A/N: Finn's song is "Better as a Memory" by Kenny Chesney.
Finn POV
Ouch. Don't get me wrong, I knew that Kurt was pissed at me. I just didn't know that he was this pissed. This was 'they pre-empted Project Runway for a stupid presidential address, but I'm going to make you watch it anyway Finn, because you need to know all about current events' kind of mad.
Also, is it bad that I thought Kurt was looking pretty good in those leather pants? So sue me, he's got a hot body. Besides, me looking at his body was kind of the point, otherwise he wouldn't be wearing those pants. Those are what Puck calls 'Fuck You' pants. You only wear them when you want to make someone jealous of what they don't have any more, and what someone else can get. Message received.
So I was kind of jealous, and kind of hurt, and kind of embarrassed that Kurt had called me out in front of everyone. But mostly, I was just sad. I miss Kurt. I wish I had just kept my mouth shut in the basement instead of picking a huge fight for no reason other then I was in a pissy mood.
Kurt was kind of off, though. I don't know if anyone else saw it, but I know him. He started out strong, but the minute we made eye contact, he flinched a little. He didn't stop, but he lost some of his spark. I didn't want him to get all screwed up, because there's nothing worse then freezing in front of everyone, so I looked down instead. Well, that and the fact that my eyes were kind of stinging and I didn't want anyone to see that.
Rachel patted my leg, and I sat back up and rested my arm on the back of her chair. She's got a broken heart right now, too, and we kind of have to stick together. I don't want her back, because I don't want anyone right now. I don't even know if I want Kurt back.
He had been really great, though. His song was so different from what he usually does. He usually does pretty things. This was a sexy thing. Even though it made me sad, I was still kind of happy that he was doing such a good job.
At least I was trying to be. A part of me just wanted see him fall on his face, but I was pushing it down. Hey, I know I can be selfish, and at least I'm working on it.
Mr. Shue applauded. "Kurt, that was fantastic! Fantastic use of choreography and great song choice. You've improved so much since the beginning of the year."
Kurt likes to pretend that he doesn't care what anyone thinks, but he blushed a little and looked down at his hands. Mercedes patted his shoulder, which made me jealous. I wanted to be the one doing that.
Only I didn't have the right to. He wasn't mine any more, and I wasn't allowed to touch him just because I wanted to. His eyes moved, starting to look over at me, and I looked down so we wouldn't have to look right at each other.
"Does anyone else have a song to perform?"
"I do." I made sure to say it really fast, so no one would have a chance to get in before me.
"Ok, Finn." He pointed at the center of the room. "Take it away."
Puck was giving me a dirty look instead of getting up, so I made a 'come on' gesture at him. He shook his head, and gave me another look. Puck and I can pretty much read each other's minds, so I knew exactly what he was saying. Dude, don't do this.
I knew that he could read my mind, too, so I made a face right back. Quinn
He got up, just like I knew that he would. We might fight a lot, but we always have each others back in the end. He just hates the song I picked. I think it's perfect, but he thinks that I should do something more manly, probably something like Kurt just did. He can think that all he wants, but it's my song, and he was going to help me out by playing for me.
Puck doesn't really play his guitar that often in Glee, so everyone immediately got quiet and sat down to listen. I didn't even try with the choreography, so we both sat side by side on stools, the same way we did when we sang for the baby a few weeks ago.
It's a long intro, so I had few seconds to get myself totally ready before I started.
I move on like a sinners prayer
Letting go like a levee breaks
Walk away as if I don't care
Learn to shoulder my mistakes
Built to fade like your favorite song
Get reckless when there's no need
Laugh as your stories ramble on,
Break my heart but it won't bleed
My only friends are pirates
That's just who I am
I'm better as a memory,
Then as your man
I had worked really, really hard to find a song that told him how sorry I was. Because I am. I hate that I said what I said, even if he was rude first. I wanted to just be able to tell him that to his face, but I couldn't. At school, I know that Mercedes won't let him talk to me, even if he wanted to, and I'm never going near his house again. I knew that Burt would turn on me eventually, just like Seth did. Fuck him if he thinks I'm going to give him another shot. He might have hit me if Mom hadn't come home, I saw it in his eyes.
I was thinking, but I was listening to Puck play at the same time so I wouldn't miss my cue.
