A/N: I know that you guys all think that I was a little hard on Kurt last chapter, and that I was favoring Finn. I'm not. They were a pair of assholes in Theatricality, and I'm blaming them both. So enjoy Finn.
Finn POV
"Finn, what happened?" Mom had asked me that a bunch of times already, but I wouldn't tell her. I just kept shaking my head over and over. I didn't want to tell her, because it was all my fault and I didn't want her to be mad at me.
We were sitting outside our old landlord's house, waiting for him to give us back the key so we could go home. That was all I had wanted two hours ago, and now it seemed like the worst thing in the entire world.
"If you won't tell me what happened, I'm just going to have to assume that Burt's version is the correct one, and go from that. Is there anything you want to say in your defense?" She had turned so we were face to face. "Finn, I won't let anything happen to you. Are you afraid to tell me because of Burt? Did he threaten you or hurt you?"
I shook my head. Burt had scared me, but he hadn't hurt me. "No."
"Had he done something to hurt you in the past? He hasn't put his hands on you, has he?"
I didn't know if she meant hitting me or groping me, but he hadn't done either one, so I shook my head again. "He's never done anything to me."
"Why did you think he would hit me, then?" She was doing that same thing that Kurt always did, where he looked away and pretended that he wasn't that interested in the answer, when he really couldn't think about anything else.
"I….I don't know?" I really didn't. Burt wasn't a bad person. He wouldn't do anything to Mom. "I just thought he would."
But there was something in the back of my mind, something from a long time ago. I closed my eyes, trying to remember what had happened. There was no picture, but I remembered angry voices. One of them was Mom's and one was….I didn't know. A mans, and one that wasn't totally strange to me. Then there was a slap and….nothing.
"Finn? What are you thinking about?" Mom sounded worried.
"Nothing." Was that memory real? Had one of Mom's boyfriends hit her? Or was I just imagining things?
Obviously you remember something, or you wouldn't have made the leap to Burt wanting to hurt her. But now is probably not the right time to bring it up.
"Ok. So let's talk about what happened to night. Did you use the word that Burt claimed you did?"
"Yes." It was much easier when she just asked me the questions that I could answer with a few words.
"And I'm going to assume that you used it to refer to Kurt."
That wasn't really a question, but I nodded anyway. "Yes." I had said it, and I had to own up to it.
"I'm very disappointed in you. How could you use that word to refer to anyone, much less someone you love? Would you call your friend Mercedes a nigger?"
I jumped when she said that. Mom doesn't swear, and especially doesn't use words like that. Also, I'm pretty sure that Mercedes isn't my friend any more. She's going to be on Kurt's side in all of this. "No."
"Then what made you think that it was ok to call Kurt a fag?"
"I didn't." I had to make her understand, and I knew that I wasn't doing a very good job of it.
"You just told me that you did." She was starting to get pissed, which is never a good sign. "Don't lie to me Finnegan Jacob."
Two names is never good. "I'm not. What I meant was-"
She put up her hand to stop me when our old landlord came out with the key and gave it to her. "Here you are, Carole. Finn, you hang in there, Buddy."
"Ok. Thanks?" I knew that it sounded like a question, but I was confused. What did he mean by that?
Mom thanked him again and pulled out of the driveway. "What did he mean by that?"
"Don't try to change the subject on me, but if you must know, I told him the truth about why we needed the house back. That my boyfriend was terrorizing you, and I wouldn't put up with it. You are more important to me then Burt Hummel, and I want you to understand that."
Oh, now she got it. If she had acted like I mattered any time since we moved in, maybe we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place. "I do." Kind of. Not really. Maybe.
Mom nodded, but she wasn't going to let the rest of it go. "Go back to what we were talking about before. Are you telling me that you didn't call Kurt that terrible name?"
"No. I called him that." I made myself stop and think my words out carefully. If I didn't do it this way, I would end up making everything even more confusing. "But I didn't think that it was ok. I said it because I knew that it wasn't."
"So you were deliberately attempting to be as hurtful as possible towards him, am I understanding this?" She was getting madder, but trying to hide it. She's big on telling the truth, and making sure that any punishment is way less if I do it instead of lying.
"Uh-huh." I had to take a few deep breaths so I wouldn't start crying. It was hard to hear, but it was true. "I was trying to hurt his feelings."
