Finn POV
Mom's gone nuts again. I've been hiding upstairs all morning, because I know she's going to make me help her if she finds me. I'm not sure what she's up to, but it just seems safer to hide. I even have some homework spread around the bed so I would have an excuse if she came looking for me.
I know. Sometimes I can't believe how smart I'm getting, either.
Something crashed in the hallway, and I immediately felt bad. I'm the man of the house, and I should be helping her. She just gets kind of crazy when she cleans. Lots of yelling and telling me that I'm doing things wrong. So I was a little nervous when I crept out. "Mom? Do you need help?"
"No, Finn. I'm just breaking our things in the hallway for fun." She was all mean when she said it, and I hate it. Mom's an awesome Mom, not a mean one and I don't like it when she acts like that.
I'm sure you act plenty of ways that she doesn't like either. Quinn-voice was smug, and I could just imagine the real Quinn making that face I always hated.
Mom and I are tight, though, so I know that she already feels bad for snapping at me. I leaned against the doorframe. "Can I help you break our stuff?"
She laughed and held out her arms. I used to hate it when she would want to hug and kiss me, especially since she did shit like that in front of the guys. I mean, it's practically suicide to have your Mommy be there at all, much less actually touching you. But when I think about how it is at Kurt's house, where there is no Mom, or even at Puck's, since his Mom works all the time, it's hard to tell her not to. Besides, there was no one here to see it.
"I'm sorry I yelled. Can you help me move some of this stuff into the basement, please? It's too heavy for me to do on my own."
The stuff that she was talking about was some of the little stuff from her bedroom. And the living room. And the extra chairs from the kitchen. I was starting to smell a rat. "Why are we taking this stuff to the basement?" I knew that I sounded suspicious, but I felt suspicious, too.
"We're spring cleaning, Finn." She said it way too fast, so I knew that she had thought about what she would say if I asked.
"It's February." Isn't the point of spring cleaning that you, you know, do it in the spring?
She read my mind. "Oh, Finn. They just call it that. Spring cleaning is for any time that things need a little sprucing up."
"Don't we need this stuff? Did Kurt take you shopping for more new furniture?" Even though some of the stuff they had picked out was pretty cool, I don't like it when things change. It never seems to end well for me.
"No. You and I have so much stuff that I think it's time we did a little downsizing."
I still didn't like it, but I couldn't really call her on because there was nothing to say. "Are we moving?" 'Downsizing' was the excuse that Puck's mom used when his Dad left them and she couldn't afford the house they used to have. "Did you lose your job or something?"
"Of course I didn't lose my job. Honey, we're fine financially, alright? I don't want you to ever worry about that." She rubbed my back. "We're just going to make some changes as a family."
Alarm bells started ringing. "Did Burt ask you to marry him?" There was no way that he would just do that, right? I didn't want Burt to marry Mom, and I didn't want to live in a new place, even if it was with Kurt.
"No, Burt hasn't asked me to marry him. Even if he did, I wouldn't say yes without talking to you first." She took one end of the coffee table, and I grabbed the other. We made it all the way down to the basement before she spoke again. "Would that be terrible if he did?"
Yes. Burt was ok, I guess, but I didn't want him to be my father, or to be Mom's husband. I liked our family the way it was, with just me and Mom. I didn't want some stranger coming in and ruining things. Dad had been dead for almost 15 years, and I would be moving out in another year and a half. Couldn't she wait?
"It's way too soon. You've only been dating each other for a few months." I hated the way my voice shook and sounded like I was getting ready to cry.
She rubbed my shoulder. "But what about later? Can you see Burt and Kurt being a permanent part of our lives?"
Kurt was always going to be a permanent part of my life, but I knew that wasn't what she meant. "Burt's fine. I like him ok."
"Are you sure? Because I like him a lot, too, and want us both to be happy." She was searching my face for a lie with her super Mom powers.
Yeah, I hadn't exactly said I liked Burt a lot. Some, but not a lot yet. The guy is kind of trying to take my place here, and that makes him hard to like. "I'm happy if you are."
"So if Burt were to ask me to marry him, you would be ok with living with him and Kurt?"
This was my big chance to tell her that I wouldn't be ok with it, and I kind of blew it. Ok, I didn't kind of blow it, I totally did. "I guess. But why can't they come live with us?"
She laughed. "Finn, you're already sleeping in a closet. Where do you think we would put Kurt?" I started to say something and she cut me off. "And don't say in your room, because that isn't going to happen. It's not appropriate for you to be sharing with your boyfriend at 16 years old."