Never sure when the truth won't do
I'm pretty good on a lonely night
I move on the way a storm blows through
Never stay but then again I might
I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt
Walk a line until it blurs
Build walls too high to climb out
But I'm honest to a fault
That's just who I am
I'm better as a memory
Then as your man
I see you leaning
You're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer
Nothing more
You should know it
Before it gets too late
'Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
Never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
Right away you'll know it's true
That all of you're seekings done
I'm just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment
You'll finally understand
I was better as a memory
Then as your man
Better as a memory
Then as your man.
I looked real quick at Kurt and I was pretty sure that I saw tears in his eyes. Or maybe it was just that I had tears in my eyes that were making everything look blurry.
When Kurt did his song, everyone clapped. No one clapped this time. Everyone was frozen. I guess that means I did a good job, though. Mr. Shue broke the uncomfortable silence. "Excellent job, Finn. Lots of passion. And Puck, your playing was wonderful.'
I knew that I was supposed to sit down now and let someone else have a chance to sing, but I couldn't. I couldn't sit here with Kurt in the same room, and see that he was still angry with me. I also didn't want to cry in front of the rest of the club.
I looked over at Mr. Shue. "I'm sorry. May I be excused from the rest of practice?"
He never makes us stay if we don't want to. Plus, I'm kind of his favorite, so he lets me do things that he doesn't let anyone else. I try not to take advantage of it, especially since I really like watching other people perform. He nodded. "Of course. Great job, today."
"Thank you." I grabbed my backpack and flashed my phone at Puck, telling him to call me when he was done. He nodded once.
I was able to walk out with my head held up and my back straight, but I didn't know where to go from there. Puck's truck is locked, and I couldn't go back inside and ask for the keys. The auditorium was locked. Anywhere else was going to be crawling with people and I didn't want any of them to see me cry.
But there was still Mr. Shue's office. I had used it before, when the truth about him putting drugs in my locker had come out, and no one would be able to see me if I got under the desk again. It's a squeeze, but sometimes it's ok to be small. I could even get some of my homework done and make Mom proud of me.
Mr. Shue never locks the door, so I was able to slide in and under the desk. Ok, math. I could do this without getting frustrated and throwing the book across the room.
It was only a few minutes before the door of the room popped open. I scrunched myself down and looked. The shoes weren't fancy at all, so I knew that it was Mr. Shue and not Coach Sylvester, Please, please God just let him grab some music and leave. Practice was still going on, so he was going to have to be back there soon.
Except he pulled the desk chair out and sat down. Oh, come on! I know that I take your name in vain a lot God, but this was just unfair! I made myself even smaller and hoped that he would go away.
Suddenly his hand appeared, holding a can of Coke out and just holding it there. Why was he doing that? After a few seconds, he shook it a little. "Finn? Do you want something to drink?"
Busted. Since he already knew that I was there, there was no point in hiding any more. I scooted forward and took the drink. I didn't want anyone else to be able to see me, so I leaned back against the desk. "How did you know where I was?"
"It's where you went last time, so I figured chances were good that you were here this time, too."
Damn, I guess I'm not as sneaky as I think I am. "How come you didn't come get me last time?"
He looked away. "I thought it was pretty obvious that you wanted away from me, so I granted that wish."
"Oh. Yeah, I guess that makes sense." I didn't know what else to say to him so I just said nothing.
"I thought you did a great job today. What made you pick a country song?"
"Actually, your ex-wife picked it. She's my boss now." I had to tread carefully here, because I know that the break-up still bothers him.
"Really." He looked at me for a long time. "Finn, is she...is she treating you ok? She's being nice and fair?"
"Yeah. She's being really cool to me. She said that she's going to turn over new leaf and not try and crush everyone's dreams any more." She had been really nice to me, even thought I don't 100% trust her yet.
"Good, good. So I take it things aren't going very well with Kurt?" That was what he really wanted to talk about. He just had to talk about some of the other stuff first, so it didn't look like that was really what he wanted to talk about.
I shook my head. "No. There is no me and Kurt any more. We're done."
"What happened?"
I didn't want to tell him the whole story, so I just shrugged. "We both have mean mouths and said stupid things It was both of our faults."
"Did you try apologizing? Sometimes that's all you need to do."
Not in this case. I probably owed Kurt and apology (and he owed me one, too), but I'm pretty sure that if I try, he'll kill me. "I don't know."
He leaned down. "You know, Finn, I lost a great relationship with someone, just because neither one of us could apologize. You have something special with Kurt, and I don't want to see you two throw it away over teenage stubbornness."
