Disclaimer: I don't own Community, though if I did Officer Cackowski would have had his own show by now.

Chapter 16 - Diplomacy for Beginners

Week 22

Jeff and Annie were not okay.

It was Abed who first noticed. He and Joelle had taken to meeting up in the Quad a couple of times a week and playing a game whereby they'd look at people going by and deduce increasingly implausible stories about them that still fit with observable evidence. On Monday lunchtime when they were doing this they saw Jeff and Annie emerge from one of the buildings around the quad and walk halfway across it - side by side, hands in pockets - and then part to head in different directions. There was a brief moment of hesitation and then a little wave from each of them and they turned their backs on each other.

"Something's changed." Abed said.

"They're not comfortable with each other any more." Joelle added.

"They haven't fought, or we'd have heard."

"And they always make up when they do anyway." Joelle agreed.

They both suddenly looked at each other. "They've had sex." They said at the same time.

"And it's tearing them apart." Abed added.

"I'll talk to Annie." Joelle said.

"And I'll talk to Jeff." Abed added.

XXXXXX

(Later that day)

"Jeff, we need to talk."

"Sure Abed, about what?"

"Not here – in private." Abed quickly looked around and dragged Jeff into an empty classroom.

"Abed – what's going on?" Jeff was starting to get annoyed by the cloak and dagger stuff.

Abed double-checked to make sure nobody was listening.

"You and Annie have had sex, Jeff."

"Abed, what the hell? I'm not going to stand here and listen to this!" Jeff was furious now and tried to push past Abed to get out.

"If you don't talk about it now Jeff, you'll have to talk about it in Study Group – and you know what Shirley will do to you if she finds out."

"Dammit Abed – this is blackmail." Jeff grated out.

"It's for your own good, Jeff." Abed said, his voice as flat and emotionless as ever.

"Okay then, Abed – two questions." Jeff said grimly. "Firstly – why on earth would you think such a thing, and secondly what business is it of yours?"

Abed nodded. "Fair enough Jeff. Firstly – you and Annie have changed around each other. Your platonic physical intimacy has gone –"

"Our what?"

"Platonic physical intimacy. You know, the way you guys are always walking around with a hand looped through an elbow or an arm thrown across shoulders, depending on which side of the height differential initiates contact. Then there's the goodbye hugs and the playful punches, the hand holding and lingering gazes –"

Good grief, do we really do all that? Jeff said to himself – he's not the most introspective of individuals and sometimes it takes an outsider to point out certain things. But Abed was still speaking.

"It's nice. Especially when it's somebody as emotionally stunted as you making an actual connection with another human being."

"Gee, thanks Abed – having you call me out on my lack of emotional depth is like having Charlie Sheen express his concern about all the drugs I'm doing."

"No problem, Jeff. But the thing is, you guys aren't doing that anymore. The obvious conclusion is that the platonic physical intimacy isn't platonic anymore – you can't touch her without remembering what it feels like to touch her, if you know what I mean."

"That's not much to build a theory on like this, Abed." Jeff said tightly.

"There's at least one other piece of evidence, Jeff."

"Go on…"

"We've been talking for several minutes now and you still haven't denied it."

Dammit. "Okay then, Abed – even if we assume, for the sake of argument and without admitting anything, that you're on to something. There's still my second question – what business is it of yours?"

"I like you Jeff. And I like Annie. And somehow – I have no idea how – you guys work together. You're less of a self obsessed jerkass when she's around and she's more at peace with herself when you are. This thing we're not talking about however and not admitting happened? It's driving you two apart. And that makes me sad. You need to set things right with her." Abed's face was as expressionless as ever.

"Annie and I are okay, Abed." Jeff was struggling to hold on to his temper. "We've talked, and we're okay. What happens next is nobody's business. Now if you'll excuse me -" Jeff pushed past Abed. This time, Abed let him go.

XXXXXX

Joelle's conversation with Annie was somewhat shorter.

"Annie, you're an idiot."

"Whaaa-"

"You've been trying to land that other idiot for months. You finally do it, and now you're acting like he's radioactive."

"Eeee –"

"Calm yourself down and talk to him. It was only sex, it's not like it was something important."

"Joelle!"

"You guys are good together Annie, don't throw it away just because you got an itch scratched."

"!" Annie can actually squeal punctuation.

"just think about it okay? Nice to talk to you." Joelle hugged a near-catatonic Annie and walked away.

XXXXXX

(That evening)

Abed has invited Joelle around to his dorm room. They were planning on watching "When Harry Met Sally" by way of research into what to do about couples who are meant to be together but waste years because they can't admit it.

"How did your talk with Annie go?" Abed asked.

"Pretty well, I think. Yours with Jeff?"

"He's still in denial. He claims he's already talked to Annie and doesn't need to again. Is Annie going to talk to him?"

Joelle suddenly looked slightly uncertain. "She didn't say she wasn't going to…"

Abed nodded once. "I think we need to watch the movie."