I kind of thought she might say something like that, and she really is right. "If Burt asks you to marry him, it's ok with me."
You just lost any chance you might have ever had at complaining about the situation. Don't come whining to me when this blows up in your face.
Mom hugged me again, and I leaned against her. "How about you help me by getting the rest of this stuff taken care of, and I'll pick up a pizza for a late lunch?"
"Ok." I was pretty hungry and moving this stuff wasn't easy. I know that she's kind of using me here, but that's ok. I don't want her trying to pick the really heavy stuff up by herself.
There really wasn't that much stuff, so I was able to get it all done before she came back. She must have gotten breadsticks, too, because her hands were so full she had to ring the doorbell for me to come help her.
Only when I opened the door, it wasn't Mom. It was some strange guy who looked like he was uber-pissed off. "Are you Finn Hudson?"
Yeah, I was totally going to get my ass kicked. I'm bigger, but I'm really not much of a fighter. "Uh-huh."
"I'm Russell Fabray, Quinn's Daddy."
Oh, shit, I was definitely going to get the crap beaten out of me. "Hi, I'm Finn. It's nice to meet you."
"At least one of you beasts has some manners. It has recently come to my attention that my Quinnie is…with child." His face scrunched up like he had gas or needed to poop or something.
I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say something or offer him our bathroom, but I really didn't want him in our house, so I just stood there looking at him. He waited a few seconds, then sighed. "Ones a delinquent with no manners and the other has no brains. Way to choose a boyfriend, Quinnie."
I might be stupid (but getting better!), but at least I knew not to say rude things about someone right to their face. Which is why I'm going to take Kurt's advice and just keep my big mouth closed, since I can't think of anything to say to him that isn't rude right now.
"At any rate, it has also come to my attention that you are not the father of her baby, despite her leading you to think that you were."
That was true, so I nodded cautiously. Maybe if I stalled him long enough, Mom would come home and fix this for me. "Yes."
"Since you are not the father, you had no legal reason to support her or the baby financially. I believe that you are owed a great deal of money." He pulled an envelope out of his pocket.
I had given Quinn every single bit of my paychecks for over a month. Seriously, I didn't even buy myself a Coke, just gave it all to her. It had to have been close to a thousand dollars, or even a little more.
There was no way I wanted to take money from a strange dude, even if he was who he said he was. I shook my head. "No, she can keep it for Drizzle. I don't want it back."
"That's very chivalrous of you, but the baby is not your responsibility. My wife and I will be taking care of things until the baby is born and placed in an appropriate adoptive home. I've totaled what you are owed and added an appropriate amount of interest. The present and future of the baby are no longer your concern." He shook the envelope slightly, trying to get me to take it.
I'm not as stupid as he thinks I am, and I knew what was really happening here. I wasn't being paid the money because that was what I was owed. He was giving me the money because he wanted me to take it and butt the hell out of Quinn's life. I think he's scared that I'll convince her to keep Drizzle. I also wonder what he's paying Puck.
I know all that, but I also know that I don't have a choice. As much as I want her to be, Drizzle isn't mine. I can't decide to keep her or give her away. Puck can, but I don't know if he knows that. Either I took the money and had no choices or I didn't take the money and I still had no choices.
Even though it made me feel kind of dirty, I grabbed the envelope and shoved it in my back pocket. Mr. Fabray smiled, and it looked just like when Coach Sylvester was screwing you over. "This is really for the best, Finn. You get your money back, Quinn gets a second chance, and her baby is raised in a loving, Christian, home. Everyone wins. Now don't tell anyone that I was here, and we'll all be fine"
He turned around and drove away, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open. What the hell had just happened to me? I closed the door and went up to my room. Once I had closed and locked the door, I opened the envelope and counted what was inside. $1500. Wow. That's like…that's more then our rent for a month. I could buy a Wii, and a new television, and a ton of games. Maybe I could even buy a really cheap car. This was more money then I had even thought I would see in my entire life.
This is blood money, Finn. I can think of another woman who was very young and pregnant. She had a husband, but he was nowhere to be found. She didn't have much money, and she still doesn't. I'm sure she was pushed to put her baby in a loving, Christian, home where he could have everything she couldn't provide him. I'm talking about your mother, Finn. How would you feel if someone had bribed her to sell you?
It wasn't the same thing! It couldn't be. Mom had never talked about wanting to give me away, or anyone telling her to. And, anyway, I couldn't stop them from doing it to Drizzle. If she had really been my daughter, I wouldn't have sold her for $1500 or for a million dollars.
Whatever you have to tell yourself.