"Why? You love Kurt, Finn. Why could he have possibly done that would make you want to hurt him like that?" She didn't even sound mad anymore. She just sounded confused, which was even worse.
"He started it! Except maybe I did, because I acted like an asshole and picked a fight with him, but he said the really mean stuff first!" I had to make her understand that this wasn't something I had done out of the blue.
"What did he say to you that was as cruel as what you said to him?"
I couldn't tell her. She already feels bad enough about everything that's wrong with me, and I didn't want her to feel even worse. I've already fucked up my life, and her life, and probably Burt and Kurt's life already tonight. It would be stupid to keep going. So I shook my head again. "I don't want to tell you."
She took a few deep breaths, and I knew that she was trying really hard not to make this situation even worse then it already was. "If you don't talk to me, Finn, I can't fix this thing.
No one was going to be able to fix what went wrong tonight. "I can't."
"Fine. It's late, emotions are running high, and this is too much. We'll talk about this more in the morning."
Lucky for us, a lot of the old furniture is still at the house, including our beds. She was smart enough to grab the box that had some sheets and blankets in it, so we would be ok for tonight. I don't know how we're going to get the rest of our stuff, but I would rather lose all of it then go back there. I don't want to be anywhere near either one of them again, period.
Besides, I'm kind of thinking that I might not have very much stuff left anyway. If I know Kurt, he's on a rampage right now, and has probably ruined most of it. I might throw tantrums, but so does he. If he doesn't light all of my stuff on fire, I'll be pretty damn lucky.
Do you know Kurt? When you woke up this morning, would you have ever guessed that he would have no problem calling you a retard? I'm thinking that maybe the two of you don't know each other as well as you think you do. And judging by the look on his face when you mouthed off, I'll bet that he didn't think you would be willing to call him a fag either.
That was true. Maybe my stuff wasn't on fire after all. Maybe I would get really lucky and Kurt would just burn my school stuff. No, wait, my backpack was still in Mom's car. Damn.
Mom threw a set of sheets at me and pointed up the stairs. "Go to bed, Finn. We'll try and sort this entire mess out in the morning."
"Ok." Shit. Tomorrow was Saturday, which meant that she didn't work and I didn't have school. So we were going to be able to spend all day with her nagging me until she wore me down and I had to tell her the true story about what happened. Great.
She's been making me do my own bed for a couple of years now, so I didn't have any trouble getting the sheets on and climbing into bed. I thought it would feel good to have my room back, or even just to have a bed to sleep in, but it didn't. I still felt angry and sad and sick to my stomach all mixed together.
I was almost asleep when I heard some rocks hit the window. Oh, fuck no. I pulled the blankets up over my head, but I heard the pebbles again and again. Puck was out there, and he wanted to be let in.
I didn't want to talk to him, but if I didn't, he would just keep at it until Mom heard him, and I would rather deal with him then her. So I got up and opened the window for him. Once he knew I was awake, he boosted himself up on to the porch roof and came inside. "Dude, what the Hell did you do?"
Of course he knew. He kind of had to, because he came here instead of Kurt's house, but I wondered how he found out so fast. Maybe Mom was trying to use him as some sort of spy? "Huh?" If I played stupid long enough, people usually just gave up and told me everything, rather then making me guess.
He slugged my shoulder. Not hard enough to really hurt, but enough to get my attention. "You're a cockblocker, Finn! I had a pretty sure thing with Mercedes, and then she calls me screaming about how you're the devil incarnate, and you hurt the Princess's feeling by calling him names or something, and it's over between the two of us and over between you two, too. Also that Kurt's dad kicked you out of the house. What the fuck, dude?"
I didn't want to cry in front of Puck, but I kind of couldn't help my eyes getting all wet anyway. "Burt didn't kick me out. I mean, he totally would have, but Mom said we were leaving first."
"Why?" He sat down on the bed. "Come on, Dude, talk to me. Is it really over between you and Kurt?"
"Big time." If I wasn't sure of anything else, I knew that Kurt and I were broken up, probably forever.
"Why? I mean, the two of you were pretty good together. A little gushy and gross, but happy."
Way to rub it in my face, Puck. It got me irritated, and I glared at him. "Because I called him a fag."
"Why? Because, in case you haven't noticed, Doofus, you're a little on the fag side yourself these days."
"Thanks. I'm so glad you came over tonight so you call me names and tell me how stupid I am. Appreciate it." At least I had managed to learn some nasty sarcasm from Kurt.