XXXXXX

(Wednesday, student lounge)

Abed was trying to convince Joelle to play the love interest in his Kickpuncher fan video. Joelle wasn't convinced acting was her thing.

"Uh-oh. Game on." Abed said. Joelle looked up. Jeff had just got something from a vending machine, he'd turned around and seen Annie walk into the lounge. The two of them smiled uncertainly at each other, hesitated for a moment and walked towards each other. They talked for a moment or two then smiled uncertainly again. They looked as if they wanted to hug, but they did a little wave instead and then turned and walked away. Both Abed and Joelle saw their shoulders slump when they thought the other could no longer see them.

"They're as bad as ever." Joelle said.

"Worse, if anything." Abed added.

"Operation Crystal?"

"Is a go." Said Abed. "I'll brief Troy."

"I'll brief Marcia."

XXXXXX

(Later that day)

"Jeff, can I ask a favour?"

"Of course Troy, what is it?"

"I've started playing pool – it looked really cool when you did it – in a hall in town. I thought I was doing really well until last night, when I got fleeced for over a hundred bucks."

Jeff smirked. "And now you want Winger the Ringer to turn up and win your money back?"

Troy grinned hugely. "You got it, Jeff. Can I pick you up at 7:30 tonight?"

"Sure Troy, see you then."

XXXXXX

"Oh come on Annie, it'll be fun! The three of us'll go to the movies, watch a silly romcom and pig out on popcorn and corn syrup based drinks. And most importantly of all, it'll be a girls' night out only – no guys!"

"Oh I don't know Marcia, there's schoolwork to do."

"It'll still be there when you come back, and if you take an evening out to de-stress you'll work much more efficiently when you get back to it."

Marcia made it sound tempting, and most importantly Annie did feel the need to de-stress.

"Okay, it's a deal!"

"That's great – we'll pick you up at 7:30."

XXXXXX

(That night)

"You ready, Jeff?"

"Just coming, Troy." Jeff was in his pool hustler outfit – black jeans, shirt and leather jacket. "Lets go – oh hi Abed, are you coming?"

"He saw 'The Color of Money' last night and wants to do a pool movie now." Troy said.

"You'll be a natural for the Paul Newman role Jeff – the elder statesman of the game defending his crown, but I need to see if Troy can handle the Tom Cruise role of cocky newcomer out to take it off him."

"Of course you do Abed. Let's go, guys."

XXXXXX

"You ready, Annie?" Marcia and Joelle were banging on the door of her apartment.

"Coming!" Annie's voice sang out to the accompaniment of bolts being slid back.

"Let's go guys!" Annie had a slightly too cheery smile on her face, she was wearing a long flowery dress and a bright green cardigan. Well, that sets everything back at least six months. Marcia thought as they walked down to where the car was parked.

XXXXXX

"This isn't a pool hall." Jeff said.

XXXXXX

"This isn't a movie theatre." Annie said.

XXXXXX

Jeff realised what was going on as soon as he saw the girls approaching from the other direction. His instinctive reaction was to turn and flee, but the boys were ready for that and had gripped his elbows before he could even start running. As he looked ahead, he could see Annie was being similarly restrained.

"It's an intervention, Jeff. And it's for your own good." Abed said.

They arrived at the door of the restaurant, a small Mexican place, and went inside. "Good evening, ladies." Jeff said for all the world as if he didn't have his arms pinned to his side.

"They got you too, did they Jeff?" Annie said with a forced grin.

"Okay," Interrupted Abed. "This is what's going to happen. You two will be sitting at that table over there" - he pointed to a table for two at the back of the restaurant - "while we sit here" - he pointed at a table for four by the door. "If either of you tries to run, Troy will bring you down - you do not want to be tackled by a star quarterback."

"I'm only a little girl." Annie said, deploying her best Disney eyes.

"Annie, let's be realistic." Marcia said. "I think everybody here thinks Jeff is more likely to run than you are."

"Love you too, Marcia."

"Shut up, Jeff. Abed?"

"The only back door is through the kitchens, and the staff have been instructed on no account to let either of you out that way. You two are going to sit down, order dinner, and talk. You will keep talking until you've worked through whatever this weirdness is that's stopping you be friends. And if you're thinking of running down the clock, the restaurant is open until 2AM and the tables have been booked for the duration."

"Abed!"

"Sit down at your table, Jeff."

Jeff was seriously thinking of running again, but one look at the expression on Troy's face told him he really didn't want to be a tackle dummy so he conceded with as much grace as he could muster.

"Edison? After you."

Thank you, Jeff." Annie said as Jeff pulled out a chair for her and slid it underneath her as she sat down. Jeff took a seat opposite her.

A waiter appeared as if from nowhere and took their drinks order - sparkling mineral water with ice and lemon for Jeff and apple juice for Annie.

"You're looking very attractive tonight, Edison. That's a very charming dress you're wearing."

"This old thing? I just threw it on. You're looking very dashing yourself, Jeff."

