I let Vic cuff Barlow without me but I'm not comfortable leaving her to transport him herself. I don't trust him to not continue his downward spiral into stupid decisions and I'm certain after what he's already done that he would not bat an eye at taking Vic out in an effort to escape. Desperate men take desperate measures. I know that better than anyone else right now. Not that long ago I would have been willing to take Vic out myself if she had been standing in my way. Hell, I already tried once and probably would have been successful if Walt hadn't pulled me off of her. If Barlow were to hurt Vic and Walt found out I could have prevented it I can forget having any chance of getting my job back. He's made it perfectly clear how he feels about her even if he isn't admitting it to himself.
A short time ago all that had mattered was finding David Ridges, everyone else be damned. It's strange how much a week and a death can change a man's perspective. I hadn't realized how deeply I had spun out of control after being shot until it was suddenly over. When I saw Ridges' body in the back of Walt's truck the crazy started to drain away. He had consumed me entirely and he was finally no longer a threat. Even so, I couldn't stop myself from breaking into the morgue and really studying his body. I wanted to know what drove him, what made him do the things he did. Because he had been in my head, I wanted to be in his. I'm not sure if I found any answers but it helped me to come back into myself. I was really thinking clearly for the first time since Cady had broken up with me. I knew she had ended our relationship because of her dad and that made me want to win that election more than ever. I had even been willing to compromise and partner with Jacob Nighthorse to do it. But in the end it didn't really matter.
Once I realized Cady had been hurt I didn't give a damn about being sheriff. All I wanted to do was find the man who hurt her and when the evidence pointed to Nighthorse I couldn't forgive myself. Ridges had been the key to nailing him. When the tables turned and Ridges came after me, it only fed my insatiable need to find the truth. Realizing that Barlow and Nighthorse had been working together? That was a kick in the gut. He had always said he hated Nighthorse. He probably does, but as he said, Nighthorse served a purpose and Barlow was more than willing to use him to his advantage as well as I had. My father also seemed to have no regret about the fact that the man he had hired to make sure Walt's wife was killed had tried to kill me as well. But of course, my old man had never really seemed to like me much and he was certainly never satisfied with my decision to go into law enforcement. To him being a deputy to Walter Longmire was just about the most menial position I could take.
I never understood why Barlow hated Walt so much, but to have his wife killed was beyond anything I could have imagined. I may not always see eye to eye with Walt, but deep down I know he's a good man and a good sheriff. I'm not giving up on my plans to be sheriff myself one day, but I can see where I still can learn some things from him until that time comes. I only hope that he's willing to let me continue to learn. I know that any problems between Walt and I are of my own making. He took me back into the fold after I lost the election. He didn't hesitate to come look for me on the reservation when I had called him after I was shot. I can't blame him for not believing me about the shooter. I probably wouldn't have believed him if he had been high on peyote and said a dead man had shot him either, especially after getting the DNA evidence back on those ashes. But even with that he was willing to re-open the Ridges case. He and Vic both went with me to look for Ridges in the caves. He trusted that it was okay that I had gone to Colorado with Cady, when in actuality he probably shouldn't have. Perhaps what meant the most was he understood what I needed after Ridges was dead. He could have blown right past me on the road because he really had no reason to stop. He could have given me a lecture about my behavior. He didn't do either of those things. In fact, he hadn't said a word until we got back to the station. He didn't say I could never come back, only that he didn't know how or when. Walt has shown me more grace than I deserve and I plan to do whatever I can to earn his trust back starting with Barlow and Nighthorse.
As for Vic, I'm glad she didn't hang up on me when I called. She had every right to. I knew calling Walt was not the best idea. After Barlow's confrontation with Ferg when he came to pick me up that day at the station, I wasn't sure he was a good option either. That left Vic. She has never really liked me. I imagine my cocky ass attitude didn't help with that. Still, she's a good cop and she's fair. When I pushed, she pushed back. That's what she should do. God knows she had enough on me to go to Walt earlier than she did. She tried to give me a chance to straighten up but like Walt, she's driven by a strong sense of right and wrong. I wonder what I would have done if I had been in her position back in Philadelphia. I've never worked with a dirty cop so it's easy to be mad at her for blowing the whistle on that guy when I've never been in that position. I can relate to the other guy much better. Most of my life I have used my social and financial power to my advantage. That's all that guy was doing but it doesn't make it right. I simply didn't like being on the receiving end of Vic's ethical code. I've always been able to do what I want because I'm a Connally and she didn't give a shit about my last name. I should probably tell her thank you for stopping me before I turned into my father, willing to to whatever it takes to get what I want. While I know if push came to shove she would choose Walt over me in a heartbeat, I can't say that I blame her after the way I have acted the last 12 months. I know she's not really here for me but for him. He's going to need some support to get through this latest development in Martha's case. I'm a little jealous to be honest. Doesn't seem like I have anyone. That's my fault too. I've got some work do once the dust settles.
Vic comes out of the room with a satisfied look on her face, "They aren't done with him yet but I convinced them he was a flight risk so they let me handcuff him to the table."