Disclaimer: I don't own Community or anything or anybody appearing in this story. If I did, I'd be a lot happy but I doubt anybody else would be...
Chapter 17 - Recidivism and Rehabilitation
Author's note: Just a piece of fluff this time between the Sturm und Drang of paintball and the Tranny dance. There's also another shout out to one of my commenters...
Week 23
(Jeff and Annie are having lunch in the cafeteria)
"Is that a carb on your plate?" Annie was shocked.
"Portion control is the key, Annie - exercise the right sort of discipline with your regular meals and you can afford the occasional celebration. Today I got a 'B' on my nutrition final, And I'm celebrating with pie and a dollop of whipped irony."
"Nice. And congratulations on the 'B' Jeff - the subject must have been close to your heart." Annie was beaming with pride.
"Like this pie is about to be." Jeff said, sticking his fork in with gusto.
"Excuse me." A teenage boy sitting in the next booth has tapped Jeff on the shoulder to get his attention.
"Hi," said Jeff affably.
"We're in High School, but we're here taking some classes for college credit." The boy indicated himself and three friends sitting at the same table.
"Well, all right. Way to be go-getters!" Jeff was in a good mood and happy to be encouraging.
"Thanks. So we were - we were just wondering. Can you tell us exactly what you did In your life to end up here so that we don't make the same mistake? Because if I end up 35 and celebrating a 'B' In nutrition in community college, I'll kill myself."
"Watch it, kid." Jeff's good mood had evaporated.
"Or what, Schmitty?" The kid was openly sneering at Jeff now.
"He got sent to prison."
Jeff turned to Annie in utter astonishment. She was wearing her best "crazy Annie" grin.
"What?" The teenager only narrowly beat Jeff to it.
"Oh yes," said Annie. "He was seventeen and this other boy was being mean to his high school girlfriend, so he stuck a knife in him and watched him bleed to death." Annie was practically bouncing with excitement. Jeff decided to stay quiet and see where Annie was going with this. The teenagers were looking utterly horrified. One of them - the girl - managed to squeak out -
"So if he did that, why are you here with him?"
"That's easy." Annie was now looking at Jeff with an expression of utter adoration on her face. "When I was in rehab recovering from a nervous breakdown brought on by a drug overdose I read his story in a magazine and thought it was the most romantic thing in the world - so I wrote to him! And he wrote back!" Annie reached over the table and grabbed Jeff's hand. "And we've been hopelessly in love ever since, haven't we, darling?"
Jeff had recovered from his shock and decided to play along when he saw how terrified the obnoxious kids are looking. "That's right, honeybuns. I even think it's thanks to her I made parole" - he'd turned to the kids again - "the board seemed to be very impressed I had been able to form a stable relationship!" He grinned at the teenagers.
"So because neither of us completed our high school diplomas, what with prison and rehab and all" - Annie makes it sound like the most normal thing in the world - "here we are getting the credits we need." She leaned over and whispered "Greendale was the only community college in the state that would let us enroll together."
"Lady, that's cra-" one of the kids started to say, before being interrupted by another.
"-so what did the other guy do to your girlfriend?" He said in a horrified tone of voice.
Jeff was staring intently at the first one. "He called her crazy."
"Erm, we gotta go now." Says the first of the kids to talk. "Nice talking to you." The four of them got up and practically ran out of the cafeteria.
Jeff and Annie held it in until the kids had gone, then collapsed in gales of laughter. "I bet they'll be in city college tomorrow." Said Annie, with a triumphant grin on her face.
Jeff was practically wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh Edison, have I told you how awesome you are recently?"
"Thanks, Jeff." Annie's smile changed to one of delight.
"Erm, Jeff?" Said Annie.
"Yes, Edison?"
"Honeybuns?"
"I have been known to walk behind you on occasion, Edison."
"Jeff!"