"Don't blame me because you acted like a dick. I'm just trying to figure out what happened. Don't get me wrong, now. I'm on your side no matter what. Bros before hos and all that shit. But I want the truth about what happened. You can be a jerk, but I somehow doubt that you just called Hummel a fag for no reason."
I didn't want to tell Puck what had happened either, but it did help to hear that he was on my side. I picked at my comforter. "He called me a retard."
"He did?" Puck swung around and punched the pillow. I didn't even bother jumping. "That fucker! Nobody picks on my boy and gets away with it. If he thinks that he can say whatever the fuck he wants and get away with it just because he's cute and all the girls like him, he's wrong. This is war."
I didn't want that. I mean, yeah, Kurt was wrong and all, but so was I. I really like Puck being on my side, but I don't want this to go any further then it already has. Plus, Puck could really hurt Kurt if he wanted to, and I definitely don't want that. I don't think that he would actually beat up on Kurt, but all he had to do was whisper in a few ears that it was open season on Kurt, and it would be on. A few dumpster tosses or slushies were bad enough, but Karofsky is fucking crazy. I hate Kurt right now, but I don't want to see him with all his teeth knocked out or something.
"Leave him alone. Just do what we did last year and ignore him. We can just pretend that none of this ever happened." That was the best way to handle all of this. No screaming, no tantrums, no one getting the crap beaten out of them. Perfect.
"How's that going to work in Glee club? The two of you aren't going to be able to avoid each other three times a week for the rest of the year. Or are we dropping Glee? Because I'm cool with whatever you are."
I hadn't even thought about Glee. I didn't want to snitch on Kurt, but I didn't know if he would snitch on me. If he did that, he was going to be able to turn the entire club against me. Because I have to be honest here, if you just hear his side of the story, things look pretty bad for me. Maybe I should just quit.
But I loved Glee. Well, not the dancing. I don't see how anyone can like the stupid dancing parts. But the singing was awesome, and I liked being in charge of something where people actually listened to me. They used to listen in football, but not any more. Plus, I wasn't doing any other sports because of my arm.
Plus, why should I have to give it up? It was just as much Kurt's fault as mine, and there wouldn't have even been a Glee club without me. I was the one who found the music and got everyone together after Mr. Shue dumped us. I mean, yeah, he came back and everything, but I kept us together without him.
That made the club more mine than Kurt's. "We're not dropping Glee. Well, you can do whatever you want to, but I'm not going to. I'm not letting Kurt run my life."
He grinned, but it wasn't his happy grin. It was his 'lets go wild and light shit on fire' grin. "I'm with you, bro. No matter what, you and I stick together."
This is what I like about Puck, even after everything that happened with Quinn and Drizzle. When it really counts, he's always on my side. "So what do I do now? Do I just pretend that he doesn't exist, or do I at least try to make it up with him a little? It's going to suck if we're fighting the whole time."
"Why are you asking me? If I knew how to makeup with someone who was pissed at me, I wouldn't have to keep getting new girlfriends. I usually just end up waiting a year until they forget and chasing after them again. So I would go with ignore."
Ok, ignore him. I could do that. After all, I had ignored Kurt for the first year and a half of high school; I could ignore him for the next two. Or maybe I would get really lucky and he would move away or something.
Finn, his father owns a business in Lima. The two of the aren't going anywhere. But try to ignore him. Let me ask you though: do you really want to take love advice from Noah Puckerman? Is this the love life you want to model yourself after?
No. What I wanted was a fucking time machine so I could go back in time and not call Kurt names. Now that I was out of the situation, I don't know why I had to act like such an asshole. Yeah, the room was ugly, but what did I care? It wasn't my room. I didn't even have to look at it if I didn't want to.
It was just…when I looked at that room, all I saw was the $300 that he had probably used to decorate it. The money that Burt had given to me, not Kurt. If I had the $300, I could have bought a better air mattress. One that didn't leak and collapse in the middle of the night. Or even a real mattress. Those don't cost very much, do they? I needed it more then he did, and seeing it used to buy…whatever the fuck he had done to that room. The longer I looked at it, the madder I got and when Kurt finally turned around and saw me I blew up. It was stupid and it made me feel totally ashamed of myself.
"Do you think he's going to let me do that? He's not really the type to let things go." That was the nicest possible way to say that when Kurt got fixated on something, there was no shaking him loose.