"Thanks, this is my pool hustler look."

Jeff could barely believe the rubbish they were talking about.

"What the heck are we doing, Edison? We'll be complimenting each other's hair next!"

There was a hint of a smile on Annie's face. "Yours is nice, Jeff."

"Of course it is! It always is." He smiled himself, then it went away.

"Is this the best we can do, Annie?"

"What do you want to talk about, Jeff?"

"I've no idea - oh, sorry." The waiter had arrived with their drinks and asked if they were ready to order. Jeff and Annie quickly scanned the menu and placed their orders.

"Where was I? Oh yes - what to talk about. Whatever it takes to get our friends-slash-kidnappers to let us go I suppose."

Annie looked him square in the eye. "They want us to talk about why things are so weird between us."

"They're-"

"Don't even try to deny it Jeff. Ever since we - you know - did it things have been terrible."

Jeff looked deep into Annie's eyes and tried to see what was there. It's not the sort of thing he's good at, but his conscience was insisting he owed her the effort. "Oh, crap." He said at last as realisation finally swept over him of the depth of emotional turmoil Annie had been going through. "Something which should have been great has just become another of the ways I've managed to hurt you, hasn't it?"

"Not yet it hasn't." Annie was trying to smile. "I was as keen on it as you at the time, remember?"

"Tha-" Jeff suddenly realised the significance of what she'd said. "What do you mean by not yet?"

Annie froze, with an expression of dismay on her face. Jeff's blood ran cold.

"You've been waiting for me to lose interest in you and walk away now that I've had my way, haven't you? That's why you've been looking so upset all the time."

"I'm sorry Jeff, but -"

"Why should you be any different to most of the other women I've slept with over the years?" Jeff completed her sentence for her. Jeff had a flash of insight as to how this woman - his friend - must see him. He didn't much like what he saw.

Annie nodded miserably. "I've always liked you the way you are Jeff, I've never asked you to change for me. I just don't want to lose the friendship we had."

Jeff sighed. "You've never had to ask, Edison." You change people just by allowing them into your life. Annie looked up at him in surprise. "You remember what I said after you found out about Slater and me?"

"You said a lot of things Jeff."

"I said that knowing you had turned me into someone who could handle being in a relationship. And I really thought I was doing well, too - right up until Slater dumped me."

"You were, Jeff - it's not your fault the first woman you had a proper relationship with turned out to be a bitch."

"Don't be so polite, Edison - she was a female version of me. I got a taste of what it feels like to be used and discarded when the other side gets bored."

You said it so I don't have to. Annie kept that one to herself.

"Are you showing signs of maturity, Jeff?" She said instead.

"I hope not." Jeff replied with a wry smile.

"But here's the thing, Edison. That wasn't the only thing you changed about me. After Michelle dumped me, I tried to go back to my old ways - I really did. I was bitter and disillusioned so I'd put on a sharp suit and go to bars and try to pick up women. I did well, too."

"Jeff, I don't want -"

"Relax, Edison. I'm getting to it - there would always come a point in the evening when an annoying voice at the back of my head would ask me to estimate just exactly how disappointed you'd be if you saw what I was doing. Not angry or distressed - disappointed. And it stopped being fun after that. I'd fake an emergency and leave the bar. I'm not sure I can be that guy anymore - I can't stop treating women as people. And it's all your fault. My conscience wears a bright pastel cardigan these days." He looked at her fondly. A very small voice was screaming at Jeff from deep in his subconscious - you idiot! You've just taken a vow of celibacy for as long as you're friends with this girl! Jeff took a good look at the smile that was just starting to spread across Annie's face and batted that voice aside without a moment's further thought. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Did you just say you can't sleep with women who aren't me anymore? The thought flashed unbidden through Annie's mind. She stamped down on it before it got out of control. No. That's not possible. Surely?

Jeff carried on talking. "Anyway, if I can't do that to strangers any more, there's no way I'm going to do it to you. I meant what I said on my Christmas card to you, you know."

"I am now, and will always be, your friend." Annie said quietly. She had looked at the card so many times she had memorised the contents.

"That's the one."

"You really can talk anyone around, can't you?" Annie smiled fully for the first time that evening.

Jeff grinned. "That's the Winger guarantee, baby."

XXXXXX

"It looks like they're talking." Abed said.

"Yes, but about what? We've got to know!" Troy said.

"It doesn't matter." Joelle said. "Just look at them."

Jeff was casually leaning back in his seat. Annie's face had just lit up at something he'd said. He leaned forward across the table, took hold of her hand and raised it to his lips. He only seemed to say one word, her reply was equally brief, but she blushed and giggled as she said it. They settled back into their seats as the waiter arrived with the food.

"Aw." Troy said.

Joelle looked at Abed. " Mission accomplished?"

Abed nodded. "Operation Crystal is now over."

"So Troy," said Marcia. "Are you seeing anyone?"

The quarterback had a barely concealed expression of panic on his face.