is….he's….he's like the most awesome guy ever, right? But he's like a gay guy from the movies. He likes fashion and cooking and chick flicks. He screams when he sweats. He even puts on make-up sometimes, when he's trying to cover up his freckles. But all of this is in a dude way, not a chick way. Are you with me so far?"
"I think so. I'm kind of getting a Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy vibe. Is that right?"
I am very, very ashamed that I know exactly what he's talking about. Fretter's the only guy I could be admit that to. Puck would not only revoke my man card, but he'd probably burn it too, even though I only watched with Mom. "Yeah, kind of like that. But hot. He's got this gorgeous body and big blue eyes and I love his freckles even if he hates them, and when he smiles it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I had to stop myself there, because otherwise I would babble about Kurt until either lunch was over or Fretter hung up on me.
"Ok, so this guy is some sort of gay Adonis, and has you completely dickmatized. I'm not seeing the problem here."
That was because I hadn't gotten to the problem yet. "So, he was exactly like that right up until this morning. Yesterday his Dad took me to the ball game and not him, and I think it fucked him up. He showed up this morning wearing my old clothes that I outgrew like three years ago and acting like a normal guy. It's sick! I've never even seen him repeat an outfit, and I know that he would usually rather die then wear any of my clothes out in public. He doesn't even like when I wear my clothes. And his voice is all weird, too. Usually it's kind of high pitched, but not exactly girly. It's like…" I tried to think of a way to describe it. Oh, I know, I'd just repeat what Kurt told Mercedes the other day. "He says he has the exact vocal range of a 16th century castrati. I don't know what that is, but does it help?"
Sean started laughing. "Finnster, a castrati is a boy who's had his balls cut off before puberty so his voice never gets deep. You're painting quite a picture of your new boyfriend."
Ouch! I reflexively put a hand over my crotch, to reassure myself that the boys were still there. "Yeah, well, he still has his. I know, because I've been there."
"Way too much info. Ok, so is Kurt acting pissed at you?" I knew that he was working his jaw back and forth while he thought. He used to tap his fingers, but he can't do that any more.
That was the weird part. Well, weird-er part. "No, he's not. He's acting like this is totally normal, and exactly the way he's always been. Like I wouldn't fucking notice that he's lost his mind."
"Please tell me you didn't say that to him. I love you Finn, but your mouth tends to get a little ahead of you sometimes." Sean sounded worried.
"No, I didn't say anything to him. That's what I need you for. I need you to tell me what to say that won't make things worse. Because we both know that I'm a champion at making things worse." I didn't have too much pride to beg in front of him.
He laughed, which always hurt a little. Not because he was making fun of me or anything, but because it reminds me of what he used to be like before the accident. He was my best friend after Puck. Shit, sometimes he w as my best friend before Puck, when Puck was acting like an asshole. Which we all know is kind of a lot.
Girls got crushes on Sean because of the way he laughed. Looking back, I might have had a little bit of a crush on Sean because of the way he laughed. But now….girls don't want to be with a quadriplegic. When he laughs, though, you can't tell that anything is wrong with him. Like he might ask me any second if I wanted to go bowling with him.
"Did you at least reassure him that you loved him, no matter what?"
Of course! I don't really get telling someone how much you love them a million times a day, but he does, so I make sure to do it. "Yeah. I thought about just ignoring it and pretending it was normal, too, but I can't do that. He's miserable, and I don't want him to be unhappy for as long as it takes him to pull his head out of his ass."
"When do I get to meet him?" It seemed like he was changing the subject, but not really. Sean's really good at getting a read on someone by talking to them face to face.
He had asked before, right when all of the shit went down with Mom and finding out the truth about my Dad, but I had pushed him off, then. Things with Kurt had been so new, plus we weren't really out to anyone. I guess I kind of wanted to hog him all to myself. "Soon."
"Have you talked to his Dad? Because it seems like he's trying to prove something to Daddy, and you won't be able to fix that."
See, this is why I talk to Fretter. I never would have thought of talking to Burt, not in a million years. The dude actually kind of scares me. I like him, don't get me wrong, and it's really cool that he wants to get to know me and take me places, but there's always something there that tells me he could turn on me very quickly. Even though he's dating Mom, I'm not his kid, and Kurt will always come first to him. It's normal, but it still makes me a little anxious around him, just like I am around most men. It's not really his fault, but you can just never be sure.
"That's really smart, Fret. I just have to figure out what to say to Burt." Even the thought made my palms sweat.
"Who are you talking to?" I still wasn't used to Kurt's new voice, and it made me jump a mile. I also wasn't used to him sounding so suspicious of me, even if I kind of deserved it for talking about him behind his back.
"Jesus, Kurt! You scared the crap out of me." But I wrapped and arm around him, anyway. "It's my friend Sean. Do you want to say hello?" I held out the phone, pretending like I had been talking about anyone but him.