XXXXXX
(Later that week)
It's not a date, it really isn't. Yes, after studying is over Jeff offers to take Annie into town and treat her to dinner. Neither of them goes home to change into anything fancy however, so it can't be a date. They also don't go anywhere fancy – a pizza house with plastic furniture, perhaps - so it can't be a date. There's no alcohol either – Jeff doesn't like to draw attention to the fact Annie is under 21, so he contents himself with a diet coke or a mineral water – so it can't be a date. If pushed, Jeff will say he is aware of how tight Annie's finances are, and that making sure she has at least one good meal a week that doesn't come out of her budget is the least he can do as a friend. ("I haven't paid you for all the private tuition I've been getting," he'll say when she demands to go Dutch, "as far as I'm concerned I'm well ahead on the deal." At which she will smile shyly and concede the point.)
Afterwards, they will link arms while Jeff walks her back to her tiny apartment in a terrible part of town and hug when he drops her off. But that's just him being concerned to see her home safe, it's got nothing to do with wanting to make the evening last as long as possible. Annie will kiss him on the cheek and thank him for a lovely evening, but that's just her being polite.
It's a man and a woman sitting at a table, eating a pleasant meal and talking about whatever amuses them and smiling at each other's jokes and walking home afterwards. But both Jeff and Annie will tell you it definitely isn't a date. They also mutually agree that because it most certainly isn't a date they won't tell their friends at Greendale about it – it's completely unimportant, but they won't understand that. Jeff will offer to do it again next week, and the week after, but it won't be a date then either. Don't friends do this sort of thing all the time?
XXXXXX
Week 24 -
(Study Room B)
"Ahh, that's a relief!" Jeff sighed as he sank into his usual seat.
"What is, Jeff?" Annie asked him.
"The tannoy's broken down here – up in Study Room F my group is being forced to listen to the dean's mixtapes of 'relaxing' country and wildlife sounds. I swear – one more babbling brook and Pierce will wet himself."
"Ewww, Jeff." Annie wrinkled her nose in disgust. Jeff thought it looked adorable.
"Nature sounds or not," she continued brightly, "We're not going to have any trouble passing our Spanish final - I've transcribed this semester's notes from my digital recorder."
"You record every class?" Jeff sounded surprised – even by Annie's standards this seemed a touch excessive.
"It works, Jeff." Annie had got her formidable face on. "We're going to spend the next three days boning up then pass the exam and move on to Spanish 103."
"That sounds like a good plan, Annie. But much though I'd like to spend three days alone with you in this hole in the ground," Jeff grinned, Annie blushed slightly. "I do have to spend some time with my Study Group – I was thinking morning sessions down here, afternoon sessions up there and one evening in each place."
Annie wrinkled her brow in confusion. "There are three evenings between now and the exam, Jeff."
"Well, there's this girl I've got in the habit of taking to dinner once a week…" Jeff smiled and winked at her.
Annie smiled back. "You did it once, Jeff, that's hardly a habit."
"Hey – everything has to start somewhere!"
Jeff decided the conversation needed to be pulled back on topic. "Anyway, as I was saying, that's a good plan apart from the ending, Edison. I'm not taking Spanish 103."
"What do you mean?" Annie's face fell suddenly.
Jeff shrugged. "Spanish 102 fills my language requirement."
Annie sounded heartbroken. "I guess I just figured we got together studying Spanish so we'd keep taking Spanish together."
Jeff picked up on her tone and decided to change tack slightly.
"Edison." He said. "I've told you I'm on a tight, four-year schedule to replace my Bachelor's. I'm not going to take an extra class."
Annie's face had fallen even further, if possible. "Jeff-"
Jeff overrode her. "What I can do however is give you a copy of my plan. That way you can pick a selection of courses that fit it for next semester and fill out an application form for me to sign. Then you can apply for as many of them as fit your plan and we'll do those together." Annie's face had lit up again.
"I will say," Jeff continued, "that I have one unmovable appointment - May 23, 2013. I have a table for two at Morty's steak house where I will celebrate becoming a lawyer again."
Annie had a puzzled look on her face. "Erm, wasn't it a table for one the last time you told me this story?"