Puck laughed. "Dude, if there's one thing I know; it's how to ditch a clinging chick. You give me one hour, and Hummel will never look at you again."
"I don't know if I want that." My eyes burned and I looked away. "I want things to be like they were."
"You are the most unbelievable pussy, Finesssa." But he did put his hand on my hip, letting me know that he was still there. "If you still want to swing that way, there are dicks all over McKinley. Otherwise, I'll find you a girl. Brit still thinks you're cute, and I know that Berry would drop her panties for you."
Brit was pretty, but she wasn't Kurt. Rachel was all kinds of awesome, but she wasn't Kurt either. Plus, you know, she was also kind of with Jesse. No one else would ever be Kurt and I didn't want to think about being with them. "No, I don't want anyone else."
"So you want Hummel back, then? You're pussy whipped. Or cock whipped. Whatever." He looked confused, which is great, because I was confused, too.
"I don't want him back." I didn't. What he had said to me was terrible, and I didn't know if I would ever be able to forgive that. Not that I was any better, but maybe that was a sign right there? "I just wish it didn't end like this, because I love him."
I expected that he would rag even harder on me for that, but he just nodded. "Sure. I get that."
Oh, thank God. Now we could talk about him fucking up his life instead of me fucking up mine. I rolled over so I could look at him. "Quinn?"
"Yeah. Its crazy how quick shit when bad there."
Really? Because I think that sleeping with someone else's girlfriend, especially your best friends, and getting her pregnant, then lying about it forever while sleeping with other girls at the same time is pretty much the definition of things going bad. It's really, really stupid, and if I know it's stupid, it's really really dumb. King Kong mega dumb. But I already lost one friend tonight, and things are just getting back to normal with Puck and me, so I nodded. "Yeah, it blew up fast."
"Are you still mad about it?" He tried to sound all cool and like he didn't care, but I knew that he did.
Honestly, I hadn't even really thought about it in a while. It still kind of hurts when I see how big Quinn is getting, and think that that baby should have been mine, but not like it did before. Yeah, it should have been my baby, but it wasn't. Mr. Fabray had made that very clear when he paid me off.
Which led to…
Not a whole lot. I still had the money hidden in my special stuff, which I had taken from Kurt's house. Hey, I guess I could have used that to get a better air mattress. But I didn't know if I should have to. Wasn't that Mom and Burt's job to take care of me? Plus, there would be all kinds of questions about where it came from that I wouldn't know how to answer, and I didn't want that.
You're still not getting it. Do you think you getting so upset with Kurt over money have anything to do with the money that you've been hoarding for the past few weeks? Should we maybe look a little deeper into this?
Mr. Fabray's money didn't have anything to do with Kurt's money, did it? Did it? I mean, he and Burt were both guys who gave me money to pay me of so I could keep my mouth shut and not cause a huge scene and….oh. Maybe Quinn-voice had a point.
"Finessa? Dude, yes or no on the mad thing?"
"No. It's over now." I sat up. "But I need an opinion."
"Sure. But if we're rating guys so you can hook up with Hummel 2.0, I'm not the one to ask. You're going to need a chick, if any of them will talk to you after this." I shot him a dirty look and he held up his hands. "Just, saying. Now, what is it?"
If anyone knows about things like bribes and blackmail and generally douchary, it's Puck. "Ok, so Quinn's dad came over to my house the other day. He basically told me to butt out, and that he knew that I wasn't the real dad that you were. He knew that I had given her my paychecks from when I worked at the restaurant, too, and he wanted to make that up to me. So he gave me $1500."
Puck's eyes got so wide I'm surprised that they didn't fall out of his head. "He did what? That douchelord! And really, Dude? You have $1500 and you didn't tell me? Do you know how much damage we could do with that?"
Well, yeah. That's kind of why I didn't tell him. Puck's ideas are usually awesome, but they're also usually kind of stupid and dangerous. Now to mention that he would spend all of my money, and I wanted to keep it. Even though Mr. Fabray had given to me as a bribe, the original money had come from my paycheck. So technically, I had earned that money and I shouldn't have to share it.
"Wait, where's the money now?" His eyes narrowed. "How much of it have you spent already?"
"It's in my dresser and none. I'm saving it for something special." I didn't worry about telling him that. Puck might steal girlfriends when the mood struck him, but he wouldn't take my money. "I thought that maybe I would use it to do something special with Kurt, but that's not happening now so I don't know."