He took it. "Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel. Who is this?" He listened for a minute, then smiled. "That would be wonderful. I'm always interested in meeting Finn's other friends. Could the three of us meet somewhere?" He listened again. "Oh. Don't worry, I'll make Finn bring me over really soon. It was very nice to talk to you."
Once he started talking, the same thing happened that did this morning. His voice started out all funny, but was normal by the end. Hopefully Fretter heard it, too. Kurt smiled at me and held the phone out. I really wanted to kiss him when he looks like that, but we were still next to the dumpsters, and it kind of reeks back here. It's not romantic at all. I grabbed the phone back. "Sean, you slime! I told you that I would get you and Kurt together really soon. You didn't have to go over my head to my boyfriend." I tried to sound mad, but I was kind of laughing by the end.
"Dude, I had to go over your head, since you weren't doing anything. By the way, I heard the thing with his voice. The end was what he usually sounds like, right? Because you're right, he sounds like he's trying to mimic your voice at first."
Funny, I had thought that he was trying to sound more like Burt. "Yeah. I have to grab some lunch, but I'll give you a call later. See ya." I hung up; noticing the funny look Kurt was giving me. "What?"
"You called me your boyfriend." With that stupid hat on his head, it was hard for me to read his face. I couldn't tell if he was happy or not. Sometimes he gets upset about weird stuff.
"You are my boyfriend. I didn't say it where anyone else could hear it, if that's what you're worried about." I made sure to keep my voice very calm. No sense in waving a checkered flag in front of a bull.
He leaned against me, his head on my shoulder. God, I love it when he does that. It makes me feel like I'm the coolest person in the world, because I got the best guy in the world to be with me. "I just liked the way you said it to your friend. Like it was normal and you weren't embarrassed of me."
"You don't ever embarrass me, no matter what. I love you. If you wanted me to come out in front of everyone else, I would." I might not want to do it, but I would for him.
His smile was tight, not like his usual one. "Thank you, Finn."
"You're welcome." I looked around and saw no one, so I risked giving him a quick kiss. Cause, you know, if anyone needs a kiss right now, it's Kurt.
The rest of the day was quiet. Mercedes kept shooting me evil looks, even though this wasn't my fault. I kind of got it, though. If she had been in my place, I probably would have given her dirty looks, too. I did really well on my history test, which was surprising, since I usually can't remember dates, like, at all. 87, though, that was practically perfect. Well, it was a B, but almost an A. How freaking cool is that? Besides, even a B at this point is really good for me.
I carefully put the paper inside one of my folders instead of just cramming it in my backpack like I usually did. I didn't want this one to get wrinkled because Mom will probably try and frame it like she did on my Spanish essay. I finally got her to not do that, since it was embarrassing, but I think she's told all of her friends at work about it.
There was no Glee after school today, but Kurt wanted to stay and practice his number in the auditorium. I offered to stay and help him out (and maybe do a few more things up on the stage), but he pushed me off. "No, Finnegan, not today. I want this performance to be a surprise to everyone, including you."
That's the nice way of saying 'butt out'. But if Kurt was going to be occupied here, it would give me the perfect opportunity to talk to Burt without getting interrupted. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure. But maybe we could hook up a little later? I know your mother works the night shift tonight…."
"Yes. Absolutely, yes, any time, give me a call." I hated to sound too eager, but him wanting to come over when Mom will be gone can only mean one thing, and it's the most awesome thing in the entire world.
"I'll call. I love you, Finn." He gave me one more side armed squeeze and bounded off, leaving me in the dust. I watched him go, dressed all wrong and walking strange, just so I could burn it into my memory. Then, later on when I was getting scared of Burt, I could remember why I had to do this.
My courage was still a little wobbly when it actually came down to it, though. I had to make a snack and drink a soda before I could make the call, and then I had drunk the coke so fast that I ended up giving myself the hiccups.
Lucky for me, Burt sounded happy to hear from me. "Hey, Finn, what's up? Ready to hit the field again?"
Totally. "Yeah, anytime. But, uh, there's something else I kind of wanted to talk to you about." I had to handle this very delicately. Unfortunately, I'm usually about as delicate as the Tasmanian devil, so you can see the problem here.
"Sure, sure. You know you can talk to me about anything, right? Is this some sort of man to man talk?" He sounded really happy to hear from me, so I didn't want to burst his bubble by telling him that I already knew all about the man to man stuff. After the whole Quinn thing, I made sure I knew all of the important stuff. The most important thing? You can't get a girl pregnant in a hot tub. Period.
"No. It's kind of about Kurt. Um, did you see him this morning before school?"
"I didn't. I had to be at the garage early to meet a client. Wait, he did make it to get you this morning right? He wasn't in an accident, right?" He was starting to panic. Kurt's the most important thing in the entire world to him and it really freaked him out that something might have happened to his kid.
I had to reassure him. "No, it's nothing like that. He came and got me alright. But he's acting weird. He's wearing my old clothes and he's acting like a hockey player."