"What sort of jerk I would be not to treat the tutor who got me there?" He winked at her again.
Annie's face lit up with a big smile, until it was replaced with a look of suspicion.
"Hang on – did you just talk me into doing all the paperwork for you for next year's admission?"
Jeff had a shameless smirk on his face. "You see, Edison – its brains like that that are going to see us through this."
You may think you just got one over on me mister, Annie thought to herself, but do you realise you've just told me you see us being together for at least the next three years?
XXXXXX
(Final Spanish Class before exam)
Chang is looking nervous.
"Winger, may I have a word with you in private?"
"Er, sure?" Jeff looked puzzled.
"Good." Chang looked around the rest of the class and gestured at them to get out. "Okay, come back in ten minutes - and if anyone asks, I sent you to learn things!"
"So you're here because your college degree was fake, right?" Chang turned back to Jeff.
"I prefer the term 'better than real,' but yes."
Chang nodded. "Two questions. Where did you get it, Could you have prevented being caught, and how?"
Jeff has a distinctly bemused expression on his face. "One question. Where did you learn to count questions, and are you telling me you need a fake degree?"
Chang told Jeff how he had failed to get any qualifications because he was trying to make it big as key-tar playing rock star only to end up bagging groceries in a supermarket.
At least I wasted the time I should have been studying on booze and chicks, Jeff thought to himself. Somehow, he doubted that Chang had had the sort of music career that brought him much of either.
"So I did what anyone would do." Chang concluded his story. "I faked my way into a job as a Spanish teacher at a community college relying on phrases from Sesame Street."
"Oh, my God!" The implications of this have just hit home on Jeff.
"Save the judgement Winger, all right? If the Dean finds out that I'm not a real teacher, Your grades are invalid and you'll all have to repeat this class!"
"And why the heck do you think he's going to find out?" Jeff hissed.
"The City Board of Education is doing an inspection after finals, Winger! The dean backed off when I accused him of racism when he tried to check my credentials, but they won't!"
Crap. Jeff thought to himself. Why is it always me who has to sort out this sort of mess? "Okay, listen closely, because I'm only going to say this once and if you get caught you never heard it from me…" He starts whispering.
XXXXXX
(Library, after class)
Annie was diligently transcribing the last recordings she'd made when she reached the recording of the last Spanish class. She was so horrified by what she heard that she played it back, then reached for her phone.
Jeff, what have you done? We need to talk right now! It's really important! AExxx
XXXXXX
Jeff looked at the message with mild amusement. I still get a row of little kisses at the end of a message like that? You're cute when you're angry, Edison.
I'm in the cafeteria, babe. Buy you a coffee? Jeff wasn't ashamed to use the fact that mild flirtation will often knock Annie off whatever high horse she's on at the moment and get him out of whatever passing trouble he's in.
I'm not your babe! She replied instead. Then about ten seconds later he got another message.
Skinny mocha with hazelnut. AExxx
XXXXXX
It was barely five minutes later when Annie slid into the booth opposite Jeff. He passed over the drink she'd asked for.
"What's going on, Edison?"
Annie had a scarily intense expression on her face. "When Chang chased us out of class this morning Jeff I left my voice recorder behind." Jeff's expression abruptly changed from cool and amused to guarded and expressionless. "Switched on." She added.
Oh, crap. Jeff said to himself, but the lawyer in him knew never to volunteer information until he knew what cards the other side held.
"I heard almost everything, Jeff!"
"Almost?" Jeff was still being guarded.
"There was a bit at the end when you were whispering - everything apart from that. What did you tell him?"
"Keep your voice down, Edison!" Jeff hissed. "Nothing he couldn't have found out in a two-minute internet search, I promise. I just said he needed to find a diploma mill with a name that sounded like a real university -"
"Like Colombia?" Annie snapped.
Jeff looked slightly hurt. Annie didn't really care at the moment. "-Send them a cheque and just hope that none of the inspectors are sufficiently familiar with genuine credentials from the real university to spot the difference. That's all I said, honest!" Jeff finished.