"We'll figure something out. You and me Finn, we're going to be alright."
I wondered which one of us he was trying to convince. Because both of our lives are doing some major sucking right now, and I don't see a way out for either one of us. Still, I had to open my mouth and say something, even if it was stupid. "You could still keep her."
"Who?" He was confused.
"Drizzle. If you want to keep her, you can. All you have to do is not sign the adoption papers and you can take her home from the hospital and keep her. It doesn't matter what Quinn wants, because as soon as the Drizzle's born, she's both of yours equally, not just hers."
I don't know why I told him that. I mean, Puck deserves to know that he has rights and everything, but the thought of him actually being the only one responsible for a baby is kind of scary. He takes good care of Sarah when his Mom is at work, but babies are different. You have to do everything for them and you can't get distracted and start sexting Cheerios or sneak out for a hook-up. I don't think that Puck can do that. But didn't he deserve a chance? Maybe he could do it after all. Drizzle would probably have a better chance of turning out ok with Puck for a Dad then Quinn's father.
"No I can't. If I keep her, my life is over. It's not like I give a shit about college or anything, but I want to be better then a Lima Loser. Beth needs to be better then a Lima Loser, too, and that's what we'll both end up being if I keep her. Quinn's right, even if it's because she's being selfish."
Wow. I guess we're all maturing, even if it's been kind of slow. But if I said that to Puck, he would probably slug me. So I just nodded. "Is Beth the name you picked out for her?"
"Yeah. Her real parents will probably pick something different, but she's my daughter now, and that's what I want to call her." He didn't look at me when he said it, so I looked away, too. It's just what you do with other guys.
"Beth's a pretty name. It sucks the way things turned out."
"Yeah, well, it sucks the way things turned out tonight for you, too. Even though it's kind of your fault, but Beth is kind of my fault so I guess we're even." He sat up. "Look, I have a hook-up in 15 minutes, so I have to go. So, our plan for tomorrow is to totally ignore Hummel? What are we going to do if he rats you out for calling him a fag?"
I was pretty sure that he wouldn't, but not entirely. "If he tells, I tell. Just let me know before you say anything. I can do it myself. And how did you get another hook-up already? I thought Mercedes as a sure thing?"
"She was, but then you ruined things. Luckily, I always have a back-up girl. Santana might not have been able to make a real man out of you, but she always has time for the Puckasaurus."
That was gross on so many levels. I wanted to tell him to remember some protection this time, so he didn't end up having to give away another baby but I didn't. Obviously I shouldn't be giving relationship advice to anyone. "Good luck with that."
He fist bumped me lightly. "Good luck with Hummel. And remember: he's not better then you. You were a douche, and he was a douche and you're both at fault. So don't let him get on his high horse and pretend that this was all you. And if you really need me, there's always going to be a dumpster with his name on it."
"Thanks, Dude, but leave him alone. I'm fine with ignoring him." Even if it made my heart feel like it was ripping out of my chest.
"If you insist. You need a ride on Monday?"
Oh, yeah, I wasn't going to be riding with Kurt any more. "Good idea. Have fun with Santana."
"Always. See, you." He squeezed back out the window and was gone. So here I was. Alone. All by myself. No one around but Mom, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to talk to me either. It was just me in my old bedroom, which didn't feel or look or smell like mine any more either.
And whose fault is that? Oh right, it's yours.
It was. Not 100%, but mostly. I could have done a lot more to make things better. I could have pushed Mom more; I could have been nicer to Kurt. Shit, I could have even tried Burt, even though he scared me before and he scares me even worse now. Fuck that, I don't want to live in a house with someone who's just waiting for an opportunity to get rid of me. Puck was right. Mom's boyfriends might be nice to your face, when they want something from you, especially, but, once they get it, you're out of there.
"Finn? Are you ready to talk to me?" Mom was standing in the doorway. "Since I'm sure you've already talked to Noah."
Wait, how had she known the Puck had been here? I didn't bother asking, because I knew that she wouldn't tell me. "Yeah."
She came in and sat down on the bed. "Tell me what happened."
"He took my money and you didn't do anything! Neither did Burt." I sounded really mean, and that was the first time I realized that I was really mad at Mom for a lot of this. It was her job to stick up for me and she didn't. She let Kurt push me around, and she let Burt push me around and she didn't do anything to help. "How come you did that?"