"I thought that your relationship got ruined because she pretended to be pregnant when she really wasn't." I know that I've missed a lot of things this year, but I had been pretty sure about this one.
"Not Teri." He patted my shoulder. "Someone else. Who knows what could have happened if I hadn't been so stupid."
Oh, God, I was actually right about something. "Was it Mr. Ryan?"
He jumped. "How did you know that?"
"I just...it was how you looked at each other. You were mad and snarky, but you really wanted to impress each other. That was why you both went out for the play." I couldn't figure out how to explain what made me think that Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan had been boyfriends at one point. I just knew it.
"You're right, it was Mr. Ryan. If I could do one thing in my life over, I would have begged for his forgiveness then, rather then letting it fester for years and almost having it destroy the life I've built now."
"What if I'm not the one that needs to apologize? I do, but he should, too. Why do I always have to be the one that's nice and does it first?" It wasn't that I didn't want to, but I don't know if he does. He didn't sound like he wanted to today, even though he looked liked he did. Why does life have to be so confusing?
"Somebody has to. If Kurt's important enough for you to fight for, then apologizing is going to be the least of your concerns."
He was right, of course. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me?"
"Then that's his choice. You can't control Kurt, Finn. All you can control is yourself. But I think that he'll want to talk."
"Mr. Fabray gave me a lot of money two weeks ago." That wasn't what I had wanted to say, but it was what popped out. Mr. Shue won't tell on me, and it might be nice to have someone who isn't Puck to talk about this with. "$1500."
"Why did he do that?"
This is what I like about Mr. Shue. He didn't blame me or demand to know why I hadn't told anyone. He just tried to help me out. "Because of the baby. I got that job and gave Quinn all my money to take care of Drizzle. It was close to a thousand dollars. Mr. Fabray gave it back to me, plus $500 that he said was interest. He said it was because Quinn had basically stolen my money, but that wasn't the truth. The truth was that he was paying me hush money, so he can do whatever he wants with the baby. I took it, because I didn't have any choice, because I don't have any legal rights. She's not my baby so I don't get a say about what happens to her."
"I see. What are you going to do with the money?"
"I don't know." Then a horrifying thought occurred to me. "Wait, do I have to give it to Ms. Corcoran now? I'm already giving her my paycheck from Sheets and Things."
He smiled. "We'll keep Mr. Fabray's money between you and I."
"What should I do with it? I don't want it, but if I buy something with it, I'll never be able to have any fun with it, because I'll always be thinking about where I got the money to buy that thing."
"Hang on to it. You might feel differently about it in a few weeks or months. If you still feel that way in a little bit, you can always donate it. Or use it to go to Cedar Point or have some other experience with your friends. Their happiness should help yours."
"That's a good idea" $1500 is a lot of money. Enough that I could take the whole Glee club to Cedar Point and still have money left over for us to do some of the extra stuff.
He patted my shoulder. "I have to get back to practice before people start looking for me. The door doesn't lock, but I'm going to pull the shade so you don't have to stay under the desk the entire time. Think about what I said, ok? I don't want you to be looking back on this with nothing but regrets."
"Ok. Thank you." I didn't move, though. I wasn't going anywhere until I was sure I could be alone.
I gave it a few minutes and pulled out my phone. If I found a coupon, I could get tickets for $30 each. 13 people times $30 was only $390. Renting a bus was another $150. Even if we did all the extra stuff and played games, it would be less then $1000 and I could keep the rest for something else.
I wasn't 100% sure, though, so I bookmarked it for later. Maybe we could do something else? I googled a few more things that we could do as a group, but nothing really jumped out at me. Maybe Cedar Point was the best choice.
The door opened again. "Hey, Mr. Shue? Which do you think sounds better, Cedar Point or going white water rafting?"
"It's not Mr. Shue."
I jolted so hard that I ended up banging my head against the desk. Oh, please, no. I leaned around the side of the desk and...yep, it was Kurt. He had stopped halfway in between the desk and the door and was just staring at me. "I can leave if you want."
"No! I mean, you can stay." Even though I had no idea what to say to him. "How did you know I was in here."
He fiddled with his sleeve. "Mr. Shuester told me where to find you."
I'm pretty sure that's a serious violation of the bro code. Except I'm not sure that the bro code works when it's your teacher and not your friend. "Oh." It was a stupid thing to say, but it was all I could think of.
Really, dumbass? What have you been practicing since about five minutes after you opened your big stupid mouth in that basement? Come on Finn, don't blow this a second time.