The front door opened, and I was scared that it was Mr. Fabray again, but then I heard Mom calling me. I stuffed the money in the back of my closet and ran downstairs. She was holding two pizzas and breadsticks, but I plowed into her anyway and hugged her tightly. She squeezed me back. "What's wrong, honey?"
I didn't know how to say it without also telling her what had just happened with Mr. Fabray. So I just opened my mouth and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "Did you ever think about giving me away when I was a baby?"
"Finn, you wouldn't believe the number of times I considered selling you to the circus when you got a little older. But you were the sweetest and most perfect little baby. I loved you with all my heart."
That didn't answer my question. Quinn loved Drizzle, too, but she was still going to give her away. "No, I what I mean is did anyone want you to give me up for adoption?"
Her eyes went narrow. "What is this really about?"
"Quinn wants to give the baby away because she thinks she's too young and doesn't have enough money to take care of her. But you were young and poor and you kept me."
She pulled me over to the couch. "I was young, but I wasn't high school young. Not to mention, your father was a little more stable and mature then Noah Puckerman. But since you asked, yes, there were people who wanted me to give you up. And I thought about it."
No one had ever told me that before. "You did?"
"I did. And I chose not to, because I knew that I couldn't bear the thought of knowing that that you were out there, and I wasn't the one taking care of you. But that was my decision. The fact that I chose to keep you doesn't mean that Quinn is wrong to choose to give her baby up. It's between her, Puck, and the adoptive parents."
"I know." What made me scared was that it wasn't going to be between Quinn, Puck, and the adoptive parents. I was pretty sure that it was going to be between Quinn's Dad and the adoptive parents. I don't think that what Quinn wants is going to matter, and no one gives a shit about Puck. "It's just had to think about."
"It's a terrible choice for her to have to make. But you can't make it for her. All you can do is support the choice she makes. Now tell me how things are going in Glee club. Did you get things sorted out with Mr. Ryan?"
"Not really. He hates Mr. Shue, so he hates the rest of us, too. We're going to lose the club." It hurt, but I was glad to be talking about something else. "We cam still get together and stuff, though, and Mr. Shue is trying to figure out if we can still compete if we aren't with a school."
"It sounds like you're doing everything you can, then. Come on and we'll eat before the pizza gets cold."
I don't know why I didn't tell her about the money and what had just happened. She wouldn't take the money or anything, and she wouldn't make me do something stupid like put it away for college or use it to buy clothes or anything. But it seemed wrong to tell her that I had sold the baby that was supposed to be mine.
I think that Mom knew that something was up, but she didn't push it. If she had, I would have told her the truth, but I think she just thought I was upset about the Glee club and Quinn, so she didn't look any deeper.
"Soooooo, how are things going with Kurt? And don't eat so fast. I don't know why you act like you're starving all the time."
Because I was starving all the time. I'm a big guy, and I need lots of calories to keep me going. It's not my fault that it takes so long for another meal to roll around. "We're good. I want to do something really cool for him, but I'm not sure what."
"How about a romantic dinner? That seemed to go over well last time." She was still nibbling on her first piece, while I was on my fourth.
She had no idea just how well it had gone over last time, and I definitely wasn't gross enough to tell her about it. "I don't know. I already did that once, and I want to be able to surprise him."
"Well, when Burt wants to surprise me, he does something romantic. Doing something for Kurt doesn't have to cost money. It's the gesture that counts." She smiled as she played with the necklace Burt had given her last week.
"What kind of romantic things did Dad used to do for you?" It's kind of weird, but we actually talk about Dad more now then we did before the truth came out. I think it's easier for Mom because she doesn't have to make up lies any more.
She smiled in that way that was half remembering and half sad. "Your father was the most romantic man on earth. I don't think that a single day went by where he didn't do something for me."
"Like what?" Now I was asking for myself as much as I was for Kurt. I keep every little bit of information she give me because it's the only way that I'll ever know him. I know what he did and how he died, but he's still my Dad, no matter what.
"Most of the time, it was little things. He would draw a heart in the mirror after he showered, or he would leave a flower in my car when I went to work. He never, ever, let me leave the house without telling me that he loved me."
I was fascinated. Obviously Dad had loved Mom just like I love Kurt. It was a pathetic connection, but it was still there. "What about the big stuff?"
"Let me see. I already told you about the arcade. But probably my favorite thing was that we would go for drives. I never knew where we would end up, and sometimes I don't think that your father did either. We would start out first thing in the morning, eat lunch from the cooler, then stop somewhere for dinner. Never anywhere fancy, but somewhere new every time. It was just the two of us, and we would spend the entre day just talking and spending time together." She smiled gently.