It hurt her, and I knew it, but I had to know. I couldn't trust Quinn, and I couldn't trust Mr. Shue, and I couldn't trust Puck, and I couldn't trust Burt, and I couldn't trust Kurt. I had found of all of those things in the past few months. All of them had betrayed me on purpose. I couldn't understand why Mom would do the same thing.
"I don't know." She put her hand on my shoulder, the same way Puck had done earlier. "Things were already tense, and I didn't want to make it even worse. Burt said that he would speak to Kurt later and get the money back."
"He didn't. Or he did and Kurt didn't give it to me. You let them both be mean to me and you didn't do anything about it." I sniffled and wiped at my eyes.
She was crying, too, and it made me feel even worse. At least when she was crying about Quinn being pregnant, she was a little happy too because she was going to be a grandma. Now she was just sad, and it made me feel even worse. I tried to fix it for her. "But you did tonight. You didn't let them be mean to me, and you rescued me. You're a good Mom. The best Mom."
"No, you're right. I let both of them bully you, and I didn't do anything to stop it. I'm sorry, Finn."
Hearing her say that made me feel a little better. She could apologize, and I would forgive her, of course. She's my Mom and I love her. "It's ok. I love you."
She squeezed me tightly. "It's not, and you're right. But tell me what happened tonight. I will always love you, and I just want to know the truth. I am not going to punish you."
"I made the fight happen." That part was 100% my fault, and I had to admit it to her. "I came back to their house, and I was really happy. The guys and I did such a good job on our KISS routine. Even better then I thought we would do. We did it by ourselves with no help." I don't know why I was telling her that part. It was cool and all, but it didn't really have anything to do with what happened next. Or maybe it did. It kind of feels like everything has to do with everything else right now.
"I'm sure it was wonderful."
"It was awesome. Mr. Shue probably taped it if you want to see it some time." I knew that I sounded a little braggy, but I was proud of what we had managed to do. Usually those sorts of things ended up blowing up in my face. "So, when I came back to Burt's house, I was feeling pretty good. But then I went to go down and say hi to Kurt, and he had decorated the whole basement. It was really….weird" I wanted to call it ugly, like I had to Kurt's face, but Mom probably didn't want to hear that part. "It was fancy and all that, but it looked like some sort of Saudi Arabian whorehouse." Fuck you, Kurt; I said it right that time.
"Kurt can decorate his own bedroom however he wants to. He doesn't need your approval to do it." She was still gentle, but she was also using her 'don't bullshit me' voice.
"I know, it's just….just…." It was hard to get the words out. They were all stuck in my throat and bouncing around in my head. It was partially because I didn't like the way I had acted, but partially because I was realizing new things as I was talking. "Burt keeps telling me to be patient, and he'll work on getting me a real room as soon as he gets the extra money together at the garage and has a few free weekends. Then he has a really good week, and he gives all the money to Kurt! I know that Kurt's his real kid and everything, but he already has everything he fucking asks for. He doesn't need more shit. I needed somewhere other then the living room to sleep. But Burt doesn't care about that. He already had you, and he didn't want me any more. How am I ever supposed to get anything if he keeps giving all the money away?"
"So you punished Kurt because you didn't agree with what Burt did with the money?" I started to defend myself, but she held up her hand. "I've already told you that you aren't going to be punished. I just want to know the full story."
"Yeah, that was how it started out. I was mad about Burt and Kurt was there, so I yelled at him." I hadn't even thought about it at the time, but Mom was right and I had been a jerk.
"How do you know that Burt didn't have money set aside for you as well? It doesn't have to be one of you getting everything while the other gets nothing."
Liar. Mom might know when I'm telling a lie, but I know when she's doing it, too. There wasn't any money set aside for me. So I pulled a trick I learned from Rachel and stared right into her eyes. "Does he have money to build my addition?"
She looked away, which was how I knew that I was right. "I don't know. But that part doesn't matter. Tell me what happened after you came home and saw Kurt redecorating."
"I got mad, and I told him that the room was ugly. So he got mad, too." I had to close my eyes and think about what had happened then. Had he started calling names first, or had that been me? I couldn't remember.
"So we started name calling and getting mean. Then he said that I still couldn't tell my left from my right, and I said that I could, but I was all worked up and I got them wrong again. So he said that I would end up bagging groceries and I told him that he would probably starve to death in New York somewhere, because everyone there would be just like him and he wouldn't be super special any more. That was when he got really mad and so did I."