"I'm sorry." The words came out before I could think and screw them up even worse. "God, Kurt, I'm so sorry."
He started to step forward, and then stopped, like he didn't know if I would let him. I scooted over a little, so he would know it was ok.
I'll say it for Kurt, he doesn't need to be told twice. He threw himself down next to me so we were side by side, both leaning back on the desk. "I'm sorry, too."
I was already wanting to cry a little from earlier, so it didn't take much for me to tear up. "I don't know why I said that and I acted like an asshole and it's all my fault. I'm sorry and please forgive me."
"It's my fault, too. " His voice was really soft. "You wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't."
I don't know if I would have said something or not. Maybe I wouldn't have said 'fag', but I probably would have said something almost as mean. I wanted to punish someone, and he happened to be right there.
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, and I knew that he was crying, too. "What happened, Finn? The truth."
Lucky for me, I've had lots of time to think about it. "I was a dick. I was mad at Mom, and mad at your Dad and you were downstairs and I just lost it on you. I'm sorry."
He nodded. 'Were...were you mad at me?"
"Yeah." I couldn't lie now, even if the truth hurt. "I was really mad at you, too. They told you that we were moving in, and they didn't tell me. You took my money."
"What?" He looked so confused that I almost thought I had imagined the whole thing.
"Your father gave me $300. It was a bribe, but it was my bribe and you took it."
I thought that he might get mad when I brought that up, but he didn't. "Why didn't you just ask me for it? I wasn't going to steal it from you. I just thought you might want help figuring what to do with it."
"You didn't ask, though. You just took it. Then I came downstairs and you were redecorating your room, and that was my money. I didn't have a room, and I didn't have a bed, and I didn't have a house. I know that none of that was your fault, but I just blew up on you. I'm sorry." If I said it enough times, maybe he would believe me.
"I'm sorry, too. I…um…" He wrung his hands again. "I apologize for what I called you. I didn't mean it, and I don't think of you that way, I swear."
Him saying that unlocked something in my chest that had been tight since that night in the basement. I hadn't meant what I said, but I worried that he had. The doctor said that my IQ was ok (nothing special, but I never claimed that it was), but I was two grades behind. I mean, it could be worse, since I was three grades behind at the beginning of the year, but it could be a lot better, too.
"I know you didn't." Not really, but we were going to pretend I did. "I don't think of you that way, either. I was just trying to get back at you for what you said."
He nodded and jerked his arm, like he wanted to reach out. I turned my hand over so the palm was up. He knows that sign, and he tentatively put his hand in mine. By the way, tentatively means that you still do something, but you're not very sure about it. I closed my hand around his and just sat there, because I didn't know what else to say.
Lucky for me, Kurt likes to talk all the time, so I didn't have to think of anything to fill the space. "What happens now?"
Why was he asking me? Did we forgive each other? Were we team mates again? Friends? Boyfriends? And what about Mom and Burt? "I don't know."
"Yeah, me either." I never thought that I would see Kurt so confused. "Can we get past this?"
I shrugged. It wasn't that I was being a jerk, but I didn't know how to answer him. I knew that I would forgive him eventually. Fuck, I knew that before Mom and I were back at our house. But forgiving isn't forgetting, and I just keep seeing his face when he called me that name. He probably sees mine calling him 'fag', too.
That's a good thing, the remembering. You should remember what happened, and why it did. Not because Kurt's a jerk, or because you are, but because you couldn't communicate. You weren't honest with him about the money, and he blew you off. Knowing what went wrong will help you fix it next time.
If there was a next time. "I'm afraid of your dad."
He was surprised. "Of Dad? You don't need to be scared of Dad. He won't hurt you."
No, he wouldn't hurt Kurt. I wasn't so sure that he wouldn't hurt me. He wanted to do it after I called Kurt a fag, and I don't know what stopped him. If it was that he thought it was wrong to hit someone, especially a teenager, I was probably safe. But it could just be that he didn't want to be violent in front of Kurt, which meant that I had to watch my back.
"He might."
"I'll protect you." He smiled at me, but it was just a little smile, not one that showed his teeth. He didn't know what to do any more then I did. "Do you want me to give you a ride home?"
"Sure." I know a peace offering when I hear one. "That would be cool of you."
I sounded awkward, and I know that he felt it, too, but lets be real here. This whole thing is fucking awkward. "Are you going back to Glee?"