Burt snorted. "Kid just loves you, Finn. I remember when I was in high school and my girlfriend wanted to wear my clothes. It made me feel like a total stud. I don't exactly see what the problem is here. Didn't that girlfriend of yours ever wear your T-shirt?"
First of all, the problem was the Kurt wasn't a girl. Second, he wasn't wearing my clothes to be close to me. He was wearing them to be me, period. Or someone like me. Which I totally don't get, by the way. If you could be Kurt, why would you ever want to be Finn? "No, you aren't understanding me."
It was really hard to remember all the things I had to do to get someone to listen to me. Speak calmly, quietly but not too quietly, don't get frustrated, don't be rude, and definitely don't swear. Especially because Burt would tell Mom if I did. "It's not as much the clothes, even though that's freaky. He's talking really strange, too. It's like his voice got really deep overnight, only you can tell that he's faking it. I think he's really having a problem."
"Ok. I 'm still not really seeing the problem here, but I'm going to trust your judgment. Kurt's just dramatic, we both know that. What do you think we should do?"
He was just humoring me. A part of me wanted to just let him be horrified when Kurt got home from practice, but the nicer part of me didn't want anyone to get the shock that I had this morning. So I pulled out my last card. "Burt, he was wearing flannel and a baseball cap this morning."
"Jesus." That was all he could get out for a few minutes. Wow, keeping calm and explaining things patiently actually worked! I would have to remember to tell Kurt that later on, when he wasn't crazy any more. Hopefully that would be soon, because I don't really like the guy he's trying to be now. "He's wearing flannel?"
"Yep. And it's old flannel, too. Mom made me put that shirt away because it had those little tiny holes in it. He's wearing old, second-hand flannel clothes with holes in them. It's like a sign of the apocalypse."
"Do you know what has triggered this rather abrupt change?" He was trying not to, but his voice was definitely accusing me.
Great. What was the nice way to say that I was pretty sure that the problem was him, not me? "I'm not really sure. He was fine at school all day yesterday."
Is that true, Finn? Was Kurt just as happy as could be yesterday at school? Because I'm thinking that the answer to that is a resounding 'no'.
I thought back. Kurt hadn't been acting batshit like he was now, but I guessed he hadn't really been acting like himself, either. "Maybe he was a little quiet. He kind of snapped at me over some French Fries, but he wasn't acting like he is right now. He didn't get really pissy until you told him he couldn't go to the game with us. How come you didn't ask him to come along? I wouldn't have minded and it would have meant a lot to him."
"I didn't invite him because he hates going to any sort of sporting event. He'll go if I ask him, because he doesn't like saying no to me, but he'll be miserable the entire time. He would much rather stay home and work on his…stuff." Burt sounded kind of defensive. I recognized it, because I get the same way pretty easily.
It didn't matter whether Kurt would be miserable or not if he went. It didn't even matter if he went. What mattered was that Burt had pretty much told him that he didn't matter to him any more, and I did. It hurts. "Do you think that you could try talking to him? I'm going to remind him that I love him the way he is, but maybe you could do that, too?"
My palms were sweating again, because I can't stand having to tell adults what to do. But this w as for Kurt, and if I didn't stand up for him, no one would. He had stood up for me when I needed it, and now it was time to return the favor. "I think it would help if he heard it from both of us."
"Of course. I'll have a talk with him tonight, and we'll see if we can get to the root of this problem." I could tell that he still wasn't taking this as seriously as I was, but he probably would when he saw how unhappy Kurt was. Like I said, Kurt is Burt's entire world, and he'll do anything to make his kid happy.
"Maybe you could take just him somewhere. I'm ok with sitting out for a while." Actually, I was more then ok with it. I like hanging out with Burt sometimes, but sometimes not so much. He's not really sure if he should treat me like a second son because he's probably going to marry Mom, or a potential son in law because I'm dating his son, or just the kid with no dad who shares some of his interests, kind of like a big brother/little brother type thing. And when he's not sure how to act around me, I'm not sure how to act around him, either. It's a vicious circle. Or maybe that's cycle. Either way, things are confusing with him.
"Thanks, Burt. Um, could you not tell him that I called and talked to you? I don't want him to think I'm being bossy or anything." Kurt's pretty bossy himself, but he sure gets pissed off when he thinks you're trying to tell him what to do.
Burt gets that, though. After all, he's lived with Kurt for 16 years now, so he knows what he can be like. "Your secret's safe with me. I'll give you call about doing something in a few weeks."
"Cool. Bye."
Even after I hung up, I was still worried. Was this how my mother had felt with my Dad? Like she was watching the person she loved the most fall apart right in front of her and she could do nothing to help or stop him?
No. I pulled away form that line of thinking. Kurt was acting a little freaky, sure, but he wasn't suicidal. This was just a minor thing, and we were catching it before it blew up into something major. This time, love was going to be enough.