I stopped there and Mom had to try and get me going again. "Is that when you called him what you did?"
"No. He called me a retard first." I still couldn't believe he had done that. I was just as bad, obviously, but didn't the fact that he had done it first mean anything? At least a little bit?
Mom turned the same color that Burt had. It's a scary purple that made me wonder if she was about to die. But she didn't freak out like Burt had. "He did. Ok. And that was when you decided to call him a fag."
Really, I don't even remember deciding to call him that. It just flew out of my mouth. "Yeah. I wanted to make him feel as bad as I did."
By the way, I do know that that's a mean thing, maybe even meaner then what Kurt did, because it made me happy to see him miserable.
Don't you think that it made him happy, too? He didn't decide to call you a retard to brighten your day; he did it to hurt you as badly as possible. For once, Puck and I agree on something.
"Was that when Burt came downstairs?"
"Yeah. No, wait. He wanted to hit me, I could tell." As bad as things had gotten, and least I hadn't hit Kurt.
"Burt? You told me that he didn't touch you." She was trying to stay all calm, but I could tell that she was ready to kill someone, probably Burt.
"No, Kurt. He made a fist at me and I knew that he wanted to use it. I told him that if he did, I would hit him back. That was when Burt came downstairs and he started screaming at me. He didn't even ask what happened like you did. He just immediately blamed me even though it was Kurt's fault, too. That was when you came in and saved me." It was a little embarrassing that I had needed my Mommy to come in and protect me, but Burt had been scary. I really thought that he might do something to hurt me. He was seriously pissed off.
"But he didn't touch you? You would tell me if he hit you, right Finn?" She was so worried about that.
"He didn't."
Mom shook her head "I think Burt and I need to have a talk, then. I'm going to call him right now."
She started to stand up, but I grabbed her arm. "No! Don't call Burt! Please don't."
"Why not? Finn, how he treated you was unfair, and he needs to know that. Kurt deserves to be punished for what he said as well."
"Can't we just leave Kurt and Burt alone now? It's over between you two and it's over between me and him. It doesn't matter if Kurt gets punished or not." I don't know why I was arguing about this. Shouldn't I want to see him in trouble?
Because you love him. Stupid, irrational, idiotic love, but its there. Why do you think I'm still chasing after Puck? Because there's a connection that can't be broken, no matter how much you hate them.
"It isn't fair to you. It's not fair for Burt to blame only you for the fight."
True, but that wasn't the point. "I don't care what Burt thinks. I never want to see him again, and I definitely don't want to talk to him. He's never going to believe that it's Kurt's fault too, anyway." Burt thinks that Kurt is 100% perfect, and he's sure as shit not going to believe that Kurt can be just as big of an asshole as I can.
Then a horrible thought occurred to me. "Do you want to get back with Burt? Because I'm not living there again. I'll go live at Puck's house or I'll run away. Period." Maybe I hadn't made myself clear that last time, but if she thought she was getting me back over there, she was wrong. I'm bigger and stronger then her, and I'm not letting her trick me like she did last time.
"I'm not going to be with a man who thinks he can go after you with no consequences. But I do think that it's important everyone understand exactly what happened tonight. We pushed things way too fast, and now everyone is suffering because of it."
She wasn't saying that she would never take Burt back. I wanted to point that out, but that would make me a huge hypocrite. If I could figure out what went wrong and how to change it, I would take Kurt back, too, no matter how big of a jerk he had been. Love makes you really stupid. So I didn't say anything about that. "I don't want to live there again."
"I won't make you." She put both hands on my face and tipped it up so we were looking at each other. "Do you understand me, Finn? I will not make you live with Burt Hummel again if you don't want to. But this has to be sorted out."
"Ok. But I'm not talking to him." It wasn't worth fighting about, since she would win anyway. I had to save my temper fit for something I actually had a chance of changing.
"You won't have to. I'll take care of everything."
Yeah, because she had done such a great job last time. "Ok. I want to go to bed now."
Not really, but I did want to be left alone. "I'll see you tomorrow."
She let it go. "Ok. I love you, and I'm glad you told me the truth. Maybe this will all have blown over by Monday."
I didn't even bother dignifying that with a response. I'm nowhere near as stupid as Kurt apparently thinks I am, and I know way better. Monday was going to be hell.