"Mr. Shue said I could leave if I wanted to."
Hearing Mr. Shue's name reminded me of something else I had wanted to tell Kurt. "Hey, guess what?"
"What?"
"I was right. Mr. Shue and Mr. Ryan totally used to be boyfriends."
Now he gave me a regular smile. "You're kidding."
"Nope. He told me himself. And he told me that he broke up with Mr. Ryan, and he didn't do anything to fix the relationship. He just let it go, and he still regrets it. I think that's why he told you where to find me." I thought that over for a second. "Wait, what did he tell you?"
"He pulled me aside and told me that you were in here, and I could go and talk to you if I wanted. So I came here."
"Oh." I tried to make my voice sound not hurt, but I kind of was. I had been hoping that he had asked Mr. Shue where to find me, instead of Mr. Shue having to tell him. But, whatever, at least he came.
"Do you want to try and fix it?" He was trying to sound like he wouldn't be upset if I said no, but I knew better. This was his way of telling me that he wanted to work it out, without actually saying it. Kurt never just comes out and says what he wants, because he's been disappointed too many times.
"Yeah." I patted his leg. "I want to try and fix it. I just don't know how."
"Can I start by giving you a ride home?" He stood up and offered me his hand. When I took it, I still felt a little spark. Not like it used to be, but there was still something there.
Kurt stopped in the doorway. "Mercedes is going to kill me."
I'm pretty sure that she's more likely to kill me then, Kurt, but it made me laugh a little. "It's ok, Puck's going to kill me. Oh, wait, I need to tell him not to give me a ride."
Puck picked up on the first ring. "Dude, you totally left me hanging. And by the way, I told you that you were going to cry like a bitch. You're bringing my reputation down. Where the fuck are you?"
"I'm in Mr. Shue's office. Look, I don't need a ride after all, since I'm going home right now."
He was immediately suspicious. "How? I know your mother isn't going to come get you. Wait, where's Hummel?" He got really quiet for a second, and I knew that he was looking around the room for Kurt. "Really Finessa? You went crawling back to him? God, has the Puckster taught you absolutely nothing?"
"You gave me a pretty good lesson in tire slashing the other night, but I don't want any relationship advice. And I didn't go crawling back anyway." Bringing up the tire slashing was a low blow, since I hadn't been very smart about that either. But if I didn't cut him off now, he might talk me out of going home with Kurt. I had one chance left here, and I didn't want to blow it.
"Call me tonight. I mean it, Finn. If you don't call, I'm coming over and I will not leave even if you and Kurt are mid-screw, got it?"
That made my face heat up, especially since I knew that Kurt could hear him. I was more then willing to try and work things out, but it was going to be a while before I would be comfortable with that again. "I'll call you."
"I mean it Finnessa! I'm about to-" I hit end and threw my phone in my backpack. Puck could tell me all about what he was going to do later.
When I looked over at him, Kurt was a little red, too, so I knew that he had heard what Puck said. He looked down. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah." My palms were sweating already, and I had no idea what to say or do. What was I supposed to talk to him about for 20 whole minutes?
If you could have kept your mouth shut, you wouldn't have to talk to him at all. You would just be shoving your tongue down his throat.
Kurt was really quiet until we got to the car. "Same house, right? The one you and your mother were living in?"
"Yeah. Same house." I drummed nervously on my leg, trying to think of something nice to say. "How's your Cheerios stuff going? It's pretty close to your Nationals, right?"
"Just a few weeks. It's kind of strange, though. Coach is all distracted, and I think it has something to do with Mr. Shuester. He didn't say anything to you, did he?"
"No. He just talked a little about Mr. Ryan and told me that I needed to talk to you. He didn't say anything about Coach Sylvester." This was working, so I tried to keep the conversation going. "So it's the week of Spring Break, right?"
"That Saturday. We're going to have to cut our New York trip short…." He trailed off and looked down.
I did, too. Going to New York was supposed to be our trip, where we had our own hotel room, and went to a Broadway play and pretended that Mom and Burt were the strangers in the room next door.
But that was over, and I didn't want to lose my momentum. "That sucks. Are you still going to be able to see a play?"
"I think so. I'm still campaigning hard for Wicked, but you know how that goes. There's a matinee during the time we'll be there, so anything is possible."
"Cool. I hope you get to go."
He smiled again, and this time it looked totally relaxed and natural. "Even though you hated the book?"