Ew. This was before I was born, so they hadn't been much older then I was now. When she said 'spending time together', what she meant was 'having wild monkey sex'. That's what Kurt says when he wants to fool around and be all delicate and classy about it. "Do you think I could have the car one day so I could do something like that?" I mean, yeah, I could use Kurt's, but he hates me driving it, and I want to be in charge of this. He deserved to have something awesome happen to him.
"We'll talk about it, alright? You've been doing really well lately with being responsible, and you do deserve more privileges." She rubbed my shoulder. "How are things going in school?"
I jumped up and grabbed my backpack. "I got another B! It's an 87, so it's almost an A!" I had only failed one test in the past three weeks, instead of most of them.
"Finn, that's great!" She took the test and put in on the fridge. It's kind of embarrassing when she does that, but it does feel good to see them. "You're doing so well."
That made me all embarrassed again, so I tried to change the subject. "What should I do about Glee?"
"Honey, I don't know that there is anything that you can do about Glee. I know you like to fix things, but this is something that's out of your hands." She rubbed my shoulder. "You might just have to let this one go for now. If the club gets cut, maybe the parents can try and figure something out. But for now, just sit tight."
Yeah, I kind of thought that was what she might say. It still hurt to hear, though. "It just sucks. I didn't get to play basketball because of my arm, and I won't get to do football again until fall. If I don't have Glee, I don't really have anything."
It was a little dramatic, but it was true. I liked that Mom just nodded instead of telling me that, though. "I know, Sweetheart. But let's not borrow trouble. Maybe Mr. Ryan will find some extra money somewhere."
If he did, he would probably wipe his butt with it instead of giving it to us. "Maybe."
This is one of the ways my medicine kind of sucks. Before I just kind of did whatever made sense right at that second. I didn't plan anything, because I never really thought about the future. Now that my brain is moving a little slower, and not in fits and jerks like a dying engine, I do think about all of these things, and they freak me out. I don't know how most people do it. When I think about them, it makes it really hard to wait for anything.
I know that Kurt was out with Mercedes today, so I had to wait until later to call him and ask what I should do about the money. He always knows that to do.
"Hey, Cowboy, what's up?" He was all out of breath and giggly, which meant that they had come home and snuck wine coolers in the basement. Usually I think it's pretty funny when Kurt gets a little tipsy, but I kind of wanted him clear-headed for this.
"Um…I really just wanted to talk to you a little." What had happened was so weird that I had trouble just coming out and saying it.
"Sure, sure." He sounded a little more serious now. "What's going on?"
"I…I…what would you do if you suddenly got a lot of money? Like, if you won the lottery or something." What to do with the money wasn't the big problem, since I can always think of stuff I want to buy, but it seemed like a good way to ease into the topic.
"If I won the lottery, I would take you and I on a trip to Paris. I would go shopping while you ate cheese, and then we would fuck in all of the hotel rooms, and the plane, and on the Eiffel tower." Then he was giggling again.
Did I mention that Kurt is a very, very, horny drunk? Personally, I think he's like that in his heart all the time, but he's too repressed and prissy to let it out unless he's toasted. I'm trying to get him to release his inner slut more often, because it's awesome when it happens, but it's been slow going.
"Ok, maybe the lottery was a bad example. What if it was less money? Like a thousand dollars or something?"
"Finn, what's going on? Did something happen?" He was trying to pull himself together.
This had been a mistake. I needed more time to think this through myself before I started asking other people. "Never mind."
"Are you sure? Because I know you, Finn, and I think whatever's happening might be a little big for you to work out on your own."
It was like he had hit me though the phone. Kurt is the one person other then Mom that I thought I could count on to never say anything to make me feel stupid. But he just had. And what was worse, he didn't even act like he noticed.
Yeah, I know that the words weren't that bad. It was more the way he said them that stung. It was the exact same way that Rachel said it, or Quinn did. Oh, Finn. You're so precious when you try and think, but we all know that you can't do it. Just let one of us take over. It was like I was a dumb puppy who had just piddled on the rug, but still got patted on the head because I was so cute.
"Finn? Are you still there?" He sounded worried, but still not sorry. "Hello?"
"I'm here. You know what, calling was stupid. I'll just see you tomorrow." I was holding my phone so tightly that I thought it might crack. Please, Kurt, please tell me that it wasn't stupid, and that I wasn't.
He didn't. He did sound confused as to why I was suddenly upset, but he didn't get why. "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure." My voice almost cracked a little.