"Jeff, we can't let him do this! People come here to learn!"
At Greendale? Fortunately, Jeff kept that one to himself.
"Edison, I agree with you." Jeff felt like he was tightrope walking without a safety net now, but he needed to get her onboard before she went all crazy Annie on him.
"You do?" Her tone was surprised and suspicious.
"Yes, I do. But we have to do it carefully to ensure that only Chang is punished for this."
"What are you talking about, Jeff?" She was still suspicious.
"Think, Annie! You must have heard Chang say it - if he's exposed, all of our grades become invalid! That's you, me, Abed, Troy, Joelle, Marcia, and everybody else in the class - we didn't do anything wrong, we don't deserve to be punished! We worked hard and in good faith - well, you did and I copied you -" Jeff risked a small joke, despite herself Annie couldn't help smiling a little.
"So what do we about Chang then, Jeff? We can't let him continue to fail to teach."
"We let the final exams happen," Jeff felt he was almost in reach of the platform at the other end of the tightrope now, "and let everybody get whatever result they deserve. Then after the semester is over and all the grades have been registered and credits awarded we go to the dean during summer break and tell him what we know. That way he can just refuse to renew Chang's contract without needing to give a reason, but privately tell him he will never get a reference from Greendale for another job without a genuine degree. It's up to Chang then - if he's got any sense he will enroll here and get a degree and try to be a proper teacher. Let him have the same second chance I got, Annie!" Jeff has leaned over the table now and was holding Annie's hands and looking into her eyes with the same look he gave to a jury during a particularly difficult summing up - the I'm too adorable to represent a guilty client look.
Annie visibly melted in front of him. "You're right, Jeff," she smiled. "Greendale is a place for second chances."
Dammit, but I'm good! Jeff thought to himself.
XXXXXX
(The day after Spanish Finals, and the Study Group is gathered around the result board listening to Abed read out the results.)
"Barnes, Troy: 65.
Bennett, Shirley: 83.
Hawthorne, Pierce: 68.
Nadir, Abed: 88." Abed sighed slightly with relief.
Perry, Britta: 77.
Winger, Jeff. I'm sorry, Jeff." Abed looked sad, then smiled. "I'm sorry for the half-hearted mislead! Winger, Jeff: 80!"
The study group cheered. "Not to take anything away from anyone, But didn't the test seem extra easy?" Says Shirley.
"I think Chang has been somewhat distracted," said Jeff sardonically.
"Who wants to get coffee to celebrate?" Britta asked, to general agreement.
"I'll catch up with you guys in a minute, "Jeff said.
Nobody but Abed noticed Annie waiting quietly on the far side of the corridor. Abed looked at Jeff, gave him a nod of understanding and followed the others out.
Annie walked forward, Jeff pretended to be too interested in the results board to notice.
"Edison, Annie: 94." He read out with a smile on his face. "Top of the Class." He turned to face Annie, who was smiling back at him.
"It was only Chang's class." She said with a shrug.
"If it had been a proper teacher teaching proper lessons the scores would have been different but the rankings would have been the same. You earned this, Edison." Annie was smiling again.
"And don't think I don't know who got me from a bare pass to a solid mid-table performance, either."
"Your study group?"
Jeff rolled his eyes. "They can have ten points, the other twenty are yours." He smiled at her again. "What time do you finish around here today?"
"About five, why?"
"I'll see you in the car park about ten past. There's a French bistro in town I've had my eye on that's running a two-for-one offer tonight - I have no intention of eating two meals by myself…"
Are you ready to call it a date, yet? Was the first thought that flashed through Annie's head. She put the slight twinge of irritation aside and put on a smile of her own. "That would be stupid, Jeff - think of your figure. I'll see you then." Annie turned around and headed off down the corridor. Jeff could almost swear she was skipping as he watched her go. When she turned round a corner he turned in the other direction and went to catch up with the rest of the study group.