"I didn't really hate it. It was just sad. Elphaba was sad, and she fucked everything up, no matter how hard she tried. Everyone got kidnapped, and then she was alone and Liir might be her kid and might not and then Dorothy comes and she wanted to help, too, but then she made it worse and I still think that a lot of the words were made up, and then the book was over and everyone was dead. That was the part I didn't like."
"Fair enough. Wait, you actually finished the book?" He sounded surprised and…was he happy for me? I couldn't tell.
"Well…yeah. I finished it. Why, did you think I couldn't?" I had to keep reminding myself not to jump to conclusions, because that's what got me into this mess in the first place.
"Of course not. You can do whatever you put your mind to. I just didn't think you were that interested in it, that's all."
Truthfully, I really wasn't. But it was something that Kurt and I had done together, and something that I wanted to prove that I could do. I could read this hard book with all of it's fancy words and understand what was happening. "I was."
"That's great." He looked past me and his face fell a little. "We're here. I have to be at school early tomorrow for practice, but can we meet up afterwards? We can get something to eat if you don't want to come by my place. Not a date, but I want us to be able to talk and figure what to do from here."
The last place I wanted to be was within 10 miles of Burt Hummel. But I did want to talk to Kurt. "Ok. But it's definitely not a date. We each pay our own way, but I'll let you pick the place."
"Alright then. I'll see you tomorrow after school, Finn Hudson."
He was trying not to be excited, but I could tell he was. "See you."
I was hoping to sneak in, but Mom was sitting in the living room. "That didn't look like Noah's truck."
Damn. I sat down at the table. "It was Kurt's car."
"So the two of you talked things out?" She was using that funny voice that meant she didn't know if she should be mad at me or give me a hug.
"Kind of. Maybe. I don't really know. He sang me a song in Glee, and I sang him a song and then he gave me a ride home. But we didn't really do very much talking. We're going to talk more tomorrow."
"I see. What do you want to happen? Do you want to take him back?" She kept staring to me, and it made me look down.
"I don't know." That was honest. "I want to talk to him, and I want to hear his side of the story. But I don't know if I want to be with him again."
She held out her arms, and I went to her. I wanted her to tell me to do it, and all the right things to say and do. Could I forgive Kurt? Did I want to? "What should I do?"
"You should go, because you said that you would and I expect you to follow through. As far as what to do about Kurt, I don't know. You and only you can make that decision. But you both have to think beyond yourselves. What happens with the two of you affects me, it affects Burt, it affects your club at school. I want you to think about all of that. But, in the end, it's up to you, and what you can handle."
That didn't help very much. "Would you be mad if I got back with him? Cause, you know, I fucked up your relationship with Burt."
"Of course not. And just so we're clear, you did not fuck up my relationship with Burt. Neither did Kurt. My issue is not what happened between you boys, but the way Burt treated you afterwards. You were scared and he knew it, but he didn't stop. I won't have you living in a house with someone you fear, period. You come before Burt. You come before anyone. I want you to talk to Kurt and sort out whatever you need to to make yourselves happy."
That was nice of her, so I felt like I had to be nice back. "Are you going to talk to Burt, too?"
"Do you want me to talk to Burt?"
No. She was right, I was afraid of him, and I didn't want to come home and find him there. But Mom was giving me another chance with Kurt, and I wanted to give her another chance, too. She's already missed a lot because of me, and I didn't want her to miss anything else. I could put up with him for two years if I had too. Especially now that I knew that Mom would never let him hurt me. "Yeah. I think you should talk to him. Just like I'm doing with Kurt. It's not going to make anything worse then it already is."
"You're really growing up, Finn. I don't know if I'll talk to Burt or not, but it means a lot to me that you would say that. I love you."
I hugged her tight. "Love you too. I'm going to go upstairs and do my homework."
I wasn't really going to do my homework. I had planned to play some X-box, but once I got up there, I kind of lost interest. A lot of stuff had happened today, and I just needed a few minutes to think about it.
But my thoughts never stay in nice straight lines like they're supposed to. They run in circles and loops and then they just scatter around like cats and you can't catch them all. So I was thinking about my X-box, but I was thinking about Kurt, and Mom, and Mr. Shue, too. All of the things that they had said to me today were turning circles in my head. I thought about what was going to happen tomorrow, and what was going to happen.
And just like that, I knew the answer to one of my problems. Not the biggest one, but the one had started it all. I rolled over and pulled my laptop out from under the bed. This time, I was going to make things right.