"Alright, I guess. I love you, Finn."
"I love you, too." It wasn't hard to say, because I really did. Even though I'm upset, it doesn't make me love him any less.
Once the phone disconnected, I told Mom I was going upstairs to take a shower and work on my homework. What I really did was change into my pajamas and curl up in bed and pretend that nothing about today had happened. I was surprised that I didn't cry, but there weren't any tears. I wished that there were, because it would have helped a little with how much my chest hurt. Even though it was early, eventually kind of dozed off. I sort of remember Mom coming in and getting me under the covers so she could tuck me in, but it was more like a dream then something that actually happened.
In the morning, Kurt knew that something was wrong, and he was trying extra hard to make it up to me. He still didn't get what was wrong, though. Still, the extra kisses did make me melt a little bit. It's not like I've never said anything hurtful when I didn't mean to.
But a lot of what I blurt out is true. It's mean and it doesn't need to be said that way, or sometimes said at all, but it is true. It makes me wonder if Kurt doesn't really think that I'm stupid, and he's just too nice to tell me.
"What's wrong, Cowboy? You seemed very unhappy when you called last night?" He gave me one final kiss and leaned back. "I'm not moving this car until you tell me."
Yeah, like that was going to work. I didn't care if we ever went to school, or if we sat in the driveway all day. If I went to school, all I had to look forward to was Bryan Ryan cutting the Glee club and me having to look at Quinn and know that her Dad was selling her baby right out from under her. Sitting in a cold car with someone who hurt my feelings actually seems like a pretty good trade-off.
Kurt isn't going to let this go, but I just can't deal with it right now. I wasn't mad, I was just sad. "It's…can I just have a little time to think it through all by myself? I promise I'll tell you, but I just need a day or two."
He didn't like it, but he did back off and back out of the driveway. "Ok. But if you need anything at all, I want you to promise that you'll come ask me."
I wished he had just said that last night. "Deal."
Lucky for me, I didn't end up seeing Quinn until Glee club. I'm not sure why I feel so bad, since it's her Dad acting like an asshole and not me, but I did. It's also lucky that she and I don't have a lot to talk about now, so she barely even looked at me.
Usually we're all in our seats when Glee starts, but not today. Puck had a football, and we started throwing it to burn off some nervous energy. If this was going to be the last time we met as a club, at least we would have some good memories. I haven't really held a football since my accident, and it felt good to have something familiar in my hands.
I tossed it to Puck, but Mr. Shue stepped in and caught it. "Ok, guys. Tina has something she wants to share with all of us, but first, I have an announcement I need to make."
My gut dropped and I sat down next to Kurt. This was it. The club was over.
Mr. Shue smiled. "You've all been reprieved. Bryan Ryan isn't cutting Glee."
We all applauded, even though no one could quite believe it.
"Did he die?" I'm glad that Puck asked it so I didn't have to. Because, seriously? There was no other reason that made sense.
"No, he didn't die." Mr. Shue tossed the football back to Puck. "He is, uh, going to be distracted for a couple of months. He's making his star turn in Les Miz. He got the lead role"
Wait, that didn't make sense either. This time it was Quinn that beat me to the punch. "But you got the lead."
"I resigned. That was the price for keeping the club."
I know Mr. Shue isn't perfect, and I'm still kind of mad at him for the whole pot thing, but this was huge. I've seen him going over the script in Spanish, and the way he looks when he does it. He wanted to be that John whatever guy really, really bad, maybe more then anything. And he had given it up for us. "I'm sorry you had to do that Mr. Shue."
"I'm not. The way I see it, I'm trading my one dream for the chance that all 13 of you might find yours. I mean, come one, you can't argue with those numbers. So, let's start with Tina's dream. Come on up, Tina."
Tina was amazing, but I was more focused on what had happened a few minutes ago then what was happening now. It was awesome that Mr. Shue had done this for us, but, at least in my case, it wasn't necessary. I already had my dream right next to me, with his hand in mine and his head on my shoulder.
I kissed him and leaned down to whisper in his ear. "I love you."
His fingers tightened around mine. "I love you, too. You're my dream, Finn and I never want you to forget that."
For a day that started out so crappy, it sure turned around quick. The Glee club as going to be ok, even if Mr. Shue had to take it up the ass to make it that way. And when I say take it up the ass, I don't mean in the fun way, either. It's in the figurative way, which means that it didn't really happen; it's just using fancy language. I have Kurt, and we're going to be ok. Regionals is coming up soon, and we're going to need to focus on that and not little piddly fights between two people.
All I had to do was just keep looking forward.